Ep #115 - Hating Your Body Won’t Help You Look After It

How often do you look at your body and immediately notice what’s “wrong” with it?

The size, the shape, the ageing, the aches, the bits you wish were different…

In this episode, I’m talking about the way we think about our physical bodies — and why hating, criticising or constantly picking yourself apart is never going to help you feel better, take care of yourself, or create lasting change.

This isn’t about pretending you love every single inch of your body. That’s not always realistic, and honestly, it can feel like another stick to beat yourself with.

Instead, I’m inviting you to look for gratitude.

Because your body is doing so much for you.

It lets you walk, breathe, see, hear, speak, hug your children, eat food, move through the world, and experience your life.

And when you start choosing to focus on what your body does for you, rather than only what you think is wrong with it, something shifts.

With love and absolutely no bullshit, this episode will help you start building a kinder, more useful relationship with the body you’ve been given. 

In this episode, I talk about:

•  Why your brain naturally focuses on what’s wrong 
•  Why body hatred doesn’t help you take better care of yourself 
•  The difference between loving your body and feeling grateful for it 
•  How to find something about your body you can appreciate 
•  Why the way you speak to your body matters 

You don’t have to love every bit of your body.

But you can stop being so cruel to it.

And that’s a bloody good place to start.

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingWomensLifeCoach

If you'd like to have a chat about how I can help you further, please don't hesitate to click here & book a time with me, I'd love to meet you.

You can also follow me on IG @NickyBevan_LifeCoach

Transcript

Welcome, welcome, welcome to this week's podcast. And I am going to talk to you today about a topic that I have coached two people on this week. And it's a topic that comes up often in coaching, and that is your view of your physical body.
So, the two clients in particular… Obviously, I'm not going to name them, because that goes against my confidentiality, which is… Very important to me. But they both had completely poles apart. One's a man, one's a woman, one's young, one's old. Like, one's in their 20s, one is in their 80s. And. for various different reasons, they had a negative view of their body. So the young woman, she disliked the way she looked. For the. Only gentlemen. was disappointed about the fact that he was in physical pain, and he didn't think he should be.
And so how we talk, how we choose to. Think about our bodies. Is is. It is a choice. You get to choose. How you think about your… body that you have been given in this world.
Now. Because the… brain is negatively biased. Science has proven that the brain is negatively biased. That… if left unmanaged, your beautiful, incredible, amazing brain is going to automatically look at what's wrong. That is the human's brain's default setting, by design. So, if we… You know, if we're going into a situation that… but especially the primitive part of our brain only wants to keep us safe. And so it's con it is looking at out for danger. That's okay. It's okay. And it's… we could thank it for trying to keep us safe, but when it comes to your body, and actually any circumstance, I really believe. There is always a choice of what you focus on.
Do I think you can get to a place where you love every single aspect of your body? No, I don't think you can. But I promise you, regardless of your shape, regardless of your size, regardless of your age. regardless of any of those things, when it comes to your beautiful human physical body, there will be something about it that you like. And I know, I know your brain may have just gone to… no… Nikki, you can't see me, you don't know my body, you don't know what I look like naked, yadda yadda y. None of that! Bullshit! is true.
And here's what I did with my two clients, with so much love. I'm like, okay… I asked them both the same questions, even though they're… Poles apart, you know, woman, man, 20, 80. Let's take away… Your ability to walk. Let's imagine that you woke up tomorrow morning, and you no longer could walk. If we took away your ability to walk. If that happened… That version of you that can no longer walk? What do they then think about the body that you had yesterday? Well, you would think. My gosh. I would give anything to have that body back, because that body could walk.
That's gratitude. And then I asked the same question. Or, the same question to both of them, slightly different question. Okay, now let's take away your ability to see. To hear. To speak. To move around. To breathe. To eat. And suddenly. You start to realise… That this body that you have been gifted. Parts of it is actually amazing.
There are parts of your body that you will like. Do I like the size of my ass? not particularly, but I know there are women in the world that would love an ass my size, whether they're small or whether they're large. Look at my ass! I think of my… this makes me chuckle, because I do think of my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law's very fit, very strong. And she, quite often, um, will look at my ass as, like, I would love an ass your size, because she doesn't. She hasn't been gifted with that part of her body. But do I like it? No, not really. I would much prefer it to be maybe a dress size or two smaller. But I do like the color of my hair. I do quite like my eyes. I think my lips are okay. Do I like the fact that I've got a bit of a double chin? And do I look at my mum and think, ooh, I better do some work on my chin before it sags? Yes.
So, the point is… It's all there. The good parts and the bad parts. If you're going to label a part good or bad, both are there for you. You get to decide which bit you're going to choose to focus on, and by default, the brain will focus on the negative. But when you learn the skill of managing your mind, you get to acknowledge that it's focusing on the negative. And redirect it with so much kindness to… Yes, but. I also like the color of my hair. I also quite like my hands and my nails. I quite like my eyelashes. You know, I quite like my lips. Aren't I lucky that I can see? Aren't I lucky that I can hear? Aren't I lucky that I can taste? speak. I have arms that hug my children. I have legs that walk me through nature.
That's gratitude. And it's a very deliberate practice. Your brain is not going to go there by default. It's going to go to the negative. You get to decide. to redirect it to a positive. And when you start to have gratitude for that body that you have been gifted. You might be more inclined to look after it.
Because we look after the things we like and love, we don't look after the things we dislike. So it's kind of ironic, especially if you want to lose weight, especially if you want to get healthier, especially if you want to, you know, drop a couple of dress sizes, or get stronger, whatever it is for you. Hating yourself there is not sustainable. Because we don't look after the things we hate. The things we don't like, they get chucked in the back of a cupboard, gathering dust, and we don't give a shit about it. That's what you're currently doing.
But when we're grateful for something… When we learn to love parts of it, we look after it. We give it what it needs. You will know this, especially if you have a pet. If you have a pet, a dog, cat, horse. Guinea pigs, whatever you love. You look after them. You give them food that's good for them. You don't let… Most people don't let their pets. Eat toxic shit, because they don't want their pet to be ill or die. So we look after the things we love.
And gratitude… getting to gratitude, the easiest way to get to gratitude is to take the thing away, and then suddenly you realize, well, shit, if I didn't have it… My life would be fundamentally different. In a… in a… in a bad way. That's gratitude.
And you can do this with any area of your life. So, I quite often do this, like, if I'm… If I'm walking like, you know, maybe I'm walking through a park and there's a whole load of rubbish bins somewhere. Well, I could focus on the rubbish and the rubbish bins. Or, I can choose to focus on the beautiful view, and the wildflowers, and the birds. Both are there. Your brain is naturally going to default to the negative, by design. Thank you, brain. Not needed in this scenario. And very kindly, without judgement, I redirect it to what I want it to focus on.
And you can do this in your relationships, you can do this with your physical body, you can do this with your children. You can do this with your job. You can do this with everything, but it's a practice. It is a practice of very deliberately. Looking for gratitude. And… the best way that I know to do this is challenge yourself every day. to write down 3 things that you are grateful for. Now, if you want to lose weight, or you want to get stronger, and you want to work on your physical body, make sure it is about your physical body. If it's about your job. Do it around your job. If it's about a relationship, do it around a relationship. Both will be there. You get to choose which you focus on.
And we always have a choice. But it's a skill that you get to learn and practice. Gratitude is a practice. Being thankful is a practice. Your brain is not going to automatically do it. But you have a choice. Always.
So that's what I have for you this week, my friend. If this resonates with you, and if you're like, oh, Nikki, I would really love to talk to you about this further, I have a new offer. I'm calling it the Sort Your Head Out session. It's 90 minutes or less, where we're going to explore your brain. look at everything that's holding you back, and in that 90 minutes, you will be so much calmer, you will feel unstuck, and you'll have a plan to move forward without a huge to-do list. I am not down for to-do lists. And it's only £157. No, it's £257. Go and look at my website. Go and look at my website. That's how you sign up for it. Um, and so if you've been curious about coaching, but you're not ready to necessarily commit to a full package. Go and get that. Because at the… you will go from chaos to calm. You will go from overwhelmed to overjoyed in the 90 minutes or less.
Have the most incredible week, and I'll see you all again next week. Bye-bye!