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The Motherhood Mentor
Welcome to The Motherhood Mentor Podcast your go-to resource for moms seeking holistic healing and transformation. Hosted by mind-body somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach Becca Dollard.
Join us as we explore the transformative power of somatic healing, offering practical tools and strategies to help you navigate overwhelm, burnout, and stress. Through insightful conversations, empowering stories, and expert guidance, you'll discover how to cultivate resilience, reclaim balance, and thrive in every aspect of your life while still feeling permission to be a human. Are you a woman who is building a business while raising babies who refuses to burnout? These are conversations and support for you.
We believe in the power of vulnerability, connection, and self-discovery, and our goal is to create a space where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
Whether you're juggling career, family, or personal growth, this podcast is your sanctuary for holistic healing and growth all while normalizing the ups and downs, the messy and the magic, and the wild ride of this season of motherhood.
Your host:
Becca is a mom of two, married for 14years to her husband Jay living in Colorado. She is a certified somatic healing practitioner and holistic life coach to high functioning moms. She works with women who are navigating raising babies, building businesses, and prioritizing their own wellbeing and healing. She understands the unique challenges of navigating being fully present in motherhood while also wanting to be wildly creative and ambitious in her work. The Motherhood Mentor serves and supports moms through 1:1 coaching, in person community, and weekend retreats.
Follow on IG: @themotherhoodmentor , send me a dm and let me know you found me through the podcast!
Website: https://www.the-motherhood-mentor.com/
Want to join the email fam for free workshops and more support: https://themotherhoodmentor.myflodesk.com/ujaud8t4x9
The Motherhood Mentor
When Success Isn’t Enough: How Self-Trust Transforms High-Achievers, Lessons from Coaching with Jenna Lee Dillon
What if transformation isn’t about fixing what’s broken, but learning to relate to yourself with compassion and trust?
In this raw and powerful conversation, guest Jenna Lee Dillon shares the inner shifts she’s experienced through somatic coaching, masterminds, and retreats. Once living in a constant state of “pedal to the metal,” Jenna Lee discovered the radical freedom of trusting herself to know when to accelerate- and when to slow down.
We explore:
- Why strategy alone can’t touch the deepest parts of growth
- The metaphors that help women in their head shift how life feels
- How to stop performing resilience and actually build a “bigger boat” before the storm hits
- What changes when high-achieving women stop caretaking everyone else’s emotions first
This episode is an invitation to step off the hamster wheel of extremes and into a new way of being - one where presence, vulnerability, and trust create the kind of transformation no strategy can.
Want to work with Becca? Apply or coaching here: https://www.the-motherhood-mentor.com/reclamationcoaching
Retreat Waitlist: https://themotherhoodmentor.myflodesk.com/ha3wbltjvk
Guest Jenna Lee Dillon
Gutsy Money : https://gutsymoney.co/
Listen to the podcast on money here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-motherhood-mentor/id1735994095?i=1000697677756
Jenna Lee's Book: https://a.co/d/1YuFPHz
If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here
💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops.
🎧 Did you love this episode? Be sure to follow and please take a quick moment to leave a review and send this episode to a friend. I'd love to hear from you on how this podcast impacted you, send me a DM or an email.
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. I'm Becca, a somatic healing practitioner and a holistic life coach for moms, and this podcast is for you. You can expect honest conversations and incredible guests that speak to health, healing and growth in every area of our lives. This isn't just strategy for what we do. It's support for who we are. I believe we can be wildly ambitious while still holding all of our soft and hard humanity as holy. I love combining deep inner healing with strategic systems and no-nonsense talk about what this season is really like. So grab whatever weird health beverage you're currently into and let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Welcome to today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. Today I have a super special guest in episode and she's not only my first second-time guest, but she's already my first third-time guest. And for anyone who's been a guest on my podcast, I just need you to know that she has a secret competition going on with you that you're not aware of of who can get the most listens. And you are. You're like one, you're like two listens away. Like you might be there. I'll have to go check today.
Speaker 1:So I have the lovely Denali Dillon with me and this podcast is happening because she's a brilliant, genius marketing person and one day she was like you just need to take videos of asking us questions for testimonials of clients. And then I was like, okay, fine, but you have to make me do it. And then we were like, well, let's just do a podcast, cause I felt awkward just sitting in a room taking videos. Like, let's just get on a podcast, have a conversation about coaching and its impact and what it looks like, and also just bragging on Jenna Lee and how amazing she is. So will you introduce yourself all of the different facets of you? Sure?
Speaker 2:I'd love to so. First of all, the entire purpose of me being here is to brag on you, so jokes on you. That's what's happening today. But thank you for the warm introduction and for announcing that I am winning my own self-competition with your other guests, or almost winning. I'm Jenna Lee Dillon.
Speaker 2:As you said, I own a number of organizations. The two most active are my parent coaching business, soon-to-be nonprofit Screen Food Revolution, and then my accounting and bookkeeping and business advisory firm, gutsy Money, which I co-own with a business partner, and that is where I get to exercise the other side of my brain. Half of my brain is constantly dedicated toward marketing and writing. I'm a published author and an avid writer of all kinds of things, from poetry to blogs. But it's really fun at Gutsy Money because I get to exercise both the part of my brain that loves numbers. I like to say I only love numbers if there's a dollar sign in front of them, to be clear. So my love of numbers and business finance and then business optimization, and then I also run the operations for Gutsy Money. So I am currently like neck deep in onboarding and operations software that is going to completely transform our project management and the way our businesses run and that is really fun to say as also a creative writer.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I'm very multifaceted. I'm a solo mom, as you know, to an amazing seven and a half year old. I am currently joined in the office by a 10 year old mini Aussie who rules us all with an iron paw, which is very bossy, and I'm originally from Colorado and I am a very fortunate recipient of your genius in the form of your coaching, as well as masterminds and other events that I get to attend. So, really, what I want to say is I'm a number one fan. Number one fan. Don't tell your husband of you.
Speaker 1:My whole face is just going to blush and I'm going to feel slightly uncomfortable this entire time, but it'll be great and I'll also probably crawl cry. Oh my gosh. Before we started recording, me and Jenna Lee were laughing because I am just starting my menstrual cycle, which means, thank God I don't. I'm not in luteal. I don't feel like a bridge troll, I don't feel like I'm failing, but sometimes those first few days of my period my mouth does not want to work, like words feel hard. So I'm going to mess up a lot of words today. It's going to be okay, it'll be fine, but one.
Speaker 1:That was an amazing intro and every time you talk I just feel like I learned something new about you and you were like I'm from Colorado. I'm like, yeah, but you've lived a million places. It feels like you go on all of these adventures and travel. Your book Screen Freed is so great. In fact, I was just sharing it in a group. People were trying to share like their journeys with tech. And one thing I want to I'll tell you this to the moon like, yes, it's so great for people traveling with little kids and especially like those younger years. But when I read it, it really helped me rethink technology and it's still impacting us because it really did help me renegotiate our values and how I want to feel, not out of guilt or shame, but also not out of like pretending it's not an issue.
Speaker 1:So anyways, um so, getting into coaching, I'm thinking back to like when I first met Jenna Lee. We knew each other a little. We were like semi internet friends, more like internet acquaintances. I think you know we would like each other's shares. We would talk about a little bit and you came to a retreat. That was like our first real depth interaction. How, how did you feel coming into that retreat? What was that like for you, this new space where you didn't even really know me, you didn't know a lot of other people? Like, what made you come and what was it like? If you can think back I mean, that was a couple of years ago now- yeah 2022, maybe?
Speaker 1:Yep, I think Sound great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that. I think that's right. I think it was fall of 2022.
Speaker 1:We don't have a fact checker on this podcast, so there's no make up anything we want.
Speaker 2:Just kidding, yeah, that's a, that's a really fun. It's really fun to think back on that. So I, I think, probably a little bit uniquely, I have a lot of experience with diving into things sight unseen. You mentioned that I have lived a lot of places. I moved to Oregon having never been there. I moved to Austin having never been there. I moved to Austin having never been there. I moved to Dublin, never having been there.
Speaker 2:So like that's a bit my MO is sort of jumping in without a lot of upfront information. It's why I love obstacle course races. I just I think it's a really good way to challenge myself, because otherwise I would love to find every single solitary detail in advance and like just just crush all the mystery out of it. So instead I have really pushed myself in my life to dive into things that feel aligned and not really ask any more questions after that. So that's a bit of how I was coming into the retreat.
Speaker 2:I had felt very connected to your content. I liked your personality on your Instagram Becca is the best on Instagram Just like I don't scroll much anymore these days, but when your Instagram story or a post comes across my feed, I stop in my tracks and I read it or watch it. So I really liked your personality and I had experienced previously the value of in-person, community-based either healing or growth or even just, you know, business masterminds, and I was really looking for that. I was looking for it in my role as a mother. I was looking for it among women.
Speaker 2:I was looking for you know, I used to, I've traveled a lot to go to these things, but when I come home it's like, oh, I'm alone with this. So I was really looking for you know, I used to. I've traveled a lot to go to these things, but when I come home it's like, oh, I'm alone with this. So I was really looking for something that was involving people who are local, so that there was the opportunity for us to be together in person, you know, other than just once a year or twice a year. So all of those factors were present and I didn't really. And then I knew we would be in the woods in a cabin which is just like delightful, it's Colorado, it's amazing. So that's really all the information I needed and, yeah, I guess it could have gone horribly, but it didn't.
Speaker 1:If you think about it like that, could either be a nightmare or this magical, wonderful experience. It was a magical, wonderful experience.
Speaker 1:precisely, it was a magical wonderful experience, precisely so, looking back and you know I don't love the before and afters, I don't love the like you were this and now you're this, because we're all so multifaceted and we're always healing, we're always growing and I never see women as like a project or something that, like you, have to have this outcome. And you know we've talked about this how, like I struggle with marketing and I struggle with selling because so many other people, they sell this like magical transformation. And I'm curious for you what does like transformation actually look and feel like through these retreats and coaching? What does that look and feel like? Where, like there is this transformation that's happened in you. I mean, we've talked about it, you've shared it, I've seen it in you.
Speaker 1:And yet there's also this like you're not a before and after, like you're this continually growing person who still has experiences, even now, even in the afterlife, like I think of me now it's I'm so different than I used to be, but I'm still human, I still have stuff. There's never this like arrival. I know that's a really weird prompt, but I think it's. It's somewhere where I want to start.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I think it's a fun prompt and you know I love a metaphor and for me, the super cliche metaphor of life being like a meandering path, a journey, unless we have to and I've, and again, I'm really working to not live my life like that, because right like this is all we get. The experience of life is is is what we get, and so I would say that the retreat and working with you as a coaching client, I feel like I was going to walk a path right, life is until we're gone from this planet, we're moving through time and space, and what I get out of coaching and retreats and things like that is I a lot. I see things that I wouldn't see. So if you're just like walking this path and you're just staring at the path, not paying attention to anything around you, that's me pretty much in normal life and this enables me to open up, expand my view, to see things I wouldn't have seen, to like see things and actually develop the ability to like soak them in and take them in and live in that awe that if we make ourselves open to that awe, unfortunately, we make ourselves open to all things right, and so it opens us up in this really vulnerable way to like the things that hurt too. But through our coaching and the retreats I've just firmly rooted myself in. I want to be open because I don't want to miss the awe. I don't want to miss the tiny things that are really like the full heart things, the hug from my daughter when I really want to jump into the next task, because she stopped me in the middle of the kitchen while I'm cooking dinner, you know. So it's opened me. It's enabled me to see more things. It's enabled me when I'm sticking with the metaphor, when I come to like a river I need to ford, you know.
Speaker 2:I mean, one of the early challenges I was having when I first came to that retreat and we talked a lot about it at retreat was I was in a period in my life of just insanity. I was remodeling a home, I was selling an agency, I was working a full-time job and I was managing marketing clients on top of that and I'm a single mom with majority custody. My speed was supersonic and I was looking at some of those things evolving the business, selling me, leaving the full-time job and having some time to actually take one of my little mini retirements and just be in my life, and I was terrified because I'm like how am I going to slow down? How will I ever, ever slow down? I only know pedal to the metal, and so I would consider that like a river, like a thing I needed to forward and I needed to figure out how to do it. Well, and you helped me develop the tools and really you helped me just know that I could, which sounds so simple and is not even a little bit simple.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it sounds so basic. It's like the oh, you can do it.
Speaker 2:And it's like okay, great, but I don't believe you Like great head talking. But that's what I love about the somatic aspects of working with you. I would gladly run my entire life from like corporate central up in my head and that is really great in some aspects and it's really shit in others, such as relationships with my daughter and my partner. My physical health you know, understanding my capacity, believing that I actually have limitations to my partner. My physical health you know, understanding my capacity, believing that I actually have limitations to my capacity, rude.
Speaker 2:And so the somatic aspect of your coaching has kind of several things. One it's connected me to myself in a way that I was not ever connected. It has enabled me, when I learn something, when I learn a lesson, to actually absorb it and metabolize it, and that means it's become part of me. It's not like this place I have to go in my head to remind myself of a should. It's actually just a new layer of my being, of my way of being, and so I was resistant to the somatic aspects. You may remember, in the beginning I was like I don't want to tug up.
Speaker 1:How doesn't my body hurt Like this is weird. This is dumb Becca. What is this? Go back to the strategy, go back to the mindset and I'm like no, no, no, try it. Just trust me here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, if I had to say anything like that, that aspect of your coaching is the only way I could have ever come home to myself, and I continue to use it when I'm not with you. I continue to love how you ground me on our coaching calls by utilizing somatics and I just truly feel like, instead of my body being this separate entity that I'm just trying to control or slim down or forced to push through lack of sleep or all these things like this just separate sort of machine that I use, I've come to realize is actually me, part of me, and it is a store of memories and it is a place to live, and it is a place to live no matter what the world is doing out there. I can find a peaceful oasis here in this body and I didn't know that. So I'm truly grateful that your somatics brilliance and background and all the training you've chosen to invest in in that area has just really benefited me immensely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just sitting in awe of the work that you've done in the devotion and the dedication and something you just said. You said like coming home to yourself, like you find like that. It's so crazy because in the past few months and I don't even think it started integrating professionally for me yet, I think it's still a little bit personal. And it's so interesting that word home keeps coming up for me over and over and over again, because I've realized the last few years like oh, I feel at home in myself and not just shiny professional doing great Becca. Like, yeah, I feel at home there, but like I've always felt at home in myself and not just shiny professional doing great Becca. Like, yeah, I feel at home there, but like I've always felt at home in my greatness. I also feel at home when I'm having those like shit luteal days. I also feel at home when I'm in those struggling, healing, navigating hard shit in motherhood or marriage or business. Like I also feel home there. And that's always been my heart for this business. It's never been this. You become this excellent person because, in my opinion, you already are that. Like you already, like you can't earn it and you can't lose it, but it's like my hope for every woman I encounter, whether she works with me, whether she just listens to the podcast or my content which, like I think you've been there early enough where, like I still felt so cringy, like the people pleasing and the like, imposter syndrome and the like oh my God, I'm going to die Like those things were very real in the beginning for me. They still sometimes are, but my hope in all of that is that women come home to themselves, not that they see, becca, I'm not magic. I mean sure I have some magic, but my hope is always that I can create a space in a container where someone can hear themselves, where someone can feel themselves and see themselves and perceive their life in this new way that I once didn't know how to do either. It's like I was reading this beautiful you could call it poem writing. It was on a blog, it was from Aubrey, I'll put it below, but she was talking about like joy didn't come easy in motherhood, and like there's some moments where I remember there was a past version of me where, like this new embodiment, I didn't even know it was possible. I didn't know it was even real. And I have to say, too, one of the things I love about masterminds and retreats and I do get this with clients, but I think it's even more potent in a community and in person.
Speaker 1:The amount of permission and healing I've had from getting to be a witness to some of people's most raw and vulnerable moments is massive. Just witnessing these women who I see and I'm like holy shit, she's so cool. And then, like you, you are someone who, like when you walked into a room, I was like she is so much and everything in me lit up at that, because there was so long where women who were too much. I was terrified to be that, but I knew I was. And there was a new level of permission when I got in the room with you, when I said I want to even more like that, and not in a Becca's bad way, but in a like I think innately I am more like that, but I've hidden that part of me. I haven't embraced it because I've shamed it. But then I saw it in you and I was like it's easy for me to celebrate and love in her. Yes, why would I not like find that in me so?
Speaker 2:I just I call that borrowing, so I love that and I do it all the time in our math. After our mastermind and after retreat, I borrow what I saw women bring and sometimes I'm like, oh, it doesn't fit, that's fine, you know, just like I put the sweater back in their closet, not, you know, not my right color or whatever. But I think that getting you know it's different than the comparison on social media, right? Or we see someone on social media who we don't know and they're projecting something that they want us to see and we're like, oh, I want that. It's very different.
Speaker 2:Sitting in a room with women who are being raw and vulnerable and talking about the hard things in their lives and still talking about how they're showing up to those things, like that's what I want to borrow, because I don't need to borrow shininess. I want to borrow, you know, strength in the face of a challenge. I want to borrow creativity in a difficult relationship. I want to borrow vulnerability in my motherhood and when I see you and the women in our mastermind and retreats exhibiting those things, I see that it's possible. You're exactly right, there's permission and then I can borrow it. And you know they say that children learn from us modeling and I just I don't think that stops at childhood. I think we're, all you know, learning from modeling and I want to surround myself with people who have attributes that I want to try on, yeah Well.
Speaker 1:And they say, you become like the five people you spend the most time with. And what's hilarious is when I first learned that I had a toddler and a baby. And I remember like the literal day that I heard that, because I had heard it on like some bro self development podcast. I remember like it was one of those days where that spicy toddler was spicy, like we were having like roller coaster moments of like is she okay? Am I okay? What are we doing here?
Speaker 1:And I heard that and I was like, no wonder I feel like an insane person, no wonder I feel so dysregulated. But that to me, I had this moment where I was like, oh, this is essential. Me, I had this moment where I was like, oh, this is essential, this is non-negotiable that I get myself in regular, intentional community of women so that I have other people influencing me and to co-regulate with. Because the reality is like, and I have a great husband, and I even think of like now, like I have a great husband, I have a great friends, I have great family and for me, having an intentional community that is showing up with the purpose and the presence to for all of me to show up to the table, whatever's happening, whether it's business or motherhood or marriage or even like internal healing stuff that's going on. Having a table where we say we're setting aside this time to do this, we're setting aside this time to come together and show up to it.
Speaker 1:And that, for me, is what my coaching calls are, too is there's so many rooms and so many arenas where there's give and there's take, and there's not necessarily places where I go, where I feel like I can just come here and receive today. I don't have to bring anything, I don't have to show up as strong Becca, I don't have to know what's going on, I can just be a girl. That was my whole theme when I attended a retreat. The other it was early this summer, I attended a retreat instead of hosting and I was like I just get to be a girl, I don't have to be in, and you know, all those parts and pieces of me were still there. But there's a difference when you're not trying to be professional and you're not trying to be a parent and you're not trying to be a spouse and you're not trying to be a friend, you just get to be all of that and none of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I love that and I think you're right. There's the intentional like. First of all, there's the time, just strictly making time once a month to turn off my phone, to step away from my computer, to like just completely disconnect from the responsibilities and get to reflect on my life in the presence of people I trust to hold whatever I bring so powerful. And I also think like there's a lot of caretaking that can happen. And you know we've talked about the book too much and high functioning codependency extensively. It's kind of my new favorite topic.
Speaker 2:And you know, even in conversations, when I'm in conversation with a friend, a family member, a colleague or a client, there's a level of constant caretaking running in my brain of how do I make this conversation, whatever it needs to be for them, right, either efficient and effective for a colleague or like productive and make sure they feel held and that they can trust me with a client.
Speaker 2:Or, you know, just watching out for the emotions that my friend or family member might experience from what I'm saying. And while I'm working on reducing that caretaking because other people's feelings and all that are theirs there's just always still going to be an element of I care. I care if the thing I say hurts someone's feelings. And when we come together, I trust the women who we are in community with to, you know not. I mean, I really just trust them to have a ton of emotional intelligence, and they do. And so they don't take things personally and they're not thinking about what I'm saying through their own lens. They're really just like very present to an open to what I'm bringing. And then, likewise when, when they're speaking, I can just be really present and open, and there's there's a different kind of listening that occurs when when the recipients like is just focused on you. It's so cool.
Speaker 1:It's. It's so refreshing and, I think, what's interesting from my perspective, of retreats and masterminds specifically, and even with clients, but I think one-on-one with clients this changes a little bit but specifically in rooms of women, where there's a lot of most of the women I work with are caretakers by nature, they are leaders by nature. They will be the first ones to say I volunteer as tribute, whether that is to do the hard thing, to do the emotional labor, to negate their needs, to put their emotions or their business or their personal needs on the back burner for their family, for their friends, for their business. Like they will be the volunteerist tribute. They will be the first person to say oh, she needs me more than I need her right now. I'm going to just lay everything I needed at the back and I'm not going to bring it to the table because I need to be less so that she can take up space. There's like this competitive nature where you don't want it to be a competition and so when I'm creating the spaces for these retreats and these masterminds, I come in with pretty especially at the beginning, especially when it's a new room.
Speaker 1:It's been a while for, like our group, because we've been going for a while. But I usually come with a more masculine energy of like, hey, listen, you're not in charge of her, you're not responsible for her, and I really come with this energy, which isn't just what I say, it isn't just the rules, it's quite literally an embodiment of I've got you, I've got her, I've got the room. I'm the one paying attention to the energy in the room and where it's going, and I'll be the one who leads it. I'll be the one who speeds it up or slows it down or brings it deeper or brings it back up right when I'm like hey, guys, we're done doing deep work, now we're going to go up here. Now we're going to go play games, now we're going to like, and you know, always an integrity and always with like time.
Speaker 1:But I think a lot of spaces are missing, that they're trying so hard to be girls girls, if you will of well, we all just get along and like each other and it's like well, no, sometimes personalities clash and sometimes people have different views or different agendas or different needs, and if we're not talking about that, if we're not talking about that, if we're not bringing that to the table first, people won't feel safe enough to let down that persona, to let down that professionalism, to let down that like I've got this or the like. Oh, I have to pretend I'm falling apart just because she is versus. What I love and my always heart is that one woman in the room she can be having the greatest season ever. Everything is killing it and the women in the room have the capacity to witness her and what she's experiencing and notice they might have a response to that. They might have a reaction to that.
Speaker 1:We're not going to villainize that and also to not put that on her and to not make yourself cheapen or clean up what you're bringing to the table to match her energy. You don't have to match her energy. You can let her energy be her energy and bring your own to the table, and I think that's rare and I think it's hard to find where you can be that vulnerable without it getting gross and messy. I'm curious you know what feels different about these communities and these rooms to you. I'm curious what you experience.
Speaker 2:It's a great question.
Speaker 2:It's something I definitely wanted to touch on in this class or in this class, in this class, on this podcast, I, as I mentioned earlier, I've done a lot of personal development and that has been by myself, through reading, that has been in large conference-style rooms, that has been on intimate, very goal-driven teams.
Speaker 2:It's been really the gamut. I don't think there's any kind of personal development I haven't done and I loved that and a lot of that aligned with my natural instincts to like take responsibility for my life and own my results and you know, measure the things I'm doing in my life and you know understand why I'm getting the outcomes. If I want different outcomes, I need to do something different. Like all of that. You know pretty masculine and pretty intellectual and I already knew how to do that. So coming into coaching with you and being in these rooms and having it, first of all, not be goal-oriented was new for me and then to have it not just be like a like whipping myself toward a result, right, like. I already developed that skill set and it's frankly, like it's not the right tool for everything, but I was using it for everything.
Speaker 1:Just like whip yourself, just keep, just keep driving yourself and yeah it really wasn't working for motherhood and like let me just use my whip on you, honey, How's that?
Speaker 2:for myself. Like, let me just, you know, take full. I took full responsibility for my marriage, you know, and it turns out like that doesn't work. I could never make up for his zero percent. So, um, what I love is that it's because there's not an agenda other than everybody I don't even know if there is an agenda. Because there's not an agenda, because there's a sense of community, because there is that shared, shared celebration and empathy, because you hold the container so well for us that we can set down our need to have the answers and to to be the caregiver for others, whether they ask for it or not, and to appear perfect or all these things. We can set down all the bullshit from the world. Because you have held the container for us and because you constantly remind us, teach us and model taking up space. That was a huge lesson for me. I thought I took up a lot of space. People who know me are like she doesn't state all of her opinions and always ask for what she wants.
Speaker 2:No, there are more. And like I couldn't exit a conversation if I had to go to the bathroom, I was just like, no, just stay, that's not important, your literal physical body's need is not important, just stay because you don't want to interrupt the person. And now I'm like, no, I'm pretty sure they'll survive if I need to interrupt them to go. You know, care for myself, like you, model that and continue to encourage us around that. And so it. Yeah, it's, it's a space where I can come, be held without being coddled Maybe that's the most succinct way to put it, and that's really important to me because I always associated. If I wasn't the one holding the space, holding the vision, leading all of that, then the only alternative was either failure or just like totally coddling. And they didn't know there was a. You called it, it masculine, but I would also say that you bring a lot of very healthy feminine, and healthy feminine does not go oh you poor little baby man, your life is so hard or if they do, that's a very brief, like opportunity to empathize, and then we move into like a healthier space about it and so, um, the the healthy dance you do of masculine and feminine, the way you hold this, hold the container, um, the way that we get to be in community without agenda or goal or or this like underlying belief that exists behind a lot of personal development, which is like you're broken, come find the thing to fix. This is where you'll find the thing to fix about you. That's never the vibe. All of those things are really different from personal development. And then I talked to you the other day about how different this is from therapy too.
Speaker 2:My experiences with talk therapy have been they've ranged, but mostly individual. Talk therapy hasn't really moved the needle in my life and I often felt like the expectation was I would just come like dump my life for an hour and then I would leave and go back to that same life. I had had to come there to dump and I was like, well, that's not a good use of my time Like there's a little release, there's a little pressure release, just a little bit of like. Oh, somebody heard it, but there wasn't any like movement in my life. There wasn't any like movement in my life. There wasn't.
Speaker 2:I just kept bringing the same shit week after week and working with you on a coaching basis, although, once again, there's never like a defined agenda for our coaching there. I may bring an agenda to a call occasionally, but there's not like an overall agenda for the coaching. And yet I've had more movement in my life, more desirable results achieved in my life in terms of feeling happy in my parenting, in terms of building a freaking, amazing romantic partnership, in terms of stepping into my power as a businesswoman and as a human focus. They end up coming with like ease and they land with a solidity because, like I mentioned earlier, they're like part of my being now, versus just this tool I have to reach for when I'm struggling. So, yeah, those are some of the ways that you and coaching and masterminds and retreats with you are different and way better. In case I haven't been clear, way better than others.
Speaker 1:I love hearing the like relational aspect because I think it's one thing to teach someone a skill, it's one thing to say here's an answer to the problem you're having, and a lot of coaching and even a lot of modern therapy or pop psychology. It's like here's your question, here's your problem, here's the answer, here's the solution, here's the diagnosis. And my heart, my approach and even, like so many of my mentors, so much of my teaching, it's how do you relate to the thing? It's yes, this is slower, yes, this is not direct, and a lot. It's so funny.
Speaker 1:You talked about that earlier and I was thinking about like, there's so many clients who come to me who are very heart-centered, who are like I need to learn directness, I need to learn how to like use my mind, because my emotions are overriding me. And then I also have these clients who come to me and they're like here's my direct results I want to need how do I get them? And I'm like oh, the journey part is going to be so hard for you. But like, because it's true, like sometimes we have this agenda. But like, if you think, if you came to a relationship in a partnership, if you had, like, a boyfriend or husband, whatever, and you had an agenda for that person. Yeah, your partner had an agenda for you. They were like here's what I want out of Becca. How much would you not like my husband if he was like here's how I get what I want out of her. Here's how I treat her to get this thing. It's making me sick. Yeah, it would be like bad goosebumps, not good goosebumps.
Speaker 1:I want to not talk about him anymore because it's making me feel gross. But that is the relationship that so many women have to their lives is I am an object that creates things. I am an object that performs roles, that is productive. Here is how I get the output and I'm like no, you are a human who deserves relating to. You, are not a problem to solve, and if we can get that relationship healed, any problem that comes you can solve it, because now there's a relationship, there's a give and a take, there's a like. You were even talking about earlier, the whip, the like.
Speaker 1:High control isn't the word you used. It was a really good word. What was it? Ambition, drive, no, drive, yes, but it was like this high control over yourself or oh, I have to be this victim and I have to be really wimpy. It's that like I either have to have all the accountability or none of the accountability.
Speaker 1:I think so many women will say they want balance and it's like to me. There is no perfect balance. That's not a state you have in, it is. How do I relate to my polarities, to the part of me that wants and needs validation and also the part in me that wants and needs me to sometimes have this attitude of like, get up, get up, like no, we don't want to go back to like whipping ourselves into shape. But also we can't go to the polar opposite of having no accountability, not taking responsibility for ourselves, or actions or behaviors, like just recently.
Speaker 1:There's been some things in my life where I was like, oh, I wish I didn't know this about me, I wish I didn't see it. I don't like it, it's not fun, it's not fuzzy, but guess what? Loving myself is seeing those parts of me and learning how to love them into healing. And sometimes that looks like a firm mother setting boundaries for myself, not out of restriction, not out of punishment, but out of I love you too much to keep letting you consume too much or something that's hurting you or not consuming enough of what you need. That's not a healthy relationship to a person, or something that's hurting you or not consuming enough of what you need like, though, that's not a healthy relationship to a person. And that's always my heart and my goal with a woman, because it's like, if we can restore that relationship to yourself, you have what you need, no matter what season you're in, whether it's winter or fall or summer, because, guess what? You're gonna have high seasons, you're gonna have low.
Speaker 1:One of the things you said you mentioned these like word pictures, and this was a question I came up with that. I was actually really excited to ask you. I come up with the weirdest word pictures and I'm going to ask you if you can think of some that I've used, that you've loved, that we could talk about, that have maybe helped you, or maybe the weirdest one, but and this is off top of head, so it's okay if you don't remember any but are there any that we've talked about that have really helped you?
Speaker 2:What's a word picture?
Speaker 1:Not a word picture. How do you say this Like?
Speaker 2:a metaphor.
Speaker 1:Metaphor, that's the word. Oh yeah, yes, okay, well words right now.
Speaker 2:Hope, so, that is my job. So the uh yeah, the gas pedal one was huge. I remember, you know, saying to you like I only know how to go pedal to metal. I don't ever touch the brake. What if I touch the brake and my foot's so heavy it hits the brake and I never could take it off and I'm just stuck in my life and my life is happening to me. And so you really taught me.
Speaker 2:You were like, first of all, this is a terrible way to drive, although people do it. But you're right, you can have your one foot on the brake and one foot on the gas and you can toggle them. And that's not only okay, that's really effective at figuring out what the right speed is for you. And you can go 30, you can go 80, you can trust yourself to know the appropriate speed and then go it. And I was like, are you sure? And it took us a while, but like now I think I was telling you the other day, I don't even like that's not even a thought the fact that there was once upon a time that I didn't know that I could adjust my pace accordingly, moment to moment, day to day, month to month and season to season. It boggles me because once again, it's become part of who I am, that ability, so I will say another one you have is.
Speaker 2:I love when you talk about there's no such thing like balance, as in I'm going to find I'm going to strike this perfect percentage of every bucket in my life and then I will have it all. I love when you talk about that's bullshit. Balance is a constant, like it's a you've used a really good word and I'm blinking on it. What's that? Negotiating Maybe? Yeah, Like when you're like tuning an instrument, like recalibration, like it's a constant. You know recalibration and you're finding the balance that works today, that didn't work yesterday, that won't work tomorrow, and so what a lot of a lot of what you teach comes down to self-trust and you just find different, really good ways to say it and we all have. Every one of us is going to have a different area of our life in which we that having more self-trust could benefit us.
Speaker 2:But that's what that came down to, that pace when the miles per hour came down to self-trust, really. But you, putting it in that metaphor enabled me to be like, oh, I'm having a 30 mile an hour day, and yesterday was a 60 mile an hour. Today, Becca was right, I can do that, I can change this, so that was helpful. Let's see what else I love the, um, I mean the, the, the dead bird. One's pretty good. Can I bring that one up?
Speaker 1:The dead bird is also one of my favorite because it literally took me by surprise on a client call and I got done and I was like, oh, I needed this, Like I like I didn't have that metaphor until I was in that call and I was like, oh shit, that's really good, but really confusing, I think.
Speaker 2:I mean I think it's easily summarized for me I've, I've used, I've, literally before I've had to go talk to my partner about something. I was anxious about his response. I and hopefully you'll do a video clip I went and I just like metaphor, like in my mind, I like dropping this dead bird at his feet before I went into it. Yeah, and so I think that you know. The general description is it's like if you have the big thing that's so true for you and you are afraid that it's going to affect the other person, but you have to just not think about the other person and just bring them your dead bird, but you have to just not think about the other person and just bring them your dead bird and it's maybe.
Speaker 1:You know it feels ugly to you, feels vulnerable, feels messy, feels stinky, but like it's true. So you got to drop it at their feet and then they'll do what they're going to do with it. Backstory to that is so many of the women I work with and I would include myself in the women that I work with, by the way. I'm my hardest client, I'm the worst person to work with. Honestly, I'd way rather work with other people than myself.
Speaker 1:But we have this tendency to wrap everything in this pretty bow, to do so much mental and emotional and spiritual labor before we bring anyone else the problem.
Speaker 1:Like I used to never bring up any problems unless I already had a solution, unless I had already played mental chess 50 different ways of the way they could respond or the way they would respond or the way they used to respond, and the amount of energy that took me was insane.
Speaker 1:And also it was armor I would wear to protect myself from needing to be vulnerable and needing to show up messy, especially I think of in my marriage, or even with my friendships, or even like in my masterminds, where, like I wouldn't bring up business problems unless I also had a solution, or I wouldn't bring a problem to the table if I didn't have it well defined, if I couldn't come say this is what I need help with, instead of just coming and saying here this, I don't even know what I need, I don't know what to ask, I don't know what to look for.
Speaker 1:I would wait until I wasn't overwhelmed. I was always caretaking myself and I never gave other people the opportunity to show up for me, and I had to learn, especially in my marriage, to stop trying to prettily package everything and just bring him the dead bird. Like a cat just shows up and is like here's the bird, and then walk away and not need to draw it out, not need to over explain, not need to give, not needing me or him to validate it, just saying I think this is it or what I'm feeling, and so that's where the dead bird came from. Is like what if, instead of trying to make it this pretty easily non-messy package, there's just some people where we can just bring the dead bird?
Speaker 2:Well, and we actually give up the opportunity for connection and to be seen when we don't bring them the real, like our actual experience right, when we bring them the. My favorite thing is because I'm a writer and I post a lot to social media and publicly write and I'm like I'll post about it after I'm through it or after I fixed it and then it'll be like an aha for other people who might be in that season. But I never really, but I gloss over what the season was like in order to race to the solution and a lot of connections started happening for me and a lot of people reaching out to me and saying you know, I read your post. It meant so much to me. I'm totally there when I started sharing from the place of the yuck, the muck, the dealing with it, and I've had literal friendships come out of that where someone's, like I feel, seen and then we start talking about it and then we have this friendship immediately based on authenticity versus, like our polished end result versions.
Speaker 1:It's that messy middle and I think our culture and even especially in the entrepreneur world maybe not in the writing side of the entrepreneur world, but they're caught in I hear this constantly from coaches don't share until it's a healed scar. I'm like no, no, no, no, no. That was one of the biggest reasons I started my business, because I saw rooms and tables where women were just bleeding out and no one was healing and everyone was like it's fine, we're all just bleeding, everything's fine. And I was like why do we hate life and each other? And then there was these tables where people only talked about it when things were pretty and things were in the after and they had already had this transformational and it was always this testimony and never this like okay, I'm in it and I don't have easy answers and I don't have easy like there's no pretty bow to tie on this yet. And so much of the heart of coaching for me and the community especially communities, but even in one-on-one is like can we grow capacity to sit in the open questions where there's no easy answer for this question?
Speaker 1:I think so much of our human pain has come from other people trying to tie pretty bows on things that aren't pretty, trying to make things positive that aren't positive. We've tried to make good and happy this unachievable and unrealistic and unhealthy. Honestly, it's very unhealthy. It's like no. What if we learned to have capacity for in relationship to our full dynamic aliveness?
Speaker 1:And sometimes that feels like shit and sometimes you have these open wounds that are actively bleeding and you deserve connection while you're in that messy middle. You don't have to always clean it up, and I think a wounding a lot of women have when they come work with me is that they've never been in a room of women where they could have both, where they could be allowed to say I am really good, I've got this shit, I'm not worried about me, but I need to be able to come sometimes and be like I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know who I am, I'm confused, I'm in the messy middle, I'm in the dark, I'm in the transition, I'm not where I was, I'm not where I'm going. Women need those spaces where they're allowed to be really great and healthy and happy and also have moments of just like what the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you mean like the full spectrum of, like the human experience? Yeah, I sometimes think about that. So I think, if I had to, if I had to summarize the results of working with you which is not the point, right, but it's funny because the results of working with you is that I'm no longer focused on the results and sometimes I have this mental picture of this spectrum, right, the entire breadth of the human experience, every single emotion that's available, every single like high, every single low. It's all on this sort of sliding scale and, like you said, like I think we're conditioned to want to be on this one end of that sliding scale where all the shiny unicorn emotions live. And, first of all, the deepest connections that I have in my life have been born from times when I've been typically on the other end of the scale or someone else has, and we've shown up for each other. And then the solidity of that relationship is established and we can celebrate all the good times together because we know we can also exist together in that other end of the spectrum.
Speaker 2:But what I really see is that you have increased my capacity to slide up and down that scale and both trust myself to know where to know where I am period, to even be able to sense where I am which is a lot of that semantics am, which is a lot of that, somatics.
Speaker 2:And then to trust myself that if I need to be somewhere else, I can, I can slide whatever direction I need to, and that kind of like agility, mental and emotional flexibility, um, deep self-trust that has nothing to do with my results and has everything to do with who I am.
Speaker 2:Um, and that comfort that I now have of I'm not going to get stuck somewhere, I can go somewhere else and I can ask for help if I need to go somewhere else, and I'm not going to just be like I'm not going to be stuck and I'm also not going to be at the whim of, you know, the winds of life and just blown around like a dandelion seed. So, yeah, you have just, you've increased my capacity for dancing through life, versus marching at the like with the drill sergeant who was me or you know, falling down in a puddle or wandering around, confused Like I. Just I feel like I can dance and the song changes and the beat changes, and sometimes I'm dancing in sorrow and sometimes I'm dancing in joy, but there's a like, fluid, beautiful human flexibility to the way I'm moving through life and you are a huge part of that. Now I'm going to tear up, but I just thank you for that gift.
Speaker 1:I'm just thinking of what you were sharing. It's like you felt like your only options were freeze like, do nothing, melt, like not exist, like just become this victim of life, or you have to just constantly be in fight, a brick has to be on the gas pedal and I I hear and I've told you this and I feel like I saw it long before you did Like which is funny that that tends to happen like all start seeing something before someone sees it in themselves, because it's especially with somatic healing sometimes, because it's especially with somatic healing sometimes, because it's not linear, it's it's sometimes, and because it's more of a skill we're building than like here. Let me give you an answer and let's get a really quick, easy result, which sometimes we have those, but it's like it becomes this evolution and it becomes this like wait, no, I see it. I see how much you trust yourself, I see how much you've built it. You just you're not seeing it and you're not witnessing in yourself Like it's there but you're not looking for it yet.
Speaker 1:And I think what's cool is I think of what, I wonder what this next season for you looks like, and I think what's amazing is even I'm sitting here a little in shock of like, oh, wait, results driven like generally, like I'm like, wait, what results are there? Like what's going to happen, what's going to come? And even I'm like, oh, what's next for you? And then I'm like, wait, but does it matter?
Speaker 2:That's it Like I used to be the most forecasting. That's it, like I used to be the most forecasting, planning every contingent. My contingency plans had contingency plans, had contingency plans, right, and I think that's yeah, that's a great way to put that. I don't really know what's next. My life is on the brink of a number of changes and, instead of filling me with dread or anxiety, or instead of going into pre-planning mode, I'm aware that I'm going to show up and I trust myself.
Speaker 1:When you're present here and now, it sounds like you're not stuck in the past or in the projected future, which I think you know. And we both love strategy still right, like we, and you know this about me I love the hardcore strategy, I love the systems, and that stuff really matters too. And sometimes there is an easy answer. Sometimes there's like a quite literally like try this and this. And then sometimes there's this like if we can just sit in the question long enough, if we can learn to relate to the deeper thing that's going on here, we'll find what we need. It might not be the answer you wanted, it might not. It might even be like a sidetrack, like I'm laughing at how many times people come with an agenda and they keep going with their agenda, and I'm like I want to pause on something you just purposely skipped over. Like you do that to me, I do. You'll be like here's what I want to talk about. Here's a quick check in. We're not going to talk about this today. And I pause and I'm like I think we should talk about that today, are you sure? I'm like yeah, because I watched your entire body Show me, and like that's the thing with relationships and that's the thing. We don't have to go here because this is a whole side conversation for me. But like the whole chat GPT as a therapist or a coach, I'm like I'm so sorry but no, because there's no relationship, there's no human who's relating to you and it's like sure, a chat GPT could be your coach for two and a half years, however long I've been working with you, and maybe it could recognize patterns even better than me, because it's not a human. But it's not a human. It's not like I know you, like I see you, I understand you and I don't.
Speaker 1:I have like a fundamental rule in myself that like, if I don't have an instant like body, physical, leaning in towards a woman, and it's not like I've I've never met a woman who I'm like, oh, I don't like her, I don't want to work with her, but I've had this, my like there's something in me that doesn't lean in, that doesn't. I don't like see that something in her. I know that I'm not the right person to work with her because I know that so much of that, not just growth, but like there has to be a relational aspect. I it can't just be me pretending and me having tools. I have a genuine care and love and, like I see something in women and I have to be able to see and feel it, to be able to relate to it. And I think that's a hard, vulnerable part for a lot of professionals that either people purposely don't have or they don't have healthy boundaries where they're constantly bringing it with them outside of calls.
Speaker 1:But anyhow, what I was going to say with all of that is just it's such a joy and an honor to be able to witness it.
Speaker 1:I mean, I just I cry on a regular basis thinking about the women that I still work with or the women that I have worked with, like I I know all their names, like I know what they've dealt with, I know what they've walked through and I just think I there's so many times where I think if people could just be a fly on the wall to the conversations that women have, if they could just hear how okay and normal it is to feel those ways and not just you're okay, feel that way, but also like here's how you heal, here's how you move out of that, because it's like I love you, but I love you too much to stare at you in that hole and just be like well, you're okay, you're fine. Like yeah, I know you're treading water, but like it's okay, that's just the season, it's like. No, like I really truly want to help you build skills, so that you don't feel that way.
Speaker 2:And then, when you do feel that way, here's how you keep doing it, maybe in a less exhausting way. Yeah, I think I mean no-transcript. This is something we need to maybe circle back on and address, and you've done that with me. Every single time you have done that on a call with me, it has led to the most transformative call. That led to the biggest shift in my life.
Speaker 2:And you're right, sometimes it was shifts, it was shit I was hiding from, I did not want to address it, but thank goodness, you are who you are and you saw what my body was screaming about, even though my mind and voice were like we are not addressing that, it is not happening, and so that is such a powerful element of your training and, I think, also of who you are. There is some of your very own magic as well. And then you layer in the Enneagram, which has been a tool that you have used to hold up a mirror to my greatness, and also that mirror reflects my flaws somehow in a way that I'm like okay with some of these and I see a path forward to navigating the ones I'm not as okay with it. Just, I don't know, like you, I've worked with different people with the Enneagram and no one uses it quite in the way you do to make me fall absolutely in love with aspects of who I am and then be okay with the growth path, whatever it ends up being toward.
Speaker 1:You know, turning some of the weaknesses, you know mitigating the effects of the weaknesses or even turning them into strength, so Mitigating the effects of the weaknesses is actually a perfect way to say that, because on a regular basis I look at myself and I'm like you are being such an unhealthy too right now, like right, I was just talking about when I was being luteal and like for sure the most unhealthy parts of me come up and you know we're not going to get into my stuff but like Enneagram without fail, is that like objective observer, observer who's like kind and compassionate but like only speaks truth? Yes, oh shit, I. I see myself in a way that like I actually kind of didn't want to see myself, but now that I've sat with it, now that I've had that like exposure therapy, I can breathe, even when that happens, and it gives me choice and agency of okay, this part of me might not go away, but I can sure as heck bring it into a little bit more maturity. Or I can own it right. Like there are many times with my family where I'm like hey, I'm so sorry I don't use the word bitch to my kids, I will. Sometimes with my husband, I'm like I know that I am cranky, I'm in a bad mood, I'm going to be. It's not you, it's the PMS, or it's like I'm having a day and I'm so sorry. I'm doing my best and if I'm cranky can you let me know. If I'm off, can you let me know. Or with my kids, hey, I'm having a tough day. I'm having a moment. I'm so sorry. I snapped at you. That wasn't your fault. I take responsibility. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1:I never used to do that when I was hiding in shame from those parts of me. It wasn't until I was willing to see them. And I think that's what's powerful with Enneagram is it helps us see us. And they're like how do you know what type you are? And I'm like it's the type where you have a literal reaction of like like there's a cringe. There's a cringe and almost like a deep shame, a deep like oh, I don't like that. That will come up, because typically when we're reading other types, we don't get that. We think, oh, it would be so great to be a two. And I'm like, yeah, until you've had a mother or a friend or a sister who's an unhealthy type two, then come talk to me when you've been in close intimate relationship with an unhealthy two, and I'm speaking as an Enneagram two.
Speaker 1:I am not cute when I'm unhealthy. I'm really good at pretending, really good at prideful, really good at lying, but it's like it only looks cute from far away. Really good at lying, but it's like it only looks cute from far away when it's your lived experience. Each person has that like what is wrong with me? How am I broken?
Speaker 1:But what I love is that Enneagram helps us see your greatest weaknesses. Are just your strengths over and underutilized? And it gives us those helpful tools of like okay, here's when you're veering off. It gives us those helpful tools of like okay, here's when you're veering off. Here's when you're showing up in your ego or your immaturity or your really unhealed younger parts. Here's how we bring that back into a health. So I love that you brought up Enneagram because it's so interesting that, like I would never, I don't usually walk around saying like I'm an Enneagram coach. It's something that I went and certified in because I wanted the language for all these different lenses and views of the world and it does bring such a richness to coaching. But it's something I always talk often about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that when I'm referring you to people, which I obviously refer you to every incredible powerful woman in my life, constantly, you know. So I've had the analytical types who are like, well, what are her, what are her certificate? Like, what's her, what are her certifications? You know, what is she, what's her approach? And I'm like, okay, well, first of all, if you're choosing, like a therapist or a coach, based on this singular approach that they have, like I feel concerned because you are not a singular human.
Speaker 2:My partner has this saying he says if your solution is a hammer, every problem's a nail, something like that. If your tool's a hammer, every problem's a nail. And it's like every problem's not a nail. There's like a knot over there. What are you going to do with a hammer about a knot that you're just not going to? And so, while you do have this somatics background, this parts work, this Enneagram, like you have all these trainings and tools at your fingertips. It's the way you weave them together. Well, actually, first of all, it's the way you are able to sit with and actually like, see where your clients is at. First of all, that's the, that's the invisible step that is so, I think, easy to undervalue, but is like the, the crux of your magic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, just chucking out a problem. Here's a hammer, here's a hammer, here's a hammer.
Speaker 2:Exactly so, like your ability to see where, where your clients are actually at first of all, next level, and then to weave together and to have the responsive flexibility to see that the hammer's not working and exchange it for a lock pick and exchange it for a soft blanket and exchange it for, you know, a coat, like whatever. I think is really amazing, and it makes it difficult to refer you to someone who's looking for a. I am or have a problem. I want the right, fitting solution, but I think when someone is open to exploring that the problem that they think they are or have maybe doesn't look or isn't the real problem that they think are, are they are, have, like, if they are willing to exploring or willing to explore their experience and, like you said, their relationship to their life, then you're just, you're just a, you're a perfect fit.
Speaker 1:You're just the best. I can talk to you forever. And also, like I just I want to thank you for how much you've shared it. Just it's lighting me up for what I do and why I do it, and the heart of why I do of especially this relationality of cause. It's like I see a lot of intake forms and personality of. Because it's like I see a lot of intake forms and each one of them will sometimes have very similar language, because a lot of the language we're getting for what the problem is is coming from culture, it's coming from social media, it's coming from other people telling us here's what's wrong with you.
Speaker 1:But when I get into a Zoom room with that woman, you get into a room with her at a retreat. You get into a Zoom room with that woman. You get into a room with her at a retreat, you get into a women's circle with her and she starts talking about it. What that looks like might be very different than how it feels to her, and someone might be burning out because they're going too slow, or someone's burning out because their foot is on the gas and on the brakes and they need permission to just have their foot on the gas. But I think so many people have this hammer approach to all of these things of here's your problem, here's your solution, here's your 10-step strategy. Right, we laugh about this in Mastermind. Whatever for your 10-step thing, that'll for sure work. And it's like, yeah, that works for simplistic data strategies.
Speaker 1:But humans, motherhood relationships and even business, a lot of times they're not simple equations, there's so many factors playing into it and it's like a bowl of spaghetti, right, like I don't know who says that, someone says it, but like a lot of times it's just like this bowl of spaghetti and you can't just be like, oh, it's that one noodle. It's like, no, there's like all of these different things tied in and you kind of have to. It's going to take a minute. You can't just like throw it on there and hope it works. It's like you sometimes have to pull it things for a minute and have some patience. And that is hard when you're used to the strategy.
Speaker 1:And I have to laugh because I feel like when I first started as a coach, my personal approach to my own life was very much that, like you know, that personal growth mindset where, like, here's the strategy, here's the habits, here's the very's the habits. Here's the very masculine, very logical, but that, like it wasn't hitting, it wasn't changing how it felt. It changed how it looked. It changed how I was perceived, it changed how my motherhood looked on the outside. It didn't do that much to change how it felt in my body. It didn't do that much to change how marriage felt, even if I was getting better at things, and I think that's what the slower, somatic, relational stuff has done, which I'm just trying to think, if I'm. Are there any final things that you would want to say or that you would want to end this with?
Speaker 2:Yes, it's interesting when I talk to people about your services and working with you and they ask me oh, what problem are you trying to solve? What result are you trying to get? Because your life seems pretty great and I'm like my life results are great. Right, I would be considered successful, I have a great relationship, I have a healthy, happy daughter who I have a wonderful relationship with.
Speaker 2:On the surface, if you looked at my life, even back then, when I first started working with you, people would kill to have my life and yet my experience of it, there were a lot of areas where I was fucking miserable. And so, even though you could look at my life and you could say, oh, are you making six times what you were making when you first started working with Becca? Are you, you know? Are your results X, y, z? It's like who fucking cares? Because I love to be here. I love to be here in my life, even when it's not fun.
Speaker 2:I'm grounded in, like I want to be here, I want to be having this experience and I'm willing to have this experience fully and not hide from it and not shirk it and not get away from it by future planning or pining for the past, I'm willing to actually live in my life and it's why I refer you to people who aren't in a place of struggle necessarily, or a season of difficulty, because I think that there's always more room to live more fully into ourselves and, as we've said numerous times on this call in relationship with our lives, and I want that for everyone because it has been an immeasurable gift for me.
Speaker 2:So you're not just someone who helps people through tough seasons, although you are an incredible asset. Although you are an incredible asset new motherhood, post-divorce, difficult years of marriage, confusion around business, like healing from trauma Like you are an amazing resource from people who need help in a time of struggle or difficulty or feeling lost, and working with you when my life is gangbusters is just even better. Gangbusters is just even better. You're like the frosting and you help me get to live fully into my life, and so I'm so grateful for you, for you being part of my life, for any opportunity I have to interact with you and, obviously, to win as your podcast guest number one.
Speaker 1:Obviously Win. As the podcast guest Three P, I feel like you need a medal. First of all, thank you. Thank you for everything you've shared in this whole podcast and just the word. You're so good with words, you're so good with language and even you've given me so much in this podcast and just witnessing you is such a gift. Like in general, but also this, you know, I could just gush about you. I. There's this real where it's like when you're an overly affectionate person and that is me it's like I like when I love people, when I care about people. I care big and I'm not apologetic about that Like I will love you too much and I hope you feel uncomfortable with how much I like you.
Speaker 1:One of the things you're saying and I think this is a great place to wrap it up is I think so many people wait to get help until they're drowning.
Speaker 1:Yes, many people wait until they're middle of the storm and then they go and they're like I need rehab and I'm like the best time to build a bigger, better boat is when you're not drowning.
Speaker 1:And that's not to say there's any shame with getting help ever.
Speaker 1:And I look at my life right now and I've had one-on-one coaching for years, for years now, and this last winter, fall, you know this but like I went through some deep, hard stuff and it was one of the first times in a couple of years, honestly, that I needed coaching, that I felt like I need this to be able to show up to my life. Well, now I'm in a season where the last few calls I've shown up and I'm like I got nothing, I got no content, I got no problems, I got no things. Those have been some of the most potent calls, because I have capacity, because I have the mental and emotional wherewithal to look around and say where are the leaky holes that are going to bring down the boat? But I have attention to pay to them and it's a gift to me and I think it's helped me so much, even when I'm not drowning, even when I'm not struggling, because I hold a lot and I lead a lot and I want to ask a lot of myself.
Speaker 2:I continually want to ask more of myself and in order to do that, I need more coming in. I don't need anybody, and it's like, actually, we're still the same human community oriented people that we've always been, and I I think that that our healing and our growth and our joy occurs in relationship, whether it's relationship to ourselves or relationship to others. So I, I just I believe in filling that bucket constantly, and then sometimes it gets dumped. I need the whole fricking thing Right and I have to start over refilling it, but I'm so grateful that I was all along. So, yeah, I don't. Just to be clear, you have to do this for the rest of your life, Um, because they don't foresee ever not having you in my life as a coach.
Speaker 1:So I mean I love this. And we were doing those like fun questions on our road trip and it was like what would you do for work if you were a millionaire? And I was like this, this if I had, or it was like if you won the lottery, right, like if money was no issue, what would you do? And I was like exactly what I'm doing right now. I mean I might, I might, of course, I'd have like a whole nonprofit side, but you know, okay, thank you so so much for being here today and for doing this podcast. It was so, so fun. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:I would love to talk about you for two more hours, but no one would listen, so we'll just do that off podcast sometime.
Speaker 1:Thanks for joining me on today's episode of the motherhood mentor podcast. Make sure you have subscribed below so that you see all of the upcoming podcasts that are coming soon. I hope you take today's episode and you take one aha moment, one small, tangible piece of work that you can bring into your life, to get your hands a little dirty, to get your skin in the game. Don't forget to take up audacious space in your life. If this podcast moved you, if it inspired you, if it encouraged you, please do me a favor and leave a review, send an episode to a friend. This helps the show gain more traction. It helps us to support more moms, more women, and that's what we're doing here. So I hope you have an awesome day, take really good care of yourself and I'll see you next time.
