The Feed My Health Podcast

The Mistake Most Women Make With Their Food

• Rosalind Tapper

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So many women believe they need stricter rules, tighter plans, or someone to tell them exactly what to eat in order to get results.

In this episode, I explain why that thinking makes sense and why it’s also the reason so many women keep starting again.

We talk about the real difference between restriction, flexibility and structure, what’s actually happening in your brain when food feels “off limits”, and why treating your nutrition like a set of rules often backfires long term.

This is a calm, honest conversation for women who eat pretty well, try hard, and are fed up of feeling like they can’t be trusted around food.

If you’ve ever thought “I just need more discipline”, this episode will change how you see things and give you a far better way forward.

👉 We don’t just help you lose weight - we help you keep it off for good. If you’re serious about breaking free from quick fixes, my team and I will transform your daily habits so your results last a lifetime.

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SPEAKER_00:

I want to talk to you today about something I hear all the time. And I mean constantly. And it usually sounds like, can you just tell me exactly what to eat? I don't trust myself around food. If I don't have rules, I'll mess up. I need a plan or I'll go off the rails. And listen, I absolutely get why that feels so appealing. I have definitely been down that road before, and I used to look in magazines all the time for celebrity diets and meal plans. So I really do understand the appeal of it all. And a lot of the women that we work with, in fact, most of the women that we work with already are very busy, they are very capable, they're holding every single thing and person together, they're making decisions all day long. So of course, the idea of somebody else taking food decisions off your plate can feel like an absolute relief. But here's what I want to say, and I'm gonna say this absolutely honestly. This mindset is exactly what kept me stuck for so many years, and it's exactly why so many women are still stuck today. Because rules don't build confidence, they build compliance. And compliance will only work when your life is going perfectly and there's no disruptions. And I really want to be real about this because if you take this on board, it will save you a lot of time and aggravation. Rules feel safe because they completely remove responsibility. If a plan that you find tells you to eat a certain thing or not to eat a certain thing, or to follow these meals, then you don't have to think about it and you don't have to make choices and you don't actually have to trust yourself to make the choices. And for women who already feel stretched, that can feel really, really comforting and like that's the answer to all their problems. But rules don't teach you how to actually live long term, they teach you how to behave temporarily because the moment that real life shows up for you, whether that's stress, whether that's poor sleep, whether it's social plans, whether it's difficulties with children or work or your hormones, your rules start to feel really, really restrictive. And once that happens, they don't motivate you anymore. They actually will create a lot of resentment and that fear of failure if and when you maybe can't comply to them. And that's why, sorry, and that's when women don't really adapt, they just snap and then they believe that you know it didn't work for them or they can't stick to things. And this is a pattern that I see over and over again. You start a plan, you're super excited about it, you're being really, really good, you're really disciplined, that that initial motivation is carrying you, and you feel so proud of yourself because you've got something sorted, but then life happens, and you feel tired, you feel emotional, you go out with your friends, and then they don't have the same goals as you. You want to have a glass of wine to kind of wind down or switch off, and you break the rules. And the moment that that happens, your entire your internal voice will change, and it's no longer saying, I chose to do this, I'm excited to do this, this is the right thing. It becomes, oh my goodness, I've blown it. And so when you have that sabotage happen, you then eat more, you drink more, you say you'll start again another time. And none of this is because you are greedy or that you you lack willpower, which is what you think. It's because restriction is creating rebellion. And this isn't mindset, this is out, this is human biology, right? The brain's number one job is to keep you safe. When food is restricted, even mentally restricted, your brain doesn't hear discipline, it hears scarcity. And scarcity flips your nervous system into threat mode. And when that happens, your cravings get louder, your impulse control drops, your long-term thinking goes out the window, and your food becomes obsessive. And that's why the foods you can't have, in quote quotation marks, are all you'll then think about. That's why once you start, it feels really hard to stop, and that's why you feel out of control. This is not a character flaw. It's your brain doing exactly what it's designed to do. Now compare that to when you feel in control, when you know nothing is off limits, when you know that you're choosing, you're not obeying a rule, that you can have whatever it is that you want again. Your nervous system will stay calm, your decision making stays online, and you don't need to binge or give in to things. And this is why I say something that really will surprise a lot of people. Flexibility isn't chaos. Flexibility is having structure without restriction. Let me say that again. Flexibility isn't chaos. Flexibility is having structure without restriction. And when women say to me, I just need someone to tell me what to eat, what they're really saying is, I don't trust myself. And that didn't come from nowhere. That came from years of dieting. And dieting teaching women that hunger can't be trusted and that it's bad for you, that enjoying something is dangerous and not on plan, that having a preference is a problem, and that control has to come from the outside. So of course, of course, you want rules. Here is the truth: if you never learn how to choose, you'll always need someone to choose for you. Meal plans do not build confidence, they build dependence, they work until life gets messy, then everything around collapses. And this is not transformation, this is temporary obedience. And I'm not here to babysit grown women. And I know that sounds really harsh because I know that you want to feel like you know, if if somebody tells me what to do, then that's great, I'll be able to do it. That's not how it works. I want you to make your own decisions and have autonomy. And as coaches, we are here to help you lead yourself. So let me make this super clear. Rules, if you are thinking about a new diet plan at the moment, rules will sound like this I'm not allowed carbohydrates. I can't eat after a certain time. I have to stick to the plan. Standards, however, sound different. Standards sound like I always prioritize protein at every meal. I eat in a way that supports my goals. I enjoy food without losing control. I return to routine without drama. Rules are super rigid, but standards are flexible but firm. Rules will break under pressure, but standards will adapt. Standards will allow you to eat out without anxiety, enjoy social plans, stop overthinking, and live like a normal person. And this is where the strategy strategy then comes in. So strategy will look like planning your indulgences instead of fearing them. It looks like knowing how to eat out confidently, understanding your triggers, deciding what actually matters to you. And this removes guesswork without removing freedom. And this is exactly why women then stop yo-yo dieting. Not because they became more disciplined, but because they stopped fighting themselves. So here's what I've seen after working with over a thousand women at this stage. When women feel trusted, supported, and educated, they will rise to that new level of themselves. They don't need punishment, they don't need rigid rules, they don't need fear. They will eat what they genuinely love, and this is so empowering. They leave what they kind of like, which is absolutely critical because a lot of the time we overeat because we're just eating substandard bits and pieces. And they also stop then obsessing. Because when food isn't forbidden, it loses its power. And that's not willpower, that's just how the brain works. So if you've been telling yourself, I need rules, I need a meal plan, I can't trust myself to make the right decisions, I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I want you to hear this. Maybe you don't need more control over yourself, maybe you need more trust in yourself with the right structure around you. Restriction will treat you like a child, whereas structure and standards treat you like a woman. And the goal is never perfection. The goal is you having confidence, confidence to eat well, confidence to enjoy your life and not feel like food runs the show. And this is exactly what we coach inside Feed My Health. We do not believe in rigid plans, we do not believe in food guilt, we do not believe in the all or nothing thinking. Instead, we want to build standards for you, strategies for you, you to have your own self-trust and to have consistency so that results last, not just for weeks, but for life. And if this is something that has resonated with you and you feel like that is something that you need, then you should definitely, definitely do the little free quiz that I have in my Instagram bio. It will only take you two minutes, but it'll allow you to tell tell me in depth what it is that you would like to achieve short term and long term, and what it is you feel that you're struggling with the most, so that I can actually then help you to progress and make the next best choice. And that might not necessarily be working one-to-one with a coach. I don't want you to think that that's what it's about. It's about giving you the tools to know, right, this is the next step for me. So once you've completed that quiz, I will then get an email to say you've completed the quiz, and I can email you back personally and let you know, right, okay, I think that based on this goal and this thing that you're struggling with, this is the next plan that we need to focus on. This is the next route that I would take. And it would be could be really, really beneficial for you. In fact, it would be incredibly beneficial for you. I know that for a fact. I mean, we've helped so many women now transform their lives, and it's absolutely incredible. I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna feel very uncomfortable at times because we have been conditioned to believe that we need rules, we need restriction, we need limits. But as soon as you realize that you have the power to make great choices, you just need support and assurance and accountability to know what that looks like. Honestly, your life will change, and you can't unlearn this education. And this is why our clients maintain their results long term because you've been educated on what's what's going to support you best, you as an individual. So I really hope that this has made things a little bit more clear, especially if you are thinking about embarking on something that could potentially be quite restrictive for you and gives you a little bit more power back. Also, in the show notes, there's a couple of links to various things that you might find useful. Again, if you do the free quiz that's in my Instagram bio, check out at rosalind.feedmyhealth. I will actually be able to give you direct kind of feedback on where you need to go from there. So I would strongly recommend you do that first. But I hope you're having a wonderful start to your 2026. We've got so many exciting things to come at Feed My Health, and I can't wait to take you along for the journey.