Stethoscopes and Strollers
Welcome to Stethoscopes & Strollers! I'm Dr. Toya, mom of two, OBGYN, and coach for physician moms. Here, we go beyond the hospital halls, into the messy, magical early years of parenting—think diapers, sleepless nights, and figuring out how to deal with all those unexpected twists and turns.
Every episode, I dive into topics like mental health, the ins and outs of postpartum sex, sorting out childcare, and how having little ones changes your marriage. We’ll talk about getting back to work after baby, the real deal with mom guilt thanks to those tough doctor schedules, what pumping at work is really like, and how to keep all the balls in the air without dropping any. We’re here to get real about the hard choices, like deciding to stop breastfeeding, and so much more. This is a space for focusing on taking care of you, because managing scrubs and swaddles takes a village.
You'll figure out how to ask for and actually accept help, because let’s be honest, getting support is crucial for thriving as both a mom and a doctor.
Just a quick heads-up: while we're all about sharing and supporting, remember this isn’t medical advice. We’re here to connect, share experiences, and grow—together, without the medical jargon.
So, grab your coffee or tea, and get ready to dive into those parts of being a physician mom that don't get talked about enough. You're not riding this roller coaster alone, and you definitely deserve all the support you can get.
Tune in to Stethoscopes & Strollers for some real, honest insights and practical tips to make momming a bit easier. It’s time to get the conversation started!
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Stethoscopes and Strollers
114. When the Life You Wanted Doesn’t Fit Anymore
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Hey Doc,
Let’s talk about something that sounds simple… but clearly is not.
You are allowed to change your mind.
I say that, and I already know some of you are side-eyeing me like, “Okay… but it’s not that easy.”
I know. I know it’s not.
Because in medicine, we don’t pivot. We commit. We decide and then we stick with it.
Even when life changes.
Even when we change.
Especially after motherhood.
I see this all the time.
Dr. So-and-so used to want the big cases, the leadership roles, the titles, the prestige.
Now? She wants to go to work, do her job well, and be home by 3 to sit on the floor with her babies.
And instead of feeling clear about that… she feels guilty.
Like she’s betraying the version of herself who worked so hard to get here.
Like she’s letting someone down: her mentors, her colleagues… or honestly, just herself.
So in this episode, we’re getting into that tension.
Not in a fluffy “just follow your heart” kind of way.
But in a real, grounded way that actually applies to your life right now.
We talk about:
- Why it feels so hard to change your mind as a physician mom
- The guilt that shows up when your priorities shift
- The difference between “becoming a different person” vs actually evolving
- Why your old goals don’t have to define your current decisions
- And how to give yourself permission to want something different without spiraling about it
Because let me be very clear about something:
Wanting a different life now does not erase who you were.
It means you’ve lived enough to know what actually matters to you.
That’s not failure.
That’s growth.
And if you’re sitting there trying to force yourself to want the same things you wanted at 28…
Yeah. We’re not doing that anymore.
If this hits a little too close to home (which it probably does),
go ahead and press play.
🎧 Listen to the full episode.
What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!
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Hey Doc, I have a quick reminder for you. You are allowed to change your mind in case you didn't hear me. You are allowed to change your mind, and that statement seems so simple until you realize that it actually relates to many, many decisions and internal like tensions that we have as. Physicians, and especially as physician mothers, because we seem to think that if we make one decision, that's it. We have to go along with it. Even when you get new information, even if you find out something new about yourself, even if something major changes in your life, like you have a child, it is very difficult. It seems to pivot because it's what Well, hey, I made my decision. I can't change. People are gonna think I'm flaky. People are gonna judge me. I'm gonna judge myself. But you have a right to change your mind, and that also extends into, you have a right to evolve. It's kind of the same thing, but I feel like I need to say it in different ways because when I am talking to physician moms. It doesn't seem as though it translates. So when I have a client who says, I used to want to operate all the time when I just got out of residency, I was fighting for these big cases and I was such a go getter and I wanted to be. program director. I wanted to be chair of my department. I wanted to be a part of our national organization and be in leadership. And now after these two children, I'm just like, all I wanna do is go to work, collect a paycheck. Get home by three, play with my babies and love on my husband. I don't wanna do any of that other stuff. I don't want those big cases, but there's this guilt and there is shame, and then there's judgment from other people who may not get it, who are still holding onto the people that we used to be and we feel like we have to answer to them and to ourselves because they are the external manifestation of the inner thoughts we're having anyway. But the answer is the same. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to have different values, different priorities. Than when you were younger, san before you went through the rigors of medicine in 2026. You are allowed to want different things, and this is something that I talked about with one of my clients and I was like, there are lots of people who are dealing with this, so I am going to share her story with you because I know it will help you as well. And you can pass it on to another physician mom who feels as though. She is letting her form herself down because the things that she wants are different. They may seem less go-getter, that's a word. They may seem more quote unquote, traditional. It may seem like a betrayal to the doctor that she once was to the little girl who had all the dreams of being a professional who saved the world and did all these things, and now all she wants to do is bake cookies and be with her family. It may feel like a betrayal, but if you share this episode with her, it may help her. Realize that she does, in fact have permission to change her mind, and it is her right. It is your right. We all have a right to change our minds, and I will continue to remind you as much as you need in different contexts because it is very important. Okay, so it's okay to be a different person. I don't really like that. I, I don't like when people say, you know, I had this child and I'm a completely different person. Is that really true? Or is it that you didn't really know yourself before? Or is it that there's a lot that's different, but who you are at the core is still the same? Is it that you have evolved? That is how I like to frame it. We have evolved. We have changed. But to say you're a completely different person. That usually means that there was not a whole lot of time spent on knowing yourself, and that's no shade. That's no judgment. That is probably pretty common for people who have been on a certain path, this rigorous medical path for a very long time. From a very young age, it is very common that we may not know ourselves. Far less if you got married early, Lawd ah mercy. Not knowing who you are is probably the, the norm in those situations. So it's definitely not a judgment, it's just an invitation to think about it differently and I think there's less pressure on it and there's less regret and less, feeling of loss when you just think of it as an evolution as opposed to. A complete death of the person that you, you were, a rediscovery even, but you're not a completely different person. Not, not completely different, not unrecognizable. And if it feels that way, that's a sign that even in this season. Maybe take some time to get to know you because the you that you are now, that you're saying that is completely different is still not you at your core. This is somebody's mother, this is somebody's wife, this is somebody's doctor, and you are so much more than that. You are so much more. You are a complex, beautiful human being, and if you truly feel like having a child. Made you a completely different person, I would like to offer to you, please take some time to discover who the doc is that is looking back at you in the mirror right now, it is, it is a pleasure to get to know yourself. An amalgamation of all these titles, but not limited by them, and that person is allowed to change their minds and allowed to evolve. Alright, doc, that's it. I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.
