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The Motherhood Mentor
Welcome to The Motherhood Mentor Podcast your go-to resource for moms seeking holistic healing and transformation. Hosted by mind-body somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach Becca Dollard.
Join us as we explore the transformative power of somatic healing, offering practical tools and strategies to help you navigate overwhelm, burnout, and stress. Through insightful conversations, empowering stories, and expert guidance, you'll discover how to cultivate resilience, reclaim balance, and thrive in every aspect of your life while still feeling permission to be a human. Are you a woman who is building a business while raising babies who refuses to burnout? These are conversations and support for you.
We believe in the power of vulnerability, connection, and self-discovery, and our goal is to create a space where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
Whether you're juggling career, family, or personal growth, this podcast is your sanctuary for holistic healing and growth all while normalizing the ups and downs, the messy and the magic, and the wild ride of this season of motherhood.
Your host:
Becca is a mom of two, married for 14years to her husband Jay living in Colorado. She is a certified somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach to high functioning moms. She works with women who are navigating raising babies, building businesses, and prioritizing their own wellbeing and healing. She understands the unique challenges of navigating being fully present in motherhood while also wanting to be wildly creative and ambitious in her work. The Motherhood Mentor serves and supports moms through 1:1 coaching, in person community, and weekend retreats.
Follow on IG: @themotherhoodmentor , send me a dm and let me know you found me through the podcast!
Website: https://www.the-motherhood-mentor.com/
Want to join the email fam for free workshops and more support: https://themotherhoodmentor.myflodesk.com/ujaud8t4x9
The Motherhood Mentor
The Power of Pivoting: How motherhood transforms your identity and sense of self with Monica Ortega
Motherhood creates one of life's biggest pivots, fundamentally shifting how we see ourselves and approach life's challenges and opportunities. Monica Ortega shares her journey from LA actress and travel host to Denver mom of two, illuminating how identity transforms us through major life transitions.
In this episode we talk about:
• Comfort zones differ for everyone – for high-achievers, slowing down is often more uncomfortable than facing fears or doing big hard gritty things
• The "messy middle" of pivoting feels chaotic but offers unique opportunities for growth and self-discovery
• Learning to differentiate between feelings and identity helps prevent emotional spirals
• Creating a "badass letter" listing all your past challenges builds resilience for future pivots
• Perfectionism goes to die in motherhood, entrepreneurship, and marriage – flexibility becomes essential
• You can have ambitious goals while extending your timeline to accommodate new seasons of life
• Distinguishing between guilt stemming from internal values versus external expectations clarifies decision-making
• View "failures" as data collection for better future decisions rather than personal shortcomings
• Remember: you can always change direction – no decision is truly permanent
This episode with Monica was so great.
You can find her and her book here.
About Monica:
Monica Ortega is a professional speaker and emcee, bestselling author, and award-winning travel host. She created the online travel show Monica Goes back in 2014 to inspire others to break out of their comfort zones and go on adventures. Her company Pivoting Productions created over 200 episodes and she has been featured in Thrive Global, Entrepreneur, USA Today's 10Best, and more! Monica emcees at some of the biggest music festivals in the nation and has been seen in over 20 commercials. In 2021, she released the best-selling book The Power of Pivoting - How to Embrace Change and Create a Life You Love. Monica now speaks at events around the world helping to inspire others to face their fears, break out of their comfort zones, and learn to lean into the pivot.
Join us next time as we continue to explore the multifaceted journey of motherhood.
Thank you for tuning in to The Motherhood Mentor. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us.
Stay connected with us on social media and share your thoughts and experiences tagging @themotherhoodmentor
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. I'm Becca, a somatic healing practitioner and a holistic life coach for moms, and this podcast is for you. You can expect honest conversations and incredible guests that speak to health, healing and growth in every area of our lives. This isn't just strategy for what we do. It's support for who we are. I believe we can be wildly ambitious while still holding all of our soft and hard humanity as holy. I love combining deep inner healing with strategic systems and no-nonsense talk about what this season is really like. So grab whatever weird health beverage you're currently into and let's get into it. Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. I am so excited for today's episode because I have my friend Monica as my guest. Monica Ortega we met, let's see, two years ago at an Allume Collective event. It was like a self, a personal growth gala event, and we just briefly connected and then it was what like? Was it right after Christmas? Was it like?
Speaker 2:early.
Speaker 1:Two months ago maybe Okay, it was early January and we connected at a like coffee connection and I remember you were just like hey we did the like.
Speaker 1:Hey, how are you Good, how are you? And then you were like, how is your New Year's? And I like pause and I was like, Am I gonna give her the like real answer or the like really easy fake one? And I gave you the like how was your New Year's? And I paused and I was like, am I going to give her the real answer or the really easy fake one? And I gave you the real, more complex, and we just instantly were like, OK, we need to talk more.
Speaker 2:Let's hang out. That was it. I was like deep conversation, let's go.
Speaker 1:I was just like OK, someone who's here to have good, deep, meaningful conversations about life, let's go. So I'm so excited for this podcast today. Will you just introduce yourself?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so well. Thank you for having me. Oh man, I feel like I've lived a million lives. I have been well. I was in the entertainment industry for 20 years, so I was an actress, a singer and a travel host. I hosted an online travel show called Monica Goes and then, in 2020, I wrote a book called the Power of Pivoting, and that just kind of sums up everything since the book came out so much pivoting. Five years ago, I was living in LA, single, as an actress and a travel host, and now I live in Denver, colorado, married with two little ones and doing all the different things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were like I'm going to write called Power to Pivot and then life was like are you now Challenge accepted, challenge accepted? We were talking the other day about how you got into doing like the travel videos and even just like putting yourself out of your comfort zone. Can you talk about like that first pivot of like what got you into doing that?
Speaker 2:yeah. So I was living in LA as an actress and I found myself like on set, just you know, wondering like what time the day would end, and I was like this isn't lighting me up like I thought it would. And so I started reading the book you Are a Badass. And it was like when are you your best self? And for me, I'd been emceeing events like on the side, just kind of doing random hosting jobs, and I was like that, that's what I love. And so I took a hosting class. She said go out, create your dream show as a way to get auditions. And so it was never really meant to be anything.
Speaker 2:I went out hiking because I love to hike, and I started filming myself and I quickly realized that I'm afraid of everything. So I was like, hey, this is the show. Yeah, I was like now I'm just going to like cry on every episode, whitewater rafting and like all these things. But as I was doing it, I realized that, like, on the other side of that fear was this like level of resilience and like confidence that I had never had in my life Because I'd been so afraid to do things, and so I really honed in on it. I spent 10 years facing fears in the travel show and then that kind of became the premise not really the premise, but a big part of the book and a big part of like what I talk about now is using the things that we're afraid of to push out of those comfort zones and get to that level of like confidence and resilience that you can handle the next scary thing.
Speaker 1:I just I love that, because I think so often and this has been a theme in my life recently where, like last season it was it was all about like comfort, because I was in a grief season, Like I needed comfort, I needed ease, and then I'm starting to feel that shift. Now, though, of like wait too much comfort isn't actually satisfying right now, Like I'm actually I'm avoiding doing the good things because they're hard or they're scary or they're uncomfortable. What has that looked like in this season for your life? Like, where are those like pivots of like wait, I'm comfortable? Isn't that a good thing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, this season is totally different. So I have a four month old and a two year old. I am working a full time job, but I'm also building up my business and speaking and all those things. Last year, my comfort zone tends to be hustle, it tends to be work my butt off, have big dreams, like that's just always been who I am. And so stepping into the season of motherhood actually was really hard for me Because, you know, I always wanted to be a mom but I also kind of like judge people that were just a mom because I was doing these crazy things. And then I became a mom and I'm like oh one, it's fantastic. Which go go moms. Like go, stay at home moms, whatever you want to do. But it really shifted my perspective of like who am I now? And so I spent the first year pushing and joining every mastermind and every class and trying to figure out my next business and really just burning out, realizing I wasn't passionate about it. I wasn't really passionate about doing the travel show as much anymore.
Speaker 2:And then this season I stepped into this year. Going okay, first kid made me completely lose my identity. Second kid I don't know what's going to happen. So what if I go in just with a blank slate, just with like curiosity of what's next, and figure out who I am now? Because that old me that I was like trying so desperately to get back to is gone and there was like the grief period of, okay, she's not coming back. So now what does life look like as a mom, as an entrepreneur? All of those things with a lot less hustle. And this year is all about fun. My word is like fun because I realized trying to do all the things was just burning me out, making me kind of a miserable wife. I was like I miss being fun, like I was doing like Tiger King parody videos and my husband met me like oh my god, dude, like now I need to go search for those right, I was like doing stand-up comedy.
Speaker 2:I forgot about Tiger King oh dear, oh my gosh, it was a whole thing. It was a whole thing quarantining alone, it got weird yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 2:but I kind of lost that and I was like, okay, so what if this year I just have fun? So literally my vision board is like roller skating and karaoke and I'm like I'm just gonna play and let myself be easy through the season to figure out what the real like balance feels good to me of motherhood and entrepreneurship, so giant pivot of just kind of being easy on myself and seeing whatever's next.
Speaker 1:Well, and it's such a it's so interesting. I think a lot of times when people think of being uncomfortable, they think of like doing the really hard work. But for a lot of women it's actually more uncomfortable, especially at first, to slow down or to like create that ease, or to be easier on themselves, or to prioritize, like fun and play, as really important, even when it like doesn't immediately look productive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my comfort zone is like type a, like let's plan everything, let's have the big goals, work it back, put together the routine. So it's really difficult for me in this season to just like be, to just be okay without a plan, be okay just trusting, and like taking it day by day, um, which is totally different than like a comfort zone of you know by day, which is totally different than like a comfort zone of you know skydiving. That feels a lot easier. Ironically, this is like a weird yeah, pausing is is definitely out of my comfort zone for me.
Speaker 1:Have you done? Have you gone skydiving?
Speaker 2:Okay, I have gone skydiving in the most epic way because I told my best friend who was my producer I would only do it if it was somewhere beautiful and something unique. And we went skydiving into a vineyard in Lake Chelan, washington. It's the only place that you can do it in the U? S. You literally like slide in and do the wine as you're like cruising into the vineyard. It was amazing.
Speaker 1:Okay, here's the thing. So I became a mom at like 20. So like I didn't. So like I hear, like this life you had and I'm just like what. So my goal is to like experience that life eventually, or like at least a little bit here in motherhood. But, like you know, maybe when my kids are a little bit older I'll be calling you up and be like you know, all those cool badass things you did, I'm ready. I don't know about skydiving that might not be on my bucket list, but like skydiving is actually amazing.
Speaker 2:I'm terrified of heights and like a basic hike will have me crying, but there's something about skydiving like you can't, your brain doesn't register how high you are and it feels like floating more than falling, which is very bizarre to me. But like because you're going at the same speed as the plane, it feels almost like you're like floating. I don't know, it's a weird experience, but yes, I think it's interesting. I had kids, obviously at 39 and 41, like way older in life, and I did a lot of stuff before I had kids. But I feel like it flips for people who have kids that are younger. They get that chance when they're, you know, the kids are out of the house and they're still youngish and they can go do all those things where you know, by the time my kids graduate, I'm going to be like going to a retirement home.
Speaker 1:You are not. Stop it. I don't see that for you at all. But also I just all that to say. I think there's so much beauty in recognizing how we change and how we pivot.
Speaker 1:I think motherhood is one of the biggest changes in people's lives. I think grief is another one. Divorce, job changes there's all these big pivotal moments in our life.
Speaker 1:These big pivotal moments in our life, and I think one of the themes I've talked with a lot of women about lately is just like they've noticed that like their parents didn't really fundamentally change, yes, and like it's so fascinating that I think that that hasn't been my experience. I watched my parents fundamentally change as adults and it was such a gift to me because it reminded me that like I get to keep growing up, I get to keep changing my mind, I get to keep finding, you know, like I think of my mom and she's like just recently getting into things that like 10 years ago I don't even think they were like in her line of vision, and now I see her like and I'm just like, wait, there's so much time and it just reminds me that like there was a before motherhood, there's a during motherhood, but there's also this like after season too, that's gonna come, but even then it's just gonna be us living our lives yeah and that's what I loved in reading your book.
Speaker 1:When you were talking about pivoting, I'm curious, like that middle place of pivoting where, like you realize, like wait, this isn't I'm not where I was, but I'm also not like I'm not, I'm not where I'm trying to go yet yeah, what is like what is the messy middles?
Speaker 2:I will say I'm in the messy middle right now and I kind of fall back on when this has happened in my past and when I kind of put that piece together which for me you know if you've read the book, a big part of it is my divorce all of a sudden I got to like make these choices for myself and decide things. But so one of the big questions I always get is how do I know when to pivot? And then what do I do when I find myself there? So the when I always say there's two extremes.
Speaker 2:There's like I, I know this isn't right for me, when I'm not ready to go yet. Right, and that's totally fine, because we don't want to live with regret and then be like, well, maybe I should have given it longer, or whatever, um. And then there's like I'm being, I'm getting sick, I'm road raging, I'm crying, I don't know why, like your body just physically reacts. So I would say pivot somewhere in the middle. And then, when you find yourself in the pivot first, I think the number one thing people need to learn to do is congratulate yourself, like celebrate the crap out of it because you are no longer in this. Should I stay? Should I go? Sometimes things happen to us and we don't even have that choice. But yeah, life decides for you right.
Speaker 2:Exactly. But now you're in it and it's scary and it's awful and it's uncomfortable, but that is like the biggest blessing to play and get to know yourself and like start taking baby steps to figure out where you're going to go from here. So I think the biggest problem we make is we get in that pivot and we feel like it's chaotic and it's happening to us and we don't have a choice. Instead of going okay, this thing has happened. I'm now in this season whether it's good, bad, uncomfortable, whatever, now I get to figure out where I'm going to go. So let's have fun with it. Let's start pushing out of those comfort zones and trying new things and maybe figure out some maps for yourself and if you like it, cool. And if you don't change. But you're not stuck in anything.
Speaker 2:So I actually kind of love this weird messy phase, as uncomfortable as it is. I keep saying like I can't wait to meet who I'm going to be as a mom, like I am a mom, but like who I'm going to be when I like settle into it and the hormones get back to normal or normal-ish, but like I'm so excited to meet that person, even though right now I'm in this season of I'm in the pivot and it's super uncomfortable and I don't like it at all. I know I'm going to love it because I can look back on that season post divorce where the emotions were insane but I never felt more like myself because all of a sudden I didn't know what was next and I kind of got to make those decisions for myself. So looking back on it, I see all the blessings in that messy middle, even if it's uncomfortable at the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love what you're saying because it's not this like oh, things are pretty here, things feel really good here. But one of the things I caught, you know, I was in the season this last winter where like shit got shaken up deeply internally and on the surface everything looked normal, like the pivots for me weren't happening externally. It wasn't like jobs weren't changing, marriages weren't changing, like nothing really on the outside was changing. But internally I felt these fundamental shifts and breaks happening and I just kept reminding myself all I have to do is not panic, literally. There were some days where I could feel myself start to spiral of like, oh, I'm repressing or I'm going backwards, or this is like a bad thing. And then I just had to like okay, one, don't panic. Two, don't spiral in this, don't like get into this place where I'm just overthinking and making meaning out of things instead of just accepting them as they are, telling myself the truth about the discomfort or the hard parts and then also feeling that ownership and agency Like I really heard that in what you said of like how we're in those messy seasons, those messy middles where there's this pivot either that life gave us or that like we are somewhat choosing, or it's somewhere weird in the middle.
Speaker 1:I heard you say, like there's this acceptance in it and there's this where is your choice and your agency and what is your perspective? And especially the perspective of this isn't the first time this has happened to you, but I think a lot of people forget to bring our good lessons from the past with us into the present. I feel like we're so good at bringing our old bullshit back. We're like, oh I, like we bring all of our like. We bring out this big record of all the times we've done wrong. We forget that giant record of like you've had big pivots before. You've had the rug pulled out of under you before. What did you do then? What do you remember? What do you know? So I'm curious like what are some of those tangible things that people can remember when they're in that like messy, spiraling, like what, what the hell is happening? Pivot moments?
Speaker 2:So two things when I start to spiral, the number one thing for me, like mental health wise and I always say I'm not an expert, but like just things I've done for myself is to try to prevent that spiral. Right, you start to feel it coming. Disprove the lie, disprove whatever your brain is telling you. So if my brain is saying I'm not successful, I will write out all the reasons I've been successful in the past. Or I'll call a friend and I'll say I don't. My brain is telling me not, I am. My brain is telling me I'm not successful. Is this true? And if not, give me proof. And then she can usually pull me out and go well, here's X, Y and Z that you've done, that made you successful. Or, like a guy doesn't call you back, you go down that spiral of all the things that you did wrong. All the only truth is he didn't call you back. Everything else is made up. So we have to get to like what's the actual truth and try to prevent that spiral.
Speaker 2:The other thing that I love to do is write a bad-ass letter, and I will do this in a few different ways. One you can just bullet, point out everything you've ever done. That's scary, that's hard, that you've made it through, because we don't often keep stock of that and I think we feel like, oh, it has to be. I won an award or I did this really giant thing I became a mom. Those are amazing and they should go on the list.
Speaker 2:But, like, have you ever been on a date? That is scary? Like, have you ever gone to lunch by yourself? Like any little tiny thing that has pushed you out of your comfort zone? Write it down so that when you have those moments of feeling like I cannot handle this thing that's happening to me, you can look at that and go I have made it through all of these things. I know I can make it through this and I'll do it in small ways. You know, when I was single, I would write myself a letter Like, if a guy broke up with me, I'd be like dear Monica, you are a badass. That guy is an idiot. Here's why you're amazing, you know, and you build yourself up. You tuck it away so that when you have those days of doubt, you have something there to kind of bring you back to a place of confidence.
Speaker 2:So, I'm super type A. I like having toolkits and all the things in place to like get myself mentally in a better place. And sometimes you just have to be in the crap and like feel crappy. And you don't always have to like I gotta pull myself out and be positive, but it's still good to have those things because you don't want to stay in the crap either.
Speaker 1:But I think what's important is you're differentiating between like feeling like crap and being crap. I think that's that's huge in the mental health world. That people don't talk about is that, like, you are allowed to talk back to your brain, you, you have a lot of agency and choice when it comes to the mental emotional patterns and spirals, and I think a lot of people have never learned how to interrupt them. They feel like they're just it's just happening to you, versus understanding that, like, when you have these thoughts or these feelings, these emotional spirals that are happening, you are allowed to interrupt them, and you can interrupt them with sarcasm, you can interrupt them with friendship, you can interrupt them with those thought patterns that you were talking about, and I think what's healthy, though, too, is you're differentiating between I'm having an experience and this is me, yeah, this is actually true Like that.
Speaker 2:Is this actually true? Because nine times out of 10, you're going to have proof that it's actually not true. It's just how you're feeling and that's totally fine, but like you can't let that feeling become your identity.
Speaker 1:Which I really think our culture has done a disservice to everyone. But and I think this is especially true in women there is this big narrative of like your emotions are valid, your, your emotions are true and real. And it's like, yes, your emotions are important, but, like your emotions are often not based on reality. And that doesn't mean we gaslight ourselves out of our emotions, but there's there's this healthy medium where it's like we need to be able to be compassionate with what we're feeling and we also need to be able to understand when they're not based off of reality and fact. They're based off of a perception or a story or a belief, or like a past thing that happened. That like isn't true in this moment, but it's become this like deeply ingrained belief.
Speaker 1:And I say that because I think there's there's so many women who are like scared of emotional work because they're like, oh, becca's going to make me feel my feelings, and it's like, yes, and Becca's going to help you understand when your feelings aren't based in reality and you're not responding to like what's actually happening. And how do you feel what's going on right now? How do you understand when your feelings aren't are valid and you need to be able to feel them and name them and have compassion. And also sometimes you need boundaries with your feelings, like, just like our little kids, I I love my kids and I really want to nurture and be compassionate with their feelings. And also sometimes their feelings need boundaries and logic and like is this a mountain or a molehill? We can do that to ourselves, but I don't think those are skills that many people have learned, especially even really really smart, healthy, happy adults. We just didn't learn those skills of spiraling and not spiraling. So I love I love those like tactile, tangible ways to support them.
Speaker 2:I will also. So I've experienced just very small bouts, but bouts of depression, bouts of anxiety I think most people if you're human, you probably have. I started building out a toolkit for those, and what I mean is I will write down things that I know has worked in the past to pull me out of those situations and I don't get to stay in any of them too long. So like if my depression toolkit maybe one thing I write is stay in bed and cry and just watch happy movies and feel like crap, but the next day I have to choose something else off that list, like call a friend or um, you know, take myself out to lunch, whatever these things that I have on my list, I can't stay in just one. So, yes, I can pick that one and maybe stay in it for a day or two, but you can't like stay.
Speaker 2:All right, now we got to switch it up. Let's try something else. If I'm anxious, all right, I'm going to go for a run and burn that off. Okay, that's not helping. Maybe I'll write out how I feel. But it's this like trial and error to get yourself out of that spiral, because that's like you have to catch it at the beginning. If you let it go, that's when it can get really dangerous and we can really get attached to those feelings as our worth.
Speaker 1:Well, and that what you just shared is so powerful, because I think our culture is obsessed with self-care that feels good and it's like, yeah, that's all good and great, but like if you're, if you're only doing what you want and what feels good, that's not healthy relationship. And I think motherhood, if anything, makes this very, very obvious. Because if you think of your kids, your motherhood can't just be soft and sweet in your nurturing, giving your kid what they want. It also has to be giving your kid what they need when they don't want it. Wouldn't it make sense that self-care is the same for us, that sometimes taking care of ourselves means doing things that in the moment we don't want to do them because we know it will benefit us, that it will help us? So it's like we need that ferocious mother for ourselves.
Speaker 1:And I think, and that's see this like it gets me on fire because I think so many women, they know that for their babies, they know it for their businesses and I'm like okay, therefore you know it for yourself, you just apply. If I was making this decision for my daughter, what?
Speaker 2:would I choose.
Speaker 1:What would I do? What would I tell her to do?
Speaker 2:And then you make yourself do that. I've done like the treat yourself as a best friend. But I love the idea of being a mother to yourself, because I don't. I didn't really get what that was until I became a mom. And you know, at the beginning they're babies and you just have to keep them alive. And then they grow up and you're like, oh, I have to make sure you don't turn into an asshole and I actually have to, like you know, work with you on stuff.
Speaker 1:They turn into this teenager, and I mean, being a mother has been the greatest gift, not only in like that I get to love my kids, but it has. It has fundamentally shifted the way that I understand and see myself. It has pivoted the way that I take care of myself, because I can. I am the best at bullshitting myself Right, and the more therapy I do, the more coaching I do, the better I get at it Like I'm. I'm I am phenomenal at bullshitting myself and I don't like I'm saying that cutely and like.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's like funny things, but like sometimes like it's actually not great, because I'm really, really good at high functioning over my needs and pretending I don't have hard emotions and like I'm really good at sweeping things under the rug of good and grateful. But where, where the line always gets drawn for me is, I'll be like Becca, would you feed the way, would you feed your daughter the way you feed yourself? Becca, if she, if she, was feeling the way you were feeling, would you talk to her that way? And and that instantly. It like it every single time. It never fails me to be like no, no. Or when I'm struggling with my husband, I'll be like oh, how would I talk to my son? Because we're all just humans having a human experience, and it's like motherhood, that love of a mother. It's like sometimes it needs to be soft and gentle and nurturing and sometimes it needs to be hard on them, sometimes it needs to tell them truths they don't want to hear, sometimes it needs to prepare them for things that, like, I don't want them to experience but they're going to anyways, and that has been massive.
Speaker 1:But I think I think we are sold, especially as mothers, and then also in the entrepreneur world. I think there's this like pink washing that happens I don't sometimes that term just like easily describes it where I feel like we're given these like cute soft tools for really hard fucked up things. Right, like you're on the roller coaster of emotions and entrepreneurship and people are like have you tried being positive? And I'm like, have you tried a gratitude list? Like, yes, I have. I've tried being grateful, I've been grateful all my life and like that doesn't actually help me, like that doesn't. Like gratitude is a powerful skill, do not get me wrong. It's like it's a tangible powerful thing and like we need more than that on some days. Right, like we need some more depth.
Speaker 2:This actually gets me really excited because you know how I said, I'm really excited to meet the person I'm going to become as a mom. And you telling me that is like I can take that and I can not only like raise good humans but raise myself better than I have in the past, because it's one thing to like be a girl boss or be the best friend, but it's totally different as a mom. So thank you for that, like I'll be really excited for that season.
Speaker 1:And I do think the friend thing is helpful, you know, because there's some circumstances that, like I, you know, I just fundamentally can't picture my kids in yet because they're too little. So the friend thing is helpful, but, like you have less control over a friend than you do yourself, you have less input and influence in a friend's life than you do in your own. And so I think that motherhood is an interesting one because it brings back this element of responsibility right. Like what am I actually responsible for? And I think a lot of women are taking over responsibility for their lives, like they are hyper controlling and manipulating every little area of life because they don't trust themselves, and I'm like that's also not a healthy, right relationship with yourself, that's the reason I'm fighting it is because every part of me wants to be type A and plan everything.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, the kids get up and the day gets behind and chaos happens and I'm realizing like the way I've done it in the past doesn't actually work and I don't want it to. I don't want to try to hyper control everything in my life as a mom. So it really is that stepping back and being like what is it like if I have a loose plan? But then we learn to pivot on the daily, not just in the big things in life, but like things happen and we have to quickly make shifts. What does that look like?
Speaker 1:It's, it's so good and I think you're so right of. It becomes a more. It's not that you don't have structures, and it's not that you don't have systems, and it's not that you don't have some level of control. It's that it renegotiates what that looks like, I think. I think motherhood and entrepreneurship are very similar in this. I also think marriage could probably go in there too, where you start realizing it doesn't matter how perfectly I do this, I don't always get the outcome I wanted.
Speaker 1:I feel like I feel like this is where perfectionism goes to die is motherhood and marriage and entrepreneurship especially if we got the three of them all going on at the same time is like I tried. I think a lot of women tried, and, like a lot of women look successful at it, like it looks pretty perfect. What's interesting, though, is like so many of those women, they end up burning out because they get so good at rigidity that they have. They have to build up this disassociation of self. It's like going through the motions of doing all of the right things, but none of it feels the same. None of it feels great, and it's like that's not what anyone really wants.
Speaker 1:But I think a lot of women find themselves there, and so I think, allowing perfectionism to die without the ambition dying, renegotiating and the pivoting of like, yes, you can still do this, it's just going to look different and it might feel different. And your consistency, it's not going to be 90 every day. It's going to be 81 day and 10 the next or this week. It's 40 all week. But, like, anything worth doing well is also worth doing half-ass. And then also, sometimes, when you're doing it half-ass, you have to be like, okay, is this me being compassionate with myself, or is this me avoiding the hard work that I'm capable of doing? But all of that comes from relationship to yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah and I think you know that was last year for me was feeling like I needed control and I needed to get back to this person that I knew, who was in hustle mode, and so that looked like joining every program, every coaching, every mastermind, going to every event because I thought that would give me the answer. That's the control is going to these outward things and then realizing I actually had to go inward and be like maybe I don't want to do those things anymore and that's okay, or maybe it's going to look totally different. I always say, like I still have these big goals, but now, instead of like, one of the things I hate is when people are like collapse the timeline, collapse the timeline, do it in less time, do it in a year, and I'm like that is not. That doesn't feel good to me in this season, because doing that means I'm giving up something else of being a mom, being present, like my marriage, whatever it may be.
Speaker 2:So maybe it looks like extending that timeline and going I can still have these big goals and do these things, but maybe it happens in five years or maybe it happens in 10 years, like, maybe it happens in 50. Like I don't know, I probably won't live to 50, maybe, but maybe 30 years. But I'm just saying, like I think we have this, this image that we have to have it figured out now, and especially in motherhood, because so much changes at least at the very beginning, at least it did for me that that is the time to, like, give yourself the grace to figure it out and have some sort of structure, but like, like you have to let the perfectionist thing go because everything around you is chaotic.
Speaker 1:Man, I just I felt, I felt the relief in my body when you're talking about expanding the timeline, because I think I mean it's wild the messaging of we can have it all and we can have it all right now and we can be so present, and it's like I do think there are many women who have that and that's real for them. But the the experience I see much more often and common is like I can have it all, but it requires me to move at a pace where I'm missing it all at the same time. Exactly, and I think it is so hard for women because already there is a grief when you're putting your business on the back burner, right, I think of like I've worked with a lot of women who they already had big, successful careers, they already had success in business that I've never reached yet, and they're having the hardest time putting these things on the back burner while saying this my kids need me, my family needs me and I can go 90, but I don't want to anymore because when I'm going that fast I'm missing it, and sure, there's all of these different ways that you can build business. That changes it sometimes, but it depends what industry you're in. It depends, and so it's like it's so hard when we create this singular dream of what success looks like and feels like. But we're being sold it constantly and I'm someone who, like I think of these women I work with. They're very smart, they're very emotionally intelligent as well, and I think we unconsciously buy into these things that we're seeing because our animal bodies are going this is what culture is doing, this is what you are capable of.
Speaker 1:When individually in women's lives, they're going like I don't know if I can do that, or I don't know if I want to, or my season or my capacity, or like my marriage or my home or my motherhood or my business, it's like that's so much, that's so much. And it's such a relief to have these conversations where we say, like can you have it all? Some people can, some people want to, some people are set up for that, and then like also there's a reality that, like some people can, some people want to, some people are set up for that, and then like also there's a reality that, like, some people don't want to or they don't, they're not willing to pay the cost of it, because having it and holding all of it, even if it's really good stuff. It's a lot, it's a lot.
Speaker 2:I think I always say you can't have it all. You just can't have it all at once. Um, and one of the hardest things for me, my limiting belief my whole life was I get a family or I get a career, especially in the entertainment industry, and so I was always pushing for one or the other. So becoming a mom was like well, I guess there goes my success. And at the same time COVID was happening, I lost my travel show, like all the things, and so there was a lot of grief in that, and I also realized I attached myself to the title to what I was doing, became who I was If I wasn't on TV and people weren't going oh my God, I saw you on a commercial.
Speaker 2:I saw this, I watched that. I felt like I was not lovable. I felt like I had no worth. My whole worth was wrapped up into being a quote unquote celebrity. I wasn't a celebrity but I'm saying like that goal, that notoriety, I guess, Um, and so that was a huge shift. When I became a mom. It's like, well, who am I if I'm not doing these really cool things that people look at me for? And then, you know, people would say, oh, bring your kids, do a travel show with kids. There is not like that sounded god awful to me.
Speaker 2:We went to Europe with my two year old. He was 18 months at the time. I think I have two photos from that trip because no part of me wanted a photo or wanted to stop and film and do things. Like it was either chaotic in a bad way or chaotic in the most wonderful way, but like no part of me wanted to make that, my career really shot. Shocking for me because I thought, oh, I'll have kids and then we'll do the travel show, it'll keep going and it was really jarring to wake up and go okay.
Speaker 1:I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:So if I don't want to do that, and that's what I've identified myself as. So if I don't want to do that and that's what I've identified myself as, then what's left? And you know, spending a full year of like, pushing at that and then being like what if I don't want that, and what if it takes me five years to figure out what I actually want? But, god forbid, I actually end up very happy having it all, just not all at the same time.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and I think that, like that renegotiating and that pivoting, there's so much permission there of like you don't have to be set in one thing, and even just identity of you know, I can think of five years ago or 10 years ago it's like identity shifts.
Speaker 2:And you can always go back to. This is the thing I learned. Like I moved to Nashville to become a singer and I ended up getting acting work and I was like, oh, I guess I'm done singing, I guess music's out of my life forever. And then I moved to LA to become an actress and I joined a band, like it. Just, you can always go back. So maybe you become a mom and there's like a season of slowing things down and then, five years from now, I'm like you know what A travel show sounds? Great, let's do it again.
Speaker 2:You know, I think we have this conception, that this misconception that once we make a decision, it's permanent, that's our life. Everything behind it is gone. Like no, we can always pivot and change. You have to go with like what feels good in the moment not all the time Cause, like you said, responsibilities but like what direction feels right at the time and trust that anything in the back, if it's meant to come back and you still miss it and you still love it, you can do that too. I I'm really tired of that narrative of like you make a decision and then everything else is gone. You've made that call, that's it from here on out and then everything else is gone. You've made that call, that's it from here on out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is which is so, so important, because I think so often we feel stuck when we're not, and I think a lot of women they don't. They don't deeply trust themselves to make decisions because we've put so much pressure on. There is one right decision, there's a right way for you to choose this. And I know it sounds like the silliest little example, but I remember when we were looking at schools for my daughter and it felt like the biggest decision ever. There was so much pressure on like where do we send her? Do we like enroll her here? Do we homeschool? There was like all these and it felt so heavy and I never forget realizing if it doesn't work, we can change her school. Like literally this, like light bulb of like if it doesn't work, we can change our mind. And I think so many women they're trying to build self-trust in I always make the right decision.
Speaker 1:And it's like I trust people who frequently mess up, but then when they do mess up, frequently mess up, but then when they do mess up, they mess up for the right reasons or they, they, they choose something that seemed really right and it was really good, and then when it changes, they tell me that they've changed their mind, they've grown, they've adapted. They've said, like this isn't what I want anymore. And it's like I trust those people more. I trust the women who tell me no, or who hey, or who hey, we have a dinner next week. Okay, I've changed my mind. When I scheduled this, it worked, but like now it doesn't. It's like I trust that more than someone who doubles down and is like I made this right decision and it's a good thing. And it's like trusting yourself is not I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I need to make the right decision. Like trusting yourself is not I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I need to make the right decision. It's am I making the decision for reasons I like Exactly, and then trusting myself enough that, like future Becca, whatever that looks like she can change her mind, she can go a different direction, she can backpedal, like there are some decisions that are really really big, but the reality is is like you're making a decision by not choosing to.
Speaker 1:You're making a decision by by, by staying, and I think that's really powerful too. When we're talking about pivoting, I used to be someone who would just avoid the decision-making. But I think what was really powerful is when I realized that, like, staying was a choice. It brought me back into realizing I'm not trapped here, I'm choosing to stay here. And that realization is what gave me the power to stay in a different way, to stay in a new I'm going to do this differently because now I'm not just doing it because I should or because I have to, or because I'm trapped. I'm staying because, like, I'm choosing this, yeah.
Speaker 2:How am I going?
Speaker 1:to stay.
Speaker 2:It comes down to like, like you said, your intentions are your intentions, that I'm doing the best with what I have and what I know, I'm going in the direction that feels good, because all of the evidence I have is telling me that this is the right way to go. And then, yes, being able to pivot, being able to change, because, like I said, the worst part is that, should I stay, should I go, and you stay too long, like you said, you double down on it. This was me last year doubling down. I'm going to join everything, I'm going to force this even though it doesn't feel good. And then, yeah, I'm road raging, I'm crying, I'm getting sick because your body starts rejecting it going. This is not the right way, and the longer we stay in that, the more we do damage to ourselves. And so I always say pivoting is like a muscle, and the better we get at it, the more we put these tools in place, the faster we get at making those decisions, the faster we get at recognizing okay, now I'm at that point where this doesn't feel good anymore. I got to shift. Oh, I shifted too soon. I can go back. Okay, now I'm ready, I shift again.
Speaker 2:But like being able to make those decisions faster and faster is what's going to help you get in the direction you want to go sooner. And it's not a speed thing because, like I said, we do need to kind of expand the timeline sometimes but it in terms of like what's feeling good. Most of the time we're always going in the direction that actually we want to be going in. That might change tomorrow, and then we're going in a direction that feels good for that day. But, like you have to kind of take those cues before you get to the point of like I'm doubling down, I'm miserable in this, but I committed to it, so I'm stuck in it.
Speaker 2:I remember, you know, when I got depressed I was actually it was my freshman year in college and I was miserable at the school, absolutely miserable, and I felt like I was, for I made this decision it's the college I'm going to graduate from. I have to be here for years and I ended up leaving. And then, years later, when I went to move to Nashville, I was telling my dad I said, you know what if it's like Chicago? What if I get there and I just end up really, really depressed and I hate it and he goes well, then you change, then you leave, and I was like I can Like it's that simple and I think that totally shifted my perspective, that yes, if something doesn't feel good, you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm curious. Okay, so you're we were. We were just talking about like the things that we doubled down on and like working so hard and I'm thinking, okay, I'm just going to share, Does that work? Let's get into it.
Speaker 1:My retreat I don't even know if I've told you this, friend wise, I had to cancel my retreat, okay, and like so was it two. It's two weeks ago now and I heard myself say I made the really hard decision to cancel my retreat. But, if I'm being really honest, it didn't feel like I made the decision to cancel it. It felt like life forced my hand to cancel it. And I say that because I was literally at this point where I was like I can technically keep fighting for this, but I finally hit that point where I was like I can't do this anymore. But what's so hard? Monica and I still don't have an answer for this, and I'm and I'm not I'm being really intentional to not try to make it mean something like about retreats. So this is the first retreat that I've ever had to sell. It's the first retreat that I've ever had to market. Every other retreat has like sold mostly to clients, with a little, maybe a little bit of work on my end, right? So one, this was a new hard thing because, like, I've never actually marketed a retreat before. So there was like that little bit of discomfort of it takes longer. It always takes longer than you think it's going to it. You have to talk about it three times as much as you think you should.
Speaker 1:And but there was one point in the selling process of the retreat and I was talking to my friend and I was like it feels like I'm pushing a boulder up a hill. And she was like, feels like you're pushing a boulder up a hill. She was like what, if you just like let it go. But everything in me is like, well, no, but this is what I want, I want this retreat, I love this retreat. And even after canceling it I had so much grief of like wait. I loved the timing, I loved the retreat. I could like picture it. I could picture me and the women there, I could picture this retreat house and the whole time through the process, everything in me was like this is the good right, kind of hard. And then I got to the end of it, canceled, and it was like, okay, well, it's a pivot. Here we are and it was like, okay, well, it's a pivot, here we are.
Speaker 1:But when you were talking about that like doubling down, it's something that's interesting for me because there's some things in my life where they have felt so hard but then they ended up being the right kind of hard. So how do you know, or do you? Is it like this internal? Internal, it just feels different. Is it this knowing, when it's like because I did have this moment where I was like, wow, should I have months before then called the retreat because I had moments. I have had several moments where I thought do I need to cancel this retreat? And I've never had that before. But every time I had that I was like, why would I cancel this? I love these retreats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we can't just always go with that first thought right, because then we never get anything done because things get hard and your thought pops up and you're like, is this my gut telling me I should quit and do you know, go travel the world, whatever it may be. But I think sometimes it doesn't make sense until down the road and you're looking back and I actually I've been in this situation. I I did a women's retreat, loved it, lost a lot of money because I loved it so much that I was willing to basically give, give the tickets away because I wanted to do it. And then I planned another one. Every part of me didn't want to sell it. It was the selling and I love the product. Still, I have written it. I have I call it a parking lot of ideas. You know, like I'm going to have a podcast. Here's the three books I'm going to write, and so it's there and I do believe I will do a retreat again. But it's not the right time. It just doesn't feel good.
Speaker 2:Now there are some things that it's it's the selling that's hard, because I'm sure, like the actual retreat would have been amazing and that's probably what's hard to latch onto is going. The product was right, it was the selling it was that. So sometimes it is getting help, maybe from resources. You know, hiring a selling coach I know there's people that teach about selling that I'm just not good at, so it could be something like that. It could be a timing thing, but yeah, recognizing that it's okay to walk away from it. I did a whole re rebrand LLC to become a coach and I put together a mastermind and I hated it. I did it one time and I was like nope, not for me, I'm not selling courses, I'm not doing this, and that was embarrassing to be like, nevermind all that social media posting. So there is some of that too. Is that we attach? You know we get embarrassed when we feel like we've pivoted or we've had to pivot. There's that like shame of, like feeling like a failure because all I've been talking about is this one thing and now I'm not doing it. And how do I look to people? First of all, nobody's paying attention, nobody cares, they're all worried about their own shit. But but it feels that way and that's part of the grief too, when you have to like let something go that you loved and it just didn't work out and I think you have to like, be kind to yourself, recognize that it could just be a timing thing, because if you love the actual product, it might be scaling it down. You know, doing a half a day in Denver where there's not a lot of overhead and you can do the thing you love. If two people show up, you can still do it. Um, it might just be looking at things differently. It might just be something for later down the road. But again, this is this goes on the badass letter. I fucking planned a retreat, even if it didn't go like I did it. I did the hard thing. I, you know, promoted it, I sold, I did these things that were really uncomfortable for me. It's not a failure in that way because there's a lot of skills that come from it that will make sense down the road and I truly trust that in every hard thing in my life, even though I'm like this doesn't make sense right now, but I'm gathering the skills that someday it's going to make sense.
Speaker 2:I emceed a big event and I this was I emceed my first big event after I told everybody I'm going to be a full-time speaker and emcee and I mispronounced people's names and they got up and made a point to tell me and it just it went from bad to worse. Like it, just as the two hour award ceremony came up, like more mistakes were made. Everybody pointed out. They started laughing. Like it, just as the two hour award ceremony came up. Like more mistakes were made. Everybody pointed out. They started laughing Like it was horrible. I went to the bathroom and I'm crying at intermission and this girl comes up to me and she goes this must be awful, cause you just told everybody that you're going to be an MC and I'm like are you kidding? Like I was like bawling and the next day I got up and I had to go speak. The next day and I went. You know what? This is going to be amazing material when I'm teaching people to talk about this someday, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I was like this is that moment that sucks. It feels horrible, I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed, it feels God awful. It's going to make an amazing ted talk someday, you know. Or like an amazing part of my book. Like here I'm on a podcast now talking about it. So like, sometimes we have to just reframe it and go. This sucks in the moment, but these skills that I'm putting together right now are really going to serve future, me, yeah, and then pat yourself on the back and give yourself grace too, because I think all of us who are in entrepreneurship have had something that didn't sell, that we had to let go or try to pot. You know I had a podcast and I don't do that anymore. So like there's all sorts of things that we try and it's kind of throwing pasta at a wall and hoping it sticks sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so interesting. I kind of had to go through the different stages of grief, yeah, mostly of just like the retreat not happening. So this would have been my seventh retreat. And when I tell you like these are my favorite weekends ever, and even all of my clients like it's their favorite weekends ever, and it was interesting, I was talking with the client who was signed up and I was, like you know, holding space for like hey, it's okay to be like disappointed.
Speaker 1:And she was like well, I kind of want to hold back on the disappointment. So I like don't make you feel bad. And I was like actually, like laid on me as thick as you've got it, because it was really interesting. I went I hope this is okay with my husband that I'm sharing. I think it will be the other day when I was luteal and I was kind of like on that brink of like I was pretty sure I was going to have to cancel it, but I was going to give it like one or two more weeks. I was like people always wait last minute, like I'm not going to give up, I'm going to go to the last day that I can, basically. And I went to him and I started talking about it and he did the very loving thing and like, gave me solutions and really practical ideas.
Speaker 2:And instantly I was like you're hurting my feelings. He was like okay, Tell me, it's going to be okay and I'm pretty.
Speaker 1:Those were the literal words out of my mouth. I was like I just need you to tell me that I'm doing a good job. And he was like I love you, I'm going to go back in the garage. And I was like I need to go. Voxer, one of my friends, like I love you so much I don't know what like, and it's not like he said anything wrong, but it was so fascinating Because as soon as he started talking, he gave some really practical advice.
Speaker 1:That was, it was very wise, but like one of the things he said is like maybe this, maybe the retreats just don't make sense. And I had this giant, like almost violent reaction in my body of like fuck you, but. But that was powerful. And when I did, when I canceled this retreat, when I tell you, monica, that, like my full body devotion for these weekend retreats and like the weekend retreats don't get me wrong, I'm going to do the day retreats and like my marketing brain and my business brain they're back online now to like the problem solving of like what is within my control, what can I change, what can I do? But when I tell you that, like, my full body is like no, this is the thing, though. Like it's not that the retreats aren't happening. In fact, I'm more invested now than I was before, which is fascinating, because there was an embarrassment when I was selling it, when I had this like wait, no, I've done this before. I've had sold out retreats.
Speaker 1:My retreats are profitable from my second retreat from a business standpoint, but from a practical standpoint, I was like why isn't this working? And I'm glad we're talking about this, I think because there was so much embarrassment, because I think in the entrepreneurial world you hear about people's failures, but you often don't hear about them until they're already successful. You don't hear about the pivots and the messy moments while you're in them, while you're in the dirt and the grime and the like. Why is this happening to me? And like, going between this, like super victim-y place of like oh, it's all just timing, which, like don't get me wrong, could be a thing, it could be a thing. And also I'm like, okay, well, that's out of my control. What is within my control? What can I do when, like, I'm not just going to leave it to fate and quote, unquote manifest it, because if manifesting it would have worked, it would have happened. I was pushing the boulder up the hill manifestation wise Like anyway yeah, a couple good points you made.
Speaker 2:I love that you had that visceral reaction, because I think can be it can be a great way to tell if you're on the right track for something Right, because there's definitely times where I don't know, when I question myself and I go back and forth, ask somebody, like when I had that coach tell me collapse the timeline, every part of me went, ew, no, like I need to pause, and so that was a. That's a good indication. And like even writing those things down, like okay, what, what am I feeling? In this moment, when people have told me to be a coach, I'm like, nope, not for me. Like, but sometimes we have to hear somebody suggest something to get that reaction, to know if it's right or wrong, right, and so those can be indications to lead us where we want to go now.
Speaker 2:Okay, so now you know retreats a hundred percent. This is what feels good, this is a big part of my business, it's going to be a big part of my business. So then we look at it tactically. Then you start looking back in like a business who's made a mistake, goes through their things and goes what works, what didn't, what felt good but didn't, what part of the selling process held you up? What part? Was it the price point? Was it the location? Was it the posting on social media?
Speaker 2:Start figuring out what points you didn't like and figure out maybe a different way. So maybe you co-host a retreat so you don't have to be the only one selling or you don't have to take on the financial burden. Maybe you hire out help for this one part that sucked. But it's kind of looking back going okay, the retreat is definitely a product that I want in my business. So what parts didn't feel good and how can I make that easier next time? And that's why it's all part of like. The learning lesson is sometimes we need those failures to get really good at the strategy. So next time you go in, you sell it out really quick and then you've got that strategy in place for every retreat that comes afterward.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good. And one of the things I love that you said is playing with that tension and that resistance, because I think a lot of us fear that. We fear the inner conflict and the outer conflict and I think what was really important one I just have to name that like that was such a moment of health for me to be able to, in the moment, realize like wait, he's not doing anything wrong, he's not being mean. There was this inner conflict and like that was the tension in the rub and I think a lot of people avoid that because it's highly uncomfortable. It doesn't feel squishy, it doesn't feel warm and gooey, it feels like so much agitation and so much energy and it's like I really think we need to learn how to be with it and how to understand it.
Speaker 1:Because I think sometimes that resistance and that tension will come up when we're doing something out of alignment, and sometimes it'll come up when we are in alignment and someone questions it and it reminds us of how much this matters to us.
Speaker 1:And I think you know, mom, guilt is thrown out so much, and I think it's thrown out in the entrepreneur world too, where it's like you feel guilty for what you're doing.
Speaker 1:I really think that the like, the medicine for that is learning to be able to hold tension and understanding like, is that guilt, an internal tension, with what you believe and what your behavior is, or is it an external tension of like you and them disagree, because that's different. That's like a very different thing to say like oh, they're saying something that's poking at a wound that I need to pay attention to. Yeah, whether it's a meaning wound right, where, like, I need to pay attention to. Yeah, whether it's a meaning wound right when, like, I had to. Really, that moment gave me a lot of clarity around one, I'm really solid and like what I want to do with this. I love that. Two, it also gave me this like permission of like, oh, I might be like investing a little too much of my worth and goodness in this as a business, like a little bit of that like wait, I'm going to be okay either way.
Speaker 2:Like you have to look at the end of that feeling so is. Am I feeling that like, fuck you know, I'm going to do this because it's pride, because I'm embarrassed to, not because I feel like I'm a badass and I can do it, screw you. Or is it I feel that because I know this is going to help these women at this retreat and I will die on that hill? Like that's the difference of like where is that intention coming from? Because sometimes I'm a stuff I'm stubborn to a fault.
Speaker 2:This is a really probably bad story to tell on a podcast, but I used to uh, work at a resort that was all within a three mile radius and when I would drink, people would take me home and be like you're done, and I would have that. No, I'm not, and I would jog three miles back to the bar just to prove them wrong. And I'm like. I'm like people need to not tell me I can't do something because I'll do it to a fault. So it's recognizing like am I doing this for the right reason? But if that tension is coming from a good place, that is the best gift in the world. I love that feeling when, when I get that like screw you, I'm going to do it and, like knowing it's coming from a good place, that is like the biggest fire and the biggest indication that you are actually on the right track, even if it's messy.
Speaker 1:But I think I think that's such a beautiful way to wrap the conversation on pivoting because you know, like when we were starting, there was that conversation of like how do you know when to pivot? And like, for me, with this retreat, maybe, maybe I could have, or should have pivoted earlier. I don't really know the answer to that. All I know is that like pivoted earlier. I don't really know the answer to that. All I know is that like I pivoted when I did, and now I'm dealing with what I pivoted like better for worse here I am now in this decision as I made it and it doesn't.
Speaker 1:Actually, it helps me to look back at what I did, but not hold that over my head. It helps to look back in the rear view to say like, okay, do I want to shift or change a couple of the directions that I took or the intensity or the way that I did things, versus living in that Like I'm going to stay right here in the present, look back a little bit and now start looking forward. I think for me that's a huge part of pivoting that I used to not understand failure used like I used to avoid failure at all costs, and now I have really truly learned that, like truly failure is, it's a part of the process for the whole process.
Speaker 2:There's no point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's such a gift we don't like it, we don't but then you get this like moment where you get to do something different and that is going to feel better, and trust that you know it's going to feel better and to bring it to momhood. So we decided yesterday my son was going to start potty training one day. At daycare we learned he's not ready, but we learned very clearly and I did that too. Every part of me was like I feel a little bit like a crappy mom because I should have done a million different things. We didn't do a naked weekend. I literally sent him on Monday and was like here he is in underwear, good luck. And the teachers were like no, no, no, no, um, bad mom moment, it's fine, um, but yeah, taking that moment to be like okay, this didn't work, it feels, it felt really crappy.
Speaker 2:Yesterday I was like near tears, feeling like a crappy mom, being like I did not prepare this child for this. He's having a meltdown and then going okay, let me look back at the things that worked and didn't work. Let me look at some steps I can take forward and we try again in two months and we work on this one thing of pulling pants up and down for two months, like it's such a cheesy example, but it's true. Like you break it down of like what worked and what didn't, and if you look at, okay, he's going to be potty trained.
Speaker 2:Every, every adult, for the most part is he's going to figure it out. So if you look at retreats as a non-negotiable, like that, like it's going to happen, it's absolutely going to happen. So, instead of like a is it, is it not? If you felt that and you know it's, it needs to happen, it's going to happen, cool, okay. So let me look back at the steps that worked and didn't reframe it and know for a fact that we'll do this differently next time and it is going to work. So there you go you were treated like potty training.
Speaker 1:That's a terrible example. I love that example, honestly. When you're talking about that, I mean one potty training was the worst. I had no idea how hard potty training would be, but I went into potty training and like we had done some prep and stuff but we got into it and I was like, oh, we're doing it and I don't like it, like we made the pivot and like it was hard for a while, like I'm talking like like emotionally, mentally and just like practically like everywhere we went anyhow, like it wasn't just like, oh, we need diapers, it was like, oh, we need like three changes of clothes on us if there's an accident. And how do you keep the car seat dry? And what do you do on long drives? And what do you do in the? They just start peeing in the middle of target, like it's just I don't feel like planning a retreat.
Speaker 1:It's a great. It's a great example because, like, even when you pivot in the right direction, I think there's this under, there's this, there's this thing that's sold to us, that like, when you're on the right track, it it's going to be beautiful, everything will flow to you. And I'm just like, don't get me wrong, there are some things that have come easily to me but, like, my life experience has been like, a lot of the best things in my life have come hard to me and my brain just went dirty with that, not in a good way. Sorry, that's the most immature I've been on my podcast, but I couldn't help it. It's it's what friends.
Speaker 1:I can't help it. But like things I've never.
Speaker 2:Things often feel really hard for me, like I say use the flow of like you know, okay, what comes naturally. When do I lose time? What would I do if I had no time and money All of those are amazing to get you in that direction. Okay, help me figure out what I want to do. But once I figure out what I want to do, it's not going to be easy. There's going to be like it's going to go like this. I'm going to question myself every other day Like it's going to be a mess. So I think we yeah, like you said, we have this misconception that once we're doing the thing we love, everything is flowing and we lose track of time every day.
Speaker 1:No, there's still crappy parts to it Even once you get successful even once you have the thing that you wanted, right, like I think, like having the marriage I want, okay, it still takes some effort. It takes, it still has some hard days. And I think of the business. I'm like, okay, I love my business, like, oh my gosh, it's the best thing ever. And I still have days or moments where it's just like what is happening, what am I doing? And I think that's so, so important, because I think those are the things that keep people from pivoting.
Speaker 2:Are you even a mom? If you haven't?
Speaker 1:questioned, just flying somewhere and running away for a week. We all want to do it, I think. I think we have to normalize it, and not in the like everything is going to be miserable, but in the like this is just part of it. This is part of the goodness and it's okay.
Speaker 1:I this is so funny I'm like I'm I'm doing the worst job at managing our time and cutting us off because we just talk for don't be sorry, that's like the best, that's the best thing ever is when we're just like we're just. I'm loving this conversation so much so we might, I might, just have to have you back, because what's better than podcasting with your friends, right? So, thank you so so much. Is there anything that we missed? Is there anything that, like you didn't say that you feel like you want to like end on.
Speaker 2:So I think I just want to wrap up on the fact I use this quote and everything I really do. It was in my wedding vows, it was in my book, but, like it really does sum everything up Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad. It's the middle that counts. Remember that when you find yourself at the beginning, because I think when we're in that space and it's uncomfortable, we don't realize how amazing it's going to be on the other side. So we have to kind of cling on to that and look back on the pivots we've made in the past that ended us exactly where we wanted to be, to just kind of trust. You just got to let it go and trust that it's all going to be okay. And if you find yourself in that pivot, then just get really excited about what's next.
Speaker 1:That's so good. Thank you so much. And you guys, if you are listening to this episode, we would love to hear from you. So send us a DM, share it on social, let us know what you thought. What are the pivots going on in your life right now, like, what is it? What is the pivot you're avoiding making? What's the pivot you're in the middle of? We would love to hear from you. And Monica, your Instagram is so fun. I love your Instagram. Is there anywhere else people can find you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my website is Monica J Ortegacom. That's really like any sort of speaking MC. If you have an event, you want an MC or a keynote, I'm happy to help. And then my show is Monica goescom. Or on YouTube, monica goes show. You can binge all the old episodes of me crying, doing scary things.
Speaker 1:I'm absolutely as a friend. I'm absolutely gonna go binge, like watch your show with my family and then be like that's my friend. And then the next time we get um tacos and margaritas, I'm gonna ask you like. I'm gonna like make you tell me all the stories about it.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna go geek out on it, so thank you so so much for being a guest and we'll see you guys next time.
Speaker 2:Sounds good all right, all right.
Speaker 1:Thanks, bye. Thanks for joining me on today's episode of the motherhood mentor podcast. Make sure you have subscribed below so that you see all of the upcoming podcasts that are coming soon. I hope you take today's episode and you take one aha moment, one small, tangible piece of work that you can bring into your life, to get your hands a little dirty, to get your skin in the game. Don't forget to take up audacious space in your life. If this podcast moved you, if it inspired you, if it encouraged you, please do me a favor and leave a review, send an episode to a friend. This helps the show gain more traction. It helps us to support more moms, more women, and that's what we're doing here. So I hope you have an awesome day, take really good care of yourself and I'll see you next time.
