She Built What She Needed: ADHD Support for Black Women with IngerShaye Colzie

Inger Shaye Colzie is an ADHD Coach with a focus on the intersectionality of ADHD and the experiences of Black women who are executives and entrepreneurs. With a deep understanding of the cultural nuances and societal dynamics, Inger Shaye supports black women through empowerment and fostering an environment that acts as a safe and judgment-free zone where women can thrive.

ADHD Black Professionals Alliance

Connect with IngerShaye: IngerShaye.com

In this enlightening episode of 'Organizing an ADHD Brain,' host Megs introduces IngerShaye Colzie, an ADHD leadership and executive coach, and founder of the ADHD Black Professionals Alliance and Black Women with ADHD. The conversation delves deep into the unique challenges and lived experiences of Black women with ADHD, emphasizing the importance of building supportive communities. IngerShaye discusses her journey from being a therapist to becoming an ADHD coach after her own diagnosis and highlights the critical role of community in healing and empowerment. The episode also explores the significance of accepting one's ADHD brain and leveraging personal strengths rather than focusing on perceived shortcomings.

03:28 IngerShaye's Journey and ADHD Coaching
11:53 Challenges Faced by Black Women with ADHD
15:32 The Importance of Community and Support
22:23 Creating a Healing Space for ADHD
23:15 The Importance of Safe Spaces
25:24 Unmasking and Burnout
28:13 Starting Conversations and Building Understanding
33:49 Staying Organized with ADHD

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Transcript

0:43

Hey, beautiful people. Welcome back to another episode of organizing an A DHD Brain. This week I'm really excited to introduce you to my new friend Inger. She Cozy. She's an A DHD leadership coach and executive coach. She's also the founder of the A DHD, black Professionals Alliance and the founder of Black Women with A DHD. I am so excited to share with you the conversation that we have. One of my goals as a podcaster is to help people find. The right people for them, because guess what? Not all of you listening to this will love what I have to say, and that's okay because there is the right person for you out there. And also, we're allowed to disagree on things every once in a while, but it's important for people to find the right community. When you find the right community where you can truly be yourself. You don't have to mask who you think you should be You get to just show up. I reached out to Ingers. Because she had shared a post about what it's like to be a black woman with a DHD. And I'm gonna be honest, I hadn't even thought about it. I hadn't even considered that another woman could have a different lived experience than me, but it makes so much sense. And so I invited her on to have a conversation, not only about organization and how A DHD affects us, but also just about How it affects us in day-to-day life. Does this have anything to do with organization? It has everything to do with organization because I'm not just here to give you tips and tricks and hack, right? Like you can find those all over the internet and every once in a while, I'm gonna throw a few your way. But let's be honest here, it's about truly understanding our brain and not my brain, but how your brain works. And how there's gonna be certain things that I teach you and, and educate you on. But most of the time I am learning how to support you from asking questions and understanding where you're coming from. Also during the interview Inger, she mentions the term RSD, which is rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I've mentioned it a couple times. I don't use those bigger words on a regular basis as a non-medical professional, however, it is an important term to be aware of with A DHD. And I'm gonna give you a little bit of a description real quick. I literally just typed it into Google and this is what it's saying. So it's an intense emotional pain or distress triggered by the perception of being rejected, criticized, or failing to meet expectations. So that is something that's very commonly. COD with a DHD and or autism. So it's something to be aware of. In fact, learning more about this has helped me in my own parenting journey, not only recognizing how this could show up for myself, but also how it could show up in my kids. So just a side note, if you wanna do a little extra research, I am so excited about this interview. And so without further ado. Welcome back to organizing an A DHD Brain. I'm your host Megs and I am here with a new friend of mine, Ingershaye. I'm so excited to introduce you to her. She is an A DHD coach, I found her on LinkedIn and she has an entire community of black women with A DHD in the corporate space that she supports, along with being an A DHD coach and current therapist. So tell us a little bit more about you. First off, thanks for having me. I'm really excited to be here. So I'm IngerShaye Colzie, as you said. I'm an A DHD executive leadership coach. I'm still a therapist. And I work primarily with black women with A DHD so that we can look at your A DHD, leverage it and then be able to live the life you really want. The life you really choose to have. Because as we all know here, it's not so easy with a DHD. And we were just talking earlier before we came on, we had to remember to turn on the camera so other people could get involved we live such a life of what other people think of us. What other people, their expectations and when you can really live into your A DHD and how it affects you, your life totally opens up And so that's what I'm really bringing, to people in the corporate space and entrepreneurial space, professional space. Because there's so many things that we have to manage, right? To manage work, we have to manage ourselves, we have to manage our families. A lot of my clients at least are like in the sandwich generation. You got parents, you got kids, you might have a spouse or an ex-spouse. All of that to manage and your civic obligations and then yourself and you're burnt out, you're tired and you wonder why you can't get the dishes done right, or the house is a mess or you just feel outta sorts. If you're balancing all of it, it's just so tenuous, I help women to be able to figure that out and then move the way they wanna move. Like in the corporate space, how do you step up if you wanna step up? If you're an entrepreneur, how do you actually get that idea to fruition and then keep it going, and how do you do that with all the different things that we have to manage? So it's exciting to me. I really enjoy it and I really enjoy supporting black women, because there's all those extra expectations that sometimes I think we don't even remember that are on us. And to be able to look at that and how your A DHD affects that is life changing for people. It was for me, and I'm glad it's for other people. That's amazing. I love the journey that you told me a little bit about already, but I'd love for the listeners to know as well. So you started out as a therapist and became an A DHD coach. So how long have you been a coach and what prompted that transition into coaching? I've been a therapist over 20 years. I've been an A DHD coach. I have to count the one like one, but, uh, that's six, seven years. You know how time goes by and you really just don't count. It's the same way when people ask me how old I am, and I'm like, I don't remember. Yeah. but it's been several years. And what happened for me is what happens for a lot of women. My son got diagnosed with a DHD. Of course when those rating scales came home and I checked off boxes, I was like, that one's me. That one's me. I was like, oh, all of these are me. And even though I had been to school to be a therapist, they really didn't talk about A DHD because I wasn't treating children. And they really were just like, it's a kid's disease and you grow out of it. Which I still think it's funny, but uh, yeah, I saw the rating scales. I saw that it was me. I didn't really get diagnosed until later because I had to still take care of my kid and all the other things It wasn't until I started to lose my words in conversation, and I'm a therapist. So what does a therapist do when the words are like in your brain but won't come out of your mouth and your clients are looking at you like, are you okay? I remember doing research, you know, that deep dive that we do. I did some research for my kid, but I remember something about for women menopause and A DHD and how they didn't mix well. I happened to go to a CHADD meeting and a woman told a story so similar to mine, and she talked about her diagnosis, and I knocked over everybody in the room. I was like, how'd you get diagnosed? And that's when I got diagnosed. But it wasn't until I found coaching that made the biggest difference. Knowing about it was great. I was like, oh, this is why all these things are happening and now I know what I need to work on. But when I found coaching, it was a game changer. Speed forward to 2019. CHADD and ADA have a an A DHD conference and a coach wanted to do coaching, but instead of pulling somebody just out of the audience. They wanted to do like a coaching arc, like a eight weeks, stint over something and I was like, I'll do it. The ask was coach in front of everybody else. I was like, that's fine. And I could get there to Philadelphia. I can barely get down there on time. It's huge, giant. The Marriott Hotel is enormous and sensory overload, and I get into the room with him I don't know. That's 50, 67. I don't even know how many, like middle aged white women were there observing or coaching. And in the middle of that, all of a sudden I get a breakthrough about how I really wasn't accepting my A DHD because if you would ask me, of course I am. But it's no, really you're not.'cause the way I was beating myself up internally at that time in front of all these people. And trying not to say it yet, it was coming out, is when it was a breakthrough. It was like, you really aren't accepting it. you're not accepting that it's just something that happened. It doesn't mean that you're a bad person because after all, you got there on time and you're here and you're showing up and doing the thing. When that happened, though, it was scary because it was not the safest space. I did not feel like it was a safe space for that to happen. But it happened and I'm grateful for it. what I also noticed when I was at that conference is that that conference was four day long conference morning to night. There might have been 20 black people, maybe, I don't know, 30 people of color in general at this conference. And I was like, this doesn't make sense'cause Philadelphia's about 60% black. And I was like, do they not know? Did it not feel welcome? And so by the time I got home from the conference, I need to make that my mission because again, if that happened for me and the way that things opened up like that. Everyone should be afforded that and especially, black people who, it's just so hard sometimes for us to access any type of care. So that's when I turned to coaching black women especially. And maybe'cause I'm a black woman and I know what I went through. But I also had decided to create a space for black people to gather and black professionals to gather because I was a black professional. And after I left there, I was like, oh, well then who can I talk to besides the five people I sat at the table with that were black, that were at the conference. And so that's what I thought about having the A DHD, black Professionals Alliance. So it is a nonprofit for black professionals who serve black people with a DHD. It's also a space where black people with a DHD to come gather, meet, find a professional. that looks like you, if that's what you're looking for. Get real data about things that are actually happening. With the rhetoric that's going on now. I think that's more important than ever. Have community and to be able to ask the questions. That you might not get answered in other places, that are relevant to you. it's been great. It's been a great journey. And again, like with the way that things have just really been going in a direction in this country and things that are said about Neurodivergence and, I don't know they wanna call it diversity. It's just that we're all here and we're all diverse. But the way that they're talking about it, and the things they're trying to erase, I feel like it's more important than ever. I'm just so glad that, it came to me and I started it.'cause we're already up and going. I think that's incredible. When I first started working in the corporate world and we started talking about diversity more, it was learning through other people's lived experiences that truly helped me understand things from a new and different perspective. And I know for me personally, when I first got diagnosed with A DHD, I thought it was for little boys and I thought that there was never a chance in hell that I would have a DHD. I went through a denial period. And so that's why I started the podcast. I wanted to give a voice to women and what their lived experiences were. But something I don't know a ton about is the difference in getting that diagnosis in the black community and what that looks like. can you share a little bit, based on your own lived experience and what you've seen why is it harder for black women to find the care that they need with A DHD? First off, I think all women have it more difficult in getting the care that they need because we're really not looked at as a full human and that's the way I feel. I think we're looked at as like a test subject, and if we get to what's wrong with you, that's fine, but if not. Then, we don't care. the mortality rate for, women giving birth, speaks to that. People have been giving birth since the beginning of time. Why is the mortality rate for women so high in the United States versus other countries? So that just speaks to the level of care that no women get. But when it comes to black women, even if you use, that would be a statistic. I think it's 10 times as much. Yeah. And that's generally how it goes for us in the world. Whatever happens, we're gonna get it 10 times worse because no one's gonna really want to try to care for us. Black women are seen as caretakers. Part of stereotypes is that we're strong, so we're not ever in pain. So nobody ever thinks of that. A lot of times when we're not either caretaking of someone or making someone laugh, we're a lot of times perceived as angry. I walked into a room and not said a word, and they'll be like, what's wrong? I'd be like, I just got here. Right? So it's clearly not what I'm bringing to the room. It's what you are bringing to the room. Sometimes with a DHD, somebody says something like that to you. Your RSD can. Get triggered and it's now I am mad. Right? And if people are gonna think that you're mad or angry or you're sad, which means you're depressed or that happens so much that now you're anxious, you're worried about it happening. You could go to even attempt to get a diagnosis. You know, something's not right and they look at you and they go, oh, well you're depressed, you're anxious, or maybe you're bipolar. I have a friend of mine, she's a physician now, but when she's in her residency, she went to go get a diagnosis and she couldn't get one, but she asked to see, all the paperwork. And what they put down there is that she had narcissistic personality disorder'cause she felt like she could do something. She's actively in her residency when that happens. Wow. So I've heard some of the statistics before too, just about women giving birth and then black women giving birth and what a disparity there is, which is fascinating. Like why is that? But then to the point of A DHD and getting the care I shared with you before we had this conversation is I'm scared to have this conversation and part of it really is because. We've been taught in this world to see people who are different than us as so different that. We just have to accept that we're never gonna get along or we're never going to come to a solution on things. Or to be able to have real conversations where we can see both sides of things. But I truly just want to, and I think there's so much that I don't know about what black women are experiencing that the more I know, the more I can be there to support too, or like we can support one another. When you think about the future of our world, that is beautiful. One where black and white women get together and we're talking about these lived experiences and supporting each other along the way. What does that look like? Because gosh, I'd love to get there one day. I feel like we're gonna need to get there because, I'm really grateful that we have an organization that's like for us, by us, for black people. However, if we don't all begin to look at the things that make us the same and not different, and decide how we want our lives and our country to go, we're not gonna have a choice. We wanna be able to have these types of conversations at all. And, I appreciate the fact that you're asking, right? You're asking me, as opposed to asking me to do the work, You're just like, picture a world. What would that be like? That curiosity, and that's what coaching is like. Picture a world of what that would be. What do you think that we would do? What does that look like to you? And that is to me, how we're gonna get there. Being curious about it, thinking about what would that be like? It would be like to be able to have this conversation without you having to have that, I'm afraid to have it. Or saying I, I'm afraid to have it and just let that be. Not have it have to be the centerpiece of what we're talking about. And I think that is what happens sometimes the centerpiece of what we're talking about is the fear or the centerpiece of what we're talking about is, somebody's feelings about it. So I mentioned going into a room and people will be like, are you mad? And if I'm like, no, there are people like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. what am I supposed to do? And then it becomes about, you know, their feelings as opposed to what just happened was you made a decision about what was going on for me without telling me and asking me how I felt. Now I'm dealing with my own RSD and I'm dealing with your feelings. That is a different conversation than having a conversation about what's my lived experience and how can we better use that to make a better future for the two of us. That's all that we're asking. Maybe I need to ask a question. Yeah. So that's what I love about coaching too. It's a lot of questions. Yeah. Some people are just like, oh, like you just, you ask questions. Yes. Because. Questions are where possibility lies, right? If I'm just only giving statements, then that's like you've stopped the thought of what would things be like if it's like this is what it's just going to be. So that's what I love about coaching, because especially with A DHD, we have such these weird experiences. I don't have this experience that some people have of, it was the most horrible life ever. I couldn't get anything done. I don't have an experience of, childhood trauma. those are some things that happen to people and it happens a lot to black people. I just don't have that story. The story I have is being really confused about the days that it went great and the days that it did not, and how that could be consistent at all. At all. And, it led to. High school, I was doing great. Then I barely got out college. It took me eight years to get out of undergrad. And still I didn't feel like there's anything necessarily wrong. It's just, you know, I wasn't focusing and I knew that, however. It was that, why wasn't I focusing? Like I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know why. I didn't know why until I was in my fifties, right? And so having that be the backdrop to my life would've helped out some because I was like, I just need to figure things out and start going, well, I need to figure it out. But that was the one thing I couldn't figure out how to make it go well most of the time. You know, with that, it just didn't allow for others to help in a way that might have been as helpful. when I think about what we're talking about in the future, having somebody ask me questions about it would've been so much better than people making decisions about when I show up late, which I can show up late, without any help. When people don't understand or they don't ask questions, then we can't come to any resolution. And then what's happening is you're just making decisions about me, what you think, and your bias is running the show, So that's why I feel like just the place where people can talk or ask questions like what could we do for you? What could you do maybe for yourself? can you imagine? we had a place where there was flexibility between like you and I and the other black and white women, where we could just create the stuff that we create naturally. Right? Women, we are the power. We are both so powerful and our A DHD brains. I know yours comes up with amazing things all the time, right? if it's your skills, is my skill, we can just come together and not have to worry about the other, bullshit. that's what I see and I think that if we did that, we would not even have to worry about the position that we are in now. we'd take it over and make sure that it went the way that it's supposed to go. I love that. I love it so much. And just to touch on what you were talking about with conversations and asking questions and being okay with whatever answer you get on the other side, but going in curious so that you can truly have a conversation, I do think part of what we're dealing with is the media right now is telling us what a certain group of people believes about something, right? Whether it's the left or the right, or black or white or immigrant, non-immigrant, you are being told what people think about a certain thing and then instead of having conversations and seeking to understand. You're simply putting people in a group which divides us more because we're not actually having conversations. Even intergenerational, where it's the baby boomers and Gen X and millennials and Gen Z. Instead of having conversations, we just assume that they act a certain way. one thing I think is important to highlight is you have a group for black women only, and why is that important? Why is it important for just black women to be in this group for, the executive coaching that you do? The thing is. Because we don't know each other, right? I talked about like the way that other people perceive us. The way that we perceive ourselves is worse, right? We have a DHD. The way that you beat yourself up about all kinds of things is the worst thing that you can possibly do. So a lot of times with black women, we have to perform in a certain way. Have a superwoman, cape on at all times. I feel like we need to take care of everything and everyone, we don't take care of ourselves. And then when we're also looked at like not capable and capable at the same time, there's conversations we could have together. There's a certain different conversation I'm gonna have with other black women where when we have that conversation and it's like, oh my God, I thought it was just me. I thought I was the only one. So we don't have to have that conversation like about race. We don't have to have the conversation about gender. We have a conversation about A DHD and how it affects you, You just finally feel comfortable. I say, community is like the sav.'cause a DHD is like being peck to death by, a duck, right? A thousand cuts. Yeah. Community is like the sav and like the bandaid. So like you can finally heal. And so when you can have a place where you can finally heal. That's when you, you can really take off with your A DHD, because I don't really get into that. Like superpower, not superpower, you know, debate. It's more of when you lean into your strengths, there's nothing that we can't do, nothing. So having a space where people can come, feel comfortable, camera on, camera off hair done, hair not done, and just have these types of conversations is. I feel like part of the reason why I was put here on Earth, because nobody deserves to feel like they're suffering alone. we don't have to suffer. What would happen if you got with some people and you talked some things out and you came up with some solutions or things to at least try made your life better and then in turn made someone else's life better. There's nothing better than when you could help somebody else out. So that's part of the reason why all the different things that come at us on a daily basis, you say with racism, misogyny, It feels like people can see that I'm a black woman but you can't see my DHD until you see my A DHD. And that's kind of really insidious. And so to have a place where I can show all of me. For once is just an amazing place to be. the fact that I was able to create it just, and the amount of people that are in it just speaks to how much it was needed. Mm-hmm. I think that's really powerful. And I wanna highlight something that you said, in a couple of different ways you don't have to show up and prove yourself in any way because when you are amongst other black women, you know that you have these shared lived experiences that you wouldn't have to ever explain to me, for example, racism as a white woman, I've literally never had to experience that my entire life. But when you're in a group of. Women who are all black, you know that you've all experienced some sort of either overt or Covert, Racism. And that's already something. Without having to say it out loud, you already know that you can relate on that experience, which means that when you start to relate on these A, DH, D things. You start to understand things in a completely different way. I think it's so valuable to find a group of people who you can relate to without having to prove yourself first. That's where some of those differences come in. And I think it's really important to highlight that it's so good to have these safe spaces it's okay for everyone to have these safe spaces, right? It's incredible that you've created this space for women and what have you seen as far as like people joining the group and their experiencing actually being able to relate to one another and understanding that they're not alone in this world, especially when it comes to A DHD, and what does that look like on the other side after they've had that community to be able to unmask People don't even know that they're masking, right? Like that is the thing. I remember it myself, but it's amazing. Right? There is some code switching that we have to do out here in the world, like as a safety issue, right? I'd love to say that I don't code switch or I don't try to make myself fit into a different space, as a black person. Because we don't own all the spaces. At some level you have to do it. you mask because if I just let my A DHD go, right? That roundabout conversation would happen all day long. So there's some stuff I have to do, but to have to mask it, every moment is tiring. And you wonder why you feel overwhelmed and burnout, Most of the women that come into the group and the women I coach are burnt out. They don't know why it's a physical thing also, Because that's what happens with burnout and you don't even know it. So when you come into a space. Where you finally feel seen and you can finally unmask, you can see it? Just your shoulders no longer at their like earaches. Like they come down. Yeah. And they have conversations they've never had and they're tears and there's crying, but there's cheering on. The other side is a place where I can ask that question. I can say that thing that anybody else might think is crazy. Or I might think, you know, anybody else is just not gonna understand or I can just listen to other people and support them in that way. It is, it's a palpable experience and it's something that again, can like begin to heal you. And when you start to have those healing, it can be like, well what can I do with my A DHD?'cause so many people are just trying to fight it. Fight it. I just won't get rid of it. I just want it to go away. Can you just, I don't take your magic wand. It's like, no, I can't, but why would you? This is just part of who you are, so it's not, what you are. It's just a part of who you are. So when you start to unmask, you can start to love yourself. And there's, there's nothing like seeing somebody lose all those, that veneer, all that shielding that they have to have all day, every day and begin to love themselves. Go out in the world and then start doing it for other people. That to me is even the best part.'cause then they leave and the people that they already know, whether they decide to do coaching or something like that. But they'll come and they'll, you know, maybe gather one or two people and say, Hey, I found out about this and I wanna let you know. Because that's really how we are gonna change the world. We don't love the medical system. There have definitely been parts of the medical system, like we mentioned earlier, that don't fit for us. But when somebody who, you know, in your own community says, Hey, I got something that can help you, we're more likely to try that. And so that's another reason why it's so important. So people can, again, start to get the help that they need on their own terms. I love that. So as we're thinking about the future and, bringing people together, where do we start? I told you before we started is I am nervous to have these conversations'cause I wanna be right and I wanna do it perfectly classic. I want it to be beautiful right away and to have it all figured out. But the truth is, without starting, without making mistakes, without saying the wrong thing, to understand what the right thing is to say, I don't have an idea. Of what to do next. And so I think part of it is truly understanding like what I want the world to be one day and what that vision is coming back to the coaching space. And that's what I do with organizing too, right? Like you can't organize the space without actually knowing where you're going. So where do we start having the conversations? Obviously right here we are, where we've started. But if people are listening at home and they want to have some of these harder conversations and start to talk about like where can we find our similarities and start to understand each other for who we are, and then embrace each other for our differences.'cause it helps us understand the world from a new and better perspective. Where would you suggest we start? From a place of, understanding but not a place of expectations, right? Mm. So we, like, when you reached out to me, you just, you didn't know me. You just reached out on LinkedIn and you were like, Hey, this is what I'm thinking about. You know, I really think that this is important, and I really hope that's something that we can at least have a conversation about, you know, and decide if you wanna do the podcast. A that I felt that was brave.'cause you didn't know me at all. You didn't come with an introduction or anything, and you didn't come with an expectation, right? You were like, this is my thoughts and I'd love to have a conversation about your thoughts. And I, so I think that is how people can proceed. Not having a bunch of expectations, not expecting someone else to do the work. Asking questions that make sense and allowing someone. To say, Hey, that's not really the way you would say it, or That's not cool. Right? Yeah. And for you to take that not as a criticism, right? Which sometimes IHD, the RSD goes, no, clearly I'm wrong. Clearly I, it's always to take that breath, that I tell my clients when that happens, you know what that feels like. Mm-hmm. So when you feel that, that means to take a breath and go, that is just my RSD doing it, what it does. What should I do instead? What's gonna be better for me or this situation? And then doing that instead, because that I think is what happens. Like you feel you come in and more nervous, then maybe RSD kicks in and you're more nervous. Now I don't know what to say. Now I'm just totally all over the place, or I'm not gonna say anything. Or I'm never gonna revisit it if it didn't go well and to. Take a second and say, not having expectations, can I ask you some questions? You asking first? Because of being curious and vice versa, right? Allowing people to speak in the way they need to, to speak and having people be believed, I think that that is something that we don't really talk about. Because they're just like, that story I told you earlier about my friend, having a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder while she was, you know, residency. That's a story that some people are like, that couldn't have happened. You kidding? Why would somebody do that? Like, that doesn't make any sense. It's like, yeah, it makes no sense, but it happened. And a lot of times people don't believe the things that are, currently happening. So it's to believe the stories that, we tell this is our lived experience and to have it have a meaning, right? So addressing it from there and not discounting it, because that is really where it's hurtful and it's hard. And I think that's when we don't make any movement. Then you can tell people about how it could work better for me. What do you mean that you might need what you got five alarms on. For what? Why? Nobody would need five alarms. Oh. You showed up there and people acted like they didn't know who you were. Things like that happen. People, you go places and they act like they might not know who you are people will say different things, or maybe you won't get a job, or you won't be perceived as somebody that could handle something because you're black. And many times they'll be like, well, did they say that? It's like they didn't have to say it. These are things that happen all the time. And then sometimes you wonder why people don't wanna talk to each other. So it's to believe them. And if you really can't wrap your head around it, it's to ask a question. You think that happened? Why do you think that would happen? Or what do you think that we could do about that? Or, are you okay? Yeah. Okay. That's beautiful. And also, if you're listening to this and you don't know where to start with questions, chat, GPT is amazing. Go in and say like, I don't know what questions to ask. So tell me what questions to ask. have something, a reference point to start with. Because the more you practice, the more you'll get better at it. I think. That's one of the reasons why I wanted to become a coach is because. People are fascinating. Whether you live in Texas or Massachusetts or California, you're gonna look at the world totally different. And then based on the way that you were raised or the color of your skin, you're gonna look at things differently and, and based on your lived experiences, you're gonna look at things differently. And we only know what people believe about something when you do start to ask questions and start to understand things from a whole new perspective. And. I think it's so valuable and I'm looking forward to continuing to have these conversations. So tell me, as an A DHD coach and someone who works with people with A DHD all the time, and you have a DHD, how do you possibly stay organized with everything going on and, and managing so many people? And what does that look like to you? It depends on the day. Right. Okay, cool. Yeah. What's interesting is like people think, oh, you're an A DH ADHD coach, so you must have it all together and it must be, you know, organized in that beautiful, pristine way. And I'm here to say that is not true. Um, I think what most people generally, but especially with A DHD, it just looks like it's organized in a way that works for my brain, right? So for my brain, there is. You can see the desk, in front of me.'cause the desk behind me looks all, you know, curated looks. Oh, yeah. We, yeah. Like the desk in front of me has clutter on it. Right. Because there's a certain level of clutter that I'm gonna have to live with to have things out, because I need to see some things. If I put it away, I, I'm gonna lose it. Mm-hmm. So knowing that a certain amount of clutter is. Just where I live. It's organized in a way where I know what I need to see. I like to only do like three things a day, if possible. Break that task down, make sure I'm breaking it down to task in that projects. definitely do that and maybe have a bonus one. it's funny, I was gonna try to do the thing where it's like, oh, you only see clients on these days, and it's no. I like to see clients all the days. I don't have as much room for one-on-ones, you know, starting a lot of groups, but I like to have that interaction. But in between the interactions I have, because I work from home now, I do a lot of housework then. Right? Because that half an hour, whatever, it's great. It's great to, I don't know, vacuum the carpet or whatever. And actually get some things done. And so that at the end of my workday, I'm not like, oh my goodness, I need to do this or I need to do that. Like it's done in small bits. It didn't feel like extra, it wasn't something where I was trying to split my brain to do maybe coaching time and then like paperwork book work. Like I can't do that, but I can go and I don't know, unload the dishwasher. it's a way to keep me organized because it keeps me going because if I start to do something else. Then I would be all, all over the place. And my clients have to get, quite frankly, they have to keep me organized because again, when you do stuff together, we know what time we're meeting, I know you know what notes we're doing, and they are ready and, eager to do things that's gonna move themselves forward, which helps to keep us organized. And we work on it together in whatever ways works for you and whatever works for you on that day. Right. Yeah. whatever works for your brain, right? Because what works for you is not gonna work for me. Or maybe it might, but only certain aspects of it.'cause no matter what, I'm gonna adjust it to whomever I am and whatever I do. So case in point right there. But then in addition to that there's a certain amount of clutter that you could accept as something that you need in order to thrive in your own world. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that, and everybody gets to define what that clutter or what their organized space means to them, and that's part of that future thinking again. I love you said earlier really accepting your brain with a DHD? What kind of advice would you give to person who's seeking acceptance of their brain? Trying to figure out if I do have a DHD, like, what the heck do I do next? It's interesting, when I get a lot of new clients, because most of my clients are, older women, like over 40. So you've been going around all this time not knowing that you had a DHD, so late stage diagnosis. They'll get diagnosed and go, now I know, but does it mean I can't, you know, I can't do anything. Or they start to feel like there's something wrong with them now. And I'm like, did you feel like there was something wrong with you? Not that you were confused or like you saw things and you didn't know it was happening, but now you're deciding that this is a disability. Right. And that means I can't do anything. And I'm like, you were doing things before. You've made it into your forties and living your life. Then you've been able to figure some things out. Yeah. And so to know that you can figure some things out, like it doesn't have to be a disability and to lean into how did you figure it out before? Because that is the acceptance, right? Not being like, oh, I'm accepting that there was just like something totally wrong with me. That our brains are just if they function in a different way. And is that okay? I say it is. And when you do the things in a way that your brain tells you to do, generally it works out better for you. Now, I'm not saying it works out better for everybody else'cause those are their assumption, but I will say for you, you're just like, yeah, that was great. So when you can start to lean into that. Sometimes other people will start to, once they see you thriving, sometimes they'll just get outta your way. Right? They might not like it, they might not understand it, but sometimes they'll just be like, all right, ADHD is a real diagnosable condition. You're not crazy, lazy or stupid, but this is something that's happening. And when you can lean into your strength, like amazing. I have amazing women I work with that are doing all kinds of amazing things. Some of which I can't even tell you because it's off my pay grade to know the things that they're trying to explain to me they're doing like in tech and. As long as they stay in that zone of genius we can work with the other parts of the A DHD that are the parts of your weaknesses. We bolster them up. So that's how you begin to accept.'cause when you accept that it's working well, it's well what if I just kept doing that? Yeah. I love that perspective. Thank you so much. Where can my listeners find you? So I am. At inger she.com, I'm at Inger, she everywhere. LinkedIn, all the socials, Facebook, whatever they are. so inger she.com is where you can find me, and that's the A DHD, black Professionals Alliance. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for coming on and having this conversation. I'd love to have you on again in the future and, talk more about A DHD and how we can continue to work together to help people know that they're not broken. They've gotta find what works for them. I love that strengths conversation. I think it's beautiful. So thank you. You are welcome. I had so much fun re-listening to this interview and this conversation. There were so many other takeaways that I had and I wanted to share them with you. One of them was accepting A DHD, so you might know you have it, but are you accepting it? And that was really powerful for me because I know when I was first diagnosed with A DHD, I thought, okay, well cool. I'm just going to keep trying to do all the same things the same way. I've always known how. I just now know I have a DH, D, right? So not a lot of things changed until I started to do some more research and really accepting that I'm not gonna show up the same way every single day. And my executive dysfunction is gonna get in my way a lot, I thought it was really powerful when she was talking about how she couldn't understand why some days it went so great that life, she could just conquer it in so many amazing ways and how sometimes she just couldn't make it make sense. A DHD makes it make sense. It's just about understanding how do we give ourselves grace on the days that we're not able to show up. She talks about how community is a place for you to heal, and that's really powerful when you find people who know what you've been through and are there to support you and help you understand that you're not alone. It just feels better. I mean, especially when you don't have to prove yourself first. I joined a networking group when I first started my business, and the entire time I felt like I had to prove myself in order for people to truly accept me. And so I left because that wasn't the type of community I wanted to sign up for. I wanted to be a part of community where you didn't have to prove yourself, people just believed in you so that you could grow and succeed A DHD. It's a part of who you are, not what you are. That was beautiful. It is a part of who you are, but it's not what you are. There's so much more to you. Then simply A DH, D. So go check out Inger, all the links to connect with her are in the show notes below. And in addition to that, if you're ready to join a community and you feel like mine is the right one for you, I would love to invite you in. The doors are open until the end of June, and then I'm shutting the doors for the rest of the summer so that we can really get to know each other. And there's something to be said for just building community with the people you're with, and the doors won't open again until this fall. You'll also get a really good look into what it's like to downsize and move across the country with four animals and two kids also while building a business because this business is still being built. If you guys wanna send me healing thoughts that would be really amazing. But on another note, if you just wanna leave a review or shoot me an email on how this podcast has impacted you and your life, i'd love to hear it. Thanks so much for tuning in. Have a great week.