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The Motherhood Mentor
Welcome to The Motherhood Mentor Podcast your go-to resource for moms seeking holistic healing and transformation. Hosted by mind-body somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach Becca Dollard.
Join us as we explore the transformative power of somatic healing, offering practical tools and strategies to help you navigate overwhelm, burnout, and stress. Through insightful conversations, empowering stories, and expert guidance, you'll discover how to cultivate resilience, reclaim balance, and thrive in every aspect of your life while still feeling permission to be a human. Are you a woman who is building a business while raising babies who refuses to burnout? These are conversations and support for you.
We believe in the power of vulnerability, connection, and self-discovery, and our goal is to create a space where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
Whether you're juggling career, family, or personal growth, this podcast is your sanctuary for holistic healing and growth all while normalizing the ups and downs, the messy and the magic, and the wild ride of this season of motherhood.
Your host:
Becca is a mom of two, married for 14years to her husband Jay living in Colorado. She is a certified somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach to high functioning moms. She works with women who are navigating raising babies, building businesses, and prioritizing their own wellbeing and healing. She understands the unique challenges of navigating being fully present in motherhood while also wanting to be wildly creative and ambitious in her work. The Motherhood Mentor serves and supports moms through 1:1 coaching, in person community, and weekend retreats.
Follow on IG: @themotherhoodmentor , send me a dm and let me know you found me through the podcast!
Website: https://www.the-motherhood-mentor.com/
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The Motherhood Mentor
Ambition, Motherhood, and Entrepreneurship with Stephanie LaFlora
Can balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship truly be harmonious? In this insightful episode, we sit down with Stephanie LaFlora, founder of Moxie, as we dive into what it's really like being a founder building a business without burning out.
Stephanie discusses how to recognize both internal and external progress, emphasizing the importance of consistency in achieving long-term success. With practical advice on sustaining motivation and celebrating small wins, she helps us understand that every step, no matter how slow, is still progress.
We also tackle the tough realities of entrepreneurship, including imposter syndrome and the pressure to constantly accelerate. Stephanie shares strategies for breaking down challenges into manageable steps and fostering continuous learning. She highlights the power of authentic storytelling to connect with your audience and inspire others.
Navigating the complexities of motherhood, we delve into mental health topics, addressing the feelings of depression and low days many moms face. Stephanie offers practical self-care strategies and the importance of setting realistic expectations, reminding us that it’s okay to take a step back and focus on our basic needs. Are you trying to balance and navigate holding your business and motherhood and yourself- this is for you.
Join us for a heartfelt conversation filled with valuable insights and actionable steps to help you reclaim your agency and find balance amidst the chaos of motherhood and entrepreneurship.
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About Stephanie:
Stephanie LaFlora is the founder of Moxie, where she combines her expertise in data tech and digital storytelling to empower startups with compelling brand narratives that move the culture forward.
Where to find Stephanie:
Website
Traction Camp
Instagram
Join us next time as we continue to explore the multifaceted journey of motherhood.
Thank you for tuning in to The Motherhood Mentor. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us.
Stay connected with us on social media and share your thoughts and experiences tagging @themotherhoodmentor
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. I'm Becca, a somatic healing practitioner and a holistic life coach for moms, and this podcast is for you. You can expect honest conversations and incredible guests that speak to health, healing and growth in every area of our lives. This isn't just strategy for what we do. It's support for who we are. I believe we can be wildly ambitious while still holding all of our soft and hard humanity as holy. I love combining deep inner healing with strategic systems and no-nonsense talk about what this season is really like. So grab whatever weird health beverage you're currently into and let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Welcome to today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. Today, I have with me Stephanie LaFleura, and we really dive deep into what momentum actually looks and feels like, how to get traction, how to balance whatever that means your business, your entrepreneurship and your motherhood and taking care of yourself and what traction actually looks and feels like, what gets in the way, how to show up on the good days and the hard days. And Stephanie LaFleur she is just a wealth of wisdom, truly. She is the founder of Moxie, where she combines her expertise in data tech and digital storytelling to empower startups with compelling brand narratives that move the culture forward and her action camp was actually my first introduction to her through a local networking entrepreneur event and I just was instantly drawn to her and the way she shows up and the way she lives and just the wisdom she was able to communicate so clearly and kindly. But again that, like truth telling, it's just phenomenal.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited to share this podcast with you Without further ado. Let's get into it All right, stephanie? I am so excited to have you on the podcast today. Will you go ahead and just introduce yourself for people who don't know you?
Speaker 2:Hey y'all. I'm Stephanie and I like to introduce myself as a troublemaker, because I always have been one. It's a core part of my identity and where I do is find places where people are not being included or where things don't feel as accessible, and I disrupt that and I make it way easier for everybody to get access to that thing. And right now I'm doing that with my company, moxie. We're an agency and we're focused on startups and really reducing the friction that startup companies and new businesses have when they get started and helping them get their first 100 loyal customers with storytelling.
Speaker 1:That's so good. And my introduction to you was at the Allume VIP event and as you were speaking, I was just so drawn into you and I went and sat at your table and you had said you had given us an exercise and I was like, can I break the rule? I don't like the rule because you were like one sentence. I was like I don't do one sentences, like I don't do short and like that's part of my story, that's part of my vibe. And you were like oh so you're a rebel and I got this permission of like am I like? In a really fun, playful way, I realized like I actually love seeing myself as that.
Speaker 1:I think that used to be a shameful part of me of like rebellious was seen as a bad thing, but now disruptor feels like a good thing. So one of the things that I love you've created so much content lately that I've seen about momentum and ambition and what that feels like when you're a mom and when you're an entrepreneur and when both of those, I feel like those two roles. For me at least, they feel very similar. When it comes to what momentum and ambition actually look like, can you talk about what your experience is like in this season?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean. So. I have been in a season where the momentum was really under the surface for a long time. It wasn't breaking through, like I felt internally, like I was making progress, and what that looked like for me very specifically was I felt like it was easier for me to be consistent. I felt like it was easier for me to follow through with the things that I had set out for myself as goals. I felt like I was having less imposter syndrome. So it was very internal, right, like all of those things. It was like I know I feel like I need to be this person to get these results. That was happening, but the results weren't happening yet. But that's still momentum. And then that started to happen externally. I was getting more clients, I was making more money, I was growing my team. You know I was getting more repeatable process in my business.
Speaker 2:Those are all the things that really start to feel like momentum on the business side, and I think there's a couple of things that I like to encourage people with when they're in the season of trying to get there, cause it's one of the hardest things in the world. One is you are not the keeper of time in the world. One is you are not the keeper of time, and that's hard because we make, we make count, we put stuff on dates and those dates become, whether or not we pat ourselves on the back or feel good about ourselves, but it's like you made that date up. I think the thing that you have to be really conscious of is am I moving forward at all Whether it be internal or external forward at all? Whether it be internal or external, is there progress happening? Momentum is simply progress. You can't judge the pace. You might need a different pace financially, but you shouldn't judge it right, because that judgment is actually what makes you quit. The judgment is what makes you feel stuck right. If you take the judgment off, you say, all right, I'm moving forward, like, take a second to like, feel that and to be happy about that. You know people are not moving forward at all. So you're like I'm moving forward, wow, I feel like I need to move forward a little faster. What are some of the ways that people do that? So now you've taken the judgment out, you're not feeling like you got to overcome this feeling of whether or not I should be doing this or whether or not I'm the right person, or do I really have what it takes? The answer is yes. The answer is just simply yes.
Speaker 2:I believe that when you have something that is internal, that you just feel like I have to do this, that is meant for you to do the pace you do it at. Don't judge that part you have needs, though, so you also have to figure that part out, and that's where you ask for help, that's where you bring in coaches, that's where you ask friends who have achieved some of the goals that you've already achieved, because when you get it that specific of like I need to I figured this out, but I'm trying to figure out how to get it this 10% better that's a very approachable problem to solve with another person. When you bring in all a bunch of baggage about who you think you may be or not be, or should I be doing it Like that's the work you got to do, right, and so that's that internal momentum, and then, when you get to a point where you're clear on those things, it's a lot easier for you to get help.
Speaker 1:You just said so much good stuff. I'm just like sitting here soaking in what you said because I think for me, I felt that in motherhood and then I felt it again in business where, like I was doing all of this deep inner work but I wasn't quite seeing the results yet. I wasn't. I was focused on who I was becoming more than what I was doing, and especially in my business, where I started out, in my business, my number one goal was not income. It was not success, quote, unquote. It was I need to build a business, business and integrity I need to.
Speaker 1:I am healthy because the business I do is helping and healing other people and I was like I'll be damned if I start this business helping other moms cultivate and create this health and wellness in their relationships and their motherhood and their inner being and lose it.
Speaker 1:And so it looked a lot slower than what I was seeing other people. I think there's this mirage and this very pretty image that sold to us on Instagram and I don't and I don't think it's necessarily false, I think a lot of it is genuine, true success. But that comparison man, I'm a pretty smart person and, like I will find myself, it's not this intellectual, I'm comparing myself to her, but I'll get this feeling in my body Like I'm running behind, I'm late. There's that judgment comes in that you named, and it's so interesting how I'll allow certain metrics, will allow certain metrics of success for another woman make us feel like we're behind instead of witnessing. I wonder what she did to do that, I wonder. I wonder what she knows or how she does things that, like, I don't know yet. And that's where that story piece is so powerful that you mentioned.
Speaker 2:Yeah, story is everything, and I just want to say, before I even get into story with that, um, something I ask people all the time when I'm coaching them and I'm always trying to keep track of it in my own mind is what is the very next win that you need? Most people cannot answer that question at all. They have to take a long time to answer it. So my question is what are you judging yourself over? What are you not achieving that makes you feel like I need to hurry up. Hurry up and do what? Right? So if you can't name it, it's not real, and so you have to actually be conscious enough of what the next win is you actually need to have, and that win, usually, if we're talking business, it takes some work to figure that out. Right, you got to sit down. Maybe you got to look at a spreadsheet. Maybe you're saying, like, I'm just not bringing in enough. Okay, do you need to change your pricing? Okay, do you need to create a more scalable offer? Like.
Speaker 2:I think that, as a business owner, there's so much about this process that is deeply psychological, and but we're doing both at the same time, so sometimes it's hard to figure out which one is which. And if you get in, when I coach people, a lot of times we figure out like, yeah, you, you are, you're dealing with the emotional, psychological, uh, uh weight of being an entrepreneur, that shit heavy. You definitely need a space to process that, you need a space to make momentum with that and that is over here. And then you have business stuff. When you start to confuse these two, you don't move and you are not. It's not necessarily true. You know like you can get a lot of things done from a place, even when you're dealing with imposter syndrome because's data.
Speaker 2:What do I need next? How do I do it? Someone's already done it. How did they do it? I'm gonna experiment with that, I'm gonna try it and like the thing is really, I swear this is like one of the best things you could do shorten the time between idea and execution. The shorter that becomes, the faster you learn. The faster you learn, the faster you grow. But people stay in that space of I don't know. I'm not sure what. What should I think about? It's like execute, figure out what the next win you need to the best of your ability, figure out the best next step for that and then do it and learn from it. Don't take so much time thinking about it.
Speaker 2:So the stories to answer your original question, the stories that you are telling yourself, really factor into that. So the story I tell myself now and it took a while the story I tell myself now is I'm not the keeper of time. I always want to move faster. The world we are in just like puts that into our brains. We, like I don't know if we cannot feel that pressure we all want to move faster. I know billionaires that want to move faster to what they've accomplished so much. You know like. So it's like it's just ingrained in us. I don't even know if it really matters, it's just in us to do that.
Speaker 2:But the story I tell myself is that, one, I'm not the keeper of time. Two, I did all the work I needed to do to know that this is the mission that I want to be on and there's really nothing else I would rather be doing, and I know that. Okay. So if those two things are true, then I'm on the right track. I don't control the speed. So then what's the third thing that gets me over?
Speaker 2:The pain of all of that is that I know there's a lot of power in doing this journey, the way that I'm experiencing it publicly, Because there's a bunch of other people out there who also want to move faster, who also have kids at home and trying to figure it all out, you know, who also are working from their closet.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Like I know there are other people out there like this, so if I can share that, some of the things that may make that I could be using as a negative story to myself, right? The negative version of that same circumstance in terms of a story I tell myself is I don't, I'm not really moving that fast, my business isn't really a big deal. I don't really know if I'm even gonna make it. I probably shouldn't tell people what I'm doing because it's not very inspiring and I'm not one of those people who has gotten to that height that I've imagined. And so it's the exact same story Instead. I mean it's the exact same circumstance. Instead, the story is I can be an inspiration because I'm doing this for real with the conditions that so many other people have to do it in, and I'm not going to let that stop me yeah, I almost hear you saying that like.
Speaker 1:I think so many women are like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, and they have all of this imposter syndrome. And what I have found to be true is that the ingredients for like overcoming fear and imposter syndrome and that like feeling of like feeling stuck, this like I don't know where to go and I can't move and I'm not making progress, is not actually this massive like I've got this, this it's, it's being an integrity, it's here's where I am, here's where I'm going, here's where I'm going, here's the direction that I feel very clear and good about, and then allowing other people to witness that.
Speaker 2:And just take the next step. You don't have to have it all figured out. Literally no one does. Yeah, this is the very next win that you need. Yeah, do it. Yeah, and it doesn't mean you don't give yourself time for reflection and processing and all of that Of course you do, but that is on a separate timeline. Then your next thing you need to do for your business and you can do both at the same time and they may not feel like they're going at the same pace.
Speaker 2:Full of you know who you are, you feel so encouraged, but the business is like creeping alone. And then sometimes you feel like the business is starting to go and you feel like, oh my God, I don't even know what I'm doing. I feel like an imposter. So it's like those things are not always moving at the same pace.
Speaker 2:The best days they're in sync, the best days they are in sync is great, but there's a lot of factors in our lives, right? We? You know, like we were just talking, like my kids are sick this week. If I haven't had enough sleep, if I'm not feeling well, hell, if I'm on my period, like come on. You know like there are things that come up that make you feel off your game. So your emotional experience being in sync with, like, exactly where you want to be with your business, those are just great days, those are wonderful seasons, but they're not going to be your everyday experience. So I think just having a really good sense of where am I headed on this track, where am I headed on this track, and then just like allowing space for both of those things can keep you from procrastinating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, in so many women they're. They're procrastinating because they're dealing with perfectionism. You're not. You're not delaying because you don't know what to do. You're delaying because you don't think you can do it perfectly or at the speed that you want.
Speaker 1:And I see this a lot with mom entrepreneurs is they. They're really good at the ambition, they're really good at running hard and fast and like being successful, and then, all of a sudden, motherhood happens and they're like oh shit, like. This is where this is where rubber meets the road, where you have to learn that motivation and momentum might look a lot less. Hit the gas and then go 90 miles an hour for however long you had babies, like, a lot of times it just looks different and there's more stopping and starting. But what you just shared of what like, what can you do today towards the right direction, right, like. It doesn't have to just be this discipline, it can be this devotion to of what can you do today towards the right direction, right, like. It doesn't have to just be this discipline, it can be this devotion to. I believe in what I'm building and even on days where I'm luteal or I got a sick kid or I can honor where I'm at and who I am in my integrity, I can honor my being and my life and my motherhood and still be massively ambitious and devoted to this business that I'm creating, like both of those things matter, and there are certain times where I have to trust myself to navigate my focus and what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:But I love what you were sharing about the story because it's it's like you can get evidence for one thing, but are you looking for evidence of the ways that you're doing it? Right? I think so many women where I I mean I speak for myself I can be so hard on myself where it's like I. One of my tricks when I'm being really self-critical is if I saw one of my clients doing or feeling how I'm feeling, how would I talk to them? Yeah, how would I speak to her? Because even if I was about to give her like a friendly, loving slap on the ass of like, get yourself up, pull yourself up and get it together, I would never do that out of shame, I would never do that out of criticism. I would do that as her biggest fan, saying you're underestimating yourself true Like that's.
Speaker 2:the thing we have to remember is like there are things that we know are true. Very few people pursue their dreams. Most people don't even leap. If you have taken a leap, whether you're successful or not, whether you're tired or not, whether it looks good or not, you've already done something extraordinary. That's a fact. So it's like sometimes you have to repeat those truths. Truths like this is incredible that I've done this. This is amazing that I'm, you know, like this is not hard. I mean, this is not easy, but I'm choosing to do it because I believe in the outcomes, I believe in the value. Like you just have to. You almost have to have like your script ready for yourself.
Speaker 2:One of the things I used to do and I still do it actually is do audio journals, and particularly on days. I feel like there's these days where you just I'm actually kind of having a day like that today, so it's probably helpful for this conversation but there's these days where you just you know who you are, you know what your purpose is. You just when we were just talking about those two tracks, there's days where the tracks align and on those days you are like you've never been more clear. Record yourself on that day. Record either video or audio and you're talking to yourself because you know it comes from like real deep, it comes from like a knowing, like a soul level clarity.
Speaker 2:Those days, record a video to yourself telling yourself who you really are, what your purpose really really is, why what you're doing is worth it, why you know, even though you know it's hard, here's the places you'll find strength, here's how you'll rest. And then you and then you play that for yourself when you are not, when you're off your game. And that has been one of the most helpful things for me, because it's true, it's like coming from a really true place, and so when you hear it back from yourself, you believe it, you remember you like you're right, that's true, it's a real pep talk and in my experience, one of the things I've been playing with so much in this last maybe, maybe year or so I had this like I had a really hard couple months where my hormones were off.
Speaker 1:I was experiencing like really bad PMDD and I was having these these days or weeks where I just like I could not feel like myself and I felt so low and I started playing with. What does it look like to show up with devotion and truth in that story? What happens if I don't let go of that story of who I am, even when I'm at the lowest feeling place? I don't let go of that story of who I am even when I'm at the lowest feeling place? Like what if I acknowledge the low feelings, the hard feelings that are real, not letting go of this true story of who I am and what I'm worth and what I'm capable of and that dynamic range of health of like? Now I'm not really scared of the low days Like my.
Speaker 1:I run retreats and my last retreat I was like the worst PMDD I'd ever had in years and I was like I still showed up so well for myself and for those women because I trust myself on those low days, and that came from this what, what happens if I keep, if I keep the direction of my values, even when it's going real slow and it looks like laying in bed, when it looks like listening to worship music and praying and crying, and like when it looks like those days that it doesn't look like success but truly it is, because I've had to redefine what that success looks like. So how, how do you create that movement and that momentum on those hard days? You mentioned that like that recording when you're at the high days. But what does that look like, especially when you're when you've got everything? It's like it's you, it's the kids, it's, it's like there's so much going on.
Speaker 2:That's a really good question. You know, I have low days, I struggle with depression, I have therapy, I have medication. I like to say I like to put it out there because I don't. I think it can be it can seem like I don't do any of those things. It's like nope, I'm a real person. I struggle like anybody else. I've got two kids, one six, one two. So I'm in the thick of it. Else, I've got two kids, one six, one two. So I'm in the thick of it.
Speaker 2:And I think there's a couple of things. One, just like knowing really practical stuff that helps you lift. My goal on low days is to do what I said I was going to do. Like I have, I have like a, like a. It's like the minimal you like for me on those days, the way I care for myself is by saying today is a day where my extraordinary to-do list ain't going to happen. So what? What is the thing that I must get done? Like I just I literally would look at my list and be like what are the must get done? So we're going to push the other ones off. That, partially, is one caring for myself in a day and saying I don't have to be 100% every day, right. But then also, I trust myself that when I do give myself that rest, that the day, the next day or the next, you know, whenever I'm back to myself, if I allow myself to rest, I'll have what I need. And that's a faith thing. I'll give you a perfect example so you can feel my energy in this conversation today.
Speaker 2:I had that day yesterday and it's because I had been traveling. I was doing a whole bunch of work, I worked through the whole weekend. I was just tired, you know, and so I was feeling like that yesterday and a lot of times when I'm in the low place, what makes me the most stressed is actually thinking about all the things I have to do in the future, and so one of the things that I tell myself is well, you don't have to do all that stuff today. You feel low today. In fact, you feel low this hour. You don't know how you're feeling in three hours if you get some food and have some vitamins and drink some water and take a walk, right. So I have like a I like first. I'm like looking at my I'm very practical. So it was like really like this is what I do.
Speaker 2:I look at my list, I reduce it to what's the minimal things I have to do today and I let myself be okay with that. Then I try to do a few things that just usually give me like 10% boost. I'm not trying to go for ultimate happiness. Usually on those days that's not even possible. And if I try to make that my goal, then I go crazy. So I just try to make it like I feel pretty bad right now. I just want to feel okay. Right, that's my goal, so I'm making it attainable. It's like what can make me feel okay.
Speaker 2:And for me my list is I'm going to take a walk. Did I eat today? Have I had enough water? Did I have vitamins? For real, that's like basic stuff, but usually on those days I take care of myself the least. Did I shower Right?
Speaker 2:Like as a person struggling with depression, I can talk through the real stuff, like it's the basic needs that actually get dropped the fastest on those days.
Speaker 2:So I make sure my needs are good. Then usually that'll give me like a little bit of like. Okay, I don't hate today, I'm still not having a good time, but I'm no longer falling into the abyss. And then from there. I just say I'm going to rest because I believe, I trust, that if I give my body what it needs on this day that I don't feel so good, I trust that it will give me what I need tomorrow when I need to catch up, because I ain't do that stuff today. So yesterday was that day for me. My alarm went off at 5 am this morning and I got what I needed to get done before the kids woke up to take them to school, because I trusted that I would have that when I needed it. And I did, and I and since I've been practicing that like nine times out of ten, I actually do end up having what I need to catch up. It's just like my body is the alarm, your battery's dead, it don't matter If your phone dies, you can't call nobody.
Speaker 1:So you got to put the phone in the charger and let it charge.
Speaker 2:So I just try to listen to that and trust that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are mothering yourself so well. I think women get this idea. Our culture sells us on such like bullshit, surface level self-care that like I don't even like using that phrase because it's like I know, like the women that I work with, they know how to take care of their babies. They know realistic expectations when it comes to their babies. They know that on the worst of the days they're still meeting up to those needs mean to be met. Or I can't expect that toddler to behave like that Toddler's not going to behave if they're not. And when I say behave, I mean like they can't. You know they can't or they can't.
Speaker 1:And yet, as women, I think a lot of times, especially almost like the healthier and more successful you get. I think women have this meter of like I should need less. I should have to care for me less. The healthier I get, the more successful I get, the more happy I get. And I was like I become more high maintenance the healthier I get, because the more I realized how many non-negotiable needs I used to make negotiable, yeah, but I used to make non-essential, and it was like I had to learn how do I show up for myself when I don't feel good, because I think a lot of us we don't feel good and then we just spiral down into not feeling good, we don't care for ourselves. Well, of saying you don't feel good, here's what's going to help you feel better.
Speaker 1:And in this way of like you know, when you're talking with a friend and you're upset and they're just like they say the things that just you know, calm down, it'll all work out. And you're just like I don't want to hear that right now. But if they said like you're gonna get this, let's go get a coffee, let's go for a walk, like you know how to care for your girlfriends, what if you care for yourself that way when you're at your house? What if you gave yourself so much love and attention and affection and I think so many women, especially successful entrepreneurs, when they're mothers, I think there becomes this sense of control, like I have to figure out the right schedule, the right morning routine, the right business, and it's like, yeah, those things are really, are really all great.
Speaker 1:But like I love your, you're not the keeper of time. And especially when you become a mom, it's like I had plans, I had my day figured out and then like guess what it's I have a sick kid at home again and I got to take him to the doctor and I got to figure out who's going to watch him Thursday, when I'm supposed to be leading my next retreat. It's like there's these things that happen that are completely outside of my control, and and when you lose that control, it can feel terrifying and make women spiral versus like what is within my control.
Speaker 2:It also can feel like you should have done better. It's like what you can't not, you can't. You have nothing to do with your kid getting sick. You have to also release this idea that it was your responsibility in the first place. Yes, it was never that, you know.
Speaker 1:And I think this happens in so many areas where our life, where we just think we have this perfectionistic, god-like standards of if I just do the right thing, if I just say the right thing, and I mean I'm even. I'm experiencing this in my business right now and I know it because I've seen it in other women, so I can see it in myself, except for that, like my head's up my own ass, so like a lot of times to like call me on my bullshit Cause I'm so deep in it that I can't like I see it and I can like smell it, but I can't, like I'm stuck in it. But I'm stuck in this perfectionistic where I'm. I'm so focused on what's outside of my control dating, taking responsibility and ownership for the things that I do have impact on it's like I'm so overwhelmed with this big expectations list which I made because it's my business and I forget that sometimes it's like is my business running me or am I running my business? Is motherhood running me or am I running my motherhood? I think there's this overwhelming aspect to these two roles in my life where I have to bring myself back to this place of what is it in this day and in this moment that I'm capable of that I have capacity for. Why am I here? What is the story?
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell about it, and I think it's so easy to only look at the pretty after picture, and I do think there's on social media. It's very real. I mean, there's even in the coaching world. There's this whole debate not debate but I constantly see the advice of like don't share from an open wound, never share the messy middle. And I'm like that's the whole reason I started my business is because I remember being early on in motherhood and I'd hear everyone was sharing from their like healed scars. Well, I'm over here, like, tell me what it feels like to be in the messy middle. Tell me what it, tell me how to get there, because after you have roses about it, right, like you like, but where's the messy? Or how do you actually walk through that? But where's the messy.
Speaker 2:How do you actually walk through that? And if you, you know, it's funny because I struggled with that a lot actually at first. So I came into business through startup and like tech startups and you know, I'm just beginning and I'm figuring a lot of stuff out and it's really hard and but I'm a storyteller and I can't help but tell my story. And so I was struggling because I was like, well, now I'm in this season of my life where it's like, should I tell this part of the story right now? Because, honestly, I don't even know where it's going and I know what I'm trying to do. But it feels like, you know, I really struggled with that and I did anchor and I'm going to tell the story. And the reason why I anchored and I'm going to tell the story is because I was thinking about the people in this season need this story. And from a marketing standpoint, from a business standpoint, knowing your target audience and being able to speak to them really with empathy is a huge business benefit. And so I was like I'll do that, I'll focus on this season and I'll make my target this season. Sometimes people don't want to tell the story because their target audience and their product ain't really real, it's not what they can even sell. They don't even know that. They don't know how to do it. That's part of it too. It's like check yourself on what you're trying to sell. Do you even have it to sell? So there's that. But you can also know within you that you're heading in a direction and not feel you can work on trying not to feel the imposter syndrome by telling the story.
Speaker 2:I think the anecdote for imposter syndrome as a practice is not like a one and done, but the anecdote for imposter syndrome is telling your own story, not worrying what stories are being told about you. And so be honest with yourself and say what are the hard things about this moment? What are the things I'm still trying to figure out? What are the things I haven't figured out? Ok, those are the things that roll around in your brain and say you know you're not doing anything, you know whatever. But then what are the things I have figured out? Cause you're not where you started the same day one, what have you learned? What have you gotten better at? What have you figured out in terms of flow with your family and with business? And celebrate those things.
Speaker 2:And then, I think, now come up with a story around that, and literally you can make a story about anything, and so what's the story around that? And so in my case, like I said, my story right now is I'm showing people what it's really like to go through this experience and to do it while loving yourself, while being confident and not quitting. That's the key for me. Don't quit, keep going right. So as long as I don't quit and I keep going, my story still has, uh, power. So in those low days, I my story isn't she's gonna be the greatest, most financially, whatever with all the awards. My story is she didn't quit and she inspired others by doing that. That's the story I can keep right. So make a story that actually is true for you and anchored in um, an attainable goal, but also still powerful. If that makes sense, that makes that helps.
Speaker 1:That makes so much sense because I think so many women jump into, like the affirmations, and I'm like all that's good and great, but like, if your body doesn't believe it like you can. You can bullshit your brain, you can make your brain think things, but you can't bullshit your body Like your. Your body knows. And so if you start creating these affirmations that your body doesn't believe you, your body's where your behavior comes from, it's where your action comes from, it's what moves you, it's what stops you from moving Right. And what you just shared is like the story that is believable but still gives you energy. It's still. It's a story that has access to your agency and your worth, and I think that is such a powerful. It's such a powerful tool in any area of our lives to be able to witness what is within my control right here.
Speaker 1:And what am I going to believe on the really really good days, but also on the really really hard days, where it's harder to see, and I have to fight to see it. I have to fight to keep working towards that, because I think that's how we end up creating a new story is is we realize the direction we're headed in. And then, even on the hard days, we ask ourselves what still moves me in the right direction, what's at least, even if I don't move today, am I at least looking in the right direction, instead of just keep it so easy to go back to what we used to know and who we used to know? And this was huge in my life where I realized like I can look back a couple years, a couple years back, and be like I'm still me.
Speaker 1:Stories I tell about myself are fundamentally different and it has changed the way that I show up in so many areas of life. So this storytelling is so powerful. What other ways can women shift this story or create this story? Like you shared some really powerful questions, some prompts earlier, like what's hard right now? What feels good? What else would you say about storytelling in business or in life, like which one comes up? Yeah, um.
Speaker 2:So I think there's really three core stories that you need to be able to craft from. Some people would be two, but three max. Usually that's one what's the story you're telling yourself? So we were just talking about that a lot. The second is what is the story you're telling your customers? That was huge because obviously you had to tell your customers the story in order to sell them anything. But how do you incorporate your truth of you and who you are and where you and, like your, your emotional experience, actually into the story, depending on what your, your business is? There are ways that that will that can be incorporated. That is super empowering, and not only that is what people attach to, especially today.
Speaker 2:If you think about, like, the last time you bought any consumer product, um, you had a lot of choices. Why did you pick this one? Probably because you saw some type of marketing or you know the owner, or you've seen the owner on instagram and you're like I know their story and I really like why they made what they made and you connect with that. So the human part, the imperfect part, actually, is what a lot of times the customer is like. I remember that imperfect story. I felt seen by that imperfect story, and that's why I want to work with you. So in my case, I work with startup founders I could be telling myself a story that is well, I'm just getting started myself, how could I empower them? Instead, I'm telling myself I can empower them because I'm in the space that they're in and I'm giving it my full commitment so I can show you here's what it's like to do that, here's what happens when you do that and here's what's hard also when you're in that season. And that's actually why people end up working with me, because they're like you know what I talk to these other people, but you know, you seem like you really understand what I'm going through right now, and so I want to work with you because it feels like you know you can help me give really from where I'm at to there.
Speaker 2:It also helps reduce shame on the other side again, depending on what your product is. So in my case, I'm helping startup founders say yes, this is really hard Because a lot of times they don't feel like they can say that, because they're worried that they won't get funding or they're worried that their customers won't believe in their product or whatever, and so I'm helping them actually have that space to be a human, and then that actually is helping me sell more. So it's actually really empowering, because the same thing you need, like empathetically, the same thing you need in terms of caring for yourself, because the same thing you need like empathetically, the same thing you need in terms of caring for yourself, the same things you need somebody to say it's okay, it's all right, so today, and if you can do that with them, it's so genuine and it comes from a real place and it gives you real energy, because now everything is starting to align, you know, and and, and it just takes the work of going through. So the mechanisms are what's always been true about you? That's the question I always ask people when we start working on their story, their customer story.
Speaker 2:What is something that's always been true about you? And almost always, if you're a business owner, that actually connects all the way through to the moment you became an entrepreneur. Almost always it's like what we were talking about I'm a rebel, I'm a troublemaker. You know like it starts from there and it goes to here. You know, or some experience you had or someone you know, you've witnessed them go through something and it really impacted. You like start with that and then you continue to um, really figure out what the attributes are around who you are and why, and then how does that incorporate into your brand.
Speaker 2:So I like to coach people as early entrepreneurs, because when you got big corporation it's not always the same. But at this stage, when, if it's your first company, if you are a solopreneur or you got a really small team and you've only been in business for a few years or less, at that point you are coming from a place that is deeply personal. So figure out how you can tell that whole story and it will keep you going and it will keep your customers coming back. So I think that's that's a really key part. Also, have a one day bootcamp on this which is on demand, so you can actually just do that.
Speaker 1:Your traction camp is amazing. I got to like witness the like mini part of it at that VIP mentorship event and then, like I got to experience like the traction camp when it was longer, I'll probably do your one day one again, because it's so what I? What I love about the work that you do is that you, you do the deep work, but you all do. You also have this side of it where it's like there's there's deep stuff and I I do a lot of deep coaching. I do a lot of deep like healing work.
Speaker 1:But also there's times where I'm like this isn't that deep, you just need to take some action. There's like some literal strategy. A mom will be like, okay, this is not that deep. Like you literally just need tangible actions and clarity around what you're doing, because those two things have to go hand in hand, right, the like deeper human relationship side of our business or who we are, or even our mental, emotional, emotional health. And then there's just like the taking action and having simple, easy strategy of here's what I do here's what I do.
Speaker 2:It's the yes. And if we go back to the motherhood, um, um, example is perfect, right? Who in the world has a newborn baby that feels like they know what they're doing? Nobody. The first time, the first kid, you're just like what has happened to me.
Speaker 2:First of all, I'm still hurting, I don't know what's going on. Can I make enough milk? They say, if I'm stressed, I can't make enough milk. But I'm stressed about being stressed and I'm trying to. You know, it's just chaos, right?
Speaker 2:So there's, it's a perfect metaphor, because when you become a mom, you don't know what's going on. You're overwhelmed, you are sleep deprived, everything I mean in terms of your. If there's a dashboard, right, all your stuff is in the red, everything right, but you still make change that diaper, you still figure out breastfeeding. If you don't figure it out, you get some formula. You figure out the right formula for your baby. If your baby is colic which mine was, which is the worst you still get through all those days.
Speaker 2:I mean, what I'm saying is a business is very similar. How you feel does matter, and you do need to address that, right. I had postpartum. It does matter and you do need to address that, right. I had postpartum, it does matter, and you need to go change that diaper. You can't let the baby just sit there, right, you have to still care for this baby. So you're constantly doing both and that's the hard part. And again there are days where you're like, oh, I love my babies, everything's so great, I have patience. I didn't so great, I have patience. I didn't get mad, I didn't yell, I walked them through it. I was gentle parenting and I feel good about it. And rah, rah, rah, but you know that ain't every day. But them kids still gonna grow up.
Speaker 1:So like I think that's the maturity part of it is realizing that nothing is Pinterest and neither is business.
Speaker 1:No, no, and I think I why I love conversations like this and getting in rooms where women are telling stories the stories are so much different, especially when, when you're not erasing humanity and you're not creating this pedestalized version of success. Because I think so many, so many of us, we, we have this pedestalized version of success where our humanity won't exist, like this balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship, where, like, everything always goes perfectly or smoothly. Or, you know, I came into business thinking if I could just do these 10 steps that my mentor just gave me, and then I did those 10 steps and they didn't work and I was like, well, what's wrong with me? Versus this, like, oh, it's on a journey, I'll figure it out. I don't have it yet, but I'll be able to find my way If I can stay in this place of self-trust, like I hear that theme in you, a lot of your journey, of trusting yourself on what you're doing, and that really sounds like it's key to having that momentum, to having that traction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, traction is defined in a million ways, but I think it's really just continuing to make steps forward and remember what you learn. People don't be remembering what they learn. Like, six months later you're trying that same thing you did six months ago and it didn't work six months ago. Why are you still doing it? Try something else, do something else, do conduct experiments, take the scientific process and believe it. It's actually very effective. So then, if you do that, then you're continuously learning and growing and then the momentum will be a byproduct of your consistency and your commitment to yourself. Right, like it is not, it's not manufactured in a lab. Momentum is like working out. You ain't got to feel like it, you don't. You don't even always have to enjoy it, but you will appreciate it and you will be healthier, right, I think it's like the feel goods are so wonderful and I love them. I'm a creative. I can live my whole life off creative inspiration and let that be all I ever pursued. But I can tell you this journey is not just that, and it's like I said, it's just the same as with children, like, oh my gosh, gosh, it's definitely not that. But, yeah, you have these beautiful children and they look so cute and when I took mine to school today, they had on matching outfits and I just loved it. I had to take pictures of them and it was just so beautiful. You know like you will still get those moments and it will be worth it. Um, but you'll also have to be tough and and buckle up and care for yourself, and this is the last thing I'll say about that.
Speaker 2:Because of the care, I feel like I've been having an aha moment recently that I feel like is worth sharing, and that is I'm really bad at taking care of myself. Naturally, some people are not. Some people they will take, they will rest and they won't work, and they got to motivate themselves to work. I will work and not rest. That's my default.
Speaker 2:What I have been learning is I have to put rest on my calendar. I cannot wait for the moment for me to feel like now I can rest. I never feel like that. I always feel like there's one more thing, I'll just do this, one more thing, and then I one more thing myself to 1am. So I have learned the way I rest is by looking ahead and say, wow, that's going to be a really busy week. The two days after that, I am going to block my calendar in advance. No one can book time because I know that I'll need that. You know things like that, like pre, like anticipating moments of pause, and it doesn't have to be a vacation. It could be like that afternoon I'm going to take it slower or I'm going to push out my deadline when I commit One more week, just so that I don't feel that like if you're bad at pacing yourself, then just know that you are. So every time you let a deadline come out of your mouth or you write it down, add some days, yeah.
Speaker 1:Help yourself. What you said is so good because I think so many people think that, like, healing or growth is going to happen when they like out, heal their humanity, like they're going to get rid of it, and I'm like no, no, no, you don't get rid of it, you just get onto yourself about it. You start witnessing. You don't get rid of it, you just get onto yourself about it, you start witnessing. Oh, that's my pattern. I have the agency to choose something different. Oh, this is what I tend to default to, but that's actually not how I want to show up anymore. What else could I do this way? Like, that's where, like that deep work, super great, but also, you don't have to live in this hyper fixation of like, when am I going to get rid of the fact that I'm always overworking versus like, how do I slow down and stop overworking? How do I create the doing? Yeah, it's who I want to be and how.
Speaker 2:I want to. What deadline am I going to tell someone today? That's probably already setting me up for stress. Like the most practical thing, like how can you do it? Today? You know, like, right now, you have a to-do list. Look at it. Is it going to get done by Friday? Does that feel realistic? Is that a? Is that a sustainable pace that you have created for yourself? If it's not, is it because there's something really big that's happening very soon and it's worth it? Cool, I support that.
Speaker 2:If this is just your average week, though, what is that on this list that needs to come off? What should be slower for you to actually enjoy the experience? Those are the things that I am not good at when I'm thinking ahead usually, but I'm learning to have these little moments of like check-in. So today, you know, like if I have a deadline that I'm saying, okay, we're going to do it by this day, I'm like, okay, stephanie, you know how you do this, let's pad this a little bit, let's put a little cushion in there, let's you know, and then those things become habit. Over time, I believe We'll find out.
Speaker 1:We do, because one day, all of a sudden, you realize that that becomes your new default, because it's a new pattern and it's not that you still don't have the same, the same old stuff, but you, you've learned how to be on to it and you've created a new relationship to it. It's like this part of you understands there's other jobs that can do right. Like have you seen? Um, what is the movie? The surface pressure, the older sister, do you know? And kanto, and kanto, oh, yes, okay, the older sister in the song.
Speaker 1:It's like if I had space, like what would I do with all of this space and time if I didn't have to control and carry all of this heavy weight? It's's like, yeah, learns that it has. There's other parts of you it can trust. It's like you, you start learning how to trust your ambition and also how to trust You're like I just can I lay in bed and take a minute? Like can I be really present in this moment? You learn how to trust both of those parts. Instead of being so, we can get really unbalanced either way. But what if you can trust both of those parts and notice when it's appropriate for them to show up and when it's appropriate for them to like simmer down.
Speaker 2:Now, you know yeah, and release this idea that like there's some trophy at the end, like it's not, yeah, where?
Speaker 2:are we everybody got different philosophies on life, but for me it's like the point of life is to experience it. Yeah, so it our. Our conclusions, as far as I'm concerned, are the same. Right like we all, we all go out the same way and we there may be things that happen after that. Whatever that, I'm not even dealing with that right now. I'm talking about life on earth as far as we understand it. The conclusion is the same. So the experience, to me, is the point. You can't outwork, you can't outperform, you can't achieve your way into, like, living forever. So what is this destination that you are even imagining? The destination is the ground. So, now that we know that it's Tuesday, have a good time.
Speaker 1:I freaking love that we're gonna just end there. Where can people find you? I'll share your Instagram. Is there anyone where else where you would send people um?
Speaker 2:I would love to send people to, uh, my website, which I'll give you the link, because there's a link I have specifically for you for Traction Camp. I would love to tell people Traction Camp. Traction Camp is a one-day boot camp for you to work on your story, and you work on your customer story, which incorporates your own personal story. You also work on a story you want to tell to investors or funders, because there's a different version of the story that they need to hear as well, and it really just helps you work through all of that and you actually come out with a full story. So we'll get the link for attraction camp, but that's what I'd love for people to go check out. Other than that, I'm on all the socials and trying my best to keep people to not quit, and I'm not quitting either.
Speaker 1:So we do that together. I love that and you're doing a good job of that Cause. That is exactly how I feel when, like, you posted a story and it was like send this to someone who needs to not quit, and I was like, can you DM this to me so that I know, like you're for sure sending it to me, but I'm going to pretend that you're sending it to me. I, I just have to add this really fast your, your stories for traction camp. My brain was going to like this also applies for motherhood. This also applies for marriage. And I'm like your customers, now your kid, what's the story you're selling them on? And I was like, Ooh, this is good, Just going to like throw that out there. I just got chills when you said that Like that's, that's like yeah.
Speaker 1:When you were sharing it. You're like whoa traction camp could be used for? Like I have women working through like relationships right now where I'm like, ooh, what is this story? You're telling yourself, what's the story you're selling them and I was like this is a good framework.
Speaker 2:I will take that. I love frameworks too, so I will take that Like it was really me trying to figure out how and I'll just say this like I'm really set on figuring out ways to really empower early doing and how can I make that framework available to people so that they can replicate it? And that's a better business model. You know, in that, in that early stage.
Speaker 1:You're doing it and thank you so much. This was such a fun podcast. Thank you, I had such a good time. Thanks for joining me on today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. Make sure you have subscribed below so that you see all of the upcoming podcasts that are coming soon.
Speaker 1:I hope you take today's episode and you take one aha moment, one small, tangible piece of work that you can bring into your life to get your hands a little dirty, to get your skin in the game. Bring into your life to get your hands a little dirty, to get your skin in the game. Don't forget to take up audacious space in your life. If this podcast moved you, if it inspired you, if it encouraged you, please do me a favor and leave a review. Send an episode to a friend. This helps the show gain more traction. It helps us to support more moms, more women attraction. It helps us to support more moms, more women, and that's what we're doing here. So I hope you have an awesome day, take really good care of yourself and I'll see you next time.
