[Solo Episode] Mum Confessions🫢

This week’s solo episode is a very real, very unfiltered chat about motherhood, identity, relationships, judgement, overwhelm, and learning to give yourself grace. I share some honest “mum confessions,” reflect on the results of a recent Instagram poll, and talk about the quiet lessons motherhood has taught me about staying in my own lane and doing what works for my family. A warm, light-hearted conversation for any mum who’s ever questioned whether she’s doing enough. 

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Transcript

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I'm recording this episode on the lands of the Daraual people and pay my respects to their elders. As this is a digital platform, I also want to pay my respects to the traditional custodians of the lands on which you, our listeners, are based, and acknowledge that you are telling stories on these lands too. Jumping in here to talk directly to my Sydney friends about one of my absolute favourite cafes, Pilgrims Cranolla. Now located in their gorgeous new location opposite South Crenolla Park, with expanded indoor and outdoor seating, including pet-friendly tables out front, and delicious food, juice, and coffee. The menu is full of wholesome, vegger-friendly eats that feel both nostalgic and nourishing. Expect brecki wraps, vibrant salads, smoothies, fresh juices, and some of the best plant-based sandwiches going. I strongly recommend the corn fritters and the chai shake, which is definitely big enough for two. Check them out on Insta and be sure to visit when you're next in Crenola. A podcast for ambitious women who are tired of pouring from an empty cup, but still want to grow, evolve, and build a life they're proud of. Through a mix of comforting solo episodes and inspiring conversations with industry professionals, authors, wellness experts, and entrepreneurs, we talk about what it really looks like to refill your cup while up-leveling your life. Topics include mental, emotional, and physical wellness, hormonal health, manifestation, career and finance, boundaries, self-trust, and redefining success on your own terms. Hosted by me, Steph Bruno Newton, each weekly episode is designed to motivate, ground, and empower you to take care of your needs and go after the life you actually want. Pour yourself a cup, take a breath, and let's refill it together. Hello, my cup fillers, and welcome back to the Can and Get Arefor podcast. Bit of a different episode today. It's not structured. I don't have proper notes like I normally do. It's a bit of a mum chat. Let's have some mum truths. I want to share a few of the mum things I've been going through. No, not pregnant yet. Still trying. Let's not talk about that. For those who don't know, I have a 20, oh, 22 months today. 22-month-old son, Leo. And if you're a mum, you know that raising a toddler is very different to raising a newborn. And I feel like I haven't had a really one-on-one mum chat since he was at newborn. Sitting in my arms when I first came back and started recording again after he was born. Pour yourself a tea. Let's spill the tea. Let's talk all the juicy stuff. I even put some juicy question polls on my Instagram last night. So I've got some results from that that I want to read out to you. And my apologies for still sounding nasal. I'm on day nine of coughing my lungs up, blocked nose. That's not even the worst of it. The next two guest interviews were recorded last week when I was really sick. So don't say I didn't warn you. If you're new here, I'm Steph. I'm your host, and I help women stop pouring from an empty cup and start building a life that actually supports them. So you should hit the subscribe button and stick around. And if you haven't already, you jump on the website www.canagetareefill podcast.com.au, linked below, to download your free ebook on seven steps to protect your energy and fill up your cup. Every area of your life depends on the relationship you have with yourself. So make sure it's a very solid one. Download it today to make yourself a priority. Now before we get into the juicy mum stuff, if you know me, you know that. Well, firstly, I used to be celebrity obsessed, and now I sort of have no interest in celebrities in recent years. I don't know what's changed, but there are two women that I have been obsessed with since day one. That is Delta Goodrum and Lady Gaga. Even my husband's male friend said once, I know you I know you really like Delta and Gaga, so I must share a lot on my socials. But I have been lucky enough to meet Delta a few times. I've gone to every single Sydney show she's ever had, and I was so blessed to have sung a few lines of Stevie Nicks with her when I was on the voice many years ago. How long? Six years ago now. This week, Delta represented Australia in the Eurovision song contest, and she was an absolute superstar. This artist is the hardest working artist in the industry. She is full of talent, she's so tenacious. And look, it was the best performance of the contest, without a doubt. And you know, Delta's had her fair share of tall poppy syndrome over the years, and every online thing about her performance, I've seen nothing but positive feedback. There's no denying her talent, her vocal range, she was phenomenal. Having said that, you know, Eurovision has a very kitschy kind of style. So I think they're always gonna go with that sort of style, but also they probably don't want it to go out of Europe, which is fine, fair enough. But if you were watching it at 5 a.m. in Australia, she was leading that leaderboard for so long. And Italy was coming second, so I really felt like my two nations were gonna take first and second. Look, with the the judging panels of the country, she came of all the countries, she came second. And then once the audience votes came in, she ended up coming fourth, which is the same that Olivia Newton-John did years ago, which is her idol. So that's just so poetic and beautiful. But regardless, look, I think she should have won. A lot of people think she should have won. She was the best performer, but regardless of the outcome, she absolutely nailed it. She should be so proud of herself. Delta, we are all proud of you as a country. And I just, it's not mum related to this episode, but I had I had to share that today because for someone like me, it's our Olympics. It's the gay Olympics. And her appearance there can only have helped her career because now she's released Europe shows that sold out within a day. So good for her. I love how much her career has skyrocketed since leaving The Voice. She is just going from strength to strength. Love her. Congrats, Del Tidis Proud. And on another celebrity note, even though I said I don't pay attention to celebrities anymore, the daddy of podcasting herself, Alex Cooper, call her daddy a podcast host, has announced her pregnancy in the most stunning pregnancy photo on socials this week. So that'll be fun to watch. Okay, moms, let's talk about it. So I, if you remember, I used to work a nine to five, and I went back to work and stupidly naively thought I would go back to work full-time when Leo was five and a half months old. And it was suggested to me to get him into daycare, even full-time daycare. And I I freaked out at that because I used to say, and I've said this on the podcast, I didn't have a child just to see him on the weekends. To each their own, some people are dying to get back to their old lives. And I, to be honest, I was podcasting a week after he was born. So if it's something that it's your calling and something you love, that's fine. But if you're working for someone else and it's a desk job, you know, it was paying the bills. It's not like I was dying to get back to it. But I was happy to, you know, be myself again and have some adult conversations. But it did not feel right to me to get him into daycare at that stage. He wasn't even crawling, you know, and I just feel like he was a blob laying there. And that blob needed his mum. So it didn't feel right at the time. And then I ended up leaving that job and now I do my own work and I'm so grateful, loving my life at the moment. But it's gotten to a point where the work was getting, I do work for my husband's business, I do work for my business, I, you know, do all the housework, I did all the parenting, 24-7 parenting for nearly two years. And surprise, surprise, I burnt out. I really just I had, I was, I keep saying I was, I've been my most joyous feeling so abundant, but so anxious. And you know, before I had kids, I didn't know what it was gonna be like, and I didn't realize it would be like like a cat with the hair on the back of the neck all the time, waiting for what's he gonna do, what's he gonna touch, is he gonna fall over? Is he gonna hit his head? It it's full on. So I only exhaled when he was asleep. Anyway, the work's gotten bigger, so we decided to get him into daycare. We found the best place. It was for Alan and I, my husband and I, it was um our preference to not have male staff members. I'm sure there are some great ones out there, but you know, there was some recent things on the news and and the common thread was the male were the male staff members, and it just didn't make us comfortable. So we found a place that was all female staff, pretty close to home. And when I saw the pictures online, there were some others that probably had a little bit better decor. From the second we set foot in there, it just felt like the warmest, best environment for us and for Leo especially. And I met a mum there at the Easter hat parade, and she said, I knew this place was good because I used to send my son to another one, and I thought that place was good until I came here and my son would race into their arms. So Leo started there about two months ago, I think, two days a week. Last week I emailed them and said, Do you have an opening for a third day? Because it's going so well. And I'm still not getting my work done. I'm I'm honestly I'm recording back-to-back interviews. I really need to pull back on that a little bit. I'm starting to feel a little bit exhausted. You know, it's all great stuff, but I yeah. I need to sit on my balcony and read a book. I can't remember the last time I did that. So if you follow me on socials, you might have seen a few stories I put up recently. My son has two favourite educators here. They're most of them are very, very young girls, and I'm so impressed because there ain't no chance I was interested in kids in my 20s. I'm and I'm still probably only interested in my kid. They are so engaged, and out of his two favorites, I feel like once he's wifey, once he's a mistress. Because one, he goes to for the cuddles and the nurturing, and she there's something about her that reminds me of myself in my 20s, even though I was loud and stuff, but she's um, yeah, she's she I would cuddle into her. She's just so cuddly. And when we first went there and it was the Easter hat parade, he wouldn't walk on. He was the only kid that wouldn't walk on his own because he'd only had one shift there, and he came out snuggled in her arms. He's very comfortable with her. And the other one is the fun one. So every time I go to pick him up, she's playing with him, tipping him upside down, and he's laughing. So they have this app. Oh my god, the app is so great. They give you updates all through the day. Leo had a wet nappy. Leo had a soiled nappy, Leo's gone down for a nap. Leo's been checked on his nap. Like it's it's great. And then at the end of every day, they give you a rundown of everything. I mean, I don't know, maybe they all do this. They give you a rundown of everything they did that day and they upload photos. So you can download the photos of your child. So there are sort of selfies that the educators have taken with Leo next to them. So I have two on my phone of his two favorite educators. He just runs to my phone to look at the photos. And the wifey one, he grabs the phone and runs into the corner and just goes, mm, mm, and just like and then the fun one, he like runs up and down on the spot and just, or he'll like throw things and just make noise, but his face lights up. Well, he's now graduated to kissing. This child never kisses me. Never. I figured he inherited his dad's genes of not very good with affection. And I was like, that's fine, that's his space. I kiss him constantly. He grabbed my phone and was just like kissing the photos of this girl. I cannot wait to go pick him up this afternoon to show her because we filmed it. And I said to my husband, pay special attention to what he does when he gets there this morning because he spent the whole weekend looking at her photo. And and Alan toasted me an hour or two ago going, jumped straight into her arms. So I just I want to say what it means to a mum to see someone taking such a great care your baby, your your your pride and joy. There is no one in the world I love as much as him. And I love like I get to daycare and I don't go straight in, I'll peer through peek through the door. Because when he sees me, he'll be like, oh, and run into my arms. But if I pee through the door, I see him just having so much fun. So his speech has improved. I mean, I read to him every night. You can see him really absorbing, but he wasn't giving a lot back. And I I got oh Kmart. I love the wooden toys at Kmart. They've got this awesome like stacking thing with all numbers. And so I count to him every night, but apparently they've been doing counting at daycare. Well, on the weekend, he sits next to me and starts counting one to ten. Cutest is it's very cute, and he's just blossomed. So I think what I'm trying to say is I have zero mum guilt, and I understand I've seen some women online like crying and having guilt when they take their child to daycare. I am such an emotional cancerian that I thought I would sob. I didn't shed one tear the first day I dropped him off and haven't since. I always get a bit sad, like the morning when I see him leave with his dad, because I'm like, oh, I'm gonna miss him so much. But I forget that real quick once I get this quiet, lovely, neat house to myself. But I have zero guilt. What I had guilt for was on the days when I had so much work to do, and he's wanting all my attention, and I want to give it to him, but I can't do everything at once. So I'll play with him a lot, and especially when he first wakes up and you know, we'll sit and do lots of playing, but I can't do it all day. And so when I break to do work and he's like crying or pulling on my pants, that was the most insane mum guilt. I just feel horrible. So this daycare has just been the the biggest blessing to our family. Where my husband and I are able to concentrate on work, we're able to bring in more money for our that funds our family. And with my husband's business, more business means that more staff, that's more money for their families. Like it's all this flow of abundance. And I get to podcast and do have my creative fulfillment. But in the meantime, my son's not just sitting watching TV, he is building relationships, he's building friendships with peers, he's learning so much, he's getting to play all the time and not just me go quick, go watch Miss Rachel and Mickey Mouse. We're into Mickey Mouse and Peppa Pig at the moment. Miss Rachel's taking a backseat. I'm just so grateful for it. So it's okay to change your mind with something as important as putting your child in daycare. It's okay that it might be right for you and your family at one stage, but not another. And I totally respect that some parents have to go straight back to work and put their kids in full-time daycare. There's a lot, most of them are in full-time there. Oh, and I met a lovely mum there, and we and she's half Sicilian like me. She's so hot. And she we're catching up for a play date next Monday. So super pumped about that. Oh look, my phone just beeped notification from daycare. But it also reminds me that when I was a kid, I adored school. Like, especially primary school. And I I still remember preschool. I had a bestie all the way through preschool and primary school who I st I still chat with. She's a beautiful girl. And I know what people say now about how teachers are just the most valuable people in society other than medical staff. They're guiding our youth. There's no one more innocent than children, and there's no one more important than people guiding them through their childhood. And I just value these workers so much for taking care of other people's children and just, you know, I don't know if I could change an appy that wasn't my child's. I I thought that this morning. Could I? I don't think I ever have. Anyway, but this leads me to my next point of having fixed ideas of parenthood before you become a parent. Now, if you've stuck around since season one, I interviewed while I was pregnant. No, no, no, Leah was born. I interviewed, she was a midwife and like a what else did she do? Like a family educator. And it she ran the parenting course, the two-day parenting course that Alan and I did. And she talked about how bad screen time is before three. And she had has two incredibly bright young children. And I wholeheartedly agreed. I still wholeheartedly agree, but that's the the ideal. And we know that life isn't perfect every day, and you gotta weigh things up. So Leo's fine in the premier, but there was a stage where he would cry if the walks were too long. And I remember thinking, well, it's 10 minutes of Miss Rachel on my phone to get home, or it's me having a mental breakdown. I chose Miss Rachel. And I, you know, you feel a few people looking at your child with a phone and then looking at you, and I don't know if it's in my head. And I'm pretty sure I did that. I think I judged before I became a mom. I mean, I don't like a screen in front of them 24-7. I certainly don't like a handheld device for him, but you do what you need to to survive. So having those ideals of not having them in daycare that can change at any time. Cool. Having those set boundaries of no screen time, great, it's an important conversation to have with your partner, but it's cool to change. It's fine. And the time I spend with him without screen time is far outweighing the time of screen time. But each day is different. And sometimes before bed, I put on, you know, the Eric Carl book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. This beautiful thing on YouTube. It's like a 31-minute video of a compilation of some old British dude reading out all of Eric Carl's books in the most beautiful, soothing voice that I love hearing before bed. It soothes Leo into the most tranquil state. Then we go to bed, then we read two books, then we do little finger puppet things on the ceiling, and then we cuddle, and then he goes to sleep, and then I read, and then his dad will play video games and have his time, and then he comes to bed later. I haven't replied to my mum group chat. I must, and someone was like, oh, I feel so bad I've got my son on the floor, like the mattress on the floor. Um I've got to reply to her and take a photo of Leo's setup. So Leo got this gorgeous wooden cart that I adore. It's just Temple and Webster, I think. And it's on wheels, you can move it in and out. And I loved when he first started sleeping in it. And I would wake up to this cute little eye looking through the slats at me. It was so cute. This child moves. I'm a sleep talker. This kid is a sleep mover, walker, roller, acrobats. He moves so much. All you heard was the banging of his body against wooden slats, and it was driving us nuts. Then when his teething started, we had him in bed with us. Ah, another thing of the fixed ideals. I swore I would never, ever, ever have a child in my bed. I was like, that's the end of your romance. I adore sleeping next to my son. I love it. And I heard someone say, you know, modern day society will just judge you on the things you do. And there is nothing more natural than a child sleeping next to their mum. It feels so good. I love snuggling into him. So we did it for a while. And now the thing is he falls asleep next to me, and Alan will come in and move him to his bed. But the bed, forget it. What you know, first of all, he's so big now he can just climb out of it. So what we had to do, I love sleeping on mattresses on the floor. Alan had that when I first met him. We've put his mattress on the floor next to our bed, but he'll still roll off that. And then you'd just you'd wake up and he's sleeping on a wooden floor. So he is surrounded by so many blankets and cushions that it looks like my bedroom in the 90s after I had seven girlfriends come over for a sleepover. Do you know how long that takes to set up and put back the next morning? I don't wanna, I don't wanna add up how many hours at the end of the year I've spent doing that. But you do what you need to do. That's working for us at the moment. And I like now that I, you know, don't worry that he's up in a bed because I'll leave the door open a crack, and I love just seeing him toddle out. I love him just walking out of the bedroom. Like he's been doing that for months, and he still looks, you know, he's big for his age, but he still looks so little to walk out of a room on his own. And I love it. It's so, so cute. So yeah, going into parenthood with fixed ideas just doesn't pan out. So it shifts all the time, and that's fine. What also is funny is I think you you can incorrectly guess the type of parent you'll be. Now, I am very fastidious, regimented, you know, I'm a leave post-its around the house kind of girl. and I like things a certain way and you know I've grown up with a a bit of a temper I'm half Sicilian and my my husband is like the chill Aussie ex-footballer guy wow I never yell at Leo and Alan does and I was delighted because you you go by instinct not by what you think you're gonna do and my instinct I think because I hated anyone raising their voice at me like when I was a kid it just made me so anxious so I think there must be a you know a subconscious thing in me to have the gentle approach and I'll get down on my knees and I'll be like okay so I'm not gonna show you the rest of my apartment because he's very artistic like his mama and he loves drawing with crayons and I've got blank paper pads for him but he'll draw and then I'll get excited and he'll draw on the floor or go and draw on all the furniture but he'll look at me before he does like to say am I gonna get away with this so instead of yelling because that's your instinct but all the experts say that doesn't work so now he's very into yes and no so when he draws on the paper I go yes and if he draws on the floor no and he gets it he's listening to me that Alan's go-to I'm he sounds so much like his dad but it's just like hey and I'm like this guy in 10 years never raised his voice with me and I'm just seeing a whole new person. It's not bad but it's like I was so delighted to discover that I'm the calm parent. I couldn't believe it. I think everyone would imagine the polar opposite and look he's the fun parent he's the one let's play let's be silly let's be physical and I'm the snugly parent. I like to do arts and crafts with him sitting in my lap and I love to cuddle and kiss and read books. So you know and that's why you see Leo go to Alan in the morning and then me at night he follows me around until I'm ready for bed if I'm doing like a beauty routine. So I just thought that was so funny that you you're just so way off with what you think's gonna happen once you become a parent. It's so beautiful it's a beautiful journey seeing you know different things and discovering different sides of yourself. Jumping in with another message for my Sydney friends. If you're a pizza lover, you absolutely need to head out to Cronulla and visit my friends at Queen Margarita of Savoy for traditional Neapolitan pizza and other Italian classic dishes. With my Sicilian background you know that I've travelled to Italy many times over the years. I've eaten pizza all over Italy including in Naples and I swear to everyone I meet that Queen Margarita is still my absolute fave. I like simple classic flavours so I highly recommend the traditional margarita and the three cheese pizza. Hubby loves the prosciutto and the pork and fennel. I also have a soft spot for the truffle orangini. Check them out at SurfRoad Cranola and the link in my show notes. You definitely will not be disappointed okay let's read out the Instagram poll. I did I never hold my phone while I'm doing a podcast so I'm gonna read it out to you. So I asked a few juicy questions and I'm gonna read out to you the percentage of votes. So have you ever felt judged by other mums? 57% said definitely 43% said occasionally and 0% said have felt nothing but support. I'm not surprised by that. I think the most judgment probably comes from other mums and I think there is a special place in hell for mums who judge other mums. And speaking of me never raising my voice, if you've stuck around you know that I have a neuromuscular disorder. So I might be fit and healthy and that but once I've been stationary my muscles go stiff. So if I've chilled for a while I can't just get up and run. It takes me a long time to warm my muscles up. So that's always been my biggest fear about a toddler that I he won't understand you have to wait for mom. So I prefer now to take him to gated playgrounds rather than the open ones but occasionally we'll do the others. And he bolted this is oh no this was back in February. I was I'm not stressed now like I was back then. I remember going through a bit of a I'm so burnt out and he was running he just bolted towards the road and the road is quite far but I knew I wouldn't catch up to him in time. So I screamed his name and there was on a bench a family with like teenage kids a mom and a dad the judgment from that bitch's face I I gotta say I don't think I've ever felt judged as a mom until then. Like I know maybe with the screen time but maybe that's in my head but I have felt a lot of support from other mums. My favorite thing is when I walk him in a stroller and you know who's been a mum, especially the older mums because they look at him and then look at you. And I know they're happy for you because you got a baby but I think they're remembering when they were a mum. And I always said Alan you know she's a mom. It's it's such a beautiful exchange the way that I feel like mums my age look at me like sisters on the front line. We get each other that we're both surviving. And then the older moms look at you like I remember that like it was yesterday. I love that so much. But this bitch literally just judged me so much and it would so not like me to say nothing. But I think I would have lost it. So I bit my tongue and I was about to walk up to a table and go explain my neuromuscular disorder and be like I would expect better from a mom. So again there were two options either me remain looking like a a quiet young lady should let's stay small ladies and Leo get hit by a fucking car or me scream like a banshee because guess what? He stopped he stopped when I screamed like that. So it worked so I don't scream but if my baby is running towards a fucking car park I'm gonna scream but to judge another mum come on ladies never never ever judge another mum unless it's really really really endangering the child but good lord it's an impossible task it's an impossible job and we're all doing our very best. Now did you find the next question was did you find mum groups supportive? Zero percent said they've been my lifeline. Now I thought some would but I think and I've made lovely mum friends in the area because all my friends are in the inner west I'm in the Shire so it was nice to have local friends and you know we've played with uh with our kids but it's more sort of you know as everyone's gone back to work it's tapered off a bit so it's sort of catch up here and there. But I think what's happened is my relationships with my girlfriends who are mums, they were my lifeline because you've already got you've been through all the different versions of yourself, you know, like partying at Raves till seven in the morning then dating the wrong guys then marrying the guys of your dreams and then going into motherhood. So I I wrote the girls a message the other day and they they really loved it but I was like what an honor it's been to watch you go through this and just blossom as a mum but also struggle as a mum because we get each other and there's just been no judgment in with my friend group. And such different style of parenting between all the mums and so so great. So 0% said they've been my lifeline the mum groups 50% said at first then we tapered off which is so normal I think after I think it's the first year where you're close and then everyone sort of starts going back to work. And 50% said I never clicked with other mums in my area. And I guess it doesn't surprise me. Yeah because it can be real clicky too. So when I went to daycare on Mother's Day and made friends with this gorgeous Italian girl Bella I feel like the only two mums I've made friends with there are like hot European or I think one specific islander. But like the real shire mums all have a very particular look which is not dissimilar I think to Eastern suburbs but it's you know like very slim, very blonde, very nice, well dressed very quiet and proper and I don't necessarily click with those kind of women so I thought it was really funny how I clicked with the two cool ones. So so it stands to reason you know you're not you're not just gonna be friends with someone because you clumped in the same area. So I I get it. That's cool. Which stage of motherhood has been your fave this is the one I was most excited to ask because I said for years wake me when he before I was even pregnant, wake me when they're four. I have no interest in a baby or an infant. I just loved school age kids. I loved that with my nephews, you know, that would come home from school and say really funny shit and I just find that so entertaining. That's why I was so shocked the second I met Leo I was obsessed and I shocked myself I think I was also terrified of getting postnatal depression which I didn't get which I was so delighted with which is surprising with the lack of sleep but I loved it. I oh my God if I ever scroll back at newborn photos of him they're sleeping on the chest. Oh if I knew this is why I want another baby to just cherish those again if I knew that that last contact I'm gonna cry that last contact nap was the last one I would have filmed it I would have savored every second of it. I loved that and he was a reflux baby so I'd have to hold him upright for 30 minutes after feeding him a bottle so you know that's when I read all those all those housemate novels I'd be sitting here just I threw so many novels while he was sleeping on my chest. But I loved it so much but you know I think I'm thinking of the highlight reels and when you go back you know the reflux and the colic it was it was hard. It is taxing and you you know you don't really know them like like now it's like you know each other so well and back then it's like there's this little stranger in my house and but I think what I also found hard for the first four months I think maybe my favorite was like the four to ten months. So just before he started he walked at 10 months. So just before that and he started creating a riot because he started smiling and giggling and giving back and I think when I look back at the first four months I felt like I wasn't getting rewarded for all the work I was doing to keep this baby alive and entertained and nourished. I was like all I'm getting from you are tears because they don't really smile at that age and I hadn't thought that that was going to be a thing. Like I've never really been around babies. So I think that the constant tears and the no reward was taxing emotionally. So when you start getting that that reward of a smile and a giggle oh man. Let me go through all the stages. So as newborn and infant 14% said that was their favorite toddler 29% said that was their favorite. School age and beyond 14% said that was their favorite. And the most was highs and lows of each age got 43% and that's the one that I would have chosen because I loved I loved so much from each age. Each age you always hear parents say you you grieve or mourn their their past selves because they change so much more rapidly than adults do year to year. And you do you grieve who they were but then you're so excited to to learn new things and now that he started like more words and the counting oh and he's really understanding us. I am loving this maybe the most maybe the most 22 months this is I would say this is my favorite stage I think we haven't had too many tantrums we'll see only when I try and take him off the sand he loves being at the beach. The next question is is a tough one this was the last question. Did you get closer with your mum after becoming a mum? 25% said so much closer. I actually found that surprising I actually thought that would be lower. 38% said somewhat and 38% said quite the opposite. So I do know a few people that have gone through that and I think you know you have like the Hallmark idea or the like um you know the Nancy Myers Father of the bride type films and you think that you know you're just gonna bond and get closer and I'm sure that mothers hope for that you're sleep deprived you're trying to figure things out your main responsibility is taking care of your child not worrying about what anybody else's involvement is because you're just trying to survive. So I think if you don't already have a really rock solid relationship before becoming a mum I think that can just highlight it even more so. So it's such a tricky time I mean it's nice to to bond because you've both gone through motherhood but then they haven't been mums for decades either. So I think that's why for me girlfriends is sort of understanding each other a bit more but you know but it's it's very important to uh for grandparents to have that time with their grandchildren and I do love seeing Leo interact with his grandparents and and all the FaceTiming and that that's very special. I do love that. And then I had I asked for any stories to DM I'll just share this this is from a a friend of mine this is a real funny one. Actually it reminds me of have you seen those things on Instagram it was a few months ago where if kids are crying or having a meltdown you just scream out Jessica even if your kid's not named Jessica especially for kids not named Jessica because the random name confuses them that every single child you see on Instagram it stops them dead in their tracks and they stop crying. I'm yet to try it. I have to try that so my friend said I I heard a story years back of a mum who used to carry a potato around in her bag a potato. She explained that it was used as a distraction device for when her toddler was chucking a tantrum. The act of pulling a random object the potato out of her bag at any time was enough to confuse and intrigue her kid breaking the tantrum so the misdirection and that's when I said this reminds me of the Jessica thing. Same when they are doing something you don't want them to do rather than saying no don't do that try redirecting their attention somewhere else how about we do this instead I have been doing that with Leo. That works better and and Alan's just like no all he's hearing is what he can't do. So the misdirecting to how about we count this instead he's like oh okay like the tears start to ease up so I love the misdirection it's very good. Sorry I just saw a photo of Leo holding an umbrella in my phone from yesterday how mom how hard is winter but especially or even autumn more so when it rains and I love the rain for a day or two. What do you do with him? Even my mum friend said the other day what did I do with her last year? But then she's like I guess they weren't walking that much last year. It is so hard. When it rains I'll probably just go to the library or take him to Westfield and play around in the indoor plaything but it's so much easier to take them to a playground just nearby and you know what summer is so much more social because we would do a we'd always see the neighbours we have the best neighbors the little kids and Leo loves Bonnie this little six year old girl who I adore she reminds me so much of me when I was little actually and and they'll play around in the in the backyard or every afternoon I was doing a picnic in the yard and now I'm not because it's cold and we've both had a cold and then my neighbors would come down and play and then that's where I'd do drawing with Leo and blow bubbles and I'm like indoors isn't as fun because I feel like the TV's on a bit so and then after dinner in summer we would go to the playground then I'd run into my neighbors and as the sun was going down you do nighttime play and now it's like pitch black. So it is so so I like colder weather but it's so much harder as a mum so I'm honestly already dying for spring to come back. So my next point is about finding your own parenting style now I caught myself doing the comparison thing I zoomed in. So on that app on the daycare they showed them eating and I found myself zooming in to the other kids' lunchboxes which were fucking Instagramable gorgeous lunch boxes with all different fresh like broccoli and vegetables all cut up in all different things. Leo's got a small lunchbox with three holes and I'll do pasta in the main one and it's only there two days a week so I cook all different things at home but I'm thinking what's gonna keep and then you've got the allergies so you can't you know cook things that might have egg or nut so I'll do pasta and one and this is what they said in the in the handbook. And then like a maybe a meat or cheese in the other one so he's protein and then I'll either put like blueberries or the now I'm really just doing because blueberries are eight bucks at the moment now I'm really just doing those yogurt covered sultanas and put them in it. So it's like it looks pretty bland. But what I know is that Leo doesn't chew vegetables. He only likes them pureeed and you know he'll eat them when they're cooked into something like a stew I make or like a Kishi kind of thing but he won't like chew on an individual vegetable. Fruit mate fruit the kid goes mad will polish off an entire fruit platter. But but they give them fruit and morning tea so I'm not gonna pack fruit for lunch because he's just had a whole serving and morning tea. So I give him the Aldi sachets the sweet potato wait I need to read out the flavors. Okay if you're on YouTube you can watch you can see this. So the Audi ones sweet potato carrot and apple and pea, apple, broccoli and spinach. So the thing is that he'll eat these two veggie ones because there's a bit of fruit in them and it sweetens it up if I give him the plain veggie he just doesn't eat them. So I'll send him with that packed lunch box and one of these on top and it's it's not impressive. So I found myself judging and I thought when Alan wakes up I'm gonna say to him we need to buy a new bigger lunchbox we need to start doing and I caught myself and I went but why? Because Leo's being malnourished or because I'm worried what people like what the workers there might think of my parenting and I went no I'm not changing anything because I know these are the foods that he eats he's still getting veggies they're just in liquidy form and that's what works for us. I loved that I stopped myself in my tracks and didn't go and look for that new lunch box. So do you do what works for you and do what works for your child and don't worry about what the other parents are doing. This kid is taken care of he is well fed believe me. And yeah I guess my other example of doing what works for you is the him sleeping on the floor. So it's a learner should go process isn't it I also think anytime not just parenting anytime in life I I do things that aren't authentic and feel right to me and light me up but me trying to be like someone else it falls flat. It it doesn't work even like with clothing styles there have been these times where I've bought like certain like white colored linens or something. I'll have one that I like but and then I look at myself in the mirror I'm like this isn't me. I'm just trying to fit in to a look so yeah I think just being unique works for parenting and every other area. And the the final point I want to make is how I'm realizing more and more to spend less and less money. Now clothing my God they go through so much clothing. So I just I have two Kmart boxes that have just arrived but being in daycare you can't put them in your in the nice outfits that you've already got because they're painting and they're doing things and they come home disgusting. So I've just bought so many tracksuits like five dollar top five dollar bottom tracksuits because and singlets and socks and um a few things for his birthday party coming up. So they go through things so quick that buying the best of the best like it certain things that are logistical like a the good carrier loved it don't regret it. Oh my god the cushu which is not even expensive you know how much I loved that thing can't wait to have another baby to buy a new one and uh like a good pram and a good car seat all that stuff is really logistical you're using them all the time but in terms of like the clothing and the toys it's so ridiculous. So first of all I do not want a lot of plastic in my home in our family so I have always tried to get him wooden toys as much as possible and I love them and because I don't want it ending up landfill all the time because you're going through so much. And when he's over them I give them to Vinnie's or it might give them to other friends and I've had so many hand-me-downs from family friends. It's been great. And I love to put him in beautiful like goldy and ace like nice clothing I bought a gorgeous outfit for him that he can wear to my birthday and then I'm getting this Etsy jumper that says two spelled out for his birthday. But you know just a couple of expensive items and then I do the cheaper stuff in between and it's fine. They literally don't give a shit. And the other day if you follow my Insta stories I made my own play doh and my hands were so blue. But this play-doh is going so strong because I was going through so many different tubs of play doh for him and I'm like well that is so much plastic going into the planet. And this made a really big batch I just did the one color To trial it, which I kind of prefer because he mixes them all together and then they just become a poo brown. And it's in like a Tupperware container, and I got the rolling pin, and he runs to it every morning to roll it out and make shapes. And I used coconut oil instead of vegetable oil. It smells so good. I was worried he was gonna eat it. But then I was like, who cares if he does? It's literally all food ingredients. It's flour, cream of tartar, salt, water, and coconut oil and a bit of food dye. Whoop-de-whoop. And it's so good. I've saved money instead of buying all these tubs of play-doh. It's last it lasts months if you keep it closed. And it's less landfill. So I love doing the like low-key stuff we did in the 80s. And this is why I always say with birthday parties, like your kid doesn't need those huge like displays and balloons. I mean, it sounds judgmental. It is judgmental of me saying that. If people want to do it, go for it. But it's not for your kid. They don't give a shit. And those balloons are ending up in the planet. So and think of the parties you had when you were kids. You know, like ours was so low-key in the backyard. And I loved every single birthday I had in my childhood. And my mum always did those awesome cakes. Remember marble cakes where you'd mix like the chocolate and vanilla and strawberry and then ice it and then put all like the Jersey caramels and freckles. And I do the same every I've always done it for myself, Alan, and now for Leo. Well, now I save myself time and I just buy the mud cakes from Woolies and I stack three together and then ice them with Betty Crocker frosting and then do the colouring and the decorations. Takes me five minutes, costs me a max of $15. So good. Everyone loves them. So yeah, I stick with their Kmart outfits for Monday to Friday when we're not seeing people and I know he's gonna get dirty and mud, nice outfits on the weekend, DIY toys or you know, play-doh as much as you can, and wooden toys. And Kmart wooden toys are great. There's this toy store that had this really cool like garage thing with the with the ramp for cars. It's $200. And there was one that came up for $29. They're both wood. And I want to support the smaller businesses. For God's sake, I'm not spending $200 on that. That's so insane because he'll be over it in a few months. So I would I'd rather spend that towards a family holiday that we'll remember forever. And the last suggestion I want to give you, I saw a girl do this, a vlogger, I love Michelle Reed in Texas. And she did a photo book where she printed out photos of all the family and friends and put it in a book. And I think she wrote their names, but I I did it and I certainly wrote the names. Well, Leo's ripped so many out. You know what he does? He rips the two pictures out of his dad and brings them to me. And then when his dad goes to work, he'll put the photo up. Oh my god, he's so cute. I remember we were standing at the kitchen bench doing play-doh and he brought out the photo of Alan and put it up like Alan was there with us. And I took a photo and sent it to Alan. Is that the sweetest thing in the world? Like it pisses me off because he's never pulled out pictures of mum. But in fairness, mum's always here. I think that's what it is. And dad's always at work, so we misses him, but he is the favorite parent. But it's so, so sweet. But I love like Leo loves going through that book every night before bed, and then that familiarizes him, not just with the spelling, like of the names. Uh, because at daycare they said once he can recognize his own name, that's when we know it's time for him to upgrade to the bigger room. So he's familiarizing himself with his family and friends and the names, but he just loves looking at the people he loves before bed. So, so cute. So you should totally do that, the kid. Love it so much. That's it, my friends. Just a bit of rambling of thoughts today, just sharing my, you know, my mum truths and what I'm learning about myself as a mum and the whole journey and how it changes all the time. And I am loving it. It is so, so much fun. And I do hope to give Leo a sibling soon. So think very fertile thoughts for me. No, I am fertile. It's just that uh the stress has affected my hormone. So hopefully that will settle down soon, or maybe it already has. We don't know. But thanks for being here and subscribe if you haven't already, and stick around for all future videos. And my friends, especially my mama friends, please do something in the next week to fill up your cup. Thank you again for being here today. I hope that this episode brought some value to you. I look forward to your company in the next episode, and please connect with me on socials to keep this love fest going. Feel free to DM me with any questions at all. And if you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing it with a loved one or in your Insta stories. And if you're feeling super generous, a review on Apple Podcasts would be greatly appreciated. I'll catch you in the next episode.