Ep#79 - Summer mini-series - You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Emotions

This one’s a biggie.

If you’re constantly juggling everyone else’s moods and reactions – your team, your kids, your partner – and feeling like you have to keep everyone calm, happy and okay… I’ve got news for you.

You are not responsible for other people’s emotions. I’m going to say that again, with love and clarity: you are not responsible for other people’s emotions.

In this bite-sized episode, we’re diving into one of the most powerful mindset shifts I teach – one that creates instant space, calm, and freedom when you really let it land. You’ll learn:

💥 Why trying to “fix” how everyone else feels leaves you feeling like a burnt-out, snappy version of yourself
 💥 The neuroscience-backed truth about emotions – and why they’re not yours to manage (unless they are yours)
💥 How to stop taking responsibility for other people’s feelings without becoming a cold-hearted robot
💥 A simple, practical tool I use to ground myself when the guilt and people-pleasing kick in

Listen. Then practise. That’s how this mini-series will shift things for you this summer.

Hand on your heart, deep breath in… I am safe to feel this emotion.
And you are.

See you back here next week for more no-fluff, full-love coaching.

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingMumsLifeCoach

If you'd like to have a chat about how I can help you further, please don't hesitate to click here & book a time with me, I'd love to meet you.

You can also follow me on IG @NickyBevan_LifeCoach

Transcript

I was going to have a break. From podcasting over the summer season. And then, I had this idea about creating a whole little mini-series, a summer mini-series. 

And I have been so inspired by this thought that I've… just pre-recorded 8 very short, absolutely no bullshit, incredibly loving mini… podcast episodes. 

I don't want you just to listen to them, I want you to listen to them, and then practice it! 

I really want to invite you to take this summer to listen to this bite-sized short episode and apply what I'm teaching in it. 

And then just get fascinated at what shift that creates in your life over this 8 weeks. 

I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will see you when I'm back in September! 

You are not responsible for other people's emotions. I'm gonna say that again, with so much love.
 You are not responsible for other people's emotions.
 Neither, by the way, are they responsible for yours.
 And when you really start to learn that your thoughts create your emotions,
 and your emotions drive your actions, that is also happening for every other person you come across, child or adult.
 Their thoughts create their emotions, and their emotions drive their behaviour.
 That has nothing to do with you. You do not, as a human on this planet,
 have the skill to manipulate somebody's brain. Neither does someone have the superpower to manipulate your brain. That's what we see in X-Men.
 It is not what happens in real life. We can influence… and as parents, we want to influence our children. As leaders, we want to influence our staff.
 But we influence and lead by doing the work ourselves.
 By us becoming the adult we want our staff or our children to be. That's a quote from Brené Brown.
 I love the quote so much. As parents, we have to be the adult we want our child to become.
 I think the same applies in the workplace. As a leader, we have to be the adult we want our staff to become. So we influence, but we do not get to control.
 And when you are busy trying to make everybody else happy, making sure that they're not anxious, making sure that they're not stressed, making sure that they feel loved, making sure that they feel happy,
 making sure that they feel calm—you feel shit. Because what happens when you're focused on everybody outside of you is you neglect yourself.
 And then you start snapping because you're exhausted, you start being short-tempered, you start snapping at everybody.
 And so then, trying to make everybody else happy, actually, you're giving them a version of you that's really shit to deal with.
 Because you're short-tempered and impatient. Whereas when you focus on you first,
 when you start to learn that your thoughts create your emotions, and that your emotions are harmless—
 Gonna say that again. Your emotions are harmless. That must then mean other people's emotions are harmless.
 So when you get comfortable with your emotions, you get so much more comfortable with other people's emotions.
 If you're okay being upset, you'll be okay with your staff or your kids being upset.
 But when you fuel you first, when you focus on you,
 and when you create love and comfort and safety inside yourself—and if you've been listening to this summer miniseries I've been teaching you how to do that: naming your primal brain, talking kindly to yourself—
 that is going to make you the most amazing version of you.
 And here's how I do that. When I start to feel nervous, when I start to feel self-doubt—which seems to be a constant companion of mine at the moment—
 when I feel anxious or angry or frustrated,
 I literally place my hand on my heart. Oh, dread is another one. I wake up feeling dread.
 I place my hand on my heart. And I tell myself, I am safe to experience this emotion.
 Nothing has gone wrong. And when you realize—and I've already done podcasts on how to process your emotions, so go back and look at those—but when you realize that your emotions are harmless,
 you don't need to avoid them, you don't need to react to them.
 And then you get comfortable feeling uncomfortable, which means you don't get sad about feeling sad, or anxious about feeling anxious, or angry about feeling angry, or frustrated at feeling frustrated.
 You just come back to that first initial emotion. I'm safe to feel it.
 And your emotions only last for 90 seconds—as does everybody else's—when you fully allow yourself to experience it.
 So, you are not responsible for other people's emotions. When you keep taking on other people's emotions, that makes you a really shit version of yourself.
 And of course, you can do that. I'm not judging you for doing that. You're human.
 This takes practice. It takes a willingness to learn.
 So if you don't want to be exhausted anymore, this week, start to notice when you're trying to people please. Start to notice when your emotions start to get heightened.
 Take a deep breath, place your hand on your heart: I am safe to feel this emotion. And breathe. Let it ease off.
 And from there, have that conversation. From there, talk to your child. From there,
 deal with whatever it is you want to deal with. Have the most amazing week. I'll speak to you next week.
 Bye-bye!