65. No Judgment, Just Joy: Be the Mom You Want to Be

Hey Doc —

So… are you a Meghan or a Mindy?

This episode was inspired by With Love, Meghan on Netflix — and one very honest moment between Meghan, Duchess of Sussex and her guest, Mindy Kaling.

Meghan? Fully in her element: cooking, entertaining, feeding people with joy.
 Mindy? Fully supportive — and also like, “Yeah, I pay someone for that.”

Both women were showing up with clarity. And that got me thinking:
 Why do so many Physician moms feel like they have to pick a side — and then explain it to everyone?

Here’s what I’m unpacking in this episode:

🔸 Why your joy doesn’t have to look like someone else’s
🔸 The difference between inspiration and pressure
🔸 How burnout can dim even the things we usually love
🔸 And why standing firm in your identity — whether in motherhood or medicine — matters more than ever

This isn’t an episode about choosing between the soft life and outsourcing.
 It’s a reminder that you get to decide what kind of life feels good to you — and you don’t have to apologize for it.

🎧 Tune in now, and send this to the Physician mom in your life who needs permission to stop performing and start owning who she is.

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Transcript

 Hey Doc, tell me, are you a Megan or are you a Mindy? I am talking about Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex's special on Netflix with love, Meghan. So I watched it, uh, maybe like a couple weeks ago for the first time.

You know, I was actually a fan of hers back when she was on suits, and then the quality of the show went down. So then I stopped and kind of forgot about her, and then, remember that she existed when everybody else did, when she started dating her now husband. And I've always been team Megan because I'm rooting for everybody black, and I won't even go into her whole identity as a black woman.

That is not the point of this episode, but I really. Dislike the hate that she gets because I do think a lot of it is steeped in racism and just the disgust that people have with seeing a black woman living a very soft life, even though her life isn't really that soft, 'cause I surely wasn't doing that.

But anyway, because of all of that, this show naturally got a lot of hate and, uh. In my, I'm rooting for everybody black practice. I was like, let me just watch it to give her some views because I am not that type of person. I do. I am Martha Stewart. Like all those kind of cooking shows, not interested, lifestyle, whatever.

It's just not my thing. I was like, I need something mindless. I am just gonna watch it, give her the numbers, and you know, it'll just release my mind and I won't have to really pay attention. But I actually really enjoyed it. The first episode was kind of awkward, but the rest of it was really nice and it actually inspired me too.

Maybe start cooking a little bit more. I was like, yeah, I could encourage my children to eat more vegetables and I can grow things. Like I felt very inspired. The inspiration hasn't turned into action quite yet, but I felt inspired and I really enjoyed.

Watching how happy it made her. 'cause it seems like she really does enjoy cooking and feeding people and the social aspect of it. But my favorite episode was the episode with Mindy Kaling because I am totally Mindy her general vibe was, this is beautiful, this is great, but I'm not doing that. they were talking about.

Planning for her kids' birthdays or her daughter's birthdays or whatever. And Mindy was like, yeah, the person who I pay  does this stuff. And I was like, yes, because ain't nobody got time for that. And even at some point coming to the end, she was basically like, yeah, this is all great, but um, I'm not doing it, but this is good.

Good for you. And I just love that she owned that and she was even on the show as a friend and was enjoying making all these things, but was just like, yeah, I'm. I'm not gonna do any of this. That kind of honesty and knowledge of thyself is something I really respect and related to. And I think it should be aspirational because I know there are a lot of people who are also like, I'm not doing any of this.

But they feel bad, they feel pressured to, and they feel like they're a bad mother if they don't. And you know, they'll look at people like Megan and be like, oh my gosh, I should be doing X, Y, Z. And not in an inspirational way, like. How I felt when I watched, but in the, I feel like a terrible person type of way, and I really think that whoever you are, if you're a Meghan or if you're a Mindy, just own it and don't impose it on other people.

One thing that I didn't like a little bit was I got a vibe from Meghan that, you know, everybody should be. Doing this. It's, it's not that hard. It's easy. Just do a little bit of it just, and you know, it's her show and it's her belief that it's easy and good for your family.

And all of those things may be true, however, that is heading in a direction I feel to make other moms feel bad. Um, it's, it's giving a little bit of mom shaming and that is not my cup of tea. It's not something that I really like. However, if you are like, this is what I think is important, this is what I enjoy.

This is my love language. This is what I want to do for my family. Do it. Be a Meghan, right? And if it brings you joy, it's not something to outsource. Because you could see, when you watch that show, it brings her joy. It's just not something that brings me joy at all. At all. And if it is something that brings you joy, making sure that you have the room, the breath.

To be able to enjoy those things with your family. And you had to know I was coming back here outsourcing the other things that you have to do to make sure that you have the time and the energy to do these things. Because if you are so over leveraged, so overwhelmed that you don't have time for anything.

Even something that brings you this much joy, that feels so good, that is your love language can feel like just one other thing to do, one other piece of yourself that you're not able to tend to. And that adds to the burnout. It adds to this feeling of this can't be it. Like I need more. I just can't wait until I feel better.

Like I just, I don't feel like myself. When you deny that type of fulfillment, that type of enjoyment of motherhood and of life, you end up feeling, blah, that's a perfect word. 

And you know what else I loved? When you talk about owning who you are and your identity and being firm about it and confident is when she corrected Mindy Kaling, when she called her Meghan Markle. I just thought that was so wonderful. 'cause she didn't do it in a. Bad way. She didn't make her feel bad.

She was just like, you know, you are saying Meghan Markle, but it's, it's Sussex now. You know? And she talked about how important it was to her to have the same last name as her kids. And I, I love that. I love that she didn't let it slide. It didn't matter that they were recording. She obviously didn't ask them to edit it out, but it was just like, well, no, this is, this is not my name anymore.

I have this new identity, one that I am proud of and one that I deserve. After all the bullshit that I went through, she didn't say that, but I'm adding that in.  Her identity is as a wife, as a mother, it is clear that this is part of her identity and. Yeah, she's gonna correct you.

And I just found that was so refreshing and so wonderful because a lot of people would just not correct somebody when they call them the wrong name or they pronounce the name incorrectly or feel bad about it. Or you could look at it and say, oh, well that was your name.

That is her name. It's not a big deal. But no, it's important to her. She corrected her in a very friendly way, very nice way, explained why, expressed herself about why this was something that was significant. And yeah, I just, I just absolutely loved it. So in that respect, I am a little bit of a Meghan because names are a big deal to me, and maybe that's why it stuck out to me so much as this wonderful thing.

I always strive to pronounce people's names correctly and I want to know what you wanna be called. If you have a name that is more difficult to pronounce in a tongue that I'm not familiar with. All of these things, you know, spellings, all of that stuff, it's, it is a big deal. 'cause it's who you are, right?

It is your identity. And it's a, a matter of respect just as much as us as female physicians being called by our title. why do you think I refer to you as Doc every single time, and when I refer to my clients, it's Dr. X, y, Z., my VAs know to always address all of my clients as.

Doctor, whoever, anybody who emails me, just assume that they're a doctor. It's the same thing, that same level of respect for the name that you want to be called. So I just absolutely loved that she did that and that it wasn't edited out. So yeah, I'll claim a little bit of a Meghan there.

And so if you are Meghan and you wanna do these things, do it. Make it happen. You deserve to. Have that type of enjoyment in your life.

And if you are a Mindy, stand on it. Don't let anybody make you feel bad. you and I on the same page. Everybody own who you are and make it happen. Don't judge anybody else and be confident in it, that that's it. Right? And if you haven't watched a show, go and watch it. Give us some numbers. It's a very nice relaxing show to watch, and it's at a beautiful set.  That's another thing that I enjoyed, that it was no pretending that this was not a set.

She said, this is not my house. She said, you know, when I came to set, they showed the camera people and the crew and she fed them it. That's what I, I really liked that about it. It seemed like her, that she was in her element and it was just this friendly, good place to come and do something that she loved  and shared with other people.

, so that part was nice.   So I recommend that you go watch it. It's on Netflix. It's coming back for a second season. Good for her. You know, she deserves some, some joy, after everything that she has been through and she deserves some. Unconditional support, which I am happy to give her, right? Because lots of people have support that they don't quote unquote deserve. so I'm, I'm happy to give her that. And I encourage you, even if you don't support her, just go watch it. It's nice, you know, go roast some tomatoes on the vine.

You might get inspired. So let me know if you go watch it. I wanna know if you enjoyed it, if you felt inspired, and if you are a Megan or if you are a Mindy, remember there's no judgment. Just owning who you are, right? So share this episode with another physician mom who needs to own whether she is doing all the cooking and decorating, or if she's paying somebody to do it who just needs to feel confident in her decision on who she is.

Make sure you leave a five star review on Apple Podcast, a five star rating everywhere else. And don't forget to subscribe, follow on the socials, do all the things, and I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.