80. The Empowered Exit - Part 1: How to Leave Your Job Without Losing Yourself

Hey Doc,

Let’s talk about how to actually leave your job.

If you’re burnt out, disrespected, or just ready for more alignment, you’ve probably heard the fear-driven advice: “Don’t burn bridges.” But let’s be honest, that advice often keeps us stuck in situations that chip away at our confidence and well-being.

In Part 1 of this two-part series, I break down the real reasons why so many physician moms hesitate to leave toxic work environments, and what we’re actually afraid of. I share my own story of walking away and why that decision, though scary, was deeply freeing.

I walk you through the mindset shifts and logistical prep you need before giving notice. We’re talking contracts, conversations, credentialing, money, and most importantly, the self-trust to know you’ll be okay because:

You don’t need another job lined up to walk away from a toxic one. You need a plan. You need self-trust. And you need the courage to honor yourself — even if it shakes your whole identity.

This episode is for you if you’ve ever thought: I want to burn the whole place down... but I’m scared to light the match.

🎧 Tap play and start preparing your empowered exit.

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Transcript

Hey Doc, let's talk about how to leave work.

I know this is something that is very important, especially for early career physicians because the truth is you're not gonna stay at your first job for more than three years. I think the statistic is so let's talk about best practices while leaving, especially in the context of burnout or negative situation, because I hear a lot about the concern surrounding burning bridges. I have some very strong feelings about that.

If you could imagine. I have strong feelings about something, so I want to talk about that and then get into the steps that I recommend for leaving the job. So you are stressed out. You are overworked. You are underpaid. You're experiencing discrimination. Your office manager is terrible. There's favoritism in the department.

Whatever reason you are like, I need to get outta here. But there's this idea about, you know, my specialty is really small. It's a good old boys club. Or you know, people may talk about me. I just don't want to burn bridges. And the result of thinking that way the fear of burning bridges often keeps people stuck where they are, keeps them tolerating bad situations for a lot longer than they need to, and delaying putting in the notice and more than putting in the notice, it leads to a delay in honoring oneself and caring for oneself because of all of these. Sometimes made up reasons for not wanting to leave when it's really just based in fear and not to dismiss any situations where people have had, where they have been blackballed and they have been prevented from getting another job 'cause I am sure it has happened.

However, I feel by and large, the fear about burning bridges is usually worse than the actuality of what happens. And also in those terrible situations where there's bad behavior, where people are spiteful and speak badly of someone because a bridge was burned. The fact that we don't talk about it, that it's not national news within our physician community means that it's just gonna continue.

And that is the main problem with this whole concept of leaving gracefully and not burning bridges, and don't say too much and maintain your professional etiquette. When we are ruled by that culture, people continue to be toxic.

They continue to be racist, they continue to be sexist. They continue to do all the things that are making us leave in the first place because nobody is willing to talk about it. And even after you actually leave, nobody actually knows the reason that you left because you don't wanna burn a bridge. So we are then continuing to be complicit in this toxic culture that we have in medicine where nobody is held accountable

but I understand how scary that may be, and some people may even think, you know, it's, it's reckless to speak about these things out in the open, but then, it begs the question, how will anything ever change? Are we just gonna wait for these people to die out? Because, you know, usually it's older white men that are facilitating these kinds of environments, but not always.

So if we are so interested in changing, changing the environment, changing the culture, who is going to act? You know who is going to stand up, and I really don't have the answer. It's all well and good for me to say these things because I am not in your situation, right? I can only speak from my experience and the experiences of all of the people that I have coached who have gone through these transitions and all of the other people that I, I've not directly coached, but spoken to regarding this So if you are in this situation where you're just like, I am sick of this place. I'm worried about burning bridges, but what I really wanna do is 📍 burn this @f#$!g* place down. I want you to listen to 📍 this episode. And I don't want you to be held back from honoring your truth and honoring yourself.

Because of that worry, I'm gonna go through different ways so that you can leave gracefully and still not feel like a piece of your soul is being chipped away because you're not standing in integrity and you're not standing up for yourself. 'cause that's what happens, right? When you know all of these terrible things are happening and you are forced to not speak, or you choose not to speak because of this concern about burning bridges, there's always something in the back of your mind saying, oh, I, I should have said something.

I wish I could have said something. What happens to the next person? This is just gonna continue. Nothing is gonna change. Most people are going to have those thoughts, and I want you to look back at this entire thing and be proud about how you handle it and feel empowered and confident about your decision and how you exited.

So I want to talk about my experience leaving my last job because it was not a, a positive exit. Everybody knew I was very unhappy and there was no pretending that that was not the case.

So when I gave my notice, my chief actually sat me down in her office and we talked about why I was leaving, and I was very honest with her and I've always been honest with her. And she said she understood. And We still left on good terms.

I knew that I could count on her for letters of recommendation and I was told if I ever wanted to come back that I could,

you know, I don't think my chief, was anything special. She's a lovely woman. But to say that that situation was completely unique, I think is, is erroneous. You know, I actually ended up going back there twice, in fact, on my own terms. So I knew I was never gonna be fully employed and I needed to do cases.

So once I went back to just do some surgeries, and then I also went back to do some labor and delivery shifts, and both times I was like, no.

There are a lot of beliefs that we have about the things we cannot and cannot do. As we transition in and outta these jobs and what we are told to expect and told that we can't do, but I really want to encourage you to expand what you think is possible. I'm not saying that every situation is gonna be like mine, but there's a, it's a possibility.

So to just put a blanket statement that you cannot, express your discontent about a job if you leave, is just like me saying, well, everybody's gonna have a positive experience. And just flip them off as you leave and you'll be fine. There's a spectrum of things that could happen, but being open to the possibility that you can be true to yourself and still.

Maintain your professional integrity and maintain your reputation is really important

so let's get into how we are going to leave this job feeling empowered and joyful. These steps, the whole point is to prepare for your exit, right, to plan and prepare. So you do so in the best way possible with the least amount of drama and the most informed and the most empowered. So a lot of this stuff will be you doing it before you give in your notice so that you are set up for success.

Okay. So unsurprisingly, I'm gonna start with mindset and I just get your mind right, know why you are leaving this job, and feel conviction in your decision.

That doesn't mean you have no doubt. It doesn't mean you don't have any sadness. It doesn't mean you don't have any fear. You don't have to have the absence of those things to know that this is the right decision, and frankly, it is common to still have doubt and fear when you're making such a big transition. Leaving employment can be scary for most people. Like we are taught and trained that this is what we do. We go out and we get employed. So this idea of not having employment is a big deal. So you need to get your mind right to endure this process. Because if you are doubting yourself at every step and internalizing a lot of outside advice, which is not helpful for you, it's gonna make the process even more difficult.

So next you are going to talk to people in your group, your practice, who have already left. So chances are if it's a toxic place, somebody's left. They have a revolving door, right? and if that person left while you were there, maybe you know them. Give them a call once you feel like you can trust them and find out how the process went for them.

If you're the first person to leave in a long time and you don't have anybody to talk to, this may not be an option, but definitely use that resource if you have it.

And they can tell you what to look out for, they can tell you what to avoid because you want to learn from the experiences. And unfortunately, not everybody has this abundance mindset and collaborative mindset. So you really have to know who you're talking to to make sure that you don't get screwed,

And because you're in your information gathering phase after you've gotten your mind right, and you're like, yes, I'm going to leave this place. You also want to see who else within the organization you can trust, right? So if you talk to hr, are they gonna talk to other people and tell your department, but really they have all of the information that you need.

So if there's somebody in there that is trusted or you know that it's set up in a such a way where the word won't get back. That is a valuable resource to get information from,

So the next thing that you want to do as you are planning. Start interviewing. Remember finding the job takes time, scheduling the interviews, take time. Doing the interviews takes time especially if you are going somewhere that's far away. And then when you actually get the job, negotiation takes time, and then credentialing takes time.

So if you feel like you, you want to go into another job, which we're gonna talk about a little bit later, you want to definitely start interviewing as you've made the decision. Like, yeah, I'm gonna leave and maybe even before you're sure.

Just start exploring what your options are and as soon as you make a decision, stop exploring and start making some actual action.

So I wanna talk about this idea of needing another job. And again, going back to my story of leaving. So I was at this job for, for three years, full scope, OBGYN went from residency to one job and then from one job to the the next. The traditional path. During that second job is when I started my business and it's that journey through entrepreneurship that really opened my eyes to the possibility outside of medicine and not just to leave medicine.

'cause that was not the goal when I started that business. But the fact that me being a doctor. Like having that medical degree made me very valuable. As somebody who has a lot of skills and a lot of things to offer to a lot of people, like being a doctor is a big deal and somehow it gets lost in all the training and all of our circles where everybody else is a doctor, somehow we forget.

And that journey through entrepreneurship reminded me of that. with this reminder or maybe newfound knowledge of my true value and the value of my degree I realized I did not need to take the burnout that I was in because my old job was the definition of golden handcuffs, great benefits, great pay, but there's a reason that they paid you that well so that you could tolerate the bullshit, right?

So when you have this new sense of self and sense of worth. The knowledge and like the deep belief that you will be okay. You can go anywhere. You can find a job that pays you. You can create a life for yourself that does not involve all of this and still be able to support your family. You tolerate a lot less.

And that's what happened to me. So when it came to the point where I had to buy shares and become a partner, I was just like, Hmm, I don't think so. This is not happening. And I left did I have a job?

No. Was I worried? No, because I knew that I would be okay. I knew I could just do locums while I figured out what else I was going to do. It just so happened that I never looked back and then transitioned again. And here we are, but. I use my experience because there is this very firm belief within the physician community that you must go from one job to the next job, that you will not be okay.

You will not be able to work again. You will be defamed and persona non grata and all of these things. And in general, it is not true. And in general, it is deeply rooted in fear of the unknown and maybe a little bit of financial irresponsibility for some people, or financial obligation, let's just say.

'cause irresponsible is a bit harsh and does not allow for people who have real dire financial straits. But this idea that you must. Have gainful employment before you leave is false, especially now, right? With the expansion of the popularity of locum tenens work and people leaving medicine left, right, and center, and just our communities being so strong and supportive and more open and able to talk about things and the surge of physician entrepreneurship and the resurgence of private practice.

You do not have to stay at this job. You do not have to, you do not have to wait until you get another contract in your hand to be okay. That is a lie that you're telling yourself because you're scared and it's okay to be scared, but it's necessary for you to realize it is just in fact that fear because it is keeping you stuck where you are

i'm not saying it will be super easy . you may have certain circumstances that will make it more ideal if you had a contract in hand, but for the majority of people that are in a toxic burn out situation and wanna leave their job, they can leave. You can put in your notice without a contract in hand because you will more than likely be okay.

And if you're really like, no, I, I really don't think I'll be okay, I have a unique situation. You wanna examine that situation because that is a thing between you and happiness between you and fulfillment between you and getting out of burnout. So if it's a money thing, what is the issue?

And then address it. If it's that you absolutely cannot be without a paycheck, then that's an issue that needs to be addressed and it can be addressed, right? If you have a bunch of credit card debt, or whatever it is, get a handle on that.

Not just because you want to leave your job, but because that's really important, Whatever the reason is, examine it. Because being beholden to any one job is not a good place to be. It's not an empowering place to be, and I want you to be empowered to take charge of your life and to be able to do whatever the hell you want

there's a difference. If you would just like to have another job, like you don't really wanna do locums, you don't wanna start any businesses, you don't wanna be nonclinical. You just, you don't wanna be bothered with any of it. You just want to have the ease of employment because in a lot of ways, being employed is easy, right?

You show up, somebody pays you and you're done. So it's different to say, that's what I want than to say, no, I have to be employed, I have to have another contract in hand because I, I can't leave. That's different. So I want you to really evaluate what is actually keeping you and is there something you can do about it?

Is there some professional that you can get to help you ? Do you need a CPA? Do you need a coach? Do you need a therapist because your self-worth is so low because of a trauma that you had when you were a kid and you don't think you'll ever get another job.

Whatever it is, deal with that because you will stay stuck. You'll stay in that job and things will only get worse if you believe that, one, you can't leave. And two, the only way you can leave is if you have another contract in hand because it may not actually happen for you. That way when I went over how long it may take for you to get that next job.

And actually start working there, actually start getting a paycheck. So there may be time and you just want to have the option of not needing to have something set up. And then there's the option of taking some time off.

Anytime you have a transition of employment, take some time off. We have pushed through since kindergarten. Most of us, no time off. Studying exams, training, pushing through, never with a break. The transition between jobs is the ideal time to reset, to travel, to sleep, to get pregnant, to do whatever it is you want.

You'll never get the time back. Don't wait until whenever. When else would you get two, three, even four months off at a time straight, which is how much time I took between my job and started my locums gig. No job is gonna give you that kind of vacation. Even if you have your own practice, are you really gonna take four months off?, You want to have that option. And it all starts with this belief That you do not have to have the job offer.

You do not have to have the contract, okay? So that was a very long tangent. But again, the, the mindset stuff, the things you think about the situation is the bulk of what is important to make the transition as empowered as possible.

Okay?

So long story short, yes, start interviewing. You can have your job, but just know you don't have to have a job to be able to leave and definitely not to make the decision to leave.

So remember, we're still in the information gathering phase. You want to check that contract and see what it says about termination. And very important to note, not all contracts have the information. If you have one of those very cookie cutter, standard short contracts, that's like two pages, chances are that's not where the information is. You may need to look for your bylaws or whatever your organization calls the place where all the information is about how you can terminate and how you can exit this job, right?

You want to get it from them, not word of mouth. You know, the word of mouth stuff was just to get experiences you want. Now, the actual official documents from your job about what it takes to leave. So once you have it, run it through an AI software notebook.

LM from Google is great so that it can pull out the relevant things for you about how you can leave and the things you need to look out for. You can also use chat GBT as well, but notebook LM is pretty good for, for things like this. And then you can have it explain things that you may not understand.

this is not in lieu of an attorney, which we will get to, but it is a helpful start so you have a baseline understanding of what your contract actually says. So some of the things that you're gonna be looking for, are what happens to your vacation when you put in your notice, are you gonna have bonus clawbacks?

Meaning, they give you a bonus at some point and you leave before a certain day and then you have to pay it back. what is happening with any type of tail insurance?

Very importantly, what is the notice period? Do you have one? Is it 90 days? Is it six months? Lord, I hope it's not six months. And then the non-complete and non-solicit clauses. And this is where the lawyer part comes in

and it may seem like overkill, especially if you're not in a super toxic situation, but you just want to be very sure that you're not missing anything and you don't get hemmed up with something that you missed.

Right? So particularly about the non-compete, you know, there was this federal ruling that non-competes are non constitutional or whatever, but it never really got enacted in a lot of places. And certain states they are pretty much like, eh, that's not, that's not gonna fly. Non-competes are nothing. Certain places they still hold firm.

So you want to make sure that based off of your situation, your contract, your location, that you know exactly what actually applies to you and what can be negotiated because even though it says you non-comp compete is 10 miles, you can, everything is negotiable.

Don't let anybody tell you it's not everything is negotiable. So if you have non-competes in your contract, it's worth the effort of at least talking to the lawyer and seeing if you wanna even go down that route to try and get it removed.

if it would mean that you won't have to move and you can actually get gainful employment somewhere else.

So next get your money right. This is gonna help you determine if all that stuff that I said applies to you or not, right? Because I can talk all I want. It's your life with your bank account. So you sit down and really look at your expenses, look at your cash flow. How much does it take to run your life? What do you have in savings?

What is in your emergency fund? If anything at all? What debt do you have? And just get it right. So you're not surprised by anything. And you know. Okay. I can't take a month off. Okay? I cannot take a month off. I need a job asap. I have enough to cover my tail or whatever else. You just need to know.

so you wanna sit down and get your money right?

Something else to consider is if you are in a loan forgiveness program, like how is this going to affect that? Are you gonna move to somewhere else that is in the same program that will honor the forgiveness also what's gonna happen to your retirement? Usually it's something that you can just roll over into some other type of 401k or you could actually even leave it.

I didn't take my 401k out for a while and then I moved it, so that's less of an emergency. If there's vesting, then that's something you want to look at. Like if you are like a couple months away from being fully vested, um, maybe that could affect your, notice date.

Right? So things like that for the money hold off a little bit longer sometimes. 'cause I'm definitely one who I left a lot of money behind for my decision to leave my job and there's like no regrets, but it's something to consider because I'll tell you, the third time that I left Kaiser, I put in my notice, I only realized this afterwards, but the day that everything cut off, it was like two days before I was gonna be fully vested in my little plan that where they did the full contribution.

But it was, it's, I'm laughing because it's funny, it, I had no regrets or anything like that, but I was just like, well damn, I missed out on, I miss out on free money. Anyway. So if you have like a true pension or anything like that, anything that has the option of you getting money that they would have been giving you while you were employed and therefore requires a vesting period, you wanna also take that into consideration.

And if you're like, this is a lot, I have a lot of moving parts, you may consider getting professional help like with a financial planner. Now I have a whole episode about financial planners. So all I'll say is hopefully it will be somebody who's a fiduciary and is just a fee only, as opposed to somebody that's on a retainer.

And this is just like a one-time thing to help you see your entire financial picture and make a plan for this big transition.

And something else that may be in the bylaws or in your contract is what happens with unpaid collections or bonuses, if that's your compensation model. And it's not just straight salary. So you want to find out what happens with your money.

So if you are like, eh, I don't have a non-competes, I don't really need, need to talk to a lawyer, and you didn't talk to the lawyer before, I'm recommending that you talk to the lawyer now, and this is for the situation where things are pretty toxic, right? You want to see if you need some type of non-disparagement agreement so that you know these people are not gonna badmouth you or if they present you with one, right?

I have a client who was given an NDA when she got let go and it had a non-disparagement agreement in there so they wouldn't be able to badmouth her, she wouldn't be able to badmouth them or talk about what happened. So this is something that you just wanna be aware of and it's good to just to have that legal counsel to guide you.

And then if you are in somewhere academic, what happens to your research projects or any in intellectual property you may have, that may be a question that may be in the bylaws somewhere in your contract or in some other abstract uh, place. But dealing with, an attorney who is accustomed to dealing with physicians and these type of transitions can be really valuable.

So you're still, you're planning, you're prepping, gathering your information, the next thing you wanna do is identify who are the friendlies that are in your department, because if you are going to continue to be a physician, which I'm sure you are, you are going to need letters of recommendation from these people for them to fill out those annoying little credentialing forms that you still need some kind of relationship with your past employer.

And it doesn't necessarily have to be your boss. So you want to identify who are your friends, who can you trust to talk through things if you need to, but definitely to maintain the relationships after you leave so that you know, okay, I can call on this person. And they know that that is coming. Right?

You don't want to be messaging people after the fact and be like, Hey buddy, can you fill out this credentialing form? Trust me, I have. I had to do that and my friends are lovely, but it can get really annoying, especially as locums. I had all these hospitals, so you want to. make sure you identify who you can reach out to for that.

And even if you don't want to talk to them about it before you give your notice, you can still just think about who it will be after you have given the notice and everybody knows that you know that we'll be able to support you in that way.

And don't forget if you are in a type of practice where you go to the hospital, it can be people who work at the hospital as well, who may not necessarily be in your office, or they may not necessarily be in your practice. You, they just have to know you as a physician and other consultants, other practices.

Those people can do those things as well. So it doesn't necessarily have to be that it's somebody in your job, especially if it's that toxic situation, you may not want to involve those people at all.

All right, so the, the next thing is for you to plan your exit script. What are you gonna tell people about why you're leaving? Because they're gonna ask. And even if you don't tell them, or you tell them one thing, just know they're gonna make stuff up.

They always do. I cannot tell you these stories that I heard about why I left my last job. And I only hear it after the fact because I had friendlies and they came up to me, I was like, did you, Dr. Luces, did you really leave because you asked to be transferred to a different office and they told you no.

So you got upset and you left. I was like, what? That is so far away from why I actually left that place. So just plan what you're gonna say. Because people are gonna ask, it's only natural. People are curious and leaving a job is a big deal to a lot of people.

A lot of people are held where they are right now by fear, and you leaving is something that they couldn't even imagine was possible. So it may not even be that they'll try to talk you out of it to try to bad talk you. They may really wanna be like, oh my gosh, you are leaving. Where are you going? Just pure curiosity and amazement and wonder at how you could do such an audacious thing.

So. Decide how honest you want to be, and also know that you do not owe anyone an explanation. You don't have to tell people all your business, if it's a toxic situation, you probably wanna keep it very clean and professional. Again, this is not about the worrying about burning bridges thing, but you also don't want to it to be messy, right?

And keep people on a need to know basis, because the more you involve them in whatever's going on, the more fodder it is for gossip and things like that that are really just unnecessary.

So you just wanna have it be something that is simple, something that doesn't invite a whole lot of questions, or if it does, you have your plan for that. How are you gonna shut it down? How are you gonna deflect? And if you really want to avoid.

Getting anywhere close to the true reason, you can still be in integrity and tell 'em a reason that is adjacent to the actual reason. So let's say you're taking a job outta state.

And where you're moving to. You have family there, even though you're leaving because the job is toxic and you hate them, you can just tell them, you know, I have a family.

We don't have any support out here. We are moving closer to family. It's still true, but it avoids the actual reason. So you can still feel in your integrity and not also get into anything that is messy or just not get into your business. So you have options. The whole point is just prep for it and have it ready, because people are gonna ask,

right? So as you are thinking about when you are actually going to leave, you wanna stop doing surgeries if that's part of your practice and you wanna stop doing office procedures because you don't want to end up with post-ops, having to come back and see somebody else because you've already left and you don't want, just that, that pressure of, you know, well, what if somebody has a complication? Just to make it very clean and fair to the patients as well, so that they're not looking for you when, it's time to follow up.

Okay, doc, you've done all your prep work. You've done your mindset work. You are ready to give notice. Next week I'll go through exactly how to do that and everything that you need to do between when you actually give your notice and leave the job. See you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.