ADHD and Depression: Real Talk with Ron

Ron Souers is an ADHD advocate, podcast host, and author dedicated to empowering adults with ADHD to embrace their differences and unlock their true potential. 

Connect with Ron: 

Don't Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD!

Website: https://dadhdwss.com/

In this episode, the host shares the emotional journey of an impending move to Massachusetts, touching upon the chaos and mixed feelings involved. They introduce Ron, a factory worker with ADHD who started a podcast called 'Don't Mind Me, I’m Different.' Ron discusses his late diagnosis of ADHD, workplace challenges, and how mindfulness practices have helped him manage depression and stay organized. The conversation also delves into Ron's coaching program aimed at helping introverted individuals with ADHD become more socially confident. Both the host and Ron emphasize the importance of routines, positive self-talk, and the therapeutic value of open conversations about mental health.

01:38 Garage Sale and Decluttering
02:00 Introducing Ron and His Journey
03:36 Ron’s ADHD and Depression Story
09:17 Mindfulness and Routine
13:57 Podcasting and Helping Others

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Transcript

0:43

Hey, beautiful people. Welcome back to another episode of organizing an A DHD Brain. We have one week until we close on our house and we start our trek across the United States to get to the East coast. We're moving to Massachusetts. We are so excited and we are terrified, and there are so many emotions that go into this, and I was thinking about it yesterday and how when people talk about something being hard. you don't naturally start to think about what does hard mean? Heart means that you feel so uncomfortable, you wanna run away as fast as possible. But when something is already in motion, there's nowhere to go. But to sit with the uncomfortable, to sit with the feelings that come along with the uncomfortable, there's excitement, there's sadness, there's nervousness. There's. The unknown, the feeling of just really not knowing what's next. Our routine is out the window. Nothing has a place in our home anymore, especially as we let things go. Not only do I not know where to find things, but my husband doesn't know where to find things, and we're losing our minds just a little bit. Everything we do plan on taking with us, we put into our front room the office that you may have seen in a video before. It does not look like that anymore and we are slowly letting go. We are emptying out cabinets one by one, and I'm so proud of all of the work I have done to get to where I am right now because. We're able to make some really good conscious decisions on getting things out of our house because we've been doing this for so long. It's not something that we're starting from scratch just because we're moving. It's something we've been doing for years. I did get complimented this last weekend on how organized my garage sale was. I was very proud of that. But part of it too is because we had. So little still to leave out there. And in fact, our garage sale was really the stuff that we would've brought with us in the event that we didn't try to sell everything at the end here. Let's go into talking about this episode. I recorded this way back in March. My friend Ron and I met because he had been doing some research about A DHD, found my podcast and included some information I had shared on his website. I was so flattered him and I started chatting. I was interviewed on his podcast and I invited him to be on mine as well. I love his story. What's really neat about him is first of all, he works full-time in a factory, but then he decided that he wanted to start a podcast and it's called, don't Mind Me, I'm Different, and he's also working on becoming a coach. He's a prosocial coach, so he helps people with A DHD become more social. He also talks a lot about depression and how that can affect us on a regular basis. So I'm really excited to introduce you to him. He is the type of person that loves to find the positive in people and is just really interested in having conversations and the way that he describes in the podcast today. Kid-like Conversations where we just naturally ask questions that people wanna know that we've forgotten how to ask those questions. I'm so excited to introduce you to him. So without further ado, here's my interview with Ron. Ron, welcome to the podcast. Hey, Megan. I'm thrilled and honored to be on here. Yeah, I definitely am flattered and appreciate that. Heck yeah. I'm so excited to chat with you a little bit about your journey, talk to you about your podcast, and maybe dive into a little bit of how depression affects us with A DHD and at least some of our experiences. So tell us a little bit about your journey. How did you discover you had a DHD. yeah, it was for me, I didn't know that I had it until about two, two and a half years ago. And people had kept telling me that I needed to slow down my whole life and, I just thought they. didn't know what they were talking about. I couldn't sit still and I didn't know why and I just thought that was like normal. So what ended up happening was I got to the point where I was getting written up for safety. Violations at my job one, I had like almost crushed my hand with a power lift. One of those power lift jacks. Because somebody had said my name while I was, moving that I was trying to walk it off. I'm fine. I ended up having to say'cause nothing had seriously happened, but it became an incident. And then, I ended up dropping two totes and it could have been a lot more serious. They're like huge totes, like 300 gallon totes. Luckily I had a person in my life who was like, you need to talk to your. Primary care about this and schedule an appointment. And I was like, you know what? I might lose my job like this is something that I need to look at. Even in that session, with my primary care, she didn't really want to point towards A DHD and at that time I thought there was a difference between a DD and A DHD. I was very confused and she was like, you know what? here's a list of of psychologists. And it was like. A huge list of different types. And I had to figure out by my own research who to call and who to set up. And I was like, at that point I need the help right now. I was pretty sure I had a DHD, I finally was able to see my therapist and, confirm that and, those sessions in the beginning were very eye-opening, but also very like when he said to slow down and do nothing, that was like a knee jerk reaction for me. I was like, that's not something I want to do. But I've been able to practice that in my life, and it has really helped me to give me space, and be okay with where I'm at and with things not happening the way I would like'em to. So I really like the way that you described that and before we started recording, we talked a little bit about that. I was sharing how yesterday I just felt so dysregulated and all of these things that I normally go to, to practice mindfulness or to get myself back into my conscious brain instead of going down this rabbit hole of doom. They weren't working because I was just so focused on what was going wrong and it is this constant practice. And the more you do it, the more you get familiar with that practice, the more you know that it is in your back pocket. And even if you don't wanna do it in real time, you seek it out anyway because it's gonna support you yeah. Yeah. 100%. some days where I'm like, I, do I even have this? Like I'm so good with I'm so calm and patient, but it's like I. Days like today where we were talking about, I just want to burn everything down. That I've worked so hard because it's not where I thought it would be, or where I imagined it could be, even though I've never done it, something like that before. So it's like a window inside the mind of what it's like to have a DHD. Yeah. Like normal people don't Just decide to light things on fire like that they worked on, they're like, let's give it some more time, honestly, it makes me feel a little bit better knowing that other people are feeling that way too. Because, you don't show up the same every day. You show up with who you are that day, right? Like we're one big chemistry experiment as one of my friends would say. Yeah. And every day we show up a little bit different in the world that we live in and the job that we have to go to, the things that we have to take care of and. We don't do well with consistency. Where do we find the continuity? Where are we able to continue to come back to showing up? That's really powerful that you've been able to start this podcast and continue putting out shows. And you're past your seventh episode, right? Yeah, I actually just put out episode 16 Yesterday, and it's called, the Miracle Drug, how Exercise and Diet really help to regulate your A DHD. It's one of the top things that you can do. I've tried it in my life, anything that I put out on my podcast, i've done the research on that. I'm not just putting out there'cause wow, this looks like something cool that I should put out there. I'm doing this to help other people with, the A DHD and I actually have somebody at my work that's he said that, he tells me like the voice that you have. you've put terms on the things that I feel and it's it's that kind of validation that helps me, just a little bit to you know, it's not about helping, thousands of people. It's about really helping like in depth that one person. Yeah. When you're putting out podcast episodes and managing,'cause you work full-time during the week as well. Yeah. And then also, building something on the side. How do you keep yourself organized and what are some of the mindfulness practices that help you? Yeah. The biggest thing that really helps me is is a routine, like getting up and doing, like the same thing and actually it starts out at night.'Cause I went from watching TV until two o'clock in the morning after I got off work, now I don't do that typically during the week. Usually maybe I might have one day in the week where I watch one show. But then it gets me to this place where I'm going to bed without watching tv, without like those blue screens. And then I get up and usually I go for a walk. I try to incorporate mindfulness into that walk, like just paying attention to the walk, not thinking about what I gotta do in the rest of the day. Like even the steps or especially the birds, like I love, being curious about the birds that are walking around and the fact that. I'm getting sunshine, which is huge for depression. In the morning,'cause I am not a morning person, or at least I didn't think I was. But now that I've been doing this routine. And like eating breakfast and then, getting exercise. Because when you get exercise, you actually have 10% to 15% more ability. After you get the exercise for about two to four hours, so you're more inclined to learn and absorb that information and focus on it. So I found that my optimal time is between eight and 11. at three hours spot is where I can get the most done, where I'm the most productive, that's when I usually try to focus on the things that I would like to do in the day. And then I go to work and. I usually try to take a break. And do a formal practice of mindfulness. It could be really anything from, there's like a loving gratitude meditation and I usually have it like sprinkled throughout the day. Like little reminders like with stickers especially with breathing, to ground my practice and the reality, it was like I'm living a good life. Like I may not like really enjoy, exactly where I'm at, but I'm able to do things within my job. That make it enjoyable, like putting stickers in random spots to remind me and being curious to see if those stickers will actually stay there. That's really cool because not only are you doing that for yourself, but you're spreading happiness in other ways because other people are gonna see that. Although like I know that sometimes if someone tells me to smile on the wrong day, I am like, Nope. Uhuh. But I think it's so beautiful that you're able to. To do that. That's so cool that you've found that works for you. and thank you for asking that question. I've found, like even if I don't help anybody, but I'm focusing on myself, so you take like the other side of the depression and it's i'm gonna be depressed. I'm not gonna do the things that I want to do. I'm gonna be behind, and no one's gonna know why it's gonna, it steals your time. It steals your joy. It's a thief, but on the flip side of that, if I'm mindful. Like I come in and all the people around me are gonna have a different experience with who I am that day just by trying to be more mindful or noticing somebody's strength. That they're using in that day, it's called strength spotting. So I try to compliment somebody on what they're doing, if they're being curious, like for you, you're having perseverance and creativity, and you're really showing that and it's needed. So those are the things that. I'm really trying to incorporate in my life. It doesn't always come out that way, but it's like when I'm feeling down, it's like I know who I can be. And I'm trying to get back to that place better, faster. It's so cool. Thanks. No, I really love it.'cause I think there's so many people out there that are struggling with depression and struggling with these negative thoughts that they have about themselves that it doesn't feel. There's this other side of it, but I've struggled with depression a lot. During high school, college, in and out of it throughout adulthood. And it's been a struggle. and I know you've been vocal about it on your podcast too, which I love because I think the more that we talk about it, the more we can make it real. It's a real thing that so many people struggle with. And if we talk about it a little bit more, we can help one another get out of it and figure out. What is beyond the depression and what that looks like. So can you share with us a little bit about your journey? I didn't realize just how depressed I really was because like a lot of people with depression mask it and, deny it. Oh, I'm not depressed because that's weak or whatever. that is, but since I've been doing mindfulness, it opens up that, observation of it's okay to be depressed. It's okay. I'm not gonna fight this. Because the more I fight it, the worse it's gonna get. Sometimes I just gotta ride that wave and be curious about okay, what is this telling me about who I am? in the beginning talking about depression on my podcast, it was difficult,'cause it's it's depressing. Yeah.'Cause it's vulnerable. It's yeah. for me. I love to talk about depression, when it's happening. Because that is like one of the best things I can do for myself is to talk about it, and hear others, especially when others are bringing up their own depression. Because I'm like, yeah, that this opened the door that wasn't there, and it's like. It's crazy because like most people like for you it's I see you all the time and you're great and you're just, you're full of joy and got great humor and and it's like, how can this person be depressed? And it's for me, it's some days I'm on and I'm like, like the other day I'm like learning Spanish and I'm like, really? Me too. Awesome. That's so cool. How long have you been learning? Sorry. We'll come back, but that's so neat. Yeah, it's it's been three months, but like I, I went in and I was like, pump for it and'cause I'm like learn, learning this new stuff and I want to practice it. And I've got, some Spanish friends at, amiga in mijo. Yeah. So I'm like, but something could happen in my life. That I didn't expect, like all of a sudden I'm like my podcast isn't doing as great as I thought it would, or my dad asked me a question is, are you making any money with it? Because that's his barometer of success. Yeah. And it couldn't, but it's really not about that at this point. But like that affects my whole mood Moving forward. And if I'm not able to like, talk about that and express that, it just remains trapped up inside. it's nothing but dark and it feels like you're in a trap. Yeah. And It gets scary dark in our brains sometimes. And especially with A DHD, we ruminate on so much. So we can get caught on one or two thoughts and then in our brains connect all of these neuro pathways of like, why all of that is true. Like we're looking for all the evidence. One reason why I smile a lot is my mom was deaf and she is deaf. She's still deaf. She did not cured, but when she would meet new people, she always had a smile on her face, and we grow up by mimicking the people around us. So I mimicked her. So I learned how to smile. But what's interesting is that I smiled throughout depression, right? It's not that the smiling cured it, it's just the way that I masked it. And I don't think that I truly knew I was depressed at the time too. So that's a really good point that you bring up. It's not like we're going around being like, I'm depressed. It's like going around like this. Life is really hard to live right now. I don't know what's going on, but I'm gonna put a smile on anyways.'cause that's what other people are doing. I just really appreciate you sharing your perspective.'cause it could look so different from person to person, but understanding that there's ways out of it is really helpful. But it's a practice. It's a practice that can be difficult and one thing I notice now is, especially like when I go through a phase where, maybe the podcast isn't doing what I wanted it to do and I start to talk down on myself, I can flip it, I can flip that script, and I'm getting better at doing that. But I noticed that my brain wants to go back to the ways that I've always practiced. I've always practiced talking down to myself. And so when I start to see something negative, my brain's Ooh, let's go down this journey.'cause we're really good at that. So it is about retraining yourself and creating new neuro pathways to create the positivity in your life that you're looking for. The hope, the joyfulness, the purpose on why you're here on this earth. Yeah, definitely. And one of the other things that has really helped me is I go out and I get interviews in the street and I asked'em about a DHD, whether they have it or not. And like this week it was about exercise and diet, whether they're getting, what they're doing. I met a guy who's he actually works at a place for, neurodivergent children to give them exercise as a group. And I was like, what is the odds of me running into this guy when I'm like for this podcast. And that's where I feel like I'm connected to who I'm supposed to be, but it's also like I'm developing a coaching. Program to help people like me that are introverted, that are dealing a DHD and dealing with depression to be able to be more pro-social in order battle that depression and overcome that depression because what it's done for me is helped me to be more confident. I don't feel trapped. And, it's not about just talking to just anybody. It's about going deep quickly. Yeah. So I'm Talking about A DHD and depression and even suicide with people that I've just met. Wow. And one of the episodes was talking about, what it's like to be black and have a DHD and that was it was difficult, for me, my mind's like, how can you even ask somebody that, you know, but the response that I got from that, they were like, I'm so glad you're out here doing this. We need that. So it definitely was worth it. It is challenging. Like I do get rejected, but it's like the ones that I do stop, are worth the conversation. And yeah, I was like, like I want to practice what I'm coaching. And that's one of the things that I do is like I say, push yourself, push your limits.'cause my social battery is like at the end of the last session, like my social battery was. Just about dead. And I was still like, you know what? I'm gonna still try to ask'cause in my head, families probably won't want to do an interview. And when I asked, I was like, excuse me, can I ask you a quick question? And they were like, Nope. Yeah. So I'd got rejected like four times before I finally got the last interview. And they were, Jehovah Witnesses and they looked like they were packing it up. And I was like, you know what's one more? No. I had already gotten enough, but I was like, they were one of the better interviews of the day. And if I didn't push through that, take my own medicine, like I wouldn't have had that experience and it was a great experience. That's so cool. I love that you're having these conversations and especially the conversation about race is like with our world right now in the state of being that it is, we're scared to have the conversation. We're scared of being wrong. We're scared of saying something that's gonna offend someone else. But the truth is that the more curious we get about other people's experiences, the more we're going to be able to bring people together. We can start to understand each other as humans and as people just trying to survive and thrive out here in this world. But it takes, yeah, truly understanding and asking more questions to get there, which is why what we're doing is so darn cool. It's so funny'cause it's so easy to be like, oh, there's another A DHD podcast. Right? That's how I felt. I'm sure you've felt that way at some point. Yeah, but the truth is that there's no other, Ron talking about a DHD. And there's no other Megs talking about a DHD and organizing, like we bring our own humanity and our own thoughts and our own experiences to the podcast, which is why it's so cool that we're out here doing this because, I might not be for everyone, but there is someone out there for everyone. You will be able to find someone to work with who's going to support you in getting to your goals, and you're the coaching program that you're developing, are people able to work with you now? I'm actually working with one guy, it's still very early on but he's been having very much a similar, experience as me, One thing that he was telling me was he was trying to get a new house and he went to this office. they were like, oh, you need an appointment? To be in here. we can't just take walk-ins. And he started commenting on, the environment and how it was really nice and well put together. she ended up giving him time at that point, so it opened up a whole conversation that wouldn't have been there because he was more open not being like, so self-centered and I didn't get my way. Yeah. But okay, since I'm here, let me comment on this. Or, just like generally for me it's not very hard. It's just, I think for us it might be. It's just about getting more curious. Yeah. Like that childlike curiosity. Like, why are you wearing shorts? Why did you decide to come out here today? Like kid questions. That we've shut away. Yeah. Or put away, because we think that we're gonna get a negative response. Yeah. And we might, one of the questions that I ask is what was the best part of your day? And almost always gets a smile on that person's face.'Cause they have to think about it. Yeah. It gets'em to stop and think, and that's more about that's what I like to bring out. What I love about interviews and podcasts in general is that we're getting to know each other more than what most of us are doing with our families nowadays. I'll speak from my own experience, but my husband and I told our families that we're going to be moving from Colorado back to Massachusetts, and initially there was a lot of judgment and reaction, right? Right away. What the hell are you doing? And my dad told me. I have some opinions, I've got some things I wanna caution you on, and I stopped him. I was like, I love you. I love you respectfully, and if you would like to give me opinions and thoughts and things we should consider, I need you to know more about what we're doing first. And so I implore to ask questions. If you would like to give us any opinions on what's happening, I need you to at least know the basis of it. So ask away. Ask the questions you wanna know. He asked me about 10 questions in a row. I shared everything with him.'cause I'm an open book. I don't mind sharing the things. It's so important that people who want to know the answers, if they're asking the questions, I'm gonna tell you the answer'cause that's important to me, And he goes, wow, I'm just glad that you're finally sharing all of this with me and how I'm like. Okay. Yes. And I just wanna point out that I'm sharing with you because you are asking me the questions that you wanna know. Yeah. And so I'm answering, sometimes this might be like an inner child thing. I shut down when I don't know if people wanna know things about me. So I'm not gonna share if you're not genuinely curious about Something that I'm doing because that's probably I don't wanna bother you type of thing, but. I just wanted to say I am glad that you stood up for yourself there, and created a much more positive conversation with your father.'cause that is one of the things that is huge for building self-confidence, especially with ADHD is like being able to know your boundaries. Yeah. and to set those in a healthy way, and that's awesome that you're doing that. I'm learning and practicing. Where else where can we find your podcast? Oh, you can find it on Apple. It's called, don't Mind Me, I'm Different. Yeah it's got 16 episodes in a trailer. And yeah, if you have any suggestions on what topics you'd like to hear moving forward. The next episode is gonna be on women's history and actually how a DHD shows up differently in women. And I've got a lot of fantastic interviews for that. Ron, you're doing some beautiful work out there. Keep going. Thank you, because you too, all of the listeners here are gonna come and fall in love with your podcast. So thank you so much for joining me. I hope you have an amazing day. Yeah, you too. Thanks. Okay. You might have noticed that we didn't talk fully about organizing in that conversation, but here's the thing. When you're organizing with A DHD and decluttering and making all these decisions, all of these things come into play we work through so many emotions when we're letting go and when we're putting things in places and learning how to trust ourselves. It's important for us to listen to these conversations about having a DHD and what it's like for other people, because we start to see ourselves in these lived experiences. Understanding ourselves a little bit differently because we see how someone has met themselves in a different way. Like Ron, when he discovered his depression and how important it was for him to be able to talk about it. It's important for us to be able to talk about our clutter, to be able to talk about our organizing in a way that makes sense for us, in a way that we can start to wrap our brains around making the difference that we need to make in our own lives. He also talks about routine and how it's important for him to have a routine that he follows in the morning, that starts at night, the night before, how depression is a regular thing that he supports people with and has to be able to support himself with and just recognize what's real. And I loved our conversation about retraining our positive talk, the way we speak to ourselves, because that's where a lot of the work is done. So many of the people that I work with when I was working in people's homes, they were so mean to themselves, so unkind about the clutter that was taking up their lives because they were embarrassed. And it's almost like we feel like we need to put ourselves down so other people know that, hey, we're not proud of this either, right? We need you to know that. We also feel like that's probably what you think. So I'm gonna put myself down first, but that's not the case, guys. Like we've got to be able to say I'm working on this. This is something that I would like to change. I don't necessarily know how it starts within. I'm gonna post all of Ron's information in the show notes below. And then just another quick announcement for you. I'm not taking any more coaching clients right now. I do have a wait list on my website, So if you're interested in possibly being a one-on-one client come this fall, I'd love to have a chat with you if you go to organizing an ADHD brain.com and click on Ways to Connect. You'll see so many different ways to work with me, either for free in my community, or of course one-on-one. And right now, my community is also closed for the rest of the summer, and I'll reopen that in the fall as we continue to let go, organize and build an amazing community where we support each other, getting through these ridiculous emotions that are sometimes standing in our way. If you can think of it, wish me luck as we're about to trek across the country with my two girls, four animals and a whole lot of hope for where we're going in the future. thanks so much for tuning in, and I'll see you next week.