Holiday Hosting with ADHD: Perspective for You (and Your Guests)

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In this episode of 'Organizing an ADHD Brain,' host Megs reflects on her journey nearly a year into podcasting, and discusses her decision to delete social media apps to protect her energy during the holidays. Megs shares heartfelt personal stories about growing up in a cluttered home and offers insightful advice on navigating holiday hosting challenges with an ADHD brain. She emphasizes focusing on key areas in the home for holiday preparations, handling judgmental comments, and showing love and grace to both hosts and guests. Additionally, Megs provides information about her upcoming coaching program and membership options starting in January.


01:09 Dealing with Clutter and Judgment
02:59 Personal Stories and Family Home
17:26 Reflections on Clutter and ADHD
18:23 Holiday Tips and Encouragement
23:45 Coaching and Membership Information
25:13 Closing Remarks and Personal Anecdotes

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Transcript

Megs: 0:42

Hey, beautiful people. Welcome back to another episode of organizing an ADHD brain. My name is Megs. I'm your host. If you're back here, I want to thank you so much for tuning in week after week. I'm so grateful for you listening for you sending me what you're working on, tagging me on social media. It has been such an incredible journey this year. I'm coming up on almost a year of doing this podcast. It'll be a year in February. If you're new here, stay tuned. There's a lot of episodes for you to catch up on. And there is so much more to look forward to in 2025. We are here closing in on nine more days until Christmas. I know this because my daughters have a countdown and they're very engaged with letting us know every single morning when we wake up. I made a pretty big decision last week to delete all of the social media apps on my phone. Until after the holidays. It was a huge decision. It's so important that we protect our energy during the holiday season. And that has been my focus this year. So let's talk about presence over the holidays. We're going to dive into prepping for guests, dealing with judgment after cleaning. And navigating the complicated feelings. ADHD brains face during hosting. If you have ever been cluttered before in your life. You've also dealt with people coming into your home and making comments about the stuff that they see. Maybe there's a pile of mail on the counter. Maybe there's a place that you decluttered and they make a comment about how, what used to be so cluttered instead of focusing on the incredibleness that it is now. It's so easy for people's words to undo the work that we've done emotionally. I bring this up because it's important for us to have conversations with the people that are coming to our home. In fact, you can send this episode to some people who might be joining you in your home. If you feel vulnerable enough. If not that's okay, too. This will help you get prepared emotionally so that you can start. To prepare what you might face over the holidays. So, if you're listening to this podcast, you're ready to make some steps to get decluttered, but you're not really sure where to start. Now you have people coming over for the holidays and chaos is a state that you live in. Chaos stands for. Can't have anybody over syndrome. Can anyone relate? Because when you do have people over, it takes you hours and hours and hours to prep. Just to have people sit on the couch and not look at the piles of stuff that haven't. Ben put away. Because let's be honest. They don't have a home. Because where are you supposed to put them? We don't have enough room. There's no room for anything anywhere. I was telling someone the other day about the home that I grew up in and. I felt compelled to share because not a lot of people know a ton about it. I wanted to describe it to you today and tell you a couple stories about how. I've learned how to hold up boundaries when I'm working with my parents. But also so much of what I've been through as a professional organizer, adopting this as a career. I got an email the other day. Um, it was some professional organizing. Community. And it said like almost all of us out there. We've been organizing our whole lives. And I was like, not me. I didn't even know organizing was a thing. This will all come back around. I promise, but let's start. I want to tell you a little bit about my grandfather's house that ended up being our house. As I grew up. My dad was in the Navy. So we moved around a lot. He retired when I was eight, so I didn't move around as much as my siblings did. One thing that we love to do as a family was travel and we traveled in my dad's old Volkswagen Vanagan I remember it fondly, not because it was comfortable, but my brother and I used to create comfort in the back seat. There were two seats that looked backwards and then an entire row that looked forward and a table that popped up in between two of the seats. We had this gigantic old cooler that we'd stick in between the backwards facing seat and the forward facing seat so that we could create two. Like almost like an L-shaped couch to lounge on and to enjoy the trip. I always thought it was the coolest thing that we had a table in the back. When we'd get to my grandfather's house, I always remember. Being so excited to be there. The house is full of adventure. There's a huge yard to play in. And every single time I'd walk into my grandpa's house. It smelled exactly the same. That front door sounded exactly the same. In fact, it still sounds the same to this day. And my grandfather just had a way. That he kept everything set up. clutter was a reality in our life. But it didn't bother me here. And at this point there really wasn't a ton of clutter. My grandfather was very purposeful about all of the stuff that he kept. He had a stamp collection. But he kept it in neatly organized booklets. He also loved to doodle and he had these really cool. Little doodles that he would create. And he kept those in a booklet. He had a lot of stuff. But to me it was full of adventure. It was full of exploration. One of my favorite things about my grandpa's house was when you walked in. There was a baby grand piano in the front room. And it was such a cool room. It was just so neat that there was this gigantic piano there. And my parents and my brothers and my sister would always talk about how my grandparents would have these fantastic parties there. It was magical. We weren't supposed to move into my grandfather's house, but we did. It just happened that way. I was too young to understand all the logistics of it, but that's where we ended up. I remember celebrating my ninth birthday, and I still remember marching down the street with my friends trailing behind me holding a stick. Like I was the leader in a marching band. I remember this because someone else described it as the first experience they ever had with me not meeting me, but observing me. That sounds about right. When we moved in, my mom took inventory of all of my grandfather's things. There were a little blue and yellow and pink dots on everything. And the idea was to let it go. And then. A year past and another year. And the stuff never went anywhere. But our stuff was now on top of all of the old stuff. In fact. Nothing ever really left our house. It was even hard to throw something away as a kid because my mom would go through my garbage. It feels much more vulnerable to share than I originally thought. But. I think in the interest of sharing what it was like to grow up amongst clutter. I'm gonna lay it all out. We'll see how far we get today. I should note that we moved in after my grandparents had both passed away. And it's interesting because it was like we moved in with a modern twist on the house. That had aged with my grandparents. It was full of. Old items to entertain with and. Wallpaper on all the walls. The wallpaper in the kitchen specifically is an Eagle sat in this emblem of sorts. It's like an. Like a coat of arms on the wall, but multiple times it's intense. I don't know that anyone would actually choose that for their kitchen at this point, but it's there and it's still going strong. In most parts of the house. The wallpaper's peeling. So you can see what the previous wallpaper looked like underneath and get an idea of what that room used to be like. When I go home now. I walk on the porch. And it's like, I remember how everything works so incredibly well. The porch door, although it's been repainted and reframed. So there's a new screen on it because the other screens had a ton of holes in them. You almost have to jiggle the handle a little bit and just pull it up a bit in order to get it to close and latch. So it doesn't get pushed open by the wind. And when you open the front door, it's the coolest front door. It's one of those front doors that breaks in the middle. So you can actually open it and keep the bottom part closed. It was one of my favorite things about the house. When you walk in to the right is my grandfather's old roll top desk. And it's this gigantic wooden desk with this. If you don't know what a roll top desk is, Google it, but you. You roll up the top of the desk and you can pull it back down to kind of hide the desk. Contents. There's pictures, scattered everywhere. Framed pictures. Of. Myself and my siblings and our kids. And. My parents them as young them. Old. Right around the corner. Is this small bookcase that's filled with books that I don't think anyone has actually read. At least in the current household there. To the left. You can see the stairs going upstairs. And at one point. The wallpaper had been ripped off of the entire wall going upstairs. So now what's exposed is just plaster, not plaster, but like horse hair plaster, the old stuff. The real stuff that was used to create homes way back when. You can see the cracks in the walls, which makes sense, because it's a very old home. The home was originally built in the 17 hundreds. And there was an addition put on and then there's a barn. Underneath the stairs are built-in bookcases and they're so cool. They're big enough for records too. So there's a gigantic record collection sitting there and in front of it. Is boxes and boxes of pictures. Pictures and also more records, but then there's also books there. It's hard to put your eye on just one thing, because there's so much to the left of that. My dad has a little desk for his computer. It's a second desk for a second computer. But there's also a spot for him to check his blood pressure and make sure that he is. Up on all of his medical stuff. And to the left of that is now an upright. Piano. It's the piano that we grew up with, the piano that we took with us everywhere. My parents sold the baby grand piano. My brother always told me it was haunted. So I'm pretty thankful that it no longer exists in our life. I'm fine with it. But I will say that upright piano has only been a place where pictures sit for the longest time. Now. It's not been tuned. I do remember when I was a kid, I would sit there and play on the keys. I would pretend that my right hand, I would use my pointer finger and my middle finger. On my right hand and then my pointer finger and my middle finger on my left hand to pretend I was little people. Making noises on the piano. And when they would get angry, they would go down to the bottom and have very low notes. But when they would get happier, they would go up to the higher notes. My piano teacher lived across the street and I remember practicing. I kind of hated it, but I also wish that I stuck with it now. To the left of the piano is the entrance into my parent's den and their room. But to the left of that is more built-ins. And I would just imagine that there's more books over there. The real front door is to the left of that. I don't even remember when it was working. I don't remember using it. There's actually, there's so many doors to the outside in this house. That most of them have been sealed off with some sort of caulk. To ensure that. The wind chill doesn't get to be too much. But I do know right now there's piles of boxes in front of there. Just waiting to be gone through. To the left of that is a. Large wood. Wardrobe. It seems like. I don't know what's inside of it. I do remember when I was a kid. That's where we would keep a ton of our sewing supplies and fabrics. Not in any organized manner. I just remember them being in bags and stuck at the bottom of this wooden contraption. And to the left of that. Is it Christmas cactus. I think it's about 35 years old. And it's beautiful. Years ago when I was still living at home and my brother came home. He. Was in college at the time. Him and I took off the wallpaper off of all of the walls in this room, the front room I was just describing to you. We removed all of the wallpaper and we painted it a light pale yellow. We painted the trim and it was beautiful. It felt like a beginning of a change. It felt like the beginning of. Making that house, our own. When people tell me about their stuff. I often say no judgment. In fact. The worse. It is the better. So the transformation is going to be incredible. It's weird talking about my parents' house like this and describing it because it's bringing up emotions. I didn't even know. Were there. The last time I visited my parents. I talked about it a little bit on the podcast. As back in October. The night that I spent in New York city and took myself to Broadway for the first time. I remember telling myself before going to visit my parents. That this was not going to be the time to help them let go. That they're not going to be emotionally ready or prepared to have any sort of conversation about letting go of the contents in that house. Especially with my father going through surgery. What's interesting about this house and my parents. Is that it it's like they were never able to let go of enough. To move on. The stuff. My mom put little stickers on to inventory the house back in the early nineties. It's still there. It's in the dining room and there's these really cool built-in hutches in the dining room. They've got windows on them. And when you open them up there there's shelves in there that you can store. Different items you want to use for entertaining. All the stuff is still there. It's almost like this museum perfectly preserved for anyone who wants to come in and look at it. Except that, my parents live there. What's unique about my situation is I have firsthand knowledge. Of what a home can look like. When you not only don't get rid of your parents things. But you don't know how to let go of your own stuff as well. When I moved out of my parents' house. I was so curious. About how people could not have clutter everywhere. I told a friend once how I admired her. For not having stuff all over her dresser, she just had. Her perfume out on her dresser in this adorable little display. And she goes, oh, probably because I put everything in the top drawer and I was just trying to hide it. Cause I had people coming over. I was determined to have less because. I know there's gotta be a world or a life that's better to live out there when you don't have to clean up as much stuff. I can honestly say that I'm finally at that point. It's so much easier for me to let go of things now. What's hard is that I know how much I know. And teaching my parents that. Might not even be possible if they don't want to listen to me. Because when it comes to people in your family, giving you advice, There's some tension and some emotions and some feelings there that come up. That are unlike any other. Mostly because of the judgements and the preconceived notions, all the different things that have come with knowing someone their entire life. When it comes to ADHD. Oftentimes, we don't start a project. Because while we can think of the end result. The idea of not being able to get it all done all at once. Is overwhelmingly something that stops us. That's where our executive function comes in and derails us because while we know what needs to happen, The point of starting and breaking it up into the smallest manageable tasks. There are. Is not even on our radar. That's where our executive function fails us. It's not that it's not possible, but oftentimes it's just so overwhelming that it's easier to procrastinate. You could say that I've seen firsthand. What it's like to procrastinate something so long. That it's now a gift for your children. Not the greatest gift. If you ask me. So when it comes to having people over this holiday season, Please first know that you're not alone when it comes to clutter. The reason why I have this podcast. The reason why it's growing is because people are looking for answers. Especially when it comes to ADHD and understanding our brain in a new way so that we can work with it instead of against it. So this holiday season, I mentioned this last week. Focus on. The top three areas or tasks. That will make the biggest difference in your home. Like your living room where you're going to be opening presents. Your kitchen, your dining room. It's okay. If other places remain cluttered. You're not changing your life in one weekend, just because people are coming over. Do your best with the spaces that people are going to spend the most time in. If someone says something out loud about the clutter. Or. Anything that just doesn't sit right. Think about how you can respond. What are some things that you are nervous about? Like, if someone notices a pile of something. You could say, yeah, that's my progress pile. I'm working on it. Or it's a work in progress just like me. Because guess what? Even though your clutter can be seen. Other people have clutter too. It just might not be in their home. Could be on their brain could be at work. Everybody's dealing with something. So, please know if someone's making a comment, it says way more about them and it does about you. Your home is for you. Your home is yours. And when you invite someone over to your home, it's a privilege. For them. And guests are lucky to experience your home with you. Because if you have ADHD, you want to know what I know about you. You're an incredible person and that we could probably be best friends, pretty much immediately. That's what I absolutely know about you. Here's what I'll say about other people. If you are going to someone's home. And they are struggling with clutter. They have struggled with clutter. It's been their entire life. Here's what to know. What you might not see. Is all of the effort, the love and the energy that went into welcoming you. There were a lot of hours spent. Getting that home looking the way that it does right now. So what does not need to be said? Is anything about the things that you don't see or anything about the things that may not reflect perfection to you. Their clutter. Is not a reflection of how much they care about you. It's a reflection of how hard they're working. To be present with you. So here's how to show up with kindness. Say, thank you for the invitation. Notice the warmth. Not the mess. Offer grace. And not judgment. If you're listening to this and this resonates at all, share this episode with your friends or family. Sometimes we all need a little bit of a reminder to look for the good. Give your family an opportunity to learn and to grow and to learn to say the right things. People who have a lot of clutter in their home need support, not fixing. In fact. If you're offering support because you've always been an organized person. Guess what? You are not the person to support them. If you're not asking questions, but instead just making judgment calls and telling them exactly what they need. That's not going to help. Sometimes love. Looks like showing up. Without trying to change anything. Just being present is enough. Just because someone's making the decision to declutter and they're on that journey doesn't mean that it happens overnight. Change takes time. Think about the last time you tried to make a change, whether you have ADHD or not. If you're the family member listening and you don't have ADHD. Think about the last time you had to make a change for yourself? And how hard was that? Now think about you trying to change someone else and make them different. You can even change yourself. How could you do that to someone else? Now I do that. I'm a coach and that's because people are really actively looking for change and looking for tools that support them. But back to my Clutterbugs over here. Your home. Doesn't have to look perfect. It just has to feel safe. And feel like your home. And guests, they're lucky to share that space with you. I've been keeping these episodes pretty short because the holidays are upon us. And in the interest of time. I want to continue to show up for you and. Value your time and respect your time. Okay, but just because I post a long episode next year doesn't mean that I don't respect your time. It's just that these are words. I feel like you need to hear. If you're ready to get organized, starting right where you are, you don't have to do a darn thing to get prepared. My coaching is here to support you. I have a 90 day program where we work on your belief system. We work on where you are, the spaces you want to declutter and how to let go. My coaching link is right in the show notes below. I do have openings in January. My schedule is getting full really quickly. So jump on my calendar. We can talk this week to see if coaching is a good fit for you. Starting in January. You could even ask for that for Christmas. I mean, I'm going to saying. I do also have a membership launching in January. I'm so excited about it. I was doing the Patrion for a while, but it just didn't feel right. There was something about it. So. This space is a place to find community and fresh momentum for the new year. And it's going to be a super affordable option for all of my podcast listeners. And anyone else who's interested in finding more decluttering for their ADHD brain. To keep up to date with everything that's going on with organizing ADHD brain and everything else go to my website. Mindful mags.com. I have a free dopamine menu download right now available to all of my listeners and any visitors of my website. And that's why I keep everyone up to date with everything that's going on. Not only with my business, but my personal life as well. Thanks for letting me share today. To my hosts. I just want you to know you're doing amazing. You did enough. I know it doesn't feel like it because there's always something else that you need to check off the to-do list, but you did it. To my guests show up with love and grace. You love these people in your life. You may not understand the clutter, but you don't have to, you get to go home to your non clutter home at the end of the day. And that's okay. Show up with love. Ask questions to understand. And to everyone. Just to remember that you're home just like you as a work in progress. And that's beautiful. That was beautiful. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to leave that in there. Cause it was so hilarious. Adam was sneaking through because Theodore, the kitten has been such a terror throughout this whole episode. He's a long hair at cat and he was smelly this morning. So we had to give him a bath and he has been drying all morning. And now is his time to wreak havoc on the world. That is his, which is our house. Thank you all for being here. I'll see you next time. And until then, Take some deep breaths. You've got this.