Pleasure, sex, and peeing: Pelvic Floor Health with Julie Wallace

Ever wonder what is normal, what is not, and when to get help with the pelvic floor as a mom? Join me and expert Julie Wallace, a dedicated pelvic floor physical therapist and owner of Insight Pelvic Health. Join us as Julie shares her wealth of knowledge on the vital role the pelvic floor plays in so many areas of health, wellness, and movement. Through personal stories and candid discussions, we unravel common misconceptions, issues, and ways you can have more comfort, less pain, not peeing yourself, and more pleasure in sex and intimacy. Let’s talk sex, orgasms, intimacy, and changes postpartum- and how to support yourself through the changes in desire and sensation that come alongside motherhood in so many areas of our lives. 

We tackle pressing topics like pelvic floor dysfunction and its surprising links to issues such as foot and knee pain. If you’ve experienced pain during sex, you pee a little when you jump or move, or pee all the time-it’s crucial to know: it’s not normal. Julie provides insights on how addressing these concerns can significantly enhance your sexual enjoyment and overall function and wellness. 

Focusing on postpartum changes, we break down myths surrounding pelvic floor exercises and underscore the need for early intervention, whether following vaginal or cesarean deliveries, to improve quality of life and physical activity.

We also delve into the multifaceted nature of pelvic floor pain, exploring both physiological and psychological factors contributing to discomfort. From cultural influences to personal boundaries, Julie and Becca will guide you in understanding your body’s signals and emphasize the importance of feeling safe and supported, especially in the postpartum period.

Whether you're a mother yearning to reconnect with your sensuality or simply curious about pelvic health, this episode offers thoughtful perspectives and practical tips to empower your journey toward enhanced well-being. Tune in and take the first step towards embracing your pelvic power!

Our bodies, our pleasure, our boundaries, and our capacity all change alongside pregnancy, birth, and motherhood and pelvic floor health is a part of healing and finding a new normal of health.

About Julie:
Dr. Julie is a pelvic floor physical therapist who helps people with the 4 P’s: Peeing, Pooping, Penetration, and Pain at her clinic Insight Pelvic Health. She is passionate about helping people feel in control of their pelvic floors so they can live their best lives.

Find Julie:
Website
Instagram

The workshop Julie and I are Hosting:
Let's Talk About Sex Workshop 10/25

Join us next time as we continue to explore the multifaceted journey of motherhood.

Thank you for tuning in to The Motherhood Mentor. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us.

Stay connected with us on social media and share your thoughts and experiences tagging @themotherhoodmentor

Chapters

• 0:02 Understanding Pelvic Floor Health
• 10:46 Sexual Health and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction
• 18:53 Exploring Pelvic Floor Pain and Trauma
• 23:35 Navigating Safety and Sensation in Intimacy
• 33:33 Reclaiming Sensuality After Motherhood
• 40:57 Connecting to Your Pelvic Floor
• 48:19 Empowering Postpartum Pelvic Floor Workshop
• 52:05 Continuing the Pelvic Floor Discussion

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

I am so excited to have you on the podcast today. Me and Julie are laughing so hard right now because I keep yawning. And I was giggling because when I went to my first pelvic floor therapy appointment, the first thing I did was learn that I was breathing completely wrong. And so I'm giggling that today we're talking and I'm probably breathing wrong and that's why I'm yawning. So will you just introduce yourself to people?

Speaker 2: 0:27

Yeah well, thank you so much for having me here. I am so excited and honored to be on your podcast. I am Julie Wallace. I'm the owner of Insight Pelvic Health in Loveland, Colorado, and I am a pelvic floor physical therapist. I've been doing I've been a physical therapist since I got my license in 2013,. But I fell in love with pelvic floor therapy when I was a student, so back in 2010. So I say that I've kind of been dabbling in it since then, but I absolutely love it. This is my big passion and I just love getting the word out there. I wish more people knew about it.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Well, and I'm certainly on purposefully, but now purposefully getting the word out about pelvic floor. And I laugh because for four retreats, at least one of my clients at a retreat would bring up something about pelvic floor, something that they heard, something that they learned. And finally I think it was at one of the like fourth retreats or something someone said something about it and I was like wait, that's pelvic floor. And I was like, okay, I'll go to this person that you've been telling me to. So for people who might not know what is the pelvic floor and why is it so important, especially like for moms, tell me a little bit.

Speaker 2: 1:47

So the pelvic floor is basically the area of the body between the ribs and the knees, so, like even people with back pain or hip pain, a lot of the times it can actually be coming from the pelvic floor.

Speaker 2: 2:02

Um, and so the pelvic floor is some people call it the pelvic diaphragm or the pelvic hammock, and so it kind of looks like a hammock of muscles that goes from your pubic bone back to your tailbone, and it's made up of many, many muscles, both internally and externally, and its job is in holding things up, so holding up your organs in closing, to help so you don't leak urine or pass gas when you don't mean to, and also in sexual function. And so in order for all those three things to be healthy and happening properly, the pelvic floor muscles have to be healthy as well. But it also, like your pelvic floor, helps you move. The pelvis itself is in the middle of your body, so anytime you're moving your legs, that's help happening from the pelvis, and anytime even you move your arms, that's also help it happening from the pelvis. And anytime even you move your arms, that's also help it happening from the pelvis. If your pelvis is it stable or supported, then even just raising your arm up can be really difficult.

Speaker 1: 3:17

I had no idea it was that big of a part of our body. It is, yes, and no one talks about it. Yeah Well, and even you know, I'll just share my experience with pelvic floor. So after Bert, I feel like you know, let's see, it was a couple years ago, maybe not that long ago, and I didn't have any of the big symptoms that would. That would make me think, oh yes, I should go to pelvic floor therapy.

Speaker 1: 3:42

Like I wasn't constantly peeing myself, it was just a little leakage here and there and I was like, eh, it doesn't really bother me, I just don't really do jumping jacks anyways, or I don't do jump roping often, or little things. Where it wasn't stopping my life. I wasn't having extraordinary pain, I didn't feel like anything was debilitating and I remember I was talking with one of one of these many clients, slash friends about pelvic floor and I said you know, it's not in hinging on my life, but I wonder if it could feel better. And I was having some like lower back pain. I was having some things going on in my body and I was like you know what would it hurt?

Speaker 1: 4:22

And at my first pelvic floor appointment, just talking about like, oh, I pee all of the time and I was like I never thought of that being a pelvic floor thing. I just thought I have to go pee all the time and I didn't. And my friend pointed it out at the concert of, like wow, you, you've had to leave to the bathroom a lot. And I was like right, isn't that weird. I just have a small bladder, but it turns out no, I didn't. So anyways, without getting into like my whole history of my pelvic floor health, I just had to share this, like what are some of the signs and symptoms? Because I think so many women, if they're not having extraordinary amounts of pain or inconvenience, they might not get help or support. But do you think pelvic floor health is something that everyone could use? Because that's what I'm starting to think.

Speaker 2: 5:11

Yes, I wish that pelvic floor therapy was similar like going to the dentist, in that like, once you reach a certain age which I would say like maybe young 20s ish, or like the age that you are when you get your first pap smear that maybe you also go to a pelvic floor therapist and just have things checked out, make sure everything is okay, functioning properly, and then you don't necessarily wouldn't necessarily need to go every six months, but you know, like, make it a more regular thing. I actually recently had a gal. She's awesome, she has 10 kids, she birthed them all, um and so she came to me. She's like I don't have any symptoms, I just want to make sure that my pelvic floor is okay. And so I checked her pelvic floor and it was awesome. It was strong, the coordination was good, the endurance of the muscles was good, um, her the way that her breath was moving with her pelvic floor was really good, so everything was great. So I was like her the way that her breath was moving with her pelvic floor was really good, so everything was great.

Speaker 2: 6:05

So I was like, yep, you're good to go. But I was like, just because of your history and she's was about to enter kind of perimenopause time. I was like, why don't you come back in a year and we'll just check to see how things are? Well, sure enough, she came back in a year and at this point she actually had a prolapse, and a prolapse is when one of the organs so either the bladder, the uterus or the rectum falls down into the vaginal canal, and it's not normal, it's not supposed to happen, but it can happen, especially after having kids, and so a year later she started to have the beginning stages of a prolapse, but she still didn't have any symptoms, and so it was awesome because we were able to get it right away, and so I was able to give her all the things that she can do right then and there, so that it didn't get to the point where she needed surgery.

Speaker 1: 7:01

Yeah Well, and even just I'm thinking of, like anytime you've carried a pregnancy or given birth, any type of birth, you know, I'm assuming all types of birth are deeply impacting that entire area and nobody really talks about how to repair and heal that, especially in a culture that is all about like snapping back to before baby. When it's like, how do you like your, your whole body is different, and I think I've talked to so many women who it's like it feels like their whole soul and emotions and brain and everything feels different. Peeing, pooping, sex, especially right Like all of those things can feel so different. So what are some of the? I mean one I feel like everyone should probably go see pelvic floor therapy. But what are the? What are, like the signs or symptoms that something might be going on for you?

Speaker 2: 8:01

So like you said. So, even if you haven't had kids, but if you do feel like you're peeing all the time, like I used to say, oh, my bladder is small. My friends hate it taking a road trip with me because I had to be every 30 minutes and turns out my bladder is not small, because everyone's bladder is the size of your own fist and the bladder can expand to three times that size no matter what. So no one's bladder is small, but it might feel small because the pelvic floor muscles are not firing properly or are too tight. And so if you're peeing all the time, and even that even relates to women who are pregnant, during pregnancy, women are like, oh, I'm pregnant, of course I have to pee every 10 minutes. I'm like, no, no, no, no. It should not be that way. Your, your baby, like, yes, can be putting some pressure on the bladder, but in general, there should still be a fair amount of room for the bladder to fill up. And so if whoever is peeing all of the time, that is an indication of like, get your pelvic floor checked um any sort of leaking. So the reason I got into it I was in my young 20s, before I had kids, and I like got out of my car one time when I arrived home and I had to pee, so bad, and I just like totally peed my pants, like right then and there, and I was like 21, 22, somewhere around there, and I just thought it was normal. I was like, oh, bible woman, of course I pee my pants, like that's fine. Um, well, it's not. It's actually a pelvic floor thing and it can totally be fixed. Um, it doesn't matter if that happens before you have kids, after you have kids, not normal. Same with tailbone pain. Like if you have this tailbone pain which can be from a fall, like you can totally fall on your tailbone, but if it doesn't go, if the pain doesn't go away, that is an indication that your pelvic floor muscles need to be worked on. Any sort of issues with pooping. So, like you know, if you one, if you have to strain to have a bowel movement, or if your bowel movements look like long, skinny snakes or spaghetti noodles, that's not how they're supposed to look. They should be like a good girth to them and they should look more like bananas and so, yes, so bowel movement stuff, that's a good reason to go see a pelvic floor physical therapist Any sort of like pain, like hip pain, back pain or pelvic pain good reason to see a therapist.

Speaker 2: 10:46

It's also interesting to like. I've had a few people who had foot pain and like they saw a regular physical therapist and it just was not going away. Or same with knee pain wasn't getting better and we worked on their pelvic floor and that's where their pain was coming from. Just because if your pelvis isn't properly in the right position because of a muscle pulling on it, then that can cause your foot or your knee to be in a different position. Um, so yeah, so really it's like or.

Speaker 2: 11:18

And then the big thing too is like sex, like if you have pain with sex, that is not normal. I thought it was normal because again I was like I'm a woman, I just have to put up with pain. Sex is for the men to enjoy anyways, like whatever, I'll just deal with it Right, like, no, like sex should never be painful. It shouldn't be painful on initial penetration, it shouldn't be painful on deep penetration. So that's a big indication that you should go see a pelvic floor physical therapist If you're not having orgasms also a reason to go see a pelvic floor physical therapist. You should have an orgasm. You should get to enjoy it. Just because you're a woman does not mean you do not get to enjoy sex. You should get to enjoy it, if not as much than more than your partner.

Speaker 1: 12:07

Oh my gosh, and me and you, we could go on a whole tangent. We'll, we will be going on a whole tangent about sex and pleasure, because this is something that, as I think, so many women, it's so deeply ingrained to them that they like it's not even something they think about. You know, when moms or women are talking about like oh, I don't want to have sex, it's like, well, there might be reasons why, like, if you're not enjoying it, of course you wouldn't want to. If, if it's about performing or giving pleasure to someone else, but like you don't actually get to participate and experience and feel that for yourself, of course you wouldn't want to have it. And you know, after having babies things change so much. What are some of the things that happen after we have babies with our pelvic floor and just that whole area? Like, what are some of the things that you help women with?

Speaker 2: 13:00

Yeah, so after having babies, whether you have a vaginal delivery or an abdominal delivery, your pelvic floor is 100% affected. It was affected during pregnancy because your hormones changed and those muscles were the muscles that were holding everything up, including your baby, um. But then it's also affected after. So, whether you deliver that baby out your vagina or out your stomach, those the pelvic floor muscles and the abdominal muscles have been fully affected. And so after having a baby, there's all sorts of things and a lot of women are like oh, I just have to do a thousand Kegels.

Speaker 2: 13:41

First of all side note, I do not like using the word Kegel, and the reason is is it is the only muscle contraction in the entire body that is named after a male doctor.

Speaker 2: 13:55

Every other muscle contraction is named after the muscle, so I like to call them pelvic floor contractions, but it's the exact same thing as what a Kegel is.

Speaker 2: 14:04

So a lot of women feel like they just need to do all these pelvic floor contractions when in reality, if you have a baby out your vagina, part of the muscle completely stretches to allow the head to come through and the other part of the muscle where it attaches the pubic bone or to the tailbone muscle.

Speaker 2: 14:25

Where it attaches the pubic bone or to the tailbone, that part of the muscle actually gets tight, and so a lot of symptoms that women have after having babies can actually be from the muscles being too tight rather than to what most women think loose. So a lot of symptoms that women can have are incontinence, so leaking urine, not being able to hold back gas, constipation, pain with intercourse, pain just with walking or sitting, urgency, so you're feeling like you have to pee all the time. Or when you do get the urge to pee, you have to pee right then and there. And same thing with bowel movements Leaking when you laugh, cough, sneeze, jump. Totally not normal, but that's very common after having a baby, and all of those symptoms are true for both vaginal deliveries and cesarean sections.

Speaker 1: 15:21

Yeah Well, I'm giggling to myself because I remember I went to a trampoline park with some friends and my kids and I was like I won't be myself if I'm laughing or if I'm jumping. But apparently if I'm laughing and jumping just like a little bit, and I think that's why I ignored it for so long, and I think that is something that I'm deeply passionate about talking about. For women is like what if we don't ignore signs and symptoms until we're massively night, like till we're so far in the negative or it's a lot of women will ignore it until it's impacting their productivity Right Somewhere where I was like, oh, this isn't deeply impacting me, I'm not in pain, I'm not like miserable. Where I was like, oh, this isn't deeply impacting me, I'm not in pain, I'm not like miserable. But I was like what if this could impact my life a little bit? And I was. I was so surprised at how much. I think I only had maybe four appointments. I really need to come in and see some more. But I had less back pain. I learned how to like use my glutes when I was squatting, so like I didn't expect it to help like my lifting and the way that I was like working out. I noticed I can use my core better when I'm lifting. I had no idea how to engage my core Like I thought I was, but I was not and even just breathing I was breathing completely wrong and retraining my breathing was something that I was like. This seems so crazy and yet that made such a big impact on my life and it was like if I would have waited I I'm probably someone who I would have had major issues had I not addressed it, because it would have just kept going and going and going.

Speaker 1: 17:01

And I want to come back. I want to come back to the sex thing. Let's come back to the sex thing. Let's come back to the sex thing because it's it's one of our favorite topics. Both you and I love to talk about it. We're going to do an in-person workshop for women when it comes to sex. What are the things that women can? Are there things women can do on their own if they're having pain? Like, is it a little bit? Discomfort is normal versus like pain. Like tell me more about how women would know when to see a pelvic floor therapist and like how to support themselves in that.

Speaker 2: 17:32

Yeah. So I am going to speak both from my own personal experience and also from all the continuing education courses I've taken. So all the courses I've taken, they really focus on like, yep, sex, or pain with sex and just like, oh yeah, okay, this is just quote unquote normal right. And it was just a little bit of pain upon entry that I would just kind of like brace for, breathe through it, be like, okay, that's fine right. And then once it was gone I was like, oh, I was having pain during the entire act. It wasn't that much that it bothered me quote unquote bothered me, but it was always there. And now that I don't have pain, I am very passionate to tell people you should not have pain and you do not need to have pain and it is not normal and there is absolutely something you can do for it. So no pain should be normal?

Speaker 1: 18:53

Is it coming from different things? Or is there like a common pelvic floor, like scenario that's creating pain? Or is it always different depending on the yeah, so it does come from different things.

Speaker 2: 19:05

One thing is our brain, right brains.

Speaker 2: 19:08

Our brains are amazing and they're fantastic at protecting us and so you know, if we have had an experience where we had pain, or if maybe, like, there was no like quote unquote danger experience or trauma experience, but we've just like, from the first time of having sex it was painful, and so then our brain was like, oh, it's going to be painful, that is an aspect, and so the brain goes into our protection mode.

Speaker 2: 19:42

But then there's another physiological, physical, physical aspect where the body also either maybe like needs to, the muscles literally need to be stretched. They're just like any other muscle in the body, and so maybe those pelvic floor muscles just are tight and they need to be stretched, and or maybe they need to be strengthened in a certain way, not doing pelvic floor contractions but something else, um, and so it really like, yeah, so a lot can. There's more than just like just the muscle aspect that can go into it. It could also be the bones, how your bone structure is, and maybe we need to work on that. Um, so yeah, there's a lot that can go into it, more than just like one thing, like if you do this one thing, it'll take care of all your pain. I wish it was that simple.

Speaker 1: 20:36

That would be awesome and I think you know we we deserve, even when it's not simple.

Speaker 1: 20:45

And I think you named something that I think is really powerful to talk about, and that is that, like so many women have trauma with sex, with their pelvic floor, whether that is a incident that's like a really big T trauma where we're talking like abuse or something like that, but also even just childbirth for some women, or maybe they had a painful experience or an embarrassing experience where you didn't feel comfortable, or maybe you were in a safe place but then, like, something happened that just made you feel not great and sex is such a made you feel not great and sex is such a.

Speaker 1: 21:24

It's a whole mind, body, experience, which is why it's so powerful to look at what is the physical thing happening, what's like happening in your biology, in your muscles and in your veins, and then also what's happening in your brain and in the body that is unconscious and the thing that's happening without you even knowing, because I can only assume there's so many women who have not had any loving care toward that area at all, yet alone after something traumatic has happened, where they said, like I wonder how this area of my body is holding or feeling, or you know, in my experience with somatics, your body is holding or feeling.

Speaker 1: 22:00

Or you know, in my experience with somatics, your body is holding trauma. Your body holds restriction and it also holds access to pleasure and release and rest, and so much about sex and even just going to the bathroom is about being able to relax, being able to feel safe, being able to feel in your body what feels good and how it feels good. Can you talk a little bit about how you help women understand how to orgasm, how to like, feel safe, to have sensation Like. What is that experience from the pelvic floor aspect?

Speaker 2: 22:37

Yeah, absolutely. And before I get to that, I just want to touch on a little bit about something that you said about that, like it could be a big T or a little T, and I mean honestly, like after now potty training my own children, I really am convinced that, like even potty training, how you were potty trained, that can be be traumatic without you even remembering it or without you knowing. And so I do just want to honor what you said and just like you don't have to have this exact incident where you knew, oh yes, this one time, this one thing was traumatic and that explains it. Being a woman in this culture, right, Walking around, getting cat, called whatever, that can be traumatic where your pelvic floor is protecting you and it goes into this protection mode.

Speaker 1: 23:31

Yeah Well, let's stay on this for a minute, because I think it's really important. And so many women, I think, only see instances of black and white abuse, rape, whatever name you want to call it, of someone penetrated me without my permission or it was forced. And what a lot of women aren't talking about is that a lot of women have experiences in relationship with very healthy, well-intended, well-meaning men, and I and I've heard this more and more and more through my practice, through a lot working with many, many women is that, like even with their own husbands, who have no wrong intent, who only want the best for them, there are moments where they are breaking their own boundaries or they're. They don't feel like they're allowed to say no or that they should say no. They have convinced themselves that this is what a good wife does, this is how a good wife acts, this is how a good wife has sex, and so much of that is cultural.

Speaker 1: 24:32

A lot of it can be religious, but so much of that is happening in our bodies, it's happening in our pelvic floor especially. But when you look at sex, we have to be able to talk about these things of. Can you feel in your body this? Do I want this or do I not want this? And how do I want this Right? Because or you know, I don't want this but I want to want this Right.

Speaker 1: 24:57

That's one of those things in. You know, I work with some women who are they're just coming after that postpartum and they have toddlers and they're like I want to want to feel sexual, I want to feel sexy, I want to have this desire again, but like I don't even feel that part of myself anymore which I could get on a whole rant on that. But I want to stay on this for a minute of like feeling your body and feeling that permission and that safety. And I really do think that pelvic floor can be a beautiful part in that, especially when you're receiving loving, caring, safe treatment where you can support what's happening in your body, both physiologically and emotionally.

Speaker 2: 25:49

Yes, absolutely 100%. And we, like we have very I very intentionally have made our clinic look the way it does, in that I did not want it to feel like a medical office. For that exact reason, I wanted people to feel safe and comfortable here and not like they were going to a medical appointment, because that is so important I haven't cognitively put the name on, like the medical trauma that we can often experience in that area.

Speaker 2: 26:12

Yep, yeah, yeah, so there, yeah, there is so much there and it is so. And so what we tell our people when they come to us is we say we tell them what we want to do and what we recommend doing. And we say, at the end of the day, this is your appointment and you are a hundred percent in control. And there are some women that are like yep, that's fine, you can do internal work on me, but their face, the facial expressions and their body are not telling us that it's okay and we, we absolutely like, we are trained to see that and to recognize that and we will then be like, you know, we're going to stick with external today and because it is so important, because, exactly like you said, like being a woman, we're like oh, it's fine, I just need to push through this Right. Yes, even when we feel no, exactly, and it's like our bodies know, our bodies know if we're not safe, our bodies know if, if it's not feeling OK, and we need to respect that.

Speaker 1: 27:21

If, if it's not feeling okay, and we need to respect that I just I'm feeling so much like gratitude and love that you have.

Speaker 1: 27:33

You have practitioners who are trained to see that and to know that and to respect that, because I think just that for so many women, they might not even know it on the on the surface, but it is teaching their body something, without you even having to say it of I can notice you and I'm going to honor you, even if you're not ready to say it which is just so, so powerful. So I think one of the things we're getting at is just that safety, that security, that ability to even I mean, I can even feel it in my body as we've been talking like our bodies respond by restricting, by bracing, by keeping something out or protecting ourselves or hardening, and that's so often what happens to so many women. And I'm guessing you know I don't know the pelvic floor side of this, but I'm guessing that has a lot to do with preventing I don't know if preventing is the right word blocking or stopping pleasure, because safety has to be a part of that.

Speaker 2: 28:32

Absolutely yes, and pleasure definitely comes from physical things, right? So the muscles have to be healthy, um, the area around the clitoris, in order to have an orgasm, the area around the clitoris, if you most, most women, have clitoral orgasm, so that's what I'm going to talk about, but the area around the clitoris needs to have good mobility in order for the clitoris to expand so you can have an orgasm. In order for the clitoris to expand so you can have an orgasm, um, and at the same time, so those physical things need to happen, and at the same time, your mind also needs to be on board. And so, in order for your mind to be on board, it has, your brain has to know that you're safe.

Speaker 2: 29:17

Well and so go ahead. I was yeah, I was just going to say so in turn. In order to feel pleasure, you have to have that both physical safety, feeling and mental safety feeling as well.

Speaker 1: 29:31

Yeah Well, and creating that safety sounds like a really good first step. Like, let's say, you're postpartum, how how can women create that safety in their body if they're not currently experiencing it from, like the pelvic floor stance? Like, how, how do you create that or find that in your body if that's not something you've experienced?

Speaker 2: 29:52

Yeah, so, especially like if you had a traumatic birth or delivery, you know that's your body is not going to feel necessarily safe when it has touch to the pelvic floor area and so, like starting with, maybe your partner gives you a upper um, upper neck massage or upper back massage, right, so it doesn't necessarily have to start in the pelvic floor, it can start somewhere else first. And then I really encourage women, if they are comfortable with it, to have the safety by themselves first before entering another person, because you know yourself the most. You know what you yourself are going to do to you yourself. So that's where it 100% can feel safe, because if you experience pain, you know that you're feeling pain and you will stop If it feels okay, you know and you can continue without having to communicate that to a second person.

Speaker 1: 31:04

Yeah Well, and it's creating this new self-trust and relationship of even just sensor, sensorly, sensorially I don't know how to say that word as you're, you're connecting to the sensation of what's happening, which, from like a somatic and like the mind body coaching that I help women with, is so much of an orgasm, so much of pleasure, so much of, if you think of joy or even just connection, intimacy it doesn't even have to be sex so much of that is coming from your sensation connecting to what does this feel like? What is? Is it light, is it tickly, is it heavy, is it throbbing? Is it throbbing in a good way or a bad way? Like, do you feel tingles in your chest? Do you feel safety in your back? Like actually connecting to the sensory experience that your body is having and I love what you said, too, about like starting slow, slow, like integrating it, like this is one of the big things we do in somatics, too is like if there's something that's really activating you, is there a way that you can give yourself just like a small piece of that? So, instead of just like trying to jump into something that feels terrifying or really doesn't feel good, it's like can you start slow, can you build back up, and that's such like a great piece of advice, I think, especially for moms postpartum, who are trying to like really figure out their bodies, their sexuality, but really even yeah, their bodies and their sexuality are so deeply in touch with, like, what can you do for your body that's sensory, that doesn't have to be sexual music, books, baths, skincare, hugs, kissing, massages that don't turn into sex at first, like giving yourself permission of? Can you give yourself this time to buy yourself or with someone else to enjoy, to enjoy to just be in your body and not just in your head?

Speaker 1: 33:07

I think so many women are like I don't have time or I'm exhausted after the day, and it's like, exactly exactly, you deserve to be able to get out of your head and out of this. I have to do something for everyone else. And it's like what if this part of you got to be a place where you explored? This is how I take care of me, or this is how I receive love, this is how I give myself time and space. But again, this isn't really something people talk about. People either talk about not having it and never being in the mood, and then women are like, okay, well, I guess this is just fine, or they're just like super horny and they don't really feel like they need help. Versus, there's so many women in this huge gap between like I want to want to or I want to, but it's not feeling good. It's not feeling the same as it was before babies, right.

Speaker 2: 34:01

Yeah, absolutely yeah, and it really is like. So I actually went to a talk by an oncologist doctor, so she always she's like, it's like going to the gym, right, like you might not want to go, but usually after you go to the gym you're usually always glad you went. And once you start going to the gym more regularly, then your mind and your body starts craving it, and so I really like that. Especially for postpartum women is like when you're not well, first I say 100% respect your body, your body just. But I'm like your body just grew a human for however many months, right, and then it birthed that human and if you're breastfeeding now, it's also helping sustain that human life. And if you're not breastfeeding, you're still sustaining that human's life by still feeding it, holding it, changing it right, all the things being so touched out.

Speaker 2: 35:16

So that's the first thing, as I say, okay, number one this has to be your, your call, your desire.

Speaker 2: 35:21

This has to be your, your call, your desire.

Speaker 2: 35:24

Then, if that is the case, then it's not sexy, it's not fun, but put it on the calendar, you know, decide the day it's going to happen and say, okay, every Tuesday, friday, we're going to be intimate or we're going to have sexy time or whatever, and whether that be with your partner or yourself, it doesn't matter, but it has to be scheduled, it has to be a thing that you know you're going to do so, even when you are tired, or even when something else comes up, it's like Nope, this is on the calendar, this is going to happen, because the more you do it, the more your body will start to crave it.

Speaker 2: 36:03

But if you, you know if you're putting other things first all the time, if, like, oh, it was on the calendar, but you know my kid's soccer game came up, so or it got, you know, rained out, and so now it we had to switch it, so I'll just, I just won't have that me sexy time, it's like, well, okay, maybe you don't have to do it that night, but let's do it the next night. Like, make, make it a priority so that it is there on the calendar. And it totally is different than pre-kids where you could just spontaneously, right, be in the mood and do it whatever. But once you have kids, like at the beginning, it has to be scheduled.

Speaker 1: 36:46

I'm as you were talking. I was just thinking about like how many things, how many things come up around sensuality or sex, especially when you're talking about in motherhood and in parenting. It's like you have biology, you have hormones, and then I was thinking about like birth control, like how terrifying it is to like not want to get pregnant again and so many women have that. And then you have like the actual baby who just like are they sleeping? Where are they sleeping? How are they sleeping? Or like when sex gets interrupted, like it just motherhood really just changes everything, doesn't it? Oh my gosh, 100%. And of course, it changes everything in sex too.

Speaker 1: 37:35

But especially, I think it's just one of those topics that people feel really uncomfortable talking about, or they're really they feel really good about it, so they feel great talking about it, but then it leaves this giant gap for people who are like, well, I want it to get better or feel better, but I don't really know how, like the things that used to work don't work anymore, and it can be a huge. I was going to use the word burden, that's not the word I want to use. I can't think of. It can be really hard for women to feel disconnected from that part of themselves that, even if it's not like actual sex with their partner, just that part of them that feels sensual or sexy or like fiery or spicy. A lot of women have that toned down for a while and that can be really hard. If that was big for you before babies.

Speaker 2: 38:32

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think a lot of it, you know, like you mentioned the hormone piece, right Like. So a lot of it is the hormone piece and I think a lot of it too is just in our culture, right Like, like you mentioned before, like we have this culture of like get up and go, right. So we had a baby. We were never really allowed ourself to rest because our culture tells us not to. And then, and then we're supposed to work and we're supposed to take care of the house, both full time, right, and we're supposed to take care of the house, both full time, right, and we're supposed to take care of the kids, and we're supposed to do this and this and this and this and this.

Speaker 2: 39:09

And it's like, well, of course you're not going to feel sexy or desire or anything when you're just go, go, go, go go. So one like just giving yourself space and time and to say no to things first of all and say yes to you, and also, like you know, sometimes like we need a little bit of extra something. So, like you know, if you're a reader, like I recommend reading like a raunchy romance novel, like I recommend reading like a raunchy romance novel, like see if you know if reading that maybe that helps you just get in the mood more or helps you get in touch with that part of your self again.

Speaker 1: 39:57

Well, and I want we're going to come back to the orgasm thing now, because I was like okay, so for women who and let's just name there's a lot of women before babies or after babies who want to orgasm and maybe don't feel like they can, or like not consistently, what are your tips for helping women orgasm?

Speaker 2: 40:19

Yes, okay. Well, first of all, I'm just going to yes, and I'm going to say this because I feel like no one says this. So I'm going to say this, even though I don't know if this really relates to this part. But if you haven't had a baby and you are pregnant or you are going to be having a baby just a heads up, cause no one tells you this when you are breastfeeding, when you have an orgasm, it is possible that milk will squirt out of your nipples. So no one tells you that, but it's like that happens. So, first of all, just want to throw that out there. Second of all, yeah, so having an orgasm.

Speaker 2: 40:57

So the pelvic floor muscles are a big part in having an orgasm. So, if your brain is there, but your body isn't necessarily there, it could be during delivery the muscles and or the nerves got quote unquote I don't like saying injured, but that's what I'm going to say quote, unquote injured because you just went through this huge experience. Even if your birth was a beautiful, picture, perfect birth and was not traumatic in your mind, your body still went through a lot and there's still a possibility that those muscles or those nerves, there was some sort of thing that happened to them, and if that's the case, then we need to get those muscles and those nerves firing again so that you can have an orgasm. So, but just sitting here at home, one thing that you can do to help improve your orgasm is to connect with your pelvic floor. So what I want you to do, wherever you're listening to this, I want you to get in a comfortable position, whether that be sitting, standing or lying down. But if you are sitting, I want both feet equally on the ground, so don't cross your legs. And same thing lying down and standing. So have your feet equal wherever they are. Then what you're going to do is you're going to put one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly, and I want you to as you breathe in, I want you to breathe in into the hand on your belly, and the hand on your belly should rise up as you breathe in and it should lower down as you breathe out. So I want you to take a few breaths like that, where you breathe in, have your hand rise up and then exhale, have your hand go down, and so the hand on your chest you shouldn't feel move very much, so it's mostly the hand on your belly. That's moving. So now the next step is right below the hand on your belly should be your pelvic floor. So as you breathe in now, I want you to feel the breath go down into your vagina and then, as you exhale, I want you to feel a little lift in your vagina and then breathe in, have the breath go all the way down into your vagina and I want you to feel your vagina open and then, as you exhale, I want you to feel a little lift in your vagina, and so you're going to take a couple breaths like that.

Speaker 2: 43:32

Now we're going to get a little bit more specific. So now I want you to move your hand so that it's on the top of your pubic bone. So from your stomach to the top of your pubic bone. Now you're going to breathe into that hand. So you're going to the top of your pubic bone. Now you're going to breathe into that hand. So you're going to breathe in and I want you to feel the breath go into your hand right there.

Speaker 2: 43:53

That is, right above where your clitoris sits.

Speaker 2: 43:57

So as you breathe in, you're going to breathe into that space right above your clitoris, and then, as you breathe out, you should feel your pubic bone kind of move towards your tailbone, breathe in and feel it push out, and then exhale and feel it move towards your tailbone.

Speaker 2: 44:20

So now I want you to actually visualize breathing down into your clitoris. So as you breathe in, you're going to feel your clitoris move and expand outward. And then, as you breathe out, you're going to feel your clitoris kind of do a little like nod and tuck in and then breathe in and expand outward and then exhale, nod, tuck in. So this is a drill that anyone can do anywhere. Stand outward and then exhale, nod, tuck in. So this is a drill that anyone can do anywhere. I definitely recommend doing it, just getting in a habit where you just do it before you fall asleep at night, and if it puts you to sleep, awesome. But it will just help you get more connected to your pelvic floor and that is the very first place to start when it comes to having an orgasm.

Speaker 1: 45:09

That was so good, can we clip that and like add a second. I'm like, okay, everyone saved this podcast so you can like have Julie like lead you through that. But I was like, ooh, we should. I should copy this and do a clip and then have a special podcast that they can listen to as like a meditation. I love it.

Speaker 2: 45:28

I love pelvic floor meditate, or what would you call it, an orgasmic meditation.

Speaker 1: 45:36

That is so powerful though, because I've worked with so many women who are like I don't even have sensation going on there and it's like, well, let's start connecting with sensation, not with the expectation of like, all of a sudden just being like really horny or something. It's like what, if you just start with sensation at all? Like what can you feel? Can you feel your hips? Can you feel your glutes, your stomach? Can you have some like non-sexual touch that like has no pressure or expectation? Can you take a bath and feel water on it?

Speaker 1: 46:10

Can you, when the next time you shower, can you feel the shower rain falling on it, like when you wash yourself, and like it doesn't even need, like it doesn't need to be sexual, it's just. Can you feel it? Is there an action and a relationship to this part of your body? And what I have found with women we are so in our heads that we are disconnected from anything below the neck. It's like we're disconnected from shoulders and heart and hips and legs and our backbones Oof, I have a whole thing about backbones, but I loved, I love that practice because it's so simple and yet I really do think it's profound.

Speaker 2: 46:55

Yeah, exactly, well, and I think that that's I think we forget, especially again in our society of like we, more, more, more, more is always better, right, and we forget how, how, if we take a step back and just focus on the simple thing, that that can create a strong foundation and that's where everything begins is from simplicity simplicity and slowness too.

Speaker 1: 47:20

Yeah, I really feel like that slowness creates this time for actually feeling what you're feeling and having sensation, versus just like, let's just get it over with, let's just, let's just accomplish something with which strips the relationship and the pleasure out of it, especially when you're first getting back into it, which I don't think there always has to be. Such there's so much pressure, I think there's so much pressure around all of it, and taking that off of sex or sensuality or even just feeling on fire again, I think is such a beautiful gift to women. What else? Are there? Any other things that like we didn't name or mention when it comes to pelvic floor, that you just feel like are so important to name or like?

Speaker 2: 48:11

Yeah, well that I could go on for like 10 hours about that, um, but I did want to mention, just like with what you just said.

Speaker 2: 48:19

So I have a friend, she's amazing, um, she's a personal trainer and so and she helps women. She specifically works with women postpartum so she helps them get back to whatever activity they wanna be doing right after having a baby, right. But she herself she was like I'm not having sex with my husband until at least six months. He's a big man, he can take care of himself, and I just love that. She, immediately and automatically, before even the baby was born, she set that boundary and she gave herself that permission that, like her right, those first six months postpartum were for her body to heal and for her to connect with her baby without having it in the back of her mind that she needs to like, please her husband or do anything for her husband. She's like he's a big boy, he can take care of himself. And I was like I love that right, and so I do think like just giving yourself permission to do what is right for you is so important that's so good.

Speaker 1: 49:21

I love talking pelvic floor. Feel like I just I want to geek out on it and it just always makes me laugh the conversation. I like I need to just have you at a retreat. But also every time I'm like I just need to record this and send it to Julie so she knows how much we talk about pelvic floor, so people can find you at insight public health. I will share your links below.

Speaker 1: 49:43

And then also me and Julie really wanted to tell you that if you are local to Northern Colorado, we are doing an in-person workshop where we are going to teach you. She is going to teach you like the pelvic floor, biological, physiological, hormones, muscles side of it, and I'm going to teach you some of the like somatic, mind, emotion, relational skills that can really support you in sex and coming back to touch and pleasure and even just talking about if you want to, if you don't want to. So we're going to talk all about that and in a really I want to say fun. I think we think it'll be fun, we enjoy talking about it, but Sex is always fun to say fun, I think we think it'll be fun, we enjoy talking about it, but Sex is always fun to talk about. It's okay if it feels awkward or embarrassing or vulnerable. Both her and I are very good at creating a comfortable environment where you're allowed to be vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 50:39

You're going to be able to ask questions in person or you can submit your questions before or after. It's going to be such a great event, so we're going to have that in the links below. I love it.

Speaker 2: 50:49

But when you talk, all things, sex and sex. Like you, like I think that sex because it is a taboo topic in our culture, like we have to make it fun, right, we have to make it fun when we're talking about it, because it's embarrassing some things. We're going to make it fun. So, yeah, everyone should come tell all your mom friends about it. It specifically is for moms who either have brand new babies or maybe your kiddos are in their 20s.

Speaker 1: 51:18

Just, we're going to talk about sex, but also with the landscape of all of the other things that like intertwine with it, because it's it's not always just to that, it's not always just pleasure, like there's a lot of nuance and we want to help you navigate that, because women shouldn't have to navigate that alone.

Speaker 1: 51:35

And one of the things that Julie and I instantly connected on, that we were both so passionate about, is like even if it's not awful, what if it could be even better, even if it's good, what if it can be great? And like, let's give ourselves a space where women can talk about this without so much, like where we're not really talking about it or we're only talking about it in like the most perfect sense, where no one's sharing about how. So I'm so excited. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. If you like this episode or if you have a question for Julie, send me or her a message on Instagram. Please leave a review that helps other people find the podcast and maybe we'll have to do a follow-up if we get enough questions.

Speaker 2: 52:20

Yeah Well, thank you so much for having me. Like I said, I could go all day long talking about this, so I love it we could just go on so many round the trails.

Speaker 1: 52:29

Thank you so much, julie. Thank you.