The Working Mums Podcast

Ep #44 - How to have the perfect Christmas.

• Nicky Bevan

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Is the quest for a picture-perfect Christmas leaving you more stressed than joyful? Unwrap the secret to a truly enjoyable holiday season by embracing imperfections and letting go of unattainable ideals. This week, I'm exploring how the relentless pursuit of perfection in Christmas celebrations often leads to disappointment and stress. Instead, discover the liberating "B minus" approach, which encourages you to focus on genuine connections and your well-being over flawlessly wrapped gifts or immaculate decorations.

In my latest episode, I challenge the all-or-nothing mindset that dominates the holiday season, and instead promote finding balance. By listening to your inner wisdom and prioritizing presence over presentation, you can craft a more meaningful Christmas experience. 

Join me for a conversation that promises to transform your perspective on holiday perfection, leaving you with practical insights to create a relaxed and joyful atmosphere with your loved ones. Let's make this holiday season about what truly matters: being present and enjoying each moment.

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingMumsLifeCoach

If you'd like to have a chat about how I can help you further, please don't hesitate to click here & book a time with me, I'd love to meet you.

You can also follow me on IG @NickyBevan_LifeCoach

Speaker 1:

Hello, hello, hello and very, very warm welcome to this week's podcast episode where I am going to teach you how to create the most perfect Christmas. Here's how you stop trying. Oh, I know Shocker. So here's the thing Perfect doesn't exist, it just doesn't exist. Perfect says who Like what actually is perfect, and your definition of perfect and my definition of perfect and your in-laws definitions and your kids definitions and your parents definitions and society's definitions and the neighbor's definitions and your friends definitions will all be different. So perfect doesn't exist. There is no perfect Christmas.

Speaker 1:

But when you're trying so desperately to make Christmas perfect in the sense that the presents have to be wrapped beautifully because that's what people like, or the the table has to look perfect, and you go to all these lengths to make these beautiful gifts and setting the table because that's what people really want and are going to love, and making sure the gifts are perfect and they're wrapped and everybody else is happy and everyone's going to enjoy, it ends up in you being exhausted, miserable, uptight, tense, not present when you're with your family members because you're so busy trying to make everything perfect, trying to make sure everybody's happy. So then what actually happens is they end up having for their Christmas a tense, uptight, snappy version of you. That is not the best gift to give your close family loved ones. The most amazing gift you can give them and you is your most relaxed self Is giving yourself the permission to not have to have things perfect and look if you identify as a perfectionist. This is going to be challenging, and I'm quite fortunate that I don't identify as a perfectionist. Until it comes to stacking the dishwasher and then how my house looks and things have a place. I believe Things should have a place.

Speaker 1:

So my perfectionism starts to show up in the sense that I don't want any clutter, I want the decorations to look perfect, I want the tree to be even and beautiful, and the reality is none of that happens. So then I have a choice, and actually what I choose to do is take a very deep breath and I choose to let all of that go. And when I do that, I'm able to spend really good quality time with my kids because I'm not nagging them and pestering them and whining at them. The same with my husband I don't nag him and whine at him and oh my gosh, I could, because there are things that I could nag and whine at him, for I don't want to be that person. He doesn't want that sort of wife. My kids don't want that sort of mum.

Speaker 1:

And this isn't then to say you don't want to do nice things for people. But if you let's take the kit, the, the um dinner table, the christmas table, if your perfectionism shows up in the sense that everybody has to have this beautiful gift and it has to look beautiful and the table has to be very well presented and the food has to be perfect, and you're just going to be putting yourself under a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure, and then, when people don't appreciate the effort that you've gone into, then you get pissy and resentful and that's not nice for anybody. You feel obligated. That's rubbish. But listen, if you like doing all of that, then do it for you. Don't do it to try and please other people, because their idea of perfect will be different to yours. Their idea of what's nice is different to yours.

Speaker 1:

This is why perfect isn't a fact, because says who? Who actually says what perfect is? Nobody, nobody. And what actually happens then is when you release that need to be perfect, you relax your central nervous system, relaxes your life is no longer under threat relaxes. Your life is no longer under threat and what you will find because of that is that you actually have much more enjoyable time.

Speaker 1:

Will things go wrong? Yes. Will things go wrong when you're trying to make it perfect? Yes. So if things are going wrong anyway or things aren't going to be exact anyway, then why go into it with all this tension and obligation and resentfulness? You don't have to. It's totally optional and we can have compassion for that part of your brain, that part of my brain that thinks that the perfect Christmas is everybody getting what they want wrapping everything beautifully, table being laid perfectly, food being cooked on time, everybody else being happy is unachievable. That version of perfect is just setting myself up to fail, because I don't have any control whatsoever, unfortunately, about how people feel and how they think, because what they think in their heads is creating their emotions, good and bad, and I am not powerful enough, you are not powerful enough to manipulate someone's mind.

Speaker 1:

We can influence, of course, from love, but it's so much more beneficial for everybody, it's so much nicer for everybody when it's done from a relaxed love rather than a frustrated annoyance Because it has to be perfect. I have to do it perfect. No, you don't and you can't. I'm so sorry to tell you. I wish there was some other way to tell you how to do the perfect Christmas, but there is not, because it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist.

Speaker 1:

So my coach, brooke Castillo, teaches a concept called B minus, and that doesn't help me, because I was an academic, I didn't even get a B minus at school. But the concept is when you're striving for an A plus and you're exhausted and resentful and miserable and tense because of it, just go for a B minus, because people are going to love your B minus. They're going to love the version of you that's relaxed and more enjoyable and present. And I know you may have heard this many times already and you've probably seen it on your Instagram feed, but your presence with your children is so much more important to you than the presence that you give them. How you're focused on them instead of your to-do list, how you're in that moment, right there with them, fully, fully focused, and listening to everything they're saying is so much more valuable than any present.

Speaker 1:

You can wrap up any Christmas table that you can wrap up and decorate table that you can wrap up and decorate but it has to start with acknowledgement. It has to start with a little bit of courage in being vulnerable and putting your big girl pants on and going. Do you know what? I realize that the only reason I'm trying to make it perfect is so that I don't fail. But this is not a win or fail scenario. This is a beautiful opportunity to win because everyone's going to have a nice time, because you've laid off the stress or you're going to learn something about yourself that's going to enable you to grow.

Speaker 1:

So Christmas being perfect is not a life-threatening moment. It's actually a life-enhancing moment. So having a lot of compassion for that part of your brain that's freaking out because it has to be perfect. So acknowledge that for a second, acknowledge that, take that lovely deep breath again and choose how do you want to experience your Christmas? If perfect is unachievable, how do you want to experience it?

Speaker 1:

Now, what a lot of people might go to that is oh yeah, but if I'm not, if I'm not stressed or trying to make it perfect, then it's all just going to go to pot and it'd be a shit show and everything to be burnt. That isn't true either, because when you relax and you take that deep breath and you realize this is not life threatening. You can then engage your higher wisdom and go right. Ok, let's make a little bit of a time plan for the day, and it might sound like right turkey needs to go in at this time, roast potatoes need to go in at this time, carrots need to be put on, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 1:

Being trying to not be perfect doesn't mean that you just give up on everything. That's the all or nothing thinking which all the humans do. Right, it's like I have to be absolutely perfect or it's going to be a shit show. There's this beautiful middle ground, beautiful middle ground where you get to engage your higher wisdom, which always gives you your best advice, and only you know what that is. You can follow that wisdom and you can relax into your Christmas, and that is how you will actually get the perfect Christmas. So I hope this has helped you. I really do hope this has helped you, and if you want to have a chat about it, give me a call. I would love to talk it through. Have the most amazing week and I'll speak to you all again next week. Bye.