When It’s Never Enough: Healing the High-Achiever Nervous System

Let's explore how to stay hungry for growth without missing the life you already built. We share practical ways to feel content now while nurturing ambition for your body, marriage, work, and motherhood.

• naming the gap obsession and its cost
• choosing hungry not starving as a core mindset
• celebrating wins you already own and wanting what you already have 
• body peace through strength, food freedom and comfort
• building a resilient marriage with real boundaries
• steady parenting with repair and regulation
• keeping ambition as permission not pressure
• rejecting one-size blueprints for inner GPS
• making next-step choices in the fog

If this is you and you feel like you are trying to build capacity to pursue your incessant ambition and desire, while also feeling enough- like you can slow down and be present and content- this is exactly the work we do in my 1:1 coaching and at the upcoming Steady Retreat. 

You can find all the details for Retreat here: https://themotherhoodmentor.myflodesk.com/steadyretreat

Or coaching work here: https://www.the-motherhood-mentor.com/reclamationcoaching

If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here

💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops.

🎧 Did you love this episode? Be sure to follow and please take a quick moment to leave a review and send this episode to a friend. I'd love to hear from you on how this podcast impacted you, send me a DM or an email.

Chapters

• 0:00 Missing Milestones And Presence
• 1:06 The Gap Between Now And Potential
• 2:06 Hungry Yet Content As A Shift
• 3:10 Culture Of Constant Growth
• 4:08 What Do You Want You Already Have
• 5:16 Body Peace And Training Wins
• 7:01 Marriage Built Through Hard Work
• 7:36 Motherhood Boundaries And Regulation
• 8:44 Keeping Ambition Without Pressure
• 10:02 Starving Versus Satisfied Hunger
• 11:21 Contentment With Ongoing Growth
• 12:41 Breaking Patterns Our Mothers Modeled
• 14:00 Appreciating Imperfect Progress
• 15:08 Disneyland And Inner GPS
• 17:00 Build A Life You Love Now

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

I almost missed celebrating five years of business this year. I almost missed celebrating the reality that I started a podcast two years ago. And by the way, I was fucking terrified. Terrified. And I almost missed it because I was paying so much attention on where I'm headed that I didn't realize where I am. This is one of the things that I think steals the most presence from people who are highly ambitious and highly functional, is you become obsessed with your potential. And you are so focused on the gap, the gap between where you are and where you could be. You are almost obsessed with your potential. You are obsessed with how much better things could get. And sometimes this can be a hunger and a desire and a drive. And I love that part of me. I don't want to get rid of that part of me. I love it. And that part of me can also make me miss the present. It can almost make me constantly. It's like you're on vacation planning your next vacation, but you're not actually in it. You're not actually doing it. You're not living it and present and connected and like looking around, going, oh my gosh, look what I've done. Look where I am. Look who I am. Look, look how far I've already come. Like me five years ago, holy shit. Pre-business me, like, and I just, like, not even just professionally, but personally, what five years has done, like who I've become in that five years, I almost missed that because I was so focused on the potential and how I can make it better and how I can heal more and how I can be more productive and like help more people. And it's just like one of the things that I think defined this year so much for me is I realized that I am so hungry, but I'm finally content. I finally feel good enough. Like if this is all I ever became and this is all I ever did, it would be enough. I'd be satisfied. And I don't know if perfectionists tend to ever feel that way about anything, about their motherhood, about their bodies, about their health, about their marriages.

SPEAKER_00: 2:30

Like, can you feel like it's good enough?

SPEAKER_01: 2:37

And you're still allowed to look around and go, this is amazing. Thank you. More please. I love this. How much better can it get? That is a very different feeling than the feeling I used to constantly get when I was like hyper obsessed with personal growth and development of like, I just always need expansion, expansion, expansion. And it's like this year was a massive contraction. This year was a massive like pulling back. And it was one of my best years ever on every front. Now, you look at my statistics, you look at my numbers, like the things that you could look at on paper and track. It didn't meet my expectations. It wasn't what I wanted, it wasn't what I thought I deserved. And I'm still a little bit disappointed. I still have these weird moments of embarrassment or shame because it feels like we live in an we live in this culture that is just so obsessed with constant growth. To the point where like, even when the growth is happening, we miss it. We don't get to experience it. We're like so obsessed with fixing what's wrong that we never get to experience and like soak in everything that's right. What do you want that you what do you want that you already have? That's one of my favorite questions. And I was journaling on it this morning of what do I want that I already have, that's already mine? Maybe it was inherent and it was just something that is mine that can't be taken away. Like it's just inherently my me. But I also think about the things that I have now that like I had to fight for. Like I had to dig myself out of. Like this last year, I didn't have any, I can't think of a time that I had food noise or body noise. Like I had no issues with my body, which is wild because by the way, I was the I'm the heaviest weight I've ever been in my life. And I am the most satisfied with my body that I've ever been in my life. And by the way, health-wise, I eat better than I've ever eaten. I've trained more than I've ever trained. I can move more weight than I've ever moved. I have better cardio and like heart health than I've ever had in my entire life. I'm not insecure about my body. Like I don't even think about it when I take my shirt off at the gym because I cannot tolerate the feeling of like fabric against my skin when I work out. That the first time I took my shirt off and wore my bra and leggings to work out in was like revolutionary for me. I remember it being like this big deal in my head. One, because of my body. Two, because of weird religious bullshit about like modesty and like wanting attention when like it has nothing to do with that. It's literally my comfort and prioritizing how it feels over what it looks like. Anyways, I have had like this whole year so much peace, so much freedom, so much joy in my body and movement, and eating, and like also it not being a thing. Like it wasn't even on my radar. Like we went to the lake when we were camping this summer with friends. Not once did I even think about my swimsuit or what my body looked in the swimsuit. All I did was go and have fun. Like it didn't even occur to me to think about it. No energy no mental or emotional energy was spent on my body. And like that was most of the year. There was a couple times I put on an outfit and then I almost changed. And then I was like, well, that's dumb. If I saw someone else in this outfit, I would think she looked really cute. And I chose to be nice to myself. But I was like, that's wild. That's wild. My marriage this year. Oh my God, my marriage, holy shit. We have the best marriage ever. And we had to work for that. We we had to figure that out. We we both had to do a lot of growing and a lot of fighting ourselves and each other, like fighting for each other, fighting for ourselves. Like we built that. We did that. And it's not because we didn't have obstacles in our way that we're both self-inflicted and, you know, just having kids and all of the normal stresses and pressures that a marriage and a relationship have. I look back at my motherhood this year. I have never been more present and connected to my kids. I have never felt more proud of myself for the way that I am both kind and nurturing, but also had like a really good backbone. Like I had really good boundaries with my kids this year. And they got to see a mom who is just wildly dynamically alive and so regulated. I can't like there was a few times where I lost my shit this year, but for and then when I did, it was pretty quick one. And I was very quick to come back and say, hey, I lost my shit. That's not on you, that's not on me. Here's what I'm gonna go do to take care of it. I was so steady. I was so steady when other people were not. I the way that I learned how to show up to conflict this year and boundaries this year. I did that. And I almost missed all of that because I was obsessed with where I was going, with who I was becoming. That I almost missed who I already am and what I already have. And I think so many people who are ambitious, so many people who struggle with perfectionism, that's the thing that sucks. It's not that you don't have a life that you love, it's that you can't even feel it. You can't even enjoy it because you were obsessed with what has to change. You you see where you are and you see your potential. And listen, we don't want to get rid of that part. We don't want to get rid of the perfectionism. We don't want to get rid of you, the part of you that drives you, that makes you hungry. Listen, I am hungry. I I am more hungry and ambitious than I've ever been. And yet that feels like a permission in my life now, not a pressure. And I caught myself today as I was driving, of like, I never slowed down to celebrate five years of business. That's crazy. And also like the failures and the obstacles, and oh my gosh, the emotional roller coaster it has been on to build a business in the seasons that I've built it. Like, if I look at my professional and my personal life and I look at them separately, but then I look at them together and I go, look, look at that.

SPEAKER_00: 10:03

And I almost missed it. I don't want you to miss it.

SPEAKER_01: 10:12

I want you to be able to keep that ambition, that drive, that desire, that dog in you, that hunger that wants more, that wants better. But can we have that from a content place? Because I think of hunger in our physical bodies, and I think of when I was starving. I was so undernourished that I was constantly binging. And I think that's what a lot of people have in their lives right now. Like you are so unsatisfied that you will take scraps. You will fill yourself on cheap shit that doesn't actually fuel you. It doesn't actually feel good, and it leaves you starving. Like you're never satisfied because like you're never eating things that fill you. And now I think of I'm constantly hungry, but I'm not starving because I'm filling myself with not only what I need, but also what I want. But I'm also not filling my, I'm not like distracting myself with cheap shit that's like easy. I'm going for what I actually want and need, and that takes longer. It's harder, it's more inconvenient, it's more uncomfortable, it doesn't taste as good at first. I think that's what so many people are trying to do. They're trying to build these lives that are both satisfying, but they're also allowed to be still hungry. I I don't want to stay here. I want to keep growing and learning and healing. I want to keep maturing emotionally, spiritually, relationally, like on every front. I hope to just get better and better every year. And I want to know what it's like to feel so content and be able to enjoy all of it. Like where I am right here and now.

SPEAKER_00: 12:16

Like I want to be able to soak in this, this season of my motherhood, this season of me.

SPEAKER_01: 12:27

I think that's what so many women are wanting. They want this presence and they want to feel content, but not in the content of like never wanting more. Because I think a lot of women in this generation, they they saw their parents get to essentially the age we are now. Right? I work with a lot of moms who their mothers are still essentially the people that they were when they parented. Like their mothers never grew up emotionally or mentally or relationally. Their mothers never wanted for more or asked for more. They just got to this certain place in adulthood and then they stopped growing up. They stopped changing, they stopped being curious, they stopped seeking out new ways of being and trying things and creating things and building healthier relationships. And it's like they all already are outgrowing their mothers because their mothers stopped growing. They stopped healing, they stopped doing the hard work of growing up. I think as adults, we still grow up, but but that perfectionism comes in as this shame, as this pressure of never feeling good enough, of feeling like you have to get it just perfect.

SPEAKER_00: 13:57

A feeling like you have to be this one certainly. I hope you can slow down today and witness what do I want that I already have?

SPEAKER_01: 14:16

How far have I come? How much have I already accomplished? Like, you know, perfect example, my podcast. It's not where I want it to be. I want it to get better in quality, in quantent, and quantent, in content, in guests, in, you know, it's reach, it's numbers. Of course I want those things to get better. But can I slow down and appreciate like what it already is and where it started?

SPEAKER_00: 14:48

It's almost my baby's birthdays.

SPEAKER_01: 14:51

And how crazy would it be if I didn't acknowledge how much different they are this year than last year? But I'm also not comparing to who they're gonna be next year. I mean, it's exciting. It's also a little terrifying because oh my gosh, I'll have a 15-year-old next year. I'll have a 15-year-old. I will have a child who can drive, which is like crazy. But like, I'm not gonna expect her to be that right now. I'm gonna love who she is right here and now because I don't want to miss 14 with my daughter or 13, because technically I still have like a whole month-ish of a 13-year-old.

SPEAKER_00: 15:34

I wonder if you can slow down and recognize where you are right now, who you are right now.

SPEAKER_01: 15:45

One of my analogies that I love to share is so many of us are looking for a blueprint. We're looking for a roadmap. Let's say you and I both want to go to Disneyland, and you hire me as a coach, and you're like, Becca, how do I get to Disneyland? And I'm like, great, perfect. I've been there. Here's the directions to Disneyland. If you follow my directions to Disneyland, you won't get there. Because me and you are starting from somewhere completely different. We're starting from a completely different place, city, address. Like even someone who lives three blocks away from me might not get to Disneyland because they don't live exactly where I live. If you want to get where you want to go, you have to know where you're starting. You have to know where you currently are right now in order to figure out where you're going. And by the way, you know what's much more effective than a blueprint or a roadmap that tells you exactly where to go? Inner GPS that knows where you are and knows the direction, because sometimes you're gonna get rerouted. Sometimes you're gonna hit a roadblock. Sometimes you're gonna have to take a little side excursion, right? A little, a little side quest, if you will. But if you know who you are, if you know where you are and you know where you're going, and you have that inner GPS, you can always figure out how to get there. But you can't get ahead of yourself. You can't be there before you're there. You have to take it one step at a time, one road at a time. And if you're in a season of a fog, you can't see what's further than your hand, what's further than your face. You can't see what's out there. You just literally have to take what you do have, what you do know, what's right in front of you, and make decisions for reasons that you like. That's how you that's how you build a life that you love. A life that you love now and in the future. That's self care. Knowing, knowing where and who you are and what you need right now, while also having a perception of where you're going, where you're headed, what you want and need that to look like.

SPEAKER_00: 18:01

I hope you have the most lovely day.