A rare, personal episode 🫶🏽

Today we are doing a rare, personal episode about something Rubes has been personally navigating 🫶🏽

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The Eat Like Ruby podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or dietary advice.
The advice given in this episode is general in nature and should not be used to treat any medical conditions, health conditions, illnesses, injuries and/or any nutrition related conditions, deficiencies or similar.
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello fam, welcome back to the Eat Like Ruby podcast. I am here today doing a very different episode to normal. So there's a couple of little things I want to preface before we get into this episode. The first one is this is not gonna be our typical episode. I'm not gonna talk about fat loss, muscle gain, nutrition training, mindset. Actually, I'm probably gonna talk about mindset, but not in the way that we normally do. So this is gonna be a very different episode to normal. I'm gonna do quite a personal episode today. I'm gonna talk about something that I am personally navigating and I'm gonna say struggling with. And I don't even fully know why. I want to do a podcast about it, and there is a possibility that I record this episode and then decide not to release it. So that may happen, but obviously, if you're listening to this right now, I have decided to release it. And like I said, I don't even fully know why I want to record this. I just feel like there's gonna be some value. If nothing else, I feel like there's gonna be value in this for me to just speak this whole episode out loud. But also as we get into it, you'll see what I'm talking about. So it is in relation to my husband and all of the events that he does. So regular listeners are obviously in the loop with Shaq, my husband, and all of his events and all of the endurance stuff that he does. So there's gonna be a bit of context here, like you guys are obviously gonna know what all of that looks like. And I think doing this episode, I think it's gonna be interesting for people. Like, people are gonna be like, wow, didn't expect that from Roops. And so often when Shaq does these events, people, like so many people hit me up, they're like, How is he going? How's he doing? Which is awesome. Like, love it, love the support, love everything. Um, people always ask me why I'm not doing them. Um, yeah, like I just feel like I'm constantly in conversations around these events, and then I have this whole massive, I guess you'd call it like anxiety going on um alongside these. And I just thought it's time to like bring this convo forward. It's something that I'm working on hugely, and I just feel like it's time to kind of bring it up and just navigate it on the pod and we'll see where it goes. So if you're a long-term Eat Lack Ruby girl, whether you're a client, podcast listener, Instagram fan, all of the above, um, you'll know like I don't really do personal episodes that often. Even when I do personal episodes, they're usually just about like my diet, my training, my body image. Like, it's always about that. Um, I don't really do episodes like this too often, but people that have been in the Eat Lack Ruby world for a long time will obviously know like the journey that I've been on with my dad. That's something we're gonna talk about today, and then also the journey that Shaq's been on with his footy career and then moving into these events and stuff. So I feel like this is definitely one for like the OG Ruby fans, not even the Eat Lack Ruby fans, just the Ruby fans. So if that's not you, feel free to leave right now. If you're not a Ruby fan, feel free to leave. Um, if you only come here for the free advice, just know you're probably not gonna get any today. So feel free to leave because of that as well. And if you just happen to stumble across the podcast and this is the first episode you're listening to, you've walked into a very rogue episode. Like, I think we've done about 300 episodes, and I think out of that, probably two of them have been like personal episodes for me. So this is a very rare episode. We don't usually operate like this. Literally two days ago, we dropped an episode about a client losing weight, getting ready for a Half Iron Man. Next week, I'm sure we'll be talking about fat loss and muscle gain again. So if you're new here, just know that this is a very unusual app. And if you're here just for the free juice on fat loss, muscle gain, etc., you're probably not gonna get any of that today. But if you do like to just hear a little bit more about me and my story, strap in because this one is gonna be kind of juicy, I guess we would say. I have absolutely no notes today. This is not a topic that we need notes on. Um, I'm also not going to get the episode heavily edited. So obviously, we edit, we usually just edit because the dog will like do something crazy during the episode because we all know he sleeps in here while I'm recording. Um, sometimes I just need to stop and have a drink or whatever. So we usually just edit for that. But we also edit because, you know, people have a low attention span these days. So we crop out any gaps or anything like that. I'm not gonna have this one heavily edited because I do just want it to be quite authentic. Um, yeah, it's not like clickbaity vibes, it's not juicy vibes like that, it's just storytelling. So we will see how it goes. Um, I did say in there that this thing that I'm gonna talk about today is something that is giving me a lot of anxiety. And I am not a person who gets anxiety. Like I've I've haven't really dealt with that in my life. It's just not something that is present for me really anywhere else besides this thing that we're about to talk about. And I just want to make it really clear in regards to either like anxiety. I am gonna talk a bit about my dad today. So, like grief, anything along those lines, I just want to make it so clear that I'm not doing this episode to give advice. I absolutely am not in a position to give advice on this thing. Um, I'm not trying to give advice, I'm not trying to like educate on anxiety, grief, mental health, nothing like that. Obviously, that is not my expertise, that is not my profession, and as we're gonna hear when I get into this episode, I'm not in a position to be handing out advice on this one. So I do just want to make it clear this is not an advice episode. And I also guess I just want to give like a little bit of a warning if you're someone who is going through something yourself and you don't want to hear about grief or anxiety or anything like that. I do just want to give that warning now so you can leave in advance if you don't think that hearing about those things is gonna be beneficial for you right now. So I feel like now I've just warned off so many people. So we're probably gonna be left with like a handful of the OG Eat Like Ruby gals, which is awesome. We actually have so many long-term Eat Like Ruby girls, which is awesome. So we're gonna get into it. What I'm gonna talk about today, sitting here right now, it is Friday, what is it, Friday, 29th of May. Um, this episode I think is gonna come out on Wednesday, which is about 3rd of June. And Shaq, my husband, is running the Brizzy Half Marathon on Sunday, 7th of June. And we've spoken a little bit about his events for the year um already, but he'll then go into the Sunny Coast Marathon, which is in August. He's going into a 100k run in August as well. So he's got a bit coming up. Um, obviously, if you're a long-term listener, you'll know he's done a lot of those events last year and the year before. So this is just our life at the moment, which I was about to say, which is fine, but as we get into this topic, you'll see sometimes it ain't fine. Because what I'm going to talk about, and it's gonna sound crazy when I first say it out loud, like I'm so aware that most people haven't experienced this in their life, so it is gonna sound a little bit crazy. And then even I'm in a position where I have such a logical mind, like my brain just operates 99.9% of the time in logic. So the logical part of my brain is like, Rubes, this is whack that you're feeling this. But then the 0.1% emotional part of my brain, it's just like it is what it is, like this is just how I feel. So when I say it first off, it is gonna sound a bit crazy, but I'm gonna get into it today, and you guys are gonna see what I mean and what this has been looking like for me at the moment and over the last few years. But what I am talking about is it's probably gonna make me cry when I even just say this sentence out loud, but the extreme anxiety I have while my husband is competing, like when he's actually doing these events, because 90% of the events he does are endurance running events, and long-term listeners will know that my dad literally had cardiac arrest and died in the middle of an endurance run. And honestly, like it's gonna make me laugh and cry at the same time. Like, I think throughout this whole episode, guys, I'm literally gonna be laughing and crying because, like I said, there's a logical part of my brain that just almost finds this funny, honestly, but then there's this emotional part of my brain that literally can't help but cry when I talk about it. But by some bizarre twist of events, my husband, who I love and adore, has randomly decided over the years to literally take up the activity that killed my dad. Right? Like, and I like I said, that's gonna sound crazy. Like, it's such a bizarre thing to come on here and say, it's such a bizarre thing to think about and to have like going through my head all the time. And that logical part of my brain is like, yeah, but Rub's like so many people run, so many people do these things, like your dad was just literally like a one in a hundred thousand or whatever those stats are. Like, I absolutely understand that it's quite an extreme mentality to have, but like I said, I literally just haven't been able to help it. Like, it just kicks in like this insane anxiety when he's actually out there, like as soon as he starts an event, and it's so crazy because when he goes for a run at home, like I don't really think about it that much, and that's actually so crazy because that is how my dad died or when my dad died. So, for a little bit of context for people, like my dad was a runner and just a fitness person his whole life. He's literally the reason I got into fitness, and he would run, he was the most routine person. He would gym Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and he would run Wednesday and Sunday. And so on the 18th of December in 2016, he literally just went for his normal Sunday run, had cardiac arrest, died on the side of the road. Like that was it. And I know that sounds so intense and like blunt, but that it was intense and blunt. Like that is what it is. But coming back to what I was saying, like it's so weird because if Shaq just leaves the house and goes for a run, I don't really think about it. And then as soon as he actually like officially starts an event, it just takes over my thoughts. Like it is just the most insane thought process and like a genuine obsession with tracking him. So if people have like been to any of these events or watched someone do an event like this, nine times out of ten these days they'll have like a tracking app. So, for example, when he's gonna do that half marathon this weekend, they've probably got like a Brizzy marathon tracking app. You can like look him up. And sometimes, depending on how advanced the apps are, sometimes it'll just tell you when they hit certain points. So, say if you're doing like a marathon, it might tell you like every 5k is like Ricky Shackson hit the 5k mark, he hit the 10k mark, he hit the 15k mark, etc. Or some of them that are advanced are literally like a GPS and you can legit watch them move the whole time. So, depending on the event, is like depends on what the app actually shows you. But I just have this obsession with watching that tracker and just like literally cannot wait until he gets back. Like it's crazy. And to the point where, like, I'm such a numbers person, like I said, I'm such a logic person, my brain sits in like this constant calculation mode. Like, that's that's literally how I navigate the anxiety, that's how I get through it, is to just constantly sit there and run the numbers. So, for example, like if he goes off into a run and it's gonna like the tracker tells you every 5K's, when he hits the first five, it'll say like Shaq hit the 5k mark at like the 21 minute mark or whatever it is. And then my brain just instantly starts going, okay, cool. If 5Ks took him 21 minutes, then today he's running 21k, so that's gonna take him X amount of time. And then that means if the next notification I'm gonna get is at the 10k mark, I should get that in like 20 minutes, and then I'll literally set timers on my phone. I'll set a timer on my phone for like 21 minutes or whatever, and I'll just be watching that timer and just waiting for that next notification. And this is how my little brain operates for every one of these events. And for anyone who's putting this together, when he does something like a 12-hour Iron Man, yes, it's a very effing long day. And honestly, like I said, it on one hand, like I want to laugh, but on the other hand, like it is so it's just so like crippling. Honestly, I just feel so helpless and so like it's honestly like debilitating. Like I'm just sitting there, like, oh my god, just hurry up, get back. I'm not really a person who like prays or like talks to God or the universe or anything like that, and like no disrespect to people that do, because in these moments, I'm like, I don't even know who I'm talking to. I feel like part of me kind of like talks to my dad, and I'm like, get him back here, like just get him through it, get him back here. Like, I'm like literally like negotiating with whatever or whoever is out there, and just like please look after him, please get him back here. Like, I just genuinely cannot wait for him to get back. And this has been around like since he started these events, but it has got made so much worse last year. I swear to god, like he had the worst run with things like this last year. Like, he didn't have too bad of a year with events, but I I should say I had the worst run with these effing trackers and just different things that happened. So, to put into context, and this is why, like, this is what it is like for me at these events, and this is why it has built up like this. The first event that he did last year was the Moo Tri, so the Malolabar triathlon, which is like 10 minutes from our house, very small event compared to other things that he does. He did this like two months before the full Iron Man's. So, this was literally just like a run through. Like, the point of him doing this was basically just like a training session and like just get in that comp environment a few weeks out from the Iron Man. Like, it was the most low-key chilled event, or it should have been the most low-key chilled event. And this was probably the worst one, and this just set me up for a very long year. But long story short, he went off on the bike and in the triathlon, they do a 40k ride from where we pretty much where we live on the sunny coast. If people know the coast, it's like around Malula Bar, and then they ride up to Coulomb and back. So 40Ks and should take him like around 90 minutes, give or take, right? So he left on the ride. I saw him leave on the ride, like I saw him get on the bike and ride off, which is like, yep, okay, cool, off he goes. Cue my anxiety, let's go, 90 minutes, right? And the app then tells you, like, Ricky Shackson started the ride. So I'm like, yep, okay, cool. It's 7 a.m. He's gonna get back like a little bit after eight. This is cool. I can get through an hour. And that event shouldn't be too bad for my anxiety because the ride isn't too long. And then when he gets back, they're basically just running around the coast, like around Malula Bar. If anyone knows that area, it's quite a chill area. We're there all the time. They go past a couple of times, so it's not like he's just gone out to the middle of nowhere for hours, right? Like he's he's around most of the time. So I was like, okay, just gotta get through this ride. So the app tells me that he's left pretty much at 7am, which I saw him leave, that was fine. And then the app told me nothing for literally two hours and 45 minutes, and it was the longest time of my life. And I fully understand, like, people go through bigger problems in life. Like, people are probably like, whatever Robes, it was two hours of you know, not knowing where Shaq was. But when this happens, and I'll explain what happened in a second, but when I find myself in these positions, and as you hear throughout the year, this happened multiple times. When I find myself in this position of just being like, he's gone out and I don't know where he is, I feel like these tracking apps are what kind of make it worse for me because when he goes for a run from the house, it's like I have no way of really monitoring it. When I'm watching on these apps, it's almost like, well, it's supposed to tell me things, so if it doesn't, I instantly take that as like worst case scenario. Like if we think about the fact that I'm literally like setting timers and waiting for that next notification from the app, and then I don't get it, and I don't get it, and I don't get it for ages. That is where my brain is literally just going to that worst case scenario, and it's one of those things where people would probably hear that and go, Rubs, like you can't just imagine the worst. And I agree with that, but then on the other hand, part of me goes, I don't have to imagine the worst because I lived the worst. This is not in my imagination, this was my reality. Like, literally, my dad went for a run and then he didn't come back for a long time, and we start being like, he should have been back by now, wonder where he is, like literally calling the police station. Nope, they don't know anything, to the point where, and I'm not gonna get into this too much today. I feel like we've spoken about this a little bit on the podcast over the years, but the way that that ended up playing out was my family calling the hospital, and the hospital saying, Yes, we have a deceased person here who matches that description, but you're gonna have to come down and identify him because we don't know who he is. So coming back to Shaq doing these events, yes, we could sit here and be like, wow, Rube's way to just go to that bad place straight away. But it's like, well, that did happen to me. So there's a fair bit of conditioning there where my mind just goes, holy shit, this again. So coming back to the Moo Try, he's gone on the bike, and then it should give you, you know, probably like 10k notifications, give or take, like Shark's at the 10k mark, is it the 20k mark, etc.? And it just gave me nothing. And then you kind of sit there and you are going into two minds because you're sitting there going, like, oh, maybe he's just a bit slower today, or maybe the tracker has fallen off. Like it can be as simple as, you know, they're not the best quality things. Like maybe that tracker has literally just fallen off his ankle or whatever, and he's out there killing it. So you're kind of just sitting there thinking, like, it could literally notify me any second, so I could be spiraling for nothing. He could just be a little bit slower today, so I could be spiraling for nothing. The tracker could have fallen off, he could be back in five minutes with no tracker on him. Like, you just don't know. But it is the not knowing that it's very freaking hard to deal with. And so on this day, it got to nine o'clock and he wasn't back. And the last thing I had seen is Ricky Shackson started the bike ride two hours ago on a ride that should have taken him, like I said, 90 minutes, give or take. And at the very least, we should have some sort of notification that he's out there riding. And then what happens is you start to go through all of the scenarios, like you're going through the worst-case scenarios, but then you're also going, like, okay, well, let's say the tracker fell off and he's absolutely living his best life, like he's had a great ride. He could actually be back, he could have gone through the transition, he could be running right now. So then I stand there and go, like, do I go and wait near the end of the bike thing? Like, maybe he's just having a really slow ride. Do I go and stand there? Or do I go and go like go over to the running circuit and see if I can see him running? Is he dead? Like, literally, I do not know. And again, that is what is killing me. And then usually by this point, like this has happened at a few events where just something like this is going on, and then people start messaging me because other people are tracking him in the app. And then they're like, Hey Rubes, like, did Shuck do the Moo Try? Did he pull out? Have you seen him? Where's Shaq? People that are down there are like, Hey Rubes, have you seen Shaq on the course? Like, I haven't seen him. Um, people who like, you know, even my family or his family, if they're not there, they might be tracking and they'll just be like, Hey, trackers, like, is the tracker broken? And then you think that as well, like, is the app just playing up? Like, so people start coming at me for the answers, and I'm like, I don't have the answers, I'm trying to find them. And so by this time, like it's a little bit after nine o'clock, and I'm like, okay, I need to just try and work out has he come back from that ride? Is he running and like everything's going fine and there's just some sort of tracking issue? So I go to the transition and they obviously don't let people in there. Like, I ideally I just wanted to be like, I want to see if his bike is in there, because if his bike is in there, it means he's brought it back and he's running. So I'm like, I'm just gonna try my luck and see if they'll let me in. So I went up to the volunteers and I was like, I basically my husband is missing. I just want to know if his bike is in here because that's gonna help me know where he might be. And then they were like, Oh, we can't let you in, but if you go over to this like help tent, the people can see if they can find him or whatever. So I go over there and like side note, I know people are volunteering, like, that's good, good on you, volunteering your time. But if you're an arsehole in a bad mood, don't be a freaking volunteer. Because they were so rude until they realized that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Like, I woke up and I just went to say, like, hey, I'm just trying to find one of the athletes. And the cranky bitch there basically just holds her hand up to me and like keeps typing on her laptop for literally about three minutes. And then in the end, she's like, Yes. And I'm like, by this point, I'm like bawling. And I'm like, the app is telling me my husband started writing two and a half hours ago. He should have been back a long time ago. I have no idea where he is. Like, I'm just beside myself at this point. And then they're trying to look on their laptop, and then she's like, Oh, yep, he's got a DNF, which is a did not finish. And I'm like, Okay, do we know why? And she's like, No. And I'm like, Okay, great. Like, did not finish because he's dead, did not finish because he didn't feel like it. Where has he gone? Now that he's decided to not finish, like what the hell's going on? And so she's trying to work it out, and I'm just trying to like get my shit together, and then out of nowhere, I just hear this like babe, and I turn around and it's Shaq. And I'm like, oh my god, like genuinely thought you were dead, have been to hell and back in my spiral. Like, what the hell's going on? Long story short, he pretty much got caught in the back of someone else crashing right near the start of the ride. So he was behind someone, they crashed, he kind of like skidded out to avoid running into them, kind of like messed up his bike a little bit, just got a little bit shook, and pretty much just decided right there, like, I'm not gonna keep going because this is not a main event. I'm just doing this basically as a training run, not gonna risk the bike, not gonna risk myself, etc. So he pulled out on the side of the road into the bike ride. But because he wasn't really injured or they didn't need to bring him back immediately, he just had to hang out there until eventually, like one of the volunteer youths could bring him back. But obviously they're like prioritizing the person who's just crashed and stuff. So that's all fine, but it's just like resulted in this scenario where he's essentially missing for two and a half hours, and my biggest fear is him going off on these events and something crazy happening and him essentially going missing. So it is just the longest, most stressful situation of my life. So that was the mood try, and then calm down from that, that was fine. Then he did Port Mac, which was the full Iron Man, and the bike ride in these big events is I was gonna say probably the where I feel this the worst. The big marathons are pretty bad as well. But the bike ride for the Iron Man, like he's literally gone for hours on end. And for Port Mac, they came back through once. Like I saw him once, probably around the four-hour mark, give or take. But it is just such a long time. And with Port Mac, it they had like a GPS tracker, so I could watch him the whole time, like it was literally moving on the map the whole time. Anytime it stopped moving, I stopped breathing. Like literally, anytime he stopped moving, I was just like, oh my god, he stopped. And I just stare at it until it moves again, like it's crazy. And it's like he's out there for six hours, he's gonna get a flat or he's gonna stop and pee, or whatever it is. Like he's going to stop, you know, even for one minute a couple of times. But honestly, it's the longest thing of my life just watching that tracker, and anytime it stops, it's just feels like three hours, even though it's one minute. So that was just a long day. And then obviously, when they get back from that ride, they have a 42 kilometer run. And by that point, if anyone was at Port Mac 2025, like it was getting dark, it was getting cold, it was windy, like it was just almost like a scary night. And Shaq's just running off into the night. And it wasn't too bad there because they do four laps of a 10k loop. So I was able to see him a bit, but again, I'm just honestly in that position of like, okay, his run past now, his run off. If he comes back through here, that's gonna be, you know, his running at a 530 pace. So he's probably gonna come back here in 37 minutes and 40 seconds. So I'm gonna set the timer for 37 minutes and 40 seconds, and then I'm gonna watch that timer. And I basically go back and forth on my phone screen from watching the timer to watching the tracker, like watching him move. And I swear, like, I get a distraction from like running the numbers. So anytime he hits with that tracker at Port Mac, it had the live GPS thing moving, but it also had the points as well. So it would tell you like he's hit the 5k mark, 8k mark, etc. It actually had a lot of points. And so every time he hit a new point, it tells you like what time he hit it at and what his pace was and everything. And then it's like my distraction between that and him hitting the next one is like me running the numbers. Okay, cool. If he's running at that pace and he's doing this, then he'll hit this one at this time and this one at this time. And it's like, I literally use that to distract me until I get the next one and then I do it again. So it's kind of like crazy bitch vibes at this point, guys. Like, and like I said, in the meantime, people are always messaging me, like, how's he going? And I'm like, How's he going? How am I going? Not good, FYI. Like, read the room. And again, like I I laugh about it now, but when I'm in those moments, like it is so stressful, like it is just honestly so anxious for me. And then that was Port Mac, like got through that one. Obviously, that was a very long day. Then when he did the Sunshine Coast Marathon, this is probably actually I wouldn't say this is the worst, but this is probably the time where I realized, like, Rubes, this is not good. Like the way you are feeling about this is not good. And I mean, I'd obviously realised it from those other events, but with the Moo Try especially, I'd kind of justified it because I was like, I have such a good reason to be worried after essentially three hours of him missing. So I knew that I wasn't coping with it that well, but I was also kind of justifying it with the Sunny Coast Mara, he had the best day, and I had probably the worst. So again, Sunny Coast Mara is like 10 minutes from our house. It's at the same place, basically, as the Moo Trai. Um, we were down there, life was good, he was fit, he was loving life. When he came past, so then they come past at one point, and it's pretty early on. It was at about like the half an hour mark. He came past, literally gave me like a flex, like ran past and just put both of his arms up, flexed his biceps, big grin, and ran off. So I'm like, man, is living his best life. Meanwhile, him running off at that point. I'm like, okay, this is where my three-hour panic attack starts. So you keep running off smiling, and I'm just gonna sit here and try and breathe through it. So that was all sweet, and that was around the, I feel like that must have been around like the 10k mark, give or take, because I got the notification of him at the 10k mark, and then it should have been say like 20 to 25 minutes until I got the 15-minute notification, and I never got it. And I then again you just start running these scenarios in your head, like, okay, maybe he's just slowed down a little bit, maybe he's having an off day, like whatever, don't just go to the worst place roots, and so just sitting with it, and then his coach is always messaging me because his coach is traveling, so he's not there at the event. So he was messaging me like, How's the big fella going? And I was just like, Yeah, I saw him at the 10k, like he looked all good. And then Loki's usually watching the trackers as well. And then after a while, like probably 45 minutes after he'd hit the 10k mark, he still hadn't hit the 15k mark. So then Loki and I were just messaging about other stuff, and then I said to Loki, like, he's super behind. And then Lockie was like, No, like, I know he dropped a bunch of numbers on me and he was like, he's perfectly on pace. And then then I'm like, hang on, am I getting it wrong? And then you start running all the numbers again, and then I'm like, no, Loki, I've run these numbers a million times. All I've been doing for the last 45 minutes is running these numbers, FYI. And I'm like, straight up, that right there, 45 minutes ago, he was at the 10k mark and he still hasn't hit the 15k mark. So are you telling me that it takes him more than 45 minutes to run 5Ks? Knowing him and knowing his paces, no way. That's like more than double what it would take him. So it just didn't make any sense. And then Loki's like, oh yeah, yeah, right, something must be going on. And I'm like, no shit, Sherlock. Welcome to the conversation, welcome to the panic party. So then again, like this panic just sinks in. And then I think at this point I called my mum, and I called my mum, I called my mum to have a panic attack, basically to her, and then she started telling me this other story straight away. And part of me was like, Mom, again, shut up, read the room. But then also I was like, keep telling me the story because I need this distraction. And then this went for ages, and still to this day, I don't know exactly what happened. I don't know if the app just had like a little freak out, and that's another thing that I do. Like, anytime his stuff is not showing in the app, I start looking up other people that I know that are doing the event, and I'm like trying to work out is this an issue for everyone or is this just a shack issue? And so, anyway, like I don't know what happened at this event, but then out of nowhere, by this point, I've been probably really panicking for like an hour and 20 minutes. Out of nowhere, I just get this notification Ricky Shackson hit the 30k mark. And I'm like, what about the 15 and the 20 and the 25? Like, what? And then it was like literally sweet from there. Like, well, then I'm watching for a while, thinking, like, okay, is this just random? Like, is this a glitch now? Has he actually stopped? And now it's randomly glitching him at the 30k mark, and then I got the 35, the 40, and I'm like, no, okay, he's sweet. And then he ran through, he ran a 3:30 Mara, he was loving life. Literally, probably one of his best events. Like I said, he had a great day. I had a terrible day. And then that is just where, like I said, after that event, I was just like, wow, that hour or whatever it was that I didn't know where you were was just so intense, so shitty for me. Like, I just did not handle that well. And as a bit of a side note, I won't get into this too much, but since my dad passed away, I have done so much work on my mindset and my mental health. Like, I've put a lot of money, a lot of time, a lot of energy into just really navigating my emotions better. Honestly, in the few years after my dad died, I mean, rightly so, like I was 25, it was very unexpected. It makes sense that I had a few shitty months and years, but I remember as time went on just getting to a point where I was like, I don't want to navigate my emotions so poorly moving forward. Obviously, I'm gonna experience things like grief and whatever. Like, I'm not saying I have to be a robot to it, but I just felt like there was a line between like navigating it reasonably and then just feeling like I like just literally did not have control over my emotions and my mindset and everything. And I just got to a point where I was like, yeah, I just want to work on that, like I just want to be able to deal with that better. And I genuinely feel like I've done that in every area of my life except this. Like, if anything goes wrong, touch wood. But like if things go wrong, you know, with work or business or whatever, have such a good ability to just come back to a logical mind and just be like, don't spiral, like, don't let this get to you. Just work out what you actually have to do. How do we navigate this? Like, I'm very good at sitting in that discomfort and just talking myself through it and navigating it. And then going through these few events last year, I was just like, wow, Rubs, like you have that skill set everywhere except here. You do not have control of this when it kicks in. And so this particular event, like that Sunny Coast Mara, just revealed that hugely to me. And then literally, literally two weeks later, he did a last man standing. Like, way to set off my anxiety about you potentially going for a run and not coming back by joining an event called Last Man Standing. Like, it's literally making me tear up again right now because I'm like, bro, read the room. Like I said, like the fact that we have just ended up in this position where he has taken up the thing. Like, he used to be a footy player, used to play in the front row. Someone, I was talking to someone about Shaq the other day, and they were like, genuinely, Shaq could not have run 5Ks back in the day. Like playing footy, his role at footy was to be big, strong, solid, put big hits on people and stand there. Like, and so I was talking to someone who played with him back in the day, the other day, and they were like, it's crazy to see Shaq now because he genuinely could not have run 5Ks back in the day. So that's who he was. That's who he was when my dad passed away. And then by some bizarre twist of events, he's ended up doing this event and this sport that comes with a lot of emotional stress for me. Like, I always think, you know, if my dad had passed away in a skydiving accident, if Shaq turned around and said, Rubes, I'm gonna become a skydiving instructor, I'd be like, No, you're not. You're actually just not. So the fact that we've somehow found ourselves in this position and like can't stress enough, like Shaq is the most loving, amazing husband. Like, I just have to shout him out because he is not doing anything wrong in this situation at all. And I genuinely believe, like, if I voiced all this to him in a way and said to him, like, he obviously knows that it it stresses me out, but if I genuinely said to him, mate, this is too stressful, I actually want you to stop. I genuinely think he would stop. He is that supportive and puts me ahead of himself that much. So I can't stress enough. I just don't want people to think, wow, Shaq is really putting Rubes through the ringer here. No, he's not. I'm putting myself through the ringer, and that's what I'm trying to navigate. But like I said, he wrapped up the year with the friggin' last man standing, which if people don't know, um, they're also referred to as like a backyard ultra. And basically what you do is you run 6.7 Ks every hour on the hour until you either drop out or you don't make it in time. So, say if it starts, I'm pretty sure here started last time at midday. So at 12 o'clock, you run 6.7 K's and it's like everyone does, like whoever's doing it, big group of people, off we go. 6.7 K's. You can go as fast or as slow as you want, but you've got to get back before that next hour starts because you go again. Like at one o'clock, you run in 6.7 Ks again. So you could run as fast as you want and then get more rest. Like if you ran it in half an hour, then you obviously get a half hour rest before you go again. Or you can run it as slow as you want so long as you're back before that next one starts. And then the obviously the idea with that would be you're not getting as much rest, but you're not running as hard. So it's a sort of a skill set. Obviously, it's like a massive fitness thing, but you also have to kind of have the strategy of like, am I gonna go hard and have bigger rests, or am I gonna go slower and have shorter rests? So that's the point of it. And then, like I said, they literally just keep going and going until there's one person left and they're the last man standing. So people either drop out, like if you just hit a point where you're like, I'm done, I can't run anymore, and you drop out, or if you don't get back in time for the next one, then you're out. And so this started at midday, and Shaq ended up doing I feel like he did 70, just over 70 kilometers. I can't remember if it was 77 or 70, but that was the thing. Like he was in the high 60s, like high 60 Ks. It was around 10 o'clock at night. He was definitely in the hurt locker. And not many people know this. Shaq never talks about this. Shaq talks about all of his events and all of his achievements, and he never talks about the fact that his wife, who is not a runner and had been there all day prepping his food and doing everything, ran the last 6.7 K's with him to get him over the 70k line. So he really wanted to get 70. When he did his second last one, he was at about, I think it was about 67 Ks. Yeah, that must be it. Like they'd come back from the 10th one. So he was at 67 K's and he was like, I really want to get to 70, but he wasn't doing too well. And I was like, stuff it, mate, you know, for better or worse, I made that promise. Let's go. We're going 6.7 K's. And so that was 11 o'clock at night. It was 11 o'clock at night in winter. This was in August, and I ran with him 6.7 K so he could tick off his 70. But the run before that, him going off into that 10th run, it must have been like in the low 60k. So at 10 o'clock at night, he was definitely like slower. Like, I could definitely tell he was close to finishing. And some of them were flying, like, just to put into context, the winner went to 130Ks. And like, I don't know if people have seen these online and like the the big ones in the world go for like six days. I think the record at the moment is like 650 K's. I'm not joking, like, I'm not kidding. Some of them literally go when they do big ones, they do them, like I said, they'll refer to them as a backyard ultra. So people who have a big property out in the bush will host them and people go out there and camp. Like you set up a massive camp, you take a crew out there, you take a tent, you take food, like you are set up for days. And like I said, some people literally will get up in the 500, 600k mark. So the event that he did last year, and he's doing it again in three months. Can't wait. Um, but I'm gonna work on everything. We're gonna be in a good place by the time it gets here. But when he did it last year, it was the first time these people had ever hosted it. So it was pretty small. I think they had about 50 people, and a lot of people dropped out at around that like 40 to 50k mark, and then there was a few people, there was maybe like 10 to 15 people left when Shaq was still doing it, and then a couple of the real endurance runners, like I said, they went through till like nine o'clock, I think the next morning, six o'clock or nine o'clock, something like that. But they hit around the 130k mark. But anyway, coming back to Shaq, when he went out around 10 pm into that second last one, I could definitely tell he wasn't living his best life, and it just took him so much longer than all of the others. And again, this is just me standing on the road, like I can just see it so clearly in my mind because they just did it from their gym, which is in like the Noosa, like up in the Noosa ville streets. So I was just in the gym, like getting all of his food and stuff sorted, and then when people would start coming back in, I'd go out there like to see Shaq coming back in because you could watch them come down the road, and I was just like standing out there just staring down at the road, and like a few people were coming back in. Shaq's super easy to spot, like this is the good thing about him, he's so tall, so you can pretty quickly see him anyway when you're looking for him. I'm just watching these people come around the corner, and it's probably like a 500-meter road that I could look down, and I was just watching in the distance. People come around the corner, I'm like, that's not him, that's not him, that's not him. Oh my god, where is he? This is this is actually like really hitting close to home. He's literally just gone off and died on the side of the road. Well, okay, I'm spiraling. So then I had to start walking up there at like frigging 10 45 at night in the middle of nowhere. Just literally like, hopefully, I stumble across my husband at some point and hopefully he's alive when I do, and then eventually he comes around the corner and he's definitely not too quick at this point. But he was like, Ropes, definitely like I want to get the 70, I want to get the 70. And he had about two-minute turnaround in this one. So, in all the others, he'd had like 15 minutes, but in this one, he had taken way longer, like I said, just to stress me out that little bit more. And we basically just had to go again straight away. If he wanted to go, he did not have rest time. And then that's when I was just like, Okay, you're not gonna get through this on your own. I'm not gonna get through this. I'm not gonna get through standing here, hoping to God that you come back from this one. I have no choice but to come with you and make sure you come back. And so, like, literally 10 past 11, middle of winter, running through Noosa, Shaq's basically just shuffling at this point. And I'm just shuffling next to him, literally crapping on, legit just crapping on about anything, just trying to like get his get his mind off it, get him to the 70k mark. And then that was it. Like, he finished that one, that was all good. We went home, but I just again just found myself in that position, especially for those last few. I'd say the last three, and especially that last one, just literally staring down the road, just like, when are you coming back? Are you coming back? And again, it just like reiterated to me, like, wow, Rubes, you're not dealing with this very well at all. And so that was literally the last big event he did. Obviously, he did high rocks. I'm trying to think what he's done this year. Everything he's done this year has been like gym comp. So that doesn't stress me out at all because I can see him. So he did turf games, he did high rocks, he did RCG. So, all of those, I'm just like literally standing right there watching him, and it just doesn't stress me out at all. Like it just doesn't have the same impact. So this weekend he's gonna run that Brizzy half. A half is like the best case scenario, at least, because it's half the time half a fool. Um, so he's actually aiming for one hour 30, like a sub 130, which is huge for him. And I'm like it's so funny because sitting here right now, like my mind, I'm so keen for him to hit that goal. Like, he has worked so hard. He actually hasn't run a half marathon since 2024, noosa half in 2024, so over two years. And he did that from memory. I think he did a 143. So he's obviously going for a massive PB, but he has come so far in those two years. So I'm like genuinely so excited for him. Like, it's the first time in a long time that I'm just like, wow, my husband has this like really solid goal, and he's so keen, and I'm so keen to see him do it. And then obviously the sports nutrition side of me is like, okay, last weekend I sat down with Shaq and I was like, we just need to have like a really solid two weeks, no new foods, maintenance cows for you, we're gonna go into the card blood. I was like, I'm just got your nutrition so dialed in to make sure that it's as good as it can be to help you hit that goal. And then whenever he has events or he has big things like this going on, I'm always really mindful as well to just make the rest of our life less stressful. So I just try and take care of things with like the house and the dog, and like, even though it sounds like little shit, I just like to think, how can I just clear up his mind as much as possible, give him as much downtime as possible, make things as low-key as possible. And again, need to shout out Shaq. Like, he does this for me. When we've got big things going on in eight like Ruby, I say to him, like, bro, all that shit's on you this week. I'm just going hard on work. And we have such a good balance of that. Like when one of us has something big going on, the other one really steps in. So whenever I see these events coming, I'm like, yep, okay, just lifestyle wise, I'm gonna do what I can for him, nutrition wise, I'm gonna do what I can for him. On the day, like, I love to go down with him the day before and like check out the course, get the bib, like all of that stuff. I just want him. To feel like so relaxed and so positive going into that goal. And so I feel like I'm able to do all of these things. And it's literally as soon as the gun goes off, it's literally like the flick of a switch on my anxiety. Like I don't have anxiety sitting here right now about him running that next weekend. It is literally the second he starts. And I swear, like, even during this episode, like I said, I don't even know what the point of this episode was, but I'm feeling like if nothing else, it's made me realize that it's these apps, it's these tracking apps that are really giving me the anxiety. Like I said, if he just runs off right now, I don't even think about it. I'm like, good, bro, get out of here. Like, but then when it's these apps saying to me, like, Ricky Shackson has started the half marathon, I am then just gonna watch that like a friggin' hawk until it tells me Ricky Shackson has finished the half marathon. So that is gonna be this Sunday, 7th of June. And like I said, it's been a long time. That last man standing was the last big running event he did, which was August last year. So I have tried to work on this a lot, but it is one of these things where, like I said, because it doesn't really kick in until the race starts, I don't even really know how well I've worked on it, how well I've done. Because sitting here right now, I'm like, no, I feel pretty chill. But before all those other events, I felt really chill. And then the second it starts, it's like she's not so chill no more. So it's gonna be interesting to see how I feel this weekend. And then he'll go into the sunny coast Mara the first weekend of August and then last man's standing again in the middle of August. And I don't feel like he'll mind me saying this. I might edit it out if he does, but his goal for that last man's standing is a hundred Ks. So that is gonna be a long night, but got a while. I can keep working on it. We'll see how she goes. I think that is all for me today. If you sat through that whole episode, thank you. And I will be back next week, definitely with some more educational nutrition training, fat loss, muscle gain, all of those topics. I've got a few topics actually that I want to talk about. I think I'm gonna do an update on my gaining phase as well. Little side note, it's going very well. So good update to come. I might even do that in the very next episode, or I'll definitely do one soon. But like I said, if you sat through that whole episode, thank you so much. I actually feel like we do have such a cool, loyal, supportive group of Eat Lac Ruby fans. And like I said before, even just like Ruby fans, like we are 99% just about like education, nutrition, training, all those things. But occasionally, if I talk about personal stuff with like Shaq or my dad or whatever, I do get a lot of support from you guys. So I truly do appreciate that. Thank you so much, as always. I will be back next week.