The Working Mums Podcast

Ep #57 - Self-Care is Not Selfish - A Mother’s Perspective

• Nicky Bevan

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Self-care is vital for parents, yet often disregarded in the chaos of daily life. Embracing self-care helps in nurturing our families with more energy and patience.

Discover the transformative power of self-care and why it’s essential for parents in this week’s engaging podcast episode. I delve into the beauty of embracing solitude, emphasising how dedicating time to ourselves allows us to recharge and show up for our families in a more meaningful way. Join me as I share personal thoughts about the joy of taking a spa day alone and reflect on the associated benefits. 

Throughout our discussions, I uncover the myths surrounding the guilt often felt by parents when even considering self-care. By raising awareness of these societal expectations, I encourage listeners to reassess their beliefs about self-worth and the importance of prioritising personal well-being. 

I offer tangible advice on how to integrate self-care into daily life—whether it’s going for a walk, setting aside time to read, or communicating your needs with family members. It’s time to redefine what it means to take care of yourself without guilt or shame. 

Join the conversation and challenge the status quo—because investing in our own happiness ultimately enriches our relationships and fulfilment in life. Let’s build a world where taking time for yourself is celebrated, not frowned upon. Tune in, and remember to put yourself first!

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingMumsLifeCoach

If you'd like to have a chat about how I can help you further, please don't hesitate to click here & book a time with me, I'd love to meet you.

You can also follow me on IG @NickyBevan_LifeCoach

Speaker 1:

Welcome. Welcome to this week's podcast. So on Friday although when you listen to this it would have been last Friday, so I'm recording this ahead of time I am incredibly fortunate a whole day at a spa on my own, and it was a Christmas present. It was given to me by my husband for Christmas. It's one of my most favorite things to do and I really love to do it on my own. And when I say that to people, I kind of get a on your own response and I'm like yes, because it's a really beautiful opportunity for me to spend the day with me and my brain and not have to even consider anybody else.

Speaker 1:

And what I find happening when I've done this in the past is my body's moving and then my brain's like, oh, we're going somewhere different, so I don't have to go. Are you okay? Do you want to move? Do you, you know? Do you want to go? Do you want to try a different room? I mean, I love doing that with friends too, but there is something really delicious for me about doing it on my own and not having to think about anybody else.

Speaker 1:

But it's fascinating kind of what happens in my brain around our society's I think it's society's expectation on what a mother and a business woman and a working person should do, and it sounds something like this Should always think of other people first. Everybody else has to be happy, and as long as everybody else is happy, then I'll feel okay, I should always be doing something. It's selfish to take time out for myself, that money should have gone to something with the family, and so I've got all of these kind of beliefs coming up in my head that I just find fascinating and aren't true, because here's what I think is actually true, especially as a working mum when we take time out to look after ourselves and nourish ourselves, however, that looks for you and it doesn't have to cost money, we are then so much more available to look after everybody else. When we put ourselves first, we have more energy, we have more tolerance, we're so much more patient, we're able to access our wisdom so much more effectively. And especially if you're a business owner and you are the head of your business, it is even more vital. I believe that you have to look after yourself first, and that's another thing that we buy into. Isn't it how we always have to be working to make money, that the business has to come first. We're happy to invest money in maybe learning a new skill or enhancing our business, but when it comes to investing in enhancing our own well-being, there seems to be this kind of we shouldn't do it tone, and I'm calling bullshit on that belief.

Speaker 1:

I really believe it's about time that, as a working mum, we choose to start putting our own well-being first, because if you don't, you're going to get burnt out, you're going to be spinning and overwhelmed, you're going to be exhausted, tired. That's going to have you snapping at your kids not being present when you're with them, constantly shooting yourself and thinking that you should be something different, and that is, so I believe, detrimental to the family unit. When you're with your kids and your brain is saying, oh, I should be doing the washing, I should be emailing that client, I should be responding to that phone call, I should be folding the washing, I should be getting tea ready, you're not fully focused on that gorgeous human in front of you. Equally, when you're at work and your brain is going, I should be with the kids. I shouldn't be sat here doing this. I should be, I should be, I should be. It exhausts us, it actually exhausts us, and then we are not the best version of ourselves for anybody. So this investment, investing and I'm not saying it has to cost money, I'm not saying you have to go to a spa for a whole day but choosing something on a regular basis that just lights you up, that enables you to just relax, drop your shoulders. That could be going for a walk in nature, it could be doing some yoga, it could be having a coffee with your bestie, it could be getting that book and actually putting time in your calendar to sit and read it, knowing that, to begin with, your brain is going I should be cleaning, I should be calling that client, I should be doing the ironing, I should be doing the cooking, I should be with my kids. Put it in your calendar. Then you can just let that voice, that negative part that we all have. You can just hear it and not take any notice of it. You don't have to engage with that part of you.

Speaker 1:

As a human, we have the most incredible ability to think about our thinking, to watch our brain, and this is actually one of my favorite things to do. I kind of love sat in my chair, which is behind me, if you're watching on YouTube, this chair right here and I look out of my window, which is just over there, and I've got the most gorgeous view across the school playing field, looking at a load of trees. And one of the things I love doing the most, especially on a windy, rainy day, is just sitting watching the trees. And while I'm doing that, I just watch my brain where it goes and it goes off into one bit, and then it goes off into another bit, and then it goes off into another bit, and then it goes off into another bit, and then it goes off into another bit, and then it goes off into another bit, and then it goes off into something else, and I just sit and watch it with absolute fascination, because that part of our brain has been conditioned by society, cultures, religions Doesn't have to be your truth if it's not aligned with you.

Speaker 1:

Or even if those truths are aligned with you, you still get to choose for a period of time to focus on you, and when you do that, you will be such a better mom, such a better business owner, such a better employee. You will be your best version of yourself, because you've decided to put you first. Because you've decided to put you first. So I just want you to hear this message, without judgment, without criticism. All of that shitting that you're doing has been given to you by your culture, by your society, by what you experienced in your life. So this is not a reason to beat yourself up. Becoming aware of that conditioning is a brilliant opportunity to go okay, isn't that fascinating? Does me believing that help me be who I want to be in this world? However that looks for you, and if that conditioning and if that programming and if that shoulding isn't serving you, with a lot of compassion, take a really deep breath and then choose what you want to do.

Speaker 1:

And the reason why I love putting this into my calendar and scheduling that time is because, very deliberately ahead of time, that is what I've chose to do. So I've got it in my calendar to cook tea. I've got it in my calendar to spend time with my kids. I've got it in my calendar to go to the spa on Friday and I've made it very clear to my family that I am not cooking when I get back. They are more than capable of doing that. And I've also made it really clear what I want for my tea. It's quite simple because Friday night's always pizza night in the Bevan house.

Speaker 1:

I do worry that I'm conditioning my boys to think that that is a fact, that everybody has to have pizza on a Friday. Everybody has to have pizza on a Friday. But I only do pizza because I'm done with cooking by that point in the day and it's so easy to put it in. So I have made it very clear that by the way we've got pizza, I'm expecting my pizza and I'll be home at about 6 30 and I'm not doing anything to contribute to that. And I do that with a lot of love, because here's the thing we expect people to know what we want and we've never told them.

Speaker 1:

And I don't know if you've noticed this, but people are not good mind readers. We do not. We only think what we think, and we think everyone's thinking what we think and they're not. So with a lot of love, I do like to tell my family hey, by the way, I'm out for the whole day, I'm not going to be cooking and I expect my pizza to be ready for 6.30. Love you, it's literally like that.

Speaker 1:

Whether they do it or not I have no control over, but at least I'm not then going oh, they didn't do it. They didn't do it And't do it, and it's as if I, as if we expect them to know and to be, you know, mind readers. Unfortunately, people aren't just tell them with so much love what you're expecting and then release whether you get it or not. So maybe that be a whole other podcast, but for now, what I really want you to to consider, just allow yourself to consider for a moment that actually putting you first and investing, if that means a cost, might just be the best thing for you and your family and your business. Have the most incredible week and I will speak to you all next week. Bye.