119. Affirmations Aren't Magic. They're Instructions.

I have to tell you what just happened in my house. My son ran inside to find me, eyes wide, proud as anything, and announced: "Mommy, I was just being resourceful." His toy car had rolled under the fridge. He tried the broom. He tried the mop. The fly swatter is what finally worked and he found another car under there he thought he had lost.

In this episode, I'm using that moment to walk you through what affirmations actually do. Not the fluffy version. The clinical one.

I'll tell you how my kids ended up saying "I am resourceful" every night, what changed when I started repeating the affirmations back during the day, and what that has to do with you, doc — because this isn't a parenting episode. This is about the instructions you've been giving your own subconscious without realizing it, and what shifts when you decide on purpose.

What you'll walk away with:

• Why your brain takes your I-am statements as instructions, even when you don't believe them yet
• The reason repetition has to come before the meaning lands
• How to reinforce an affirmation in real life so it stops being words and becomes behavior
• The one small homework assignment for this week — pick one, say it out loud, say it in the mirror if you want to get fancy

Homework: One I-am statement. Out loud. Every day. That's it.

Listen if: you've ever rolled your eyes at affirmations, you've tried them and quit because they felt like lying, or you want to know what's actually happening in your brain when you repeat the same sentence on purpose.

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Transcript

 Doc, I am so I want to tell you about the power of affirmations. Not using myself as an example, not one of my clients, but my sweet baby boy. I went outside to check on something, and he excitedly told me, he's like, "Mommy, I was just being resourceful." I was like, "Oh, what do you mean?" And he told me his excited little story about how his toy car went under the fridge, and he used a broom to get it out, and that didn't work. And then he used a mop, and that didn't work. And then he used a fly swatter, and that got the car out. And he found another car that was under there that he thought was lost. And he looked so proud and so excited, and it just melted my heart. I was like, "Oh my gosh, you are the best child ever." And the reason he was so excited to tell me that he was being resourceful and why he even knows what that means is because we say affirmations every night. Well, not every night, but often before they go to bed, i.e., before we close the door and they start playing until whatever time they decide to go to actual sleep, or we come and separate them because they're playing too much 'cause they still sleep in the same room. Anyway, so we have a series of affirmations that we say, and I say them, and then my kids repeat, even my three-year-old. She has no idea about what most of those words mean. You know, if she asks, I'll tell her. Sometimes I start describing what they mean, and then she starts, you know, talking over me because she's three and her attention span is short. But my son is old enough to, you know, really ask and understand what these words mean, and one of the affirmations is, "I am resourceful." And I put that in there specifically for him, but, you know, because it's a good way to be. But he would have a challenge in front of him and just look at me like, " Help me. What do you do?" I'm like, "Try. Be resourceful. Like you... See what's around you. See what tools you can use to figure it out." Like that is the way that I choose to, you know, instill that skill, I guess, is through the affirmation. So we started doing this months and months ago. I can't actually remember when. And so he would say, "I am resourceful." I say it, they repeat it, and I explain to him what it means. And today He just got it. One of the things that I make sure that I do is that during the day when things come up, I repeat those affirmations back because it's not just empty words, So if he's trying to pull a piece of tape off of the roll and he can't do it, and he just looks at me like he tries for five seconds and looks at me, and I'm just like, "No, remember, you are resourceful. Figure it out. See what else you can do." Or, "I can do hard things." That's another one that we say. So I remind them during the day, and it helps give context, especially for my daughter since she, if I just give her a definition, she's gonna be like, "Okay." But I have those examples if she's trying to open something and she can't, and she just gives up and starts fussing. I'm like, "Hey, remember, you can do hard things." And , if she starts screaming at our au pair, I'm like, " Ayo, that was not respectful." And her immediate response is, " I need to say the affirmations." Because one of the affirmations is, "I am respectful." And it's not that I'm trying to raise, yes, children who never push back on authority or any of that. It's a wide range of affirmations that mold them into the people that I want them to be. And I believe you can have a voice and be bold and be respectful. And I feel like a lot of people miss that nuance. They think that to be respectful, you say nothing and you get walked all over and you choke down your, you know, grievances, or being bold and assertive means being rude and disagreeable and, a terrible person. Like, no, there's, there's nuance, and these things can be taught, and they can be taught from very young. So I just wanted to give this very different perspective about the power of affirmations in very malleable, sweet, innocent brains. And I think it is a perfect example of the power of them and how they can shape our subconscious and shape our lives, shape the way that we live our lives, and the way that we walk through this world, and the choices that we make. Because when something happens, when somebody says something to you, these things that you're saying over and over to yourself are going to be presented to you by your subconscious as, " Hey, I recognize this. This is what you say." here, here it is. Here is this thing that you were saying, and it's up to you to choose to acknowledge it. Because when you say the affirmations , when you have that I am statement, your brain does not know that you don't believe it. It doesn't know that you're working on it. It's just something that you're saying over and over. So it's like, "Okay, instructions. Got it." And when the time comes, it will re-present that idea to you, and then you make the choice about if you are going to follow it, if you are going to believe it, if you are going to let it order your steps. Just like my son. He could have looked at that car under the fridge and been like, " Eh, I'm just gonna whine and cry and ask my au pair to get it for me." Or he can hear that little voice that says, " I am resourceful," and make a different choice, and continue to make the choice. Because he said he tried the broom, the mop, and then the fly swatter, because he's resourceful, and he doesn't give up. Oh my gosh, I feel like I deserve Parent of the Year award for this very particular one small thing that just happened right now. Anyway, doc, you know this is not just about parenting, right? This is about you. like I just wanna make sure that is super clear. This is about the power of speaking to yourself in positive ways, the power of affirmations. Even if you don't understand what you're saying, even if you don't believe what you're saying, the habit is enough. The habit is enough because if you're at a point in your growth in your life where you're committed to at least saying them every single day, you're going to be open enough to following them when your subconscious presents them to you in the future, and that's what's going to change your life because eventually your brain chemistry changes and that's gonna change your behavior. Then you no longer have to choose it just becomes who you are. And It's gonna change how you feel, how you live, so that you can live your best life and grow and be happy and be as excited as my son was just now to tell me that he was being resourceful and that he got his car. Isn't that great? That's the best part, that it resulted in him getting what he wanted and more because he found another car that he thought was lost. What additional benefits are you going to get What other surprises are going to present themselves to you once you make the commitment to say the affirmations, to say them over and over, and allow them to change you. So your homework is to just start saying one. Baby steps. Say one over and over. Say them out loud. It is important for you to hear yourself saying these I am statements. That's the most powerful one. A lot of affirmations start different ways, and they're just statements. The most powerful ones are I am. Give your brain instructions about who you are. Just start with one out loud. If you wanna get fancy, in the mirror, look at yourself as the words come out of your mouth, and see how it will change everything for you. And I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.