.png)
The Motherhood Mentor
Welcome to The Motherhood Mentor Podcast your go-to resource for moms seeking holistic healing and transformation. Hosted by mind-body somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach Becca Dollard.
Join us as we explore the transformative power of somatic healing, offering practical tools and strategies to help you navigate overwhelm, burnout, and stress. Through insightful conversations, empowering stories, and expert guidance, you'll discover how to cultivate resilience, reclaim balance, and thrive in every aspect of your life while still feeling permission to be a human. Are you a woman who is building a business while raising babies who refuses to burnout? These are conversations and support for you.
We believe in the power of vulnerability, connection, and self-discovery, and our goal is to create a space where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
Whether you're juggling career, family, or personal growth, this podcast is your sanctuary for holistic healing and growth all while normalizing the ups and downs, the messy and the magic, and the wild ride of this season of motherhood.
Your host:
Becca is a mom of two, married for 14years to her husband Jay living in Colorado. She is a certified somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach to high functioning moms. She works with women who are navigating raising babies, building businesses, and prioritizing their own wellbeing and healing. She understands the unique challenges of navigating being fully present in motherhood while also wanting to be wildly creative and ambitious in her work. The Motherhood Mentor serves and supports moms through 1:1 coaching, in person community, and weekend retreats.
Follow on IG: @themotherhoodmentor , send me a dm and let me know you found me through the podcast!
Website: https://www.the-motherhood-mentor.com/
Want to join the email fam for free workshops and more support: https://themotherhoodmentor.myflodesk.com/ujaud8t4x9
The Motherhood Mentor
The Train's Off the Rails: Making Peace With 2025's Strange Energy with Tonya Raybon
There's a strange energy to 2025 that many of us are feeling but struggling to articulate. In this vulnerable conversation with salon owner and Perfectly Blended podcast host Tonya Rabin, we explore why even the most organized, disciplined women are having trouble finding their flow this year.
Tonya opens up about "having a hard time getting her shit together" despite still accomplishing what needs to be done - a sentiment that's resonating across her salon clients and friend circles. This discussion reveals how this collective experience connects to our natural seasonal rhythms as women designed to adapt to changing circumstances.
We dive deep into what happens when we've been operating at summer-level energy during winter seasons for too long. Your body and spirit eventually demand alignment, creating that uncomfortable misalignment between external productivity and internal seasons that many high-functioning women are currently experiencing.
The conversation transforms when we explore the concept of "blending" versus "balancing." True balance doesn't exist - we're constantly blending different aspects of our lives as we move through changing seasons. This perspective offers freedom from the impossible standard of "work-life balance" that leaves so many women feeling inadequate.
Perhaps most powerful is our discussion about legacy. As Tonya beautifully articulates, her legacy isn't about leaving her salon to her children, but rather about who she is and how she loves: "Not what I have, but who I am." This opens up a healing conversation about being a "legacy changer" rather than just a "cycle breaker" - focusing on creating something new rather than constantly fighting against old patterns.
If you're feeling out of sync with your usual rhythms this year, this conversation offers permission to honor your current season while still showing up for what matters most. Remember, sometimes a healthy pace feels "wrong" only because we're accustomed to constant acceleration.
About Tonya:
I am married to my husband, Jeff Raybon. We have been together for 24 years and married 16. 3 children, 2 of his and 1 of mine, which he adopted when we got married. We are also grandparents to 3 precious angels. I am currently 48 years old and so I’ve grown through many seasons of life and I love chatting with other women entrepreneurs and sharing wisdom nuggets to those coming up behind us and getting any inspiration from those who have gone before me.
Find Tonya:
Chapter Markers:
00:02:45 2025's Strange Energy
00:08:34 Seasonal Shifts in Our Lives
00:16:56 Legacy Beyond Business
00:23:28 Permission to Rest and Slow Down
00:33:09 Being a Legacy Changer
00:41:23 Honoring Your Core Values
00:45:07 Finding Peace in the Chaos
Join us next time as we continue to explore the multifaceted journey of motherhood.
Thank you for tuning in to The Motherhood Mentor. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us.
Stay connected with us on social media and share your thoughts and experiences tagging @themotherhoodmentor
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. I'm Becca, a somatic healing practitioner and a holistic life coach for moms, and this podcast is for you. You can expect honest conversations and incredible guests that speak to health, healing and growth in every area of our lives. This isn't just strategy for what we do. It's support for who we are. I believe we can be wildly ambitious while still holding all of our soft and hard humanity as holy. I love combining deep inner healing with strategic systems and no-nonsense talk about what this season is really like. So grab whatever weird health beverage you're currently into and let's get into it. Welcome to today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
Speaker 1:I am here with my friend, tanya. We just recorded her podcast last week and so I was like I'm so it feels like she just jumped on and I instantly like my face lit up because I was like it's Tanya. I got to hang out with Tanya and before I record every podcast, I always take a minute and like connect with a guest and say like where are we going to start? What are kind of like some of our topics or themes? And like we just had like a two minute conversation and I was like we're just going to jump in. Tanya was like let's just do it and I was like let's just do it, girl, like we were both talking about the insanity of 2025. Energy is weird. Energy is something. It is different.
Speaker 2:So, tanya, will you introduce yourself who you are and then let's talk about it. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be back together. Like you said, we had so much fun last week and we're going to do it again this week. My name is Tanya Rabin. I own a salon in Baton Rouge, louisiana. I am a host of the podcast Perfectly Blended. I own a salon in Baton Rouge, louisiana. I am a host of the podcast Perfectly Blended, and I am just ready to spill. Let's talk.
Speaker 1:So you said 2025 feels different for you. What feels so different? What's weird?
Speaker 2:I don't know what it is, but there's something about 2025. And I've been saying this almost since before 2025, because I'm typically lined up, prepared, ready.
Speaker 2:I'm typically a very structured, focused, disciplined person. Now I mean I do live, I mean like I'm an 80-20 girl, but I'm typically very structured and focused and disciplined. And I mean, for lack of better terms, I'm having a hard time getting my shit together. Lack of better terms I'm having a hard time getting my shit together. I'm getting the things done and I'm getting through. I'm not necessarily clawing my way around, but it just doesn't feel aligned, doesn't feel focused, it doesn't feel settled, it doesn't feel the flow is not there for 2025. And so I felt kind of alone in this in the beginning, was really beating myself up in January. But the more I talk to people, so I do hair for a living, so I have a lot of clients and we have a lot of deep connections behind that chair. It's so much more than just hair. It's not just me.
Speaker 2:Then I started listening to some podcasts and I was like wait, is this a reversal? Then I started listening to some podcasts and I was like wait, is this a reversal? Because three of the podcasts that I have listened to have talked about this very thing. Clients are telling me. Like saying one of my clients was like January is a trial run, so we get to try again in February. I'm like OK, well, cool, February feels like Bambi. So what are we going to do next? I was also, you know. I'm just wondering does that mean it's going to get better, or is this? What are you?
Speaker 1:according to what?
Speaker 2:your friends are telling you.
Speaker 1:I don't think so, so I'm just like you can't hear us, you can't, or I mean you can't see us. But I just made a face at Tanya of like I hope it gets better.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking it's going to go up from here. We're all just going to get the trains going to you know how, like when you pull a drawer out and it's kind of off and you got to adjust it a little bit. So it's like, right, I feel like the train's going to get on track and we're going to chug along. Right, yeah, you can do another, I can't.
Speaker 1:I can't do another train wreck. I mean you can't, and then sometimes life serves you that.
Speaker 2:I know which. I know she really, um, you know that's that's good, that's a good segue into being a mom, because that's the truth about a woman, and not not discounting men. But we were made for seasons. We can adapt so easily. While this doesn't feel functional, I'm making it happen. Yeah, I'm adapting to where I'm at. Even though it doesn't always feel super aligned or super right, I'm still getting the job done. Showing up, it may be messy, it may be perfect some days, I don't know, but I think as a business, a friend, whatever the case is, a hospital visit, a sick child, a friend in need, a husband, support, whatever it is we adapt to whatever that season around us looks like. We may not be there for a long time, we may be there for a long period, but we will adjust when it changes.
Speaker 1:You know what's interesting, when you said that seasons thing, something clicked together for me, tanya, and I want to share with you this because I've been feeling something in my own life and I've been witnessing it in my clients and as soon as you said this I was like maybe there is more of a collective than I've understood, cause one of my giftings is seeing patterns and the way things are connected. So my own personal experience last fall and winter I went into like a winter, like I had some pretty intense emotional healing stuff coming up and it wasn't this like external stuff. It wasn't like externally things were happening. I mean, everything on the outside looked the same, but internally it was like everything was being rearranged and then like everything was like kind of shaken up and for a minute it was like what is happening? I don't like this. Things are good, let's not mess with it.
Speaker 1:And I'm a very high functioner and I found myself in a season where I couldn't function over my winter and I so I had to honor that season and life. I mean I didn't have to, but I chose to honor the season and I did my best to meet myself in my winter. But what's interesting? I'm a lot like you. Like every year up to New Year's, I'm spending this time journaling and it's like how was this last year? And I'm reflecting on the last year and I'm looking ahead to the new year. And I remember I met a friend in January and it was like two weeks into January she was like how are you? Are you good? What are your goals for January? And I was like I honestly feel like I'm just like my brain can't even go there, like I feel like I'm in just such a thick fog, like I'm just here.
Speaker 2:I'm just like I'm so far removed from that right now that I can't get myself to that.
Speaker 1:But what was so interesting is I was watching, like all so many of my clients were in a similar season where they were going. I always have my shit together and all of a sudden, externally I'm still taking care of things, but internally it's like something in their being said I'm not doing this anymore. And I think there was a very healthy resistance and like almost this like teenage rebellion in us of like I am not going to be acting like summer in the winter anymore, like I will not be consistent according to what you have told me is consistency I will not be productive and performative according to what you said I need to do. And I think there is this healthy level of like letting go of that control and that high functioning for us. And I'm curious if that's happening on a broader scale for women who have shown up so consistently, even through 2020.
Speaker 1:Like I look at like things didn't stop for the people I know, like there was no quote unquote, like home time. It was like no, now you're doing twice as much with less resource. And I look at women. I'm like, oh, I think the doing twice as much with less resource. And I look at women, I'm like, oh, I think the aftershocks are still, I don't know. Does that resonate with you? I'm curious it does.
Speaker 2:And I was going to say to that that the truth is is we do live in seasons, not just by the circumstances of our life, but the seasons that God, we have in the universe we are, our bodies, are part of this universe, in our world, in our everyday life, and we do have four seasons. I don't know, I guess it depends on where you live if you have four seasons, because we have a long summer, we have a very short fall and a very short spring, but we have seasons and I think it's almost like if you're part, if you understand this or if this is something you're into, but just like being grounded or things like that. Like we are, our bodies are part of this and I think our bodies float in seasonal function as well. You're right, in the summer I'm floating and going and perky and happy and all the things, and I mean so many times I've heard it's raining a couple of days here and I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot have one more day of gray skies.
Speaker 2:And I have another friend is like I love this weather of gray skies, and I have another friend is like I love this weather. You know, and I do think everybody's season function is different as well too, like you were saying, in your winter you went to hibernation and my friend was like I love this weather, and I was like I like this for a very short moment. I understand it's part of the circle of life, but I can't do days of rain and darkness. So I do think our bodies are aligned with a season. I do think there is a flow to that. So, yes, it definitely resonates. It makes perfect sense to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. I'm curious what season you feel like you're in.
Speaker 2:I feel trapped in winter. I feel like I have a confession. I am not.
Speaker 1:My husband says this all the time about me that I was a confession for you.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh okay, this is a lot for you okay that's a confession for me, oh, almost a confession to myself, like hey, and that's okay how did that feel?
Speaker 1:did you enjoy it? I?
Speaker 2:actually did. It felt. It feels kind of strange to me when I do stuff like that because it's not really my MO and not for any reason. As I've aged I've learned that the busyness badge is not that cute, but I've also learned to let go of constantly being a human doing instead of a human being. So when I do have days like that and it also felt aligned with the weather, like it was gloomy, it was rainy I was like my laundry's caught up. I don't have any dishes to wash and those sound petty and minor because you can let those sit. I'm not you know what I'm saying, but like it felt really good to just sit on the couch with the dogs.
Speaker 1:You know it's funny when you describe that I'm sitting here going. Wait, tanya, this sounds like a healthy thing. This sounds like a thing, but you're panicking a little bit about it and I wonder I. Here's the curiosity. I've seen this a lot in myself and I see it a lot with the women I work with of like when we have a new edge of health.
Speaker 1:An object in motion stays in motion right. An object at rest stays at rest unless acted upon by like an unequal chaotic force. Essentially, if you're used to going 90 and you start going 70, even if 70 is like a better speed for you, it's going to feel really slow. Like the other day I was on the highway and there was traffic and it's like going 30 miles an hour or 10 miles an hour on the highway is awful, that is the worst feeling ever. But like 70 felt great. But if I was to go like 90 or 95, that would have felt too fast. But if you're used to going 90 and you slow down to 70 or 50, like your body might have like a little bit of that, like whiplash, or like a little bit of the like yeah, of like finding that new edge of health and safety and slowness for you.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, like you were saying earlier about recognizing that season that you were in and why you were performing outwardly the same inwardly. Sometimes, when we recognize these things, it takes us a minute to catch on, like, oh okay, that's what's happening. Oh, I'm honoring and giving myself permission, although it feels different. It's a muscle, it's a muscle that I have to exercise, that you have to exercise, that women have to exercise when you functioned in this era for so long, or speed or whatever.
Speaker 2:When you change that, or even if, when your internal feelings change, something internally changes, it's hard for us to even recognize. We may even think like, oh, maybe I'm sick, maybe I should go to the doctor. I'm not, I'm feeling different. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, it's a whole recognition system as well, giving giving ourselves the permission to change, to do different, to speed up, slow down, take a pause and honor that. You know, like I think it's hard for women to navigate that, while we can navigate many things and juggle in many things, piling up feels okay, but taking away always feels very different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and it doesn't get you as many gold stars and stickers, right? Like when we're high functioners and we're getting everything done, but it like the pace doesn't resonate with our presence. Like when we start calibrating our internal experience and world to like our external behavior, like sometimes it makes us less palatable, or like you're doing less of the things that you used as a determination of your success, right. Like when our worth is coming from what we provide for other people or for what we do.
Speaker 1:I think it's so easy to get caught up on that and almost to let it be like this rat race of, like this treadmill where it's like the faster you run, the faster it moves, versus like this wide open permission of like of course we want to like better ourselves and the world and produce these beautiful things, but like I wonder if, too, we trusted the permission to like rest and slow down and be in ease. Like I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and I was like man, I want, I like I want to be a badass woman, yes, but like I also want to be a woman of ease. Like yeah, yeah, yeah, for real.
Speaker 2:And not only that is, we're also setting up a proof of concept for a future generation. And if we, it's so funny when I think back, looking at the generations of women, you know, like I just said recently, like who told um Miss Cleaver she needed to get a job? Why? Why did that? Why did that glamorous go away being the stay-at-home mom and all that? You know, I'm saying now you have to have two jobs and a side hustle and take care of the kids and go to school, I just think. And that, along with comparison, keeps women at such a high stress functioning that we really need to be in touch with what makes us happy. What legacy are we trying to leave? What's authentic to who we are versus what it should look like, or who are we comparing ourselves to?
Speaker 1:Yeah, talk to me about legacy. What does legacy look like to you? What is that?
Speaker 2:Oh man, I love talking about legacy because I lost my mom 14 years ago.
Speaker 2:And when I think about who I am and where I am and what I do and how I serve and how I love, I'm so thankful for the things that I can look back and see that she instilled in me, and my goal and hope is to leave that to my children and grandchildren. You know, yes, I own a business Wonderful. I don't own a business to hope to leave it to them to run one day. I own a business because this is what I was passionate about. They may not be passionate about that. However, the way that I serve others and love others and, you know, try to be a living example to them is more of a legacy to me than what I get to leave them. Yeah, like who you are, who you are is what I get to leave.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like who you are. Who you are is your legacy to your family.
Speaker 2:Not what I have, but who I am, my daughter. That's sweet, that it's funny that she said that. She just asked me this week and she's like mom, I need you to write all your recipes down for me. And I said, oh, can't you just cook with me and remember them? And she goes, no, I want you to write them. I'm like, well, you know, I don't write neat, what if I type them? She said, no, that's what I want. I want when my kids are cooking with me. We're going to be like what did she say right here? And I was like that's really sweet and that makes me feel like I'm already instilling a legacy, like you're wanting traditions to look back on for when you have kids, if and when I'm not here, and so I think that is really sweet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is sweet, I love that. Would you say that like that's changed in your journey as a mom? Like has that changed in different seasons as a mom?
Speaker 2:Like what has felt important as far as my legacy and my thought process on a legacy, I don't feel like that's changed. I feel like that was how I was raised. I feel like that's what was instilled in me and I feel like, um, I feel like as I've grown and matured as a woman and as a business owner, I've come to realize some of those things. I think a lot of times people do go into business because it's their dream, but when they have a family, of times people do go into a business because it's their dream, but when they have a family, they're like oh, we have a family business, it's not a family business.
Speaker 2:I mean, I guess there are family businesses, the long legacy of business, that have been passed down and the next person grows up to become that, but initially it started with a dream in one person's heart. You know what I'm saying, and if it coincidentally passes to the next person and that's a dream in their heart, that's one thing, but to expect your family to take over what was your dream is not a legacy. That's almost like you're holding them in contempt of your dream. I feel like, yeah, the hair salon's a great business and it's profitable and it's wonderful, but it was my dream. If one day she wants it or she wants to sell it when I'm not here, then that's fine too. You know what I'm saying. However, how I run my business, how I steward my business, how I work with people, what I do behind my chair, what I give the community, that is the legacy that I want to leave In your business.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm curious. What like navigating both, having wanting to build this legacy of your motherhood and in your family and just like your identity, like you, tanya, and then also this legacy of business. How has that felt to hold the tension and to like you know, there's no better word than like balance. How, how has that felt for you? What has been important for you? Navigating, having wanting to leave a legacy in both ways?
Speaker 2:well, that's funny. You said that that balance word, because that's kind of what the podcast started off of being perfectly blended, because, let's face it, no one's balanced. Yeah, so agreed, blending motherhood, entrepreneurship, parenting, running a business, being a wife, being a wife, being a friend I have a strong friend group. So, you know, you start branching out into all these different aspects of your life and the demand for each thing, and everybody wants to say it's a work-life balance. You need to figure out how to balance it all. Nothing is balanced. We're all blended. We're constantly blending, constantly, just like I said, the seasons, they all blend into one another. You go from being a single to a married, to a parent, to a business owner, to taking care of parents, to while you're taking care of children, to while you're taking care of parents, to while you're taking care of children, to while you're taking care of your business. And I'd like to say I did it all gracefully but I've learned a lot about myself in the long run.
Speaker 2:You know, now I look at my kids and I'm like look, I know I was not a perfect parent and I don't expect you to do it like me I want you to do. I tell my kids all the time I want you to do and be more and better than I was. That's my only goal for you. I want you to be better, but I just hope that I gave you some groundwork and you can improve upon that.
Speaker 1:I just I am so grateful for so many things you just said. I want to start with what, like that last piece you said. I think what you just said is going to be so healing from so many women because they don't have a legacy of health from their mother necessarily. Or maybe you know women who don't have a mother, who are in this season of motherhood, who, either by relationships being over or they've lost their mother. You know, it's so hard for them to feel like how do you pass on this legacy that you're not getting, like you haven't, you didn't receive it, or it's cut off from you. And I feel like what you just said, that piece of permission from someone, is just so. I just love what you just said. And then, two, that word of blending. I haven't ever thought of that word for it, because you're right, I'm on the same page of.
Speaker 1:I do think balance is possible, but I don't think it's balancing things like a scale. I think of it as like core strength balance. So like you're riding a bike and you're gonna have to make these small little incremental movements, and like sometimes the ground is going to be uneven and you're going to have to make these small little incremental movements and like, sometimes the ground is going to be uneven and you're going to fall over and you're going to have to figure out okay, I swung too far to the right, I've got to swing back, and that balance is responsive to the season that you're in, and sometimes that season is months and sometimes it's what worked yesterday doesn't work today. It's like every time your kid grows up and they change, you have to change. Same thing goes with business, right, like every time my business evolves, I'm evolving. Or when I'm evolving, oh, now my business has to follow. But I love that concept of blending.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that idea of blending of like motherhood and all of those parts of you not needing to be separate in yourself, yeah, I think the the given, the permission thing, um, is part of the legacy that my mom left me too, because there was a time, you know, that she apologized to me about some of the things that she did in her life, that I think I was resentful towards her at one time, and when she did I felt like it was so profound. She recognized that and apologized for it and it gave me permission to apologize to my kids at a very early age for when I thought I failed as a mother, not like one of those I'm sorry people, but those you really. That was not cool, mom, that you know. You went off the rails and whatever it is screamed, spanked too hard, whatever it is punishment too harsh, forgot to pick them up at school. You know just the norm that I was able to as they grew and matured and we had issues or discussions or whatever that I showed them would apologize and look like so that we could have a healthy communication, because I didn't always have that with my mom as I was growing up.
Speaker 2:And so there are things you know and let me say this until you're a mom and you've raised your kids and you've gone through lots of seasons, like I have one. You don't know what someone's going through. You never know until you get to walk a mile in their shoes in whatever season that is. So please give them grace. And you just don't know what you don't know.
Speaker 2:So, for all of the women struggling with mother or father issues, just remember, even though they didn't get it right, they probably thought they were doing the best they could with what they had. Some parents take into parenthood what was given to them and they don't know the concept of changing it. They only know what they know and that's what they do. Thankfully, we're in a world, now that we have access to podcasts and Google and a little more information, where we can say, hey, that didn't feel good, I didn't like this, and I get the opportunity to be a legacy changer. Yeah, there's trauma in childhood or trauma and related to any kind of that, any of that, whether it's business, marriage, motherhood you get to do it different if you don't like the way it was done.
Speaker 2:I love the way my mom loved me. Now, did I love that she was a screamer? No, I said I wasn't going to do that, but there were times I brought that into my parenting but I was able to recognize it and sit down and apologize to my kids.
Speaker 1:You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying that's an example of where I didn't become the legacy changer, but I approached it differently, so hopefully it changes down the road.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that word the legacy changer, because so many women I love that word. The legacy changer because so many women you know, myself included, we often use the term cycle breaker and while that's powerful, I think that can be a lot of weight to feel like it's your job, to like heal the family lineage, versus realizing that, like you can create a new thing, like you're creating a new thing and you're taking the right level of responsibility. You're not taking responsibility for what your parents did or even what happened to you that wasn't your fault. You're saying what am I going to do with it now?
Speaker 2:Now that I know I don't want you to take the victim mentality, I want you to take the victim mentality. Yeah, I want you to change the legacy mentality.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is so powerful because it brings women into this place where they're saying what is mine Not that was my mother's or my grandmother's what is mine and how can I build on this and give my children permission for them to continue building on it too, for them to continue building on it too. There's so much less intense, like shame and just like it just feels so heavy when you call it, when you think of breaking all of these traumas and cycles versus and like building a legacy is such a different energy, but very much the same work and even just something powerful.
Speaker 1:You said, I think, what's really powerful about our current generation of mothers. I really think this is a new thing in parenting. I mean, I'm not like a, I haven't deep dived into like parenting in every era, but it's like that parents look to their children with healthy authority and also as an adult. I'm sometimes wrong, I'm sometimes in the wrong with my behavior or the way or the. Maybe you know the messaging was right but the delivery was off. That's wild, for for many people generationally that, like the adults are still healthy authority but they're no longer this godlike like, mean godlike, not a lot of loving, caring, but like a I will tell you what to do and you will listen and even when I'm wrong and unhealthy, you I'm still right and you're always wrong. I think that's a very new thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think a lot of that goes comes down to communication. I think that and look, let me just be real honest, gentle, parenting is not my style, it never was. It blows my mind kind of. But I do think communication, I do think kids should have a healthy fear of their parents and aspect to respect and things of that nature. You know, like I don't necessarily think that the old school way of parenting, like I know a lot of kids suffer with, I just want my parents to be proud of me, mentality victimized. Now I want my parents to be proud of me too, because they've done such a great job raising me. I want them to look at me and be proud.
Speaker 1:There's a difference does that make sense?
Speaker 2:yeah, while it's not a victim mentality, that's the part of the healthy fear or the the respect factor that I think it's such a boundary. But I do think communication is one of the biggest things and I think instilling that in your kids at an early age being able to communicate their needs, their wants, their desires, their hurts you know, and I feel like that piece that you know, when it was a poor parent choice or whatever and I talked about being able to apologize, I was able to go in that room after it, when I was whatever was, and when I apologized we were to talk things through.
Speaker 1:this helped them become communicators yeah, well, and you're teaching them healthy accountability for become communicators, yeah Well. And you're teaching them healthy accountability for reactions and responses and the actions that we take. And, you know, teaching our kids through leadership. I really see parenting through the lens of leadership because it's like when I don't know what to do or when I am like, am I, am I being too hard, too soft? When I'm in those places, I just check into, like, what would leading my kid look? Like, what would being an example look like how do I bring myself into this place where I know I'm an integrity and in those values of like what you were talking about, that legacy of my kids can't just get a legacy if I don't have a connection to that Right. So I think anchoring into who you are and that identity is just so powerful. Yeah, you I love. I'm still looking at that wall behind you. What was it called your essence? Okay, so your essence words is basically values.
Speaker 2:So you kind of they gave you a list to work off of and you picked out all the words, that kind of like spoke to you and then we grouped ourself up and they helped you pick five essence words. And so, like we were on a coaching call the other day and I was asking a person about when she's like, well, what are your essence words? And I was like ambitious, passionate, wisdom, resourceful and loving, she was like OK, coach. Like that then, oh, OK Again. These are powerful words to me. This is part of the legacy. I want to be loving and passionate. I want to leave wisdom and guide. I want to leave an ambition.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you found some kind of like tangible ways to bring yourself back into that legacy piece for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So it's important I feel like that I stay focused on what my core values are as far as a legacy, you know what I'm saying. I feel like, if you know what your five core value words are, you kind of live by those all the time. If you think about every decision you make comes back to, or why your feelings were hurt Well, if your feelings were hurt because of something, what's your, what's the core value related to that? Yeah, if you think about, like you and your husband getting in an argument like, why are you so upset? What about this? Well, what's the value in this to you? Why is is this important to you? It's not because you want to win a fight. That's not what your value is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so going from the external, like the issue when the issue isn't really the real issue, right, like when the laundry on the floor isn't the like, okay, what's the deeper need or desire? That's kind of going on underneath the surface and speaking to that. Right, I'm curious, you know we're we started this podcast talking about, like how this season has felt so different for you and I. I'm curious like what your values look like in this season, like how they like I thought about that.
Speaker 2:I, I did Um. So the salon just made a post the other day about our core values as a business, as a salon, and I was like and thinking, yeah, we live by that every day. That's what we're founded on, that's what we stand on, that's what we believe in, and the salon's flowing well and functioning well and I'm like, okay, the salon as a business doesn't feel the internal that I feel. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:They feel like yeah, I mean they are separate entities, connected and blended right they are blended but they are separate at the same time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, those core values for the salon speak true to my life as well. It's. I think I'm navigating a season not where I'm questioning my core values, but I'm questioning the power and the pause when, like we talked about earlier, I'm used to being a 90 girl and doing 70 feels off. But there are days it feels good and there are days that I'm like why does this not feel right? Even to the, even to the people around me and in my life? They're like, oh, you're not doing nothing. Their reaction almost makes me feel like, oh wait, I need to, I need to do something. But they're just used to me constantly having something to do and I feel like I need to have something to say back to them sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Instead of like actually no, I didn't ever book myself today and it feels really nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I mean, sometimes we just tell them the truth. It's like you know, when I had met this friend for coffee it was a new friend in that, like we've only met a couple times and we were at a networking event when she was like hey, how have you been? And I was like good and that good. And I was like do you want like the short answer or the long answer? And she was like the long answer. And that's when I like kind of went through, like what we talked about, where I said like I'm good and also like like I've got like something's changing in me, like there's an internal shift that's happening and like it's kind of uncomfy for me and it like feels a little weird and wonky. And it's so interesting that like I've had that conversation with a lot of people now, because I tend to be the I like real answers, right. But what's interesting when they bring that up, if you tell them the real answer there's, can I just tell you I have had I could literally I can see their faces at least four or five women who have said thank you so much for telling me that, because I've been going through the exact same thing and until you said it, I didn't have language for it, like I couldn't explain what I've been going through, and they were like and I've been kind of panicking because this is not the normal for me, and I was like, oh okay, it's fine. I've been through this many times.
Speaker 1:Existential crisis is no new thing to me, hence being a coach right, but you having the language for what you're doing and trusting yourself. I think other people will probably feel a lot of permission for themselves, because I think there's so many high functioners running around, moving at a pace that doesn't match their internal world and it doesn't feel good, but no one's told them that it's OK for everything to look good and still not feel good To look around and be like I love all of this and I kind of want to go watch two movies today. Yes, like I'm tired. Some some part of me needs something different. And then honoring it, you know, taking the time to honor it.
Speaker 2:I think that that takes some intuition, some understanding. I think it takes patience with yourself and a lot of grace. I honestly think it takes practice too, because there are days that, okay, say I don't over put myself, and the time gets still like I've done the things I need to do. Time is still and I'm like, um, then I start making up things to do when I don't have to. You know what I'm saying. It's such a strange feeling, yeah, when that's not your typical mo. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's the muscle, it's really a muscle that you have to practice yeah, well, I I think for so many of us, when we're in this like flight zone, where our bodies are in constant like kind of you you know flight becomes our new normal. We're constantly in this state of like nervous system dysregulation, but that's been our normal for so long. When we start to experience a lower level of energy or emotion or output, it's gonna feel wrong because that's not what we're used to. And I think for so many of us, we assume that any kind of healing or growth or expansion is going to make us faster and more productive and we're going to produce more and we're going to earn more. And it's like, yeah, that is one side of it. And sometimes you feel the sun on your skin more and sometimes you read more fiction books and sometimes you go dancing or hang out with your friends, yes or curl up for a blanket or start doing walks instead of hour long weightlifting sessions every single day.
Speaker 1:Like that is also an expression of health. But I think we have such a our, our culture has such a tiny little window of what we have said is good and great and healthy, and it's missing so much of the texture of like, the wide range of like slow, medium, high health. I'm doing some classes through alchemical alignment and they talk a lot about slow, medium and fast health. That's inside our window of regulation. So it's like there's the like depressed, where you're like too low, and then there's the like when you're activated above and it's like it's too high and you're having this like dysregulation. But like when you're in your window of tolerance, your window of presence, where, like you feel like yourself and you're, you're living in that legacy, there's, there's going to be these waves of like slow, medium and fast health, and so it sounds like, it sounds like you're experimenting with like a medium, slow health that's very new for you where you're feeling into that now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it does. While it feels strange, I'm not resisting it. Yeah, I'm not resisting it. I'm really trying to lean into it and understand it and feel it and process it. Yeah, even when it doesn't feel like my norm.
Speaker 1:I love that. Is there anything that we missed today that you still want to like name or a topic that like we didn't touch yet something that's like what else? Any like period?
Speaker 2:we need to put on a thought that we opened yeah, let me see, I felt I feel like we've kind of touched on a lot today.
Speaker 1:We went in this 2025 has got us in a whirlwind, but I do feel like I do feel like it's either gonna blow up or it's that train's gonna get on track and it's gonna even it out but I mean it's a quarter year that does that mean anything I don't know, and it's funny, I think, right at the beginning of the call we were talking about, neither of us are astrology girls, but all the people that I know who are astrology are saying like this year is supposed to be worse and more chaotic than 2020, and at first I was like that's not good news. And if you look at the news, if you look at politics, if you look at things that are going on, like there's a lot going on. There's a lot going on for most people, more and more for some, some less Also I just I think back to 2020. And when everything outside of me is going crazy, I just keep pulling my energy closer and closer to myself, not so that I disconnect from what's going on, but so that I remember that like personal responsibility of, like what can my hands touch, what can my eyes see, what can my ears hear, and I bring myself back to presence of like you know we were talking about, like there's only so much you control. Yeah, there's only so much you control in motherhood, or your marriage, or the political climate, or the news, or what's happening in other countries. It's like there's only so much you can control, and that doesn't mean that you don't do anything or you don't care.
Speaker 1:But, like I know for me, like that used to paralyze me and so, when people have been telling me like this year is going to be even more so than 2020. It was like, okay, well, 2020 is the year that I launched my business. 2020 is a year that, like I did some massive healing from codependency. Like we can take that chaos, energy and create something with it, like sometimes shaking shit up that's been stagnant for a long time, like it's going to be uncomfortable for stuff to move, but like, maybe these polarities, maybe stuff moving can, can, we can use it as raw material for good. And yeah, we can only do that when we're, when we're locked in on what is mine to do here, what do I have capacity and capability for and what do I not?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I just remind myself that I know who I am and who's I am, and it's all going to be okay.
Speaker 1:Like a mantra when needed, right Like over and over when needed.
Speaker 2:Yes, rinse, repeat, have a sign that says that I love it.
Speaker 1:Of course you do, cause that would Lather rinse repeat. I love it. Of course you do, cause that would be their rinse repeat. That, honestly, lather, rinse repeat, is a really good reminder for myself in this season too, of what are the things that anchor me in. What are the things? Okay, there's a lot I don't know. What do I know? What do I know? What do I know is true? What can we do?
Speaker 2:Yes, and what can I grow on?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm curious what. What's going to help you this year as we go into this crazy year? Tanya?
Speaker 2:I'm curious what it's going to feel like and look like six months in.
Speaker 1:Hmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I typically do a quarter meetings with the business and so I do quarterly check ins with like friends and accountability partners as well, so interesting to see what happens.
Speaker 1:I know, and also to this ownership of like, well, we have, we have at least some part to play and how it goes right. Yeah, that quarterly check-ins is helpful, like when people are like this whole year, I was like I'm doing this week and now, now that I'm out of that, I'm out of that a little bit and now I'm starting to do like, okay, the next month right, it's two months Like, as I'm capacity, I'm starting to build wider range of right. So, yes, I just loved this conversation. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:I love being here. Thank you for having me, yeah. I love chatting with you.
Speaker 1:Same here. Thanks for joining me on today's episode of the motherhood mentor podcast. Make sure you have subscribed below so that you see all of the upcoming podcasts that are coming soon. So that you see all of the upcoming podcasts that are coming soon. I hope you take today's episode and you take one aha moment, one small, tangible piece of work that you can bring into your life. To get your hands a little dirty, to get your skin in the game. Don't forget to take up audacious space in your life. If this podcast moved you, if it inspired you, if it encouraged you, please do me a favor and leave a review, send an episode to a friend. This helps the show gain more traction. It helps us to support more moms, more women, and that's what we're doing here. So I hope you have an awesome day, take really good care of yourself and I'll see you next time.
