Curiosity Over Perfection: Navigating ADHD with Behavior Insight

In today’s episode, you’ll meet Anishia Denee — a board certified behaviour analyst, ADHD coach, and founder of Authentic Self ADHD Coaching. She helps adults make sense of their patterns, shift from shame into curiosity, and build strategies that actually fit their strengths, values, and capacity. Her blend of behavior analysis, ADHD coaching, and lived experience offers such grounded, compassionate support for real ADHD life. 

Website link: https://www.authenticselfadhd.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anishiab/

Threads: https://www.threads.com/@anishiab

We talk about:
 • using behavior analysis to build supportive rhythms 
 • recognizing and celebrating tiny wins
 • navigating the messy middle
 • making decluttering easier on your nervous system
 • what to do when executive function taps out
 • how community + self-awareness change everything

This is a gentle, encouraging conversation that reminds you:
You don’t need to be consistent to make progress — you just need to keep returning to yourself. (persistence)

01:47 — Anisha’s Background and Journey
How she went from behavior analysis into ADHD coaching — and why her personal story matters.

04:49 — Behavior Analysis and ADHD Coaching
How behavior principles can support ADHD brains without shame or rigidity.

07:16 — Understanding and Embracing Personal Values
Why values-based living makes rhythms stick more than motivation ever will.

11:46 — Managing Clutter and Environment
Realistic strategies for building a home that supports (not drains) your brain.

15:16 — Navigating the Messy Middle
Progress isn’t linear — here’s how to stay steady when it feels chaotic.

19:27 — The Value of Coaching Through Challenges
Why co-regulation, support, and outside perspective matter so much for ADHD women.

21:21 — Basic Needs and Self-Compassion
A gentle reminder that sleep, food, and rest are foundational — not optional.

23:13 — Community, Creativity, and ADHD
How connection makes follow-through possible, and why creativity is a strength, not a flaw.

25:03 — Experimentation and Personalization
There is no one-size-fits-all. Learn to test tiny adjustments and honor what actually works for you.

29:18 — Noticing Progress and Releasing Perfectionism
How to see the tiny victories your brain tends to overlook.

32:38 — Behavior Analysis and Understanding Triggers
Why your reactions aren’t personal failures — they’re patterns you can understand.

33:55 — Connecting and Finding Support
How coaching, community, and safe people help you break old ADHD cycles.

35:40 — Final Thoughts and Encouragement
A gentle send-off reminding you that small shifts build real confidence over time.

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Transcript

0:39

Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited to introduce you to my new friend, Anisha. she is an A DHD coach, a behavior analyst. She's a fellow, A DHD, or she's a cat mom, which I find is a pretty common trait amongst us, A DH DERs, and she's also a toddler mom, and pregnant with her second baby right now too. Yes. Her website is fabulous. She has so much knowledge. The people that have worked with her have nothing but incredible things to say about her. You and I met on threads because we just started talking. I was talking about the Messy Middle and doing a podcast episode and finding other people that were ready to talk about it. And I love the way that you engage with the A DHD community. It's been fascinating to watch. I'm so glad to now know you. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. It was so great meeting you on threads too. That was my leap into trying to engage more on social media and it was a great experience getting to meet you there. Yeah. It's neat to see you engaging you have found a way to truly create a community there and I'm very impressed. With what you've been doing so far. Thank you. That means a lot to me. Absolutely. Tell us a little bit about you, where you're from and what caught you into A DHD coaching. I am from BC Canada, so quite far away from you, but I am self-employed. Which I love. I wouldn't have it any other way. I get to follow all my little ideas in tangents. Maybe not all of them, but lots of them. I'm a cat mom, toddler mom, and pregnant. And honestly, having a toddler makes you relearn everything, but practice all the tools and all the strategies. In 2018, I started my master's degree in behavior analysis and then I finished that in 2020, right in the pandemic and then studied for my board exam to become a board certified behavior analyst. And that was like a really big four hour exam. That was like climbing a mountain, trying to prepare for, finished that. And of course, right after I was like. You know, I should do something new. On top of that, now that I've done all the school and the tests, I should, look into this other program of A DHD coaching because I've always loved talking about A DHD with my friends. Seem to attract all the other a ADHDers just naturally and. It's just so enjoyable for me to learn more about it I did my coaching program with the most amazing cohort of other ladies that I get to still be in contact with, and it was such a great sense of community and I found through that process, I've just worked on integrating the two approaches. So. Behavior analysis is different, but what I learned through my master's degree and my board exam and my experience in that field really helps inform how I look at things and how I work with people. So it's been really fun for me to explore how the two can interact together and, just see what the next step is for me. I'm never somebody who's happy just doing one thing, so the variety has been so helpful for me. Yeah, preach. It's like I get new business ideas every day and I'm like, Megan, like you could do other things but keep it in the same realm. We've worked really hard to build this so, or. Every new hobby, I could monetize this. Oh my gosh. You can actually have a hobby and not monetize it, believe it or not. Yeah. If you needed to hear that, you're welcome because sometimes I need to hear that. Yeah. I've tried to keep them separate because then they're like low pressure. I can pick them up when I want and drop them when I want, and. Those are just for me. But this has been something that is like a hobby, but also it's my income. I enjoy it so much. People with a DHD are some of the most fascinating people I've ever met in my entire life. Mm-hmm. The people that truly wanna understand their brains and like get to this next level of experiencing life because they see the barriers, but wanna understand the barriers. Mm-hmm. It's really cool. I mean, I'm not surprised I ended up here. I was always that kid that was like, but why? But why? Yeah. And my entire education and now careers answering those questions or digging into them more and figuring out why, or figuring out what the next questions are. It needs to make sense. It needs to make sense. Yes. Okay. So I love this behavior analyst part of your life. That's what you got your master's degree in it. Mm-hmm. And from what I was looking at on the website, you help people analyze their behavior and their surroundings. So tell. What you do as a behavior analyst. Okay. And why that's important to what you do. Yeah. Tell us. Tell us everything. So behavior analysis looks at patterns of behavior to figure out why people do what they do. If you're seeing a theme here, the why again and. What supports people, what gets in their way and what makes certain actions easier or harder in their life? So I find that impacts my coaching because we're not focusing on fixing the person person's not doing anything wrong. We are focusing on how can we set things up to accommodate your needs, figure out what your needs are, figure out what's important to you, and then design different aspects of your life to support that. I really enjoy looking at like. Okay, what's already happening? How do you naturally function? And some people might see it as like, but that's the problem. I think we're most successful when we look at our, our natural rhythms and tendencies and like how we do best and then build off of that instead of trying to, change who we are, on smaller scale, an example would be like, I'm never gonna be a person who puts all my clothes away perfectly all the time. That's just not me. And I figured that out. So instead, I bought multiple laundry baskets and put them where I drop clothes. And that made it so much easier because it's in sight and it's so easy. And I just went with where they're ending up naturally instead of trying to shift. Every part of how I'm doing this task. So on a larger scale, I think something like that is applicable to lots of people and something that we do a lot in coaching and in behavior analysis as well. That's beautiful. And to that point, we so often compare ourselves to other people and then we feel like we need to live up to this expectation or this perceived expectation of what other people need us to do. Mm-hmm. Which is too. Pick up our clothes and put them away perfectly. Right. That would mean I'm organized, except that we truly just need to understand what could be good enough so that it works in the moment. Yeah. And we can be proud of doing something that works for us. Yeah. And what is actually important to us, maybe that's not important to you and it's totally okay. It's not worth spending the energy on. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Totally. But we sometimes expand that energy because. We think it's important to everyone else, so we're like it's gotta be important to me too. Yeah. I do love that you speak to finding your authentic voice and your authentic self through coaching. Tell us a little bit about what you mean by that. I find just through my own experience and also the experience of the people that I work with and my background in behavioral analysis and working with different kids. There's a lot of pressure in life to show up as someone who's like quote unquote normal or like do what everyone else is doing or there's a right way to do things. And I find that over time, that just puts so much pressure on you and leads to so much masking, which. Sucks your energy. Often by the time, especially for late diagnosed people, by the time where we get diagnosed often as adults, especially for women, it's hard to even figure out who we are anymore. I'm really passionate about helping people figure out like who they actually are, how they actually like work. Well, everybody has strengths. Not compared to everybody else, but compared to yourself, you're gonna have strengths of some sort. And lots of people come to me thinking they don't have any strengths or they don't know what they are. So figuring out like what are you passionate about? What are your strengths? How do you do best? What makes you feel fulfilled in life? Really discovering like who you are as a person without that outside pressure of who you think you should be is something that I'm really passionate about. It's hard to mask all the time and to not feel clear on what's important to you or what you like, or you know, how you even wanna spend your time. That's beautiful. I find myself asking a lot asking myself, what do I want? Mm-hmm. And oftentimes I am thinking about what I should do, should all of these shoulds and all of these things I'm thinking about what other people might expect from me. And then I pause and I'm like, wait, what do I want? And sometimes I don't actually know the answer, which is an important thing that I'm noticing and I'm trying to figure out. Because oftentimes we are so concerned with everyone else that we don't ask ourselves. Mm-hmm. And then we do mask, we do try to fit everyone else's mold of what we think is right. When you were talking about that, I was thinking about, it is so hard to sometimes figure out what you want. And I think sometimes we can get stuck in that. Goal setting cycle, like I have to have something that I'm working towards right now. I have to be clear on what I want, even if you're in a period of trying to figure it out. Sometimes that can be a lot of pressure. Over the course of coaching, I have learned a lot about values, and I have explored this concept a little bit more, which I really like because instead of it being like a destination like I need to get here, it's more of a compass so you can make choices that move you in that. Direction of the thing that you value. And sometimes that freedom can be so empowering. Like I don't have to have it all figured out right now, but I know this is important to me, and this decision will be more in line with that value and that's still okay. While I figure out what I actually want in life. I love that you were able to reframe that and talk about values. I actually had a therapist tell me to go and figure out what my values were, and then I saw a video on TikTok, hear Me Out the other day. And something I work on with my clients is our beliefs, like our beliefs, fuel our thoughts and our thoughts then become actions that we take on a regular basis. But our beliefs come from our values. The values are the ones that fuel the beliefs, and I thought that was really valuable because oftentimes we don't think about the values that we truly hold dear. Like what even is a value? Yeah. How does one discover their values? When I start working with people in coaching, I have a whole bunch of different options because everybody learns. Best differently. Some people can get like absolutely stuck with open-ended questions, but you give them two choices and they're good. So there's lots of different free values assessments online. There's word banks where you can choose which ones resonate the most with you, or that you start by saying, okay, these ones don't apply to me at all. And work backwards until you have a short list. There's ones that display two different cards and you select which one resonates with you more, and then you go from there and it gives you a short list at the end. There's ones where you can reflect on a past experience and, and go from that process of figuring out your values. I think it, it's really individual and depends on what helps trigger that reflective process for you in a way that is not so much pressure that you shut down. Cool. We'll drop one of those free assessment quizzes in the show notes, that way people can check it out when you talk about behavior analysis. And values and working with people. I'm curious about your experience with helping people with clutter.'cause that's something that you help people with as well. Like the organization, the getting to doing the thing oftentimes. Mm-hmm. Well, A DHD coaches in general work with organization because that is an executive function defect, right? Mm-hmm. That's something that we are not very good at. so first thought that comes to mind is that a lot of people are very affected by the amount of visual stimulation in their environment. So for example, my space reflects my brain if it's very messy and there's stuff everywhere. I'm not sure which one is like the initial part, whether it's like my brain feels lettered, tangled. It's hard to think and therefore like it's hard to do anything. Or if my environment is getting away from me first and therefore like I just have a harder time.'cause there's lots visible, but I find that dealing with some of the clutter and the environment is something actionable that I can do even on a hard day. Even if it's just starting with one thing. Like I know this piece of garbage goes in the garbage. I'm going to put it there, and if that's all I can do, that's okay. The other thing is that the environment triggers different thoughts of things that we need to do and memories and whatnot. So it's such an opportunity to use it strategically. But in order to use it strategically, you have to have a. A limit on the stuff that's visible. So I have never been a person who's not gonna have some sort of stuff on surfaces. That's fine. But I have been able to shift the stuff that I do have on surfaces to help remind me of the the ways I want to spend my time, or the things that are important to me, and I love that. In order to do that though, I have to be able to notice the things that I am purposely putting out versus the things that end up. Out anyways. Right. I find that a lot of people who are struggling to manage clutter are stuck in the decision making process. Like there's just so many options, there's so many decisions, and now we're frozen. So breaking it down to, I know your ideal goal is to post those and sell it on Facebook marketplace, however that is like. A ton of steps, and maybe it's not accessible right now. Maybe we need to find a way that's more accessible in order to get that out of your environment, if that's something that's important to you, really separating out what is my ideal plan for this clutter versus like what meets me where I'm at right now. Because the ideal is not helping anybody if it's not happening. I have sold things on Facebook marketplace. And I have also paused and just taken like car loads of stuff to donations, which have been a game changer. The amount that I've been able to release in one moment without having to make 15 more decisions on it. Yeah, it's been such a beautiful experience and such a release in a way that brings that same dopamine rush as. Going to home goods and buying hundreds of dollars worth of things, right? Like mm-hmm. You get it in a different way because you are freeing up your space. Yeah. In such a beautiful way. I really think that our environment affects what we do and our ability to process things and how we spend our time. And when you're bouncing from thing to thing, which is so common for us, a DHD years, it's already hard. To stick to it. So if we're environment set up in a way that encourages that, like jumping from thing to thing to thing and feeling so stuck, that's only going to compound the situation for us. Yeah. When we are jumping from thing to thing, we are in this cycle of stuck. Even if we're feeling like, mm-hmm we're making movement and we're doing things, it doesn't, we don't see progress. Yeah, doing and progress are definitely two different things. Took me a while to figure that out, but yeah, it's brilliant. It's brilliant. Okay, so this season we're talking about the messy middle, and I define the messy middle as the point from, point A to point B, but like all of the grossness in between, because we can see the before and after pictures on Instagram. Mm-hmm. We see the people who have written the books. Right. Like, this is who I was and this is who I am now. But in between that there is a lot of work to be done outside of our comfort zone. Mm-hmm. And so often people hire a coach to go from point A to point B, understanding that. Well, I just want this, and I want it to be easy, but also we don't necessarily truly understand the grossness that comes in between Sometimes it actually gets so much messier. Before it gets better. So in your experience working with people, tell us what it looks like to go through the messy middle and how the hell do we do it? Yeah, the messy middle is a like an interesting concept. I don't know if there's really an end to it. When we set goals, we're achieving those goals and assuming like now we're good, but really. Life is just a series of ups and downs, and we will get to the point where we feel for a moment where like, things are good, we're in this slow state, we're managing well, and then life happens, right? Somebody gets sick or your perfect routine gets thrown off, or you know, growth in itself is uncomfortable most of the time because change is uncomfortable. It really stretches us. I think that my biggest, messy middle moments, there's two clear ones that stand out to me in my life. Number one, when I was in university, that's when I got diagnosed and it was a giant, messy middle. I think that the only pauses were like between semesters where I was like, okay, I can breathe again, and then you're into the next one already. So that time felt like, just trying to keep your head above water and it's so uncomfortable and not everything's going to be perfect. It's impossible to have things set up in your ideal way all the time, as much as we'd like that. The other time that really stood out to me was after I had my daughter, when it feels like all your structure and everything falls apart and you relearn from the very bottom of like, how do I feed myself again? How do I do anything because none of my supports, none of my structure is there anymore, and trying to figure out like I can't work out under the ideal circumstances anymore. How do I get back to moving my body? Because I know it helps my brain. Like you have to relearn everything. I mean, that feels like the epitome of messy to me. Yeah. Because not only. Are you like, you're not necessarily learning a new skill all the time and trying to change in that way, but like the skills you thought you had and the things that you thought, and you know, these ones are solid at least, and a rhythm for my life. Those were gone in both situations, so it really forced a lot of growth and that is uncomfortable. Yeah. I wanna dive into what it means to like notice the discomfort because I think the way that I used to do it, and I'm curious if you can relate to this. The way that I used to notice discomfort is I would. Feel obviously really uncomfortable, but like the feeling for me is a gut feeling or like my chest will get really tight or I will start to frantically fix things or get into this all or nothing mode of trying to make things better. And for example, my husband and I, we just moved to Massachusetts and I previously owned a home where I had bins and labels, and I had figured out where everything goes in my home and thought that I would very easily be able to do that. When we got here, but of course I had to follow my own methods and I had to think very strategically and very hard about making decisions. It, there was no more autopilot. Mm-hmm. I couldn't go on autopilot mode. I had to stay. In this very decision making mode, which has been very, very uncomfortable, like, how do I make these decisions moving forward? So really, I wanna know when someone feels stuck. Mm-hmm. And they're coming to you. And you've been working together and they have made progress, how do they get back on track again? Right. And this can happen. I love these moments. Okay, cool. Awesome. Yes, I do too. So tell me about how you approach it. First of all, I wanna start off by saying like, it's so much easier when you're not the one in the middle of it. Like it's so much more clear when you're on the outside looking in. And that's why I'm totally fine saying like it's not always clear for me in my life and I don't think it ever will be.'cause nobody's perfect. You could still help other people even if you haven't a hundred percent mastered it in your life without support. Support is a great component of it, but when I start working with people, I tell them in like our first call, there will be a point where you're not moving forward or you feel like things have dropped off or something in life gets in the way. And this is actually the most valuable part of coaching because if everything's perfect and you're good, that's not life. And then if that's happening our entire coaching package and then we're done. You haven't actually worked through the problem solving process of what those like big feelings and like. Oh my God, I feel like I failed and now like, what's the point of trying again because I'm just gonna fail again. All these thoughts that are coming up and your past experiences impacting, like how you feel about it. That is the point where I think coaching is the most valuable because you can support the process. That's where the problem solving happens. Like, okay, this wasn't sustainable on a hard life moment or like on your hardest days, so what needs to change? Is it that what you were doing no longer works? Sometimes it no longer works, but usually it's a matter of like we have haven't accounted for the low capacity days or the days when everything is challenging and we are now telling ourselves that it's dropped off and there's no point in continuing when realistic. We need to plan for those days'cause they will happen. ADHDers have varying capacity. Almost everybody I've coached with has days where like the brain won't brain. It's just a part of it. And we can account for that and work through it, but the more opportunities we have to practice those moments where it feels like everything has fallen apart and how are we going to restart the more prepared people are for after coaching. When those moments happen and they're on their own. It's beautiful. It reminded me of a freebie you have on your website that I wanna highlight, have you taken care of your basic needs, And it reminded me to drink water. That moment. It's interesting because on those days that we feel like our brain can't brain, we're most dysregulated, those are the days that we're the most hard on ourselves. Mm-hmm. And those are the days that we're not gonna be able to get the most done. Yeah. Which is fascinating and it's just such an interesting thing to notice. It's so easy as an A DHD coach to sometimes say. Oh my gosh. It's hard for me to notice those things because I focus on this. I help people through it, but the introspection you need to be a coach for yourself is a whole nother level. In fact, I don't think that you should be, because while you are the expert on what works and what you need. Other people are always going to bring you a new perspective. Mm-hmm. That's why we listen to podcasts. That's why we talk to other people with a adhd. Mm-hmm. And coaches need coaches. Yeah. I could say that until the cows come home, because I could say something all day long and I might be living it, but it's not until someone else says it to me that I'm like, yes, implement that. Again. When you're hiring an A DH ADHD coach that also has a DHD. I try to really model to people that I still met, try to manage my A DHD. That's just, I'm not trying to fix it. It's a part of who I am and how I work. And I'm not gonna say it's a superpower'cause I hate that there are strengths and there are significant struggles. But if I can model to people, like we're gonna have those hard days and they're not gonna necessarily go away, but our measure of success shouldn't. B, that we never have. Hard days. All right. And like, I'm still going to have my own executive dysfunction. I'm going to forget what tools work for me. And then somebody will say it and be like, oh yeah. The amount of times my therapist has asked me like, well, what would you tell somebody in a coaching call if they said the same thing to you? And I'm like, yeah, right. Yes. Yes. and it's also such an important aspect of just having more people with A DHD in your life, so you don't feel like you're going at this alone. That just brings me back to that, you know, your experience on social media and bringing people together and asking people what does work and what works for them, because it's such a great idea to understand. You can go online and find a bazillion strategies and tools and whatnot, and I think there's so much more to it than just knowing what the tools are and also getting new ideas and having ideas for starting points is so valuable because maybe you just haven't looked at it from that perspective before. Or maybe somebody sharing their experience can help you be like. Oh yeah, like that makes so much sense to me. I'm gonna try it and have hope that there's stilts things that I haven't tried that can work before. The novelty is always a component that makes things a little bit easier for our brains to manage. So it's important to recognize that too. But you know, just having a starting point when it feels hard to just design it on your own can be so helpful and I found those posts really helpful for that. I really enjoyed like looking through. Ambitious probably, but like looking through everybody's responses and trying to themes and make a list of like, okay, here's some things that came up multiple times for people. How do I get more exercise, get a dog that came up like well over 30 times at least, maybe more. But. That's not ever something that would've been on a, like a list online of how to work out more consistently. Yeah, totally. Oh my gosh. People with a DHD are so darn creative. We have a natural tendency to be so creative as a d, ADHD is, and also when you have a lifetime of trying to do things and the right way, we've put so many boundaries on ourselves of even though that might work, I'm not even gonna try it because it's not the normal way to do it or the right way to do it. One thing I end up doing a lot in coaching is like. Giving people permission to experiment and find things that work for them. It doesn't matter if it doesn't make any sense. Sometimes I work sitting on the floor because my body is most comfortable there. It does not make sense to most people. I'm not gonna sit at a desk all day because it literally is uncomfortable and hurts my body, but I can't think in one place all day, and that's okay if I try to. Sit at my desk all the time and do what everyone else does. That will result in one of the least productive days ever for me. So like the process of giving yourself permission, and if you can't give yourself permission, having a community of people that encourages you to give it a try and experiment and see if I tried this, what happens? That is so encouraging because. I have seen so many things online too that are people saying, that's never gonna work for me. I'm never gonna try that because that's never gonna work for me. And sometimes because we see that they have a ADHD too, mm-hmm. We assume that, oh well, if it's not gonna work for them, it's not gonna work for me. Or vice versa. We see that something's working for one person. Then it doesn't work for me. So now I'm like shaming myself because I'm not as good as you. Right? Like there's so many aspects of that. But I do appreciate trying something, whether you think it's gonna work or not. And truthfully, if you think it's not gonna work, then. You're right. Mm-hmm. Because you have decided that upfront. But if you're open to learning and to see what could work for you, that can make all the difference in the world, but that is also building that momentum to actually take the action and to noticing how to take the action. Then to that point too, the decision, sometimes we have so many tools and so many things in our back pocket that we don't try any of them and say they don't work because. We've had too many decisions. Haven't actually tried any of them because mm-hmm. We have too much knowledge. Yeah. And now we don't know where to start or our expectation is in order for something to be a successful tool, it has to work all the time. This is another thing that I start out with that I don't believe that it's possible for a tool to be effective all the time for an ADHDer We need enough tools that we can cycle through when something stops working and we have another option on a short list. Not like something that's going to send us into like decision paralysis. But we need enough options so we can meet ourselves where we're at, instead of trying to bully ourselves into being the perfect person for this tool. The tool is supposed to help us. It's like clothes. Clothes are supposed to fit our bodies, or we're not supposed to change our bodies to fit the clothes. And I think the same thing works with tools and our brains. Yeah. And also taking ourselves out of a box that we need to check to see if it works or not. I was just talking to a client today and she expressed just wanting to get outside. what if you are walking to your car? Does that count as being outside? Can you notice these other experiences where you are outside? And maybe you take a deep breath to enjoy it and give yourself a little bit of grace and credit for doing it. It's that. All or nothing mentality. Oftentimes we're like, well, if I go outside, I need to go outside and I need to breathe 10 times. I need to do four squats. And then I can say that I did outside, right? I did the outside, and now I can go in the inside, but we can actually let it be. The easiest thing possible, but we tend to overcomplicate it. And then if we get it wrong once, then we're gonna get it wrong forever. But truthfully, you're gonna get it wrong until you get it right. And if, if you're not already doing the thing, that can be a really big leap. For your brain, for so many adhd, momentum is so key, and this ties in the behavior analysis side. Too often we are trying, and then we're punishing ourselves by being extremely critical and shaming ourselves for not doing it perfectly. Those are not the behaviors that are gonna increase in the future. Like when we're beating ourselves up, of course it's not working because why would it? It's uncomfortable and miserable, right? If we can shift our bar of what counts and feel the win, maybe that's just sitting on the deck. So you're still getting sunshine, but it's not like going outside. Or maybe it's, you know, I'm just gonna go walk out my door and then walk back in, and that counts and that's fine. Often I find once we're actually in the space, we wanna continue the thing. But when we set the bar so high to even start, like, I can only start if it's exactly this way. It's so challenging. It just reminded me of noticing the progress. So coming back to our perfectionist mindset and trying to incorporate this ideal, if you are striving for a value or if you do have a goal or an intention in mind is starting to see that now. So when I was still in Colorado, one of the reasons why I wanted to move to Massachusetts is because it's super rural and you can see the stars. Like galaxies, like the way you can see the stars here is amazing. And that was one of the things like I can't wait for the opportunity to see the stars. And my daughter had this exercise she had to do for school where we had to go outside and look at the stars and look at the constellations. And there was one night we went out and it was cloudy. And I was like, see no stars. You can't see the stars here. So like obviously we came inside and I started to go out more often and I was like, they're incredible here. Mm-hmm. I just haven't taken the time to notice them. Yeah. Because I feel like there's this thing I need to achieve and to do in order to get to this end point that I'm looking for. To relate this back to organizing too, when you are. Starting to get organized and decluttered in your home. You are not going to see the stars right away, but you could notice that you've put the scissors in a place that future you is gonna go look for them when you're trying to find them. And that is a star right there. Yeah. And you could notice that you actually come back to a project that you started. And you're like, oh, look at this. This is different. And you start to see these things and this evidence of you experiencing this life you want to, because you've taken the time to notice. Yeah. So I appreciate that trigger. I have so many thoughts come up while you were saying that. this's, most recent in my head that came up was the concept of glimmers. I worked with a client once who really struggled with the idea of gratitude because it felt very like forced and artificial. But she really connected with the concept of like glimmers. And it can just be like a moment. It can be seeing a few stars in the sky that's mostly cloudy and that's okay. And I have found this like shift because we have a negativity bias and that at one point was helpful. Our brains are trying to keep us safe. It's trying to help us avoid the lion that's trying to eat us. Right now, of course, there's stress in all sorts of areas, and we have to put a little bit of extra effort into training our brain to notice those small, enjoyable things in life. The other thing that came to mind noticing is the very first step, and so many people come to me and they're like, I've noticed that blah, blah, blah, blah, and I don't know what to do about it, and I don't know how to start working on it. And I try to encourage'em. I'm like, well, you've already done, you've already done the first step, because if you can't notice it, it's. It's impossible to change. Then you just start noticing it faster and closer to when it actually happens, until you're noticing in the middle and able to do something about it. Yeah. That is it. That's what we work on too. It's noticing, and when you notice, you start to get curious naturally as a human. Mm-hmm. Understanding why is this happening? Because when you notice you're doing it once, it's like, oh, that's interesting, and then you notice you're doing it again and again and again. Mm-hmm. It's so fascinating to then say, well, why is this happening? Like why am I doing this and what do I do to get beyond this now? How do I notice to the point that I'm changing and I'm starting to understand that this isn't what I want anymore? Yeah. And figuring out why is so essential. And again, this ties the behavior analysis back in, but figuring out like all behaviors have a function. There's a reason why we're doing it, and if we can really get down to the root of like what it does for us, because if it wasn't doing something for us, it wouldn't be continuing, then that helps us figure out what to do instead or what some other options that might meet the same need are. Yes. Oh my gosh, so much. Yes. Like the way we approach our clutter keeps ourselves safe, believe it or not. Like none of us want the clutter. But our reactions to it keep ourselves safe in the moment. Yeah, in the moment. Not long term, but in the moment, which is half the battle right there. Yeah. So much of what we do is just keeping ourselves safe and our brain doesn't want us to be successful. It wants us to keep ourselves safe. That is just our natural inclination. The definition of what success is has changed over time too. It doesn't make sense for your brain to cling on to successful because it's such a shifting bar. 10 years ago, my idea of success is drastically different than what it is now, and that's okay. In order to be successful, you have to stay safe, so it is still helpful, even if it's maybe not having an effect in your life that you would ideally want. It's identifying new ways to keep yourself safe, reminding yourself that you're safe. I love that there's other options. Other options. That's awesome. Okay. Tell us a little bit about how people can find you. Well, my website has contact information for me. I show up the most on threads over any other social media platform, mostly because it doesn't have 50 million steps to showing up on it. But that's a really great place to find me if you are on that. Otherwise, Instagram is also a good way, and those will both be linked in the show notes. two things that I have on the go right now. I have a few spots for one-to-one A DHD coaching, and that's something I'll always have open. And then I also have a new offer that I've been working on, an executive functioning profile, which is more of like a little intro to. What your strengths are and what areas that might need some support are, and how those can work together to set up some strength based strategies. This is a snapshot into how you work best and some specific questions in a questionnaire. So it's not gonna be like, do this and this will be the magic solution, which I don't even do that in coaching, but here is the starting point. Here are some options that might work for you or a way to understand why certain things are hard and. Why certain things are easy. For example, I have a few coaching clients right now'cause this is a part of my co coaching offer as well, that really struggle with task initiation. But then they have a strength of staying focused. So now that's led to an understanding that the starting is the hard part. But once they start it, they're good. It's a much shorter amount of time that they have to experience that discomfort for and experience that resistance for before they get into the part where they can just flow. So this can be thought of as like a roadmap, a starting point, and then if people want, I have an optional single coaching session to help give more individualized examples or specifically talk about your life and barriers that you think might come up if you try those things and work through the results together. That's beautiful. any last minute thoughts that you wanted to share with the audience before you part us? Maybe just a few of the things that I have found really have stood out to me the most out of my, A DHD experience. There's such a focus on consistency in life. I encourage everybody to shift their perspective to persistence because like we're talking about, there's gonna be things that come up, you're gonna drop off. You're not gonna be able to do the same thing every single day for the rest of your life. And being able to shift to, like, my success is being able to pick this back up when I notice it falls off. Such an important thing to learn as an A DHD and also baby steps count 1% better is great, and it doesn't have to happen every single day for it to be 1% better. You can zoom out and see over the course of, you know, the week, the month. Maybe you're doing the thing more often or maybe you're challenging those thoughts more often, and that is still progress. That's still a win even if you have an off week or two weeks or whatever. I love that. Baby steps is still progress AB to freaking ly. Cool. Thank you. We forget that. We do. We do. It's not, I forget that. Still it up. Yes. We do still have to remind ourselves that, and it's good to hear it from other people and that has been the persistence piece of it has been the only reason why I still have this podcast and continue to grow my coaching business is like coming back to what I know works me and building off of that. Me too. Me too. I remember when it was just the expectation was I have to do it all the time for it to count and unlearning. That took some time, but now knowing that like my experience is still valid, even if I drop it off and pick it up a little bit and it flows with the rest of my life, that can still be success and. Honestly, it's so empowering because life is not the same every day forever. Yeah. Especially with kids. Especially with hormones, especially with everything that comes up preach. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for your time today and your expertise, and I hope if this resonated with you at all, you go check out Anisha and all that she has to offer. Thank you for having me. It was so much fun talking to you, and I will chat with you on Threads, I'm sure. Yes, absolutely.