The Death of the Nice Guy: Why Doing Everything Right Is Making You Invisible l EP. 35 l

In this episode, I break down the Nice Guy persona — and why so many good men end up feeling frustrated, unseen, and disconnected despite doing everything "right." 

I dive deep into my own experiences and the patterns I’ve seen in the men I work with. We’re talking about approval addiction, emotional dishonesty, performance-based identity — and how these habits sabotage our relationships, kill attraction, and drain our sense of self-worth. 

I’ll also walk you through what it really looks like to evolve into a grounded, respected, and desired man — the kind of man your partner trusts, your kids admire, and you can be proud of.  

Here’s what I cover: 

• How being a Nice Guy is often a subtle form of manipulation
• Why emotional dishonesty leads to resentment and disconnection
• The real reason approval-seeking destroys confidence
• How performance identity warps your sense of self-worth
• Why setting boundaries is a sign of strength, not selfishness
• The role of emotional regulation in becoming a stable masculine presence
• What mature masculinity actually looks and feels like

 
🔥 Big Takeaways:
 

• Being the Nice Guy doesn’t make you safe — it makes you invisible
• Approval addiction is killing your power and presence
• Emotional honesty builds deeper trust than playing it nice
• Saying no in a grounded way earns respect
• You don’t need to perform to be worthy — just be real

 
Quotes to remember:
 

• “Kill the nice guy inside you.”
• “Being a nice guy is deceitful.”
• “Approval addiction weakens respect.”
• “Say no in a healthy way.”
• “Our worth is based on performance.”
• “Be the lighthouse in the storm.”
• “Being agreeable kills polarity.”

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Or if you want more personalised help to step out of the nice guy & into the masculine leader you're capable of faster,

Book a call HERE 

Transcript

If you've always thought being a nice guy was an admirable virtue, maybe you're starting to realize that that is potentially what's slowing you down, what's stopping you from getting what you want in life and you're ready to kill the nice guy inside you, then this episode is for you.

Harrison Orr (01:14.144)
Welcome back to another episode of the Be Better podcast. I'm your host, Harrison Orr. I've coached almost 500 guys personally to help them go from nice guys and inadequate in reaching their own potential to powerful, strong, living their highest potential, their highest self in business, in their marriage, as fathers, and just as the strong grounded masculine men that they desire to be. And I...

We'll most likely forever consider myself a recovering nice guy. Just like potentially where you are now, I used to think that it was desirable to be a nice guy. It was good to be agreeable, to say yes, to put other people first, to help everybody else, even at the detriment of yourself, because that creates good karma, right? If you say yes to everybody else, if you help everyone else out, then sooner or later they'll...

return the favor, right? They will come and help you. Good karma will pay itself back at work. If you're always the top employer, you get there early, you stay late, you never complain, you do your job, you go over and above, then surely the boss will give you a raise. Or if it's your business, surely the employees will stay around and stay loyal. Surely the clients will pay on time and will refer you more clients and business will go smoothly in your relationship.

If you say yes to everything that she wants and take as much off her plate as possible and try to make it so that she needs to do as little as possible, then surely she'll want to sleep with you more. She'll come and ravish you every day. She'll do anything that you ask and will never nag you and never complain and will just be the perfect wife that you've ever asked for. Or maybe with your kids. If you're liked by your kids, then

They'll behave, they'll respect you, they'll listen to you. They won't complain, they won't kick up a stink, they'll have tantrums, they'll make a mess. They'll just do what they ask. They'll use their manners, they'll say please and thank you and just listen the first time you ask.

Harrison Orr (03:29.118)
Unfortunately, both through personal experience and through the countless men that I've worked with and spoken to, that's not the case. Whilst it might seem logical that if you're nice, other people will return the favor. It's actually, and this is one of the first principles of why being a nice guy is not so desirable is because it's actually deceitful. It's actually a form of manipulation.

because what we're actually doing here, let's think about it, what we're actually doing. We're performing a deed, we're saying yes to someone, we're being nice with the unsaid expectation that they will do something in the future in return for us without us having to specify what it is or without them agreeing to the terms in the first place.

And so that's where this becomes not a nice trait. We say nice guys, but some of these traits aren't nice, they're manipulative. Because if we're doing something out of the premise that they will do something in return for us, well then it's not a nice gesture because we just wanna do it and we expect nothing in return. In our mind, we very much expect something in return. It might be the money, the clients, the sex.

the good behaviour, the good karma, whatever it is. But then, when that person doesn't return that favour or return or pay up on that unsaid expectation, what do we do? We get angry. We get resentful. We get frustrated.

And then what happens? We, because we're nice guys, we don't want to cause conflict. We don't know how to express our emotions. So this builds, builds inside of us. And then what happens? We start to get passive aggressive. We make remarks, we ghost them. We start doing rem- making snide remarks or doing not very nice things. And this person has no idea why. So it's actually not very nice.

Harrison Orr (05:50.238)
And so with this emotional dishonesty is what we could call it. We try to hide our frustration. We try to hide our anger. We try to hide these things because we want to avoid conflict. We want to avoid rejection because somewhere along the line we've learned that if we are angry or we're frustrated, if we express this to someone else, then they will reject us. They will push us away.

We will be cast out, we will be left alone, and we won't get what we want.

in my opinion, and from my personal experience, one of the reasons why I struggled for so long to navigate and express my emotions was because if someone expressed those emotions to me, I would take that as criticism. I would take that personally. I wouldn't know how to hold those emotions. And sure, that's part of my regulation as well, and also my ability to express.

those emotions, but how we first of all understand our emotions, where it's coming from, why it's there. And then also how we communicate that first of all to ourself and then to the person can be the difference between a constructive conversation and a blame game, which escalates into an argument, into a fight, into a huge blow up over nothing.

Harrison Orr (07:22.356)
And so that's one of the traits of the nice guy. The other one, which feeds into that yes man behavior, the lack of boundaries, the doing everything for everybody else is the approval and the validation from external people. Because we figure if I do all these things for other people and they approve of it,

They're like, yes, you did a great job, Harrison. Thank you so much. You're such a good helper. You're so helpful. You're so valuable. You're so this, you're so that. thank you. Keep telling me that. That builds up my ego. That builds up my self-worth, my validation. Keep going.

But the problem then is, if that person doesn't receive or see that act as we intended to, as being so worthy, as being valuable, as whatever, and they don't express that, then our self-worth goes down the toilet. Our validation doesn't get met. Our confidence, our self-worth, our self-belief, all go down the toilet.

because we've given other people that power. I've done this thing, I've poured my heart out, I've put time, energy, resources into this thing to make someone else happy with the unset expectation that they'll sleep with me, give me more money, approve of me, give me that validation. And then when it doesn't get met, I don't feel worthy. I get resentful, I get frustrated. Like I did all of this for you and you don't even appreciate it. You're so ungrateful, you're this, you're.

and we start to point the fingers. Because why? Because I've put this in front of you expecting you to validate me.

Harrison Orr (09:14.752)
because your validation and your approval of me is what I'm seeking because I don't have it for myself.

and then we lose confidence. We lose our self-belief and then we get frustrated at this person. Because we're seeking that from the external. And that's one of the reasons in marriage that women, that it reduces that polarity between the masculine and the feminine, the husband and the wife is because if we're constantly seeking that approval where

always cooking dinner, we're always doing the dishes, we're always picking the kids up, dropping the kids off, we do everything for her, we go out of our way, we stop our hobbies, we can't work early, we don't have our purpose, we're not aligned with ourselves, we do everything to appease our wife.

And then we don't get the validation or the respect because she's like, cool, I've just got, I don't really have a husband. I've just got a maid, a chauffeur, a cleaner, all in one, a PA, all in one that I don't have to pay or that I maybe give sex to every couple of months. Not a bad deal on her end, But if you're listening to this, I dare say that's not the kind of relationship that you want.

So being able to say no in a healthy and constructive way, we're not being assholes about it. And to be clear, sometimes we go so far the other way. And believe me, I did this. When I first started learning about these traits and the fact that I didn't have boundaries and I couldn't say no, and I was putting everybody else first, I definitely just like a pendulum swung so far the other way and started saying no to everyone. Was being very self-centered, very selfish in a...

Harrison Orr (11:08.35)
arrogant way because I hadn't learned that balance of not just how to keep my boundaries, but how to communicate them. Because if I haven't communicated my boundaries, if I haven't communicated this effectively, then it can come across very rude. And so it's not just setting those boundaries and being able to say no, but being able to articulate why.

So there's that clear line of communication is true on someone else understanding, that's where his boundary is. He will not cross that. If we just all of a sudden impose these boundaries and start saying no to everything, everyone's gonna think, what the hell just happened to him? What's going on in his life?

Harrison Orr (11:57.472)
And so the next belief around being a nice guy is the performance identity, is the belief that our worth is based off our performance, which for a lot of husbands and fathers comes under the umbrella of being a provider. I need to earn more money. I need to provide for my family. And let's be real, when we say provide for our family, we really mean financially.

It's never insinuated when we say be the provider that we talk about emotional security, safety, trust, stability, regulation, like any of those things we are talking about financially providing for the family. And so on the flip side of that, if I'm not earning enough money or the amount that I deem is worthy of me being the husband and the father to this family, then my self-worth.

is in alignment with that. I'm not worthy, I'm not enough, I need to grind harder. And that brings me back, actually, I was trying to think of the point where I wanted to go with this, that approval addiction, right? Saying yes to everyone and when they don't approve, our nice guy mentality isn't to rethink what we're doing, isn't to think maybe, you know what? Maybe this isn't her love language. Maybe she's not, she doesn't appreciate this the way that I do. Maybe...

I should try something different because this clearly isn't working. No, that would be too logical. What we do is we double down. We work even harder. We try and take even more off her plate. We try and do even more for people and ask even less of them in the hopes that surely if I do even more and I ask even less and I'm not a bother, I never complain, I never voice my emotions like I'm just a yes man through and through, surely, eventually.

They will see things my way. They will give me what I What I want, but I haven't said that I want in exchange for what I'm doing.

Harrison Orr (14:08.192)
Think about how unfair that is. How unfair would it be for your wife to, in her mind, make the agreement of, if I sleep with him every night, if I give him sex every night, then he needs to be making millions of dollars for our family. He needs to make enough money so that I never work.

She makes that commitment in her mind, doesn't tell you, starts sleeping with you, you think everything's good. And then you're not making the money that she expected. She still has to work. She still has to do things that in her mind, she thought she didn't have to now that she was giving you sex every night. And then so she starts getting passive aggressive. She starts making sny remarks, starts getting frustrated with you.

How confused would you be? Right? Not very fair, not great communication in that space.

And so I hope some of these traits are resonating with you because this is very much lived experience for me. So that's why I can talk about it like this. And going through this journey has been the most pivotal initiation into not just masculinity, but into manhood, into maturity, both emotional regulation in terms of my controlling myself. And I'm going to think of a better analogy one day because I

really think it gets overused, but you know, the difference between being the thermostat and the thermometer, the difference between being the regulator of the energy in the room and in the relationship as opposed to being the reactor to it, which is not safe, which is not predictable, which is uncertain. All the things that stop our woman from being in her feminine. Because if she can't trust us to hold our emotions, let alone her emotions, she can't trust us.

Harrison Orr (16:07.468)
she won't feel safe with us. And that's not even safety in terms of physical threat. You know, if you can't control your, you have angry outbursts and get physical and punch walls and throw things. Okay, we've now introduced a physical safety barrier that she may be concerned with. But even before that, there's the emotional safety of he can't control his emotion. So he can't handle mine. So I'm not free to.

express my emotions and be my true wildly chaotic in the best sexiest most feminine way possible. I can't give that to him because he can't handle it.

Harrison Orr (16:49.216)
And so that's where we want to, where personally I see we go deeper. We go deeper into our own control, our own regulation first, and then being able to hold the space, the energy, the chaos of those around us. One of the frames that I like to use, and I've been saying this since just before I became a dad, when I was thinking about the type of father that I wanted to be. And the label, the term that I came up with was

I wanted to be the stoic dad. I wanted to be, I want to be the lighthouse in the storm, right? The guy that is there no matter what's going on. Like my son can, know, when he, when he's a teenager, when he's older, can come home with just all out chaos, all out mayhem. And I'll be the safety. I'll be the one that remains composed. I'll be the one that can handle that.

so he can be free to express whatever he needs and knows that dad can hold it. Dad's gonna help me through this situation. And then as he gets older, be able to pass this onto him so he can then be the lighthouse in the storm for himself, his relationships, his family in the future. And then so you can see how holding that space and that energy then transfers into our relationships.

Like imagine if, you know, think about the last time you had an argument or your woman came to you with chaos or heightened emotions.

How did you handle it?

Harrison Orr (18:33.686)
Did you allow her emotions and her state to escalate yours? And then you respond out of that emotion?

Harrison Orr (18:45.344)
Because when our emotions go up, our logic goes down. And as men, we are very logical creatures. And even if we're stuck in our logic, a lot of the time as men, we're problem solvers. So we wanna jump in and solve.

many times women don't really want us to solve their problems. And I'll give you a quick hack here. And this has saved countless arguments in my relationship. My wife will come to me with a problem, with a situation, something that's got her frustrated, annoyed, irritated, whatever. Often nothing to do with me, right? Might be a client at work, one of her friends, family, whatever.

Harrison Orr (19:30.132)
Simply asking, do you want a solution or do you want to vent?

instantly gives me what I need to do, what she needs from me in this situation. Because if she just needs to vent, if she just needs to talk about what's on her mind, what's on her heart, like many females do, that's how they solve their problems. They just talk about like, you know what, I'm cool with it now. It's actually not that big a deal. I just needed to get that off my heart. I'm good now. If that's all she needs, and you then go into

Well, that's not right of her. Why don't you do this? Tell her to do this. Get her out, do this. You know, should fire her as a client too. Tell her this. You know, we're not standing for that. And you go into problem solving mode.

no matter how good your solution is, she is not gonna hear you. She's gonna feel like you don't listen to her. You do not hear her what she's trying to communicate. And so she'll get frustrated. And then what we do? We get frustrated because you're like, that's an easy fix. I just gave you the solution. Why aren't you listening to me? It's like what? And we don't understand.

If all she needs is to vent, kick up your feet, sit back, listen, be totally present, let her empty the tank. Everything that she's got, everything's on her mind, everything's in her heart, pour it out. I can handle it, babe, just tell me, what have you got? What's going on? What are you feeling?

Harrison Orr (21:05.065)
You will not need to do anything other than just listen to her and be present. I guarantee you at the end of that, she will feel infinitely more felt, more heard, more seen, more understood than you jumping in and trying to solve a problem.

On the flip side, if she says, yes, I would like a solution, beautiful. Do what you do best. Provide solutions, suggest, brainstorm it with her, whatever she fucking needs. But she has given you that permission.

So that's a side note, take that one away. That's how has saved countless arguments in my personal relationship since I started using that one. So back to being a nice guy. We think being agreeable is desirable, right? We think that if we agree with people that like us, we'll go with the flow, cool, not a bother. And it's a great strategy. It's not great because it kills polarity. It kills our masculine edge. It actually...

makes people lose trust in us. Because think about this way, if you have like your friends or even your partner and they say yes to everything, that's a great idea. I love that outfit on you. Yes, you should do this. Yes, you should do that. Yes. You know, like you were totally right. 100%.

At first, awesome, might stroke your ego, you might feel good about it. But then...

Harrison Orr (22:35.262)
Eventually, and you you might have to learn a lesson the hard way to figure this out. But eventually you'll realize, I can't trust what that person says. I can't trust that they're telling me what they really think, because they say yes to everything. Like, I don't want to be told yes, if my idea or my what I what I did or what I'm doing is absolutely fucking stupid. Please tell me.

Save me the millions of dollars, save me the heartaches, save me the pain, the frustration, the lesson, if you can see something that I can't.

Harrison Orr (23:12.064)
but we want to be nice instead of being kind. And what I mean by that is being nice is basically saving ourselves. We don't want to have that awkward conversation or, you know, have to let someone down or potentially hurt someone's feelings by saying, you know what, that's actually not a great idea, man. You probably shouldn't do that. Or you know what? You were in the wrong here. That was not cool. Shouldn't have done that.

Harrison Orr (23:37.632)
We just want to save ourself and not have to have that conversation. Even though in the longer term, that person is gonna thank us for that honesty. Because then they'll know, cool, I can trust him to be honest with me and tell me what he really thinks. I can trust him that if I'm doing something wrong, if I'm not saying something in life, if I'm about to make a decision that he's actually going to say something if he says it that I don't.

Harrison Orr (24:10.41)
And so that happens in our relationships as well.

Your woman will try and bait you. Do I look fat in this? What do you think of this hairstyle or this color? If you say yes to everything, she's not going to, she will use you to stroke her ego, but she'll know that she can't trust you to tell her what you really think. And that's just surface level. Imagine when you're trying to have a conversation about deeper feelings and she can't trust to know that you will tell her what you really feel.

That's a difficult spot to be in.

because that polarity in our relationships, the difference between the masculine and the feminine relies on tension. If we become a yes man and we go so far towards the feminine that we don't have, we're not in control, we don't have direction, we're not decisive, we're not grounded in what we're doing, we're not that stability. We come so far to the feminine that well, she's not getting the masculine from us. So she has to come out of her feminine

into the masculine to lead, to make decisions, to initiate things. Like how often do you wait for your wife to initiate sex? Like, I want her to come to me. I want her to, I want to feel desired. I don't want to be the one instigating it all the time, pushing on her. I don't want to feel like she's just giving it to me because you know, to make me shut up.

Harrison Orr (25:37.76)
going to our feminine, forcing her to go to her masculine. And so when we're both in this midpoint, we now have no tension, no difference. We've become roommates. We've become, we've plateaued in that relationship, in our differences. Cause we are not so different anymore. We're the same.

The man that constantly seeks to please weakens that respect and weakens that attraction because he's doing things with that frame of, I'm doing this so that she'll sleep with me. I'll do this so she'll stop nagging. I'll do this so that she will like me, so that she'll stay with me, so that she, whatever the favor is that you're wanting, instead of that energy of, I'm doing this because I fucking want to. I'm taking her out to dinner because I want to take her out to dinner.

because that's the man that I want to be. That's what I want to do. That's the energy that I'm coming to this with. And so some of the behaviors that you do may not be bad. I don't want to say bad behaviors, but like may not be detrimental to your relationship, but it's the energy in which they are done with. If we're doing things with the energy that I'm doing this because it's what I want to do. It aligns with my values. It aligns with my purpose. It aligns with the man that I want to be beautiful. If that improve, if that's

makes your wife's and your family's life easier, awesome. If that's like affects them positively, beautiful. But it's not the main driver. There's no expectation of if I'm doing this, then I get this in return.

Harrison Orr (27:18.688)
when we're in business, this agreeableness, this lack of leadership basically, because we're asking other people to lead and we just agree. We kind of outsource our decision making, we outsource basically everything. Part of that as well is also not wanting to take risks, not wanting to take ownership as well. Because if we take a risk, if we make a decision, at the end of the day, if it doesn't pan out, then we have to blame ourselves, right?

Because we made the decision, we took the action, we took the risk, we did the thing. We have to own it. I made the wrong decision. I fucked up. Didn't do my research, picked the wrong person, backed the wrong team, whatever it is.

And so again, comes to a lack of confidence, a lack of self belief, a lack of leadership and ownership of ourself. So we try and outsource that.

Harrison Orr (28:18.464)
you might go into, you know, other people use the labels and the terms like, I'm a perfectionist. I'm this, I'm that. Whatever your labels are probably don't really serve you unless it's helped you to do something about it and improve slapping a late, an extra label on yourself. Like, I'm ADHD. I'm a perfectionist. I'm just this. I'm just that probably doesn't, I've never met a person where having those labels and identifying as them.

has actually served them in any positive way.

Harrison Orr (28:54.57)
And so if you're always looking to...

for other people to approve of you. In your marriage, if you're looking for your wife to approve of you, if you're looking for, you know, her to reward you with things that you've done with sex or by her cooking you dinner or by her giving you the afternoon off the kids or whatever it is. If you're seeking that approval in terms of the kids, then you know, you're wanting to be liked. You don't want to discipline them. You don't want to have that boundary because you want them to be liked. Every time we do that,

we're asking to be liked over respected. And men inherently, at least statistically, would prefer to be respected rather than loved.

and women would rather be loved than respected.

Harrison Orr (29:47.98)
So even for your woman, if she thinks that, you know, she's doing all these things because she loves you, but she's undermining you subconsciously by outsourcing certain tasks around the house, by just taking action on things that you said you would, but you haven't and doing all these things, subconsciously showing that she doesn't really respect you, then you feel disconnected. You feel frustrated, feel annoyed, and you can't quite pinpoint it.

On a logical level, know, like, okay, cool. Thank you. You called the gardener.

when I said I would, I hadn't got around to it because of whatever story I tell myself, that's just something that needed to be done for the household. I appreciate that. But if that triggers you, subconsciously that saying that you're inadequate, that you cannot be trusted to follow through on what you said you were gonna do. So she has to step up and do it.

whatever other self beliefs that you have about yourself that has now challenged. Maybe you're not capable. Maybe you're not enough. Whatever that wound or that self belief is that gets triggered. And so this is where we want to, in my opinion, and what's massively helped me is moving away from that. First of all, recognizing some of those traits. Okay, I can recognize that all these traits have been, and this framework I've been running has not been serving me.

I'm not going to go into where all these things come from. That's a later podcast. Um, if, if at all, I don't think it's even necessary for most people to understand, but we're here, recognizing all those traits haven't got us the results that we wanted. Now, what do we do about it? Where do we want to go from here? First of all, having a regulated nervous system is the foundation for making any change in life. If we have these repeated behaviors in

Harrison Orr (31:40.542)
anywhere in life, if we're trying to make them from a highly stimulated, stressed out, sleep deprived, poor health state, it's going to take a hell of a lot longer. Because think about how you respond to some of these situations, how you make the decisions, how you react. It's like that. Right? It's something that you're not even consciously think about, you just instantly respond a certain way, you instantly react.

That's because our nervous system is on fight or flight mode. We're highly stressed. We're operating out of that same system, which has kept us alive. Not desirable situation for optimal business relationships or anything else like that, but it's kept us alive. And that's the purpose of that system. When we improve the health of our nervous system, so we've reduced that stimulation, we have a calmer state. We're more often in that rest and digest state. We're able to be present in our body in that moment.

It provides us that opportunity of when something is coming to us, something that would usually trigger us. Maybe it's a word, it's a situation, it's an energy that's coming at us from a person, from our partner, from a kid, from someone at work. We're able to stop, breathe, pivot. Because there'll be that feeling that arises, that inclination to react, to handle things the way that you always have in the past, which is maybe to say yes.

without even thinking about it, maybe to bite their head off and get reactive. But in that moment you can think, how do I want to handle this? If they're asking you to do something.

Beautiful. Let me check my calendar. Buys you some time to think about if you really want to do it, if you really want to commit to it. then logistically you can look at your calendar to say, you know what, I actually don't have capacity for this right now.

Harrison Orr (33:36.072)
If it's your wife asking something of you, you can breathe. What is she really trying to communicate here? What does she really need from me?

Harrison Orr (33:45.526)
breathe, give yourself a couple of seconds and then respond. And then we're slowly changing how we do things until we get to the point where our default response is that calm, is that certainty. And through those actions is when our wife and our kids and the people around us start to build that trust in us, that certainty and safety with us, because we've provided that space. See, we're not asking our wife to just

Why don't you feel safe around me? Why can't you trust me? Why can't you respect me? Like, just do it. Like, you know, that's a you thing that you don't trust me. No. It's the space that we've created. It's like me saying, you can be honest with me. Come on, I can handle it. Just be honest. Just tell me what you really feel, what you're really thinking. But in the past, last time you've done that, I lost my shit. I got angry, I got frustrated, it turned into an argument.

Subconsciously, they're gonna say, well cool, don't be that honest. Be a little bit, but don't be that honest, because we know how that pans out.

So eventually they need to test you. Be a little bit more honest. Can he handle it? Okay, cool. He didn't lose his shit. He stayed calm. Awesome. A little bit more, a little bit more until you can handle the whole thing. And then she can relax into, into you. She can fully lean back into her feminine and unleash whatever it is she got. She's got knowing that you can handle it and keep, I want to frame this because I can feel some people taking this as, I need to be the emotional punching bag.

Like that sounds very beta model, that's not masculine like that. No, no, no, no, no. You are not the emotional punching bag.

Harrison Orr (35:35.99)
We are understanding this and to be clear, I'm not talking about people that have narcissistic wives or any of those things. Personally, unless they are diagnosed with stuff, I don't think it serves us to label our partners as those things, right? Everybody has certain traits. Either you're working together with each other to get to the ideal relationship and life that you guys want to have, or you're on opposite sides of the team and it's a finite time.

until you separate. Either way, we're talking about ownership of your state and what you contribute to the situation. So not talking about her, right? Where the big assumption here is that you are both on the same team. Neither of you are personally attacking each other. You're here for the same thing. You still love each other. We're not out to get each other, right? We're here to make each other better. So.

part of holding that is then she can trust. Okay, no, he can, he can handle that chaos, that wildness. So now when it comes to intimacy and sex, she can go crazy. She can be wild as hell because she knows that you can handle it.

But that's only the afterthought, not even a thought for her, but the after consequence when she knows that you can handle anything that she can throw at you because you're calm, you're grounded, you're stoic and powerful in yourself. And it emits that energy that you can hold that.

because now you're creating safety through strength, not through submission. You're not submitting to her emotions and her desires. You're creating strength in what you know is true and the energy that you can hold. You're leading with calm grounded presence, not performance, perfectionism, yes men traits. You're embodying the man, the husband, the father, the person, the rock, the lighthouse that demands that respect.

Harrison Orr (37:42.428)
not just the one that you think people want. You know, she will want this kind of man or she would want me to say this right now or they would want this from me. Like you end up being a chameleon and when you stand for nothing, you fall for everything and then no one can trust you.

Harrison Orr (38:01.824)
And so that's a bit of that transition piece out of becoming for out out of that no man boy, immature masculine psychology, slowly transitioning into what we term as like the mature masculine, where you can hold that. We let down those masks, we hold that power, we hold that energy, we hold all those things.

Harrison Orr (38:25.982)
And so that's just a glimpse of that story. I hope some of this has resonated with you. And if it has, if you're not already, you can join my 90 second email club, is just emails digestible in 90 seconds or less with short, concise messages, truce tools to help you get out of the nice guy into the mature masculine man. So you can be the powerful grounded leader, husband, father.

that you desire to be. So you can join that link below. If you're like, man, that's not going to be enough. I want to do more personal work on this. There's also a link down there for the one-to-one coaching. You can apply for that. We can have a chat. If that's groovy, beautiful. Otherwise there might be some resources there that can help you in the meantime. Or if there's someone that you know might benefit from hearing this, send it their way. Cause the more guys that we can get out of this nice guy syndrome, the more masculine, powerful men we can create, the more powerful, strong sons.

we can create then as a generation of stronger, more masculine men. With that said, you've got the info, you've got the lesson, you've got the knowledge. Don't be sorry, be better. I'll see you next episode.