The Working Mums Podcast

Ep #55 - Exploring Who You Are

• Nicky Bevan

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"I don't know who I am anymore."  I've been hearing this a lot lately. What happens when the roles we play and the labels we wear disguise our true selves? We end up wearing a mask and being who others think we 'should' be and it's exhausting. This week, I'm on a mission to help you find out who you are. Discover what it means to reclaim your identity beyond societal expectations and external definitions. 

We'll explore practical exercises that guide you in recognizing and shedding the conditioning that you've been clinging to, while emphasizing the importance of choosing core values that truly resonate with who you are and who you want to be. 

I'll share my personal journey, revealing how love, honesty, and boldness serve as my guiding principles, and encourage you to reflect on your childhood passions and the figures you’ve admired to reconnect with the essence of who you are.

Join me as we embrace curiosity and the thrill of discovering new passions that ignite joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s taking up a new hobby like dancing or gardening, or simply stepping into spaces that challenge your comfort zone, together we'll explore the importance of new experiences in reigniting a sense of wonder and excitement in life. This path to self-discovery is personal, and while it's a journey only you can decide to undertake, I'm here to offer support and guidance every step of the way. Here's to an enriching week ahead, and to finding the courage to redefine who you want to become.

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingMumsLifeCoach

If you'd like to have a chat about how I can help you further, please don't hesitate to click here & book a time with me, I'd love to meet you.

You can also follow me on IG @NickyBevan_LifeCoach

Speaker 1:

this week on the podcast. I would like to talk about who you are. So I think this is the most amazing question who am I? And the reason why I wanted to record this podcast is because I've had a number of conversations recently with women who just seem to have lost themselves in who they are. So they got caught up in getting to where they wanted to be in business or in their career. They've become a mom. Their children are now starting to become a bit more independent and all of a sudden she's like well, I don't really know who I am anymore. Who am I?

Speaker 1:

And so I wanted to come on and talk about it, because it's quite incredible how, as we grow up, we start to take on the identity of external labels. So we start to say, oh, I'm a, I'm a this job title, I, I live in this area, I'm a mum, or I'm a wife or I'm I don't know. We take on, I earn this much money, I live in this type of house, I drive this type of car, and so we start to take on an identity based on external factors. And then what happens is we start to should ourselves. So, as a mom, I should. As a job title I should as a this, I should and we start to change or lose who we are because of the shoulding that society have offered us, this set of beliefs on how someone should be in that category, and so we start to lose the essence of who we are. And now, for some of you, that might actually be fine. You might like who you are, in which case brilliant. But if you're starting to feel a bit like you don't really know yourself, there's something not quite right. You don't quite know what you like anymore, what you should be doing, then I've got a couple of exercises that I would love to suggest.

Speaker 1:

So, first of all, I think the most incredible news is you actually get to choose. Who you are is based on thoughts that you have about yourself, and you can choose your thoughts. You can't choose what society has given you and the belief systems that your religions or your caregivers or your upbringing gave you, but from this point on, you actually get to decide. So the first thing is to kind of become aware of that conditioning, become aware of how you're shooting yourself, what you think you should be like, what you think you should be doing, and that's really where a coach has the most power because they are able to see your thoughts at a time when you think it's just facts. So that's, if you're able to access and work with a coach, brilliant, because this will help that journey so much easier.

Speaker 1:

So, first of all, becoming aware of your shooting and then deciding right, who do I want to be? The first way that I love to do this is by imagining that I'm sat in a room. There's nothing to the side of me, there's nothing above me, there's nothing below me. We take away all of your achievements, all of your disappointments. We take away your job title, the area that you live in, the amount of money that you do or don't have, the car that you drive, the relationship statuses, car that you drive, the relationship statuses. We take all of that away. And, at your core, who are you? So this is what I like to call your core values.

Speaker 1:

I have spoke about these on the podcast before, but you get to choose your core values. So for me, I've got three. Mine shifted slightly recently, but I've got three core values. My top value, above everything else, is love. I am loving. I choose to love and have love as my core value, as my core being above any other way. Whether you wanna call it an emotion or not, it's my most loved emotion and love never hurts and love sometimes sounds like no. My other one is honest. I, I'm honest and not everybody appreciates that value and there are times when I've gone against that value. So, having little people around certain times of year, I was uncomfortable because I wasn't being truly honest. And another value of mine I've realized recently is I am bold. And another value of mine I've realized recently is I am bold as in. Courageous, not as in. I don't have any hair, but I'm bold and I I love those three values. And when I know that about me, it doesn't really matter. Then, the house I live in or the holidays that I go on, that's all nice to, but it's not need to have because I've got myself at my core. And when someone has an opinion about me that maybe isn't a friendly opinion, I can let them be wrong because I'm solid in who I am and not everyone's going to like me. That's not the task, that's not our goal. The goal is to like yourself. So there are a couple of ways to do this.

Speaker 1:

Go back to when you were a child. Get a picture of yourself. I used to have a picture of me up. Actually, I'm looking around for it, but I think I must have taken it down. Look at her and look at remember what she was like. Was she inquisitive, was she energetic? Was she quiet? Did she like reading? Did she love playing in mud? I used to love having. I had this set of small pots and pans and I just used to make mud pies for hours. It felt like. Was she playful? Did she like dancing? Did she like drawing? Go back to your childhood, go back to your teenage life, go back to young adult. What were some of the things you really love to do? And then ask yourself, maybe I'd like to try that again. And then ask yourself maybe I'd like to try that again.

Speaker 1:

Another way, another thing to do, is look at people that you admire, celebrities, maybe people in your current universe that you know, and look at them. It's because it's already in you, it's already there. Only, what tends to happen is we protect ourselves. So we have these like this core kind of essence of who we once were, and then, to protect ourselves, we put a layer of shit on top. To protect ourselves, we put a layer of shit on top, basically as protection. But when you start to chip away at that layer, there you are. So I heard it.

Speaker 1:

I did a positive intelligence course once for coaches and in it they said about the golden Buddha, and in I guess it was Thailand forgive me, I can't remember the exact details, but it's during one of the wars they had this really old golden Buddha. So because people were coming through and raiding and stealing all the jewels, they covered this golden Buddha in cement. So it looked shit and it stayed like that for years and years and years until an archaeologist thought, well, hang on a minute, that doesn't make any sense. And they chipped away at the cement and the stone and underneath was this beautiful golden buddha. And it's the same with us, we, you who are, is in you. You've just put layers of protection on top to protect ourselves from the modern world and people's judgments.

Speaker 1:

So you can start to just chip away at that by looking at what was I like as a child, what were the qualities I liked of me as a teenager, or didn't like as a teenager? Or looking at people that you admire and go. Well, what is it about them? Is it their integrity? Is it their wit, is it their? You know there's. I mean, oh my gosh, when I take, when I go through this with my clients, there's so many things that people come up with that is already in them that they just hadn't actually considered that's what they choose, want to choose to be.

Speaker 1:

And then, once you've got an idea of who you want to be, make your I am statement. So I am loving, I am honest, I am bold, and whatever you put after I am is what you're going to create as an identity and a personality. Am bold and whatever you put after I am is what you're going to create as an identity and a personality. So that's a way of finding out and discovering who you are and who you want to be. And then, when it comes to doing things, just go out and try it.

Speaker 1:

Do I like dancing? I don't know, let's go and try it. Do I like gardening? I don't know, let's go and try it. Do I like going to a spa? I don't know, let's go and try it. And go and try all these different things to see what lights you up and some things are going to make you feel incredible and some things are going to make you go. No, I don't really like that. You're further forward in your journey of who you are and who you want to be, but ultimately it's a choice and if you need any help with this choice, I would love to talk to you further. So please get in touch, have the most amazing week. I hope this helps and I'll speak to you all again next week. Bye-bye.