102. How to Handle Surprise Meetings with Leadership

Hey Doc —

There’s a specific kind of dread that comes with a vague meeting invite.

No agenda.

No context.

Just: “Leadership wants to meet.”

You already know — it’s rarely good.

Whether you’re walking in with a heads-up or completely in the dark, this episode breaks down how to protect yourself when you’re called into a surprise meeting about your job. Not the one you asked for — the one they put on your calendar.

I’m sharing what I walk through with my clients in real time:

• What to do the moment you get the invite
• How to stay in control when you don’t know what’s coming
• And why your #1 job in the room isn’t to defend yourself — it’s to stay sharp

This episode walks you through exactly what to do before, during, and after a meeting like this so you’re not caught off guard, pressured into decisions, or left questioning what just happened.

If it’s already on your calendar, listen now.

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Transcript

 Hey, doc. In episode 96, I talked about how to get what you want at work, and that was really in the context of you asking for something at your job. Likely in a state of burnout, you're asking for a schedule change, you want to decrease your FTE, things like that.

And it was specifically about preparation for said meeting to make that request. Or even if you're writing an email, just getting your thoughts together and presenting information in the most effective way to get what you want. And I wanted to talk about a different. Type of meeting that you could get called into.

That also needs preparation, even though you won't be able to prepare as much. But still something that happens to a lot of people where they get called in for a meeting, they get told you're gonna meet with leadership on X day. And you have no idea what it's about. Or they say they wanna discuss your future, or they say something cryptic that in general, you know it's not good and you're like, oh my God, what the fuck do I do?

So I want to talk about that because I've had a few clients who before we were working together. Got called into meetings and they were terrible experiences and for both of them , that was the turning point that made that job completely terrible. It was the starting point for things to crumble

and what was central to those situations was this feeling of helplessness, this feeling of being blindsided, of being forced into agreeing to things and just feeling disempowered. So I really want to talk about those types of meetings and what you can do to make sure that you stay in control and you never feel disempowered and like they have one over you and you have.

No choice but to do whatever they say.

So say you get an email, somebody says, we put a meeting on your calendar. You're gonna meet with the chief of your department on this day. Now they may not give you a reason. A lot of the times, if this happens, chances are you kind of have an idea because things may not have been going well. You may have gotten, warnings about things before.

Say your charts, you have a ton of charts open. You are always running behind in the office. Your RVU numbers aren't where they need to be. There's usually. Some kind of inkling, but they may not even come out and say exactly what the meeting up is about. And that's step one. Get as much information about what this meeting is about as possible, and the easiest way to do that is to ask for an agenda because.

That is a very innocent request. It's a very reasonable request like you're calling this meeting, you must know what it's about, so please tell me because that is the start of control. Like maintaining control is having you in a meeting where you have no idea what you're going to come up against, what to expect, and therefore cannot prepare for so if you get that kind of email saying, Hey, we have a meeting, we wanna discuss something, or you wanna discuss something that is quite vague, ask for clarification. Ask for an agenda so that you know what you're getting yourself into.

So in addition to the agenda, you also want to find out who else is gonna be at this meeting and if you are allowed to bring anybody, because. Having an advocate, having a trusted person that can come in with you is always helpful because you don't want it to be this closed off meeting with a he said, she said situation.

You just wanna have somebody there who is on your side. Is there anybody who can come in with you, who is trusted, who is experienced, and is it even allowed and who are they bringing? Like who is going to be at this meeting? It will give you an idea of the gravity of the situation. Just getting as much information as possible about this mystery meeting so you can be as prepared as possible, even if it is emotionally right?

Because if you get called into a meeting and you walk in and it's like a panel of five people, including the chief of the entire health system, that's gonna be a shock to your system and that's gonna put you at a disadvantage just because of that. you may be so shocked, so. Confused. So surprised, that that pulls your focus and allows you to be taken for whatever ride that they have you on.

So getting as much information about this meeting beforehand as possible is ideal. And if you have like friendlies, like if you know your chairs secretary. You know the admin person and you're buddy buddy with them. Ask them like, use whatever tools that you have. If you know somebody else in leadership is gonna be at the meeting and they are friendly to you and they can be trusted, just pull 'em aside and be like, Hey, what is this about?

You know, just  to be as prepared as possible.

And depending on your situation, if it is something where you feel as though you may be terminated, you wanna start doing a little bit more prep work.

Because like I said, a lot of people know when stuff is coming, even if you may be ignoring it, you have feelings about something is coming, maybe it happened to somebody else in the organization. so you want to see what prep work you can do. Are you in a situation where talking to a lawyer would help you before you go into this meeting?

It may seem like overkill, but depending on the situation, it may be actually helpful you may also want to take your contract and your bylaws, depending on how big your organization is. If it's a small private practice, they probably don't have bylaws, but any kind of handbook, anything that governs termination and behavior, conduct, things like that and go through it.

I don't mean read a hundred page document before this meeting.

I mean, take it and put it into Notebook, LM and ask it questions. Ask, Hey, what should I know about this job, about termination? What can they do? Like whatever question that you have, have it summarized the document. What are any red flags from this employment agreement and notebook? LM is a great AI because it is not generative.

It's not like chat GBT, where it's just gonna make shit up. It is not gonna tell you exactly what you need to hear to keep you, engaged and inflate the user numbers so that they increase their stock prices. This is not open ai, right? This is something that is very good at summarizing the information that is there and,

even if you ask it to be generative, it will be like, uh, no, I'm not doing that. I'm just gonna tell you what's actually in this document. And it gives you references so you can go back to the particular part. It is a really excellent resource especially for documents that may be very long or difficult to, to read and interpret because, you know, some of those, documents are written in legalese, and we are just not trained to read documents like that.

So it can be very helpful so that you are as prepared. That's possible. So if they tell you some, some bs, you'd be like, well no, that's actually not company policy. I read about that in the company bylaws. Right? So it's all about you having all of the education and being knowledgeable in case they pull some bullshit.

And especially if it is going to be a contentious meeting, or even if it's not, you want to see if you can record this meeting and I don't suggest attempting to ask for permission. This is, self-preservation. This is to make sure you don't miss anything. This is to make sure that you can have proof of what is said in this meeting, and chances are once you pull out a phone to record, people are gonna be defensive.

And depending on the state that you live in, it may actually be illegal to record. So don't even bother to ask permission for that. The chances are they're gonna say no, what you wanna do. Is check in your state to see if it's a two party consent state. So I used to live in California, and if you are going to record anyone, they have to know and they have to consent to be recorded.

And that's kind of like when you are on formal customer service and they say This call may be recorded for a customer, whatever, whatever. They're not telling you that because they wanna be nice. They're telling you that because they have to. you wanna see, 'cause I had a client who was in a state where, it was not a two party consent state and she definitely went into one of these meetings and recorded the entire thing.

She didn't use it for anything, but it was just helpful to have that backup. And you, you never know what is gonna be said. You never know how people are going to lie about what was in the meeting. You just never know. So if you are able to definitely do it, and I would say. Even if it's not legal, you're not gonna be using it in a court of law.

Go ahead, doc. I won't tell anybody. Okay. Alright. So once you actually get into the meeting, because you are at a disadvantage, you didn't call this meeting, you don't really know what it's about. It is important to continue to get as much information about why you are there as possible.

So if it is still very vague, you haven't gotten an agenda, everybody's being all cagey, you wanna start off with asking very directly. What is this meeting about? What is this about? Because they have to, they should tell you by then, right? because if somebody starts off with asking you questions like you're in an interrogation room, no.

They then have all the power in that situation, and you still don't even know what it's about. So before anything starts, if you are still in the dark, that is your opportunity to ask them directly. What am I here for? What is the outcome of this meeting that is expected? What is the intention, So even if, they give you some vague reason. You kind of have an idea. Is to discuss your charts. Still isn't super clear about what the intention is or what they hope the outcome. Is. So if you can get that information at the top of the meeting, that will take away some of the element of surprise and frankly, take away some of their power.

Because if their intention is for you to remediate, have some kind of remediation where they are going to take away your PTO if you don't close your charts in time. That's a true story from one of my clients. Then you wanna know that upfront. You don't want to be led along a path and possibly indict yourself and then give them everything they need to be like, see, well this is what's needed.

And you just don't want to be caught off guard. So before you start answering any questions you, you definitely wanna ask, what is this meeting about and what is the desired outcome? What is the outcome that you all hope to achieve at the end of this meeting?

And then depending on that answer, you can readjust yourself, get your mind right, and move forward.

And for the rest of the meeting, it is important for you to listen. Listen carefully, listen between the lines, and if you are not clear about something, ask for clarification. Don't leave this meeting being unsure about what something meant.

Chances are they're being vague on purpose or giving everybody the benefit of the doubt. They just explained it in a way that you didn't understand and would be happy to restate it, but you want to have as much information as possible, making sure that you start with listening first. A very common tactic for anybody who is trying to back you into a corner is to get you on the defensive and have you defending your decisions and is something that will be less effective if you already know what the intention of the meeting is because. If somebody starts asking you antagonizing questions, if they start leading you somewhere, you already know where they're going and it becomes less effective and they can less sneakily do that to you because you already know where they're going.

So you can adjust how you answer. You can refuse to answer. You can make sure that you answer in a way that is going to deflect from the narrative that they already have, which may or may not be true. So. Listening as much as possible and being very careful about getting on the defensive. Because the person that's asking the questions is the person that's in control. Just remember that and the least amount of time you can spend defending yourself and defending your decisions, the better. And it may seem counterintuitive. 'cause if they're like, well, they're saying all these things and things are not true.

You getting on the defensive is not gonna help. 'cause chances are, if they're coming at you like that, they have already made up their mind. And this is not an actual time to hear your side of this story because there are lots of different ways that were more collaborative and less intimidating for them to hear your side of whatever story.

That's not what this is, more than likely. So try not to get into a situation where you are defending. Different things.

And if somebody says something totally ridiculous to you, if they say, everybody in the surgery department says that you're difficult to work with and nobody wants to be on your team anymore, and you're just like, well, that's not true. I. The instinct is to be like, well, who said that? Um, because, I had no idea.

what did I do to offend them? And you start playing into that totally ridiculous narrative that you know is not true. Then they've already won, right? If you hear something that is completely ridiculous, mirror that ridiculous suspect to them. So are you saying that in this Department of 60 people, every single person has had a complaint about me? Is is that what you're saying? And if so. Why was I informed of these complaints?

So take the ridiculousness and take a breath. Analyze it and clarify. Ask more questions. Because if you start defending, they already have you, you're already affirming their narrative, which you know is false. Call them on their bullshit. Repeat exactly what they are saying.

Ask them to double down on it. Ask them to clarify. And if they're like, well, no, I didn't mean everybody. Okay, well then what did you mean? What did you mean? Then? You know, this is all about you taking back your power in this situation where they are attempting to make you feel disempowered.

And the last thing that is very, very important is do not sign anything, doc. Do not sign anything. Do not sign anything. Do not sign anything. I can't think of which other word I can highlight to say, don't sign anything. They cannot force you to agree to anything. They cannot force you to sign anything.

You can take it and review it. You can say, I understand. I will take this into consideration. I will review this and get it back to you. I will talk to my lawyer, whatever it is, but. A common tactic, especially for women physicians is to get them cornered into a room, accuse them of all these things, make them feel small, make them feel intimidated, and then force them to sign a document saying that they will take an unpaid leave, that they accept some type of remediation that isn't even necessary, that they accept responsibility for something that wasn't actually their fault.

Whatever it is, don't sign it.

They cannot make you, even if they're making you feel like you don't have a choice, you always have a choice. And if you take nothing else from this episode, it is, don't sign anything. Don't sign anything. Nothing is an emergency in this type of situation. You can always take time to review it, to contact legal counsel, to get advice from a trusted advisor, all sorts of things, And the more they are pushing you, the more suspect that is, and likely the more power you have. Of course there are a million variables to a situation like this, but the core principles are the same. You want to, when you are notified about this meeting, to ask for an agenda, find out who's gonna be there. See if you have any trusted people that will give you the scoop about the details of this meeting.

Collect as much information as possible. You want to talk to a lawyer if you can, if you think it's necessary. You want to review your contract and your bylaws with the help of your trusted non-generative AI to make sure that you are as educated as possible.

You want to check and see if you are allowed to record this meeting secretly, and then check with yourself to see if you care about the state laws and decide what you're gonna do That's all. Before the meeting. During the meeting, immediately get clarity on what this meeting is about. If you were not satisfied with the answers you got before, ask them.

At the top of the meeting, you start asking the questions first, the person asking the questions is in control. What is this meeting about? Then? Slightly related, but separate. What is the intention? What do y'all hope to get out to this meeting? What is the desired outcome from this meeting? Because if the desired outcome is to get you to sign a piece of paper saying that you are on probation, you wanna know that from the beginning, If they dodge, keep asking, be persistent. What do you hope to come out of this meeting? And honestly, just doing those things will put you in full control of this meeting and have you as prepared to dodge bullshit as possible, as protected. So you get more clarity on why you're there.

You get the intention. The next thing is to listen. Listen, listen, listen. And as you're listening, you ask clarifying questions. If things don't make sense, don't let it slide. You can interrupt. Feel free.

Try to avoid getting in the defensive as much as possible. If they ask you a question and you're not sure where they're going, it seems like it's outta left field. Ask, where are you coming from? I'm not sure the relevance of this question. Can you explain what you mean? Whatever you need to do to make sure that you know where this is going if they are saying ridiculous statements that are not true or only half true mirror back, the question to them ask them to clarify, is this really what you're saying

are you saying that you really believe that I cursed a nurse out in front of the entire OR staff and nobody had anything to say about it? Like, is that what you're asking me? Whatever it is, clarify, call them on their bs, mirror it back to them. And get them to double down or to say exactly what they actually mean that does not , involve you defending things that aren't even true.

And of course, the number one thing, what is it? Don't sign anything. Don't agree to anything. You do not have to sign anything, doc. They cannot make you, they cannot make you. Okay, take everything into consideration. Follow up with your lawyer. if it's that serious, follow up with a friend. If you don't have any friends at your job, find a friend from residency.

Find a old mentor to just like process what just happened, and hopefully listen to the recording. Right? So another reason to have the recording. So I hope this is helpful so that you feel as empowered and as clear and less scared if you get called into a meeting like this. And if you just got this email or the meeting is coming up and you're like, oh, shit, I really want to review these things with Dr. Toya. Schedule a strategy coaching session.

We will go through all of these things. I'll hear exactly what your situation is, and we'll work through what you need to do to be as prepared and how you need to move during this meeting. So that you have as much agency and the least amount of fear as possible.

The link is in the show notes. It can be found on my website@drtoyacoaching.com slash coaching. In all of my bios on Facebook and Instagram, the link is there. You do not have to figure this out alone, doc. You don't have to prep on your own. I'm here to support you, right?

So if you know somebody who's going into a meeting like this, share this episode with them, there are too many of us that are getting bamboozled and hit over the head with these clandestine meetings that.  only there to systematically work us out. You know what I'm talking about? It may have happened to you, it may have happened to a doc that you know, and the only way that we prevent this from happening and prevent people from sham peer reviews and being forced out of their jobs is that we prepare, we share the stories of it, and we help each other work through it.

So share it with a doc who needs to prep for a meeting, like this. It will go a long way and doing all the other things will help other docs find it. So, subscribing to the podcast rating, giving a five star review sharing on social media will all help other physician moms get this Very, very important information.

All right, doc, I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.