The Belief That’s Burning You Out: Why Hard Work Alone is Costing You Everything l EP. 34 l

In this episode of The Be Better Podcast, I speak directly to the business-owning dads who pride themselves on being the hardest workers in the room. I used to wear that badge with honour too—until I realised the belief that helped me rise was the same one pulling everything else in my life apart. 

I break down why the “grind harder, be better” mindset is actually keeping you stuck, and how it's costing you your presence, your peace, and your family. 

If you've ever told yourself “I'm doing this for them” while quietly drifting further away from your partner, your kids, and even yourself… this one's going to hit home. 

Here’s what I cover: 

• How tying your worth to how hard you work leads to burnout, resentment, and disconnection
• The subconscious reason you keep choosing the hardest path—even when it’s unnecessary
• A practical way to map out your time vs. your values so you can course-correct fast
• The shift I made that let me keep growing my business without sacrificing my marriage, my health, or my son’s childhood

This isn’t about working less. It’s about working aligned. Because the truth is—if your business is getting the best of you, your family is getting the rest of you. And that’s not good enough anymore.
 

 This episode is for you if: 

• You wake up tired and go to bed even more exhausted
• You’re making money but feel further from your family than ever
• You’re scared your partner or kids are slipping away while you "chase success"
• You believe deep down that your value comes from how hard you work

 If you’re ready to evolve beyond burnout and build a life where your family, your health, and your business all win—let’s chat.
I help men like you find the balance you’ve been searching for without losing your edge. 

 Book a call HERE 

Transcript

 Harrison Orr (00:01.42) if you're the kind of man that prides himself on being a hard worker, then you're gonna need to hear this, because there's a good chance that that belief, the one that made you successful, is actually the one that's silently destroying your life right now. Harrison Orr (00:15.928) Welcome back to another episode of the Be Better podcast. I'm your host, Harrison Ohr, and I help men create what money can't buy, helping men to become sovereign leaders vital in health and build a legacy that cannot be shaken as husbands, fathers, and business owners. And this episode is for the men that have prided themselves on being the hardest worker in the room. The guys that have that level of work ethic that they will sacrifice just about anything and everything to make sure that they do not fail. The type of guy that will stay up late, get up early, over caffeinate, find whatever stimulant that he needs because he would rather end up in hospital gone, end up dead than fail. Like there is no option in this world where failure is the final outcome for this kind of man. And that is a savage mindset to have. Like I'm not trying to take anything away from that podcast. I personally believe that these different beliefs and... and frameworks for how we show up and how we get things done are tools, right? But just like tools, we don't use the same thing for every job. You don't use a hammer for a screw. You don't use a chainsaw when you need a butter knife, right? All these things have their time and place, but it's when we get caught up in this is how we do everything forever that it becomes unstuck. that we start burning ourselves out, that we start making sacrifices that are irreversible. We put, we work so hard and we put everything else second with that phrase of, I'm doing this for my family. Eventually I'll be able to slow down. Eventually, I just need to get to that next level. I just need to break that next financial barrier. I just need to hire that person. I just need to close this next deal. I just need to, just need to, just need to, just need to, and then what? Harrison Orr (02:17.58) we always move the goalpost. And if you're feeling burnt out, if you're feeling like you're missing your kids' lives, if you're feeling like your connection with your partner or your wife is growing further further apart, and maybe you feel like she just doesn't get it, she just doesn't understand, but you're doing it for her, is what you keep saying, then this is for you. Because... This self-belief, this identity around being a hard worker comes from our dad, right? We most likely grew up watching dad... provide, protect, they push harder, they don't complain, they just keep going, they would make those sacrifices, they would work as hard as they could for as long as they could to make sure that we, being their sons, being their kids, had food on the table, had a roof over our head, we could go on holidays, we could do all these things. And we subconsciously started to build our identity around that. Like, that's what it takes to be successful. We have to spend crazy amounts of time working. You have to sacrifice time. with your family, have to probably sacrifice your own health, mental and physical as well, and make sure that you do not show any emotion doing it. You do not cry, you do not complain, you shut up, nut up, and keep going. Any of that resonate? And then that also starts to build that belief that the harder I work, the more I'm worth. So the harder I work, the more money I make, the better husband I am, the better provider I am, the better husband I am. And on the flip side, if I'm not making enough money, if I'm not working hard, then I'm lazy, I'm a shit father, I'm a shit husband, I'm a shit man, and I'm not worthy, I'm not valuable, and I may as well be dead. Harrison Orr (04:11.266) The other side of that, again, is the more that I grind, the more that I sacrifice, the more that I deserve. And that success has to be earned through pain. Like what's the point in having success if you could do it in a couple hours a week, if you didn't have to suffer for it. right you wouldn't feel like you'd earn it right in the same way that people that win the lot lottery and win millions of dollars don't really brag about it that much because nobody is really proud of that like you just got lucky you didn't have to do anything to earn it but we have that same belief around work too even if I could earn the same amount of money but work a third of the time your pride or your ego wouldn't allow that It would find ways to make it harder. It would find things to feel the time. It would find more work to do to make it harder to feel like you're suffering, to feel like you deserve that money, to feel like you deserve that level of success. And that mindset frankly works for a little bit, right? Especially in your early, in your twenties, right? That works when you can just go balls to the wall. Like you don't have... Kids, ideally, you don't have a child or kids to factor in that you need to be present for. Probably don't have a wife or a serious partner, one that you're willing to change your future direction for. Don't have the responsibilities of life just yet. And it helps you, that mindset helps you to outwork everybody, whether it's with your health or with business or financially, you're able to push all your chips into the one corner. And because we're young and we've got faster, recovery we can handle a lot more right most people end up using that to just go out on benders and recover from that as opposed to working or studying but hey we all all learn eventually and when and I guess that makes it even harder to kind of shift this belief because you've got proof right you've got proof to say that that mindset works that that helped you become successful it helped you to build a business helped you to make money Harrison Orr (06:20.626) But the problem is, or one of the problems is that mindset doesn't have an off switch. When life demands more, like more from your business, more from your family, more from your health, you don't look for smarter ways, you look for harder ways. Ways that are going to be harder that align your actions to that self-belief, to that identity of I'm a hard worker, I work hard. I make sacrifices. So even when you're exhausted, even when your marriage and your relationship is slipping, it's falling apart, even when your kids don't even expect you to be at the dinner table anymore because they're just used to, dad works late, dad's never home. Or when he is home, he's tired, he's stressed, he's grumpy, and he's just not there mentally. And so you keep grinding. We feel that our way out of this is, I just need to make more money. Then they'll love me, then they'll appreciate me, then I'll be worthy and be valued. But at that point, work becomes almost an avoidance tactic. It's like we don't know how to connect with our partner or with our kids, so we think that providing more, making more money, being more successful personally or in the business will then garner more value, more respect. we're just avoiding those situations because we don't know how to have those conversations. We forget how to flirt with our wife. We forget how to interact with our kids on a deeper level other than just surface level of how was your day? What are you going to do tomorrow? What are we doing for the weekend? How's sport? Right? How are your friends? Surface level shit. But the fact that you're listening to this podcast tells me that you probably don't want to say like that forever. If you've got yourself into that position now because you've been running off that belief that has served you to now, but you're starting to realise that the sacrifices of that aren't worth it anymore. Like you've got to a point where financially you're doing well, business is doing well, and you're like, really don't want to keep sacrificing my relationship, my kids, time with them. Maybe it's your own self-realisation. Harrison Orr (08:29.85) Maybe that's been prompted by a few words from either of those maybe you know your relationship or your partner is getting to the point where They're I don't want to say threatening to but it's getting to the point where they can't hold on any longer any longer They've been told just one more month just a couple more months, and then we'll be sweet Then I can take more time off then we'll go on a date night then we're on a holiday then we'll do this then we'll do that But they've heard that before and so they're starting to lose trust you know, starting to lose trust that you actually mean what you say that you'll actually follow through. And that in itself is a hard thing to come back from. That in itself sucks when your partner or even your kids can't even trust what you say because you've broken your words so many times before. That's a hard pill to swallow. Harrison Orr (09:24.706) But here's a refrain. Whatever real leadership isn't just carrying more. It's not trying to carry all the weight on your back, on your shoulders. It's not about grinding as hard as you possibly can until you burn yourself out, until mentally you're fatigued. Physically your body is slowing down and you can't do anything to stop it. And you're just either injuring yourself or you're barely hanging on. You're relying on stimulants or drugs or alcohol or things to just get you through the day to just... just make it through and then maybe use things like weed or other drugs or things to just numb you out at the end of the night and you tell yourself it's relaxing when you're just numbing yourself because you just don't want to think you just want to be able to switch that brain off but what if realish leadership is actually being able to let go what's not serving you like recognize that yes this served you to a point but if You want to change the results that you've been getting. You want to be able to maintain that success in the business and financially, but still have an ecstatic, electric relationship with your wife. And you still want to have immaculate, elite level health. And you still want to have a great relationship with your kids and be present for them and actually be there for the moments that matter so that they remember you as the present dad that gave a shit rather than was always on his phone that dropped his family at the drop of a hat just to go to work or to take a client call or to do everything else. Because they picked that up. And they may not say it, but subconsciously they recognise, work is more important to dad than me. Harrison Orr (11:04.342) Now if you're a father, imagine your kid looking at you, looking at you in the eyes and saying that, Dad it's okay, I know work is more important than... Harrison Orr (11:18.254) I know but that fucking hurts. My son can't even speak yet but the thought of him saying that to me because he's seen how my actions play out, not my words, but how my actions play out and he's noticed that, that's gonna cut deep, that's gonna fucking hurt. And so. If this resonates with you, if this feels like you and you're like, God, that's me to a T, I'm priding myself on that work ethic, I'm not asking you to change that, right? I'm not saying that you need to work less. I'm not saying that you need to be lazy and to quit your job and just be a stay-home dad. None of that. But if you want to change, if you want to stop getting these results, if you want to stop... If you want to change, should say, that level of relationship that you have with your kids, with your partner, even with yourself, for your own health. Think about how you can work smarter. We've all heard that saying, work smarter, not harder. But let's be real, you have to work harder first to be able to work smarter, because you now know what to work on, and then if you're in the capacity, you can work smarter and harder, but only just smarter, right? Most people work so hard, they're actually so inefficient because the amount of time that they spend working, sorry, I'll ring a bell. Their pride is on the amount of time they spend working, not on the outcome. So their pride is connected to working 70, 80, 100 hour weeks. Their pride is to work, to getting minimal sleep. Their pride and that ego and that work ethic is based on those markers. Not on how much money they make. Not on how much impact they make. Not on the results they get, but on the effort that they have to put in. Harrison Orr (13:09.614) And so what's really helped me in this frame, because I like to consider myself a hard worker that has macular work ethic that all these things, 100%, I'm talking to you not from, I guess, theoretical perspective, but lived and experienced knowledge. What's really helped me is shifting that focus to what do need to put in, to what do want to get out? What is the outcome? And how can I get that with the least amount of resources possible? The least amount of time, the least amount of energy, the least amount of money. especially in business when you look at all the jobs that you're doing a good exercise to do is first of work out how much you're paid per hour. Obviously if you're a business owner then you don't get paid per hour but figure out how many hours you're working per week and then for the month and then how much you take home monthly. Divide those numbers and then that's your hourly wage. Anything less than how much you make, like any task that costs less than how much you make to outsource it, have someone else do it, should be outsourced to somebody else. Then the task that you focus on should only be the task that only you can focus on, those higher leverage opportunities. Like if I put a gun to your head and said you cannot step foot in your business again, you can only work on your business, not in your business, what are you gonna do? and you can't add any more hours to your day. Harrison Orr (14:42.68) Sit with that for a little bit. Sit with it. Write things down. Get as creative as you can. Like this is a brainstorming exercise. You don't need to think like, that's the one, go and do this. Brainstorm. But be as ridiculous as you fucking like about all the ways that you could get the same outcome, ideally better outcome, but without you personally putting in more time. And this is gonna be hard. This is going to challenge that. belief that you have that you need to be the hardest worker in the room, that you need to work hard to deserve success. Because your kids don't value you and don't appreciate you based on how much money you make. They don't value and appreciate you and love you based on the size of your business. Neither does your wife. They value the man that they get. And if the business is getting the best of you... then they never really get the best of you either. They'll just get a version of you that's watered down because you're stressed, you're tired, you're depleted, you're all these things. And they just get whatever's left. And then, they're do exactly what we did when they grow up. They're going to think that that level of sacrifice is what's required to be successful. And they'll do one of two things. They'll either replicate that, because they want to be successful, they'll think that they need to sacrifice everything in life and they'll repeat the pattern, or they'll go so far the other way because they do not want to burn out, they don't want to grow up being so distant from their family, they don't want to be in that same position, that they will do everything in their power subconsciously to make sure that they're not successful, because that'll associate all your traits with being successful. Now there are many ways to be successful, it's up to personal definition. But especially at a young age, kids' minds will make those connections and those assumptions and they will be a self-belief that they operate off moving forward. And so, I hope this is resonating with you because this hit hard for me. One of the things that I'd like you to take home, and I'll wrap this up soon, is... Harrison Orr (16:53.326) your values. First of all, knowing your values is going to make it a hell of a lot easier for you to figure out. What's misaligned because let's be real there are some people that love working those those hours, right? If you love working those hours and maybe you don't have a family cool This is not for you. You don't have a partner cool. Not for you you love working those hours and you don't have a problem with The sacrifices that you've made for your health in your relationship with your kids cool. Not for you This is only for the people that have high values of their health of their family of their relationships of something that they are having to sacrifice in order to achieve and maintain this level of success for the business and financially. What we're about is finding a way to live and behave in alignment with those values that enables us to maintain and grow that success in the business. without feeling like we're misaligned because we're stressed out, so we're not putting time into our relationships and that's fading in. We're bordering on divorce. Or our kids are growing up and we never spend time with them and the only memories we have of them are looking at photos because we were never really there. They're the kind of men that this is for. And so when you know your values, look at... Create a pie chart. I'm gonna make this super simple. Look at your calendar. Look at your calendar. Ideally, if you're running a business, you should have a calendar. If you do not have a calendar, I should bitch slap you through this microphone, through this screen, because you should be using your calendar. Look at your calendar. And then associate a value for each, for where you spend your time. So for work, for the other activities around work. Harrison Orr (18:39.8) Give that a label, each of those things a label, right? See where you're spending most of your time. And then compare that to your values. How much time do you spend in alignment with those values? How much time have you dedicated each day that is in alignment with those values? And where do you spend time misaligned with those values? Is it doing unfulfilling work? Are you focused on being busy and working hard as opposed to being effective and productive? are you wasting time on your phone and social media instead of being productive, instead of looking after your health, instead of connecting with your wife, with your kids. Because when we've got that idea or that representation of where we are misaligned, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to know what we're striving for. Because then when you map out your ideal day, what does that look like? Where are you spending your time that is in alignment? What are you doing for your work or for that purpose movement? How much time do you spend there? How much time in your ideal day would you spend in alignment with each of your other values? And I can't tell you what your values are and how you spend your day, but what that looks like for me is about 40 % of my day is spent on my purpose. Motivated, purposeful, meaningful work. In that flow state, doing that. It's what I love. It livens me up. It energises me. It motivates me. It keeps me in my masculine driving forward. A decent portion of my day from there is spent with my family, with my son, with my wife. Connecting with them, being present with them, taking them on adventures, doing cool stuff. Then, my health. At the gym, in the sun, ice bath, sauna. recovery modalities that includes like a portion before bed with like eat one down, all that kind of stuff. And then growth. Part of that is creativity, but reading books or learning something new. And that's what my day looks like, but living in alignment with that. And so when I'm feeling stressed, I'm feeling frustrated and I can't pinpoint why. Harrison Orr (20:54.174) most of the time it's because I'm not in alignment with one of those values. I've stopped doing something and replaced it with shit that doesn't serve me. Stuff that keeps me busy but not productive or not aligned. And so I hope that's helpful. If you were feeling stuck, if you were feeling frustrated because you're working hard, you're making money, you're making all those sacrifices telling your partner and your kids, it's for the future, I'm doing this for us, I'm doing this for you, I'm doing this for my family, but you felt like you were losing them in the process? And that maybe even if you continued on that road... even if you made it successfully, financially and the business, that they may not even be there for it. They may not be there to enjoy it with you because they can only hold on for so long. They don't have that vision or whatever it is in your mind that keeps you going and they're just seeing the burnt out, frustrated, tired, disconnected dad and partner. Harrison Orr (22:03.16) then I hope this hits home. I hope this helps you to change. I hope some of those tools that I shared help you to identify where that misalignment is, what you can do about it. But ultimately, this is what I do with guys. This is the type of coaching that I help guys with is find that alignment, find that balance, find that style of life where they can still live in their purpose and be driven by their work or their passion or their purpose, their business, whatever it is. still be hyper successful in that without sacrificing their health, without sacrificing their relationship, without sacrificing their kids, and live in that sweet harmonious state. Obviously there's always balances in life, ebbs and flows, seasons, but finding that rhythm that's right for them that they can maintain for the long haul, that they can maintain year on, year out, and grow in every aspect. And so if that's interesting, you wanna have a chat if that's something that would be applicable to you, then you can find links in the show notes below this and we can have a chat, see if that works for you. Otherwise, I hope this has been helpful. Please, if you know someone with this trait, if you think this would resonate with one of your friends, maybe your partner, if you're a female listening, or somebody else that you think could really benefit from this, please, I would love it so much. if you could just share it with them so they can take the lessons so that they don't have to be stuck with that limiting belief that doesn't serve them as much as it used to. With that, you've got the tools, you've got the lesson. Don't be sorry, be better, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.