84. What It Really Costs to Host an Au Pair

Hey Doc,

If you’ve ever looked into the au pair program and wondered, “Okay but… how much does it actually cost?” — this is for you.

This episode was inspired by a client who asked me directly what she’d really be signing up for financially. And when I say there’s nuance? Whew. There’s nuance.

The au pair program can be more cost-effective than a nanny, but only if you understand what you’re actually paying for and how to make it work for your family.

Yes, it can be more affordable. The flexibility is unmatched. The cultural exchange is a beautiful benefit for both your kids and your home.

In this episode, I walk you through:

• A full breakdown of the real costs — required and optional
• How program structures differ between agencies
• What to absolutely know before you offer more than the stipend
• The subtle traps that can cost you way more than money (👀)
• How to avoid common mistakes that lead to frustration… or rematch

I also share how we’ve structured our own au pair experience to support our values, our lifestyle, and our kids.

Key Takeaways:

• Hosting an au pair will cost you at least $20K/year, but most spend closer to $25K–$35K (or more).
• Some perks sound generous, but can cause friction later if not clearly defined from the start.
• Even with the extras, an au pair is often still more cost-effective than a nanny — especially if you're using close to the full 45 hours of coverage.

This episode isn’t about convincing you to choose one path or another. It’s about clarity. Because the more you know, the more empowered your decision will be to make the right choice for your family.

🎧 New to the au pair program? Listen now and bookmark this episode!

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Transcript

  Hey Doc, let's talk about what it is gonna cost you to have an up pair. So I had a client ask me, what does it really cost? So I wanted to go through all of the costs just so that you fully understand what costs are involved and could really compare it to what it would cost you to have a nanny.

And this is monetarily not the emotional cost of having a young woman or person in your house. Okay, so, you know, I know making the decision to go with an au pair is a big deal and the cost of it and if it's really worth it, is something that is really important. So, of course I wanna address that because what is my goal to make your life easy?

So when you just look at the program, I usually say that it is much cheaper to have an au pair than it is to have a nanny. I still believe that is true, but it is. Significantly cheaper if you do it a certain way. So let's get into the details, so you have the agency fees. That it differs between agencies, but it's usually around $10,000. It may be a little bit more, it's not gonna be less than that, but it's usually like, let's say 10 to 12,000 that goes to the agency that is paying for them to process the au pair's visas, to get them into the country, to pay the LCCs to manage their app, whatever else, right?

They have to make money somewhere, but you pay to the agency about 10 to $12,000. But it doesn't pay for everything FYI because the au pairs also have to pay to be in the program. I did not know that when I first started, but just so you know, and it's for some au pairs it is a significant amount for them. A lot of au pairs have told me they have to ask family members to put up and you know, it can be a stretch for them, so they pay as well. FYI. And you can choose to pay all at once or do a payment plan. I don't know if APA America and APC have that option. That's definitely an option for cultural care where you pay a little bit more to not have to pay the full thing.

And that has pluses and minuses. If you pay the entire thing, it is cheaper, but. If you decide to leave the program they have your money. They make it very difficult for you to leave the program. The amount that you can get refunded is significantly less than what you paid because their goal is to keep you in the program.

They don't want you to leave and they don't want you to go to another agency or anything. So they do make it very difficult. But if you feel like, you know, I'm not really sure. I don't want to sink 12 grand into this, uh, agency, and I'm not sure if I'm gonna continue do the payment plan. And then if you decide to leave, you don't have that much money tied up in it.

So that's for the actual agency. Now, for the AU pair herself, the State Department mandated stipend. Stipend, not a salary, is $195 and 75 cents. There was some talk about that being changed because it's so low and blah, blah, blah. That has been delayed. So that's not a thing, but that's the minimum. I don't know too many people that pay the minimum.

Usually they just round it up to 200 and you can pay more than that. So a few caveats for the state mandate thing is that, or pay In America, they have what they call the au pair extraordinaire. It used to be less, but now they make 300 minimum. They have some extra childcare experience or like a degree in childcare, whatever, in their country.

So if you want an extraordinaire, you can pay 300 a week. From what I have gathered. It's not a guarantee that they're gonna be any better. So you still have to vet and do all that. And Au Pair care their minimum stipend is two 15 for their program. They say on the website that they found that they have better quality au pairs, or the au pairs stay longer, whatever. But that's their minimum. And there may be differences with other agencies and just also, that's the caveat. Trust with, verify everything that I say. A quick note about paying higher than this stipend, if you're not with APC or with an extraordinaire, anytime you lead with money as your selling point, you're setting the tone of your relationship with this young woman.

So I'm not saying never discuss the stipend, because most of them will ask, but if your main selling point is that we pay two 50, we pay 300, you're going to attract the kind of, au pair that only cares about that. And then later on when she continues to act that way, then you're gonna be upset. Why doc, we don't discuss the stipend until like.

The second call, or if they ask, and right now we do pay above because both of our children are home and who wants to be home with two toddlers, but I'm not. If the first thing you ask me is what is stipend? That's a red flag. That is a huge red flag, right? And y'all know I'm a big advocate for women asking for what they want and everything, but you also have to be very aware that for a lot of these young women, this is an economic opportunity and they're coming to maybe support their family back in their home country, or they just wanna be able to travel and have a good time and realize that.

They're not getting that much money, and they're also young enough that they don't really understand the value of money and how things work, and they think, oh, well this is. Such a small salary. It's like, no, this is, this is not a job. So you're not getting a salary. And they also don't understand all the rest of the money that you are paying to have them here.

So they see us physicians, we have lots of money and it's like, well, no, you, you can pay me more. So all that to say, be very careful. When you are deciding how much above the stipend you want to pay, how many other things you want to pay for, which we're gonna get into, and how it's being presented, because it may attract a certain type of candidate that you know,

it may cause problems in the future. Okay, so, so far we have the agency fee, which is 10 to 12,000 for the entire year, and we have the weekly stipend, so they get that stipend every single week. Regardless of if they are working or on vacation. So you can count on paying that they get two weeks of vacation.

And also if they're sick, you still have to pay them. If they work any part of one week, you have to pay them their stipend. So like if you are going to rematch and you're like, just work this one day and then leave, or I don't need you to work, you still have to pay them the stipend for that week.

So at the minimum, the program is gonna cost you about 20 K, right? Because you're paying 10 K to the agency and if you pay. 200 a week to the au pair. Times 52 weeks. That's about another little over 10 K. So doing nothing else is gonna cost you 20.

But wait, there's more. So you also have to pay $500 for their education stipend because this is a student exchange program, they are coming to study. Have an American experience in exchange for childcare, so they have to take their course. You have to pay up to $500 for it. A quick note on that, some of the au pairs try to game the system where they'll try to take a free class and then ask you to just give them the 500.

I'm a rule follower to a point, and then I'm totally not a rule follower  again with the money. Scheming thing, I'll be very careful. Very, very careful because if things go sour you just don't wanna be involved in those kinds of relationships where they are gaming to get more money from you and you are not then getting something.

Right. So it, if you wanna break the rules, make it a win-win. Like you get absolutely nothing from them taking a free course and then asking you for the money. Right It, they're not supposed to do that. I've had au pairs ask and we just say, no end of story. So $500 for that,

You also have to pay for transportation for them to get to and from their au pair meetings and to and from their classes, right? So whatever that may look like, if you do Uber stipends, that will be that if they take the car, that's that.

Um, so it's not like a set amount, it's just that you have to facilitate that. And also getting them to and from the airport when they come to you and when they're leaving. So those aren't hard and fast like numbers. You have to pay for them in some way. So that's it. Nothing else is required of you to pay for this program.

So at minimum you're gonna be at around 20, 21,000, but then there are the unseen costs that you have to consider of having a whole extra human being in your home. Your utilities may go up, your grocery bill is gonna go up . your gas bill's gonna go up if they are driving, so just think of any expense that goes up when there's an extra human being in your home. And depending, like if they eat a lot, it's gonna be a lot of money because you're responsible for their room and board.

Now we have it in our handbook, like if you wanna buy takeout every day, you wanna buy a bunch of junk food that's on you, buy that for yourself. But we will buy anything that you need to cook to. Feed yourself on a regular basis. And because I don't cook, it's I'll buy what you need so that you can cook for yourself.

Uh, but if you do family dinners and you cook and all that, it would be buying more food so that they can also eat.

 And then another, you know, hidden cost or cost that you may not consider is if you decide that you wanna take them on a vacation with you. whether it's so that they can truly be part of the family and vacation with you, or they're coming to work. That's an extra plane ticket, that's an extra hotel room if they're working.

So if they come with you on a vacation and they are working, they have to have their own room. Whereas if they're coming as family, you can stick them with the kids. You will all stay in one room. I don't know why you wanna do that, so it's extra cost for everything, right? But then you get the benefits of having the childcare and X, Y, Z.

Beyond the standard cost that you have to pay and the extra cost of having somebody in your home, they are other optional costs that are pretty much standard in the program, but again, optional, right?

You pay for their phone bill. These phone lines are expensive. And let me just tell you, capitalism man, phone lines don't have to be that expensive. They choose to make them that expensive. That's why these companies are billion dollar companies. But I digress. So extra phone line. With the car use, it's not just the gas, the insurance, the insurance, if your au pair is less than 24, 25, the premium is going to be very expensive. And I've spoken to a lot of au pairs where initially the host parents said, yeah, we want you to drive. You can use your car for personal use. And they didn't look in, look into how much it would be to insure them. And then they got here and was like, yeah, no, you can't drive.

We are not paying that. And then that makes them very unhappy. And sometimes it's a reason for rematch. So it's something to consider. What is the age of the au pair that you are getting? And recognize that if you need a driver and you are not okay with paying the higher premium, maybe get an older au pair.

Um. Older does not necessarily mean more mature, but it does mean less money on insurance. So it's something that is significant to, um, consider.

And then they're the optional perks, right? The things that you may throw into sweeten the deal to make them more likely to match with you. Which I have some strong feelings about because it really sets the precedent for the program in general, and it makes it really difficult if you are unable or unwilling to do all this extra stuff.

And it really, it's like, I, I won't comment and if it's necessary or not, um, especially if you live in a high cost of living area. I see the argument that $200 a week or 1 91 95, if you're not paying above that, it would be difficult for them to live on. I get that, but also we just have to be careful. So if you're paying for gym memberships, if you are giving this, ope asks if we do gym memberships or passes.

And I was like, I don't even know what that means. So it seems like she just had a list of questions of like perks that other people offer and I was like, I. I, I don't, I don't know what that is. So, no, we don't offer passes. I'm assuming maybe like to Disney or concerts, I don't know. But whatever else you want to offer that's going to cost money, you choose to pay for.

Like I have a friend who would buy clothes for, her au  pair, if you live in a cold place and you want to buy them jackets and things like that, there are the optional perks that attract them to your home. And you like, you know, if you live in the rural area or you have a lot of kids you may include to make your family more desirable.

And then they're also the other optional things that are just be kind of nice because they're in your home and they're part of your family, that you may have extra costs there as well. So all of those things together. The costs for an au pair. And when you just take the base, it's like 20 K, maybe even 25, 30, it's like, oh, that's not that much.

But then when you add on all the other stuff, that's where people start to be like, oh, this is actually not that cheap. Plus I have somebody in my house, uh, I can't fart if I need to. I can't walk around naked anymore, like, uh, this program is not worth it. I'm just gonna get a nanny. And I understand that doc, but hold on, hold on.

Because even with all those costs, so at baseline it's 20 k. When you add in all the extra stuff, even if it goes up to 40, which I don't think it's gonna be, but even if it goes up to 40, let me do the math, hold the phone, so even if it's 40 K, so 40 divided by 52 weeks, it's easy to do it that way because you're paying them for the entire year.

Right? And that's including the agency fee and the stipend, plus all of the increased costs of having the au pair. That's 7 69 a week that you're paying all encompassing to have this au pair. And one thing I didn't mention, this is for 45 hours of childcare, So you're paying 7 69 a week for 45 hours of childcare if you were to get a nanny and pay her $20 an hour for 40 hours a week off the books.

So no payroll, no none of that. All the legal stuff, that's $800 a week for 40 hours. So yes, it is still cheaper to have an au pair and if you break it down even further to hourly.

That's $17 an hour that you're paying. Still cheaper because, I don't know, maybe in some rural areas, nannies cost $17 an hour. Most places it's 20 and above. Like 20 is like for one child. If you have more children, if you live in a high cost of living area, they're people paying 35, $40 an hour for nannies.

And then if you are paying them on the books, you add in the payroll tax, you add in all of the social security and all that stuff. It's, it's a lot. So when you consider, is it really cheaper? Yes, doc. It is cheaper. The one thing I mentioned at the beginning is

that it is only significantly cheaper if you do certain things.

It's the hours and so people get an au pair and they have them working 20 hours, 30 hours and not knocking that because if that's your need, fine. If you don't think au pairs should work more than that. Okay, then it becomes less cost effective because you're spending all of this money for less hours of childcare.

So this is not an advocate for you to use all the hours just to save money and for it to be worth it. But just to know you are paying for 45 hours of childcare and no, it's not exploitation, it's not any of that because this is what the program allows for and you can be reasonable, you know, if you have five children and they're all homeschooled, but yeah, maybe don't have 45 hours. You know, if you have two homeschooled toddlers like I do, maybe pay a little bit more of the stipend, which is what I'm doing. Maybe consider how you can decrease the hours, which is also what I'm doing.

So, you know, we are altruistic at heart. If you listen to this podcast, you're not trying to exploit any all peers, right? Like I fully understand, especially having had them home with me for the last week and a half home full time. I understand what it means to be with two toddlers all day.

So I'm going to do things and make sure that I have things in place so that she doesn't get burned out. 'cause a regular human being also who is here to have a good time. So we understand all that. But I'm also not going to decrease my need and make myself uncomfortable because I feel bad for something that is allowed in the program and something that makes it affordable for my family and I at this stage.

When you look at it from different ways, it is almost always more cost effective to have an au pair. When you think about the cost of your time and your home and everything else, it may not be as cost effective, which is a whole other story. But when we are talking about straight monetary dollars and cents , if childcare costs are an issue for you, you should strongly consider, and I wanted to lay out all the costs for you so you can make your decision, um, and then decide if all the other stuff is is worth it. I'll tell you, it's worth it, man. In home childcare is, is worth it. Hopefully this was helpful. If you are considering an au pair and you're just like, well, how much does this really cost?

Because it's not as simple as. You pay 10 K to the agency and the stipend is 1 95 75 a week. All right, so share this with another physician mom who is considering joining the au Pair program and has her mind on her money. Leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts and say, oh my gosh, this was so helpful.

I so feel so fully prepared to find an au pair now and leave a five star thing everywhere else, and I'll see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.