How Do You React to Your Clutter?

The Power of Noticing: Transforming Your Reactions to Clutter and Life

In this episode, Megs—ADHD coach and professional organizer—dives into the practice of noticing as the true starting point for meaningful change. Before decluttering systems, routines, or productivity hacks can stick, we have to become aware of how we react.

Megs explores the most common nervous-system responses to clutter and overwhelm—fight, flight, freeze, and appease—and explains how noticing these patterns without judgment creates space for compassion, curiosity, and choice. Through personal reflections and real client examples, she shows how noticing reveals triggers, beliefs, and habits that often run quietly in the background.

Noticing can feel uncomfortable. It can bring grief, frustration, or resistance. But it’s also where growth begins. This episode invites you to stay curious, soften self-criticism, and understand that real transformation happens gradually—through awareness, not force.

Episode Breakdown

01:03 – Why noticing is the first step to lasting change
02:04 – Understanding patterns, triggers, and automatic reactions
02:29 – Real-life examples of noticing in everyday moments
05:00 – How judgment shuts down awareness (and what helps instead)
09:04 – Why noticing can feel uncomfortable—and why that’s normal
15:26 – Fight, flight, freeze, and appease responses explained
30:37 – Using curiosity to analyze reactions without shame

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Transcript

Audio Only - All Participants: 0:39

happy January and welcome back right before the holiday season, I did an episode where we talked about noticing, talked about how you might react to your clutter, whether it's fighting it, flying away in the other direction, freezing like a deer in headlights or appeasing, right? If you're people pleasing or you're only cleaning when people actually come over. And one of the things I encouraged you to do at the end of that episode was. Notice, and today I wanna talk a little bit more about what that actually means and why I say to notice, because this is the very first step in understanding how you can make a change in the way that you react to literally anything. On that note, as an A DHD coach and a professional organizer. I'm pivoting my coaching to be more of a whole body organizing experience because every time I work with someone, I've realized this is so not about putting things in places. I talk about that before, but I thought I had to fit myself into a box of still allowing it to just. Be more about donations and getting rid of stuff. And yes, that's part of it, but there's so much more that is along the way, and that's why noticing is so incredibly important so that when you work with a coach where you understand what kind of changes you wanna make this allows you to truly understand where you can make a difference. So let's talk about this. What do I mean when I talk about noticing what does, does actually mean to notice? So often we're operating in our fight or flight brain, which means we're not truly present in our lives. So when we take the time to notice or allow that to just be the thing that we're working on, we start to observe some of the patterns that we have. So noticing really comes from. Understanding what we do. Like every morning I wake up and I make a cup of coffee and I sit down in journal, but I notice that when something's bothering me and I'm ruminating on something, I avoid anything that takes care of myself. That is something that I notice about myself. Another thing that you could notice is I had a really good rhythm of. Going to the gym in the beginning of the year.'cause that was a huge intention I had. But ever since such and such happened, I'm not doing that anymore. Interesting. That's noticing. It could also be, I notice that when I am frustrated and I have had a really long day, I just put things down and tell myself I don't have time to put anything away because it's exhausting. I noticed that towards the end of the day, my brain gets really tired and it's harder for me to keep at bay some of the negative thoughts that I have. That's one of mine that's noticing I. I noticed that if I don't have a plan for meals in the beginning of the week, the rest of the week is awful, because deciding what's for dinner at the last minute is so exhausting, especially when I've already noticed that my brain is already so tired. I've noticed recently that I would love to have a really good nighttime rhythm. But I've never really had one before. I used to stay up really late. I've gotten to bed a little bit earlier. Sometimes I read, sometimes I watch tv. I use blue light glasses, but there's no real rhythm that I come back to. That feels really good. Noticing is just starting to understand some of the things that you have done and some of the things that you say you wanna do, but haven't ever tried before. And really it's just some of the patterns and where you're triggered. Believe it or not, most of the things we do are triggered by an action that happened before. If the kids put their stuff on the floor instead of hanging it up, I have a feeling that comes up inside me and it's immediate annoyance. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I'm just like, whatever. I'll take care of this myself because I don't know how to ask them to do things. I've done it so many times. Nothing's working. I might as well just do it myself. All of this is just noticing the things that are happening in your life. Now, when you notice, sometimes you notice too much and you're like, holy crap, I need to close the lid on this. But you can't actually close the lid. But noticing is really just becoming aware of what's happening in your life. This is different from judging yourself. Instead of noticing and telling yourself that you're a fool for not planning your meals for the week, you notice and say, oh wow, it's very uncomfortable that I'm not planning my meals for the week and I'm still doing this. I'm continuing to not plan my meals for the week, even though I know how exhausting it is every single night that I get to this point. And I don't wanna make a decision on what we're having. It's about noticing the vegetables that keep rotting in the fridge and you notice and say, am I gonna do the same thing next week and continue to buy vegetables without washing them? And then just sticking them into fridge hoping that I might decide that I feel like having them one day. Those feelings never really come up, do they? We have to be intentional about actually eating our vegetables. Noticing and it's not judgment there, right? Like you're noticing these patterns of if I buy vegetables and I just put them in the fridge, they will go bad. Maybe it could be different, right? But without really thinking ahead of what that could look like right now, it's not. I noticed that if I don't get up and wash my face right away, when I decide that it's time to do it, or when I'm going to bed, I will sit there and think about washing my face and get really uncomfortable until I finally do it, because I know it's something that I want to do in my life that includes brushing my teeth. I notice that sometimes when I see my room and it's not meticulously put together that I do judge myself. I notice that I'm doing this because I have this expectation of who I should be in this world as a professional organizer and podcast host and a DHD coach that I have to, even in my private life, have everything perfect. But when I notice that. I start to get curious and I say, oh, I've actually had a really kind of a hard weekend and it makes sense that I wasn't in the present moment really doing with some of these things what I need to be doing. Noticing gives you evidence of what you wanna change, of things that you've been doing one way your whole life that you wanna start doing a little bit different. And when you make a change, it is uncomfortable, This is not about judging ourselves because. As you notice, you might judge yourself when you're noticing, it's just evidence, data. You're collecting information that allows you to see what makes sense. Next, what is your next step? What allows you to take your next step forward? What a gift that really is. It could be if you're noticing these things without judgment so that you can understand that, wow, this has really been a trend in my life. Noticing is such a gift because it allows you to be awake to some of the things that you've done. And what's interesting about it is one would think that when you're awake and when you're noticing things that, that everything could come flooding toward you. But what's really cool about noticing is once you start to notice things and modify them and change them in a way that could work for you, you then open up the door to noticing so much more and start to understand more deep ingrained patterns that you have that don't allow you to move forward. What's fascinating about this podcast as I continue to grow. Is I wanted it to be perfect right away, and it is two years later. It's almost two years to the day that I launched this podcast, and I am continuing to learn. I am continuing to grow, and throughout this entire time, there were a lot of things I had to learn along the way. Not only about myself, but about my patterns, about what I was noticing and how I wanted to show up for others, but more importantly, how I wanted to show up for myself. I notice a lot about my people pleasing tendencies, and I have started to truly understand why I do that, where it's coming from, and how I continue to show up on this podcast. Naturally noticing can feel really uncomfortable at first because, My observation is when we start to notice, we do start to judge ourselves, right? And if we're used to judging ourselves, well, this is just more evidence that supports this ingrained belief that we have about ourselves that maybe other people have ingrained in us as well, but we are just perpetuating that truth as we continue to live our lives. And in reality it is data. So coming back to that, but it feels really uncomfortable because when you notice that is a change in itself. Noticing is something new in your life. And when you are doing something new, it is uncomfortable because it's different. And being different is scary. We have this innate desire as humans to want to belong. We want to belong so much that we sometimes change anything that we want to belong. So why does noticing sometimes feel uncomfortable? At first, it feels uncomfortable because that means that we're changing the way that we look at our environment. Change in itself is being outside our comfort zone and being outside our comfort zone is uncomfortable. But guess what? It's actually a teeny, tiny baby step of just understanding some of the things that you're seeing. Like I noticed that I put the cup on the side of the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher. Why can't I just put it in the dishwasher? And you don't actually have to take that step right away. And that sounds lazy, right? In the words that people sometimes use to describe us. Sure. But noticing just allows you to see that's happening and starting to get curious of why. And what noticing will do that'll make it even more uncomfortable? It is normal for things to start to feel like they're getting worse when you start to notice, because part of what's happening is that you are noticing a lot of things, and now it feels like in your dysregulated brain, in your fight or flight response, you're saying, now I need to fix everything. It's a way that we try to fight it. Okay, well now that I see everything, I need to fix everything. Except that in reality, that's. Not something we can actually do. You're just noticing. So you can start to see where you want to make a change, but it is very uncomfortable. But this discomfort is something that we often run away from and we fix it through being on our phone. The dopamine washes over you And what's interesting about that is it's become so easy to make ourselves feel better in the moment that we forget about these uncomfortable feelings that we're feeling. So instead of actually feeling them, we shove them down just a little bit more. They don't go anywhere. They're not expressed in reality. We just shoved them down, but what if we felt that discomfort? Because discomfort is normal. It's normal to feel uncomfortable because that uncomfortability means growth. But when you're feeling uncomfortable, it's not easy to understand that that's what's happening in the moment. That's where it can get really hard is like now you're having a really hard day and things are different, and you're trying to do things a little bit differently, and you're like, why? Why does this look so much worse than when I started? And that's because you're changing. And changing is not perfect. It's not supposed to look like an after picture on Instagram. It's supposed to be this messy middle. That's why I talk about it so much because. This is the journey. The journey of learning and having bad days and good days allows you to learn so much about yourself so that you can get to where you're going. And then guess what? When you get to where you're going, you just notice more, and there's more to figure out and grow upon, and that's okay. That's normal. That's human experience and it's powerful stuff. What's really interesting when I work with people is. People start to notice patterns that continue to come up in their life. Holy crap, I continue to avoid this one thing on my to-do list all the time. It is so uncomfortable. Or I'm having really hard time responding to texts because I want to say the perfect thing. So I just don't say anything at all. I've been avoiding it. I have clients who are frantic and trying to do everything all at once, and they notice how frantic they are and they pause and say, oh, what's happening right now that I feel like I need to be like this? Can I pause? Can I take a deep breath? Can I remind myself that I'm actually safe in this moment? Other patterns that we see is just putting things down or putting things away in a place that we think is fine at the time, but we're not actually thinking about it. We're just putting things in places because we're hoping for the best. Other patterns are simply putting things in a room and closing the door because we'll deal with that later. It's noticing how much of our life is a big old unmade decision. Every single thing. That email that you're avoiding, responding to the subscription, you're avoiding deleting the budget. That certainly needs a good check. There are so many things that we avoid to keep ourselves safe, and these patterns start to show up when you are noticing. Something that I have noticed is as I try to make Christmas, the Christmas experience a little bit different, something I really want is to have Christmas be more about experiences and more about memory making and maybe even planning out our year and what that looks like. And I also noticed that Christmas has been ingrained in me as a. As almost showing up as the best mom by buying the most gifts, which is not something I believe, but is very easy for me to come back to It's different each year, and this year was different, but after some reflections I noticed that there's still some improvements that I wanna make. And what's interesting about. Christmas only happening once a year is that I never really did some of these reflections that I'm doing now. And doing these reflections now really helps me understand what I do wanna do differently. The next year, What does fight look like with stuff or tasks? When you start to notice, you start to see what things irritate you. If you start snapping maybe you're aggressively decluttering. Maybe you're forcing yourself to make a decision on something that you're not actually ready to make a decision on. Fight looks like so much when it comes to our reaction around clutter. That was definitely something that came up with me Every once in a while. Oftentimes we do it just by, forcing ourselves through, and to be very clear is that something has triggered us, right? Something triggers us when we go into fight mode. Something has happened and now we're reacting in a way that is going to keep us safe in the moment, and that's by fighting our stuff. It's a way for us to control the situation, and our body reacts naturally because we have this ingrained sense of how to keep ourselves safe. So we fight our partners because they might not have done something the way that we wanted them to. We fight our kids because they're not keeping up with their room and they didn't clean it immediately when we wanted them to. We fight our kitchen and we find ourselves on the floorboard cleaning after trying to put away two weeks worth of stuff that was left out on the counters. The fight response comes up because of something, and when you notice, you start to get curious about what's actually happening here. What happened that allowed me to go into this response? What? What am I keeping myself safe from? You might not be able to ask yourself in that moment Because the fight response that envelops you, it feels really intense. But you could get curious afterwards. And when you get curious afterwards, you start to see things from a different angle, like what happened initially, we could just blame other people. Sure. But there's something going on there that's deeper than that. I shared this example on the podcast a while ago about how I started angrily, cleaning my kitchen, and I found myself coming back to consciousness as I was cleaning the floorboards, trying to get them back to as white as possible, thinking in my head, I must go get the paint right now and actually paint these because they're not white enough. They're not perfect enough. And I started to get curious. I'm like, why am I so angry? And initially it was because, well, there's stuff left out, there's stuff everywhere. There's kids papers, there's, you know, there's food products out as far as like just boxes of cookies or chips, you know, like there's just random stuff left out. The dishes probably weren't done. And sure I could get angry at everyone else for this, but then we also don't really have a regular way of getting this done. Like the kids don't have a rhythm of, putting things away at night or even helping really, this is when they were a lot younger. My husband also has a DHD, so naturally he's not gonna go toward that as a thing that he wants to do. But it was interesting because it just allowed me to understand that we didn't have a rhythm. And as I was reading over my journal from last year, one thing that I had incorporated as a part of our rhythm was just cleaning up 15 minutes at the end of the night and seeing what I could get done. And what's fascinating is you can get so much done in 15 minutes and you might not wanna do it right away. In fact, you're never really going to want to do it. But you can do anything in 15 minutes. And so is that something that could prevent you from having that fight response in the future? Possibly. Another thing that you might notice is appeasing people pleasing in that you're only cleaning when people do come over. You notice that, right? You're noticing that that's what's happening, but then get curious why. Why am I only doing this when people come over? Maybe I'm ignoring the fact that this has actually gotten a little out of hand, and I don't want to let any of my friends or family know how bad this has gotten. I don't want them to know that there's something deeper going on. I don't want them to see my chaos manifested around me. I am going to hide that. And what are you hiding? What is it that you're hiding that feels a little bit better when people come over? It could be a surface level thing, but it could be deeper. You get to decide, like that's up to you. And then of course the flight response. And you're noticing how you start one task. You don't finish it because another task has distracted you to another task, to another task. And you start to get curious about why did I do that? What happened that made me feel like I could do all these things. This is not a judgment. This is not doing it right or wrong. I just wanna put that out there. Even having like a right or wrong sense about all of this is a dysregulated thought. We wanna be right in doing it, which is part of the reason why we're held back so much from getting anything in order in our lives. So when we come back to these responses again, you're just noticing not because it's right or wrong, in fact, the goal isn't to be regulated all the time. The goal is just to notice what's happening in some of the triggers that are sending you into this emotional response that maybe you don't have the right tools and avenues to handle. Maybe you were never taught. I know I was never taught, so like this stuff is fascinating to me and why I'm incorporating it into my own coaching because this is so important for you to understand and when you start to understand your reactions to things, you can understand why so many of the tools that you use or don't use or that work or don't work depend on you and how you react to stuff. It's so interesting. So coming back to what flight looks like, right? Something has triggered you and so now you're in a flight response. So it could be that you only have a certain amount of time to get things done, and now you're going from one project to another. Maybe you do get some stuff done. Maybe this is the only type of time that you get things done. Maybe this is the reaction that you're relying on or hoping for. The next time that you say, oh, when I feel like doing it, this is what I'll do. This is also sometimes what we do to avoid doing the thing that we actually need to be doing that might be on a deadline, but we don't actually wanna do it. So if we're procrastinating by doing something else, maybe even another non-preferred task because this one feels better And then of course freeze mode, right? And this looks like deer in the headlights and really just not knowing where to go next. This is caused by a lot of overwhelm, but, well, you tell me what it's caused by. What is your freeze response caused by, and what do you do? So when you feel like a deer in headlights and you don't know which way to go, you don't know where to start as so many people say. Acknowledge that and get curious about what triggered it. Did you start to think about everything that you have to do all at once. Oh my gosh. Well that's gonna be dysregulating for anyone. Our to-do lists are never getting any shorter. They're only getting longer. That can sneak in, especially during the holidays or when you're going through an event like, I don't know, planning a wedding or planning a birthday, or, experiencing a death in the family. Different things like that can really exacerbate your ways that you stay safe, but ways that are also keeping you stuck.'cause that's what's so interesting about noticing is when you start to notice. You don't really unsee it, and because you don't unsee it, you start to understand that, oh, this is why I'm not able to stay organized. This is why I keep feeling like I'm doing so much, but I'm actually going in a circle around and around and around. Noticing gives you so much information to start to understand what's next. I highlighted that this is not doing something wrong. You're just noticing. You're noticing who you are and what you do. That's it. It's just data. And when you notice those negative thoughts coming up, or even being said out loud, well, what time of day is it? Right? Have you noticed? Is it in the morning or is it in the evening? Okay, if it's in the evening, are you tired? Did you eat or drink enough today? That could be part of the reason why those thoughts are coming up. But more than that, you could say, okay, I see you thought. This is just data. I don't need to beat myself up because of this. And you can turn that around. And all of these reactions that we have to our stuff are really just trying to keep us safe. It's trying to keep us in this status quo. It's trying to keep us. A place where we feel comfortable. And as much as you might say I am certainly not comfortable with my clutter. Yeah, absolutely. But notice the patterns you have and when you avoid that clutter, does it give you a little bit of relief in the moment? Does it allow you to just feel a little bit better because I know I have to deal with it, just not right now. Procrastination, avoidance, the cycle that we stay stuck in. And then of course you're gonna look at it again and you get uncomfortable, but then you notice again and you're like, I just don't wanna do that right now. I'm going to avoid it. I'll deal with that later. I'll deal with it tomorrow. And in fact, I'm actually just gonna go on YouTube and scroll what organizing means. And I'm gonna do a ton of research. Maybe I'll listen to Meg's podcast again, and it'll finally inspire me to take action. We are just keeping ourselves comfortable and I'm not judging you for it, as I have gotten really comfortable being uncomfortable'cause I have done this a lot. Every time I get a little bit more comfortable again in one area, I start to see these other pathways of growth in another area. But because I've gotten so comfortable in one area, I start to see how much I can grow in another, and I start to see how capable I am. I was just talking to Megan from a DHD at work. I interviewed her for the podcast too. So you'll hear that on an upcoming episode. And we are talking about social media and how a lot of the reels that we see are perpetuating the problems that we truly live with that are really difficult. But sometimes I see those reels and I'm like, oh, I've moved beyond that. That's not something that. Really affects me anymore because I understand the tools that help me to get out of those spaces. And I'll give you a really good example. Something that I used to do, especially with the business because there's so many things on my to-do list and there's so many things that I wanna be doing at home, I would be frozen. I would not have any idea where to start or where to continue. I would shame myself for not being further along, and yet I wouldn't make any progress towards getting any better because I felt so overwhelmed at all of the tasks that were sitting in front of me. That overwhelm still sometimes comes up, but because I've been observing it for so long, I observe that I see myself wanting to try to do everything at once. I see the overwhelm that has overtaken me. And I say, okay, it doesn't feel comfortable right now in this moment, but I know if I don't make any movement forward, it's gonna feel so much more uncomfortable. So I'm going to do one thing. I'm gonna pick one task to get me into a space where I'm taking action again, and I very rarely get to a place where I don't feel like I can take any action. Now that's with my work tasks. When it comes to focusing on my home tasks, that could be a little bit different. And it could be that I'm choosing not to spend as much time in that area. And that's okay too. When I notice that, I can say, well, what else is happening right now? Oh, I'm spending a lot of time over here. Would I actually wanna sacrifice that to spend more time over here? Okay, well, I can get curious about that and start to answer those questions. All of these things happen in coaching, right? All of these questions that I'm asking myself or I'm asking my clients, like, we're getting really curious and we're understanding things like what's working, what's not working? What evidence are we accepting as progress toward something different? It's so fascinating. It is such a beautiful work that we do. I became a coach because I really wanted to help people believe in themselves and understand that they can succeed and that you can do anything. Anything, you just can't do it all at once What's really cool about the work that I do is that it allows you to believe in yourself so that you can continue on without a coach and you start to see how you can actually make all these things happen. Or you continue to see how having a coach is so valuable to have the support and to be reminded that you are capable of really cool things. And even just being reminded that I see these old patterns creeping in.'cause that's a pattern that comes up too. Okay. Well, I've been doing this because we've been talking about it for a while and it's what I want, but actually I noticed that I started doing this again, and that was really uncomfortable. I shared this the other day. I got so used to getting my dishes done every single night. That I tried to go to bed without doing the dishes, and that was so uncomfortable because I was trying to change the way that I was approaching things. And because I knew how hard I had worked to develop this routine of getting the dishes done at night, it was uncomfortable to go back to these old routines.

Audio Only - All Participants-1: 30:18

What's interesting is that these patterns will continue to show up. The more pressure you put on yourself, the more activities you sign up for. The more you take on, the more you carry on your shoulders, you are going to continue to see some of the things that you're noticing. Show up more and more and more, because the more you take on, the more your body and your brain is trying to keep you safe as much as possible. Oftentimes, when we're trying to keep ourselves safe, we tend to speed up instead of slowing down, A lot of the times when we notice something we tend to want to fix. I know that my brain is super solution oriented, especially in a crisis. And that's genuinely what we wanna do. When we notice a pattern, when we notice something that is keeping us stuck, we wanna fix it. We wanna make it go right away. We wanna make it go overnight. We wanna say, Hey, get out of here. This is not something that is going to support me anymore, and I want this to be gone right now, except that that's also a dysregulated thought. We can't make these patterns or these habits or these things that we've done to keep ourselves safe for so long. Go away overnight. That's the reality of the situation. It can't be done in a weekend. It can't be done in even just a month. It takes time to make change and to start to notice patterns in a new way. So after you're noticing, as you can see, there's a common theme here, right? When you're noticing now what, okay, I notice I can't fix it, then what do you want me to do, Megan? If you don't try to immediately change it, what you get to do is start to analyze how you could change it. But more what's actually causing it? What is causing you to stay stuck? To stay stuck in these patterns, in these ways that you've lived for so long and get curious. So as you're noticing what you can add to this now is starting to get really curious about what's happening around you. Like, why do I feel like I need to fight all my stuff? Why do I continue to avoid this one task on my to-do list? Why do I keep signing my kids up for more activities when it's way too much and I can't possibly handle another thing. Why do I say yes to an event after I keep saying that I need a weekend where I just stay in and do nothing and take care of myself? Why? Why are we doing these things? Get curious and ask yourself those questions. When we don't immediately try to change it, we get to truly analyze some of the things that's happening and why it's happening. So instead of just trying to fix what's on the surface, which is our reactions, we get to go a little bit deeper and understanding what's causing the reaction. And is that something I wanna keep doing? A lot of people tell me I love the way I fly around and get things done, and like sometimes, things aren't finished, but that's okay. I feel like I do get a lot done. Cool. If that's your jam. Awesome. That it's, you don't have to fix anything. There's nothing to fix, but when you notice something, you can still say, well, what causes me to do that? And is there a way I could go about doing it that could elevate my life? I don't know. You get to decide. I think that's what's so cool about noticing is you only have to fix something if you want to. That's it. You don't have to fix what other people think is a mistake. What other people think is an error of the way that you live. And I know that this is a much deeper conversation than you don't have to do what other people think, but also this is where you get to say, what do I want? Is this how I want to continue to react to the world around me? Or do I wanna start making small incremental changes that allow me to see that I am able to react to the world around me differently. I've been working on regulation now for over two years. I've taken multiple classes and just recently I have incorporated it more into my coaching what's really cool about noticing is it actually creates more choice and more flexibility over time. So as you're noticing and as you are deciding what makes sense as far as what you wanna change and what you wanna move forward with, you start to notice that you have way more flexibility in what you can do and how do you do things than you thought before. For example, the event. Say you do sign up for an event and now you're exhausted, but you go to the event because you have committed to it and you know that's a value you live by. Cool. But then you get home from the event and you're exhausted. That's where you get to notice and say, wow, I'm really tired from Overcommitting myself. Oh, that's where you get to say, well, what made me feel like I needed to say yes? Do I normally say yes to literally anything that comes my way. Okay. That's interesting. So now that you're noticing, I encourage you to continue to get curious about. Why you are reacting to life this way. And honestly, there's a lot that we're reacting to, but also I want you to think about it in your clutter. Why do you react to your clutter in the different ways that you do? I'm actually coming out with a quiz here really soon so you can start to see what your trends are, and I'm excited to tell you all about that for now. I hope you have an incredible week and I'll talk to you soon.