Ep #104 - The Day I Realised: My Future Self Doesn’t Do the clothes washing

In this episode, I’m sharing something I’m going through in real time - an identity shift that’s been unexpectedly uncomfortable… and massively liberating.

For years, I’ve held the identity of the woman who runs the house — the meal planning, the food shop, the washing, the constant mental load of “making sure everything gets done”. And then I had a moment that stopped me in my tracks:

My future self doesn’t do the clothes washing.

The version of me who’s building a successful business (and earning a fuck ton of money) isn’t managing baskets, radiators, and tumble dryer logistics. She’s got support. She’s trained her family to handle the basics. And she’s put her energy where it actually matters.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why identity shifts have to happen before your life changes
• The “it’s just quicker if I do it” trap (and what it costs you)
• Why delegating at home feels harder than doing it yourself — at first
• How we unintentionally enable the people we live with (even when we don’t mean to)
• The bigger picture: raising capable humans and stepping into your CEO energy

If you’re a working woman (especially with a business you want to grow) and you’re tired of carrying the house on your back, this one will hit home. The discomfort is temporary — but the freedom on the other side is real.

If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who needs it. And if you’re listening on Apple or Spotify, I’d be so grateful if you left a 5-star review — it helps more women find the support they need.

Want help making your own identity shift (without the guilt)? Come and find me — I’d love to support you.

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingWomensLifeCoach

If you'd like to have a chat about how I can help you further, please don't hesitate to click here & book a time with me, I'd love to meet you.

You can also follow me on IG @NickyBevan_LifeCoach

Transcript

Welcome, welcome, welcome to this week's podcast, and I am going to share with you something that I'm going through personally at the moment. In the hope that it allows you to have more compassion with your brain when your brain goes through this.

So, I am working on an identity shift. I have held the identity for so long, of the woman… that… runs the house. So how this has looked… is that I… do all the food shopping. I do all the meal planning, I cook the meals, I tidy the house, I do all the clothes washing. I have a cleaner, so I can't say I clean, but she only comes every other week, but I am the one who… gets people to do stuff.

And the other day, I had this realization that if I am going to grow my business, and step into this version of myself that has a very successful business as a working woman, I have to change my identity first.

And this realization came in a moment. I was… going upstairs, I had a whole day of coaching planned. My husband was downstairs, and… a load of clothes washing needed to get put on. And I was thinking, oh my gosh, like, when… at what point today am I going to get time to put it on? And then either, like, hang it out or put it in the… tumble dryer. And I stopped myself, and I thought, right. What does my future self do?

And in that moment… I had this realization that… my future self, the version of me that has a successful business, that is earning a fuckton of money, she's not doing the washing! She's not managing the washing! She has her family helping her!

And so I was like, ooh, that's really interesting. And when we're changing identity, if there's something that you want to become, regardless of what it is, you have to start acting from that place first, and that's what gets you to your new identity.

And so I was like, right, well, if that's what my future self does, I have to start doing that now. And I was working out of the bedroom, which I love, because I light my candles, and it's a really gorgeous space to coach from. And I… got… I knew my husband wasn't going to be able to get into the bedroom to get to the wash basket, so, I took out what needed, chucked on the landing, and shouted down to him, Johnny! Can you put a load of washing, please? Um, put it on, I'm coaching all day. And then I went in, sat down, and coached.

Now, on this particular occasion, it didn't actually get done! Because my husband isn't used to having it in his head that he needs to put the washing on. He's not in that habit. And everything runs smoothly, because I have done it for so long, it's easy for me to… to manage that.

But when I look at who I want to become, when I look at the… successful businesswoman that I want to be, the… powerful CEO that I want to be, the version of me that makes a fuckton of money? She is not… managing the washing in the house. She has… trained her children to do it.

Now, I am in a very fortunate position now that I have a husband, and two boys, they're 14 and 15, at the point of recording this podcast. They are very capable of learning. And I think this is where a lot of women, especially if you're a mum, this is the point at which we put so much pressure on ourselves, because we have this thought that we have to do it all. But, we think that no one else can possibly do it.

So, what happens then is we continue to enable that behaviour from the people that we live with. So, having had that insight a couple of weeks ago, this has been mulling around in my head for a few weeks. And I've been thinking to myself, Nikki, you need to now start… getting the other three adults that you work with, or almost adults, that you'd not work with, that you live with, I get them involved in running this house, because they are capable of learning.

And this process has been… fascinating to go through in my head and in my body, because it has been really uncomfortable. For two reasons.

First of all, I'm really good at what I do when it comes to managing the house. Because I've got the habits and the processes all set up, it runs smoothly, and I'm good at it. I can clean a house very well. I can do the washing very well. I didn't always enjoy doing it! Of course I don't… But the cooking, I can do it, and I can do it well! So why would I want to give that up?

Well, the reason I want to give that up is because I also want to get very good at business. I also want to be very good at getting more money for my business. So these are skills at which I'm going to have to focus my energy into. And it means dropping something.

And so I've had this conversation, first of all, with my husband, to say to him, look, um, if you're out the house, all day, every day, it makes sense that I do stuff. But when you're at home, I think you can… you are very capable of helping out.

Now, my husband is gorgeous. I… he… he… he has the ability to see it from my perspective, so I'm grateful for that. My boys, however, aren't quite so on board. They're like, but we're at school all day, and we want to be gaming in the evening. I'm like, yeah, I get it, but of all the people in our house, out of the four of us, you have the most downtime. And you are very capable of learning.

So, going in… so they're on board with this process, they're on board with learning. And then there's going to be this period of time which we are now currently in, where it takes more time to teach them how to do the washing and, you know, the logistics of making sure it's hung out and there's enough radiators during the radiator space during the winter. You know, all the things that I'm used to doing as a woman, because I've done it.

And I don't think this is a male-female thing, this isn't a penis or vagina, this is just whoever's in the habit of doing it most. And if you're listening to this and you're a man, that might be you.

So, there's gonna be a period of time where it actually takes more effort to teach people than it does to me just do it. So the first thing I have to overcome is this thought in my head that goes, oh, it's just going to be quicker for you to do it next. Yes, it is in the moment, but that's not creating the long-term identity that I want.

The long-term identity for myself is a badass businesswoman. She's not maintaining the house anymore. And… I am very fucking passionate about teaching my boys how to look after themselves. Very passionate. So that when they get older, they are very balanced, mature, capable men that don't need to be looked after.

And that starts with me. That starts with me changing my identity as a woman, and going… being willing to go through the discomfort of teaching them how to do it. And it ain't difficult.

And how you see your partner, how you see your children is what they're going to become. So this is why it starts with me. Having that willingness to go through the discomfort of changing my identity, of changing my habits, of having a period of time where it's more painful to teach them how to do something and be on top of them in the sense of, have you put the washing on? Who's putting the washing out? Da-da-da-da-da. Until such time as they're in the habit of doing it, and then my life becomes so much easier. My identity has then changed.

And I can focus all of my energy on to the business side of my business. I don't need to put any energy now into being a coach. I'm a fucking good coach for the right person. But my business skills, my selling, my marketing, my CEO identity, that's what I need to put my energy into, not getting better at cooking, cleaning, tidying, and clothes washing.

So I wanted to come and share this with you. It kind of… I was gonna say, it kinda seems insignificant. But it's really not.

If you are a working woman, if you have, especially if you have your own business that you want to grow, we have to look at our identity. If you have been used to being the housewife, and you want to shift out of that, there's a period of discomfort. Shifting that identity is uncomfortable. But the other side of that discomfort is who you want to create in your life.

And I am not saying here that that's what every woman should do. I don't believe they should. If you're listening to this and you love being the housewife, you don't… you love your business if you have one exactly as it is, or you go to work and you enjoy your job, amazing! That is brilliant. I'm not then talking that you need to change your identity.

But if, like me, you want to grow a successful business and work out earning a fuckton of money, the identity has to shift. And that shift requires discomfort. Temporary discomfort, whilst your body gets used to a different normal.

And so what's going on in my head is fascinating, because doing the clothes washing is familiar. There's a little bit of a sense of achievement attached to it, because I'm like, ooh, look, there's not many clothes to be washed! But that isn't going to grow me to the next version of myself.

So, I am very grateful for my past identities getting me here. Especially when it comes to the family that I've created, because my boys are incredible, my husband is amazing. And that is down to the version of me that's… the past version of me that have got me here. I'm so grateful to her. So grateful.

But those skills aren't going to get me to where I'm going. So I have to be willing to let her go. With so much love, and so much gratitude, thank her for getting me here. And then get very excited about the next version of me.

So I really wanted to record this as I'm going through it real time, like, even today. I went to put some washing on. I'm like, oh, no, not my job anymore. I'll get the boys to do that later. It was uncomfortable. But that's who I'm becoming.

And if you're listening to this and you're inspired by it, I would love to support you through that, because I don't think we can do this on our own. I am incredibly fortunate that I've got very powerful mind and emotional management skills. I know my shit. But I even have to… you know, coach this through at times.

So if you're listening to this, and you want to do the same for yourself, please get in touch, because I would love to be that person that supports you. And if you have a friend that you know is going through this with so much love, please forward this episode on to her.

And I would also love to ask you, because I'm trying to get a lot better at asking for the things I want, I would love you to write a review on whatever platform you're listening to this episode. So if you're watching me on YouTube, you will see a few tears in my eyes. If you're listening to me on Spotify, Apple, or anywhere else, please give me a 5-star review, because that's going to enable other working women to be inspired and to learn.

Thank you so much for listening. Have the most incredible day. And I will speak to you all again next week. Bye-bye!