54. Finding Your People: The Power of Community in Physician Motherhood

Hey doc,

Today I'm sharing a deeply personal story about my journey discovering the transformative power of finding the right community. I open up about my experience in two very different coaching programs and what they taught me about trusting my intuition.

I'll walk you through:

• Why community often matters more than the actual coaching
• How being in the right group setting creates growth through osmosis
• The importance of psychological safety when building deep connections
• What happens when you trust vs ignore your inner knowing
• The value of seeing others both ahead of and behind you on similar journeys

This episode goes far beyond just announcing my new group coaching program (though yes, The Connected Motherhood Experience is officially launching!). It's about the profound impact of finding spaces where you can show up fully as yourself - where you're truly seen, validated and pushed to grow.

I share the hard lessons I learned about trusting myself and choosing carefully where I invest my energy and vulnerability. Most importantly, I discuss why having people around you who genuinely understand your experience as a Physician mom is invaluable for your growth.

If you've ever felt unsure about which communities are right for you, or questioned whether you should trust your gut about a space not feeling quite right, this episode is for you.

The Connected Motherhood Experience is more than just another coaching program - it's a sanctuary where Black Physician moms can find true sisterhood, cultivate lasting peace, and create the lives they deserve. 

If you're ready to move from overwhelm to peace while building meaningful connections with others who truly get it, schedule a Peace and Power session with me. We'll explore what real support could look like for you.

Remember to subscribe to "Stethoscopes and Strollers" on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode of encouragement and empowerment.

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If you feel you need direct support or someone to talk through the unique challenges of being a physician mom, schedule a free coaching session.

Free Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Transcript

 Hey Doc! Now, I have talked about EBS  a lot. The entre MD business school, the group coaching program that I joined in 2021, when I wanted to start my business, it was the first coaching program I'd ever been a part of. And it was truly a transformational experience.

And I want to talk about it specifically a little bit more. So Dr. Una, Dr. Nneka Unachukwu, who was my first guest on Stethoscopes and Strollers, is the head coach. And the founder of the Entree MD platform, all of the podcasts 

and the books, and the business school and the community on Facebook, she is the mastermind behind it all.

She's a pediatrician. She's Nigerian. She is a mom of four. Her, , episode is amazing.  Go back and listen. If you haven't listened. It is amazing and she is amazing and you would think. that the main benefits of being in that program was Dr. Una, because it's a business coaching program for physician entrepreneurs.

And she is an excellent physician entrepreneur, not because of the Entre MD Business School, but because she has a multiple seven figure pediatric practice that mainly serves Medicaid patients.  That is one of her major platforms that private practice is not dead.

And she is the person to coach other physician entrepreneurs through private practice, through coaching, through whatever their entrepreneurial hearts desire. She's the one. Right?

 But even she says, the true benefit of being in the Entre M. D. Business School is the community  and you don't really understand why she would say that until you have been in the community.  I'm assuming this is true for any good group coaching program.

And I know that, there are other very large physician coaching groups that have studies and like all these things talking about the benefits of group coaching. My experience in EBS was enough to convince me that being in a group setting like that is the reason for that transformational experience.

And Dr. Una is right. She's great, but the community is even better. And you know, there's no shade there. She says it herself. So when I think of all the things that I have gained from the community itself, besides the benefit of community, right?

Not being alone. Being a physician entrepreneur, even now, when burnout is at its highest, when everybody seems to be becoming a coach or starting a business, it's still a rare thing, right? There's still a lot of negative connotation. Sometimes there's still a lot of fear, trepidation, a lot of misconceptions about physician entrepreneurship, so it can feel isolating when you're about to take that leap and you feel like nobody understands what you are doing, why you're doing it.

Like, why would you? You can't just leap and do this thing when you have a big money doctor job, like all of these things become a non issue when you are in community with other people doing similar things. So just the benefit of any community you have with a group coaching program, and I have with EBS,  but there's actually a lot more,  there is the encouragement that you get from your fellow physician entrepreneurs, because.

Um, on the outside, there's a lot of negativity. A lot of people are in just a very negative space, especially online, and you don't get the encouragement. You may not be getting that from your family. So again, being in that group where people get it, they get your struggles, they understand what you're going through and can push you and cheer you from a real genuine place.

It is something that is invaluable and could not happen if you were not in a community. I've gotten so much advice. I've gotten actual services. So these entrepreneurs, right? People who have businesses, I cannot tell you how many of these businesses I have been a patron of,  I have utilized so many of the services of the physicians that have been in that community because I get inside knowledge to their business.

Like, I know them on a real deep level. So it's almost like the best review you could ever get, right? So that I know what I'm getting when I go and use their services. And one thing that I would not have thought would happen was osmosis. So Even if you are not actively participating in the group, you just come, listen,  you don't speak up, you don't get coached, you pick up things, like buy osmosis from the other physician entrepreneurs that are doing things similar to you and different things, and that is one of Dr.

Una's tenets as well, is that  it doesn't matter what industry you are in,  Pay attention to what other people are doing, because that's true innovation when you can take the ideas and concepts from one industry and apply it to your own. So she encourages coaches to listen in and engage when private practice owners are being coached, right?

Because you just never know where you will get that benefit.  And you don't have to be the one getting coached to get the benefits, osmosis,  right? It's a real thing, even for knowledge about running a business and the personal growth that comes with running a business. One of the things she always says is that being an entrepreneur is one of the greatest vehicles for personal growth.

I believe that as well. That and being in a committed relationship, i. e. marriage, you will not grow any faster than if you embark on those two journeys, right?  The biggest benefit to me and the reason that originally I wanted Dr. Toya Coaching to start with a group program for physician moms.

was the benefit of any group. So any support group, coaching program, any group of people that have similar experience, but maybe at different stages. So you are in this group and you are seeing and hearing from people who have been through what you are currently going through. It can give you the light at the end of your tunnel.

You can see  that it is possible to make it through. Like I, I will not be. This way forever you get tips and tricks from the people that have already been through it But also you can look at the people who have not gone through what you  have already gone through You can look at the people who are a little bit behind in their journey.

You can look and see wow I have really come far and not to look down on anyone, but to see I was like that, that was me. I was struggling just like that person. I look at all of these things that I have done because it is very easy, especially if you're not seeing a monetary result. on your business to just feel like you're working, working, working, and nothing is actually working, right?

You have made no progress because you're not seeing the dollars or, you know, it's not as much as you thought or whatever,  but there is that growth that comes. They are all the things that you never thought you can do, all the changes that you have made, and  it is pronounced when you look and see somebody else who is not as far along in their journey.

And that to me has been one of the biggest benefits and one of the things that I have enjoyed the most seeing people being in community with people at different stages. So valuable   there came a time that I felt like my needs were evolving. I wanted a more all rounded personal growth and coaching experience, because even though I'd had the vehicle of personal growth from the entrepreneurship I wanted a program that was focused on all areas of life I already started putting the building blocks down for this dream life already quit my job, doing locums, started speaking, like doing all of these things.

And I wanted those people in the group that were ahead of me to be way ahead of me, right? To be so far ahead that it was a little bit scary, right? So that I would be able to push myself even more. And I felt like I was ready after being in EBS for a number of years.  A friend of mine who was also in EBS told me about another coaching program that she was in that kind of fit the bill. I was telling her about what I needed and she was like, Oh, well, I joined this program. Would you consider it? And it was very exciting because I had experienced the head coach of that program multiple times and that person was absolutely amazing. So I was very excited at the prospect of joining this new group,  but there was something,  there was this voice. My subconscious my knowing that was telling me La Toya.  Is this really the right space for you?  Because of all the things that I mentioned about dr Una one of the biggest benefits to being in that space is that it is led by a black coach Now it's not a focus of the program. She is open to all, and it's not an exclusive group by any means. However, the fact that It is led by a black coach, naturally attracts more black people and diversity in general because there are very few spaces where it is led by a black woman. So, in addition to all the other benefits of being in the Entre MD Business School, it is also such a diverse space and that adds to the richness of the group.  This new group  was not diverse. It was not led by a black woman. And  this question was in me, this feeling that not only were they not black,  but from what I gathered from the things that I had heard within that amazing coaching,  there was a good chance  that this person didn't really appreciate or give much merit to the very unique experience of black people in this country. 

And that  my experience was so far removed from theirs and almost disregarded as significant  that I felt like this may be a problem,  and I was worried about how this would affect the experience  and by extension what the group dynamic would be and what that experience would be and how it would affect me. It was something that I thought about a lot  because it was a long program and it was not cheap. In the end, I decided to join after thinking and getting coached and all of these things. 

And let me tell you another amazing transformational experience. That coach was as good as I knew them to be.  Being in the group was even better than I expected for multiple reasons. The resources, the things that I learned by osmosis, the coaching that I received personally, just being in a room with people who have gotten so much further along in their own dream life journey, in their financial journey. , many of them were also physicians, but non physicians as well, were new to coaching. So,  in certain instances, I felt like I was the one who was a little bit further along, but it was exactly what I wanted from a growth standpoint. But I think the best thing about being in that program was that I was validated. 

Every single concern that I had about being in that space was accurate. All of my feelings about the coach and what the container would be like because of our differences was accurate. And I got example after example that it was not a space that I should be in. I did not feel psychologically safe there. 

The best example I can think of,  cause there were many, but it was actually the last example that was like, yes girl, you were right, was surrounding the election, and there was this casual conversation about voting for Trump,  and it wasn't casual, we will never vote for Trump, It was just this discussion that didn't seem to honor the very real threat to my existence as a Black woman in this country, as an immigrant, that that candidacy posed, and it was like a disregarding of who I was. 

And my lived experience, my reality that I felt was completely unacceptable for a space like that.  Because of course, I'm used to being around people with different political views all the time.  There's no question about that. Even in  EBS,  there are people with all sorts of views, but then I wouldn't be in a life coaching group with those people.

Like I wouldn't be in this vulnerable space forming deep connections. With those people that's just not a space that I have any desire to be in so when that happened Like I said, it it was coming already.  It was the final nail in the coffin that yep girl. You were right Good job. Good job to your knowing

and it was the perfect end to this general theme of 2024 of Toya, girl, you need to trust yourself. Because that knowing, that subconscious That, you know, the voice of the Holy Spirit, all of these things that you have been hearing and listening to over many, many years,  you need to trust that. Trust it. It has not led you wrong.

And when you have gone against it, you have suffered the consequences. So are you finally going to trust it?  And I am so grateful for that experience because of that confidence. That it gave me in myself and in what I know to be true  

in the background. There was also something else brewing in my subconscious. This question and this desire about serving black physician moms.  It had been a question the first time I started. I  thought about it, coached about it, you could see how I go through all of my decision making processes and decided to focus on physician moms  but decided that there was no need to niche down in that way. 

And I was actually very glad that I'd made that decision because that was another piece of my personal growth that was unexpected. working with physician moms of many different backgrounds allowed me to really see on a really deep, intimate level how similar we all are.  And realize that I can have my people,  and they could look.

all sorts of different ways. And it really allowed me to appreciate who my people are. Right. And the kind of qualities  that I attract and that I look for  and that I would like to coach because the type of coaching that I do, it is deep and intimate.  There needs to be that connection there and it needs to go both ways and having my coaching be for everyone just gave me that gift of truly seeing that this thing called race is really just some made up shit because I have connected so deeply with so many different people. But the, the question was still there, like,  should I be focusing on my people? And it's very aligned with how I started my entrepreneurial and coaching journey, because when I joined EBS, my first business was Buy Default, my directory for black owned businesses and black professionals who catered specifically to the black community.

My whole goal for that business was that when people came to my platform, they would see things that were made specifically for them. They would feel seen, they would feel loved, catered to, celebrated and not feel like the other. And just know that somebody made something for me. It wasn't just to chase a black dollar, or as an afterthought.

Because you realize, oh wait,  black people spend money too. Let's, let's get their money. No, it was for us. That's where I started on this journey. So it's natural that the question was there. And it started coming to the surface. Throughout 2024,  how can I honor this desire that is within me while still serving the broader physician community?

And it all came to head when the election happened. And. The results came out and it was just so clear that black women in this country know what we have to do. We get it together and we do it. The 92 percent of us understood the assignment and did what we had to do. But it was also clear   we are completely unsupported. 

That people really do not check for us. They do not have our back.  Because All of the mental gymnastics that it took to convince themselves why this qualified black woman was actually unqualified to be the president was just,  it was clear. Y'all, y'all are not for us. The one thing that was good was that there was this collective agreement that, okay, we did what we had to do.

Y'all chose chaos. Cool. I'm looking out for me. Right? There's Black Girl Day of Rest, like, don't ask me for anything. Don't ask me to protest, deal with whatever comes. We are done. And I understood the sentiment, right? I'm all about focusing on oneself. Y'all know that already. So it was music to my ears.

But one thing that came to me very quickly was, how is it practically that this group of overachieving?  Black woman physicians for my, you know, audience,  how are they going to go from being 10 times as good, going the extra mile, proving their worth, all of these things to don't call me if y'all have any problems.

I'm going to focus on my luxury life, taking care of myself and all this. Like you don't just go from caring for everybody. At all times, sacrificing yourself, going the extra mile, like you don't go from that to what was being described overnight because of an election. So I was like, I feel like y'all gonna need some help, but don't worry, I got you.

So when the results of the election were released, that was when I decided that my new group coaching program that I had committed to launching in 2025 was going to be for Black Physician Moms only,  really focusing on caring for us, creating a safe space for us, and really having our backs, realizing that nobody else will, so we will do it.

And all of the things that I talk about, prioritizing yourself, focusing on your needs, listening to your desires, creating your dream life, are all the things that these women need and want and feel now that there's an urgency behind because of the time and the context that we were in. So I made that decision then.  And I am. letting you know now, my wonderful stethoscopes and strollers physician mom, that the Connected Motherhood Experience is officially launched and open for enrollment. And that name, by the way, the Connected Motherhood Experience came to me while I was getting a massage.

So let me take a little segue.  And when I tell y'all, self care, taking time for yourself, allowing yourself the space to not think, to think, to have your subconscious give you these gems and these pearls. It's not just something that I say, it is how I live my life. And I reap the benefits daily  because when I was getting that massage  and I was like the connected motherhood experience Yeah, and the initials are CME like continuing medical education.

So they'll know it's just for physicians. Oh my gosh This is great. I was just like I need to get massages every day. Anyway, I digress. The Connected Motherhood Experience is my new group coaching program for black physician moms exclusively. It is an eight week program that will Change your life just like EBS changed mine and just like that other program changed mine as well, right?

I am one of those people where I'm going to get my return on any investment that I make no matter what and I Definitely got my return on that investment as well, even though it wasn't exactly how I Imagined  so it will transform your life for all of the reasons that I explained before about the benefits of a group we will be focusing on Everything that I talk about on this podcast, everything that I work with my private coaching clients to achieve all in service of your desires, what you want, and what you dream for that life, where you are happy, fulfilled, supported, loved, cared for, appreciated,  all of those things we will be curating and creating for you.

in this space.  It is everything that I had with EBS, all of the good things that I had with the other group,  and everything I wish I had with that group as well. The glory and the joy and the safety of pure Black Girl Magic.  And I am so excited to share this program with you.

 The Connected Motherhood Experience is for you if you are ready to move from overwhelm to peace. And let me tell you y'all , know. Cultivating and protecting your peace is one of the most important things for me, for my clients, and what I want for you. The connected motherhood experience is for you.

If you're ready to  create joy without hustle, this program is for you. If you are ready to have a true sisterhood, no judgment, no cattiness, no pettiness, true celebration of you and the things that make you an amazing human being this program is for you If you know that you deserve more help at home and better boundaries at work.

The connected motherhood experience is for you. If you want to celebrate your wins and brag, say that shit with your chest, with other women who are genuinely happy for you and who will celebrate you. And root for you, not just because you're black, but because you're excellent.

And this program is for you, if you are ready to create real lasting change, not just temporary fixes.  So if you are ready I want you as soon as you're done, listen to this episode, go to the link in the show notes, go to my website and schedule a peace and power session. And let me tell you, I love that name. I love that name because we already talked about the importance of peace, cultivating it, curating it. 

And  I also want you to have the power to set your boundaries and to ask for what you want and to do whatever it is that you want to do in this life. So, let's talk at the peace and power session. It will be a 30 minute conversation where we talk about what support looks like for you and if the program is the right fit, because fit is everything for this group.

It will be intimate. It's only six slots open.  And I did that because of the type of coaching that I do, deep, intimate, and the kind of space that I want to create with real connection.  It has to be small and it has to be filled with women, physician moms who are aligned.

They can be very different. There's much diversity amongst us, but aligned my people. you have to make sure that I'm your people too. So, schedule the session,  DM me if you have any questions, send me an email, hello at drtoyacoaching. com. I would love to talk to you and invite you to be a part of the Connected Motherhood experience.

 And I understand,  this is an exclusive program, and my mission is always to serve the broadest community so that more physician moms could start on their journey to their dream lives, curating, cultivating, and protecting their peace and all the things. So I am also launching a new Facebook group with that focus.

So even if you have an inkling that you're interested, you're not quite sure you're ready for these changes.

Don't get me wrong, these, these are big, right? These are big moves to be made, and not everybody is ready. It's not always the right time. And the group is small. So this is the place, the Connected Motherhood Experience Community, for All my black physician moms, to continue to grow. And To enjoy your motherhood journey and shine your light as bright as you like.

I am so excited to welcome you to the Connected Motherhood Experience. So make sure you schedule that peace and power session. This is your safe space to connect on a real deep level with other Black physician moms who are on your wavelength, who know what you are going through, who understand your experience, who will validate you, who will encourage you, who will celebrate you on a real deep level, all while you are getting the support you need.

And building that dream life that is living in your heart right now. 

I 

cannot wait to connect with you and I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.