66. Permission to Be Left Alone on Mother’s Day

Hey Doc —

Mother’s Day is coming up. And whether you're excited, dreading it, or just… indifferent, I want you to hear this clearly:

You deserve what you want for Mother’s Day.

If you want brunch and balloons — I hope you get them.
 If you want a quiet day to yourself with no one touching you, asking you for anything, or expecting you to perform joy — I hope you get that too.

Let this episode be your reminder that:

✔ You don’t need to celebrate Mother’s Day the way others think you should
 ✔ Wanting solitude doesn’t make you a bad mom
 ✔ It’s okay to feel conflicting things — joy, guilt, relief, longing — all at once
 ✔ You deserve a day that feels like yours — even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else

Happy early Mother’s Day, Doc. However you choose to spend it, I hope it feels like yours.

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Transcript

  Happy Mother's Day doc.  Mother's Day is this coming Sunday, so this is an early Mother's Day message, and I have decided that my message for Mother's Day is going to be the same every single year, and that message is, you deserve what you want for Mother's Day.

Especially if what you want is a day where you are alone, you deserve it. Doc, Don't let anybody make you feel bad if you don't want to go to the Mother's Day brunch.

If you don't want to go to your in-laws,  you don't wanna see your husband, or the people that made you a mother, that is fine. I hope after a year of listening to this podcast, you now feel empowered to speak your truth and to tell them, I don't want to see y'all. I hope that the guilt is minimal, that this is how you feel and this is what you want. And of course not everybody is going to want this. Right? And I understand that there are people who want to spend Mother's Day with their family and want the big thing, and that is great for you. 

The whole point of Stethoscopes and Strollers  and my platform Dr. Toya Coaching, and everything that I'm about is for us to know what we want. To know what our inner desires are, to have the mental space to acknowledge them, to be confident enough to own them, and to express them unapologetically.

That is my desire, and I speak to the desire of being alone because it is the one that is most often. Judged and people feel bad about expressing because you're supposed to want to be with your kids and to have the celebration and you're supposed to visit your in-laws or your mother or because that's what a good mom does.

And we are not about other people's definitions of good here. That's why I focus on the sub, the subset of moms who just want to be left alone. And also because there may be some of you that are out there listening that have the desire but refuse to even admit it to yourself. 

So this is my permission for you to, if there's an inkling of, I just wanna be left alone. I just want nobody to ask me for anything.  I don't wanna be touched, I don't want to... nothing. Leave me alone. It's okay doc. Just tell them. And it's also okay  if you feel like that, but you also  simultaneously feel like, but I want my babies. I'll miss them,  but I don't mind seeing them a little bit. It's okay.  That's motherhood.  It doesn't make any sense. No judgment.  All of how you feel is okay,  and you deserve to feel all of those feelings and to not be understood. And to be what some people will think is unreasonable. You deserve it. Just because. 

So I hope whatever you decide to do on Sunday is exactly what you want to do, exactly how you wanna spend your time.

You get exactly what gifts you want because you deserve it. So happy Mother's Day, and I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.