How and why to take a screen Detox with Nina Caviggiola

Less screen time, more life. 

Join Rebecca and Nina (Balkanina)If you’re arguing about devices more than you want to admit and you feel like tech is shaping your family more than you are, this episode is for you.

This conversation is a practical guide for parents and adults who want a calmer, healthier relationship with screens. We talk about why screen limits alone often don’t work, how screen overstimulation affects behavior, and what actually happens when families reset their relationship with technology.

You’ll hear what a real tech detox looks like, how to support your nervous system and your kids’ emotional regulation through the transition, and how to rebuild a more balanced relationship with screens long term.About Nina: 

About Nina:

I am a mom of 2 toddlers who shares the highs and lows of motherhood, self love & acceptance, and dressing a midsize "mom bod" in a relatable and honest way. On socials I share about everything from fashion, mental health and parenting to marriage and everything in between. I am a people LOVER, and extrovert, the girl who can read the room and is determined to put a smile on your face; I like to think I am everything you look for in a best friend! It is my mission to help the average woman (especially mom) feel less alone, no matter what season of life she is in.

Where to find Nina:

Mama Know's Podcast Episode with Clare Morell

 Get Nina's Tech Detox Guide 

Use code MENTOR15 for 15% off

 Books and other helpful resources: 

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt 

This Book is Helping Young People's Addition to Tech on The Tamron Hall Show 

If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here

💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops. 

🎧  Did you love this episode? Be sure to follow and please take a quick moment to leave a review and send this episode to a friend. I'd love to hear from you on how this podcast impacted you, send me a DM or an email. 

Transcript

Meet Nina And Her Path Online

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. I'm Becca, a somatic healing practitioner and a holistic life coach for moms, and this podcast is for you. You can expect honest conversations and incredible guests that speak to health, healing, and growth in every area of our life. This isn't just strategy for what we do, it's support for who we are. I believe we can be wildly ambitious while still holding all of our soft and hard humidity as. And then recently she's been talking about tech detoxing with her family. So we're gonna jump into that today. But Nina, would you just introduce yourself?

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Yeah, thank you so much, Rebecca, for having me. I'm so excited. This is my first podcast since I retired mine. So I feel so honored and so grateful to be here to talk to other moms. I think that is one of my biggest passions. So thank you for making time for me and I appreciate anyone that's listening. I hope you take something away that means a lot to you. So my name is Nina. I'm first and foremost a mom and I'm an influencer. That's kind of the simplest way to put it. I have been on social media since literally Instagram came out. I had I had a BlackBerry back then, you know, back in 2010. And then the iPhone came out. I have the iPhone. So I have been on the internet since I can remember. I've always been a very social person, always been very techy. And I started sharing my home DIY projects on Instagram, like when you would just post a photo, right? And it was super popular, people loved them. Then Instagram stories came out, and I started sharing my life on Instagram stories, just kind of tidbits. I was getting married at the time and little things like that. And eventually I just really grew an audience that wanted to be part of my community as far as marriage and motherhood and home. And eventually I had kids, and I think that's where it really landed for me. Motherhood was was and is the hardest and most incredible season I've ever experienced. And I think all moms can probably agree. And I was sharing about the ups and downs, my mental health, and somehow randomly, people wanted to know what I was wearing all the time. That's how the fashion portion came in. And this is what I tell people. I share a lot of fashion. I'm no expert. I never went to school for it. I just figured it out and I'm still figuring it out. But I think what made people attracted to my content when it came to fashion is because I was just figuring it out. I wasn't preaching expertise, but I was also a mid-sized woman. You didn't really see a lot of that in the space of influencing early on. You saw like the very pretty, curated, gorgeous girlies, not that we're not gorgeous, but I'm saying like it was very curated, and I was not curated. I'm still not curated. And I think that's what really drew people in. So fashion was what took off for me. And I think that's what I'm known for initially. But once people really get to know me, they know I'm way deeper than that. Fashion, like this is how people, this is how I explain it to people. Fashion is what hooks people in. It's the content that goes viral. It's the content that makes people stop and look. And then when they come into my door, they're like, whoa, there's so much depth here. She doesn't just talk about fashion. I talk about motherhood. I talk about marriage and mental health. I talk about, like you said, right now we are going through a tech detox with our kids. I talk about a lot of controversial things, and I'm very raw and vulnerable. And I think that's what people love about my influence, and I don't take that for granted. So long intro, but that's who I am. And you can find me at Balkanina if you're curious, and I'm sure you'll mention that at the end too.

Boundaries, Dopamine, And Creator Burnout

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Yeah. Well, and I I love your content. There's, I don't follow a ton of like mom influencers, if you will. And the few that I do follow, it's like they're they're showing up as themselves and they're talking about real life in a full picture way. And I think it's easy. I mean, we'll probably have to talk about this online, but like it's such a it's such a weird space to be in when you're creating, when you're being watched. Like I have a pretty small following on social media. So like, but even my like first few days on social media of like especially starting a business and creating being a creator on social media, people seeing you and perceiving you and having thoughts about you was wild for me as like a recovering people pleaser, just like putting out myself. And I really do think it makes you figure out who you are. And if you want to just be yourself online, or if you're gonna create some sort of like persona or a different version of yourself, but it's never the full picture. I mean, even with how much beautiful, amazing stuff you post, it's like real life, it's not the full picture of you and who you are and like what's going on behind the scenes. So I'm curious for you, like leading up to this tech detox that your family is doing, what has your relationship with social media been like, both as like a consumer, but also as a creator?

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Yeah, I think for me, it technology and social media, especially the influencer social media part of it, was very organic from the start. So I never really had a plan or a boundary or a mission. It was always just organic. And I think that sounds nice, but honestly, when you do go into the business side of it, it's not good. It's not good to put everything out there without a boundary. As we know, boundaries are very important. And for me, I didn't have any boundaries for the longest time. And I've learned over I've been on social media for 10 plus years that, and I and it wasn't even until like the last six years that I started setting boundaries that boundaries are extremely important, important. For me, because it was so organic, I was so consumed by it. I was constantly like seeking that connection, constantly seeking the dopamine. For me, someone messaging me, someone commenting, someone liking was a constant dopamine hit. And I'm a recovering people pleaser, I'm a perfectionist, I'm the eldest daughter, I'm a refugee. I have all the things that mean I'm going to want that, right? Like I want that constant like reassurance, the constant like need for someone else to tell me that I'm good enough. So for me, it was a really hard thing to unlearn that I'm worthy in this space, even when I set boundaries. I literally used to go like no days without answering a single DM. And I get thousands of DMs a day. So I would literally be like, I cannot go to sleep until every single message is answered. And I'm at the point where I'm like, you know what? Like, I can't do that. No one can physically answer a thousand emails every single day without not getting anything else done. So I have learned boundaries the hard way, and I'm in a really good place with that.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Yeah. Do you talk about like the boundaries with time? Do you feel like there were any like emotional or like mental boundaries you had to create with either the way that you consume content or even like what you create and what you put out there?

Emotional Filters And Protecting Mental Health

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Oh, 100%. I mean, the emotional boundaries are I every single day I have to intentionally work on those emotional boundaries. I get asked every day, I get asked, please send my family money, please share my GoFundMe, please do this or do better, or you're terrible, or you know, I get a lot of messages. They can range from like asking for money to you're incredible to you're the worst. So I get a lot of messages and the boundaries I've set for myself emotionally is that it is a tra at the end of the day, it's a transaction. I love to be connected to my audience, but a lot of those messages I have to set the boundary and treat them equally. And once in a while, you know, they get me. Like I'll go donate to people's GoFundMe's, and I I'm only human. I I have to still I'm proud of who I am. I am a very empathetic person and I want to help people, but the emotional boundaries are hard. I have to look away. I have a team. I have you know that setting on Instagram where you can filter words. Yeah. You can set, like I had to filter certain words like I filter fat, overweight, I filter ozempic, skinny, I filter all kinds of like swear words. I filter so many things. So if someone messages me anything with those words or comments, it doesn't show up. It I don't see it. So those are the boundaries I've set. And it some people say, Well, you're so soft, you can't handle it. No, I'm just setting a boundary for myself because I need to protect my mental health.

Why A Family Tech Detox

SPEAKER_00 10:12

So yeah, well, and I think it, I think it's leadership. You know, I was just talking, you know, we were having kind of this small businessy mastermind with several, all like mom women, business owners, and all people who are very empathetic, very like heart-centered people who like, yes, we run businesses, yes, we're building profitable things. And also like our main heart is what we're doing and how we're helping people and how we're leading. And one of the things we were talking about is one of these, one of these women, it's like I don't think it's talked enough about that sometimes the more I don't want to say this, like the more successful you get, the more successful you seem, the more especially on social media, I think sometimes you become this pedestalized person and people see you as someone who doesn't have limits, who like you almost get stripped a little bit of your humanity. And it breaks my heart when this happens because you know, I've worked with so many women leaders who it's like they feel like they've been pedestalized. And when more people see you and perceive you, a lot of people see you as someone who owes them something. They want something from you, they need something from you. And they, and it becomes really hard for you to navigate how often and how many no's you really do have to give in order to stay healthy, to stay in this place where you're not overgiving, not oversharing. And that is so hard for people who are empathetic. That's so hard when you're someone who like you deeply care. But like truly, you can only do so much. We are limited in our energy and our emotion. And like, that's why boundaries are so important. It's not that those are bad asks or those people wanting or needing those things are bad. And it's like you can't always give that. You can't always play God and like help and be everything to everyone all of the time. And yet, like, I don't know, for me, sometimes as a recovering people pleaser perfectionist, I'd like to just not have limits and be able to help and give everything. And I can't, like, and I don't want to anymore. And it does feel mean sometimes. And yet, on the other side of that is so much freedom and health, not just for your family, for you, but like the people ultimately who you're influencing or serving or who are watching you. Like, I think there's kind of a gross and unhealthy community culture for a lot. I mean, for a lot of influencers and people who have like very highly perceived jobs, like I think so many people they've lost that ability to be able to be human too.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah. No, that's very true. It's people like you said, people see you as this parasocial Yeah, that parasocial relationship. Yeah, it's like and really, if people could just be a fly on the wall in my house, I'm just such a normal person. I'm just a regular old mom. I have I have the same things that you're probably doing at your house. I have a messy house, I have clutter, I I all the same things, and I have all the same feelings. And I think what social media has taught me being sharing my life socially has taught me to truly set those boundaries and truly feel more confident in who I am. Yeah, even though it took a very long time getting knocked down a lot, but I feel way more confident in who I am and what I give because of social media and because of the boundaries that I've had to set with people.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah, I love that. So what leaning into like this tech detox? I'm so fascinated of like, has this been like a long time coming? Was this like all of a sudden you started seeing and feeling things? Like, what led you to wanting to do a tech detox in the first place with your family?

Defining Detox And The 30-Day Plan

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Yeah, so I have always been a big fan of delaying smartphones, delaying phones, right? Like it was always about the phone for me. And I have seen posts about it. So I I'm a I would say I'm a young mom. I have a seven-year, my seven-year-old is my oldest. So I feel like that's pretty young still. I'm still, I'm still learning. And I think as a mom, you're always learning. But yeah, as for me, I actually through my podcast learned a lot about technology and phones. And so I've had guests on my podcast. And honestly, had I not had that podcast, I don't know how aware I would be of this stuff, right? Like your algorithm feeds you whatever you are consuming. So when I'm consuming guest interviews about this and that, then that's what's gonna show up on my social media. So, and I also feel that with me, like I'm such a broad spectrum on social media, like you're gonna find everything on my page. So I had a podcast interview with a woman named Claire Morel. She's the author of The Tech Exit, and she's actually not really on social media because her whole point is tech detox. She, I think she has a team who runs a page for her, but she wrote this book. I have not personally read the book yet. Reading books is hard for me, ADHD. But she came on my podcast and my jaw was on the floor. The statistics, the data, and she works for like government data. Like, so she presented all this data, and I was like, wow, I need to do that. I need to detox my kids. So she specifically she specifically talks about a tech detox in the book. She talks about how a tech detox because people think like tech free, they think it's forever, they think it's permanent, and and that's very scary. It's not okay. So tech is going to be in our lives forever, all of us. We're using tech right now. So it's not realistic to remove technology from your life for good, forever. What a tech detox entails, and it can it can be whatever you want, right? So it can be seven, 14, 30, however many days. I decided to do the 30 days because her data told me that in 30 days you could fully rewire your dopamine.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

So for me, I just had this gut feeling that I needed to do it. And not only the data, but also I have a sensory-seeking child who's neurodivergent. And I'm also neurodivergent, and so is my husband. And even though we were pretty strict with tech already, so we only allowed tech on the weekends. We allowed two hours on the iPad on Saturday, two hours on Sunday. I felt like four hours a week, like that's nothing. He had free range to most games, except like really violent, and they had to be within his age group. I thought I was pretty strict. No, what I found out from this podcast episode that I did was that even the simple act of constantly asking. So, like this was my son. He would say, Mom, is it the weekend yet? Can I have my iPad yet? Is it the weekend? And then one of our other rules is we can't have it until 11 a.m. So they had to spend the morning with free play. Is it 11? Is it 11? Like literally all morning would just constantly be waiting for that time. And that is actually a sign of addiction. Even though you don't have technology all week, you limit it to the weekends, constantly seeking it, constantly waiting for it and asking for it is a sign of addiction. It is a sign that his brain is seeking that dopamine. And he's already a dopamine seeker, and so am I. So I get it. And what technology does, it gives you constant hits of dopamine. So I knew that this was going to be great for him. And I decided that two weeks before school started is when we were gonna do it because I wanted them to start school with a fresh brain, with a brain that wasn't constantly overstimulated with technology. Because at school, you sit and you have to pay attention and listen. And when your brain is constantly in overdrive because you're getting dopamine hits every one minute, it's not going to do well. So for me, that was kind of it was literally like pulled it out of my ass. I was like, two weeks before school, we're gonna do 30 days. I had no idea what I was doing going into it, but I decided that this was gonna happen for our family, and it did.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah. So we're in February now.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

How long did you end up going? Did you go 30 days? Did you go longer than that?

Preparing Kids And Holding The Boundary

SPEAKER_01 18:41

We are still tech free. We oh my gosh, it's just like the coolest thing ever. We did 30 days. Well, so I think it's important to note that if you're gonna do it, the most important thing you can do is communicate with your child. Because if you're just like no more tablet for 30 days, they're gonna be like, what the hell? Why? You know, and I think it's also important to be a part of that detox. I think if you expect your children to stop using technology cold turkey, but you're gonna sit on your phone, like that's not fair. What are they learning? They're not learning anything from that. So we sat our kids down and we said, Mommy, I always tell my kids, my son hates this. He's always like, I hate when you learn new things, mom. Because I'm always like, mommy learned because mommy's learning every day, just like you. Mommy learned that there's a thing called addiction to technology. And I explained to him what addiction was for his age. I said, Addiction is when your brain needs something all the time. And I explained that to him, and then I explained to him what dopamine was and what that looks like. And I told him that me and daddy are gonna do it with you, and I told him exactly what it was gonna look like, and I made it seem like it was this family experience. Like, this is so exciting, it's a challenge. Like at the end, we're gonna be better. And so it came, you have to come with it, it come at it with a very positive mindset.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Yeah, not like a punishment, like you did something wrong, we're taking away your favorite thing. This is this is for the better, this is good for us.

Six Months Later: What Changed

Parents’ Detox Tactics And Work Limits

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Yeah, and truly reassuring their sadness through it is so important. They're gonna be sad. An addiction is real. You're gonna be sad. Like, imagine you are addicted to chocolate and you eat a bar of chocolate every single day, and someone cold turkey says, You're not having this anymore. You're gonna have physical symptoms. You I I detox from sugar and caffeine one time and I had headaches for seven days straight. So, and like the emotionality of like you're gonna have physical and emotional symptoms, your brain is gonna feel confused. So, I did, you know, I talked about all that with my kids, and I think I overshare with my kids, but I also want to make sure they understand why I'm doing things. And so we did it for 30 days, and I think the hardest part was the first week and a half. And it wasn't even that hard. Like, I think that's what surprised me the most. I was it wasn't hard. I was just like waiting for them to melt down. The weekend was coming, and I was like, Oh, he's gonna ask. He's gonna ask. So the first weekend he asked, he was like, Mom, are we doing the thing or can I have my iPad? And I said, Oh no, we're doing the challenge, we're doing the detox. So we're not gonna have the iPad this weekend. And he's like, Okay. He like, and I was like, What? Who are you? And I think it's because I prepared him for it. I think, and you know, that's that's probably not the case for every kid. Some kids might melt, some kids might lose their shit, but I think it's important to really hold your ground, hold the boundary, and reassure like, I know you're sad, I know you love your iPad, and I get that you're angry at me. This is the plan for our family right now, and just holding that space and That's what's hard, even for me. Like, I get triggered easily when they whine at me and eventually I lose my shit. I'm like, oh no, stop. You know, I lose my shit, but I try really hard to hold space for them. And eventually they stop asking. So we are six months in. Last month, we did re-introduce and I don't know why I decided to keep going. I well, I do know. I we decided to keep going because it was just incredible. It was the best thing I've ever done for our family. My kids are completely different kids. They are independently playing, they are getting along better. We are using less screens as a family. We're more connected. We have family game nights every single, not every single night, but we do two movie nights a week. So we didn't completely get rid of like TV. And this is a whole like another topic, but TV isn't necessarily considered interactive tech, depending on how you use it, right? Like, yeah, if you're gonna watch a movie or a show that has a beginning and an end and a purpose, and you're you know, like you're experiencing a story, that's not considered interactive tech. So for us, we left that we left two to three movie nights a week in because parents need a break, okay? Like, sit down, we're gonna watch a movie. But we told our kids, like, it's gonna be an experience. We're gonna sit on the couch as a family, we're gonna eat popcorn. And so our kids are holding longer conversations with us, with each other, they're outside more. And one of the coolest things that happened with it, I texted my neighbors because our kids play together all the time and they're also my close friends. I said, We're doing a tech detox. Can you guys do it with us so the kids can and they did? They're doing it with us, they're doing it their own way. Like their kids still get tech, they're you know, but when I said when I text, hey, kids are going outside, send your kids out, like all of them are in it together, and my kids feel less alone. They know there's other kids who also are being restricted, this and that. And so I mean, attention span has improved. My sensory-seeking kiddo, neurodivergent kiddo at school is doing amazing. Uh, it's just life-changing. And I and he asks, like maybe once a month, he'll say, Mom, it's been longer than 30 days. Like you said, only 30 days. And I said, you know what? I have learned that this has done amazing things for our brains, and I want to keep going, and that doesn't mean it's forever. So last month we did reintroduce one day on the weekend for one hour. We get to do Mario Kart as a family. So that's been reintroduced. I'm I don't know what the next steps are. I'm deathly afraid of the iPad conversation because I don't ever want to reintroduce that, but well, you don't have to, right? Like that bridge when it gets there.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Yeah. I'm curious. You know, we've talked about like how this impacted your kids. Like, how did it feel for you and your husband? Like, did you also fully give up like all interactive tech? And I'm so interested of like, how did you do that when you work on social media? Like, what does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Well, so for me, I obviously I couldn't. I work on social media, so my the boundaries I set for myself is first I did a 10-day phone detox. So it wasn't a full phone detox. Like I still had to work from my phone, but it was more so how I view my phone and how I interact with my phone throughout the day. So, like one of the challenges was don't take your phone into the bathroom. Like, spend the whole day without taking your phone at the bathroom. And then another one was don't have a phone zone. So one day, spend a whole day or like every night have a zone in your home where you put your phone from five to seven or whatever. And then another one was don't scroll before bed. It was like little things, like things that should be simple but are not. Things that we should be doing anyway, but we're not. So that's how I detoxed myself, quote unquote. And another thing I did is set more strict work limits as far as when am I on my phone for work and time blocking. So, like if I'm creating content between 10 and 1, I'm not I'm locking Instagram. I'm locking the app because I don't need to be in there to make a video, right? And then I have like a time where from like 9 to 11 where I do like research and editing. And that is when I will spend time in the apps and get gathering data and gathering content. But I also I'm very blessed. I have a team who also does that for me. And I literally couldn't tell you what's trending right now because I have a marketing girl who literally just every week gives me a report and says, This is what's trending, this is this, this is that, this is that. And and and she tells me what kind of content we could be creating within. And so I have very strict limits. My husband, he has never been a big social media person anyway. For him, I think the hardest was giving up Facebook Marketplace.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Oh my gosh, my husband and Facebook Marketplace. I was like, what are you shopping for? Why do like, no, they're like boomers. They're lit. My well, my husband and my husband's a redneck, so he's like, you know, I always see those memes that it's like, I'm not worried my husband's talking to another girl. I'm worried he's talking to some like other redneck who's selling a dump truck. Like literally, literally, a tractor. Yes, on a dump truck. I was like, we don't need to buy a dump truck. He's like, but we need one. I was like, so we do what normal people do and we go rent one for a day. We're not gonna buy it from Facebook Marketplace.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

No, seriously, my husband is the same way. He'll like, oh, I found a tractor. For what? We live in the middle of a suburb. Like look at this cool old box Chevy I found.

SPEAKER_00 27:59

I'm like, no more old trucks.

Analog Activities And Nervous System Rest

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Yeah, so for him that was hard, but I think he for him, I think out of any of us, it was the easiest to give it up. He's not, he has a lot better self-control. Like, I will say, put the phones away and he'll put it away. Yeah. So whereas I'm like reaching for it. And I do want to say, with all of that said, it is not easy. It is extremely easy. It's not easy to do it, but it is easy to grab your phone. It's easy to get sucked in, it's easy to scroll, it's easy to consume. I have to battle with it every single day. And some days I'm better than others. Like the other night I stayed up until 1 a.m. scrolling on TikTok. For what reason?

Independence, Sleep Gains, And Play

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Zero reasons. Oh, it's so easy. I mean, it is addictive. And also, I mean, TikTok is so much more addictive to me. It's like their algorithm is just so good sometimes. But I know for me, I think a lot of I've when I talk to a lot of women and business owners and moms about this, it's like, especially people who work on social media, it's very hard to like, how do you find a detox? How do you have boundaries? And I know for me, I I take most weekends off. And then I give myself usually if I'm really like if my nervous system is an overload or if I'm overwhelmed, I'll usually give myself a day or two during the week where I just don't go on it. Like my I'm not an influencer, right? So like I have a different relationship to it business-wise, where like I don't need to be on there multiple times a day. Like that's not really what my business requires of me, even though I can definitely use that as like, oh, I'm working. And then oops, accidentally I went and did my post, but now I've been scrolling for 30, 40 minutes. Like, does that actually serve me? What has worked really well for me is I needed a new phone. And so now my old phone is my work phone. So my new phone does not have social media on it, and all of my social media is on my work phone. So literally when I'm not working, it's a lot easier for me where like social media doesn't leave the house with me anymore. It's not like I have to go get a different phone to do my social media. And it's it's been nice for me because it's clean, it's created like a cleaner boundary where, like, you know, for your kid, like for your kids, it was almost easier to just say like no iPads than having to do like, okay, iPads two hours on a Saturday. Because for a long time for me, just having screen time limits, I got like, I think it was the Be Present app that worked for a while. But in this last season, I've been more dysregulated than I normally have been, more overwhelmed, more like sensory seeking, more ADHD. And so it was just like, I need a cleaner boundary here that like I don't have to maintain. So it's almost like the phone holds the boundary for me. So that's worked really well for me because I still have access to it. I can still go on it, but it just it's not the I don't end up there accidentally anymore. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

That's absolutely genius. I love that. But not everyone has that luxury of having a phone. I have I have two phones as well, and you just like, wow, that's such a good idea. But I actually have panic in my chest thinking of deleting social media off my phone. So this is an option for those listening and who are like, I love this. What you can do, and this is not an advertisement, they don't know who I am. There's a company called Brick. Have you heard of them?

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Yes, I've been hearing about this. I've heard only the best things from people.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

It's literally like a little cube that you put, it's a magnet. You can put it anywhere that's magnet, that's metal. We have it in the corner of our fridge, and it has an app. The app is free. You literally do a one-time payment, it's like$50. You and it was on a side note, created by two college kids in my in my local town, Madison, Wisconsin. So it's what it does is you tap your phone to it and it locks whatever apps you choose. So for me, on my personal phone, my work phone, nothing locks. My personal phone at 5 p.m., all social media apps lock. And the only way to unlock it is to tap it, but you can use like they have emergency unlocks, but you only get like two a month. So like I'll be going out and I'll be out and then I'll and I'll forget my work phone at home and my phone will lock, and I have zero access to social media unless I have my work phone. Yeah. So that's a that's a great option. We have that, and I use it, and it really does work because it it literally will pop up. You try to open Instagram, it'll say, Instagram is locked right now, go back to living.

Balance, Reintroduction, And Real-Life Travel

SPEAKER_00 32:46

I love it. Well, and it's like for me, you know, I've thought of, you know, do I fully exit social media? And like, you know, for me, that like just it doesn't feel like the right boundary for me right now with my business. So it's for me, it's figuring out what feels healthy to create and what feels healthy to consume. And I do have to be honest with myself, at least for me, of like there's a very big difference between when and what I'm creating on social media versus like how and when I'm consuming and what I'm consuming. Because like, I don't know, recently especially I had to get out of TikTok for a while because something messed with my algorithm and everything I was getting was so triggering and so bad for like my it was just not, it was not good. And it was like, I can't be doing this on a random Tuesday morning when I got on to like look at dopamine decor, and all of a sudden, like I'm being flooded with all of these things that it's like that's affecting my nervous system. But just looking at the impact, and I think also what what we miss out on when we have social media, you talked about that too, of like when you take away the social media, like what we actually have is so much better, like especially those more analog activities. I know like my family has been doing not quite as extreme of a tech detox, but like we were just like, okay, let's look really we we've been sick for a while, so there's been way too much TV at my household, and all of a sudden it was just like we need nights where like there's no tech. And it's like one night we were just sitting in like someone was watercolor painting, someone was like playing with their 3D pen, someone was read, like it was so precious. I was just like, wait, this is like I actually enjoy this. Like it's created so much more connection and play and like true rest. I feel so much more rested when I'm not on my phone at night.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

Yeah, and you know, the analog activities, like you mentioned, those those can include literally like folding laundry, they can include painting, crafts, walking, anything like that. And the reason those make you feel more calm and more rested, and just overall, I don't know. I personally feel like my brain quiets down quite a bit. I have ADHD. I go, I'll do a Sudoku puzzle or I'll be doing embroidery or something, and I or call even just coloring with my kids. I feel like less busy. Like my brain feels less busy. And the reason for that is because in those types of activities, you're using your whole body input and regulation. So you're not with your phone, you're constantly getting dopamine spikes without doing too much with your body. You're sitting there, you're, I mean, your thumbs, that's about it. But with these analog activities, you're touching something, you're you're moving your motion, like you're folding laundry, moving your arms, your brain is or isn't thinking, and then there's a type of rhythm. So all those things tell our body that you're safe, it's okay, slow down. Whereas dopamine is constantly like, hurry up, hurry up, next thing, next thing, hit, hit, hit.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

So yeah, well, and for so many of us, social media can be so dissociative where it's like you get done and you're like, What where even was I? Like, what did I even see? Like, you don't even remember what it was you were viewing or watching. And it's like it it brings us out of presence and embodiment and connection, not just to other people, but I think ourselves. So, on the other side of this tech detox, what do you feel like was the best outcome of it? Like, what do you think made it so worth it?

Resources, Guides, And Community

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Like I mentioned before, the best thing that came out of it was my kids were completely different kids. I feel like I've given them, you know, how people say that 90s childhood. I feel like I've given them that. My kids have a lot more independence than they did, especially my oldest. And I don't know about you, like I feel like there's a distinct difference between my oldest and my youngest as far as independent play. And I've heard from people that that can be pretty normal. Like my oldest is not good at it, he's not very good at independent play, and I think a lot of it was because I always I was constantly entertaining him. So he was my one that was like, I'm bored. What do I do? What do I do? But the best thing that came out of it is their imagination. And at age seven, they start to kind of split worlds. They're still imaginative, they still have this big creative imagination, but they're also like more logical and realistic. So they're being pulled. Like, do I grow up? Do I stay a kid? And I feel like this really helped my seven-year-old stay a kid because they really should be kids. Seven-year-olds should be up to 10 years old. Like they should be playing outside and pretend play and whatnot. So I think the best thing that came out of it is their independence, their ability to play more with better imagination, their ability to socialize differently with other kids. Yeah. Honestly, one weird thing that happened, which I didn't connect this until later, is they don't get out of their beds at night anymore. And I don't, I can't prove if it's connected. But since we probably tax them, yeah, research says it is, but they literally would come into our beds every night, like nightmares, like they can't sleep, they're jittery, but they don't do that anymore. So they're sleeping better. It just so many amazing things came out of it, and I just cannot express. And I I think the biggest thing that people say to me is that they're scared. Like, what's it gonna look like? How what am I a break from my kids? But I don't feel like I need a break from that anymore because they are figuring it out on their own. In the beginning, you have to give them ideas, and you know, you have to really set up your household and life to make sure that they are set up for success. If you're gonna sit on the couch and scroll on your phone, like that's not fair. So giving them ideas like we're gonna do a movie night this night, you guys are gonna go play outside this night, you're gonna go play together this night, and but eventually they I I'll like come up from my office and they'll be set up in the hallway. My house is a disaster. Like, yeah, no. There, that's the downfall, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:07

Prepare yourself for the creativity to take place with the pillow cushions and then right, everywhere, cushions everywhere, chairs everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

They literally set up a therapy office one time. I came upstairs and I was like, What is going on? They're like, Do you want to come to therapy? Oh my god.

Values, Safety, And Confident Parenting

SPEAKER_00 39:23

That's amazing. Yeah, the I always laugh that like my couch cushions are rarely on my couch, like they're just everywhere set up for my kid. And it's so crazy. When we went to move, this was like this was a while ago. Weirdest thing ever. Somehow our TV was wired in a way that like when they did the inspection, they were like, you literally have to like unplug your TV to like sell the house. It was the it was so weird. So we literally just didn't have a TV anymore. And for and then the buyer like fell out because they went and buy a car. So we had like a whole month in that house with only a TV in my husband and I's bedroom. So like it almost never got watched by the kids. And then when we moved, we just didn't put up a TV for like a month and a half. Then when my son broke his arm, we were like, okay, we could use a TV right now. My kids were so regulated and they spent so much time outside and they got along so much better together. And it really was an eye-opener for me in that season of how much we gained by not having technology. And I think I hear so often people talk so much about the benefits for our kids and like how we need to protect them. And it's like, yes, absolutely, 100%. And also, I'm like, I'm working with and I see women who are like very intelligent, healthy women. And it's like, there's still comparison for us as adults. There's still this dopamine. Like, I have ADHD, and I've been really, really noticing when I'm on social media ton, I already have an attention deficit. The last thing I need to be doing is giving my body and my brain less ability to focus, less ability to stay connected, less ability to like do the hard things to gain the dopamine instead of having that like quick, easy reward. And so I love that you're talking about this tech detox and how it can support us and like the hard, scary parts, but also like the good, amazing parts, because it's not, it's not just about what you're taking away. It's the space that you're creating by taking away something that like really truly at the end of the day, is that how we want to spend our time? Is that like what we always want to be connected to and always looking at that? That's what it always comes back for me, is not this like, oh, this is bad and I shouldn't do it. It's like this doesn't feel fulfilling, it doesn't satisfy me, it doesn't actually give me the things that I need. I I still love social media. There's great things on there. Like I love interacting with it, but it's intentional of how and when.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

Yeah. And I think it's important for the women listening. It's important to note that this isn't something that you have to do forever, and it's not something you have to do always. Like you don't have to start and do it for 30 days and then go for six months like I did. I that wasn't my plan. You can do it for however many days, 30 days, and then go back to it and then decide what fits your family, what fits your lifestyle lifestyle. I we have a trip coming up to Europe. We're gonna be gone three weeks and we're gonna be with our kids 24-7. Like, I already know they're gonna get an iPad to watch movies. I haven't decided yet if they're gonna get games, but I already know after we come back, we're gonna probably have to do a like a refresh detox. So I think it's important to note that this doesn't mean that you are giving up technology forever. And I think that's what scares people the most. I think you have to do what works for your family. Maybe you can't give it all up. Maybe you set limits on certain things like YouTube or certain games or whatever. Like, I think it's important to do what feels right. I will say that the research does suggest 30 days does rewire your brain as far as dopamine.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

Yeah. Well, and you mentioned the podcast you had on your podcast. I'll have to share that that link in the bio of that episode. I don't think I've listened to that one, so I'll have to go listen to it too. Are there any other resources or things that have helped you in this tech detox?

SPEAKER_01 43:32

Honestly, I kind of winged it and then I just follow, I follow a lot of like social media accounts, Tech MD on Instagram. And I can provide you all the links if you want to add them to your footnotes. I follow a lot of accounts where I get a lot of inspiration. And kind of like I said before, whatever your algorithm feeds you is what you're gonna consume. So if you're reminded of it, I think it's it's nice to be reminded. And then as far as resources, I personally have a guide. I don't have, I'm like I don't have any education personally in this, but I have a guide on what we did. I have a guide exactly that explains why a technique test is needed with the resources and like evidence that supports it, what symptoms your children or you might have if you do have an addiction or a dopamine overload. And that stuff you can Google. Like you can Google that stuff too. And then with my guide, I have a literal plan. Like you can choose from day seven, seven days, 14 days, 30 days. And you can either do it as a family by yourself or just for your kids. So you kind of choose your own path. The guide gives you a path, it gives you an evaluation, and it's very interactive guide. You fill things out, you figure out how you're gonna do it. And then I also have scripts on how to talk to your kids, how, and a lot of this stuff. I think what's important to note with guides, like a lot of this stuff you can Google, you can find therapists and psychologists and whatever who like preach all this stuff. I took all of that and put it all in one place. And I did that because I get asked about it all the time. So I do have a guide available and I promised Rebecca here that I would give you guys 15% off if you wanted it. It's like$19 at full price. So if you want to add that to your footnotes, but also one other thing important to note is that at the end of the guide, there is a within the guide, there is a section of how to reintroduce tech and how to do it like low stimulation and how to do it and when how and then like a triage tool. How can you decide? Like, do I need to do this again? Can I give more screen time? This and that. So it's very, it's a very nice tool that I have not seen anyone have out there, and I think it's really cool for moms.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

I I think it's super cool, and I think it's such a needed thing because I think technology has become such an integrated part of our lives, but I also think it's an it's a weird thing where people are still trying to figure out like how do I do boundaries? Like, no, like what do I actually do? How do I do this? And I think everyone is starting somewhere different, and a lot of people want to end somewhere different. And so I think things like guides and books and podcasts on this are so so helpful because we're actually talking about something that for a while I think people just kind of talked in, like, oh, social media is bad. And it's like, okay, but like what do we do with that information? And like, how do we like okay, do we just never use it? But okay, I love using it. And so it's helpful to have like that support and even just hearing the stories and the the how-to's of like even if they don't do it exactly how you did, giving support and doing that is always really helpful. And I think feeling not alone in it because I think there are there are there's still, I would say, probably in the majority of people who really aren't worried about tech, or if they are, they're not doing anything about it. Yeah, whether that's for themselves personally or for their kids. There's just a lot of people who have just decided like it's just free reign out here. And I think it's hard for moms who don't want that to feel like, okay, where do I find community connection? Where do I find resources where like I don't feel so alone in figuring out this like struggle with technology with my kids?

SPEAKER_01 47:33

Yeah, and I don't know if you saw this study recently released, I think in the last month, that Gen Z is the first generation of all time that has not outperformed their parents because of the lack of brain stimulation. They're they're connecting it to technology, they're having to work less. They're they're kind of handed things through like AI and technology, and it's the first generation that has not outperformed the previous one. And they're saying the millennial generation is the late last generation to have outsmarted their parents. Wow. That's wild. Yeah, that's scary. It is, and I think that our generation, I truly believe it that we our kids will make a difference. I think that if we continue to have these conversations and if we continue to educate ourselves and admit that change is okay, change we can change our mind. I tell my kids all the time, mommy is allowed to change her mind every day. If I find something out that I think will be better for you in our family, I'm allowed to change my mind. And I tell my kids that all the time.

SPEAKER_00 48:48

Which is such a beautiful lesson for them as kids and then also adults. I think that is that is one of the main things that I think so many mothers are wanting that their parents maybe didn't have is this continual learning and growing and maturing. And it's like updating your behaviors based off of what you know and the input and the feedback of like we okay, yeah, we were doing this, but like guess what? This isn't working for us. This isn't working for you. And I don't care if so-and-so thinks and feels it's good. If it's not working for you, it's not working for you.

SPEAKER_01 49:23

Oh, yeah. The kids, they're gonna come to you and say, Well, how come so-and-so gets to have this and that, and that and I always say that that's their family rules and values. Our family rules and values are different, and it is okay to be sad about that.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

Yeah. Yeah. And they will be sad and mad sometimes, and also like that is, and it's funny because I am not a parent who just does things to punish my kids. And also, I think it's healthy as parents to say, like, it is our job to protect and teach our children and show them like this is this is genuinely harmful for you, not just hard, this is harmful for you, and that's different. I'll let you do hard things, I'll let you learn hard lessons. This is not a lesson I'm willing to let you learn yet.

SPEAKER_01 50:07

Yeah, it's funny you say that because I my son said I said that to my son the other day. It's it's my job to keep you safe and protect you. And sometimes you're not gonna like the decisions I make. He goes, I think I'm gonna be the same way when I'm a dad. I'm gonna be like you. Yeah, I know you hate me right now, but you're not gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 50:25

Yeah, we're and we're in the parenting a teenager phase, so like we're even getting more of like, I I understand that to you this does not seem like safety and it doesn't make sense. And like there's some things that I'm willing to give on, and then there are some hills that like I am prepared to die on this hill as your mother. So yeah, which is great because I also have a spicy one who's like, Great, perfect. I'll also die on this hill, and we can just camp out here together. I'm like, great, yeah, we'll just inner people pleaser in me is like dying of just like just give her what she wants, and it's like, no. Anyways, this has been such a great conversation. I've absolutely loved having you on the podcast. We'll definitely link below your guide and also like where they can find you on Instagram. Also, I love you on Pinterest for your outfits, which it's so funny to me. It's like funny that like when I saw that you had this whole other world, it was like, oh, like of course, but it's so funny that that's very common, like that that's how and where people found you.

Closing And Listener Invitation

SPEAKER_01 51:29

Yeah, no, thank you so much, Rebecca, for having me. I love what you're doing for women and moms. I I love your energy. Um, and I appreciate that you invited me into your world. So thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

Yes, I've I've I've missed your podcast. I think it was great. And I also love that you honored your boundaries and honored what you needed in this new season and just how you show up in the world. So thank you so much, and thanks for being here. Thank you. Thanks for joining me on today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor Podcast. Make sure you have subscribed below so that you see all of the upcoming podcasts that are coming soon. I hope you take today's episode and you take one aha moment, one small tangible piece of work that you can bring into your life to get your hands a little dirty, to get your skin in the game. Don't forget to take up audacious space in your life. If this podcast moved you, if it inspired you, if it encouraged you, please do me a favor and leave a review, send an episode to a friend. This helps the show gain more traction. It helps us to support more moms, more women. And that's what we're doing here. So I hope you have an awesome day. Take really good care of yourself, and I'll see you next time.