110. Part 1: Dr. Traci De Splinter 2 under 2, New attending, new city, new life

Hey Doc —

This is a conversation I’ve really been looking forward to sharing with you.

I’m joined by Dr. Traci De Splinter, an OB/GYN here in Texas and a seasoned physician mom whose daughters are now adults. I love conversations like this because most of the physician moms I talk to in this podcast are in the thick of early motherhood—myself included. There is something really powerful about hearing from someone who has lived through those years and can reflect back on them with perspective.

And Dr. Traci has quite a story.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about what it looked like for her to have her first baby during residency, the realities of postpartum recovery while still in training, and the decisions physician moms often have to make around timing pregnancies and careers.

We also talk about:

• What maternity leave looked like during residency years ago
• Recovering from a difficult delivery while preparing to return to work
• The importance of asking for help—even when it feels uncomfortable
• Moving to a new city with a toddler while pregnant again
• What life looked like when her marriage ended shortly after starting her attending career

Dr. Traci shares honestly about some very hard years—two babies under two, a new job, a new city, and navigating life as a physician mom. She also talks about the support systems that helped her through that season and the lessons she carries with her now.

This conversation is thoughtful, candid, and full of perspective that many physician moms rarely get to hear.

🎧 Press play to hear my conversation with Dr. Traci De Splinter.

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Transcript

 Hey Doc, I am back with another wonderful guest. You know, I just love my guest docs that come on to share their stories, and this is one of my favorites because is a seasoned mom. And you know, we usually have moms that have little kids just like me, and I always love to have the wisdom of a mom who has.

Been through it. So I am so excited to have Dr. Traci. She is an OB GYN from my area, my new area here in Texas. And you know, I love OB GYNs. I just love everything about this situation because she lives in my area. She's an OB GYN, and she's a seasoned mom. It's gonna be a great conversation. Welcome Dr.

Traci. 

Hi. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. 

I'm excited to have you. And hold on, doc. I didn't say her whole name. Dr. Traci De Splinter. That's it. That is who you're hearing from. so Dr. Traci, tell the doctors listening, how many kids you have. 

I have two kids.

They're both daughters and they are currently 24 and 23 years old. 

Wow. Oh, they were back to back. 

They were 20 months apart. So those were some interesting times that first couple of years. 

Yeah. So was that a conscious decision? To have them back. 

Yes, it was because like most, female physicians, I delayed childbearing.

So I had my older daughter in my last year of residency. She was born in January. and I finished, residency in, June of that same year, and I was 33 when I had her. So I knew that if, if I wanted to have another pregnancy and a successful, uh, live birth, that odds were against me if I waited very long.

So that's why they are just a little under two years apart. 

Gotcha. So the having a baby in residency, that was also a conscious decision for the same reason? 

Yes, and I did, um, purposefully wait until the last year. In our program the last year was, the schedule was a little bit, I mean, it was still lots of work hours.

It was before the, I trained, before the 80 hour work week. Right. So there was no limitation. but we had a fairly, for the time, I would say we had a fairly family friendly program. there was only two weeks of maternity leave though, so I took two weeks of maternity leave, two weeks of vacation, and two weeks unpaid.

Because at four weeks I wasn't physically able to go back yet. I had a rather difficult first delivery. 

Yeah. 

Um, so it wasn't friendly in that sense, but that was really not unusual for the times. 

Wow. 

Um, they did have to hold your job for six weeks, but, um, not, not allowed much paid time off. 

Wow. So tell me about, if you don't mind, tell me about the actual delivery.

What was difficult about it? 

I had a fourth degree laceration. 

Wow. 

So I had a really prolonged second stage. I pushed for over three hours and I did not have, uh, forceps, vacuum, nobody cut an app episiotomy. And I still ended up with a fourth degree laceration. Wow. So significant blood loss. I didn't require any transfusion, but definitely, um, a bad perineal injury.

Wow. And do you, did you have an epidural? Please say yes. 

Oh yes, of course. Absolutely. Yes. I had an epidural. We had, um, wonderful anesthesia team at the time. I had no intent or, desire to have an unmedicated delivery. I support my patients who choose that, but I do tell them I'll support whatever you decide, but I will never understand why like, nobody goes to the dentist and gets a tooth pulled without anesthesia.

Right, right. Because there's safe anesthesia for that and it hurts. Right. So yes, I had a, a great working epidural. Um, they even gave me duram morph. That was the standard at that hospital at the time. If you had a fourth degree or even maybe a, yeah, I think only a, a fourth degree, they would, um, put dura morph in the epidural, the dumor, maybe it was the gerr, has a side effect of urinary retention though.

Mm-hmm. 

So I was unable to void and I ended up with a catheter for a week at home. Geez, when I went home with the baby. So that was another interesting part of the experience. 

Yeah. And for the doc who's not anesthesia or ob duramorph is what we give during C-sections. It lasted 24 hours, so it's a nice, that's very nice that they, they give you that.

Yes. It's epidural morphine is actually what it is. Yeah. And it doesn't affect your cognition or make you feel drunk or anything. no cognitive effects, but it helps with pain relief, which I was most appreciative to have at that time. 

Yeah, yeah. The, the catheter for one week I had, because of where my tear was, I had the catheter for like 24 hours, and that was bad enough.

I couldn't imagine actually walking around with one in, 

well, I walked around with a leg bag. It really wasn't that bad. I mean, it, the whole thing sounds crazy. Um, nothing was life threatening or dangerous. My baby was healthy after some initial resuscitation. she didn't go to the nicu. I just was, I think from blood loss and from all that, that went on the stress, I was, um, pretty weak.

Mm-hmm. 

And it took me a while to bounce back by six weeks. I was physically strong mentally recuperated, and I was able to go back. No problem. But I don't think I could have gone back before six weeks after that particular delivery. 

Yeah. What was the conversation in your mind and with your program at the four week mark?

Like, how did you handle that? 

I had planned ahead, like save my vacation time and I knew that they would allow, um, two weeks unpaid if I needed it. So that was, that was already in the works beforehand. Okay. That was kind of my, my plan and I would've. Tried to go back a little sooner if I could, to just save that time in case I needed some time off if I got sick later or my baby got sick.

But my classmates were extremely, supportive. We were a group of five per year and the five, um, of us in my class were super close. We still are, actually four of us especially are really close. We have a text thread. We chat all the time. they were my support system. they all had babies that same year too.

Either they had babies or their wives did. So, um, my, my other female classmate had triplets that actually delivered, um, two months after my baby was born. Wow. So it was a crazy year for our, our class from that standpoint. But, um, it wasn't just me having babies, so, 

yeah. 

These were spontaneous triplet. 

, No, Her triplets were not spontaneous. They were, um, a product of IVF. 

Okay. cause that would've been just too crazy. 

Yes, it 

was. 

It was crazy times.

Yeah. But it was, it was fun and it was, I'm very thankful to have had their support. And to still have their support to this day. I mean, their residency classmates are super special people. 

Yeah. Okay. I have a very personal question 'cause Sure. Besides patients, I don't know that I've spoken to somebody who's had a fourth degree, like after a long period of time.

Were you really healed at six weeks? Like what was going on down there? 

no. So I don't think I was, I don't think, I don't think you're ever really fully healed. Honestly after that, I think there's some residual effects and some laxity that yeah, that happens after the third degrees and fourth degrees, even after any vaginal delivery.

You're not exactly the same right as you were before. So, um, by six weeks I was not in pain. I had normal functioning. but to say was I completely healed? Probably not. I did feel safe to go back to work and I didn't have any difficulty, you know, physically or emotionally. 

Well, what about bowel movements?

my obstetrician at the time, he asked me to take, um, sits baths like four times a day for the first couple of weeks, and I was on laxatives and 

yeah, 

kept the, the bowel movements really soft to prevent constipation and to allow healing and that really wasn't an issue. 

Good. Okay. Yeah, it's good to know that everything I used to tell my patients actually works.

Yep, it does. 

I 

actually had to go back into his office about a week after delivery and have some more sutures placed in the perineum. There was just a little bit of superficial skin, uh, separation. So he buffered the lidocaine and was so gentle. Yeah. Such a kind, a kind, um, obstetrician. 

Yeah. How did you even discover that, that the skin, were you looking or you felt something?

I think both. I think I felt something and and then went in for to take out the catheter and have a void trial and then he looked and said I needed some, some stitches. 

Gotcha. Okay. 'cause I was gonna give a caveat there. Anybody who's listening, do not look unless you're an obstetrician, 

don't 

look down there.

I agree with that. I think that's a good advice. 

Yeah. Okay. So tell me about your support at home during this time. Who did you have to support you? 

So I had my husband, uh, at the time he was a general surgery resident, so he was very busy too, um, but supportive at that time. And then my mother came and stayed after the delivery for two weeks, I believe.

And then his mother, who is still very close to, to me, and very supportive. She came for two weeks. And then actually my best friend from med school, I was really close to her parents, her family. Her mom came for two weeks. I love that. So I had worked for six weeks. Yeah. They actually, I tell you, I, I'm remembering that wrong.

They came for, they came when my, when I went back to work. 

Okay. 

So my mom came back for two weeks. My, um, mother-in-law came for two weeks and my friend's mom came for two weeks after I went to work to keep the baby. So she didn't go to daycare until 12 weeks. But at home initially, I had my mother and my mother-in-law.

Gotcha. I love that rotation. And how did that, like, get organized? Did you ask your best friend's mom or she offered, how did that happen? 

I'm sure I probably asked her. I remember she, she had one grandchild at the time and she was actually the caregiver for her, her grandchild, while her son and daughter-in-law were, were working.

And she, she worked it out with them. I mean it was a huge, favor that she did and something It was so. appreciative of and still am. She's a fantastic cook. I remember she cooked us wonderful meals. She was really confident with taking care of the baby, so she taught us a lot there. she cleaned my closet, like she's just, she's an amazing woman who I, I love dearly.

So that was kinda my, my three moms and none of them lived close. I was in Wichita, Kansas, and they were in Texas and New Mexico. 

I love that you said that. 'cause I was going to ask, because this is like, I'm gonna take a little segue here. I talk all the time about asking people to do things that may seem like, of course they would say, no, of course.

How can I ask somebody to come across the country to help me with childcare? Dr. Traci did it. See, this is why I like having seasoned moms. Y'all prove all of my theories and it's not just, 

it's not a seasoned mom, but in hindsight it was an excellent decision and I'm. I'm glad that I found it in me to ask for help.

Yes. 

Because they gladly helped and they wanted to do something to help. But I'm with you. It is hard to ask. A lot of physician moms are, we are independent by nature, we are helpers. We take care of others. So it, it's hard to ask for help. 

Yeah. Yeah. I'm really glad you did. That sounds amazing. Especially to have somebody who is so helpful.

so it doesn't feel like another burden that you have. That you feel like you should be grateful for because they're helping you, but you end like, uh, no. She sounds amazing. So that is wonderful. So you went back to work and you graduated when she was how old? 

I graduated at the end of June. She was born in, uh, January, mid-January.

So I guess she was what, five months old. 

Gotcha. And you had already had an attending job set up? 

my husband at the time was, needed one more year of general surgery residency, so I, um, had arranged to work for a private group and be on the teaching panel, for a year while he finished. So we stayed in Wichita for another year.

Okay. 

And then that was when you got pregnant with your second, 

almost a year later. I got pregnant with my second and then. We moved for, um, job, well, he moved for fellowship and I moved for, for a, an attending type job, a real job, to Houston while I was pregnant. So we moved to Houston at the end of June.

Um, I had a one and a half year old, and then I was due with my next one at the end of September, 

in the middle of the summer in 

Houston. That sounds absolutely fine. I thought I would, I was. Super pregnant and I had a toddler who was on me all the time. And the, the heat, the shock of the summer heat of Houston was incredible.

I thought I would never cool off again in October of that year after my daughter had, my second daughter was born. I remember meeting my mom. we met in a, in a mall, I think in Katy actually. Yeah. And, uh, I got out of the car and was getting the babies out. And a cool breeze hit me and I actually cried.

Like I think, I thought I was never gonna cool off again. Probably I was also postpartum too, so maybe the emotional side, but it, it made me cry. So Yes, you're right. It was hot. That's insightful of you. 

Oh gosh, that sounds terrible. Yeah, it was a shock. It was a shock. First time I experienced it coming from dry Northern California.

Anyway, so your husband was in fellowship. How was that dynamic with you being an attending and the small children and a partner that still training? 

It was very difficult. Very difficult, and we ended up getting divorced not too long after that. So we separated 

when my, um, youngest daughter was five months old.

Oh wow. Yeah, so I had two, my older one had just turned two years old. About a month after that we separated and then eventually divorced. Wow. So it was, it was a lot. 

Yeah. So how did you navigate that? Not just with support, with like childcare and things, but with everything? Like tell me more about that time, if you don't mind.

It was a pretty dark time, to be honest with you. Two in diapers, two under two. In a new city where I really didn't know anybody. My mom lived in the, on the opposite side of Houston. Houston is huge, and she worked, so we definitely didn't see each other on the weekdays. Sometimes we did on the weekends, but she was not available to be, helpful with childcare during the week.

She, she had a job of her own and we were a long ways apart with a lot of traffic in between. I had a new job. I was actually working in a fertility clinic as a general OB GYN. at that time there was no tort reform in Texas and we didn't know if we would stay in Texas. And if I delivered one baby, the tail coverage that I would have to have paid was prohibitive.

Like I would've not been able to leave the state. So I was was fortunate to find a job, in a fertility center and, um, it was, it was a great job. The owner was, she was the only other doctor in the practice. She was the founder of the practice and, um, she had two children of her own a few years older than mine, and she was quite supportive.

And, uh, I was thankful that that was my job so that I wasn't having to figure out how to juggle deliveries in the middle of the night. Right. I did have some occasions where I had to go in for ectopic pregnancies, and that was always a challenge. 

Yeah, 

we had a per, one day a week we had a procedure that started at 6:00 AM and being the new doctor on the block, I was selected to be the one who provided that service.

And um, I remember the daycare opened at six, so I was the one there with my two little babies in the dark outside the door with all the, you know, diaper bags and walls and all the stuff, um, waiting for the, the door to unlock. And then I would just. Push my kids inside, say goodbye and run down the street.

And they, they all knew I would be there at six 10. So it was, it was not easy. 

I can imagine. Wow. 

I'm eternally grateful for the counselor that I had, and she's retired now, but we're still connected.

And, um, she, she was instrumental in helping me through that time and helping me to see what my path forward. 

Yeah. 

Mm-hmm. 

So tell me about the decision to do counseling 

I don't think that I knew to do it. I think I was sort of in a fog. I mean, I was pretty isolated. Um, the people that I worked with were new to me. They were, most of the nurses in that practice were about 10 years older than I, than I am

And,, they kind of knew what was happening. They were lovely. They were very supportive and helpful. And one of the nurses in that practice had seen this particular counselor herself, and she highly recommended her. So as soon as I went for the first session, I realized, oh, I absolutely need this, and this is really helpful.

And, it was definitely what got me through plus, you know, family support. 

Yeah. 

My mom is super supportive. My in-laws at the time were very supportive and, and still are. Um hmm. So, yeah, my sister-in-law and mother-in-law were very, uh, helpful. 

That's interesting. How was that dynamic? 

I mean, I say I won the in-law lottery.

They, they're, yeah. You know, I've been divorced almost, well, I've been divorced 20 years. 

Yeah. 

And I still have a, a wonderful relationship with them. 

Oh, that's wonderful. 

Yes. They're very supportive of my daughters and they're just kind and loving people. 

Yeah. Okay, so that was a lot in a very short amount of time.

So you moved to Texas, you have two under two new job, ridiculous potential for tail. Luckily you find this excellent job. Your marriage has come to an end. How did you move forward? Like what was the rest of your journey like moving forward from that?