59. Outsourcing Without Guilt: Dr. Cheruba Prabakar on Building a Life That Works

Hey doc! In this episode of ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨, I'm joined by Dr. Cheruba Prabakar, minimally invasive gynecologic surgeon and mother of three.

Dr. Cheruba shares:

• Her journey through training, marriage, and having three kids
• How she successfully managed pregnancy during fellowship
• Why she waited three years before deciding on a third child
• The essential supports that make her busy life possible
• Why outsourcing household tasks prevents arguments in marriage

Key takeaways:

• Get all the help you can afford - it's not a luxury, it's a necessity
• Keep your kids' routines when a new baby arrives
• Communicate clearly with your partner about family members helping
• Involve your partner in the decision to have additional children
• Consider coaching to navigate challenges before they arise

Dr. Cheruba doesn't hold back about the support systems that allow her to thrive as a practice owner and mother of three - from an au pair to meal service to a personal assistant. Her candid insights make this conversation a must-listen!

Dr. Cheruba Prabakar, also known as “The Fibroid Doc,” is a board-certified OB/GYN and fellowship-trained minimally invasive surgeon. After completing medical school, she pursued a four-year residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology, followed by a two-year fellowship in minimally invasive surgery. This training enables her to treat fibroids and heavy bleeding using same-day procedures with a few small incisions—unlike traditional surgeries requiring larger cuts and longer recovery.

She trained in Brooklyn, New York, where she cared for a diverse patient population and developed a niche in fibroid care. After training, she moved to the Bay Area and began practicing in Oakland, where she continued helping women with heavy bleeding, pain, and infertility due to fibroids. Her passion for this work led to the creation of her brand, “The Fibroid Doc.”

Dr. Prabakar specializes in robotic surgery and is dedicated to offering the latest surgical technology. Known for her compassionate approach, she empowers patients to meet their health goals and reclaim their lives through effective, minimally invasive fibroid treatment.

For more information about Dr. Cheruba, you can visit her website, connect on Facebook and

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Transcript

 Hey Doc, I am back with another wonderful guest here on Stethoscopes and Strollers, Dr. Cheruba Prabakar, and she is a dear friend and an entrepreneur and all of these things, but most importantly, she is a mom just like you. So welcome Dr. Cheruba. 

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited. 

Yes.

So tell me how many kids do you have and how old are they? 

So, I have three kids, and they are four, eight, and ten. two girls and a little boy.  

Oh, so sweet. That's a nice spread you have there. Yeah. It's like you have a lot of helpers. 

Yes, that is the key to having three kids.

To having any number of kids, but  

Right. I mean, you know, we used to want three, and then we had one. And I was like, hmm, maybe not. Yeah, I think one for each parent was perfect for us. 

Yes, two to three is definitely a jump. And I have to say, I, you know, I was kind of like two, you know, two is good. But then I just kind of had this yearning for three.

So we went for it. But, um, yeah, it does get a little chaotic. 

Yeah, but it's good chaos. I'm sure it's good. It's good. I love it.  So tell me how long you've been married. I've been married almost 15 years. Wow.  

Yeah. 

You know, I, you know, I've known you for a long time. I don't know how you and your husband met.

Tell me, tell me all about it. Oh, yes, yes. So, 

um, my husband grew up on the West coast and I'm from the East coast. And, um, once when he was visiting the East coast, we were set up on a blind date. Um, we by a friend and so we kind of met for lunch. And this was this was when I was in med school and so we met for lunch and that was supposed to be our date But then you know, then we ended up going to a museum then we went to a movie and then like before we knew it It was 10 p.

m We're like, okay, I guess that counts as a successful first date and then You know because we were long distance. We we weren't really sure how that was all gonna work I was in med school. I had the match coming up, um for residency. So Which as you know is, is, is kind of like you go where you, where you match.

and so we were, we were long distance for a while and. And I ended up matching actually in New York, but he was able to, uh, transfer his job to a New York office, which was great. And so he moved closer and the rest is history. 

Nice. So did you rank places, were you trying to go to California or the West Coast?

I 

didn't interview in places in California, um, New York, I, you know, he's in tech and so I wanted to make sure. We had to be kind of near like a big city, so I couldn't just be, ranking, like, 50, 60 programs. So I kind of stuck to the East Coast and the West Coast. 

Got it.

So, you all met in med when did you actually get married? In med school as well? No, my our second year in residency. Oh, my second year residency. 

Oh, 

wow. 

That was a long, tell me about that.  Well, actually, no, it was just about two years. Um, actually three years. Oh yeah. Okay. I met in when I was almost the end of my third year and we got the beginning of my second year of residency.

So yeah, we knew each other. Maybe I would say two and a half years, um, dated for 2000. Yeah. Like two years, got engaged. And then 10 months later we got married. So the whole thing, I would say like three years. Yeah. 

Got it. And did you have like a big huge Indian wedding? 

No, um, we got married in Connecticut and it was a I think like 200 people That's a lot, first of all Well, well, you know, Indian weddings Right Um, yeah, we had an event the night before, we had the wedding, we had a reception Yeah, so it was like a two day thing.

Yeah  

Just a small two day thing with 200 people 

All right. So when did you have your first? so our first child was 2015. So almost like four and a half years after we got married. Our first was born at, um, let me see the beginning of my second year. Okay. Or a few months into my second year of fellowship. So.

Yeah. Okay, so how was it being pregnant during fellowship? It sounds like it would be a little bit better than residency.  

Yeah, I think it was a little bit better than residency. I think I was lucky because I actually had a pretty good pregnancy.

Like I didn't have the typical things we always hear about with nausea and vomiting. I mean,  I didn't have any of that. So I actually felt great. Um, and so you can say it. I had an easy pregnancy. It's fine.  You know, I had an easy pregnancy. And so for me, it was actually fine. Like I actually enjoyed being pregnant.

Um, I didn't really have any other responsibilities because I don't have any other kids. and fellowship. It was a surgical fellowship, so yes, I was in the operating room a lot, and, and things like that, but it was very manageable, and so, was alright, and, you know, I ended up delivering a couple of weeks early, probably, because of, I don't know, because I was on my feet the whole time, and who knows, but, but overall, it was, the pregnancy itself was fine, was fine.

Yeah, 

and I mean, because you're a minimally invasive surgeon, I didn't mention that before, you think maybe it's because you were sitting at the robot, it wasn't quite as bad, as opposed to like, Being up and stuff. 

Well, I mean, the thing is, we weren't up at odd hours of the night, usually. I mean, we did take some calls.

So yes, we were awake at night sometimes, but it was, it wasn't as, um, bad as residency where you were on. I feel like you were on for a night flow two weeks at a time or other random, you know, it wasn't as random. You kind of knew when you were on call and sort of what to expect. So I felt like the schedule wasn't too bad.

Y'all did night flow two weeks at a time.  

Yeah, 

that's what I remember.  We did it like for a month straight. Maybe it was a month. I thought it was two weeks.  Which one is worse? I really don't know.  Maybe it was a month. 

I'm not sure, but I thought it was two weeks. Um, but yeah, so it wasn't as kind of crazy intense.

And you were the fellow, so the residents still did a lot of the grunt work, you know, running 

around. So, it was okay. It was okay. And your birth was uneventful, I hope. 

Yeah, my birth was good. Um, yeah, pretty textbook classic, you know, delivery. Um, except for being a couple of weeks early, which caught me off guard because I was not prepared for that.

In fact, I had signed up for a birthing class, even as an OBGYN. I was like, you know what? Let me just, let me just do that. And for my husband and it was the day. My daughter was actually born. Wow. So the night before I had to call the person  Cancel that I'm actually on my way to labor and delivery right now And I had operated for a very long day.

I mean I did three robotic cases So I had been up from you know, 6 a. m And then I went home and I took a nap and then I broke my water. So it was it was definitely unexpected  So, but luckily not too, too early. 

Yeah. And how, cause I know residency, there's this question of, are you going to finish on time and stuff?

Did it affect your fellowship at all? 

So for my fellowship, I had sort of talked to my fellowship director previously and kind of decided that I would save up my vacation that second year and just take it all together and so, yeah, I mean, it wasn't much of a maternity leave as, as, you know, most doctors, we don't really get a maternity leave anyway, when we were training.

Um, so I think I took only like four and a half weeks or five weeks off. And, um, so it didn't, it didn't really affect my like length of  training. 

How did only taking four or five weeks off affect you? Or was it just like, yeah, I'm fine.  

You know, honestly, I was fine. I was fine. And I don't know if it was because it was my first.

 Having a first child has obviously many challenges, but I think we sort of have this attitude in medicine Yeah, you just do what you got to do. And you know, I already sort of prepared. Okay, I'm gonna take four to five weeks off I had my help like already arranged. I had a vaginal delivery, which was Maybe easier than having a c section and having to  recover from surgery So I had a lot of things like going  My way and in working in my favor and so because I sort of planned all of that, I knew, okay, I'm going to have these five weeks and then I'm going to go and, um, so it actually wasn't bad.

Nice. 

 So what was the help that you had? So I had, um, the first month my mom was there. Um, so that was, that was great, for four weeks. And then my in laws were there for, um, another four weeks. 

And 

then I had another friend, who was going to be there for two weeks. And I had already also arranged, like, a nanny to to be there.

So, 

yeah,  always my favorite person. Have it all lined up. I love it. I had no time. Were y'all alone?  

Got it lined up because, you know, again, as, as a fellow, I couldn't just be like, Oh, I'm not showing up for a case. You know, I, I sort of had to, I think there was one day I was late because like my nanny didn't show up or something on time.

And then my husband had to run from work and, you know, he took over, but, but overall we tried to have it. Arranged and,  I also think those early days are at least baby wise, , are a little bit easier for childcare because I mean, they're sleeping a lot of the time versus having to engage like a toddler, for example,  is like a whole different ballgame.

Right. So, um, so I think that was. That was working in my favor to like, I would pump the milk and, you know, label it and have it all right. Yeah. So I'm trying to be as planned as possible. So that was, it went, it went okay. Yeah. And then after my fellowships, I finished my fellowship and I think July and then I, June, and then I took like a two and a half month break before my first job.

So that was nice. 

Nice. Okay. How was it with your in laws? Like, how was that relationship and being there postpartum? 

Yeah, so my in laws are actually great. Um, my You're making this sound too easy. My, my in laws are actually, yeah, they were, they were, they're actually super helpful. And my mother in law was like cooking a lot of food and, um, you know, which is great.

And they, they were there. Present and, but not like overly intrusive either. And luckily, you know, we were lucky because in New York we had a two bedroom, um, you know, apartment versus if it was like a one bedroom, I think that that could have been a little more challenging. So that was, that was helpful.

And I was gone like most of the day, right. Cause I was at work. So when I came home, I had like nice food and right. I mean like, so versus like being home and right, right, right. Um,  In laws. Um, or even my mom for that matter, right? Um, I think even having my mom sometimes was also challenging because everybody wants to give their opinion and not just my mom, but just anybody who I had to sort of come over like elders, you know, they would have their own ways of doing things and their own opinions.

And so it was,  yeah, so there were definitely moments that were, um, Yeah. You know, challenging. Yeah. Do 

how did you handle it? That kind of negative feedback or maybe not negative feedback the differences of opinions of how to do things 

Yeah, so I think culturally In Indian culture anyway, it's just sort of expected that family is gonna come and help out, right?

Like it's not like no one's gonna ask you. Hey, do you want to come and help you out? Like They're there, right?   Which is a blessing in so many ways because you have the help and for anybody who has had kids Like you need the help like you need somebody to hold the baby. You need somebody to cook, do the laundry and all of those things There's not so much of a conversation, about oh, do you want me there?

Like how long do you want me there? Like all those things are not You know, or not discussed. And frankly, I didn't know any better because I was like, okay, this is kind of what we do. Great. I'm going to take all the help I can. Okay. You know, in laws come, mom come, you know, auntie come, like whatever, right?

Like I'm going to  take all that. So, I, at that point, you know, I was in my early thirties and I would say that I, that was just what I, expected and that's what happened like there was no conversation around it right versus I think now a decade later, you know, I would maybe handle it differently.

Yeah. So you were in fellowship, you graduated, you took your time off. And how long was it between the two?  

Not very long. 

Like 18 

months. Wow. Yes, we didn't quite plan it that quickly. But guys, um, I definitely got pregnant very quickly with our second. And that was definitely challenging because now I have a job.

I, you know, I actually like have a real, real job. I'm not just like in training. I have a real job, have a real schedule, real patients.  You know, I'm responsible for, and I have a toddler. So that was a little chaotic. I can't say that I remember too much of those very early years. Right. And then, and then she was also born a little preterm. 

A 

few weeks early. Um,  born a couple of weeks early, but my second was born like four weeks early, five weeks early. Um, I broke my water. And so, uh, that was, that was really unexpected. I mean, I said the first one was unexpected. She was a couple of weeks early, but this was like really, and I had actually, unlike my first where we didn't really have time, you know, before and things like that.

This time I had, you know, taken the full four weeks. Like before my due date and the full three months after and all of that But I didn't even make it to my four weeks before because she, you know, even before that. , were you in California already? 

Yeah, 

I was in 

California. Yeah, that was my first job and yeah.

Mm hmm 

Oh, yeah, cuz you only you had that one job and then you stayed and then left Yep, Okay So did, was she in the NICU? She was in the NICU for like, three days. 

Oh, okay. 

Yeah. So, not too bad, but 

still scary. Not too bad. Yeah, it's still scary and, you know, just any time. I don't know, preterm, right?

Yeah. Um, but she did, she did great. And, three days, yeah. But I still went home, like, after a couple days. And, and, I had a day of, you know,  sleep, I will say. Which, for which I was very grateful for, and then, and then my 

baby came home, and, you know, it was busy. That's so interesting. I've never heard a NICU mom say, Yeah, I got some sleep while the baby was in NICU.

But that is a perspective.  And y'all had the same level of help  for the second one as well.  

I'm trying to think for this. So for the second one, um, so my, my first was in, in daycare and then I, because, well, I was home because I had, you know, I took the three months after and, um, I actually had four months off after she was born because she was preterm.

I took that one month. You know, I still had that one month before her due date, so I was actually home for four, months, which was good. Um, my mom came for a little while. Um, she was, she was actually traveling and she didn't make it for the birth because it was like preterm. But, um, she came after her travel.

She stayed for maybe, I think three weeks or something. And then after that, I mean, since I was home, I didn't really  get a nanny or anything, um, until, until it was time for me to go back to work.  Interesting. 

Did your husband take any time off?  

Yeah. So he actually took, um, I think four or five months off. 

Yeah. 

well damn. Where was 

he working? Yeah, so he was in a tech company and  they gave him, he actually had six months of paternity leave, which he didn't have the first time around, you know, when we had our first child. So for our second, he happened to be working in a company that gave him that time. So after I did my, you know, after I stayed home for the first few months, then he took another four months off.

 Which was great.  And then we had a nanny after that. 

Mm-hmm . 

That is very interesting for a couple of reasons. So he was the primary like caretaker for those four months. 

Yeah. 

How was that? You know, I was actually very 

surprised because I was, you know, my husband, uh, you know, he takes his homework very seriously.

And this was like.  eight years ago when paternity leave was, I think just sort of coming out. And, it was not all the men took paternity leave and maybe it was even, I don't know, looked frowned upon at that time. I think now it's a little more, it's getting more normalized, which was not the case at that time, but.

yeah, he was, I was like, well, you get six months off. Like maybe you want to take three or four months. And he, so he, he still, I mean, he took it off, but I mean, he was still like doing some work, but again, because she was a baby, a lot of it was like sleep five hours,  be up for, you know, it was, it was sort of like this.

Yeah,  I don't think he would have been able to manage like, like, I don't know what toddler maybe at that point, but I think he was fine with that. And it worked out. , and I think he actually cherished those moments too. I, I see a lot of like videos now of the two of them from that time. 

Yeah, that's sweet. Okay. And then while the other one was in daycare, so maybe if she wasn't, that would have been like, Hmm, I'm not doing this. Yeah, I think that would 

have 

been a lot. 

Um, but, . I think I dropped our other, our first one at daycare, and I think he picked her up, or one of, I don't remember which way it was, um, but he was essentially, primarily the, the person at home with her, so for the first, really, seven, eight months, yeah, of her life, yeah, so she had one of the parents, which was great.

That's nice. Yeah, it was dramatically different from my first. Yeah. Why you literally had just a year before so it's very interesting to actually see how life  changes so quickly, right and circumstances and Yeah, it was like a completely different experience 

Yeah, it sounds like it like it was a nice experience though.

Yeah. No, it was really good And you know, I really I felt like this time it was nice to have the time off because again I had a toddler too so So it was just really, I mean, I had two kids in diapers and so it was just really overwhelming 

and 

there was just a lot to do and so it was nice to actually, like, not worry about work.

Yeah. Yeah. And how did your daughter handle the new baby? Oh, cause she was too small maybe to even really It 

was like, I mean, I think first it was, yeah, I don't think she really understood what was going on, but there wasn't much. Yeah. Yeah.  She was only like 17 or 18 months.

So it was, it was pretty,  it was smooth. And she was, she, 

We kept her routine with, 

you know, 

just because I was at home,

I didn't like 

not send her to daycare. 

I was like, 

no, no, no. 

You keep doing 

your thing. 

Dr. Toya: That is good advice. 

Let's just sit on that for a second. Yes. Because I pulled my son out because it was flu season 

and I'm like 

get freaked out about stuff like that.

It's the biggest mistake

I ever made.

Because it was...

to get him back into school 

was rough 

and he was just 

bouncing off the walls. And so, good for you. 

Dr. Cheruba: Yeah.

So that was,

I was very particular about that. I was like, I want to keep her schedule going 

so I don't mess her up.

And then also 

take on extra work for me, right?

Um, because I was dealing with like, Oh my goodness, my baby was preterm. Is she going to be okay? I mean, she was fine, 

but you 

know, in my mind, I'm like, you're going to meet our milestones. I'm like kind of freaking out. And, and so I didn't want to be like, Oh, I'm home. Let me just take on all the, all the kids.

Right. And my husband was very supportive in that sense too. He was like, yeah, she should just keep going to school. You focus on.  The baby and yeah, 

yeah, that was a very smart decision and I'm glad that he supported you in that because if you all had different opinions, I would have been yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Okay. So you were like, you know what? I just really, I really want another baby.   How soon did you start having those thoughts? Like, did you push yourself to wait or it just came out of nowhere? Yeah. You know, 

it was a while. we were, I think initially I thought that I would only want two and we had talked about two and we were like, okay, you know, we both come from a family of two kids.

So two was like, you know,  good, pretty good. And my husband was like, yup, I'm, I'm done. to girls and I'm great and I was like okay that's all you know we both felt like we were done and then maybe about like three years after I was like oh but I would love like a third and we had a little bit of a different you know difference of opinion here because my husband was like well but we have it pretty good like you know two kids they were really great kids and he's like everything is good like you know do you really want to like mess that 

 That's hilarious,  

right?

And like we were, you know, we were at the height of our careers or like starting to take off. He was in a startup. So he was working like crazy hours. And so, I will say that, yeah, that was, we definitely had a little bit of a difference in opinion about that. So we, we waited a little bit more, you know, we were like, okay, let's just maybe in like, let's revisit in like six months. 

And then I was like, okay, well, what about, you know, what do you think? And he's like, okay. You know, um, he was like, I think, I think at that point his career had settled a little bit and I think he was willing to maybe take the maybe take the plunge of, 

 so I feel like this comes up a lot though. Like I see a lot of posts.

I really, I want a third, I don't know. What is it like? How did it come up for you? Like, what thoughts were going through your mind? Um, talk to me about that. About having a 

third? 

Yeah, like when you saw again the desire. Did you wake up one day and was like, you know what? I think I want a third baby.

Yeah, like that's sort of how it was for me. and  Even I was like, well, I'm kind of rolling the dice, you know, as we know, like labor and delivery can be kind of crazy. You just never know what's going to happen as obstetricians ourselves. Right. So I had to kind of sit with that. Like, do I really want to roll the dice?

I mean, I had a preterm baby this last time. Like, what if now I have like an even more preterm, right? Like there's, there's too risk to all of the things  but I just couldn't shake like the thought of like, Oh, I don't want to kind of miss out. And I personally also would like loves the idea of having a little boy.

and of course there's no guarantee about not like any of these things. Um, my husband was cool with two girls. He was, he was good. And, um, I get asked that question a lot by the way, because a lot of. People think like, you know, this Indian  stereotype of, men wanting boys. But my husband was actually cool.

But I actually, we don't have a lot of boys in our family. So I was like, Oh, it'd be kind of nice. You know, I have a sister. He has a sister. Um, all our cousins, I feel like our girls, like we just don't have a lot of like boys and I was like, Oh, it'd be really nice. And. Um, so then I just decided to go for it knowing that I was also at a point in my life where I could get more help.

 I could arrange for, you know, more help before, after, somebody to clean my house, somebody to, you know, cook meals for me if I wanted. Like, we were at a point of our lives that we were willing to, you know, spend on those things and we actually saw those as, like, necessary. Um, versus, you know, Being a resident maybe and having three kids or, you know, we were in a different point in our lives.

So, I think that also, like, played into it.  

Yeah. Well, I just want to say there are a lot of people right now who are making and attending money and still don't want to pay for meal service and don't want to pay for cleaning. So, tell them, Dr. Cheruba, about how it's a necessity. Please. 

I mean, my life would not be happening if I did not have all the help that I do have.

And I'm not ashamed to say I will list out all the help I have right now. I will encourage everybody who can to do this. Yeah. So I have an au pair. Um, I've had an au pair now for five years. So she lives with us. Um, she does drop off, uh, pick up. Um, and even on my day off, um, you know, she'll work a few hours so I can go to the gym and I can get my nails done or whatever it is that I want to do.

So au pair is key. So we have an au pair. , and then I have somebody to cook meals for me, and my husband. So the au pair cooks for our kids, but I do have somebody cooking for my husband and I. She'll drops off, drops off the food Monday, um, for the week, which is really great. I've had somebody to clean our house for a long time, every two weeks.

so that's really good. And she folds all my laundry. Um,  and then what else? Um, I guess that's 

it. Those are big ones. Those are big ones. Yes. And just so y'all know, Dr. Cheruba is my inspiration for how I live my life.  She's the one who encouraged me to get an au pair and the one who gave me an idea to get a meal service just for me and my husband, which is what we did before we went to Trinidad.

Yep. 

Totally. Oh, and I also recently, this is my, now I'm really feeling luxurious. I got a personal assistant. 

Yes. So, 

um, yeah, my daughter turns 10 this weekend and I had her book the party place, you know, order the food, order the cake. you know, and these are things that with three kids and running my own practice and my husband runs his own business.

Like these are things that we don't want to fight about. We don't want to fight about

Oh, who's gonna, 

oh my gosh the birthday's here, 

like who's gonna...

why didn't you order this?

Like,

who's gonna do that?

Or 

Oh the house is such a mess like 

why can't you be more tidy. Eat Like these are things that we just decided 

we were not gonna fight about. 

And you know these  make 

and break relationships, 

in my opinion.

And so these were things

that we were happy 

to pay somebody 

to just take care of us, um, to take care of for us. So we can spend 

that time maybe going 

on a date night 

or working out. Like I said, we've probably been in the best shapes in our lives. Both my husband and I,

because which, 

which would seem a little contradictory

in the beginning, 

cause you're like,

how do you have three small kids 

and run these practices 

and businesses and do all this?

But the key is getting help. And I know, Dr. Toya, this is something that I've heard on your podcast over and over again. And I know that this is something you speak about. In fact, I just saw a reel this morning  about how you have Friday mornings off.  She wants to take your kids to school, right? Or your daughter to school.

And, um, it's all about dividing and conquering. And I think. Probably in parenthood. I think that's the biggest lesson that I've learned. Which has made a big difference in my, in my life, my kids lives and my marriage, to be honest.  

I just, I didn't want to speak so that we get a nice, clear recording of that beautiful speech about the importance of help.

And I like how you framed it as something that prevents you from fighting because I don't think people think about it that way. You think about it as, you know, this is a bougie thing or, you know, I don't, I can't afford it or whatever is the context, which you put help, but it really just saves arguments. 

Totally. It's just, like, why discuss who's going to clean the toilet? Just don't do it. 

Exactly. Exactly. And, I think people, if you really look at,  arguments in marriage. A lot of it comes from, well, who's doing this or that or, well, I don't have energy to do that. Okay. Let's just not do that. Um, because I don't want to do it.

And you know, like just all this back and forth about various things and, let alone like time to actually go out on a date. Like, so, I think it's really something to,  to consider. And that's probably the biggest piece of advice I give like new parents all the time. Yeah. 

Yeah, that's a great piece of advice and let me tell y'all I see when on I go on Instagram Dr.

Cheruba and her husband have jet set it off to Vegas for their date night so if you want to Be like them get somebody to watch your kids cook your food and do your laundry and get a personal assistant and you too could be flying to Vegas for a date night  Truth. Hashtag truth. Love it. Love it. You know, as you were talking, telling the story about wanting your third, I was like, damn, I'm not out of the woods yet, because my daughter's only one.

When you said it was three years later, I was like, oh. Because I am so sure, so sure, like, vasectomy sure, that we are done. But are you telling me that it's possible in two years? I may want another baby. Is that what you're 

really telling me? I mean, it's totally possible, but I will say that  as much as I wanted a third, I was not going to go, let's see, against kind of, if it was a visceral feeling from my husband, I wasn't going to go against that.

Because I also. Fully understand as we just talked about help, you know, you need both people to be on the same page Obviously, um because you don't I as a as an OBGYN I talk to my patients about this often you don't want resentment later with God forbid something didn't go right or Or just even if everything went right, like you don't want to be the one waking up every single night to feed the baby or change the diaper, you do as much of other help  that you have, you still want your partner to be on board.

So I think that's, that was also like a point that I was considering. Yeah. 

Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll see.  We'll see. Yes. To be determined. Absolutely not. I rebuke you. 

I'm over it. No.  So, Dr. Cheruba, this was amazing. I loved hearing everything about all of your kids and how, you know, you all made your decisions and the wonderful advice that you have. Do you have anything else that you want to share with other physician moms out there?  

Yeah, you know, one other thing that I will mention through all this help, you know, family coming in, aunties, nannies, au pair, all these things, um, I realize now, of course, this is in hindsight, um, after I've had my three kids, that it's always best to communicate with your partner about it.

you know, help that comes in. And this, this can get really tricky because sometimes it's your family and you know, you're so attached to your sister or your mom or your grandmother or whoever it is that's helping, but also just having an open communication with your partner. About things that may annoy them or how, you know, how did they, how they can support you during this time?

Like, hey, I know so and so may not be your favorite, but this is what I need at this time and and really just being open And I think honest and vulnerable with your partner is really important rather than just kind of brushing it off Because that can also build resentment and that's something that I've noticed over time too.

So I think just You know, learning how to kind of build some boundaries. at getting the help that you need, but also acknowledging how some situations may not be ideal for everyone involved. But this is what you need at this time, you know? 

Yeah. So you've piqued my interest. Are you saying that y'all had some friction with respective family members? 

Well, yeah, sometimes, you know, our third was during COVID. And so that was even harder because Everybody had different opinions on, well, who should go out and who should not and you know, should this person come to our house after going to this event or, you know, all these  different emotions that bubble through and, um, and that can be hard as the pregnant woman. 

person too, because you're like, okay, yes, I'm trying to protect my baby and I, but I need help and I don't want to hurt so and so's feelings, things like that. And so in retrospect, I think I wish I would have had, you know, slightly clearer boundaries. even with, even with family members,, and also with my husband and just also like, like acknowledging, um, some of these attitudes or frustrations rather than just like sweeping them under the rug.

Yeah. 

Yeah. I think that's important. that's a good point for family members and in laws is because you can, on the one hand, get very defensive of your family. 

Yes. And it 

causes you to forget, That your husband may have a point.  

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I think we definitely had some of those situations, especially around COVID.

You know, yeah, especially during COVID. That's I think when we started to have some friction. there was like a wedding that, you know, my mom wanted to go to and it was weeks away from when my son was supposed to be born. But then we were like, Oh, well, what if he came early and then that would mess it up.

Then. You know, there's just all these and it's hard to kind of think objectively sometimes at that time, you know, emotions are running high and so I think Having a plan like maybe ahead of time to would have been  Also good like hey, this is happening. Let's convene. Let's just talk about it objectively and And really having that and I think as young moms as new moms sometimes  We don't, I mean, I know I didn't have the tools for that.

Now, you know, 

Now I have a coach. I matured. I've had three kids. Like it's, it's, I'm in a different space. Um, And so that's another thing 

I would really encourage 

young moms to do,

is get a coach. Dr. Toya, 

Stethoscope and Strollers. 

Hello. you know, Someone who has had kids

and who's been there, 

done that. 

And I think that's so invaluable.

Like, I mean, I wish I had that when I was a new mom. Right. 

So, um, because it would have 

given me the tools to 

advocate for myself. 

And it seems funny saying that 

when you're talking about 

your own family, 

but well,

sometimes like you need to, 

right? 

Like you need to do that. 

And so  I think coaching 

is so, amazing and

something that I really wish I had done. 

I didn't know about coaching 10 years ago, but you know, I just want 

to say I did not pay her to say that. No, no, not at all.  

I was going to say that anyway, but it would have really, it would really helped me navigate a lot of tricky situations and prevented unnecessary drama, honestly. And yeah, uh, I handle it very differently now, but I would have loved to have those tools as a new mom.

So, yeah. That's my so my first piece of advice is get all the help you can my second piece of advice is you know get a coach if you can even before you deliver because  things are gonna come up and You want to have those tools to navigate them? 

Yeah, and it's before is important too because there's some things You just don't even know that will be an issue  and Somebody who's been there and been through it can be like, Hey, did y'all talk about this?

Like, what about this? And you just don't know what you don't know. So it's definitely conversations that need to be had before, during, after all the things. And I must agree, having a coach is great. and you know, it just makes everything so much easier because you will figure it out. We did.  We figured out the hard way and as physicians, it is time for us to take the easy way out.

We did not get the easy way out for anything to get where we are. Now it's time. You do not have to figure it out on your own. There are coaches. I will help you. Somebody else like, just, just get the help. Um, so thank you for saying that, Dr. Cheruba. 

Yes, definitely. I mean, you know,

instead of,

I don't know,

all these other things

that people get in 

baby showers now, you know,

Hey, please contribute towards my coaching fund. Um, Because it's so important for your mental health too. And, um, so yeah. 

Yeah, of course. So  tell  anybody who's listening about your absolutely wonderful practice and where they can find you.  

I'm a gynecologist and a minimally invasive surgeon and a menopause practitioner in San Francisco Bay Area and California in the town of Lafayette, and so I take care of women with fibroids, ovarian cysts endometriosis, pelvic pain, or those who just want a good gynecologist for their annual exam.

So I provide boutique care for women through all phases of life. and so you can find me here and also on social media at the fibroid doc.  

And what is the name of your practice? Oh yeah, my 

practice is called La Morinda Gynecology and Surgery. Wonderful. 

And yes, this is the kind of care that you want. Um, and Dr. Cheruba has been an inspiration for me all these years. When I had that flicker of an idea that I was going to open a practice, I was going to be just like her. But then that, that, I quickly got  smushed and I came to my senses and now, as she said, I am a coach for physician moms in the early years of motherhood because we went through it, so you do not have to.

And it is my goal that every physician mom has the best time and it's not just waiting and pushing through until the kids get older. You can enjoy motherhood now. You can advance your career now. You can start practices like Dr. Cheruba. You can do all of that now. Communicate better with your husband, and you can do it by figuring it out on your own, or you can get help.

So definitely schedule a free coaching session if you are interested in just fast tracking your way to joy in motherhood and medicine. So, Dr. Cheruba, it has been amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story and all of your wonderful advice. I'm so, so happy.  

Thank you so much for having me. This is so much fun.

All right, Doc. I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers. Bye.