55: Doing Nothing IS a Decision

In this episode, Quinn celebrates the end of a school year and reflects on the growth that comes from choosing courage over comfort. They dive deep into what it really costs us—emotionally, spiritually, and practically—when we don’t take action toward the lives we say we want.

Drawing on Tony Robbins’ powerful Dickens Process, Jocko Willink’s concept of Extreme Ownership, and the heroine’s journey framework, this episode is your wake-up call to do the hard thing. Whether it’s leaving your house, setting a boundary, calling the therapist, or daring to dream again—inaction is not neutral. It’s a choice. And it has a price.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Quinn’s post-divorce journey and what it really takes to rebuild a life
• The emotional toll of staying stuck—and how our brains crave integrity
• Why doing nothing is still making a choice (and it’s rarely the right one)
• The heroine’s journey: from loss to initiation to becoming your future self
• How discomfort is the way, not the obstacle
• Why we need micro courage to change our lives
• How to shift from waiting for the “right time” to taking right action
• A journaling prompt to help you take your next brave step

Mic-drop moments:

“Comfort is a lie. It drains the color from your life.”
 “Doing nothing is deciding against your future self.”
 “Hard is the baseline. You just get to choose what kind of hard.”
 “The reward of action is self-respect.”

Journal prompt from the episode:
✨ What is one hard thing I can do today that my future self will thank me for?

Want support in doing the brave thing?
Email Quinn at quinn@postdivorceglowup.com to learn more about coaching.

PostDivorceGlowUp.com

Email: quinn@postdivorceglowup.com

Transcript

Quinn 0:49

Hello my friends. Welcome back to the podcast, and just like that, my school year is done. I took my final, final a couple days ago, and I'm looking forward to getting my grades into my final transcript so I can make my application to nursing school. I was thinking back to this past year and how much I have grown through this experience There is a part of me that has a hard time conceiving of a future in which I am in nursing school or practicing as a nurse or a midwife. It just blows my mind. The expansiveness of my life and I hope that your life is expanding in beautiful ways as well. I spend quite a bit of time over in this day or go. community that my bestie Brita Joe runs. And you've heard a little bit about it on my podcast when I've had conversations with her, but it just reminds me of the journey and all that you've had to do to get to the point where you are living in a post-divorce life. It is not nothing girlfriend. It is such a journey, such a journey, and when I look at how beautiful and exciting and joyful my life is. And then I am with these women who are just trying to grapple with what this means for their lives, for their children, for their economic situation, where they're gonna live. All of the things that I had to face as well. It has given me deep appreciation for you as my listener and for people that I get to coach and the community that I have built around me. Because this, it takes so much strength to do what we have done, which is to take steps away from One of the most cherished traditions of society, which is being married, and we have managed to get outs. I just love that for us. Now, I know some of you want back in with a new partner, and I want that for you. If that's what you truly want. Now today I want to talk to you about. The price of doing nothing. I think one of the most painful parts of my journey is when I was considering divorce over the course of many, many years, but I wasn't doing anything to make it more likely or less likely. I guess I was sort of trying to make it less likely by. Continuing to try to create some kind of a marriage that I would want to be in, but sometimes that's just not possible since there are two people in the marriage and he gets to be however he was gonna be, Those times of not doing what you say you want to do, where you're creating this, this lack of integrity within yourself where you say, I want to be this kind of person and I'm not taking steps towards that goal on a regular basis. It causes friction internally, and it can be so painful and you see this. In women who say they want to be divorced and yet they stay in their marriages and they're not doing anything to get all their ducks in a row so that they will have a smoother transition. But I see this post-divorce as well. Women who say they want to date and they don't ever leave their house, or they say they want to build a healthier or stronger body, and yet they refuse to exercise and they refuse to change how they eat. And so when there's this internal divide. It creates pain because our brains like integrity. It likes to be able to have what we do and what we say we're going to do to be aligned. I'm hoping that a conversation today is going to help you get off the mark. Take one step closer. Actual action towards who you say you want to be, because doing nothing is a decision and so many of us wait for another time, the perfect time in order to make a decision. But you deciding not to reach out for coaching, you deciding not to join the gym, To not go and meet people outside of your home, that is a decision. Doing nothing is a decision, and it is a decision that carries a cost. So this episode is your permission slip and your wake up call, because I know what it's like to sit in that in-between space after divorce, after devastation, after disappointment. Wonder if staying stuck is easier, if it's safer, because honestly, staying stuck can be kind of comfortable. It can be a place that we get used to being maybe, I wouldn't say comfortable, maybe a better word, is It feels familiar and that familiarity. Seems to be comfortable because our brains hate change. They hate to be challenged, and yet it is through challenge. It is through change. It is through adaptation and growth that we get to rebuild our lives, and we start to have a, a sense of who we are and the possibilities that are available for us. What I've learned and what I wanna offer you today is that comfort is a lie. It whispers to you that you are fine right where you are, and it drains the color from your life. It brings you from technicolor into black and white. So today as we talk about the price of doing nothing, I want you to understand that your next level, it demands discomfort. It demands courage, and it demands action. hopefully you'll get some ideas that you can apply to make that a smoother process for yourself. Early in the 1990s, I was feeling like my life was stuck, and I saw an ad in the local newspaper for a Tony Robbins seminar. one of the most powerful exercises that he taught is called the Dickens process. It's named after Charles Dickens, a Christmas Carol. So that's the story where Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Christmas, past the ghost of Christmas present and the ghost of Christmas future. This process is about waking you up to the cost of staying the same. It's about getting really honest about what your current beliefs and your current actions have cost you. What did it cost you in the past? What is it costing you right now? And if you keep doing this or being this way, and you look out one year, five years, 10 years, what is the fruit from the seed that you are planting now? As Tony Robbins would facilitate this process, we had to stand up and I'm, I am positive, you can find this on YouTube if you just search for Tony Robbins Dickens process. So everyone in the room is standing up and he really tries to get you into your body to feel the emotion of what is the price that you are paying for the choices that you are currently making? What has it cost you in money, in relationships, in health to do what you are currently doing? What is it going to keep costing you Because doing nothing isn't neutral. It is a choice. And every day you stay where you are, you're choosing. This path you're choosing to not grow, to not heal, to not become the woman that you are here to be. Doing nothing is deciding against your future self. I know I'm talking to some of you who are making big shifts and you're making changes, and you're seeing that you can grow and you're changing the trajectory of your life, and when you change the. The trajectory of your life. You change it for your children, you change it for your partners because you become so much more. As long as you are growing in a positive direction for yourself, becoming more authentically yourself. there's a book called, Extreme Ownership, by, Jocko Willink. He is a. Navy Seal, and it's all about taking radical responsibility for your life. So when you look around your apartment or your home and you look at your relationships with your kids, with a significant other, with your friends, when you look at your health, your movement or lack of movement, whether you're restricting your food or eating too much Looking at all of it and being fully responsible for all of it. Now, I know that other people impact your life. But believing that it's other people that decide your level of happiness or situations outside of you that you don't control, that get to decide your level of growth. You give away so much of your internal power. So even if, even if all of these things are quote unquote outside of your control, when you step into this place of. I am responsible for my life. I'm responsible for my health. I'm responsible for my relationships. I am responsible for my bank account. I am fully responsible for all of it. And you do it in a way not to burden yourself, but to empower yourself. You get to tap into this place of power and energy that isn't available when you're sitting back and Allowing you to be something that is acted upon rather than the force in the world that gets to act. Now, some of you did not ask for the divorce, you didn't ask for betrayal. None of us asked for dysfunction or for heartbreak, but here we fucking are. And the good news is your healing is up to you. if you are one of those women that is still feeling the depth of pain, and you need the time to feel the sorrow and to feel the grief of that experience, do it. Go deep into it, feel it, and then rise from it. Taking responsibility for your life doesn't mean blame. I am not saying this is your fault and this is your fault and this is your fault. What I'm saying is that you have the keys to your own freedom. It means no one else gets to decide who you become next, no matter what your circumstances outside of you. Let's talk about the heroine's journey. So, unlike a hero's journey, which is about, you know, slaying dragons, the heroine's path is this inward path. It's deeper. Sometimes it can feel very lonely, but it's about. Excavating ourselves. It's about building ourself, building our ego. So rather than encouraging you to have an ego death, Which is often the masculine spiritual path. I find that most women actually need to be encouraged to build themselves, to build an ego, to learn what they like, who they are, independent of other people, and then in concert with the people that they choose to be in relationship from. I often see the heroin's journey beginning with. A divorce, a separation, a leaving or losing a life that once defined you. And then there's this dissent into the underworld where you question what was the meaning of all of that. And you question your worth. You question your future. You question your strength. Am I going to be able to support myself or support my children? Am I going to find. The love of my life. I really long for community and vibrant health and deep relationships and financial stability. And you question all of that. And then comes the call. Something whispers you were made for more. It's time to rise up. And in your case, my friend. This is the call. I am whispering. I'm not really whispering. I'm telling you the way it is. it's time. It is time for you to rise up to grab hold of the thing that you say that you want. Now it is going to be hard. What's so interesting about being in this community, this stay or go community that Brita has, is that women hesitate. To leave because leaving will be hard, and yet staying is also hard. So when you think, Going on a dating app will be hard. Getting stronger will be hard. Getting a new career will be hard. You know what else is hard? Not having a relationship is hard. Not having community is hard. Financial instability is hard. The inaction that you are doing right now is also hard. So hard is the baseline. That's just the baseline. It's gonna be hard either way, but the healing that you are after the boundary, that would feel really good to set the change that you want in your life. That hard thing is exactly what your body is wanting. I think those of you who can feel this like this calling in your body, like, I want more, I want more for my life. I want to be more authentic. I want deeper knowledge about myself and how I connect to this world. I want to show up. So after this initiation, after you start doing the hard thing, there's this rebirth and you become, you become this version of you that once felt impossible. You're now the person who has the strength, who has the relationship, who has the financial stability, whatever it is that. Used to feel so far away, but you have to go through that initiation. You have to answer the call. You have to do the hard thing, and that's when after the rebirth, you're able to return to the world where you bring your wisdom back. You bring it back as a friend, as a lover, as a leader, as you become, you call others. To take that same path and to come forth and live their biggest and brightest lives. Here's the truth that sometimes we forget. Doing hard things is what makes us feel alive. It is so much more about a willingness to surrender to the life that is before you. And I'm not saying surrender as in give up. I'm saying if life is presenting you with this desire to do a thing, to learn a talent, to have a new career, to try meeting someone, expanding your circle of influence, if it's calling you to do that. To lean into that call and hold onto that gritty part of you that is unwilling to stop until that you take action. Until you just keep going and keep going and keep going. Our brains light up. When we set a goal and when we conquer a challenge, little by little, when we try, when we stretch, that's when we begin to rise. When we avoid hard moments, it's the surest way to stay stuck. Many of us are waiting for the quote unquote right time, the right sign, the right mood. We want to feel motivated, and when we feel motivated, then we will make changes. But waiting is often fear in disguise, you don't need more readiness. You need more willingness. You are not waiting for the right moment. I'm gonna call you on this bullshit. What's actually happening is that you are trying to avoid a hard moment. So girlfriend, call the therapist, apply for the job, set the boundary. Say the thing, do the thing. Taking small, brave actions will change your life. Let's normalize micro courage. The courage that it takes to sign up for the class or to smile at a stranger. To show up and volunteer to put your name in the hat for the new promotion. Micro courage, like saying no without over explaining. The micro courage of not texting him back, whoever that hymn is in your life, or maybe it's a her, you don't have to respond to everything. And sometimes that takes courage. Now, sometimes the courage is texting back. Sometimes it is raising your hand and speaking up in the meeting, or maybe not raising your hand and Still speaking up in that meeting. every brave act is a breadcrumb leading you home to yourself. The more little brave things that you can do, it's just another step back to you. The price of doing nothing is so high. It is regret. The reward of action. Ooh. It is self respect. It is power. It is authenticity. It is pride. It's about perspective of being able to look back and see how far you've come. journal this tonight. What is one hard thing I can do today that my future self will thank me for? there is so much life for you to live, and I think you'll be surprised when you open up to life if you think you don't know what you want. I. Just ask life to show you what would light you up because it's there. There's too much in this world. For something to not light you up, there is something, there is something for you. And if you're ready to go deeper to create your future on purpose, you know where to find me. You can reach me at Quinn Q-U-I-N-N at post-divorce, glow up. You've got this. You're not doing this alone and your future self. And myself, we are both cheering for you with wild joy. I'll talk to you next week.