Ep #73 - You Tell Your Best Mate to Rest – Now It’s Your Turn

You’d tell your best mate to slow down. You’d reassure her she’s not lazy, not selfish, and that taking a break is absolutely the right thing to do. But when it comes to giving yourself that same permission? Suddenly it feels like you’re failing.

In this episode, I’m inviting you to flip the script. I’m sharing my own experience of taking a summer pause, why it matters more than ever now that my boys are teenagers, and how I’ve learned to make peace with imperfect breaks (yes, even the ones with screens and snacks instead of wholesome outdoor fun).

If you’ve been feeling the pull to stop, rest, or just breathe—but guilt’s been talking you out of it—this one’s for you. Let this be the permission slip you didn’t know you needed.

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingWomensLifeCoach

If you'd like to have a chat about how I can help you further, please don't hesitate to click here & book a time with me, I'd love to meet you.

You can also follow me on IG @NickyBevan_LifeCoach

Transcript

Welcome, welcome, welcome to this week's podcast! I want to talk to you about taking a break.

I did it last year. I'm doing it this year.

I did it over Christmas. I kinda like… taking me a break.

And you would have heard the podcast before, if you've listened to some of them.

I want to give you permission to do the same. And the reason why I really love repeating this message is because… you will tell your best mate:

"Take a break! It's not lazy! It's not selfish."

Best things you could actually do for yourself. But very rarely do we talk to ourselves in that way.

So I want to give you permission to pause. And… and…

I want to share with you my experience leading up to this.

Because I kind of start to wind down about now. It's my birthday in a couple of weeks!

So that, for me, is like when the summer starts, and I love to…

I love to give myself that break. And I had a sense last year, and it's the same this year.

My boys are getting older, they want to spend time with their mates, they're teenagers—teenagers…

Are that enthused about doing all the things they used to want to do when they were little?

So, it's about… for me, really giving myself very deliberate, conscious time to connect with them.

In whatever way, shape, or form that looks like, and I don't put pressure on that.

Yes, my brain wants to tell me they should be 100% off screens, and we should be outside and be wholesome, and…

Oh, that's sometimes not how it looks, is it? You know, let's get real. Let's get real.

So, talking about real—guilt.

When you consider… taking time out.

Taking a break, having a holiday. Guilt tends to come up.

Because that inner critic, that bitchy voice that we all have, loves to tell us, "Can't take a break right now, there's too much to do."

Or, you know, "If I stop, it'll stop." So, owning my own business, one of the things my brain loves to tell me is: "If I stop working, it'll stop working."

In the six years that I've been deliberately taking a break—

Hasn't stopped. But my brain is convinced this time it's going to.

And so… taking this, also this belief that…

Taking time out is lazy, or selfish. It really isn't. When you allow yourself to take a break—

That is actually what fuels you. It enables you to be the best version of yourself.

That's not selfish. It's essential.

And so I think acknowledging that yes, that part of our brain is going to create guilt—

Guilt is… the emotion of guilt has a purpose. It…

Made sure that back in our caveman days, when we needed to be part of a tribe in order to survive—

Guilt made us learn so that we didn't do anything that might have got us kicked out of that—

Tribe. Good to know, hundreds of thousands of years ago. However, work—

Doesn't have to be your tribe. Social media—

Doesn't have to be your tribe. Your family, however that looks for you—

Is your tribe. And it is not selfish to very deliberately spend time with them. So, acknowledging that guilt is going to be part of it—

Doesn't have to be the decision maker. That's huge. You can thank guilt for trying to keep you safe, but it's just very mistaken in this particular scenario.

Actually… feeling guilty and choosing to have time off anyway—

Is gonna be what creates such a more beautiful connection with your family.

And it's not lazy. It could actually be classed as leadership, especially if you own your own business, or you have a team, or you manage a team of people.

Showing them that the world doesn't end when you take a break gives them permission to believe—

That the world doesn't end when they take a break.

And as a leader, it is about being the—

Human you want your people to become. Brené Brown says it so beautifully when she says: as parents, we need to be the adult we want our child to become.

It's exactly the same in leadership. If you have a team of people, and you know that actually them taking a break and switching off makes them so much more productive—

Because there's a ton of research out there that proves it.

It starts with you. So it's not lazy—

Could be leadership. So I think that's huge.

And then let's look at the different types of breaks that you can take. For me—

I love doing nothing. I actually do. I believe I probably was a sloth in a previous life.

Give me a book! And somewhere comfy to sit—

I can waste hours. It's not wasting. I'm gonna reframe that. I could spend hours indulging in doing nothing.

I love sitting in the steam room. I love looking—sitting on my patio and just looking out at the view. I actually enjoy sitting and doing—

Nothing. And the reason I enjoy doing that is because I don't feel like I ever have—

To… I don't believe the bullshit that my brain gives me, right? So when my brain is there going—

I'm just like, "Alright, whatever. You're not talking the truth." So I'm quite happy in my own company.

If the thought of sat doing nothing for you is terrifying, then you might want to address your relationship with yourself.

Because that kind of indicates to me that… there's an underlying…

Internal issue that you're not dealing with. And if you're your biggest bitch, it makes sense that you're not going to want to sit and waste—

Spend time with yourself. But, you know, it could just look like—

Choosing ahead of time, "I'm not gonna have screens for that evening." No one in the family is gonna have screens for that evening.

Knowing that if your kids aren't used to you implementing this, or your partner isn't used to you implementing—

Implementing, there may be a bit of agitation to begin with, and that's okay.

It's okay. That's part of the detoxing process. It could look like—

You know, taking a walk out in nature on your own, so that when you come back, you are fueled—

And ready to spend time with the people that you love.

Taking time out could look like having nothing planned in at all.

I know, right? We don't actually have to plan.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I do love me a plan.

But you don't actually… you can plan in doing nothing.

I mean, that's kind of… cool, do you not think?

And of course, then you can actually plan to have proper holidays—real breaks—actually where you leave the house and you go away for nights.

But you don't have to have a holiday in order to relax.

And if you are telling yourself you need a holiday, again, there's an indication that you're not addressing something. A holiday is nice to have, and I love holidays.

But when it's a need to have, it's indicating there's something in your life that you're not addressing, and you could address that, so that the holiday then is just lovely and nice to have.

And I really feel that… resting is a skill.

We're not taught how to rest. And I was actually coaching someone—I've been coaching someone that loves to fill their life up with stuff.

They've always got things planned, they're always on the go, and if something canceled, they would go and fill it with another sport, or they were always out.

And what they've realized is, actually, by planning in time to do nothing—

By resting—that is what actually refuels his battery so that he can keep going for longer.

So, resting is vital. It's when we rest that we heal. Only because of our society's conditioning around being lazy, and the absolute bollocks that we buy into—that resting is doing nothing—

We don't give ourselves permission to do it. And you will know, deep down, if you're actually being lazy in the sense that you are actually avoiding doing something. But—

If you're on a planned break, doing nothing is not lazy.

It's very productive, and it's very healing. And it does amaze me—I chuckle at myself—how sometimes I quite often plan nothing at the weekends—

And how even a day of doing nothing involves doing three loads of washing, hanging it out, and tidying the house.

But that's okay too. You can actually create—

A plan to do nothing. You can plan nothing in your—

Calendar. And then all you have to do—

Is not engage in the bullshit that your brain's gonna come out with—

When it's telling you, "I should be doing something, we should be active, the weather's lovely, we should get outside."

That all makes us feel crap, and then when we're doing it, we're doing it resentfully and obligated, and that's—

A holiday! That’s not relaxing!

So I want to end with this. I want to end with—

Really empowering you to choose the type of summer—

That you really want. To have. That would be really nice to have.

So, for me, I have decided to… not constrain.

Not collaborate—oh my gosh, I've forgotten the word. What's that word? Condense! I've chosen to condense my coaching hours, my clients—

Down into just a couple of days. The other days, because I now have teenagers and they tend to lie in a little bit—

I have got some business projects that I’m really excited about—

That I want to start doing. So, I am going to plan in to work in the mornings when my boys are asleep.

Then I’m going to stop when they get up. And then I’m going to fully focus on them—whatever they decide to do. And if they want to go out, we’ll go out. If they want to sit and play on their PlayStations, they’ll sit and play on their PlayStations.

I’m not going to choose to beat us up or shame ourselves—

For being human. And if they want to sit on their PlayStation and play together, I’m gonna take that opportunity to sit and read my book—

Probably right here on the sofa behind me if it’s raining.

If you’re watching me on YouTube, you can see me pointing to my leather sofa behind me.

So take the pressure off.

Don’t try and make it be perfect. You’re human. And that need to take a break does not mean that you’re broken.

It is the most healing, beneficial thing that you can do for yourself—

And for your family. And when that brain starts to spin in the negative bullshit—just accept it's gonna do—

Just practice what I’m gonna practice. Which is taking a really deep breath, acknowledging it, first of all—

Taking a really deep breath. And then choosing not to engage in that dialogue.

I just don’t engage with that drama. And I remind myself that this is very deliberately what I’ve chosen to do this summer.

And that I’ve got my back, regardless of what happens, of the outcome.

So, I have pre-recorded eight very short, very—

Powerful new bullshit lessons. So that over your summer, if you do want to do something, there are very short lessons that you can listen to that are gonna be—

Scheduled. So, you will get to hear me every week, even though I’m actually going to be—

Off-grid. I was just inspired to do that—

So that’s what I’ve done. So look out for those, and then I will be really excited to join you again in September—

And announce the new little things that I’m coming up with.

I cannot wait to speak to you then. Have a beautiful time—

And I will speak to you all on the other side!

Good luck. You’ve got this. Bye!