Getting Unstuck Part III | Unpacking Mental Health

In Part III of the "Getting Unstuck" series, Alec and Brooke Page-Thompson dive into the nuances of mental health. Explore its impact on personal growth, workplace dynamics, and strategies to foster resilience and well-being in a fast-paced world.

Transcript

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Hello, hello, Brooke, I am seeing that we are officially live on my second screen here on this wonderful Tuesday a week, a week before Christmas Eve, a week before the holiday, two weeks before we go into 2025 which I know all of that is going to come up in our conversation today. I know we'll talk a little bit about holidays, and we'll talk a little bit about, I'm going to bring up new year's resolutions, and we're going to talk about, you know, what mental health means in the workforce, as an employee, as an employer, and how we can respond to it. And I know there's a lot going on, and we're just reaching the top of the hour, and I see 3456789, 10 people joining the call right now. So as you are joining, just know you are in the right place. This is our third episode of getting unstuck. This this series that we have done over the last five or six months now, which you can also listen to on the SCORR cast, on Spotify, on SCORR marketing's website. You can find it on Brooks page, on my page, really anywhere that you can listen to audio. You could find versions one and two. But today's conversation, we're going to focus a little bit more. You know about the pressure, I think Brooke, that people are under and feeling around the holidays, the pressure that people are feeling at at work. You know, I joke all the time. We're in q1 at SCORR right now. Others are in q4 there's a lot going on before the end of the year. And I think we're going to talk about whether you're an employee that you're looking for, you know, actionable advice, or if you're an employer looking for how to handle kind of the team relationship and individuals relationships going into the new year. We're going to kind of cover all of that. And I think as people are joining, let us know where you're watching from and and you know how you're feeling going into this. But just one more reminder before we kick it off, that this is an open conversation. So this will be recorded. It'll be on LinkedIn forever. It'll be on the Spotify podcast, wherever you get them, but also we are live right now. So if you have comments or questions, certainly for Brooke, I will also try to answer them. But if you have any questions for Brooke, she is the best and can answer them for us as well. Brooke, that was a longer intro than I wanted it to be, but I'm kind of excited. I've been looking forward to this one. I know we wanted to have a little bit of a preface before we started, and I think I'm going to, I'll start the preface, but I'm going to toss it to you for the longer version of the setup for today's conversation. But I think just to say on my end, you know, I think it's really important that I am by no means a mental health expert. I am not a therapist. I study in this way. What I can say is that I have gone through a very adventurous journey over the last decade in this space. And you know, I feel like every time we have this conversation, the feedback, the questions, the concerns, the commentary around it are at an all time high, and it's something that everybody is dealing with. And so us having this conversation, you know, I think it's really important, and I think it's great, but do want to preface that on my side and kind of give you the opportunity to set the lay of the land before, before we dive in today, sure, and I will echo it, Alec, that I am not either a mental health professional or a doctor of any kind. So you know if, if that is in your practice, and you do have people in your crew that you do rely on the are medically trained, please continue to talk to them. This is really more about mindsets and concepts on what drives mental health. What does it actually mean? We're going to set the stage a little bit on giving you a definition of what mental health actually means. So if you were to Google it. It basically is a person's condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well being. And when we teed this up last week, when we're getting ready, you know, the the question I asked was, What is well being? Right? It's not just that mental health is a psychological and emotional component. It's all about this emotional well being that we have. And so if we really hone in on this topic of well being, it's a state of being comfortable, happy or healthy. And that's really what we want to talk about today. Is this idea of well being, being comfortable, happy and. Healthy, and what does that actually mean to each individual? That's part of this discussion, because we're all needing something different in the moment, and these should be easy things, right? Yeah, and, and I'm so glad that we start with that comfortable, happy and healthy, because I think it's also really important to call out, you know, anytime mental health comes up in the workforce, in the environment that we're in today, there is, for whatever reason, you know, a stigma against it, and there is concern, and there is, you know, tip toeing around it. And I kind of joke to you. I think it's in one of our last calls that, you know, I put in all caps when I have therapy, I put all caps therapy, like, don't schedule over, but I want everybody to see it on my calendar. Because I think again, as we're talking about this from the employee lens, it's one thing in terms of understanding what that means to you as a person and as a professional and understanding what you need. But on the other end, as an employer, this is not a negative thing, right? And I think there are a lot of employers for history right, for right or wrong, just with the knowledge that we have and the way it's talked about, that view if an employee is talking about mental health, that there is concern, there is concern that's going to come back to we're making them work too much. They're stressed. Are they going to leave? Are they burnt out? When, in reality, if we can look at it as these three areas, comfort, happiness, health, it simplifies it in a way, and it allows us to have more tangible conversations and provide the support that's that is needed for ourselves and for our teams and, you know, essentially, for the company as well. And I think it's a really interesting nuance, you know, as the employee advocate that I am, and the individual advocate, but also seeing that all of this is the lens to the employer too, it is. And I'm just being reminded of something I saw I don't remember on Facebook, or it was some some posts that someone made, this is back in October, and they were like, don't make fun of or judge people that put their Christmas trees up early, yeah, yeah, because it may just be the thing that brings them a glimmer of joy, yeah? And it reminds me of the workplace in general, where, when you talk to executive teams about mental health, like they want to run from that topic like the plague, yeah? Because that was stuff you didn't talk about years ago, right? You didn't bring up mental health in the workplace, because your job was your job, and your home life was your home life, and and they they really weren't taught even at home to talk about this kind of stuff. And now we have a workforce in or a generation in the workforce, where, just like you, they've been taught it's okay to talk about your mental state of being right. It's okay to bring this up with your parents want to know how you emotionally are, and they take investment in that. And now that's that's feeding into the workforce. And a lot of leaders are like, where's the where's the boundary I need to draw here, because I'm not a therapist, but I do want people to have good well being in the workforce. So what can I talk about? What can't I talk about, how much flexibility do I give someone that loves to put up Christmas trees. Can I? Can they have one in their office, right on calls where people can see it? Is that okay, that's that's like small stuff that we have to start talking about, but this concept of comfort, happiness and health, right? What makes people happy is these little glimmers of things that happen throughout their day or time of year that makes them really excited for things that if we start to try to take that away and put it into a box, then they're like, Well, what? What's the point? Right? Like, life is already hard. Can I not have one thing that brings me joy? And I know we're going to get into this a little bit more, but I I talk a lot about finding things that bring you joy. We talked about it last time on building boundaries. Boundaries are healthy when they're designed to help do the things that bring you joy. And this is just a another lens to look at this through. Of the reason we want to do that is because joy triggers the happy emotions in the brain, right? We get serotonin hits. We get the dopamine hits that we need it in the sense of peace and love, and you look at the world differently because you're finding joy in the heart. Hard, and we don't, we don't really allow space for that. So I'm gonna stop and we feel guilty about doing you do, right? And, you know, I think it's interesting. We've got a handful of people, and now, you know, watching in from Portland and San Diego, Omaha, Kansas City. We've got John out in West Chester, Pennsylvania, Alyssa over at Highlands Ranch, Colorado, who says that she needs to come down to one of your yoga classes at some point. And I, I completely agree with that. And it's interesting. And the reason I bring up those, those locations, even, is every person is going through different seasons, literally, and, you know, emotionally, mentally, all of that. And I hinted at kind of the end of year and the holiday and the quarters. And I think one of the things that a lot of people struggle with is being busy, right? And, you know, you ask somebody how they're doing two weeks before the holiday at q4 when you're trying to hit numbers or q1 and you're trying to start the year off right? And it's like, well, it's just it's a hectic time, you know, we've got q4 numbers are due, and we've got q1 expectations, and we've got planning, and then holiday, it's like, okay, well, that's just the way it goes in the holidays. And then it'll be January, and we'll have the same thing about q1 and then it'll be April, and we'll have the same thing because we're not tracking for q2 and we're always in this state of constant movement and constant busyness, and that's why, you know, when we kind of talked about the comfort lens, and you know, you brought up the setting up the Christmas tree, it just made me, it made me smile a little bit, because you Always think about these grandiose things when it comes to mental health, and like employers, I think also think about them in this huge way where it is, oh my gosh, that person's going to quit or I have to do something drastic to help them. And more often than not, it's this list of small things that can happen on a day to day basis, be it, you know, taking a walk, be it having your favorite latte, be it, you know, cooking that can add to the comfort, to the happiness, to the health. And we will go weeks at a time when we're busy. And if you look back and say, what are the things that bring me that, and I haven't done done it one time, and I have completely neglected all of that, and my work isn't as good because I've neglected all of that. And I think looking at it in kind of these, like micro moments is something that we can all do a little bit better at as well. Yeah, and and thinking about things that bring you comfort. Yeah, right, everyone defaults to what's food of some kind. Maybe that's true, but comfort I just showed you. I just got a new chair, right? Like that, that, to me, is comfort, and it makes me happy and and it probably is going to make me healthier, because my back is going to feel better when I get out of it, right? Yeah. So it's, it's things like a chair or a nice journal, right? That we people, I don't know if we've, if a lot of you've gotten away from this, but touch is so powerful. And for those of you that read digital books, I'll bet if you picked up a paper copy like this, sense of, oh, what's in here starts to come alive, because there's magic in those papers, right? There's words that have been written, whereas on a screen, it's fine, right? I know we're all trying to conserve paper, but there are little things that we can do differently, that we know brought us joy when we were a teenager, right? A lot of us default back to those kinds of things. And I think about like, to your point of being busy. Whenever I ask people the question of, like, did you just take a break this weekend, or were you just scheduled the entire time? Like, I don't have time for a break. I have this Christmas party, and I have to make cookies, and I have family coming, and I got gifts to wrap and and they got work on top of that. And it's like, well, what's your favorite Christmas movie? And everybody always has one. Yeah, right. And it's like, well, have you watched it yet? No, like, I don't have time for that. And it's like, if you would just pause and put some time on your weekend to say I'm going to do nothing for two hours. I'm going to put on my favorite hoodie, the one that your wife hates, yeah, like, but my favorite hoodie a pair of pants that don't fit, they're too big and that I just absolutely love, and my favorite socks. I'm going to sit on my couch. I'm going to watch one of my favorite Christmas movies, and even if it's for this short moment in time, you've now created a neural pathway in the brain that's remembering what joy, what comfort, what health looks like for you because we gave it space with the things that bring us comfort. Mm. I, I love that, and I it does it. I'm going to have to ask some tough questions here, Brooke, because what I think about that, you know, I talked about this and one of the boundary ones, and you mentioned it, doing things that you enjoyed as a kid, that brought you joy as a kid. And I had not played a video game for like, a decade, until this past year, when they came back with an NCAA football game. And I played it a lot, like, for like, two weekends, and I just completely abandoned it, you know, for the last five months, and maybe a couple weeks ago, I got into this real habit of cooking, and then after dinner, I would just go and play like, for 27 minutes. And for like, 27 minutes, I was like, Ah, this is great. Like I feel. And I would just, I would, like, have a real like, I'm just going to shut it down, but it was going to give me this, this like, nibble of comfort and joy of like me feeling like nostalgic too. And it has been a it has been a really interesting thing to pair with, like cooking and and that brings me happiness, and that also brings me, you know, joy and health, right? All, all of those things can come from that. Now, the question that I'm going to ask you has to deal with a little bit of a future conversation that we'll have today about shame cycles, and we've talked about this from Daring Greatly and just that process of if you choose joy, let's say on a weekend you decide to do that, or you decided to get social time. This week, this past weekend, I saw gladiator two and was great, and watched the Nebraska volleyball game with some some friends, and, you know, it's great. And then Monday comes, and it's like shit. I was too lax this weekend. Maybe I could have done something else. And now I pull back a moment from three weeks ago, and now I pull back a moment from six weeks ago, and now I'm looking at six months ahead. Are you going to do that? Like, are we going to reach the thing? So how do we separate? Or how do we work through and if you want to explain shame cycles in a little bit more detail, please do but the thought process of okay, choosing these moments of joy without feeling guilt about them, choosing these moments of comfort without it leading to kind of that shame cycle, shame spiral that I know every person I talk to goes through, especially in the B to B world, and certainly what I've heard in the in the life sciences too. So I'm gonna challenge your question with a question, oh, who is asking the question or claiming the statement in your head that you should have done something different than what you did? That's a hell of a question. Um, wow, maybe, maybe the most negative version of myself or of an individual is asking that, you know, I think literally, it is. It is upon pressure that I've probably put, or an individual would would probably put, but I think it comes back to not only the negative, but like the guilt side of it is a large aspect of that. So it's a it's a great question to ask yourself when it comes up, because I used to do exactly what you did, yeah, for years, because and I, I love my family. I love my dad to death. You've met my dad such a phenomenal human but my dad grew up in an era where you weren't idle, and so as a kid, if if you slept in later, or if you weren't busy doing something, there was this chatter of, well, you're lazy or you're not right. It wasn't spoken, but it was inherent in the moment, and that, I think a lot of times, is what comes with us into adulthood, is these preconditioned comments or patterns or ways of believing or or living that we were exposed to younger or in high school or in college, that now we think that there is a societal expectation that we are supposed to perform, do and be more all the time. And if you remove the layer of the societal part and you think about what is well being comfort. It's being happy and it's being healthy. So does it matter if your fence needs to be painted and you just choose not to do it because you do something else? Who does that impact you? So you're you're making conscious choices of how you want to spend your time, and rather than getting stuck in the loop of shame cycling, because that shame cycle is coming from somewhere subconsciously within you that something different was supposed to happen. And Brene Brown wrote, she's a great researcher on shame and emotion, but really shame and vulnerability. And she wrote this book, if you haven't read it and you do notice yourself, shame cycling, daring greatly, is beautiful book, and shame cycling is imagine like a tornado funnel, right? It's this. It's really big at the top, and it gets really granular down towards the bottom. Well, if you imagine that as your brain, when we feel guilt or shame or anger about something, and we start looping through all the things we could have done, the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, yeah, right. Or the voice of someone who had a high expectation of you when you were younger comes back into play, and now we have created a vortex of stories and information that just loop round and round and round and round. And it's, it's called shame cycling, where the more the more the loop continues, the more you hyper fixate on some thing within the loop. And that's that bottom of the funnel, right where. Now, I don't know if you've ever been here Alec, but I've been so consumed with a shame cycle on one thing that it consumed me for days. And once I read this book and I started to recognize what were the triggers and patterns that were happening that caused me to shame cycle, I really had to ask myself the question Is it, does it matter to me, or does it matter to something that I think I have to achieve? Yeah, that I didn't put in my world, that someone else did. Can I live with this cycle like, isn't it, isn't it better, Alec, to play the video game and just go somewhere, yeah, than it is to, like, judge yourself or have shame or anger about, oh, gosh, I shouldn't have watched that volleyball game this weekend. I should have done something else. And it's why? Why? Why? Why? In the future, after the after the events happened, which, by the way, the past doesn't exist. The past doesn't exist. All that exists from the past are the fragments of the memories that you have of what took place. The future doesn't exist. What does exist of the future are the fragments of information that you are projecting into the future. All that matters is what's happening right here. So if I'm choosing in this moment to prioritize well being, and I want to do something that brings me comfort, rather than questioning what, what is the impact going to be to future self, or what would past self have done? Just say, what? It doesn't matter. Those two selves don't exist. Don't exist right now. Yeah, what? What do I need right now. And when you make the decision to prioritize it, don't, don't judge it while you're in the middle of it. Yeah, that is the thief of joy. We steal it from ourselves all the time. I I'm like taking so many notes right now, one to come back to two for myself, just to take with me. I know, I know you're not prescribing care, but the the loop of shame cycling and the thief of joy in the past not existing. And I think it's, you know, one of the things that we've talked about on this before is the passage of time, right? And that's really all this boils down to, is, how do we decide to spend the passage of time? And I think it was actually Jackie, who was listening to one of our previous episodes that had shared that comment about that comparison is the thief of joy. But when you when you re said that, and I was thinking back to Jackie's commentary on that, and one of the first episodes, it kind of made me think about more often than not, though the comparison or the judgment is coming from inside the house. It's not it's not somebody else that's doing it. They're in their own world. Well, it is, it is ourselves. We are doing that. And you know, the only person that's in charge of stopping that is also inside the house, and that's you. And so I think, you know, as we talk about those things, I know one of the things that we wanted to leave people with today, and we're not done, and have a lot a lot more to discuss, but is kind of that understanding of what brings you comfort, what brings you happiness, what brings you health, what does make you feel good? Like, I think, even taking it to that next level and like, when do you judge yourself the harshest, and be really honest about that? Because I know the answer to that question, and being able to understand why is the next step in your own kind of evolution here, as we move forward into to 2025 and I would, I would also, because this came as we were talking earlier today on this concept of the things that maybe bring you comfort from when you were a kid. I think we oftentimes think that because we're an adult, our physical form has grown into this adult version, and we're a certain age and we have a certain title and a job that the child within you has doesn't exist anymore. Yeah. And if you could really tap back into that and say, Hey, what? What are some things that used to really bring me joy, coloring like I don't know if this, I love to do this on retreats with people when we do like zentangles and stuff, but I'll get everybody a box of crayons, and I tell them all I can't open them right until we say, go. And then everybody grabs their crayons, and they open the box. What's the first thing they do? I don't Oh, smell them. Smell them interesting. Because crayons, you remember how crayons I do? Yeah, yeah, right, when you said it, it, it brought back something. For me, it triggered something in your brain like a positive reaction, right? And then imagine you're not the only kid in the house. How often did you have your own box of crayons? Yeah. And when we say you don't have to share these with anybody, like the smiles are just massive for something as cheap as $1.50 box of 18 crayons, yeah, right. And, you know, and even if you don't have something to color and you just have a piece of paper, there's something about holding it and drawing something with doodling a little bit, yeah, with it keeping the box on your desk. I just want to encourage people to think like just because you're an adult, doesn't mean that you can't still do the things that you did as a kid that brought you joy. Yeah? Legos. We were talking about this at velocity, people were like, Oh my gosh, I haven't done Legos in forever. I'm guessing some people are going to go buy Legos for Christmas. Yeah? And I think I told you this when we were talking last week like I've made a decision that I really want, I got a really nice basket. Yeah, I have a favorite bath store called Lush. If you've not been to lush, there's one all over but there's one in Omaha Alec that you should take your wife to. It's okay, West Point, the big mall out west on, like, okay, yes, yeah, yeah, there's a Lush store in there, and they do, like, bath bombs, and they're just, it's great stuff. I have bought enough bath bombs to fill a basket, and it is next to my bathtub. And I love this so much joy, even if I don't take a bath that week, there's comfort in knowing that when I'm ready to do that, I have a whole basket of bath bombs. It's there, whichever one that I want. I might hang up today when we stop recording for this podcast episode and go and do that. And it seemed to, you know, it's interesting. We have a couple of comments. Amanda had said about the books, always a paper copy kind of reader, because you have that, like the actual feeling of flipping through and it's a trophy once you finish it. And Hayden had said, you know, coloring calm, video games, Legos. All big, big fans of that. And then Abby said that she used to teach pre K Special Ed and art projects were favorite, because she also got to do a little fun, artsy craftsy things too. And then a plus one for for Lush. And I think it's so if you went around a room and asked everybody, like, what's one little thing like that that would bring you joy in in a day to me like again, I'm thinking I might do this with my team, you know, asking that type of a question on a Thursday and then saying, okay, hey, from four o'clock until five o'clock tomorrow, from two o'clock until five. Five, like, you don't have to do anything tomorrow afternoon. Go do that. Like, go do that specific thing. Because again, and, and I, I'm pulling this back just a little bit, because we've talked about so many interesting things in 30 minutes. And I think that if you were listening to this, you might just be like, God, Brooke and Alec like hanging out, which is true if you're listening Brooke and Alec do like hanging out, and this is a lot of fun for us, but there's so much in here at the individual level and at the team level, like the shame spirals, the shame cycles, like go understanding and recognizing, you know, when team members are going through that, and how to help team members out of it, how to approach somebody that, you know is having a tough couple of weeks and they're putting the stress and they're starting to get more agitated by little things that aren't necessarily usually agitating. You know, there are things where, again, like, you can't say, hey, take a month off, but hey on a Friday afternoon, on a Thursday afternoon, like there's times to find these little things that, to me, would go a long way as an individual. You know, somebody asked me that question and then said, Hey, why don't you just go do that tomorrow and we'll be okay to start next week. That would be a total like that would reset my mind and the way that I certainly approach things. Yeah, like it. So we just wrapped up our first 200 hour Teacher Training Program at the yoga studio. That's all that. So exciting, so cool. But we normally started on Saturdays at eight o'clock, so we go eight to four every Saturday, and this Saturday, we didn't have as much time that we needed to fill because we were towards the end of our 200 hours. So I was like, let's start at nine o'clock, that one hour. I got more feedback from the teachers that that felt like Christmas, yeah, to have the extra hour to sleep in, or have an extra cup of coffee with their pets or their spouse or whatever, and and it was just a reminder, like, as a leader, you can provide opportunity and space for people that it seems really small, but these like, take the Friday afternoon and go do what bring makes you happy, come in an hour late tomorrow. Like people, they start to realize, Oh, wow. What? What What would I and then ask them the question, what would you fill the time with if I get to you? Yeah, right. And if they say, Oh, I have work project to to, you know, work on Satan. No, that's the wrong response, yeah, yeah, right. What? What's something you can fill in that would make your day better? Start your day better, yeah? And they just get into this different mindset. And there's, there's a couple things that we do in one of our programs, at velocity, in our change management program, okay, around this kind of stuff, where leaders oftentimes are confronting teams that have undergone a lot of change fatigue. And change fatigue is obviously a lot of brain science, right? If the amygdala is quote, unquote, hijacked, it's very hard for you to adapt to change. It's very hard for you to see clearly the amygdala is what gets hijacked when we shame cycle, yep, right? And then you get stuck in the amygdala, and you can't go to the prefrontal cortex, which is your decision making capability, right? It's the CEO of the brain. And so if our amygdala is activated, oftentimes, people like see red, right? They can't, they can't see beyond the current moment, because they're just so stuck in their head. So something we equip leaders to do is say you you can ask people really simple questions, right again, we're not prescribing therapy, we're not doctors, but we're asking things like, hey, what? What is it that you're feeling with what you're experiencing right now? Or tell me about a time that maybe was similar to this, and why this feels like it's triggering the same thing, and give them space to process. We talk a lot about the birds. Doves, in particular, have a very hard time communicating that's s. If you're a disc fan, that's the s on disc. They have a very hard time communicating what they're thinking or feeling, because they are very introvert into their own person, but they often aren't self aware enough to know what's going on, and so sometimes just asking the simple question of, hey, what are you okay? Giving them space to process it is helpful, but there's a question we always encourage at the end, if you're going to ask these questions, what you end with is, okay. We've just gone through all the bad stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's one positive thing that you can do, or you can think of to make this situation better, and if they can't answer it? So you take the day, take the night, take the week, think about it. But I want to talk about. What's the positive that could come from this? And it's it's allowing space for there to be the the the negative side, but we're trying to reframe it to be positive, positive, yeah, and that that is a lot of what I do believe mental health really is about, is helping people move out of this negative cycle, because a lot of people are there right now. Yeah, everything's wrong. It's all being done to me. I have no control. I The world is on fire, and I have, can't do anything about it. You know, I the election was just, it was what it was, right? And people are so stuck in this, like, a black out, yeah, yeah, you feel like you're drowning a little bit, right? And then you ask the question, hey, what's one? What's one fun thing you're going to do over the break? And they're like, I'm not going to have fun because I gotta spend time with my family. Okay, well, hold on, what's one fun thing you're going to do over the break for you? Yeah, for you. And if they don't know, be like, I really challenge you as your leader, to think about what's a fun thing you can do for yourself. So when you come back after the holiday, if you're taking time off, you come back refreshed, ready to jump start January. Whether you're in the middle of q1 or you're starting q1 right, there are some simple things that you can start to nip at the negativity part of it and say, Okay, let's flip the script, yeah, how do we make this positive? Yeah, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. And I, we had a team meeting yesterday, and there's only, there's only two members on, on my team, myself, and then two others. And, you know, I challenge them specifically that, you know, SCORR is kind enough to give us the 23rd through the 27th off, and so we don't have to worry about, like, do you have to take vacation days? And I, you know, obviously, huge shout out to SCORR for that. And I think more organizations are going in that direction. But I challenge them to say, you know, this is not, this should not be a vacation that you need a vacation from, right? Like, you know, I know that there's stressful things, but do something for you. I There's absolutely no reason you should be on your email next week. There is no reason that you should do that. And I'm like, you know, listen, 415 on Friday afternoon, like I, I You should be done with all of the important things. I don't want it to be 630 on Friday the 20th. And you're trying to, like, catch up on on busy work, because that's not the season for this. And I think that everything that you just kind of walked through, especially the What's one thing, you know, what's one positive thing that we can do, or what's a positive outcome? Or, how can we, how can we focus on a piece? It's we have to accept the negative. We have to understand that that's the thing, because you're right. Like, you know, everything over the last couple of months, every news cycle that you read in. I mean, there was a school shooting in Wisconsin yesterday. And, like, if you are online, you are being pushed down right now. And I think that it made me think of this, because I had deleted a couple of social medias, but Twitter especially acts. You know, I had deleted that because I started to look at like, Okay, on a day to day basis. What? Where am I starting to feel like that stress in my shoulders, and it was flat out because I was spending too much time on Twitter and seeing all of the dialog back and forth, and most of it being fake, right? But it was the cycle that I was getting myself into of riling myself up and then feeling guilty if I wasn't in the know, and then riling myself up and so just kind of eliminating that hasn't solved me. I've got a ton of issues, but I it has made my day to day operations a lot different. And I think that, again, kind of goes back to, you know, what brings you comfort, what brings you happiness, what brings you health? When do you judge yourself the most? When do you feel least like yourself? And then the last thing that I wanted to mention, and it goes back to the beginning of your answer, which was, if you offered somebody time on a Friday and or whatever day, and it's like, Oh, why? I could actually use that to catch up on work. It's like, no, that's not the point of that. I'm asking, is there something else? And I hear my wife, she's not going to listen to this, because she doesn't like listening to me talk that much, but she is really good at just like, turning the brain off and like disassociating, doing paint by numbers, word games, you know, like all of that. Like she she does a really good job at that. But she also knows that sometimes it's like, oh, I have a day off and I'm going to do. The exact same thing that I would if I didn't have that day off, and can get into that rub of, okay, this should have been something different. You don't have to do the same thing, like allow yourself to to step outside of the box, to try a new thing. And I think that's something that we could all challenge ourselves on a little bit, not necessarily a new thing, but a thing that maybe you haven't done in a couple of months. Or, you know, for instance, crayons, it could be a couple of years. I mean, I haven't, I haven't opened a pack of crayons since I was 17. So, yeah, that's all my I mean, some of this stuff, people are probably like, this is so basic and so, yeah, but, but think about a box of crayons. There's your old factor. Your old faculties are activated, right? And their smells trigger things in the brain. If your grandmother used to bake a pie of some kind when you were a kid, you walk into a bakery and you smell that you're instantly transported back to your grandmother's house. And I think we often, especially in this digital world that we live in now, we have replaced the things that probably were more inherent to make you happy, because that's what you had before, with things that distract us, and if you haven't watched the documentary on Netflix, social dilemma, you have to watch social dilemma, and not just for for Twitter, it's for all social problems. Yeah, and I know this isn't about social media. That's not what this but this is a big tie into mental health, because people use social media now as avenues to bring us false information. I mean, Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, basically all of Amazon, all of their goal is to see how long can they hold your attention on their platform. Yeah, and then make money off of it. They make a ton of money off of it. And you now like people the amount of real time, not R, E, A L, R, E, E, L, the reels that are happening on. I mean, tick tock is the worst, but Instagram, Facebook added in. I think we would all be shocked if we do find ourselves reaching for this when we have moments of downtime. How much time has that app held your attention over the last month? You would be disappointed. You would be you would add it up. Yeah, add it up and disappointed. How much of your life has been wasted on, in some regards, wasted on a social platform. Yeah, times they're used for good things, right? Well, and I, yeah, I have this like challenge sometimes, because when I found myself, when I deleted Facebook, which was two or three years ago now, and Twitter, I felt better about it. My Tiktok is about books. It's about leave holding space for the lyrics of defying gravity, and it is about Harry Potter. And so like when I go on Tiktok, I find myself like that's a form of watching a movie. Now, my wife and I have, like, a really harsh like, okay, you've been scrolling on Tiktok for more than 12 minutes. Like, it's probably a little alarming, but there again, it's finding, like, what that nugget is and and how we use it. And, you know, I think Amanda had a comment about a few months ago. She had deleted all of social media as a Gen Z year, that's a big deal. Never felt clear. Mentally only social media is playing some games on New York Times realized it was time to delete when her husband and her were scrolling through Instagram, and I challenged them. She challenged them both to recall one piece of information that they learned during that time, and neither of them had anything to share. And I find it interesting that Hannah above it had commented puzzles. And it's like if you I found when I would go and reach for my phone on Instagram, if I would play like a board game or play like a game of mancala with Megan, or play like a game of Catan, I felt way more productive even though I was doing a very similar thing. It brought me out of the phone and into the world, which I find as a unique comparison here and Brooke, I'm going to take us on a harsh left turn here. Okay, yeah, because it's 1243, 143, 1143, 1043, depending on where you live, it's been a fantastic 43 minutes, but you have a book next to you that I want to bring up, because I have it waiting for me in Bettendorf, Iowa, when I go home for Christmas called your head is a houseboat. And, gosh, I just love the chaotic guide to mental clarity. And I just love the. To clarity. I love the concept of being able to demand that and advocate for yourself and know what this means for you. Will you share a little about this book and what you found, and maybe I'll ask a question or two, but I think this is a great one, and I think it was like 14 bucks for me to buy, so it's not an expensive book. I'll toss it to you. So my brother, who's a therapist, gave my mom this book, and it was, I think it was Christmas last year, and she's like, Oh, Brooke, you need this book too. And so it showed up at my house, and I I've read through most of it. It's a really fun read. It was written by a psychologist and trying to help people unpack what's happening in the brain when we talk about mental clarity. And so she, she structures this houseboat into different levels. And just, just for those of you listening, if you're curious about the book, some of them are really fun, but she she just addresses the fact that you're going to die, right? It's a fact we're all going to die. And so the time we have on Earth is very limited and short, and so knowing what to do with our mental health and well being is a big part of living this life to the fullest. And she gives you some questions to think about. It's a journaling prompt as well. So buy your favorite journal, yeah, and your book, and sit down and go through it. But she's got the free loader party, which is my favorite group of people, because the freeloaders are people in your world that just invite themselves onto the boat, whether or not you invited them in, and now you have to choose if they stay. The river to the ocean. The five bosses, the grumpy sock puppets, handheld sock puppets. We all had them when we were kids, right? The handheld puppets, the wacky windshield. Welcome to the zoo, kid you in the phone and setting sail. So this book, it's, it's a simple read, but it's really compelling because it asks the questions that we don't know to ask ourselves, yep, and I think if anything over the Christmas or holiday break, if you're if you don't celebrate Christmas. Um, this book could be really powerful for you as you move into the new year. I know Alec wanted to talk a little bit about New Year's resolutions, which I'm going to let you say something on that, and I may challenge you on it. Okay, okay, but I think this would be a great book to set the mindset for how you want to enter 2025, in a really clear headed, non clutter filled brain, to really just move into a great year. So what are you thinking for the new year? Yeah, I have always had a really interesting relationship with new year's resolutions because, you know, I think it's a good way to say, Oh, I will start these things. You know, tomorrow I will, I will start these things then. And a couple of years ago, my wife and I started doing, like, on your birthday, like, what were three things that you were proud of in the year? What were three things that you were, you know, a little bit disappointed in yourself in the year. And then what are things that you're, one, want to accomplish, and then two, kind of want to avoid like as pitfalls. And I started to associate much better with that than like in New Year's resolution. Times it's like, I want to lose weight, or I want to gain muscle, or I want to and it's, it's, it's super goal oriented, and not that goals are a bad thing. But I can't, I don't know if I have atomic habits. It's like, right here, it's holding up my laptop. But atomic habits by James clear was a huge transformative book for me in terms of goals, you're trying to do a thing one time, but a habit. You're trying to change who you are, and you're trying to, you know, become healthier. You are trying to become happier, and you're not trying to become happy, you're not trying to become healthy. You're trying to become healthier on a consistent basis. And if you set those like Really unrealist Just to bring it back to business for a second, if you set really unrealistic goals in q1 q2 q3 and q4 and then at the six month mark, we're not hitting them, it's going to put you into a potential shame spiral. And I have seen a lot of negatives that come from New Year's resolutions. I've also seen a ton of positives, but it's all about how you frame it in your in your mind. And I think that doing it on a, I don't want to say conservative, but on a more conservative and realistic basis of like, what can I do in the first month to make me feel better about me? Is. Super realistic, but saying I want to work out, and I'm speaking from experience, I want to work out six days a week for the first six months of the year. It's like I haven't done that since I was 21 year old college athlete. I'm not going to do it, you know, now, right? And so really understanding what that means and using the reset to your advantage not to set you off in a negative headspace, because I've certainly seen that too. That is a great way to frame it, because we talk a lot about this velocity. Does this internally with our employees every year. I also run a workshop at the studio every January 1, and it's an intention setting workshop. Oh, I love that. So rather than a New Year's resolution and even vision boards, I find can be challenging because they're so grandiose sometimes that you're like, God, I hope you achieve what's on there. But there's a lot of things that seem kind of out of left field, but intention setting is really all about putting out into your subconscious who you want to be. Yeah, and to your point, I want to be healthier. We reframe that from I want to be to I am healthy. And we set these intentions at the beginning of the year as anchors through the rest of the year. So you come back to this every time you find yourself shame cycling right around, oh, I if your intention was to be healthy. I haven't worked out in three weeks, and I've been eating crap. Now I'm shame cycling because like, Oh, my body doesn't look like the way I want it to and I'm I feel horrible, and I did this to myself. And it's like, pause, yeah, and repeat your intention. I am healthy. So what in this moment can I do to make that true? Yeah? And the more you say affirmation, statements that are future focused or real versus things that you want, you're much more likely to do them, yeah, than to put it a resolution out there that we all know they typically fail within three to four weeks. I i love that, and I love the I Am. The other thought that I've had around this conversation is, and I don't remember who I was listening to. I actually think it was on a sales it was on a sales podcast. They brought on a sales guru who also happens to be like, in great shape, and he was talking about health and how it impacts your sales. And they were talking about the time between the thought and saying, I should do something, and the time that you actually do it. And this is something that everybody you know, we talk about, the coulda shoulda, woulda is, but I should work out today. Okay, how can I shorten the time between the time that I said that out loud to the time that I actually work out. I'm saying that right now it's 1252 I've got meetings until 430 okay, if I go home and I take off my shoes and I sit and I scroll and I do a thing, now that time between should and doing extends, and every minute that goes by becomes more and more like unlikely that I'm going to do that thing. And so taking that and shortening the time between should and do, I also think can be paired with the the new year's resolutions, if you will, you know. And I think, like a simple one is, hey, when I think this way in January, when I think this way in February, I want to do, I want to act on that in a much more, you know, efficient manner too, yeah, and I, I know some people are like, this is really good information from an individual's perspective, right? I want to, I want to debunk the individual concept, because you as a leader are an individual as well. You as a business owner, are an individual as well, and if you're not proactively taking care of your well being, you're not going to be able to lead your team in a way that's impactful, compelling, or even able to really achieve the strategic goals that Your company set out to do, yep. And so even though a lot of this feels like we're talking about things you can do personally for yourself, the reflection on this is, the better, the better you are up here. I'm pointing at my head if you're listening to the podcast, yeah, better you are up here, the better you are here. Yeah. And your role in this is so important, because if you're not portraying this for your team, they're not going to think you think it matters, and it does matter. And even if you do believe it, you just aren't living it. Yep. People, what did is it Maya, Angela or No, Glasser says this, I think this. Said this last time, people will show you who they are, not by what they say, by what they do do. Yeah, absolutely. And if you're saying one thing and doing another thing, they're going to listen to to what you do, right? Like you, are the leader in that. And I also think if you are the leader, and you have listened to any of this and you have been hesitant about your team doing this, that last part is so important. When that individual is feeling better in all of these areas, I promise you, their work is going to be a lot better. There are a few people who can, who can really turn on the jets as a as a shame spiral. And don't get me wrong, I tend to be one of them, and I can use that to guilt trip me into being good at my job, but it will last a week. It won't last forever, right? And if we're looking for loyalty, and we're looking for longevity, and we're looking for consistency. As as we talk about all these things, you giving the space for your employees to have this, and you leading the way by and and showing by example, it's going to build that loyalty more than, you know, I don't want to say more than a really nice salary, because we understand the market the way that it is. But this is, this is, in my opinion, you know, number two, number three, number four, in terms of employee representation, employee happiness, all of that built into to what we have to achieve. Yeah, and, and you, you doing the things that make you comfortable, happy or healthy just makes your your perspective on life so much greater and and you want that for other people. The more you do it for yourself, the more you want to support that for your people. And you know, if you work for an organization that doesn't allow for prioritization of this stuff. Find little avenues that you can sneak it in here or there that don't have to be big, big moments, right? They can be simply, you know, hey, it's my team. We've worked really hard this week. Take take the afternoon on Friday off. Yeah, right, and that's not, that's not something you do every week. Yeah, that once every six, 912, months. Yeah, is a gift to the team. And if you're going to give it to your team, you need to take it as well. Yeah, so don't you go back to work while your team goes off and does what makes them happy. Really think about, how can I use this time to do something that fills my cup, gives me more energy, so when I come back on Monday, I'm in a better head space than I was today, and even if they don't take it, you know, I know we're almost at time here, and I'm going to ask you for a final takeaway, but I've had a just a chaotic couple of months, and there's been funerals, and there's been pregnancy and there's been kidney stones and moving and all of this stuff. And, you know, over Thanksgiving break, I had, you know, went back for essentially, a funeral and and, you know, not a fun time at all. And my boss, Leah, had messaged me and was like, hey, you know, I know we're on break right now, but if when we come back, you need that Friday off, or you need the Monday off, take it. And I did it at the time, and I didn't take it in part, because I knew the holiday, like Christmas was coming and I was going to get some time off and things like that. But even just the message alone was like, Okay, you're seeing this picture. You're you're seeing you're not looking at it as, oh, that's Monday, December 3, and you know, we're off and running in q1 you're seeing it as the the full body of work. And that's the type of stuff that takes you and propels you into the the next stage. And it's, it's why people don't go looking for jobs. It's why people turn down recruiters. Is those moments, right? If everything else is equal, salaries are equal, location remote, what? All those things, certainly. But if that's the case, then these are the things that you can do that that take it to the next level. Yeah, um, agree. Okay, Brooke, this was, I know we've got a Part Four where we're actually going to do radio show style, and we're going to have different guests come on, and we're going to ask them some key questions in January. And I know we'll bring you back in in 2025 for a handful more. But we talked about a lot, a lot of stuff today, lot of really good stuff. What is I'll have you go first, then I'll finish, and then we'll wrap. What's your final What's your final takeaway? A minute you get a minute. Yes, and myself, okay, yes, I love that. So I think remembering that mental health is something that, while it's not often talked about. And it's something that's on everyone's mind, and if we reframe it from it being a negative thing, to really focusing more on what does it mean to have well being, which is finding a state of being that's comfortable, happy or healthy. I'm going to challenge all of you to do that over the Christmas break, to find the things that bring you comfort, that bring you happiness, and that make you healthy. And then I'd like for you to actually do them. Create the space and time to do them. You're the only one that can control this. So define what that is, make it happen. And in 2025 come back with a clear head ready to tackle the world, because it's going to be a show. I'm going to guarantee you on this. All right, Alec, your turn. That'll be a snippet. I'm posting that tomorrow, that that's, that's a snippet tomorrow for me. I think it's, I think it's a really interesting and I appreciate all the different areas that we went to. For me, I'm going to go to the shame spirals and the shame cycles, and I think the toughest challenge, and I'm saying this, and I'm going to add a giant asterisk that I know this is a tough thing to ask for, but you got to start to recognize them. Really. Have to start to pull yourself out. It's really hard for someone else to do that if they don't know it, especially an employer, and start to recognize it, start to ask yourself, what led to this point? There's multiple decisions, multiple thoughts that got you to there and raise your hands, go to your boss, go to another colleague, go to somebody, if it's professional, go that direction, if it's personal, go to therapy, please. Like everybody listening, should be in therapy, but you have to understand what leads to those because even now, when I get into them, it's not fun, but I know how I got there, and I know why I got there, and I can help work against that. A couple of years ago, I would have just stayed in it for a month and then got gotten out of it without knowing, and then it would have came back a month later, and it would have, I would have been like, what? No way. And so shame, shame spiral, shame cycles really start to be honest with yourself on that. And I think, you know, everything that we talked about Brooke is why we're doing this, getting unstuck part three. I know we had a lot of good commentary today. This will be this recording. If you're listening to it still. You can go back to it if you just joined and yet you started listening to it at the end. Or if you're listening to this on the podcast, on the SCORR cast, or on our LinkedIn and you have questions for Brooke, or you have comments, send them Brooks way. Send them my way, and certain we'll talk about it. I know that episode in January where we have some different guests come on and ask them specific questions about how they're dealing with you know, this, this kind of thought process of getting unstuck in the workforce and as individuals, it's going to be really entertaining episodes. So I appreciate everyone for listening, and Brooke as always, always, so much fun talking with you, and I appreciate your time too. Thank you, Alec, it was a great one, awesome. Have a great day and happy holidays. Everyone. Bye as always. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of The SCORR cast, brought to you by SCORR Marketing. We appreciate your time and hope you found this discussion insightful. Don't forget to subscribe and join us for our next episode. Until then, remember, marketing is supposed to be fun. You