[Solo Episode] Claiming Your Power, Owning Your Story & Taking Up Space ❤️‍🔥

This one is raw.

I’m opening up about parts of my story I’ve kept quiet for a long time - growing up in environments where my voice felt small, navigating relationships that left me questioning my worth, and the slow, uncomfortable journey of learning how to take my power back.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness. It’s about growth. And it’s about finally choosing to take up space in a world that often teaches women to shrink.

If you’ve ever felt silenced, overlooked, or like you had to dim parts of yourself to be accepted… this episode is for you.

Because your voice matters. Your story matters. And you don’t need permission to own either.

Have a listen here, or watch the full video on YouTube here.

Thanks for tuning in today to The Can I Get a Refill? Podcast, and be sure to jump on my website (below) to download a free 33 page eBook on 7 Steps to Protect Your Energy & Fill Up Your Cup. 

You cannot pour from an empty cup, so I’ve designed a guide to help you take care of yourself, in order to uplevel your life. Download it today and make yourself a priority in 2026!

I hope you really love this episode! Thanks so much for pressing play and spending your incredibly valuable time with us.

Be sure to reach out to us on socials (outlined below), and as always, if you enjoyed this or previous episodes, please kindly subscribe, rate and review, to help us to continue to have our voices heard. 

Enjoy xx 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which this episode is being recorded and pay my respects to elders past, present, and emerging. I extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Jumping in here to talk directly to my Sydney friends about one of my absolute favourite cafes, Pilgrims Crenolla. Now located in their gorgeous new location opposite South Crenolla Park, with expanded indoor and outdoor seating, including pet-friendly tables out front, and delicious food, juice, and coffee. The menu is full of wholesome, vegger-friendly eats that feel both nostalgic and nourishing. Expect brecki wraps, vibrant salads, smoothies, fresh juices, and some of the best plant-based sandwiches going. I strongly recommend the corn fritters and the chai shake, which is definitely big enough for two. Check them out on Insta and be sure to visit when you're next in Crenella. A podcast for ambitious women who are tired of pouring from an empty cup but still want to grow, evolve, and build a life they're proud of. Through a mix of comforting solo episodes and inspiring conversations with industry professionals, authors, wellness experts, and entrepreneurs, we talk about what it really looks like to refill your cup while up-leveling your life. Topics include mental, emotional, and physical wellness, hormonal health, manifestation, career and finance, boundaries, self-trust, and redefining success on your own terms. Hosted by me, Steph Bruno Newton, each weekly episode is designed to motivate, ground, and empower you to take care of your needs and go after the life you actually want. Pour yourself a cup, take a breath, and let's refill it together. Hello, my cup fillers, and welcome back to the Can I get a refill podcast. If you are new here, I'm Steph. I am your host, and this podcast is a very safe place where we come together to fill up our cups and find our voice. Today's a very different episode. If you've watched any of my recent solo episodes, they've been very structured, which I love. I love to talk about manifestation and mindset, abundance, all of that. But I'm feeling called to have a few very what I would call dear diary moments in this podcast. I'm just, I've gone through a lot. I'm sure you all have. It's been very interesting, I'd say just very interesting energy and astrology at the moment. And I often referenced that last year was the shedding of the snakeskin, and this year is about real growth. But the first few months, oh man, they've there have been a lot. So I want to just let my guard down. J not just for you to get to know me better, but just because I feel like I need to, I need to be the real me. I need to let go any shackles and just really come on here very authentically and make this my safe space too. You know, I always start every episode by recommending you jump on the website www.canagetarefill podcast.com.au, linked below, to download an ebook that I created. Now it's a 33-page ebook. It's absolutely free. It's designed to help you protect your energy and fill up your cup. Now, everything that I talk about, relationships, manifestation, abundance, everything comes back to the relationship with the self. That is the that is the foundation for everything. And if you build anything on a weak foundation, it collapses. So if you haven't already, please jump on there. I really want you to do this for yourself. I really want you to make yourself a priority. But also, yes, I want you to sign up to the website because as of this weekend, I believe, I'm starting monthly newsletters, which are gonna be really fun. If you've ever followed my blog, thebarefootblogger.com, it's very, I feel like I'm I'm a little more polished on the podcast and the real me really comes through in the blog. And I find as many lovely compliments as I get about this podcast, I feel that people still connect with me more on the blog because it's really just I'm very, very raw on there. So I want the newsletter to be the same, but quirky and fun, recommendations, links to podcasts, but it's it's gonna be great. Sign up to that, but also a very special project coming up soon, which we'll talk a bit about later. Now, normally I have notes on the computer today. I have handwritten notes that maybe been scribbling in bed because all these thoughts have kept coming up. So I really want to talk through some things with you today. So what I want to talk about, it's applicable to anybody, but especially women. It is about claiming your power, owning your story, and taking up space. That's something that not a lot of us have done in society. It's never, I think, that in a patriarchal society we've been designed to shrink, to really shrink ourselves. So I'm I'm gonna get into that. But first, what I want to talk about is some personal things that I've been going through. So, firstly, this morning I had another negative pregnancy test that is six months straight now. So I'm okay. I'm okay because I know that in my whole life, anything that I've truly desired or that is meant for me always comes to me, but it has never ever come to me on my timeline. It's always been delayed or in the universe's timeline. So I'm okay. There's obviously some other things that I need to do to get ready, or that my next child, who I know is coming to me, maybe she or he has something else that they need to do before they, or they're waiting for me to do before they enter this life. So a little disheartening, but I'm okay. And my futility is good, which is great. And I'm 42, I will be 43 in June, but still regular periods. I'm ovulating, everything's good there. It's stress-related hormone issues. Now, I had a wonderful session. I I always say when I interview people, you'll hear me say this a lot, that I'm interviewing them for you, but oh man, have I up-leveled my life by the guests I've interviewed. Uh, you know, I've interviewed Daniel Tolson on that energy frequency. I've been working with him for the last six months. I had a Zoom meeting yesterday, my stats are going great. Um, and Dr. Harmony Robinson Stag, I had talking about traditional traditional Chinese medicine and I Ayvada. And she's helped me and I sent her through my bloods. And as suspected, there are some hormone issues. It's very, very complex, but it's very um, and you know what I did? You know, at first I was against AI, but I've been into AI lately. To chat GPT is my new best friend. But I uploaded all my results there and he he, why do I do that? And ChatGPT also confirmed the same thing that Harmony said. So it's it's hormone issues, it's like there is no free testosterone and estrogen, it's all attached to some weird thing called a globulin or something. Anyway, it's all stress related. However, it's very different. So with Leo, my son, who's 21 months, I fell pregnant with him on my first proper attempt. So, and I was 40 when I conceived, 41 when I had it. Now, I had had a miscarriage in the September, but I wasn't actively trying. And it was just like a couple of days. The pregnancy test was positive, then it was negative, and the doctor said, Yeah, that would be a miscarriage, which is very common. It was very early. And then apparently you're more. I was talking about this with a friend on the playground yesterday. Same exact thing happened to her with this current pregnancy. Apparently, you've very fertile for the three months after a miscarriage. So I had Leo conceive Leo the very next month. So technically he is my rainbow baby. And I'm a good manifestor. And I just presumed when I just when I decide things are gonna happen, they generally happen. You know, things conspire for them to work out the way I want. So I just presumed it was gonna be this easy this time around. Now, trying to conceive a child when you're a mother of a toddler is very, very different to when you're a very relaxed woman in a quiet apartment and it's just you and your husband. Not just because they never let you have sex, you have to wait for them to fall asleep. Um, and I prefer afternoons. But anyway, but also because my body is absolutely, has truly been in fight or flight for the last two years. And I was discussing this with a mum friend on the playground yesterday. Please don't think we're complaining. We are so joyous. This, without a doubt, is the most magical time of my life, and I feel more abundant than ever. But it is a lot. This is a child who daycare said to me last week, it was so validating. Gee, he really likes to climb a lot, doesn't he? I said, Yeah, have you seen bruises all over his shins? This child, you turn your back for one second to go to the toilet, he's climbing on everything. The scissors have now gone away because he's into grabbing those. But he is a lot. He's a runner, a bolter. You know, I have a neuromuscular disorder. I can't run that fast. So it's it's a lot. And until about what, four or five weeks ago, I was parenting him 24-7. And if I wasn't, I was recording a podcast or out doing sales on my husband's business. So there has never been a minute where I exhale and do things for myself. Most of my workouts are in the house with this child jumping all over me. And yeah, it's fun and he's cute, but there's no, there's no rest. There's no rest and digest. I'm in a fight and flight the whole time. So my hormones have been affected. And there's been some other relationship issues. Not with my husband, just anyway, I won't get into that. So I have felt very how can I say this? All throughout the day, I'm always doing this. Like I'm white knuckling it, can barely breathe. I haven't been doing that the last few weeks. And it's not just because Leo's in daycare. I said that to my husband. He's like, you don't do that anymore. I am feeling so healthy and happy. Oh, I feel I'm gonna cry and successful. Like I haven't felt in years. I have been doing long runs outdoor, up to my exercise. I feel I wake up and I jump out of bed, which I haven't done in so long. I'm so motivated. And there are a few reasons to that. Number one, Leo in daycare has given me two days a week to be stiff. Just be stiff. Which is very important for mums. So important. That is filling up my cup. Two, I have really, really hunted solutions for my anxiety. And when I say mental health issue, it's there's a stigma on that that people think, oh, she's crazy. Whatever. It's circumstantial. I'm like that because of my upbringing, things that have happened in my adult life, and because of Leo. So I have hunted solutions through therapy, supplementation, and even medication. And today I am the strongest and healthiest I've been in my entire adult life. And the third reason is that again, the same relationships that are causing me disharmony, dis-ease in my life, I've had to be very vocal about without their support. And I have had to take a step back from people who are absolutely shaming me, making me feel terrible, and draining my energy. You cannot you cannot be healthy or successful when there are people like that in your life. No matter how much you love them. I love me more than anyone else in my life. My number one job is taking care of me. And I have to make those hard calls sometimes. And I'm very proud of myself, and I am proud of my strength and my honesty. And what I realize about myself is that I I have been very shackled in the past, very silenced. And I'm not gonna not gonna do that anymore. I'm gonna own my story. My life is my story. I do not share personal stories of other people's lives. But if they're affecting my life, I don't need their permission to share my story. And the people in your life who tell you never discuss what goes on in this relationship or this household are the people who know they're mistreating you. They know that there's some sort of emotional abuse or physical abuse, or they wouldn't tell you not to share what's happening. They wouldn't be afraid. If you treated someone with the utmost respect, you wouldn't care. You'd be delighted for that relationship to be shared. And today, I I am claiming back my power and my voice, and I won't be silenced anymore. I've shared in the past that I was in a domestic violent relationship. This was from uh when was it? Like December 05 to November 2010. So a long time ago now. Over 15 years ago, I was in my 20s, I was very young. Um, I'm not gonna say stupid or foolish, I didn't know myself, I didn't have self-esteem. And those people don't make good choices. And whilst the abuse that came to me is 100% the fault of the abuser, me allowing it is because you know, there's something about younger women, not all of them, but we go along. We go along with things. And in your 30s and 40s, your 30s you start to question it, and in your 40s you say, oh no. Now there's something about that frog in the boiling water analogy, which is absolutely spot on. So, so a lot of people have said to me even recently that that I've changed. What's great, why would I want to be the same at 42 as I was in my 20s? What's changed about me is that I've I've wised up. And also when you it's like that frog in the boiling water thing. So if you're in the situation like the frog in the the pot with room temperature water that gradually heats up over time, you don't realize it and you don't jump out, you stay. Now, this is why you look at a lot of young abuse victims, children, young women. The question that these dickheads will ask, whether in court or in a public forum, is why didn't you scream? I think they even asked that of Taylor Swift when that guy grabbed her ass. Because we are conditioned to make people comfortable. And a lot of the time, abuse, physical abuse follows a lot of mental abuse where they're grooming you. So I was groomed in that domestic violent relationship, like a Stockholm syndrome situation where, you know, you know, they apologize, they promise the world it's never going to happen again, and you're almost protective of them. Now, young children are, they don't know themselves. They haven't developed that emotional maturity to know this isn't right, even though their gut, their gut is screaming, this doesn't feel right. But a 40-year-old woman would say, Hey, this is not right. So now that I've been away from any situations that are bad for me, when I'm in the presence of those people, I can barely breathe. And the reason is because I've been living in a home or relationships that are healthy, that are respecting me, that are calm, that are that are kind and compassionate. So when I'm around people who aren't, I jump out of the boiling water because I feel scolded. So the people who are doling out that treatment to me are like, you've changed. What's wrong? There's nothing we're doing wrong. And it doesn't seem wrong to them because they're doing the same thing they've always done. But to me, who's had a breather from it, no. No. The most important word I have learned is no. When I'm uncomfortable, I walk away now. Have you read Untamed by Glenn and Doyle? Every woman on the planet should read Untamed and read my Angelou's poem woman. Right, phenomenal woman. In Untamed, where is it? Here on my bookshelf. She talks about, I think she went to like a a bickroom yoga class or something. There is nothing. I'm a real sweater. I absolutely could not handle being in a class, an exercise class or whatever, where you're sweating. So I remember her saying she was in, I haven't read it for years. She was in this class and she's like, I'm a grown-ass woman. I don't enjoy this. I'm gonna get up and walk out. And there's something so powerful about that that you realize you don't have to put up with anything that you don't enjoy. You can walk away at any stage. I had a male friend here for dinner. This is a few years ago, I've referenced it before. And he he's friends with both my husband and I, but the entire evening, he literally ignored me and directed his conversation to Alan the whole time. I sat down, I said, and I'm three times appointed out. And I could see Alan feeling bad for me or uncomfortable and trying to loot me in. And I was like, Do you guys see me? And so I said, Listen, no one's directing the conversation to me. It's rude, it's misogynistic, I'm uncomfortable, I'm gonna go for a walk. And sure enough, when I came back, he'd left, he sent a message apologizing, like the guy, happy for him, go live your life, whatever. But no, that wasn't fun. That's not fun for me. When I have catch-ups where everyone's being nice to my husband or my son and bitchy and and manipulative and passive aggressive insults to me. No, I'm not enjoying this. So I either go have a breather or I leave. And you can label me a diva, but whatever. I think it's smart. I think it's self-preservation. I think I might have also referenced Alan's friends. Um they're beautiful people, but they're probably very more traditional values and families, as opposed to my new town friends who were very, you know, like we grew up. I have the loveliest group of boys from our school, and and we're all friends 30 years later. And we used to have sleepovers where it'd just be all the guys and the girls sleeping on the floor. And my parents who were quite strict, my mom knew and she was fine with that because she they'd met my friends and they knew how lovely they were. And there's a real camaraderie between the boys and girls. So when we all get together, we're all together. There's no, you know, when you see in restaurants like it's all the men on one side and all the women on one side, I fucking hate that. I find that so old fashioned. Or the conversations will just be between the women and just be between the men. And when I hang out, and I love, love my boyfriends. Boyfriend. So I have been in my house in few years. My husband's friends. I've at first I found it hard to get into the group because they were there were a real click at first. But I adore them. They are beautiful people, but there is such a um, I think some of them might listen, but there is such a separation between the genders in the group. And this New Year's Eve, I went to Alan's got this beautiful friend, he's very wealthy and had a has a big beautiful home, and he's currently overseas. I think he's in Japan. He was in China. And we went back there after dinner, and it's again, the guys went onto a balcony. I've never been in the house, I didn't even know where the balcony was, so I didn't know where my husband was, if you know, I needed him for anything with Leo. And then the girls stay in and the guys talk business and the guys smoke cigars, and you know, like before I became a mum, that's the stuff I preferred. I loved talking about business and finance and drinking scotch and smoking cigars. I don't drink or smoke anymore, but I always feel so confused. Like, why do you need a penis to be included in that? Why aren't the women talking about their careers and the and the money and that? Like some women do, but you know, and the women are inside, you know, and they're and we're we're talking about the men. And I'm like, and I love these women too. That's nothing against them, but the situation, I was like, I'm going. This is boring. And I'm so honest. And again, they probably think I'm a bitch or a diva, but I I love them all. And I'm pretty sure they love me back. But I'm like, no. And you know, other women might just stay there, and oh, you know, I've got to be the designated driver. And I'm like, you get an Uber home. I'm going. I want to get my son home. This is boring to me. I'm you know, like no one even came to check. Anyway, so my point is push back, speak up. If there's any situation, work, family, romantic partnership, friendships, just say no, this isn't this isn't working for me. Now, to the biggest issue I've had in my adult life. Every family has a black sheep. I have been the black sheep. Of my family. And I remember saying to one of my besties, Liz, years ago, I think we were teenagers, saying, I am the outcast of my family. She goes, You're not an outcast. They were always welcoming you in with open arms, but you are the black sheep. And, you know, going to school in Newtown, being opened, my mind opened to a different world as opposed to the Catholic school my brother went to after our, you know, Catholic primary school. I think I was, my eyes were opened to a different world. And I think it's never been said, but I'll bet in some respect, my parents probably blame that I grew apart from them, maybe because of my school or my friends. But there's always been a part of me that was in on what I would call a quest to find myself. And there was, I had this hunger for the world and for knowing myself and having experiences. And so perhaps, you know, those more creative souls are the black sheep, but certainly the truth tellers are. And I often reference my favorite comedian as Dave Chappelle, and he's controversial because he's telling the truth. Now, I do feel, not do feel, I have been silenced for so long because you never discuss what goes on out of the house. But I'm not discussing anyone's private stories. I'm talking about my life and my story. And if someone's going to treat me in a certain way, they've then lost the right for me to not speak about that because that's affecting me. And this is my life. And I'm a good person. And for so long I've been convinced that I'm not, that I am. And it took me a long time. And I really like myself. And I care about myself. And I do wonderful things in the world. And I have friends whose faces light up when I walk in a room. I have neighbors who love me. They love me. We spend time together. Well, I I live in this building where if it rains, people take each other's clothes off the line. I will never. It's probably why I haven't moved. I will never find neighbors like this building. They've babysat Leo. Like I trust these people with my son's life. This is a this is a safe space. And I unfortunately grew up with people who never understood me. And I know a lot of women have, and I know that the adult daughter-mother relationship is the most complicated relationship. And I want to be clear that I adore my family. I love them. And they are good people. And I want good things for them. They just don't realize how their words and actions have negatively impacted me. They just can't see it. They can't see it. So there's no hate at them. There's uh frustration. There is resentment. But there's no hate. It's um that's their journey. That's not my job. That's not my job. I've been put put in a box and I didn't fit the vision that they had for me. And growing up as a child, I felt very loved. Very loved. And it was such a fun home to be in. But in adulthood, I feel damaged. And it has affected my my confidence, my nervous system greatly. And I need to be vocal about it today. To set myself free. I don't want to protect people anymore. Not to harm them. But to set me free. And this will go down like a lead balloon, without a doubt. Because you're never to speak ill of, you know, anyone older than you. But respect goes two ways. If I'm the youngest of the family and we only respect elders, I will never get respect. And that's not how respect works for me. As you know, I've been was in that domestic violent relationship and it was never spoken about, and they know, but we've never really had a proper chat about it. But I know, I know that they wouldn't want me to share that story. And many, many years ago, when was it? It was like lockdown, probably 2020. I went the first time I was a guest on another podcast. And the topic was domestic violence, and I lost sleep, thinking, oh no, if you know, my mom hears that, she'll be so mortified that I shared that. And next week I'm interviewing a very, very exciting finance expert. And I'm just finished reading, just about to finish reading her second book. And she talks about how she was sexually assaulted years ago, and she told a friend. And the friend said all the right words. And then at the end said, Well, best not to tell anybody. You don't want to be the poster girl for rape. And I know that's how it's been for me that people would prefer I didn't say anything. And I think it's because they grew up, and again, my family are beautiful people, but I know they grew up in homes where you have to paint a very good picture of yourself. What will the neighbors think? That whole generation is what will the neighbors think. Um, I don't give a fuck what the neighbors think. What I give a fuck about is how I feel. And when you are a victim of any abuse, emotional, sexual, physical, you don't have to remain silent at all because you did nothing wrong. So now I'm really vocal about it. And I'm not saying that they've ever told me not to speak about it, but I know, I know that they would prefer I didn't. There is freedom in owning your story. And that's why people who are former victims of abuse, like Grace Tame, they find that power in speaking about it and writing a book. It's your story. And when you own it, you take the power back from the people who took the power from you. Another thing that I talk about a lot is forgiveness, because if you don't forgive people who've, in your perception, treated you wrong, it's like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. So you need to forgive for your healing so you can let go of the grief and the power it has over you. But I always say it is so easy to do with someone who's taken ownership of their actions, who's apologized. It is so fucking hard to do it for people who either deny any wrongdoing or are continuing that treatment. How do you forgive when it's still happening? So this is what I say all the time. That ex who was violent of me is a dark individual. He's troubled. But like every human on the earth, there is some good. And we all have the, you know, the Mother Teresa and the Hitleriness. I know that he was doing the best with the tools in whose toolkit. Zero, zero apology for anything that he's done. He wholeheartedly did wrong and he should be punished for that. Or at least take ownership of that. But when I left him, I left him a letter. I took all my furniture, and then I said, I'll meet you in a public place for lunch. And he said, Of course you left me. I'm a monster. To this day, I hold zero resentment. Yes, what happened negatively impacted me, impacted me. But yes, it's part of my journey who's made me a stronger person in the long run. But he took full ownership. He took full ownership of what he did. I was able to forgive. I never forgave him to his face, but I was able to let go of that story, of that part of me, grieve, heal, and move forward. For the people in my life who were still treating me like shit, or the ex that I had after him, that I still, there's still resentment. I've never seen him, thank God. But I always suspected he was being unfaithful and I had proof at the end. But he made he gaslit me so hard because he made me feel like it was all in my head. So when I found proof, I was, I was always hunting proof. I was the psycho that would go through his computer. That's what happens when your gut is telling you something, but their words are telling you something else. I don't condone looking through people's things, but I hate him. I was angry with myself because I thought I should have learned the lessons from the one before. And I was so angry. And he took no ownership. He made out like it was all in my head. I I can't say that I have any forgiveness, but I'm sort of blasé now, like a loss. And that's his journey, whatever. He's, you know, he's troubled. But jumping in with another message for my Sydney friends. If you're a pizza lover, you absolutely need to head out to Crenella and visit my friends at Queen Margarita of Savoy for traditional Neapolitan pizza and other Italian classic dishes. With my Sicilian background, you know that I've traveled to Italy many times over the years. I've eaten pizza all over Italy, including in Naples, and I swear to everyone I meet that Queen Margarita is still my absolute fave. I like simple classic flavours, so I highly recommend the traditional margarita and the three cheese pizza. Abby loves the prosciutto and the pork and fennel. I also have a soft spot for the Travel Orangini. Check them out at Surf Road Cranella and the link in my show notes. You definitely will not be disappointed. For people in my family, again, whom I love dearly, but for all this shit that continues to happen, and when I say your words are harming me, and the response is that didn't happen, that's all in your head. You know, uh that's silly, that's silly. Stop talking about it, stop talking about it. It's um it's so damaging. I can't express to you how much damage it has done for years. And they can continue to sweep things under the rug and say, you know, there are I'm not to use any buzzwords like gaslighting, but the definition of gaslighting is when something's happening to someone, they say it's happening, and you make them out like it's all in their head or they're crazy. That is gaslighting. A lot of people throw around the word gaslighting it in inappropriate ways, but that is gaslighting. And I have had immense trouble forgiving and moving past. Because A, zero ownership has ever been taken. I have had so many writing down lists of when this has happened, this is how it makes me feel. Please can you stop doing this? Nothing. Zero ownership. And then two, or B, um it continues to happen. Now, let me explain something to you, ladies, in your romantic partnerships, in work, in friendships, in family. If they're not taking any ownership of of what they've done, it will continue to happen. If they think they haven't done wrong, it will continue to happen. So if you can't live with that treatment of you, get the fuck out of there. Get out of there. Save yourself. You're too valuable. Life is too short to allow others to squash you, to diminish you, to diminish your story and your experiences. My voice matters, my feelings matter, and my my story matters. So I often think about eat prey love and the second part where she's in India and she's saying she'd left that husband and he was really angry with her and he hated her. And she wanted to have like forgiveness and closure, but she couldn't, he didn't want to talk to her. So the older guy was like, have the conversation in your head. Oh, it was so beautiful. And so she pictured them dancing and talking. And if you can't get that closure or that forgiveness or that apology from someone, maybe just visualize it to set you free. Because you can't live with that resentment. It will turn into illness in your body. It is disease. And I truly believe it will turn into disease. Nobody is worth me getting sick for. Nobody. And nobody is worth me not conceiving at nearly 43 after six months. My future family depends on me feeling calm and happy and taken care of and safe. Safe. How often do I talk about nervous system regulation? That's when you feel safe in your body. And I haven't my whole life until now. Right now, when I I'm honest and I'm owning my story and I'm standing up and taking care of myself. I trust myself. I have a good relationship with myself. It took me a long time to get here. When I harp on about signing up to that ebook, it's not just so I can get you signed up to my newsletter. It's because I know this is the shit that matters. And I don't want to see any woman go through any of the shit that I've gone through. I want you to absolutely put yourself first and take care of yourself. So most of my issues with me and my family is when I say when people are mistreating me and they're telling me it didn't happen. Now, to talk about even the extended family, I've never really, I've never really fit in with the Aussie family. It's a shame I don't see more of the Italian family, but my nan really saw me and understood me. And I have an auntie by marriage who is more like me, you know, a little bit more of a risk take, a little bit more wild that people will label as wild. But, you know, you can't, you can't pick your family. And I always say, as much as I adore my family, I would never, if we were on the school playground, I would never have picked them as friends. We've we're chalk and cheese. We have very little in common. But it's fine if you're respecting that the other person's different, but no one ever has. They've tried to make me what they think I should be. I think I'm great. I think I'm great just as I am. But oh man, I know other people have these issues with cousins. I've had chats with girls I used to work with, and I have had two older female cousins who have absolutely picked on me my entire adult life. Loved them in childhood. Mind you, their nickname for me when I was seven years old was Little Bitch. I really fail to see how a seven-year-old could be a bitch, but that's pretty harmful in itself. And every year there's some other drama, you know, like I can't attend something and it's oh fine. You know, should I just cancel the whole thing? I've had an episode about this where I reference a story. It's a relationship where you're walking on eggshells. If someone can't attend something of mine, I'm like, no worries, I'll catch you at the next one. There's so much pressure that you're nervous replying. So I got out of there. It's not for me. And let me be clear, I'm not um someone does one thing wrong or one thing that you disagree with, block them on everything. I'm talking over and over and over again, year after year, I was mistreated. So if I'm like, hey, when you do this, it makes me feel like this, and it keeps repeating, then I'm out of there. I'm not saying the very first time I'm done. It is just always something to give you one trivial story. This is how fucked up the relationship was. Years ago, and I was in my 20s, one of the cousins got married, and I was a bridesmaid in a strapless dress. And I was a lot smaller back then. I didn't have curves, I was very athletic, and the dress kept falling off. And so my mum and I said, Oh hey, like it's too big. Can I could can we have it taken in? I was told, This is not your wedding, Stephanie. This is not about you. So I wasn't allowed to have that dress taken up. And then the whole video, all you see is me in the background lifting up my dress. And they had the audacity to say, oh, all she did all night was pick at her dress. Could you thrive in that environment? Could you thrive in a situation like that? And no one ever, no one ever stood up for me. No one ever spoke out in my support. So when I decided to walk away a few years ago, oh, I know what it was. I'd called them out on bad behavior. They lost it, whatever. I left a group chat, but still remained friends online. And then I announced my pregnancy. No congratulations. Listen, my brother gets congratulated for putting a paper cup in the rubbish bin. So let's be clear that the treatment of me has always been very different. So I blocked, deleted, no interest. I was accused the other week of fracturing the family. Now, my main argument has been that no one ever no one ever calls out the bad treatment of me. They only call out my reaction to it. They want me to be silent, they want me to shut up and put up with it because they want a big happy family and get togethers. That's not happy for me. I don't want to be in that circle. I don't want to be in those rooms. I don't want to be in a room where I'm tolerated. I want to be in a room where I'm celebrated. I have not been celebrated. I have been criticized. I have been judged. I've been put in a box and I'm suffocated. And I want out. Many years ago, I used to dance and I loved dancing, but as you know, I have a neuromuscular disorder. So it was, it was harder. It came harder to me than this does or even singing. But I loved it and I was good. And in classes, particularly, I was good. But in some, in many times in Estadfords, the nerves took over. And I wasn't as good as I could be. And I remember at an Estedford, my mom was sitting in the crowd with um, there was another girl who won a lot, first place trophies. And her big sister was sitting in the crowd next to my mum, and she said, you know, Steph is so talented, but there's it looks always looks like there's something just holding it back. I was like eight, nine, or ten. And I remember it then and I remember it now. Why? Because it triggered me. And what triggers you? Things that are truthful. Things that you at some stage have thought about yourself. And when I watch back videos of myself, I was holding back. There was something. And the neuromuscular disorder, without a doubt, has been a big factor in that. I have been different. I have had to struggle in every single situation in my life because of my muscle condition. But there was something else. I was afraid. I was afraid to always be me. I've always been nervous. I've always been nervous to answer my phone, that I'm gonna get in trouble, that I've done something wrong, that I'm not enough. And it did hold me back. I don't feel that way about myself anymore. It's very freeing. I feel very free. I feel like I can exhale. I'm not a bad person, but I'm not trying to make people feel bad. I'm just trying to set myself free and I think it's commendable. And I think I hope all women do that. And the thing is, people that make you feel this way are not free. They don't like themselves. They have their own issues they've never sorted out. They're trying to keep you down because it makes them feel better about themselves. We're not gonna dim our lights anymore. I heard someone say, and I think it was a manifestation podcast, that's pretty much all I listened to, about people closest to you who will cling to the old version of you. And I found this really interesting because I've even had friends who are beautiful people who I loved, but they were very close to me when I was in the violent relationship. Pulled back when I started rising. And I think that I felt, I think it's it's a few things. I think when I was more confident and brave, it felt less familiar to them. So they felt like they had less in common with me. But also, I think a lot of people closest to you, subconsciously, none of this is conscious. Believe me, the people around you do love you. They're just doing the best with the tools and they took it. And I think that there's someone else in my life who recently said, I had a money issue and it's now been sorted, but I was panicked and distressed. And I never open up to this person. And they said, Oh, well, maybe, you know, maybe this has made us a bit closer. And I know they meant it from the most beautiful place. Oh man, it pissed me off because I thought, well, why would we get closer just because I'm down or I'm struggling? Why can't you be close to me when I'm on top and feeling good and succeeding? So I know they meant that I let my guard down and was, you know, talking with them, but yeah, it really bugged me. I just think, and I can't remember what podcast it was on, but they said the the people closer to you will cling to an old version of you. And I I have found that to be true. So when you're moving on up, sometimes you find that you outgrow circles and then you might make new friends that are more applicable to where you are in that stage of life. So again, it's not a bad thing, but um but be aware of it. Because I saw this Instagram post where this girl's like, whenever I feel like I'm getting old, I just go to my parents' house where I feel like a seven-year-old in trouble again. Like everyone I know, or no matter how old and successful they get, they act like a very different version of themselves around their parents. Like they're they they slide straight back into being a primary school student. There's something about that. Like what's familiar to you, to that relationship, is when you were a child. So you slip straight back into it because it's what's familiar. Be aware of it. Make sure you're not holding yourself back to make someone else feel comfortable or needed. Now, in terms of taking up space, it is my personal belief that in a patriarchal society, women were encouraged to shrink. Size, women should be smaller, men should be bigger. Imagine if it was the other way around and we commended and and put on the cover of magazines very large, hugely muscular women. I just feel like whatever men do, it's powerful and assertive. Whatever women do, are they trying to be masculine or they're being bossy? There have been these studies in workplaces where women I think I was listening to the Emma Greed podcast where women in the workplace, I think it was 70% critiqued on their personality, not their performance. So and it was almost like you couldn't win. Women were told they were either too quiet in meetings or too loud and bossy. So you're fucked either way. So just for you. And I know a lot of women who will physically shrink in social situations. Now, are you gonna close your eyes and picture walking down a busy footpath and three or four people are coming at you? Which by the way, in New York City, it's actually illegal to walk four people in a row on the footpath. I thought that was fascinating. Do you charge straight through, stand there and stand your ground? Because they're not budging. Or do you jump out the way to allow these four people to continue walking through? Now I know a lot of women who will not only shrink down and jump out the way, but will say sorry. If someone bumps them, they'll go, sorry. I noticed this about myself years ago and bite my tongue every single time the word sorry jumps to my mouth. I didn't do anything wrong. And I'm not being rude. I will give a polite smile and nod and be like, oh no worries, but I'm not gonna say sorry for something I didn't do. But that's how we've been conditioned. So I started this. I am I have this line with my husband where I go, fall in. If we're walking down the footpath side by side, I get him to fall in behind me because there's people coming towards us. Because I think it's just fucking rude. Those and the people are looking down at their phone. Don't even start me. But I have started this thing. If people are charging at me and they're not budging, I don't jump out the way. I take up space. Now I'm not trying to be a smart ass. It's not even about them. It's not like I'm trying to correct their behavior so that I don't do it in the future. I may never walk past them ever again. It's about me allowing myself permission to take up space. So carry that through in every area of your life. Take up space. You know, like I've always been the person that's worried of holding people up, or I get nervous if my husband's rushing out the door, even though I've done 100 things before he's even woken up. And now, no. I take my time, I don't rush, and I don't jump out the way like I'm inconveniencing people. I have been trained to believe that my presence was inconvenient to people. I am not inconveniencing people by taking up space or oxygen. So I encourage you to just monitor yourself. If you're saying sorry when you've done nothing wrong, and if you're jumping out the way to make space for someone else, catch yourself and take up space. I read something else online about Manty Moore, the singer and actress, when she was giving birth. Oh, what was it? The doctor in there was scrolling on his phone and then, like, oh, this is taking too long, you know, like, and Manty Moore apologized, like, because it's instinct. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm inconveniencing you. That giving birth was being inconvenient. I mean, and if it happens to a celebrity, oh my god, it's happening to us all the time. I I really fail to believe that would ever be said to a man. And I remember when Kanye West jumped on stage and took that award off Taylor Swift, or tried to, whatever, in 2009, and Dr. Phil was like, I can name 10 or 20 male artists who we would never do that to. He did it because it was a teenage girl, because he could. And there's no way Taylor would stand there silent in her mid-30s. But you do as a teenager, you do in your 20s. And that's been our journey, hasn't it, ladies? Learning to take up space and find our voice. And I'm a very big fan of the Lewis House podcast. I think he's a lovely man. I have a suspicion or a dread that he might be a Trump supporter, but anyway. Um he's very traditional, I think, in certain things. But he had Emma Greed on his podcast. Emma Greed is the most delicious woman. I am so inspired by her. She owns all these businesses, which I mean, I don't even know anything about it's a clothing brand or whatever. But her the way she speaks, I will just sit there and listen to every word she has to say. She is so unapologetic about her success. But when she was on his podcast, I now understand why. She grew up with a single mum, and I think she's one of the eldest of four or five kids. So she said, My mum took the father role, I took the mother role. So she jumped in, this needs to be done, that needs to be done. She was packing up, cooking dinner and packing up lunchbox when she was a kid. So she's so inspiring, but she's so inspiring because she is so unapologetic about her success. So I listened to this whole hour episode on Lewis Houses podcast where he's asking her great questions. Then he gets to the end and he's like, so she married someone, and the surname is G-R-E-D-E, Greed. And he's like, his fucking stupid question was about do you think that that name you were destined to have that name or something? Because she's so, she's so wealthy from businesses she made with her grit and her her hard work. And she's like entertaining it, going, oh, yeah, yeah, you know. And I commented on YouTube going, um, one of my favorite podcast episodes I've ever watched. Like it was brilliant. But Lewis was like, that question at the end threw me. And I never, never comment. I have this thing of never criticize on free content, you know, like I'm not paying to watch his YouTube thing. But I, you know, I did the compliment sandwich. I loved the episode. I commented him on a great episode, but then I was like, she's not greedy. She's abundant. There's a difference. And I have to ask myself if he would ever have asked a man if he felt like he was being greedy for making money. Is that why is that one of the reasons that we've been held back with finances because we think it's greedy? Being working really hard and creating abundance for yourself and your family. It's absolutely not greedy. It's it's commendable, it's impressive. So I want to wrap up by just encouraging you to have main character energy in your life and really take center stage of your life, take up space, own your voice and your story, and really claim your power. If someone's trying to take it, you take it back. And you are not a bad person. You are not a mean person. I am not a mean person. People have been mistreating me for a long time, and I'm taking that power back the best way I know how. Create the life you want, be unapologetic about your success, and most importantly, be very selective of your tribe because they are absolutely dictating your current and future state and absolutely your nervous system. And there's something to be said about taking a step away from from everything to gain clarity. I have actively sought out solutions for my mental and physical health. I'm on the way to being the best version of myself. I am feeling better than I have in years. But absolutely taking a step back from anyone who is just causing too much pain and drama in my life has given me clarity. And from that, I have come up with the most wonderful next step in my career that I have I have been toying with for a long time, but didn't know the right direction. And all of a sudden, all the answers have popped up. I know how to do it, I know when to do it, I know what to do. And in the silence of being on my own and not having all the white noise of other people's drama around me, that clarity came to me, just clear as a bell. I often hear about manifesters talking about uh downloads, and I was like, oh, what a crock of shit. No, that really works. There's a YouTuber I watch in New York called Shayla Quinn, who had agreed to be on this podcast, but she's very busy at the moment. So I'm I'm gonna I'll follow up once she's settled and hopefully we'll get around. But she the rent in New York is fucked. And she has to move apartments and she like she's viewed over 30 apartments in New York City. And you could see it, and she's a real she reminds me so much of myself in that she's real positive. But if something gets to you like she's really honest about it, it's it's draining me. And she's very good on boundaries like myself, whereas she's been too social, she'll recharge on her own. Then she went on a holiday to Portugal and she's like, I know where I'm gonna move to. I've had a breather and I've got clarity. So I just want to encourage you, if there is a situation, if you're in a job, check how much sick leave you've got, max out your sick leave if you need time and space to come up with an answer of what your next move is. If you're in a relationship like I just finished talking about, have a breather. Take a step back. Don't engage with anyone who's just draining your energy and making you feel terrible about yourself. Whatever the situation, take a step back. Have a little getaway if you can, go stay on Airbnb, whatever. But if you need to make a decision on something, clarity will come when you're just not all convoluted with outside noise. So thank you for being here today. This was um this was hard. Um the aftermath will most likely be harder, but uh I hope, I hope in at the end of the day, everyone understands the the good intentions I have behind doing this and how it was just it was just time after decades of just the same stuff going on. This is just me owning my story. This is my story. And anything that happens to me, I have the right and the privilege to talk about without anyone's permission. This is my life. And I'm gonna, I always have, fought tooth and nail to make it the best I possibly can. So I hope I hope you feel that you've gotten closer to me with me being more vulnerable. I'll do some more episodes about this, not about this particular topic, but just being more diary style, unless um I want to do a motherhood one, talk through the my highs and lows of motherhood and the fertility journey. But that's okay, that will happen. That will that will come. Thank you for being here. Please, please be inspired by me to own your story and take up space and do something in the next week to fill up your cup. And I'll catch you in the next episode. Thank you again for being here today. I hope that this episode brought some value to you. I look forward to your company in the next episode, and please connect with me on socials to keep this love fest going.

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