Afraid of Being Seen? Overcome Judgment, Imposter Syndrome, and Step Into Confidence

In this episode of Limitless Health, Kate McDowell and Amanda Golightly dive deep into the hidden blocks that keep so many of us stuck—self-sabotage, fear of being seen, and imposter syndrome. If you’ve ever procrastinated because things weren’t “perfect” or avoided taking a bold step forward because of fear, this conversation is for you.

Amanda shares her unique approach to identifying and reframing the unconscious patterns that keep us stuck, along with relatable personal stories and actionable tips. From the perfection-procrastination loop to overcoming judgment, you’ll learn how to shift your mindset and move toward your goals with confidence.

✨ Call to Action ✨

Don’t let self-sabotage and fear of judgment hold you back from stepping into your full potential. Download Amanda’s Free Confidence Boost Hypnosis to kickstart your journey today. Click here to access it now!


What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

•How self-sabotage often masks deeper fears, like fear of judgment or failure.

•The perfection-procrastination loop and how it stops progress.

•How childhood patterns influence your confidence and actions today.

•Amanda’s conversational approach to uncovering and reframing limiting beliefs.

•Why small, brave actions are the key to overcoming fear and self-doubt.

•The role your unconscious mind plays in keeping you safe—and how to rework it for growth.


Resources and Links:

1.Free Confidence Boost Hypnosis – Download Amanda’s free resource to overcome fear and start building your confidence today! Get it here.

2.Follow Amanda Golightly on Instagram and TikTok.

3.Explore more episodes of Limitless Health at Our Website.

*** This podcast is for information purposes only. By providing the information contained herein, we are not diagnosing, treating, curing, mitigating, or preventing any disease or medical condition. Before beginning any type of natural regimen, it is advisable to seek the advice of a licensed healthcare professional.

Transcript

Kate McDowell [00:00:00]:
Welcome back. Today, we're diving into a topic that so many of us face but rarely talk about, and that's self sabotage or fear of being seen and imposter syndrome. These are sneaky blocks that can hold so many of us back from stepping into our full potential, whether it's in personal life or in careers as well. Right? And so to help unpack this, Amanda and I are gonna loop you in on a conversation. Amanda works with coaches, hypnotists, and high achievers to build unshakable confidence and break through these mental barriers.

Kate McDowell [00:00:45]:
To get us started, Amanda, can you share an example of what self sabotage can look like?

Amanda Golightly [00:01:01]:
Sure. The first thing that comes to mind is, like, procrastination tied with being perfect, like the perfection procrastination kind of loop, I suppose. You're trying to get, say, for coaches out there who are on social media, you're trying to get the video perfect. And, like like, I've done this many times. You're recording it. You're saying something. You're getting stuck on saying something right. It has to be the perfect way, and it's just not coming out the way you want it to.

Amanda Golightly [00:01:33]:
And it's this constant loop of you're not happy with the progress you're making because you're not making the progress. And perhaps you're getting emotional and being frustrated or angry at it not working. And the outcome is not it's not helpful, basically. And maybe it's because you there's many I've talked to lots of clients recently, and they're afraid of being seen. So perhaps it's just the underlying fear of putting yourself out there and being judged for something you're saying, or maybe it's being judged around the field of what you're working at maybe because being maybe it's a coach or a hypnotist like myself and some people just think it's it's it makes me laugh a little bit that people think hypnotism is woo woo, though. That's kind of what I'm going towards. That's a quick example of what self sabotage could be. One of the many things.

Kate McDowell [00:02:32]:
Yeah. I can definitely the fear of being judged, that's something that I definitely have experienced with in the past, and it was more so in terms of showing up on social media and kind of speaking my truth and having people push back. TikTok, like, blew up in my face a couple of years ago and, like, 250,000 views on something. And then you get a lot of haters come out when you see more people. And that can be overwhelming too. Right? The realization that I wanna I wanna make this I wanna make a big difference in this world. But the bigger I become, the more hate shows up sometimes. Right? But when it comes to self sabotage, like, how do you help people start to work through that?

Amanda Golightly [00:03:11]:
For the most part, I work in a conversational type approach where basically that just having a conversation and kind of dig into, like, what is the root of why someone isn't achieving their goals? What is really happening? And it's funny, initially, when we start having a conversation, it might be about one thing, but then 10 minutes, 20, 30 minutes later, we're talking about something completely different. And I find it just hilarious because I've gone through that process as well, where you think, oh, I'm I'm here because I can't seem to do Instagram reels. And actually, no, no. It's you are afraid of being told you're wrong or something that stems back to a childhood. I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I it's the, the pattern inside yourself and the fear jumps up and it's, and it's the reminding you of a previous experience. And this is what's holding you back. And it's, it's all unconscious or subconscious, depending on the words you use. I kind of use those interchangeably.

Amanda Golightly [00:04:25]:
And that's the key thing is finding out why, what your unconscious mind is always looking to protect you and keep you safe. Whether that actually is in a productive way or not. But ideally, it's all a positive intention. So it's a matter of finding out what is that positive intention and seeing if we can rework it, kind of rework the pathways of how we learn and how we grow to be a more useful approach rather than something that's holding us back. And maybe it's just figuring out a insight and going back to that time in childhood where you thought you, you know, you were wrong about a certain situation or whatever the case is. And maybe it's just getting a different perspective on what actually happened and changing the belief you have. And by getting that different perspective, that could really change so many things.

Kate McDowell [00:05:22]:
Yeah. I was gonna say you could use me as an example there if you wanted because we did have a conversation yesterday, and I'm trying to remember what it was that I thought because I came in and I said to you, like, can you help me with this? Because I I feel like I'm doing I did something wrong when someone's upset, and then it ended up going a totally different direction. I don't know. I don't remember where we got to, but, yeah, I went in and I thought that was the problem.

Amanda Golightly [00:05:49]:
It was something around see, I I kind of forget at times as well because I'm just I think I'm entranced too when we're doing it. So it was something around people getting upset and you were looking to fix it.

Kate McDowell [00:06:03]:
Yeah. I always if someone was there, if someone was upset, I always thought it was my fault. I thought it was because I'd done something wrong. And so I thought that I needed to fix that because it was uncomfortable for me when someone else was upset because it changed the energy. And Amanda was like, yeah, but is it changing their energy? Is it changing your energy? And I was like, oh, oh, okay. Because I can choose choose to change that back. Right? And it's the conversational thing is is really interesting. If you've never had a conversation with Amanda, I highly recommend it because you go in thinking, like, I know what my problem is.

Kate McDowell [00:06:43]:
This is it. And then by the time you kind of dig through and and talk through it, it's like, holy crap. It's not it's not what I thought it was, and it's so much easier to resolve it than I thought. Like, that's since I was, like, 5 years old. The 5 year old me came out and was, like, stamping my feet and crossing my arms, like, this is what it is, and this is what the problem is. And Yeah. It's so interesting. I also love that with hypnosis, you don't have to go back and sit in the pain either.

Kate McDowell [00:07:08]:
Mhmm. That's really valuable.

Amanda Golightly [00:07:11]:
It was nice that we can yes. Of course, we've all had traumatic whatever you deem traumatic to be, and that could be as simple as just being told no as a child that you can't have something to various other things.

Amanda Golightly [00:07:23]:
Yep.

Amanda Golightly [00:07:24]:
And it's how we take that on. And it's as simple as just, yeah, going making some tweaks and getting some new perspective. And again, I can't remember all the questions that I asked you, but it's just whatever comes up to and it's trusting my intuition and my own unconscious mind at the time to see where that takes us. And it's and by asking a lot of questions, I think that helps. It helped you and has helped other people kind of look at things a little differently. And it's rather than asking why questions, which tends tends to keep us stuck. Mhmm. How and what questions can actually open possibilities and maybe even curiosity as to what is going on in the situation that you're thinking about or recalling.

Kate McDowell [00:08:12]:
Yeah. And it's past things that we're talking about too. Like one of the example I'm giving you from yesterday, but when it comes to the subconscious limiting beliefs that people have, like I'm not good enough or what if someone gets upset if I do something like how how can you help people with that? Or how do you help people with that?

Amanda Golightly [00:08:33]:
Same kind of approach. I I know it sounds very, like, basic, but it's, again, just having a conversation with someone. And I allow the client to bring up their own resources. So by asking those questions, they very often we all talk in metaphor at times metaphors at times to explain the situation or maybe the emotion that we're experiencing because we don't maybe know how to explain it any other way and I've experienced that too. Sometimes it's just easier to put it in that kind of context as opposed to like what is anger, what is anger really in for me versus someone else, it could be very different. So by using what the client gives me, I'm allowing them to basically resolve their own problem. I'm not coming in with, I yes. I have all these tools that I can help them with, Mhmm.

Amanda Golightly [00:09:26]:
But it's a matter of what are they giving me so I can figure out where to help guide them to a solution.

Kate McDowell [00:09:33]:
Amazing.

Amanda Golightly [00:09:33]:
If that makes sense.

Kate McDowell [00:09:35]:
How does I've I've been in your world long enough that it does for me. So hope I'm sure it will for other people as well. But, like, how what's the result if people don't resolve these things?

Amanda Golightly [00:09:47]:
Oh, I again, you can speak from personal experience. If you're not resolving, say, the self sabotage or the fear of being seen, the fear of judgments, like, these are many things that I've dealt with. I've dealt with the fear of, like, I don't know what to do. Like, I I've gone through trainings before and it gets close to the end and I just feel like the the world is about to the world or the floor is about to give way because in the training, I knew what to do. I was told what to do and then all of a sudden you're out into the world and it's like, don't know how to do this now. Like, I did really well. And now now, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I some sort of sabotage pops up like, oh, maybe I really don't want to do this or whatever the reason might be. And it's perhaps actually just fear that's making you think you don't want to do something or it's holding you back.

Amanda Golightly [00:10:53]:
And it's been a number of years for me in this process to move forward. And it's it's still a journey, of course, but it's it's reaching reaching out to your resources, like working with other coaches and hypnicists because, yes, I can do self hypnosis, and I can work through things myself, do the self work. But it's wonderful if you can work with someone else too because very often, they may they likely pick up on something that you're not seeing or not feeling or noticing. And and then it's a point of connection with someone else, which is wonderful in that regard too. Yeah. And I don't remember what your question was now. I heard you. Saying all that.

Kate McDowell [00:11:36]:
I had a really good example, though, as you're saying, like, as you're in something, you often can't see it. And, like, the really common, ex not explanation, saying is, like, you can't see the forest among the trees. But I had someone say to me recently, if you're inside of a Coke bottle, you can't read the label. And it's so true. It's like you you need a different perspective. Like I'm a nutritionist, and I still work with a nutrition coach, or health of root cause testing coach, because it's very important to have someone else who's non biased, who's not like in what you're in right now,

Kate McDowell [00:12:11]:
because it can be like, we can justify ourselves till the cows come home.

Kate McDowell [00:12:11]:
I can't do this because it's cows come home. I can't do this because I don't really want it. Or, I just need more training. That's something that I often hear too.

Amanda Golightly [00:12:23]:
Or Yes, pretty much so.

Kate McDowell [00:12:24]:
X, Y. Like just, you can come up with all of these reasons And the more you say it, the more you believe it.

Amanda Golightly [00:12:31]:
Mhmm. And then

Kate McDowell [00:12:32]:
you're like, oh, no. No. It's completely legit. I can't do this because of this. And someone on the outside can be like, really? Is it true?

Amanda Golightly [00:12:41]:
Yeah. Yeah. Because you said it yourself. It's the auto suggestion. The self suggestions that you keep repeating and repetition can help that stick over time. Yeah. I just had a thought when you mentioned the metaphor of you can't see the forest, from the trees for the trees. For the trees.

Amanda Golightly [00:12:58]:
One of those 2. And you said seeing a different perspective. If you have something where, like, you can't see the forest, what if you just imagine yourself stepping back or moving back to have a different perspective? What do you see instead? What do you notice instead when that happens? And the Coke bottle thing, that was for someone else, was it?

Kate McDowell [00:13:20]:
That I heard that at a recent training that I was at. Yeah.

Amanda Golightly [00:13:23]:
But Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It'd be like, well, are you able to, like, is the bottle clear and can you, like, clear it up or can you get yourself out of the bottle? Like, what other perspective can you achieve by moving the position that you're in?

Kate McDowell [00:13:39]:
Yeah, Exactly. I'm looking for something that I can show because I mean, also this will be on a on a podcast, but we're gonna have the video up as well. And Mhmm. Imagine in your house, this is another example that I heard. I'm not trying to steal your show, but, whatever it can help you. If you're in your house, look at a picture. What if you were to, like, smash your face up against the picture? How much of it can you see? Right? It'll be all blurry and pixely and gross. But what if you take a step back and then you can see the whole picture? It's the same from the inside the Coke bottle Yeah.

Kate McDowell [00:14:13]:
Metaphor that I shared. Right? It's like when you're like right in the details and stuck in it, it can be hard to see the bigger picture of what's actually going on and what's important to focus on. And we can get so focused on these things that aren't really useful and don't really matter. And it's like, what are the things from the goal that you want? What are the things that are going to actually help you move towards your outcome now?

Amanda Golightly [00:14:38]:
Yeah, exactly. And that's I think you kind of touched it on it already with being so close or so honed in on one specific thing. Mhmm. You're you have that tunnel vision, you're missing everything else. So maybe you have this problem in this area, the small little area that you're looking at or paying attention to. And the resource is maybe just outside of that, but you're not seeing it because you're so focused on one detail. Yep. And I know as, like, an entrepreneur and and coach when you're maybe you're stuck on a detail of website related things, and it's maybe it's not the right font or whatever.

Amanda Golightly [00:15:16]:
But, if you you want to just get things going now, get the imperfect action going, because there was a quote the other day that I'm hoping it'll pop up in my head as best as possible. Basically, something around taking imperfect action. And if you're not and if you're trying to be perfect and not taking any action, what is the point? Mhmm. Not exactly how it came out. It's not proven, but it I'm sure everyone out there will get the intention of what I'm just trying to get across because that's what's most important. We're here and we're sharing a message for them to not get lost in the perfection of something. Because what is perfect? Can can that actually be achieved?

Kate McDowell [00:16:04]:
And does it

Amanda Golightly [00:16:05]:
Yeah. Go ahead.

Amanda Golightly [00:16:06]:
Does it matter?

Kate McDowell [00:16:07]:
Does it matter?

Kate McDowell [00:16:08]:
Yeah. Right? In the grand scheme of things, does it matter? Like, if you're looking to work with clients, Amanda and I both work with clients. Most of the people that Amanda works with work with clients and it's like focus on the client. What do they need? What are their needs? How can you help them? Because we can focus on like, okay, so it's kind of a humor. When I first started to notice gray hairs popping up on my head, I hated it. And I was like, I can't go live. I don't want to be on camera. I don't want anyone to see me because I have a gray hair.

Kate McDowell [00:16:41]:
And then Amanda told me, stop focusing on the gray hair. Look at all the brown ones that you have. Right? Because we just we replicate that. When you're focusing on the things that you don't like, they can become bigger, and they just they hold you back even more. And it's the same with everything from a conference perspective, right, as well, which is what we were initially talking about. But it's like, what are the things that are holding you back from moving forward that don't really matter?

Amanda Golightly [00:17:09]:
Mhmm. Yeah. It's yeah, that's interesting because I was laughing just a moment ago because I put a post up this past week and it was around the unconscious mind being 95% versus the conscious mind, which was 5. And I didn't even realize that the spelling on it was wrong, but it didn't matter. There was still a lot of engagement on the post and comments and the intention of it was still achieved, even though it was completely wrong. So I laugh about that now. So I could have once I actually noticed that I could have taken that down. But why the intention of it is still being achieved.

Amanda Golightly [00:17:45]:
And yes, it's not perfect, but it shows other people that I'm not perfect either. And just work with what you have and improve as you go.

Kate McDowell [00:17:53]:
Yeah, absolutely. And so we talked about self sabotage bit. Yeah. Getting stuck in the details. Overthinking decisions is something that often happens. A list of some of the things like the thinking I'm not good enough. Maybe I don't really want this because your unconscious mind is trying to keep you safe. Right? It's like, I don't know, don't do this.

Kate McDowell [00:18:17]:
You don't really want this because it's uncomfortable. And anytime, I mean, change is uncomfortable, but we're going to change either way. Yeah. So why not choose the change that you want, Right? Have a have an active participation in where you're going in the future. What else do we talk about? So, yeah, small brave actions, like putting the post out there. You could look back a couple days later and the spelling is wrong. Who cares? Actually, no

Amanda Golightly [00:18:44]:
one cared.

Kate McDowell [00:18:44]:
Sometimes, no, no one cared on yours at all. They didn't miss a beat. No. Sometimes people point out the spelling mistakes, which boosts your engagement. So

Amanda Golightly [00:18:57]:
Mhmm. Yeah. It's And, again, the shows well, yes. Then that for me and perhaps others shows what that person's focused on Mhmm. And what their maybe model of the world is at that time. And they're just focusing maybe they're having the tunnel vision on, oh, this isn't right, versus, like, what what other message could you get from the post? What does that what do you notice about that when you think about that for yourself? Yeah. Yeah. Just, Again, different perspectives on it.

Kate McDowell [00:19:25]:
Are there any comments that you found inspiring from the stuff you've shared this week?

Kate McDowell [00:19:32]:
Or wanted to share?

Kate McDowell [00:19:33]:
You had some really good ones.

Amanda Golightly [00:19:37]:
Yeah, there were a couple on TikTok now that I think about it. They resonated with the self sabotage and basically as I've done in the past, and I'm still working through, you set your own bridge on fire. Well, even though across the bridge is all the things you want yet. Nope. You're setting it on fire just to, yeah, sabotage yourself as the title says. Mhmm. And this person also resonated with it's, like, the the fear fear of failure, feel fear of being exposed and the judgment and around family and peers specifically. And it's like, yeah.

Amanda Golightly [00:20:11]:
I I get that. I understand that. And kind of digging into a conversation about how have they moved forward. Have they found any tools to help? And they did, and they're actually moving past things and really interested in the self hypnosis aspect of it. So it's and even popped out a interesting metaphor on there. So I'll just leave that little tidbit there. If someone actually wants to go and read that, you can. So it's it's kind of fun to see what comes up for people and most of the conversations you can have.

Amanda Golightly [00:20:41]:
And it's been great connecting with people and just kind of putting out some questions to them to see if I can get a different perspective or even just opening up a positive loop for them so they can look at the world a little differently. That's one of the newer things that I've been really working on is wanting to create those loops for people. And having the fun with it too, which is great because kind of like crafting these questions on the spot and just kind of hopefully getting them to be inspired by noticing more positive things in the world. If they've especially if that's something they're talking about in the post as it is, like, they've had this great achievement. They've had these sessions with clients, and they're having amazing outcomes. And it's just kind of, okay. How can I put something together? What are you noticing now going forward kind of thing? It's sounds a little better than just that, but, yeah, it's pretty pretty fun, and I've been enjoying that aspect of it.

Kate McDowell [00:21:38]:
Is there anything else you would like to share? We're gonna share your resource at the end, for sure, and it'll be in the show notes too. But is there any anything else you wanna share with people before we wrap up?

Amanda Golightly [00:21:48]:
One thing I've been finding very helpful recently, it's very simple. It's taken from another technique, which is called mindscaping, and that's through Mike Mendel. And I don't know if this is the this is probably not maybe the intention of of the technique that I took from it, but I I just use it as a separate a separate way of putting myself in a certain state that I wanna be in. And it's just a matter of taking your both hands and putting them on your heart. And I take 3 deep breaths in as deep as I can. And at the top of everyone, I say an intention word for whatever I want to have in the moment. And maybe it's just around being present or creative or even just having fun. So I would just simply take a deep breath in, Present.

Amanda Golightly [00:22:43]:
And breathe breathe out and do that 2 additional times. And even just after doing the three breaths, noticing the difference in my body and feeling more grounded and present as it was because that was my intention and just focusing on my heart area. Yeah. The shift is pretty neat and just noticing the calmness around how I feel when I do that, even just with doing that one breath. So imagine if I did 2 more, how much how even how much better it would be to do that. So that's just a simple thing you could add in maybe if you're feeling a little anxious or nervous or whatever the feeling is that you don't want. Just take that take yourself, just had that moment of hands over heart, focus on your heart area. Three deep breaths in, and at the top of every breath, just say the intention word that you want for that moment, and just let it all out and just be calm, relaxed, and and just notice what you notice.

Kate McDowell [00:23:49]:
Awesome. Breath work is so powerful. Like, that's something that even when I work with clients too, it's like it takes you out of fight or flight and puts you into your parasympathetic. So that alone is gonna make it easier for you to create change and do the things you wanna do. So, yeah, I love that. Okay. Talk to us about your free audio that people can download.

Amanda Golightly [00:24:12]:
Yeah. It's kind of a good starting point. I think, We talk about confidence a lot or lack of confidence for coaches. It's something that is definitely built. You need to put in the action to build the confidence with anything you want to achieve. But sometimes you just kind of need that, who's got a image of being pushed in my head, which makes me laugh. So sometimes we just need that extra little push or that extra little, you know, something to support us through the moment. And I just have a free confidence boost hypnosis that can kind of help with that initially.

Amanda Golightly [00:24:49]:
So if that can get you doing your first step or maybe a couple steps to help build that confidence, it's something I know we'll put in the show notes, and anyone who wants it can definitely go get it.

Kate McDowell [00:25:00]:
Amazing. Well, thank you. I'm excited to add more of the mindset related stuff back into our show. It's interesting because when we started this show, that was what we were talking a lot about. And we've said recently on our 100th episode that we've kind of circled back because we're talking more about mindset related stuff as well. But it's like, you can have all of the pieces, but if you don't have kind of the system to make it all work, and that's where mindset is such a huge tool. That's where we get in our way the most. That's where, we self sabotage the most.

Kate McDowell [00:25:32]:
Right? It's not the details. It's it's the operating system. So I think it's really important. Yeah, exactly. Reboot.

Amanda Golightly [00:25:39]:
And that's what hypnosis can do for people. Yeah. Get that upgrade so your phone works better, and you get that upgrade so you can achieve your goals and have a better life that you wanna live.

Kate McDowell [00:25:49]:
Amazing. Well, thank you very much for listening today. We'll put everything in the show notes, so make sure you check it out. Amanda's free hypnosis is awesome. I've listened to it multiple times. Yeah. So reach out to us if you have any questions as well. I'll be more than happy to help, and we'll see you on the next one.