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The Motherhood Mentor
Welcome to The Motherhood Mentor Podcast your go-to resource for moms seeking holistic healing and transformation. Hosted by mind-body somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach Becca Dollard.
Join us as we explore the transformative power of somatic healing, offering practical tools and strategies to help you navigate overwhelm, burnout, and stress. Through insightful conversations, empowering stories, and expert guidance, you'll discover how to cultivate resilience, reclaim balance, and thrive in every aspect of your life while still feeling permission to be a human. Are you a woman who is building a business while raising babies who refuses to burnout? These are conversations and support for you.
We believe in the power of vulnerability, connection, and self-discovery, and our goal is to create a space where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
Whether you're juggling career, family, or personal growth, this podcast is your sanctuary for holistic healing and growth all while normalizing the ups and downs, the messy and the magic, and the wild ride of this season of motherhood.
Your host:
Becca is a mom of two, married for 14years to her husband Jay living in Colorado. She is a certified somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach to high functioning moms. She works with women who are navigating raising babies, building businesses, and prioritizing their own wellbeing and healing. She understands the unique challenges of navigating being fully present in motherhood while also wanting to be wildly creative and ambitious in her work. The Motherhood Mentor serves and supports moms through 1:1 coaching, in person community, and weekend retreats.
Follow on IG: @themotherhoodmentor , send me a dm and let me know you found me through the podcast!
Website: https://www.the-motherhood-mentor.com/
Want to join the email fam for free workshops and more support: https://themotherhoodmentor.myflodesk.com/ujaud8t4x9
The Motherhood Mentor
ADHD and sensory overload: Managing the Chaos of Motherhood & Entrepreneurship
In this episode Becca opens up about her personal journey with ADHD, from her high school diagnosis to navigating the everyday chaos of life as a mom and entrepreneur.
Whether you're juggling work, family, or the endless to-do lists, this episode is a reminder that you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed—and there are strategies that can help.
Becca dives into the often-overlooked challenges of sensory overload and how understanding these hidden triggers can reshape the way we approach ADHD.
She also tackles the misconceptions around anxiety and ADHD, exploring how the growing awareness of these topics has brought much-needed clarity and practical tools to better manage both.
As a busy mom and entrepreneur, Becca shares her top strategies for boosting productivity while staying grounded in your values. From learning to embrace procrastination as a tool for motivation to creating adaptable routines, she offers insights on how to design a flexible framework that supports your goals without the pressure of perfection.
But it’s not all about productivity. Becca also explores the importance of self-care for those with ADHD. We also discuss how nutrition, sleep, and caffeine sensitivities play critical roles in managing ADHD symptoms and offers advice on how to experiment with your own routines to find what works best for you. She highlights the importance of self-parenting, and how developing a compassionate relationship with yourself can help you thrive, not just survive.
This episode is a heartfelt invitation to embrace and support ADHD, and to build a community where shared experiences and insights can empower you to achieve balance, productivity, and personal growth.
Key Takeaways:
- The impact of sensory overload and how understanding triggers can help manage ADHD
- Debunking common misconceptions about ADHD and anxiety
- Practical strategies for staying productive while being flexible
- How self-parenting (nutrition, sleep, and caffeine) can improve ADHD management
- Building a community of support to exchange experiences and grow together
Chapter Markers:
0:02- Strategies for Managing ADHD in Motherhood
7:46- Navigating Systems and Strategies for Productivity
22:19- Self-Parenting and ADHD Care
32:38- Finding Motivation and Productivity Strategies
45:10- Navigating Sensitivity and Identity With ADHD
Join us next time as we continue to explore the multifaceted journey of motherhood.
Thank you for tuning in to The Motherhood Mentor. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us.
Stay connected with us on social media and share your thoughts and experiences tagging @themotherhoodmentor
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. I'm Becca, a somatic healing practitioner and a holistic life coach for moms, and this podcast is for you. You can expect honest conversations and incredible guests that speak to health, healing and growth in every area of our lives. This isn't just strategy for what we do. It's support for who we are. I believe we can be wildly ambitious while still holding all of our soft and hard humanity as holy. I love combining deep inner healing with strategic systems and no-nonsense talk about what this season is really like. So grab whatever weird health beverage you're currently into and let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Welcome to today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. Today, we are going to be talking about all things ADHD and I'm going to specifically share with you the strategies that have massively impacted and helped me function and cope and be successful in personal and relationships and business, and hopefully you can get something tangible and easy to take away from this episode. So let's jump right in. So a little just bit about me. I was diagnosed ADHD back in my junior or my senior year in high school when I was doing some therapy and we were working with a psychologist who did some testing on me and one of the things that she noticed especially is like my hyperactive mind and my ability to mask really well. I was really good at showing up and getting decent grades not always, but this was actually affecting me a lot, not just at school, but it was. I could keep up, but it was so hard for me. It was taking so much mental and emotional energy for me to cope with things that were so much easier for other people. I also had a lot of PTSD going on at the time, which can also look similar to ADHD for some women, especially if you are high functioning, high masking, which I certainly am. I'm not someone. Well, that's not true. I think the more that I heal, the more that I grow, the more that I become more deeply authentic and just me. The less I mask, the more obvious it's become that I'm like I have raging ADHD. But something powerful for me to name is that so I was diagnosed ADHD junior or senior year of high school, I can't remember which one it was, but I really didn't think about or notice how it impacted me until motherhood hit and until I had my toddler, and I'm really, really grateful for the explosion of talking about ADHD, especially in women, especially in mothers.
Speaker 1:That happened on social media, because it wasn't until I saw some of those things that all of a sudden I was like, oh, I'm not having panic attacks and target because of anxiety. It's actually overwhelming overstimulation from ADHD of trying to do too many things and the sensory not Target actually I said Target but Target has never given me this but places like King Supers or Walmart, where I was trying to take care of a baby and keep my list of what I needed and oh, I'm needing to track my budget and all of a sudden there's bright lights and there's too much noise and I'm dealing with a baby and I'm trying to like focus on what I'm needing to track my budget and all of a sudden there's bright lights and there's too much noise and I'm dealing with a baby and I'm trying to like focus on what I'm doing and I would have these like panic attacks or overwhelm or overstimulation and for me at that time it would often look, my behavior would look like anger. I would find myself snapping at my daughter more often. This was more like in her toddler era, where I was like snapping at her more often because of like sensory overwhelm was a big one for me, and I think what was so hard about that is I didn't understand why her being playful or funny or joyful could be so triggering and overstimulating to me, and it and it was because of my sensory issues. It had nothing to do with her behavior and that's what was so hard, because when I was in the middle of it I didn't have the language of she's not doing anything wrong, but what she's doing doesn't fit what my nervous system and what my body wants or needs, and I don't feel okay.
Speaker 1:So I'm really really grateful for the emergence of more information, more tools, because I started to realize parts of this ADHD that I didn't really understand or know, and I've had a lot of coping mechanisms over the years that worked really really well until motherhood, or I've been through certain seasons where it seems like all of a sudden, I'm using all of the coping mechanisms but they're not working hard enough, they're not doing the job that they used to do. So I'm going to share some of my no fail kind of. They always work if I'm willing to work them, which is probably one of the hardest parts of ADHD is we really really love? Also, hold on, before I go on, that I was gonna. Okay, I'm gonna finish that thought and I'm gonna come back to the other thought I just had.
Speaker 1:This is hilarious that, like you're getting a prime example of ADHD while I'm talking about ADHD Shit, now I forgot where I was going with that. I'm dying. Okay, where was I? Oh, we love to plan, we love the planning phase, we love the new ideas, we love inspiration. It's like a quick, instant dopamine hit. But we can almost become addicted to this because our brains are lacking that dopamine and so we are almost like addicted to the planning and to like having ideas to help us. So, like you're probably listening to this podcast and you're like, oh my gosh, yes, but then, like, actually executing it will feel like dying, it will not feel fun, it will not feel fantastic, it will not feel fun, it will not feel fantastic, it will not feel ooey gooey.
Speaker 1:And so one of the hard things is taking skills for ADHD and then not just knowing them, not just having the information or the dopamine hit or the excitement of planning and strategizing, like having inspiration, but actually taking that and putting it into action. I'm going to challenge you with that Find one thing, one thing from this podcast and put it into action over and over and over. Not consistently perfect, not like all or nothing I have to do this every single time but like trying it over and over, even when it doesn't work, even when you forget to do it yesterday. It's like brushing your teeth. It's like if I forgot to brush my teeth last night, I'm not going to be like, ah, fuck it and not brush my teeth tonight. I'm just going to brush my teeth tonight. The same thing is true with skills and especially building things that just become a part of the way that you live.
Speaker 1:So let's talk a little bit about systems and strategies. Like I just said, we love a good system, we love a good strategy, we love creating them. We don't love following them. How many planners have you bought? And especially you know it cracks me up and also pisses me off at the same time how many planners are marketed quote unquote for ADHD years? It's just complete bullshit, because what works for me for like a whole year or several years will all of a sudden. I'll wake up and be like this doesn't do it anymore, I can't, I won't, and I used to be like but no, this worked and it's like well, it doesn't work anymore.
Speaker 1:So something that has been paramount for me is paying attention to my capacity and chasing my desire when my desire is in alignment with my values, so kind of giving myself permission that like it's okay that I switch strategies and habits and systems consistently. As long as they're working for me, don't make it a problem when you have to change what you're doing. And if what you're doing works, don't make it a problem. If procrastination actually works in your business and it works energetically and emotionally, it doesn't stress you out. It actually motivates you and helps you get your work done and it's not creating problems for your business or your customers or your values that you have in business. Why is it a problem that you wait till the last minute, like? I've had several clients with ADHD who, like they thrive off procrastination and I'm like, if you're thriving, who the hell cares? If it's working for you and it's working for the relationship to your business or your household, you don't have to make that a problem just because it doesn't fit the normative.
Speaker 1:If you sleeping in in the mornings and working out in the afternoons works best for you, freaking, ignore every single person who tells you that you need a morning routine. There was a long season where I was waking up every morning at like 5, 5.15 and doing like a pretty intense like hit and weight workout, and after I want to say I'm trying to think of how long it was All of a sudden I realized I was like this hasn't been working and it hasn't been working for months, and yet I was forcing myself to push through. I was using so much mental and emotional energy to like quote unquote stay motivated and showing up to this thing that actually wasn't working for me, and so I had to like shift it and be like okay, what do I actually need in the mornings? What actually feels good for me? You know, what felt way better than that Going for a walk after I dropped my kids off for school, like I swear, dropping my kids off for school and then taking a walk or having some sort of gentle movement. That felt so much better for my body and actually made progress in the way of my goals.
Speaker 1:So you have to throw out the rule book of what works for everybody else and you have to find what works for you. And there's a reality that what works for you right now might not work next year, it might not work in a couple months, and that's because, especially if you are a mom or if you are an entrepreneur, and especially if you are both, you are going to have different seasons. You are going to have growth seasons or maintenance seasons, or seasons where life is slower and you can have a little bit more space, but your systems and strategies will often change when those seasons come. So don't let that be a problem. Give yourself permission to pivot. Give yourself permission that, like, you can slow down and you can speed up, and it can be permanent or it can be temporary. It can be temporary of you know what, what I had planned for the day. I can't maintain that speed without losing my capacity as a mother, or you know, I'm sick today, so I have to change what I expected out of myself so that I don't end up burnt out.
Speaker 1:I think it's really hard with ADHD especially, but I mean honestly for anyone. Oh my gosh. I just remembered what I was going to say at the beginning of this. Okay, I don't remember where I was saying in that the last thought that I was on. But I want to come back to something I wanted to share in the beginning, which is that these strategies don't just work if you have ADHD. These strategies work if you are a human being, because ADHD is just a diversity. It's just a different way that your body and your mind think, function and relate to yourself and the world around you. And if we can make it that these strategies and systems work for anyone, it's not just if you're ADHD or if you think you might have it but you've never been officially diagnosed, or maybe you've been officially diagnosed and you medicate, or maybe you don't medicate.
Speaker 1:These strategies work for anyone. So I don't remember what I was saying before. I had that little rabbit trail. Also, it's actually really annoying my perfectionism right now at how much my brain is jumping around for this podcast, but I also know that if you're anything like me, you are just following right along. So anyways, to anyone who it's jarring for so sorry, welcome to my brain. It's exhausting. It's exhausting in here. Okay. So time versus energy management. Nope, I'm not done with systems and strategies.
Speaker 1:Let me come back to this, okay. When I think of systems, I think of what can I have that works automatically in the background so that I don't have to work harder? So, for example, in my business, this is having a very simple way of tracking my tasks so that I don't forget them and lose them. Now, do they still sometimes get forgotten and lost? Yes, they absolutely do, because one of the hardest parts of ADHD for me one of them, there's many is the whole object permanence that, like I can either hyper obsess over something or, if I don't see it, it doesn't exist.
Speaker 1:So, for example, my Google calendar If it is not on my calendar, I will likely have a feeling that I'm missing something, but I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is, I don't know what it is, I don't know when, I don't know where. If it is not on my Google calendar, it does not exist. If it is not in my tasks list or to-do list, it does not exist. If it is somewhere lost in my random notes section, it does not exist. My notes are a good place to brain dump, to get things out of my head, but I am very strategic again of every once in a while going through my most recent notes and taking the tasks or things that I remembered in my notes and putting it in a system For business. I use Asana. If it's a calendar thing, I put it on my calendar and if it's a more personal thing, I have a personal notebook or a Google Doc, depending on how my season is, or my planner. So, for example, if it's a task I have to do for personal, I'll usually set an alarm for right after I drop off my kids to get that done.
Speaker 1:One of the biggest systems that works really really well for me is having alarms and alerts for everything Not everything, but even things like pickup and drop off for my kids. I have my like 10 minute warning and then I have my like you need to be leaving alarm that go off every single day for pickup and drop off. I set alarms for every single call I have throughout the day. That way my brain doesn't have to keep track of it. Because what happens when my brain has to keep track of everything? It's exhausting and really anxiety inducing to know that I have to keep track of everything, but also my brain is not good at keeping track over everything, because if I can't see it, it doesn't exist. So like if I'm in the middle of a project, I might forget that I have a call at 1 pm, but if I set an alarm on my phone for 1245 that I have a call with blank client at 1 pm. I have 5-10 minutes to finish up what I'm doing, get a snack, go to the bathroom, get water, whatever I need to do, and then go get ready for my call. If I have an event, if I have something else, it goes in my calendar and it gets an alarm. The other thing that this helps me with is time management.
Speaker 1:Time management is so freaking hard for me because time is just a concept that like eludes my brain. It's like math for me. If I have something coming up on Thursday let's say I have a really big event Thursday it's actually really hard for my brain to be here now because I'm just thinking about Thursday and what has to get done and what needs to be ready for it. So I have to give myself a system and a strategy where I tell myself what needs to be done and when does it need to be done. So let's roll with this example of I have a client retreat on Thursday or something and there's these certain things that need to be done. I will schedule a time that needs to do those things so that I can focus where I am and when I am. That needs to do those things so that I can focus where I am and when I am. I can put a pin in it. So I don't have to be anxious about it, I don't have to spend my mental and emotional energy at like I can't do anything until this time.
Speaker 1:I have to kind of put time management outside myself if that makes sense. So even an know, even an example of today today originally I had a client call in the morning and then I have one of my coaching calls in the afternoon, like my, I get coached, I'm the client. It actually was a little hard for me to be like oh, I have this block in between where I can work on things behind my business, because it just feels like I have this thing coming, I can't do anything else. I still have that feeling, that idea, but my ADHD is like a toddler and I can't let my toddler be the one who makes decisions. I have to find and develop, and I have developed, I have practiced over and over the skill of witnessing. That's not reality. I might feel that, I might think that, but I actually do have this time block where I can work on things.
Speaker 1:Now I also have an alarm set for like 12, 12.30 so I can say, okay, I have time for lunch and I have time to kind of, you know, settle into myself and you know, shut off work mode, becca, and come back into personal mode, becca, so that I can go into that call at 1pm for me as the client. And now that opens up my morning to say, okay, I have three hours. What feels most important to do with that three hours for me? I? I use time management as a system and as a strategy, but I also give myself tons and tons of space where I have this kind of general running to-do list and then I ask myself what I have the capacity and interest for today. That doesn't work for everyone, but at least for my brain. If I can create, if I can give myself as much creative open space as I can, the better I thrive. If I have three open hours on my calendar, I'm much more likely to get my CEO stuff behind the scenes work done that.
Speaker 1:If I perfectly timed at this time I'm going to do this at this time, I'm going to do this at this time, I'm going to do this I wouldn't be able to do it. I'm I've tried before of like how long is it going to take me to do this? How long is it going to take me to do this? And that's just not the way my brain works. My brain I'll get started on something and then I'll end up doing five different things and then coming back to it and, honestly, it works for me. Maybe someday that'll change. Maybe, as my business grows, I'll have to create and adapt and build different skills of working a different way, but at least for me it works.
Speaker 1:Of working a different way, but at least for me it works. It works to say, okay, I have three hours for a CEO time block and originally today I was going to come and work on behind the scenes stuff, but I had this, all of this energy of wanting to talk and share and connect. So I was like you know what I'm going to use that go record a podcast. So I really encourage you figure out what works for you when it comes to time and energy management, because I actually find for most ADHDers, time management only works to a point.
Speaker 1:The bigger thing, the bigger skill that they need to develop, is not as much systems and strategies we need those, but we need those to be running in the background and then the thing that we focus on is our capacity and our energetic management. We manage our energy and our focus of attention. What requires my focus and attention and can I be present doing what I'm doing? So, if I'm working, can I be working? And let's say there's kids at home and let's say you're constantly getting interrupted because you have to multitask. You have to do both. Give yourself permission to take a moment, a breath, a couple minutes, and make a different drink or put on music or put in headphones and say, okay, I'm working. Oh, pause, working, I'm going to parent. Oh, now I'm working. So, literally, tell your brain, tell your body this is where my attention, energy and focus is going to go and then get yourself in an energetic space to do that.
Speaker 1:So a great example before I jumped on to record this podcast, I took a minute, made a couple brief notes about ADHD and then I thought about and felt into what are the strategies, what are the things that consistently help me show up to my life and keep my life running without feeling like my life is running me? What are the ways that I keep functioning and producing without feeling like I'm getting lost in it? So, really taking care of your capacity, and what I mean by that is so you taking care of you has to become number one priority, and I unfortunately unfortunately do not just mean the feel good kind of self care. I mean you need to develop a certain level of skill and capacity to be able to be uncomfortable and still do things. There's going to be a lot of things that you want and need to do that you're not going to want to do, and you have to be able to feel in your body when you're doing that, out of a place of expansion and growth, versus like self-punishment, like there's a big difference between me punishing myself and forcing myself to do something out of shame or for reasons that I don't agree with, and me saying I know I'm going to feel better if I go do this.
Speaker 1:I have to parent myself, especially as someone with ADHD. I have to consistently look at myself and say what is the thing that's actually best for me, even if I don't like it? The way that you eat, the way that you drink, the way that you don't eat or the way that you don't drink, the way that you take care of your body, your sleep, your social media usage? You have to develop the ability to get yourself to do what you don't want to do when it aligns with your values and your long-term goals. When you say, I don't want to do this, but I want the results of this, I don't like this, but I need this.
Speaker 1:That is healthy, mature adulting and it sucks and you won't always like it. In fact, you often won't like it, especially with ADHD, because you're not going to get that dopamine. You don't get that quick hit of this feels good, but you will eventually learn and you will build the skill to be able to feel in your body. This doesn't feel good in the moment, but it creates a life that feels so freaking good and it creates a life that I want to live and it creates the long-term well-being. That is true self-care. True self-care is not just these momentary I want to feel good. It's this long-term. This benefits me and I value this and this is good for me, so I'm going to do it anyways. So, while we're on that, adhd is not just in your head, it's in your body, it is biological, and so the way that you eat and sleep and the things that you do and don't do massively impact this. So the way that you eat.
Speaker 1:A couple of the big things for me are caffeine. Now I don't medicate my ADHD and so I have had to play with over the years and it's honestly taken me a while to understand how caffeine impacts me. But I'm very caffeine sensitive and caffeine can either feel like a miracle way that I medicate or it can feel like it makes my ADHD brain even faster, it makes my chaos even more chaotic, it makes me have the feeling of anxiety which isn't like emotional, it's physiological, it's like my heart's racing or get jittery and I just feel like everything's moving too fast inside of me compared to outside of me. So I've learned, at least for me, that I can't have caffeine unless it's in the afternoon, if I've had some food and there's certain parts of my cycle where I'm much more sensitive to caffeine and I have to be more careful with it. When I am luteal or on my period, I can't fuck with caffeine and if I have it I probably won't feel good and then I'll have to like take care of that, which really sucks because it'll make everything even harder.
Speaker 1:Or I also know that if I'm in the other phases of my cycle, if I'm follicular or ovulatory and I have some caffeine in the afternoons, I get like magic hyper-focus. I can get so much shit done. It's like the best thing ever, especially if I can like go to a coffee shop and have like the right amount of caffeine and just like bust out a bunch of stuff. It's like, oh, it's chef's kiss, it's the best thing ever. But noticing how caffeine impacts you, how it impacts you when you eat what you're eating, how it impacts you in the morning versus afternoon, you have to remember that part of ADHD is hyperactivity. For me, most of that hyperactivity is mental. It's the internal hyperactivity. It's not happening like in my body. It's sorry it's not happening in like my behaviors. It's happening in my like how fast my brain is moving and how consistent and constant it is. So just kind of noticing how caffeine impacts you, because whether or not you have ADHD, caffeine is a pretty powerful thing and some of you are probably so just used to that sensation that you don't even know how your body responds to it, because your body's become dependent and used to it. So it's something to play with, it's something to consider and experiment with, especially if you are really struggling with your coping right now. So I will say that, like mostly cutting out caffeine and then only using it at specific times massively has improved my ADHD in general.
Speaker 1:My cycles, my hormones have had a big impact. Adhd is really really hard for me when I'm in my luteal phase, which is the week before my period. So, specifically, one of the biggest things that happens is I really really overthink and can tend to ruminate when I'm luteal. I really don't experience this very much anymore in my life because of the mental and emotional healing and skills that I've developed. But when I'm luteal I really have to distract myself more. I'm more likely to watch a movie or read a book and not give myself as much downtime where I'm not doing something, because my brain will just tend to spin and spin and spin and has a hard time stopping itself. So I've learned that, like in that season, in that phase, I sometimes have to be more compassionate with myself and have a little bit more grace of like.
Speaker 1:This is a time where if I'm doing dishes or I'm cleaning or I'm cooking, I'm probably going to have an audio book or a podcast on, because my thoughts don't need to be with themselves. There's some background noise that's happening in my thoughts that needs the microphone taken away and that has been very, very impactful. Staying hydrated, getting water, eating lots of protein and fiber and fats, getting water, eating lots of protein and fiber and fats, sugar, massive dopamine hit right. But we actually become addicted to these things, especially as ADHDers, because we're constantly looking for something stimulating. We also tend to have the desire for, like, mouth stimulation or mouthfeel. So I've noticed that like having gum, having a cold or a hot drink is really big for me because it's like my emotional support thing. It's like if I'm not snacking, I need more dopamine. It's like if I'm just sitting there working, it's like not enough.
Speaker 1:So I've started to learn that like my environment really impacts how well I can function. So like I have had to play with different types of music, different levels of how loud or how quiet it is where the speaker is, and these things seem so silly and insignificant that it's easy to ignore it, but it actually makes a massive, massive impact. Even when I'm on calls, if I'm having one of those luteal days where, like coaching, I'm having a harder time being slow and patient, I make sure that I have a fidget. My favorite one is these I think it's called Nido, I don't know if you're local. I got it at Shields, but just having something for my hands to do can be really powerful, so thinking about setting up your environment in a way that you thrive, right. So let's, let's talk a little bit about environment. I just switched to a higher desk. I have a much less cluttered desk that doesn't have a back to it where I look out the window, and it has been significantly better. Eventually it'll be a walking desk, but right now it's broken and so it's at the wrong height and I can't walk at it.
Speaker 1:But one of the things that will really, really impact you is that you like clutter of your own, because you don't want to forget things. You want things where you can see them and where you know that they are, so you will tend to have like piles. Places is really common, especially if you like don't want to forget to return it or you don't want to forget to do it. How many people on your computers? You have a million tabs open, but it's because there's something unfinished there, and so you have to leave it open so you don't go forget to do it. If that strategy works for you, I think it's okay. And especially, notice in your environment, though messes and clutter tends to be really overwhelming and overstimulating to us. So definitely decluttering and that's a whole nother topic on its own but can be really, really powerful, because it's less things that you have to think of, that you have to take care of, that you have to manage, because your brain is already trying to do all of it all at once. So what else? Okay, ooh, okay, this is a good one.
Speaker 1:Motivation versus movement you have to learn how to not rely on motivation as your way of getting into action or stopping action. So one of the things that I tell everyone I work with who has ADHD an object at motion stays in motion and an object at rest stays at rest, and what I mean by that it's you know, I didn't say that obviously it's like one of the laws of physics If you are going too fast, it feels more uncomfortable and is harder to speed down and change that speed. It feels more uncomfortable and is harder to speed down and change that speed If you are stopped and paralyzed. If you are in that, like paralyzation of ADHD, it is going to take you more energy and capacity and be more uncomfortable to get started. So if you are sitting there waiting for the motivation, which is really, really hard, because it seems like for a lot of us it's either like all or nothing. It's either this, like massive jolt of like I could do all of it and I'm going to do it so well and fast, and like achieve things that, like other people couldn't even imagine in a shorter amount of time, or it's like I can't even get up and do this one simple, easy task. I can't even get myself to do it.
Speaker 1:It's really important to know that your thoughts and feelings aren't the boss of you. You're not the bitch to your thoughts and feelings. And if you can't find the motivation, if you don't feel like it, instead of looking to your feelings and thoughts, look to your body, look to your movement. Don't think of having to get to where you want to be, just think of starting. So, for example, if you're trying to get yourself to the gym, just get your shoes on and get started. Just do the next thing, just get some momentum going, get moving, and the more frozen and paralyzed you feel, you need to lower the bar until you can grab it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like I love having high standards. I have pretty damn high standards and expectations of myself in most of the areas of my life and one of the ways that I've been able to create that is, in those moments where I can't do all of it, I don't do none of it. I ask myself what is a small piece of doable work that I can do right now? So if I can't get myself to do X, y, z in my business, I'll get myself to do L? It's like if I don't have the capacity to do something in my business, I might ask myself okay, what do I have the capacity to do right now? Or you know what, if I don't have the capacity, is the best thing I could do for myself and my business and my relationships to just have a rest day, to have a do whatever I want, or a day where I work on my house. What do I have the capacity to do? So I don't beat myself up, and especially if you do have a life where you have the space and the freedom to be able to like, be more flexible and more in flow, I love having a life where there's way less structure and systems, where I can say I have this idea of what needs to get done, but I can do that at any point this week, like, for example, fridays are always my flex day and some days I'll spend that whole day working on my house. Some days I'll spend it resting, some days I'll spend it with my kids, some days it'll be a CEO day and I'll work on back end things at my business, at a coffee shop or sitting on the couch or at my desk, or half of the day will be work and half of it will be spending with a friend. I just let myself decide what actually feels good, what actually fuels me, what serves me today and long term for me to do so.
Speaker 1:If you can't do this big task, this big project, it's because you're trying to do everything at once, right? One of the things that can create overwhelm is when you are mentally and emotionally holding all of it all at the same time instead of witnessing a doable piece at the moment. So, like if you have this big, huge project that's coming, or you're planning this retreat or you're doing this big thing, you have a tendency to be all in it, which is a beautiful thing about you, right? Like that you're an all in full ass, full send kind of person me too. But it can get really overwhelming if your body's trying to feel and think of all of it all at once. So give yourself permission to break it down into a doable piece that you can do right now and then get yourself into motion.
Speaker 1:Do whatever you need to do to get yourself into motion. Put on shoes, put on some music, go to a coffee shop, make yourself a cold or a hot drink, put on some music. Those are my biggest quick things. Change the location in your house. Maybe you don't sit at your desk today, maybe you go sit in bed, maybe you go sit on the couch. Create some sort of shift in your environment or in your physicality that will get you changing your state. Or, if you're not going to do that, make a full-bodied choice that, if you're feeling paralyzed, maybe it's because you need to rest, maybe it's because you need to slow down, maybe you've been going so hard too fast and your body truly needs to just be paralyzed for a minute. It needs to rest, it needs to like, lay down and do nothing and be unproductive. That is one of the most powerful things that you can do for yourself as a mother, as an entrepreneur prioritizing that open space where you can rest or read or play or go move your body for the hell of it, or go for a walk or go for coffee with friends.
Speaker 1:Make sure you have enough things in your life that are creating joy and dopamine in a really deep way. What I mean by that is that, like, so many of the things we reach for are like cheap candy and we keep eating it but it doesn't ever fill us up because it's not actually what we need. Social media is a great example of this. It usually is like a quick hit of what we need, but you can't. What is it saying?
Speaker 1:I heard it from Brene Brown oh, where is it? You can't ever get enough of what you don't need. It's like you get done after an hour of scrolling and I don't know about you, but I've almost never been like oh, I feel better now, I feel energized and full, but like if I spent an hour with a friend at coffee or voxering one of my best friends or in a coaching call or in a group thing, I will have so much energy and capacity and inspiration and like I will just be a lot. I will feel so much more of my aliveness because that thing actually nourished me, it actually fed me, it actually felt good. So make sure that you have enough things of that built into your life. You have enough playtime that you discover, like, what you want to do, not just what you need to do, because if you meet that craving, you will have the capacity to do the shit that you don't want to do.
Speaker 1:And believe me when I say that even when you have a business that you freaking love, there are going to be days or times where there is shit that you don't want to do or that you have to do in order to be able to do the things you want to do. Right, like that's welcome to life. Even if you have a business you love, there's going to be parts or aspects of it that aren't super fun. So giving yourself permission to go through the motions when you don't feel like it, when it serves your values, while also realizing your whole life, can't be that. Your whole life can't be through going through the motions. You are allergic to it. You are meant to be rebellious and break the system and say like no, we're not all going to do this the same, because none of us is the same. None of us have the same energies or focuses or attention span or all of that stuff, and it's like you were meant to break the mold. You were meant to bust out of the box and be like I can't. I couldn't pretend that it worked for me, even if I wanted to. So give yourself another tip, give yourself a second brain.
Speaker 1:I think I talked a little bit about this earlier, but one of the things that's really powerful is getting out a sheet of paper and brain dumping, getting it out of your head where you can see it, and ideally even better than this. So if you, at baseline, you get out a piece of paper and you brain dump it, or you get it out into a note on your phone, pen and paper is best usually for our brains. And another thing that's going to be really powerful for you is the connection and community of being able to verbally process with a group and a community that is curious and can understand and follow you and help you see the things that you're not seeing. That is one of the most powerful things I have in my business and I have started to create and cultivate and given me more and more time to spend in community, in community with my clients that I serve, and then also just like peers or people that like are my network, and then also people who light me up, who are having the kind of conversations that like. It's not even dopamine, it's this like deep, full-bodied aliveness where I just like, I feel myself and I'm like. There she is, there's all my energy, there's all my power, there's all my capacity. There's all my energy, there's all my power, there's all my capacity. Prioritizing my time with those people is one of the most effective, productive things I can do for my business and myself, and prioritizing that has been key for me. My entire business is setting up community support, so like there's a group of us supporting me, supporting who I am, what I'm doing in my business, my vision, my passion, being able to talk about it, being able to hear other people and then having one-on-one support, having a place in a space that takes care of me.
Speaker 1:My one-on-one coaching is one of the most valuable things that I have and I want to share that. I don't need this because I'm struggling. I need this because I want to consistently be improving. I have this deep fire in my belly. I have this deep ambition where I see the gap and it's no longer this pressure. It's no longer this shame. It's no longer this shame, it is this permission of like what am I capable of? What is my business capable of? What is my marriage and my motherhood Like? I see this potential and I'm not struggling in my life. I have a really good life. I have a really good personal health. I feel great emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I feel great in my friendships, in my marriage. I feel great in my family. I feel great in my motherhood, I feel great in my business and I want to keep that and I want to keep optimizing it.
Speaker 1:So for me, having that one-on-one space where I can talk about things and work through things mentally, emotionally, spiritually, it really is helping me to develop more updated responses. It's helping me take more self accountability for my goals and what I want and what I need. It helps me to work through those sticky things where, like, I'm bullshitting I'm the best bullshitter. You guys, I think the more healing I do, the more that I develop, especially the more that I develop as a coach, the better I'm getting at bullshitting myself, because I'm so good at hiding my own things for myself. And so I work with really, really, really great practitioners who can help me hold and heal my humanity and my nervous system. Man, can I just say nervous system healing and regulation. I swear if you just worked on that with ADHD it would change your entire life. Because, like I said, all the strategies and the systems, they're usually great for a minute or two, but none of that matters when your capacity tanks. Again None of that matters when you hit your ADHD, burnout, because none of your coping mechanisms are working and I don't think that's just like a oh, you're not healthy thing. I think it's a growth thing. Every time I expand, I notice a difference in like, oh, I need some different strategies. I notice a difference in like, oh, I need some different strategies. So, ooh, okay.
Speaker 1:Last note perfectionism and ADHD. These two together are just so freaking hilarious and I think it creates. When I say hilarious, I mean that sometimes I think it's funny and sometimes it has me in a corner in a ball wanting to cry, because there is a part of me that has these really high expectations and ideals for myself that aren't realistic. That's perfectionism. Perfectionism is I have unrealistic expectations that are void of my humanity and reality, and ADHD is a constant fellow to remind me of how human I am that, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many wonderful magical systems and strategies and no matter how much healing work that I do, I'm still human. I'm still just Becca, I'm still just.
Speaker 1:I have these days or these moments or these seasons where I just feel like a bridge troll or my coping mechanisms aren't coping hard enough or I've stopped masking in ways and I have to face the discomfort of the authentic me isn't always pretty and cute, sometimes she's like, really messy, sometimes she interrupts people, sometimes she forgets things that were so important to her and all she can do is say I'm so sorry. There are things that overwhelm me and overstimulate me that I constantly am like Um, there are things that overwhelm me and overstimulate me that I constantly am like this, really, this, it seems so small or little. Or you know, I have sense, like some of my sensory stuff. I feel so ridiculous with some of my sensory stuff, like recently I realized how much my intolerance to hot and cold was my sensory. I'm so sensitive to, not just emotions and thoughts, which is one of my greatest gifts.
Speaker 1:By the way, one of the things that makes me a very, very good practitioner and coach is that I'm very sensitive and aware of not just my own body but your body, the things I pick up on intuitively, unconsciously, without me even realizing that I'm noticing them. That is a superpower I can tap into parts of you that you don't even know exist and I wasn't even looking for them. And, yes, that's a skill that I've developed, but it also is just innate in my sensitivity. But that same thing can also mean that I used to walk into a room and be able to sense things that were really overwhelming, because I didn't know how to manage them and I didn't have good energetic and emotional boundaries which that's a whole nother podcast in and of itself. But sometimes I get annoyed with myself of, like I wish I was just tougher or less sensitive, like I wish I didn't feel everything that I could feel.
Speaker 1:And then I think about how much my sensitivity is a gift, and it doesn't always feel like a gift. It comes with a cost, it's hard and it takes care and nurturing, and I'm constantly working to update and mature these skills right. So even there's parts of my ADHD where it's just like okay, it's time to grow up a little bit, it's time to update the way that I respond and relate to this part of myself, and it is just a part of me. It's not all of me. And so this ADHD and this perfectionism, I like to think of it as like it's not my entire personality and it can feel like that at times, but it's just a part of me, it's not all of me. It's not an identity, it's not who I am.
Speaker 1:I don't even it technically is a diagnosis, but I really don't like to think of it that way. I just think of how do I understand myself and my needs so that I can show up to the things that I really care about in a way that I'm really freaking proud of. I think it's probably something that will always impact me, but I get to change the way that I relate to it, the way that I nurture and nourish it, the way that I relate and respond and take care of it, because I don't know if it's something that'll ever go away. There's certainly seasons where it seems to like flare more or when it seems to like go away more. I think a lot of that, too, is just like our culture, which is not only that like we're a culture that is very distracted, but we're a culture that like there's so much of everything all of the time. We're trying to do everything all at once. We're trying to be everyone and everything to every person. We're trying to be all of our roles all at once, instead of giving ourselves permission that, like these are hats that I put on and off, but like, underneath it all, I'm just me, just Becca, and like there's all of these different parts and pieces to me, but it's not who I am, it's just different parts and pieces and I don't have to over-identify with that. So, okay, that was a lot.
Speaker 1:I really hope that a part of this, a piece of this, was helpful and supportive for you and I really encourage you take one aha moment and apply it. Get your hands dirty with it, try it out, see how it applies to your life, take some time and really take some sort of action based off of what you heard today. Like I said, inspiration and planning they feel great, but they don't actually change anything, and what I want for you is actual transformation. Not because there's anything wrong with what you are or where you are or who you are, but I wonder what it would feel like to relate to yourself in a different way. So if this episode was helpful for you, please share it with a friend, share it on social media and tag me. I would love it and also send me a DM. Send me an email.
Speaker 1:I want to hear what strategies or systems and supports have really worked for you with ADHD. I'm also super curious Do you have any supplements that have really helped you or worked for you? I feel like there's so many that people have been talking about and I've been curious to like try them. So if you found something that really works for you or helps you, send me a DM, send me an email. I want to hear from you and let me know what other questions and ways that I can support you. I hope you have an awesome day and I'll see you next time.
Speaker 1:Thanks for joining me on today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. Make sure you have subscribed below so that you see all of the upcoming podcasts that are coming soon. I hope you take today's episode and you take one aha moment, one small, tangible piece of work that you can bring into your life, to get your hands a little dirty, to get your skin in the game. Don't forget to take up audacious space in your life. If this podcast moved you. If this podcast moved you, if it inspired you, if it encouraged you, please do me a favor and leave a review. Send an episode to a friend. This helps the show gain more traction. It helps us to support more moms, more women, and that's what we're doing here. So I hope you have an awesome day, take really good care of yourself and I'll see you next time.
