Perfectionism, Ambition, and the Burnout You Can’t See

High-achieving. Burned out, but still going. Still not feeling like it’s enough? Let’s talk.

What happens when you’re doing all the right things but still feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or just plain exhausted?

In this raw, unscripted episode, we’re diving into the paradox so many high-functioning, high performing, perfectionist women face: doing everything right, but not getting the results or the feelings you actually want.

Here’s the thing-perfectionism isn’t really about wanting everything to be flawless. It’s about caring deeply. You see potential everywhere. You want to lead, to create, to do things well. You tangibly see and feel the gap. You see where things can be better. You know how to read the room and are often the one shifting and holding these rooms. And those qualities? They’ve made you unstoppable. But they’ve also made it really hard to slow down. You know how to do it all, but you don't know how to slow down without burning it down. So you just keep going like the energizer bunny. Life says jump and you say how high, never no or not right now. 

When perfectionism goes unchecked, it locks you in fight-or-flight, hyper-fixated on what’s wrong, running on empty but still pushing through. Perfectionism is just really fancy shame. It looks good and leaves you feeling like crap. The truth? You can pour from an empty cup. Many high-functioning women have been doing it for years. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

In this episode, we’ll explore:

• Why perfectionism isn’t something to “fix” but a relationship to heal
• How ambition can coexist with rest, joy, and ease
• The real reason you keep feeling burned out (even when you’re doing everything “right”)
• The power of nervous system regulation and community care for high-achieving women

👉 This isn’t about lowering your standards-it’s about raising your regulation, your support, and your self-trust.

You matter. Your life matters. Not just the things you do.

✨ If this episode speaks to you, book a free call to explore working together: Click here 

Chapters

• 0:00 Honest Struggles with Perfectionism
• 8:43 The Reality of Doing Everything Right
• 18:14 Ambition, Gas and Control
• 26:47 Finding Support Beyond Self-Care
• 36:00 Creating Community for Co-Regulation
• 43:50 Ways to Work Together

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast and honest moment. I'm kind of giggling right now as I'm talking, because I have tried to start this podcast three different times and each time, as soon as I start talking, my words aren't like coming out of my mouth and I'm just so frustrated because I have all of these things that I really wanted to talk to you about, that I wanted to teach you, all of these tools that I wanted to give you. I had a couple different podcasts that I was going to record today. I was going to record one on some more somatic tools for you in our somatic series. I was also going to record a podcast on perfectionism and ambition. I was going to talk about summer. I was going to talk another episode about body image and our relationship to our bodies and our relationship to food and how somatics has impacted that. I was going to record an episode about entrepreneurship and my current journey and struggles and what I'm learning and what is helping me and also my clients. I was going to record an ep, like I have.

Speaker 1: 1:09

I had like several different, really great episodes planned out to record today and what's so frustrating is that during parts of my cycle I have the hardest time recording podcasts. It's like the words get lost somewhere between my brain, my heart, wherever those words are coming from. As soon as I go to say them out of my mouth, it's like they get lost, it's like I can't find them. And it's so frustrating because this only happens when I'm luteal, if I'm doing a podcast interview with someone, or you know, I had a coaching call this morning and the coaching call was phenomenal as a coach, as responsive, like I feel great in that relational aspect. But when I go to record solo episodes when I'm luteal, I just feel so stuck and I get frustrated because I get so distracted and I feel like I get everywhere and I miss the plot or I can't even get to the plot to start with, like I keep, and it's just frustrating. And so I was just like you know what, instead of like forcing myself to come here and strategize, I figured I'd just record a podcast today and just kind of share some random thoughts that I also think could be really powerful in helping you this summer. That is always my goal is to help you with your actual, real life.

Speaker 1: 2:46

I do not want to create a podcast, I don't want to create content. I don't want to create a business that says the same shit that everybody else has said. There is this like I just feel like I hear the same things from everyone, because all they have is information and they just keep sharing information and strategies and like here's what to do, but they never share how it feels, the reality of what it looks like. And specifically today I want to talk about the reality that so many of you listening, so many of you, I can guarantee it you are doing the right things, you have good habits, you have good health. You show up to your mental and emotional health, you are taking care of yourself, you are taking care of your home, your family, you are showing up really well as a mom, you are showing up well to your business. And what is so frustrating is that you can do all of the right things and not always get the results that you want. Or you're getting the results, that you can do all of the right things and not always get the results that you want. Or you're getting the results that you want, but it doesn't feel how you want it to feel or how you thought it would feel, and that is so frustrating. It is so frustrating when you come to this place in your healing or your personal development or your leadership, when you realize that you can put in your input but there are still variables that are outside of your control and that really sucks when you are a control freak. That really sucks when you are someone who wants to double down, not someone who wants to loosen their expectations.

Speaker 1: 4:26

I was talking in my mastermind yesterday. I have a local mastermind of moms who are business owners, who are always wanting to grow and heal and they care. They care so much about how they show up for themselves and the people in their lives and their roles and responsibilities and they're trying to stay centered and grounded and continue to expand and explore new ways to show up to these roles into these areas of their lives. But we are talking about how, when you are healing your perfectionism, a lot of times there is a part of you. When you do the right thing, when you do the thing that aligns most to your values, it's sometimes not doing something more. It's not doing something, it is. I know how to hold it all together. I know how to do it all, but what I don't know how to do is nothing. I don't know how to just take a chill pill, I don't know when to quit, I don't know how to quit, I don't know how to lose, and we don't realize that that perfectionism is keeping us stuck trying to beat a game that we don't have to play anymore.

Speaker 1: 5:36

And when you're healing from perfectionism, it's almost like that part of you. There's constantly a part of me that I feel like is just sitting in the corner crying or throwing a fit or glaring at me or rolling her eyes, or is just like super annoyed that I'm not doing the thing that I should be doing, that I want to be doing, and that is extremely frustrating. It's uncomfortable, especially when I was first healing from perfectionism, when I was first trying to find this balance, if you will, between the parts of me that are so ambitious, the parts of me. There are parts of me and I love these parts of me that will always see and feel the gap in every area. I care way too much and I like that about myself. I used to hate that about myself. It used to frustrate me so bad.

Speaker 1: 6:28

I don't know what it's like to be nonchalant. I don't know what it is to not care deeply about my role as a mother, about the way that I care for my home, the way that I take care of my body, the way that I show up to my marriage, the way that I'm building my business both on the front end of my business but mostly the back end of my business how I coach women, the experience they have, the way that I sell what I'm doing, the way that I talk about what I'm doing, the way that I give back. I care so much about my impact and my influence and my leadership over my life, personally and professionally so much. And that is so hard because I can tangibly see and feel that gap between where I am, where something is and where it could be. I constantly am seeing the potential and that can be a beautiful permission. That can be this like creative life force, this creative energy, and it can be this like gas in the tank. That has me showing up to things when they don't make sense. That has me showing up when it's not working, when it seems like it's failing, when it's taking too long. That has me showing up on those shit hard days where there are voices in my head or voices in the culture that tell me that like it's not worth it. You don't have to do this. It could be easier. Why don't you just let it go? Why don't you take it easy? But that is not me. That's not who I am anymore and that wasn't always the case. But I love the parts of me that see where I can be constantly, consistently improving.

Speaker 1: 8:06

And a lot of people get this wrong about perfectionism. Perfectionism isn't this thing in me that wants me and everybody else to be perfect. At least that's what I would tell you logically in my head and the women. I've learned so much language about this experience and how we heal it, how we integrate it in a new way, because their expectations are for holy and good things. Women who are perfectionistic are deeply connected to their values, deeply connected to their purpose, deeply connected to making things more beautiful, to healing and health and growth. They are engines. They are people who keep things moving. They are leaders. They are women who are willing to. They are leaders. They are women who are willing to be wrong about things.

Speaker 1: 8:47

But here is the hard part with perfectionism A lot of times, that ambition and that perfectionism, it can become maladaptive and it can make us hyper-controlling and it can make us, it can create this space in our heads and our hearts and our bodies where we are always in fight and fight mode. We are constantly hyper, fixating on what is wrong, on what could be better, and it can become this immense pressure. That pressure in your body can look and feel like high functioning anxiety. It can look like overworking, it can be over giving in relationships and anxiety. It can look like overworking, it can be over giving in relationships. It can be being overly empathetic, which is actually a massive problem. I'm going to try to not get on that rabbit trail right now. But when you're, when we're talking about perfectionism and ambition, I always like to tell women this is a wonderful, beautiful part of you, but how old? This is a wonderful, beautiful part of you, but how old is this part of you? Is she a young teen girl? Because a young teen girl who's perfectionistic is going to make very different choices than a woman who can feel how old she is, a woman who can feel agency and choice and actually what her deep, deep values are that are under the surface.

Speaker 1: 10:02

That isn't always gas are that are under their surface. That isn't always gas. When you are driving a car, it can feel so good to go 75 or 80 miles an hour. That can feel so good. So I want you to think of this part of you as the gas in your life. This is the gas in the tank that drives you to do things that other people aren't willing to do sometimes. It is the thing that helps you start that business, even though you're scared as hell. It can be the part of you that sets the boundary, even though it's massively uncomfortable. It can be the part of you that is like get up, girl, girl, get up. Like, get up and do the thing, show up to what you value, put your, put your, put your life where your mouth is Like don't just talk about it, be about it, do about it. That is the gas in the car and that is a beautiful, healthy, wonderful part of you.

Speaker 1: 10:52

But for so, so many women, that perfectionistic part of them is actually this fight and flight mode that caused you to hyper and overachieve and over function, and it can be so exhausting because it feels like everything is on you, because often you are the one in the room who sees where things could be better, who sees what needs to be done, who sees what needs to do, and that is a big responsibility to be not just the thermometer who reads the room, but the thermostat who is moving the temperature emotionally, practically managing the actual tasks. It can be exhausting to feel like your foot is stuck on the gas, like you can't slow down, and that is the problem with so many women and their perfectionism. It's not that you can't have your gas, it's not that you can't go fast, it's that you have learned the skill of doing everything and doing all of it and doing it to a hundred percent.

Speaker 1: 11:55

But what happens when you drop capacity and motherhood is that season for so many women. For some women it comes early in motherhood. For some women it hits that toddler season. The toddler season is probably the most common season when women come to work with me because they finally have some time and energy capacity. But all of a sudden they're going.

Speaker 1: 12:17

It's not even that I can't go this fast, it's that I don't want to anymore. It's that my body, my soul, my being is saying this is too much or I'm going so fast and I'm missing it. That is one of the highest things that women say that they want is like I don't want to miss this season, and they're terrified of slowing down, because all their body knows is all or nothing. They only know full gas or full burnout and collapse. They haven't learned the art of slowing down or pulling over. They haven't learned how to beautifully, wonderfully, wholly fall apart To honor your holy humanity and your pace in life. And pace is not as much about how fast you're going, it's are you going so fast that your soul can't keep up? Are you going so slow that you're burning out because you don't have enough of the right things on your plate? Or you're going in the complete wrong direction? But you're so focused on outcome, you're so focused on can I? That you're not asking should I and at what cost?

Speaker 1: 13:27

I am deeply ambitious about my business, deeply, and I am consistently needing to hold myself back because my values require it and also sometimes because that is the season of life that I am in and it is what my family requires. Your family might be different. Your family might be different. Your capacity might be different, your support system, the way that you run your business. Also, shout out to the moms who aren't working because they wanted to. You're working because your family needs it. That is a very good reason to work. That is a very good reason to contribute to your family to provide for your family. That is a very good reason to contribute to your family to provide for your family. That is a very good, valid reason to be working and there is nothing to be ashamed of of that.

Speaker 1: 14:11

And what we are told is that we can do it all. And people talk about this at a very high level and they're constantly like you don't have to do it all and I don't have to do it all. But the reality is a lot of the women that I work with, if they don't do it, no one else will, and it is actually very, very uncomfortable to start looking at your life and recognizing what you do and what you do not control, because you know how to do it all, but what your body doesn't know how to do is do nothing or do less, or the reality of getting out of that all or all or nothing, the on again, off again, which happens very much in perfectionism. And some women are stuck in the all of everything, where they're like I'm doing it all and externally everything looks great, but internally I am dying. Inside. I have all of this success and all of these wonderful, beautiful things that I wanted and needed, and I don't even get to enjoy them anymore. I used to be fun. I miss actually feeling like I'm in the room or that I have grace and compassion for the parts of my life that are messy, because every little thing is starting to set me off. I'm starting to see and smell the smoke of burnout coming. But here's the thing for high functioners High functioners are often perfectionists and high functioners when I tell you you absolutely can pour for an empty cup, in fact you're used to pouring from an empty cup.

Speaker 1: 15:45

You are used to running on fumes and being able to show up with much, much less than what you actually require to do that full of life, full of joy, full of energy, full of passion and purpose. Because a lot of you who are ambitious, it's not that you wanna quit, it's that you can't keep up with the pace that you're trying to force yourself to do. But quitting doesn't feel like an option. It doesn't feel like an option to lower your standards in business or to lower your expectations in motherhood or showing up for your marriage, and you refuse to stop doing these things and it's like that's great. I'm not. I would never ask you to, but in order to keep doing those things, you are going to have to, it is a non-negotiable for you to figure out how to get gas in the tank, to figure out how to use the gas and the brakes appropriately, how to meet the pace of your life with presence, with capacity, how to get enough support for you.

Speaker 1: 16:47

And support and capacity come in many different facets it's physical, it's biological, it's mental, it's emotional, it is your environment, it's your community. The two things that I find women are lacking most is that community and that compassion having someone outside of yourself to witness you, to see you, to help you process. You are in a space and a season where you are giving and taking care of everyone else and you're doing an okay job at taking care of you. And I think what's hard for a lot of high functioners is if you compare yourself to other women and I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves, but the reality is is that you do, you're already doing more than everyone else. You're already showing up to your mental, emotional, physical health more than everyone else you see is. But here's the thing the more you want to give, the more quantity you want to produce and the more quality you want to produce. If you care about your outcomes, you need to start thinking and realizing that you are the biggest input factor. How you are cared for and how much you can receive and how much support you can have in your life will directly impact every role and relationship you have.

Speaker 1: 18:10

When you are a leader inside your home and your personal life maybe in your family that you created, or your family that like your bloodline, or when you are the leader of your business, the reality is is that you are asking yourself to show up to a new level of maturity. Show up to a new level of maturity, a new level of emotional mental capacity and, especially if you care about the health and the quality of what you're doing, who you are and how you're creating, you have to make it a non-negotiable to be pouring into those buckets for you. If you are the woman who is spinning all of the plates, if you are the woman who is juggling all of the pots on the stove, if you are the person, if it's all on you, then you better make sure that you are investing in yourself in ways that give you the capacity to show up to that, or you will burn out. You will watch your marriage or your motherhood or your business burn out because you are the gas in the tank for those things.

Speaker 1: 19:26

It is so backwards when we talk about self-care isn't selfish that that doesn't speak to the problem directly. Because I've yet to meet a woman who, mentally and logically, is like it's selfish for me to take up this time or this space or these finances, like I feel guilty walking away from my family for a weekend to go on a retreat, and it's like there's a difference between guilt and discomfort. It is uncomfortable for you because you are used to the one taking care of everyone and it feels weird to make sure you're taken care of, to acknowledge that you have massive amounts of messy human needs and the more that you do, the more that you give, the more that you want to serve, the more you need in your tank. You require more because you are expecting yourself to hold more and you want to hold it in a specific way. It matters to you how you hold it. It matters to you how you show up.

Speaker 1: 20:31

So if your standards of your behaviors, of your relationships, of your communication, of your leadership, of your business, whatever it is, if you have high values and standards for that. You're going to have to raise your standards for how you take care of yourself, and this is going past just the foundational things. It's going into the nuanced subtleties that are slowly seeping and seeking energy out of you. This is getting into energetic and emotional boundaries. This is getting into your nervous system regulation, and right now there's such a trend around nervous system regulation and being calm. But what I want to tell you is, when you are leading your household, when you are leading your kids, when you are leading other people whether they are clients, whether it's other people that you work with you often need to have the strongest nervous system in the room, strongest nervous system in the room. And that's a big ask because, ideally and originally, what we need as humans is other people to co-regulate with, and this is one of the biggest reasons why I do local masterminds, why I do retreats, why I do coaching groups, is because your nervous system needs co-regulation with people who are as regulated as you or more regulated than you.

Speaker 1: 22:00

You need to be in a room with women who are just as and sometimes more, emotionally aware, intelligent than you are. You need women who are showing up to their lives with these high expectations and standards? Who can see things that you're not seeing? Who can speak to it and unshame the places where you are shaming and holding this perfectionistic ideal over your head instead of allowing you to breathe? I cannot tell you how much healing I have witnessed happen by women getting in a room and witnessing each other, women who can really see you and speak to the things in your life at the depth and the quality that you want to talk to them about.

Speaker 1: 22:47

One of the reasons that I started the Motherhood Mentor way way back in 2020, well, 2019, 2020, is that I saw these kind of two different spaces for women. I saw these spaces where everything was pretty and perfect and and everything was great and I loved the positivity in those rooms because I also loved motherhood, I also loved marriage, I also wanted to love my life and the reality was is that I was burning out, I was sinking, I was going through deep, intensive healing and like CPTSD and I was like there is so much shit happening in my life. But then it was either like that room or it seems like there was these other tables where, like women just shit talked everything. They hated their husbands, they hated their lives. They talked shit about their kids all the time and I was like where is this middle place? Where? Where are the rooms? Where are the circles of women who are telling the truth about their messy middles, their messy humanities?

Speaker 1: 23:48

I'm in the process. I'm not on the other side yet. I need to talk about the hard stuff. I need to be real and honest and talk about what's actually happening in my own body, what's actually happening in my marriage, what's actually happening in my motherhood. I need to talk to someone about how I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I need to talk to someone about the reality that I don't know how to have a relationship with my parents right now. I don't know what boundaries I need to have, but I can't keep doing it this way. Where are the rooms where we can tell the truth, but we can do it in a way that brings responsibility and ownership, where we can talk about hard things in a fully race-filled way, not as victims, not as martyrs, but also not in this I'm going to keep everything really pretty and perfect.

Speaker 1: 24:39

But also I needed a room where women don't need me to be small and insecure and hate myself in order to be likable and understood. And when I do have those things, I want women who are going to help me heal, help me expand, help me grow, how to help me think and feel and show up differently to myself in my life. I want women, when I bring a problem to the table, to be able to not just witness me but to be able to say I love you, right where you are and I'm not going to leave you there when I tell you this impossible, improbable dream. I need women who know what it's like to want something that seems so crazy, who aren't afraid for me, who do not under or overestimate me, who see exactly who I am and my worth and where I'm headed and who I'm becoming. That changes you. That changes you because we are so used to doing everything in a bubble and I am very supported.

Speaker 1: 25:43

I have incredible friends. I have incredible friends who I have, like these different I have, like I have a village, but it looks totally different than what I thought it would, because different people in my life serve different pieces and places. In my village, in my life, I have people who are like my mom, friends and we raise our babies together and we, you know, swap kids and they pick up my kids from school or they take my kids to sports, or, you know, I take their kids for the day and their kids play with my kids all day so I can get some work done. And then I have friends who, like we, could talk about business all day long. We talk about ambition, we talk about podcasting and business and all of these different assets. Or I have my friends where we're always talking about deep inner healing and childhood and soul work and religion and we're talking about, like, very different topics. I have this very wide spectrum of who I go to for what, and that's not exactly what I always thought it would be, but that's just how my life is. But the point I was getting to is the reality is I still often like I'm the only one. I'm the only one in my marriage, married to my husband, I'm the only one who is parenting these kids. I'm the one who's there Tuesday night at 9 pm when my teenager wants to have this deep, hard conversation. I'm the one.

Speaker 1: 27:08

There is a very real loneliness to life and no one wants to name that. No one wants to come out and say there is a loneliness that is very real. That isn't because you are alone. It's because you are the one. This is your life and there is some stuff that is just yours. This is your circus, these are your monkeys. That is why it is a non-negotiable to take care of you, to figure out how to support you, to figure out how to build yourself up and also where and when and how other people can care for you and show up to you in your life.

Speaker 1: 27:49

That is vulnerable as hell. That is very hard for a lot of women to start building relationships where they are not the one relied on, they're the one relying on someone else. It's hard for a lot of women to find those spaces. And I totally got a little bit off the topic of perfectionism and ambition. But I think this is so, so important because I think a lot of women who are highly ambitious, they have been pedestalized by communities, by other women, as they don't need anything because they have everything. They give such an impression of having it all and there is a reality to that. There is a reality of success or this life that you built. That is really beautiful.

Speaker 1: 28:38

And it can be very, very hard when you feel like people either other people or you yourself you have been pedestalized, you have been placed as this. She doesn't need anything. You have to kind of keep up this professional persona of having it all together and having all the answers and you make sure that you always clean up your mess before you let other people see it. You have a real strategic way to solve your problem before you even let other people into the process, because the process is messy and it's vulnerable and it shows all of your weaknesses and vulnerability and what we need especially when you're a leader, especially when you have a very public persona, especially when a lot of other people in your life don't have emotional intelligence to show up to the depth and the self-responsibility that you're living to.

Speaker 1: 29:33

You need rooms, you need spaces where you get to be fully you, where all of the parts of you get to show up to the table, the really successful, badass parts, and also the moments where you're just a girl, where you know all the right answers but you forgot. Where you get dysregulated, where you have shit that you go through and you know all the right answers but you forgot. Where you get dysregulated, where you have shit that you go through and you know what. Maybe it's shit that you created, or maybe it's something that you didn't ask for, it wasn't your fault. But now it's your responsibility. Like breaking cycles, healing your family lineage, like that shit's hard. If it feels hard and heavy, that's because it is, but when you can get into a room of other women doing that work, it is so much less lonely because now you have language, now you see the other ways that are options to you. But the powerful thing is you're seeing the nuance of it. There's time and space for the nuance of it, which there isn't time and space for on Instagram. It's insane that we have lost our capacity for slowing down and really talking about something.

Speaker 1: 30:44

I don't want to talk about the high-level strategy. I want to talk about the human one. We have so much information that very few people have capacity to integrate, to show up and embody something, to stick with something that they know and then know it to their bones, to do it over and over and over again for a long time. But that is how you build integrity. Integrity is not a fast process, it is a continual process.

Speaker 1: 31:16

Balance Balance in your life, balancing your ambition and your humanity, your desire to just have slow cups of coffee, reading a book, your desire to slow down and play with your kids, your desire to be a woman of ease, your desire to have satisfaction and play and pleasure and rest and ease in your life those two parts of you get to coexist. They get to coexist when you build a relationship to yourself, when you stop looking outside yourself to some fancy strategy or planner or this new information and you get down deep into what your soul knows and what your soul doesn't know. What does your body know and what does your body not know? Yet you know how to do it all, but does your body know how to really lean back and let shit go? Do you know how to witness other people without taking on their emotions? Do you know how to meet conflict and communication with your partner when they're dysregulated? When you're dysregulated and both of your dysregulations are clashing? Do you know how to show up to your kid when they are triggering the hell out of you, whether they're triggering the hell out of you because they're just so loud and playful and unruly, or they're triggering the heck out of you because they're doing something that hits you right in that core of shit. I don't want to see my baby go through what I went through.

Speaker 1: 32:49

There is so much going on in your life that's a reality. It's not just a feeling of overwhelm, it's quite literally. No. This is too much for a human body, this is too much for a girl, and I'm not underestimating you. If anything almost every woman I've ever met she is vastly underestimating herself, what she is capable of, what she is worth, her value that she brings just by existing.

Speaker 1: 33:21

I'm obsessed with the women that I work with. I deeply love and care about them and I like them. They are the coolest, most badass people and so often they are so good at controlling themselves. They have gotten so good at self-control, but what they don't have is self-trust. They have this bracing, this locked down. I have to lock it down, I have to control this, I have to fix this, and what I love to do is teach them how to open their hands, teach them how to lean back, teach them how to breathe again without letting go of control, because we're not trying to make your life out of control or you out of control, but the beautiful thing is, when you trust yourself, you don't need control because you have leadership, because you have trust and relationship to yourself in every part of you, the ambitious parts of you, but also those younger part of you.

Speaker 1: 34:14

The ambitious parts of you, but also those younger parts of you, the parts of you that are still self-sabotaging, the parts of you that don't think they're ready yet, the parts of you that are afraid, the parts of you that are downright terrified or burnt out or exhausted or emotional. Those parts of you exist. They're always going to exist. It's not getting rid of them. Healing is not getting rid of those. Messy parts of you exist. They're always going to exist. It's not getting rid of them. Healing is not getting rid of those messy parts of you. It's learning to lead them and be with them and sit with them and relate to them.

Speaker 1: 34:43

And sometimes, sometimes that looks like boundaries, sometimes that looks like breaks, sometimes that looks like reparenting yourself, like you're a little toddler or a teenager throwing a fit or having a bad day and you have to parent yourself in ways that you don't like. It's not the fun, cutesy self-care. It's the baptizing a cat kind of self-care. It's the I don't want to, but I'm going to anyways because I love myself. It's learning how to talk back to your inner critic, how to retrain your brain to look for everything that's going right instead of only seeing what you're doing wrong. There are so many ways. There are small, nuanced, little things that are going to change your life and those when you start, it's you know that saying it's the straw that breaks the camel's back, it's also the taking care of those straws that make sure the camel's back doesn't break. It's showing up to them, it's taking care of them.

Speaker 1: 35:47

And the reality. I know this reality well because it's still true in my life to this day. And this is my literal profession. It's my literal profession to do this for other women and I still struggle with it. And there's some seasons where it's easier and then there's some seasons where it's harder. And let can I just be honest with you for a minute. It is not convenient. It's not convenient and it's also not comfortable for me. And again, like I said, I do this for a living and I've also done this in my personal life. I mean, I've got a really strong and very long track record of showing up for myself and let me tell you there are still seasons or days or moments where I don't want to, where it's inconvenient and uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 36:36

I think I've shared a little bit on this podcast in previous episodes that this fall I went through this really intensive, deep healing from some really hard parts of my life, and one. It's frustrating because I feel like whenever those things come back, I'm like sick of hearing about it, I'm sick of talking about it, I'm sick of feeling it and it's like I've already done this. Can't I be done? Can't, can't this be over? Aren't I healed? Aren't I done dealing with this? Can't I be done? Can't this be over? Aren't I healed? Aren't I done dealing with this?

Speaker 1: 37:08

But the reality is is that life is almost like a spiral, and it's not that I'm back where I was and so much of my work is like don't panic, you don't need to panic, you're not backsliding, you're meeting this part of you in a new way, with a new age, with a new perspective, with new integrity, with new ways to integrate, with new tools. But I'm still back. I'm still back at that thing and I hate that thing. I wish it was gone, but it's not going to be gone because it's a part of my reality, it's a part of my experience, it's a part of my humanity, and sometimes it's past stuff, but sometimes it's present stuff.

Speaker 1: 37:47

Sometimes we are met with things that are hard and it doesn't matter how well we hold it, it doesn't matter how many tools we have. Being human is hard. We can't outrun it, we can't out heal it, we can't outpace it. But what changes? Everything is shifting the way you relate to it, shifting the way that you hold it, shifting the way that you move through it, and I wish you know there's that you can't go around it, you can't go over it, you can't go under it. We must go through it and I hate that. For us, I hate that there are complex questions that don't have easy answers. I hate that a lot of the times when I'm working with women on their boundaries, there's no pretty perfect boundary that doesn't involve conflict or that doesn't involve grief or anger or possibly meeting the end of a relationship that sucks.

Speaker 1: 38:44

I want to give you a pretty bow. I want to give you an easy five-step process that will fix it, and the reality is is that you are not a problem to be fixed. You are a person who deserves to be related to, loved on, cared. Your life matters because you matter. Your home matters because you matter. Your to-do list only matters because you matter. Your motherhood matters because you matter, and because those babies matter, your business, your work, it matters because you matter. You are not an object, you are the subject, you are the hero of your life and you know what's so wild.

Speaker 1: 39:25

I don't know how I got here, but apparently this is what needed to be said today, because I have so many beautiful tools I can teach you. I have wonderful strategies. I love good strategy. I love a good like somatic nervous system, like deep inner healing strategy, as much as I love those like high level, almost like executive coaching, like mindset tools or emotional regulation or intelligence or, oh my gosh, enneagram don't even get me started on the Enneagram tools I can teach you, but at the end of those days, at the end of the day, I can give you a tool, but if you're using that tool to harm yourself and I see this happening for a lot of women with personal growth, especially my fellow high functioners and perfectionists we use these tools as a way to force us into control, as a way to optimize our productivity, not to optimize our humanity, our relationships, our experience of this life, and that's the shit that matters, because you matter. Apparently. Today, that's what we got is a long love rant from me, to you, of you matter, and in this season of summer it is absolute chaos.

Speaker 1: 40:56

I, I know a lot of women are feeling it. I'm feeling it and I just want to say you could be doing all of the right things and it still could be hard, it still could be a lot, and that doesn't mean there aren't ways that we can show up to it or shift it or make it better. And then also, sometimes it's really nice to have someone say like yep, that shit's hard and then send some funny memes about it or make a joke about it or like bring some humor or laughter or tears. Just that communal sharing of life together is so often what we need. And I truly, I truly, truly hope that this podcast is that for you, at least a piece of it, at least a small dose of it, for you, a place where we can be honest and really talk about stuff and really share how it feels and what it looks like. And if you love this podcast and this is a yes for you would you take a moment and leave a review? It helps the podcast so much. Or share it with a friend. And also I want to share too.

Speaker 1: 42:06

I have a couple of ways that you can work with me. If you feel like you resonate with this podcast, if you resonate with my work, if you resonate with me and you feel like this is something that would support you, that would benefit you, I would love to help you. I would love to support you. I would love to be that person in your corner rooting for you and helping you get up when you need to get up and also helping you sit down when you need to sit down and navigating this life. You are already doing an amazing job and it's also okay for you to say I'm not drowning and I also want some help. I could also use some support. I could use a supportive community of women. So, at the time of this podcast releasing, there's a couple of different ways you can work with me. You can work with me one-on-one.

Speaker 1: 42:52

That is the primary kind of thing that I do with women is one-on-one, somatic coaching and mentorship. It involves all parts of you mindset, emotions, heart, soul, your whole. You are a whole person. So everything and anything is welcome to these calls Relationships, parenting, your relationship to yourself, to your body, to food, to your business, to your leadership, your relationship to your parents or your family or you know, strategy stuff with home care or balancing work, work life balance right. All of those things, all of those parts of you. They're welcome to coaching because for so many women all of those things are so deeply intertwined. It's all of those different subtle layers and nuances and one of those things that we can work on is patterns of understanding where you are, where you are and where you want to go, and mapping out how you move into that, how you shift your nervous system state, how you shift the way that you're showing up to things or the way that you're not showing up to things, the way that you meet conflict, the way that you meet stress or dysregulation. Those are all things that I help women with.

Speaker 1: 44:09

I also do retreats. I have a fall retreat coming up that I have. One spot left to the retreat is that first weekend of October and it's in Red Feather, Colorado. And let me tell you, red Feather Colorado in October is just about the most beautiful in October, is just about the most beautiful, perfect scape I could promise, like I could probably give you. It is chilly in the evenings and the mornings and in the afternoons Typically we get like these beautiful sunny afternoons and we do sessions on the patio. We do booty yoga, we do somatic work, we do coaching, but we also do family style dinners and game nights and walks, and we have coffee and we talk about anything and everything. Sometimes it's light hearted, funny, hilarious conversations, and sometimes it's the deep stuff that we usually don't have room or space or time or even people to talk about, the stuff that we really want to say, the stuff that we really want to hear, and so there's one spot left for that, and I'll also be hosting a retreat in the spring, probably sometime in April, and that's going to be in Denver, colorado, and that one is going to be phenomenal.

Speaker 1: 45:21

I'm so excited to share more about it. I have not released any details yet, but I'm behind the scenes scheming and planning and it's going to be so epic. So I have a wait list for that and if you are local to Colorado, to Northern Colorado, I have in-person masterminds. I'm also doing some like smaller day retreats. I'm hoping to have some more events here soon. I'm going to have a space soon and also I currently have an online somatic healing course that you can kind of work through on your own in your own timing.

Speaker 1: 45:54

It's available as a private podcast, which I love because, essentially, you can listen to it anywhere, anytime, it's easy to access and it's very short, little lessons that give you really tangible tools on ways to implement this, and the reason why I built that is I wanted a very accessible way to give women these tools and this work with yourself, and there's meditations and there's somatic journaling and pretty soon there's going to be some breath work there and some movement that gives you what you need to show up for yourself. So if, if, you resonate with my work with this podcast, um, and you are craving that, I would absolutely love to have you. If you don't really know what is best for you, the next best thing is to. Well, the next best thing, anyways, usually to work with me is to set up a free interest call and, just so you know I will never be an icky, weird salesperson, I genuinely want women to make decisions from their agency, from their desire. I want you to listen to your financial, your time, your energetic boundaries. I want you to have the support that you deserve, that you desire.

Speaker 1: 47:08

A lot of women that end up working with me were looking for a therapist originally and then they realized, like I don't really need the digging deep into the passive therapy. I'm not really in crisis, I don't really need therapy, I just need something. I need someone where I can like, sharpen and hone what I already have, where I can build on those foundations, like I already have those fundamental things and now I want to build on it, now I want to expand in it. Now I want more dynamic range, mentally or emotionally or the way that I show up to my life. That's the work that I do with women, and so I'm so grateful that you took your time to listen to this podcast.

Speaker 1: 47:47

I have just been rambling and ranting here. I was like I don't have words to say, and then, as soon as I got started, um, here we are, here we are. So, yeah, I don't know if I have anything else to say, if, if there were parts of this podcast that resonated with you. If you have questions, if you have something that you were just like, oh my gosh, tell me more. Or hey, can you talk about this topic? Will you message me? You can DM me on social media. You can send me an email. There's a little button at the top of the podcast notes where you can text me. I believe I don't even really know how that works. I should test it out. No one's actually tried it yet, so maybe try that for me, but I am so grateful to have you here, show up for your life.

Speaker 1: 48:33

As you leave this podcast, I want to ask, I want to encourage you find one small, doable piece of what this heard, something, something that resonated with you, something that, like, deeply drew your attention, and spend at least the next couple minutes thinking and feeling into that. What does that look like for me? What is that small, subtle shift that I can make? What is the one straw right now that I need to do? Or maybe you're someone where you're in this space, where you're like okay, it's time for big, it's time for investing big or taking a big leap or momentum. And here's what I will encourage you If you don't know what that is, you might have to start taking action in order to know what that is.

Speaker 1: 49:17

Sometimes we wait to know everything and sometimes knowing is built by doing, by, by experimenting, and you can always change your mind. But try something different, try something new. Give yourself permission to move and live and think in a new way. I'm gonna cut myself off because I'm a talker and I could just talk and chat forever whenever. Hopefully, pretty soon I'll be able to have the capacity to come back and do some more like somatic teachings and trainings Apparently. Today it's just not going to happen.

Speaker 1: 49:54

But the last two podcasts on here are so powerful. They teach you some fundamental skills that I come back to over and over and over. And there's also that free workbook. It is linked in the podcast notes. It's this free workbook, which has incredible tools that you can use not only for yourself, but they're also super, super great to teach your kids. Print out that emotions wheel or those body scans and print them on the fridge. Teach them to your kids. They are very accessible and it can really make a big impact in your life and for your kids. All right, I hope you have a great day and I'll see you next time.