22: [Let's Get Deep] I'm OVERWHELMED!

Have you ever felt like you’re never doing enough, the to-do lists just get longer, and there’s always something else you really should be on top of? It can be so overwhelming! & you’re not alone—we hear ya!

In this episode, we’re talking about ways to predict overwhelm is headed your way, as well as ways to work through it. This episode is NOT a list of things you should be doing, but just an honest conversation from two sisters who’ve been there and want to go through it with you. 

If you’re not currently overwhelmed, save this for a time you are or send it to a girlfriend you know has felt like she’s drowning lately! 

Love you, cheers!!

Transcript

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Welcome to the Fill Your Cups podcast, we're your hosts, Morgan and Bailey. Thank you guys for tuning into this episode today. I feel like it's going to be a super topical episode today because I'm overwhelmed. That's our title and I am just overwhelmed. I feel like. And I hope other people feel like this too, but there's always something you have to be doing. The second you get a hang of something, there's something new to do. The second you finish a huge project at work and you're so proud of yourself, there's a new project to do. The second you're feeling really good about the way you look, there's some new diet method out there. And I am just thinking about it and I'm like, oh my god, when is enough enough? When are we allowed to say, like, I can't do it anymore? It's never ending. I'm exhausted and that's kind of what this episode is going to be about today is just being okay with giving ourselves grace and knowing when to say no to things and also just knowing that you're not alone and, and feeling overwhelmed and I think a huge thing of it could be from social media of everything looking so easy and all the products being like, oh this is the best new product to try but we need to remember that's not real life and we need to figure out what works for us. And how to be less overwhelmed, because I'm overwhelmed. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like our goal for the episode is to make you feel comforted that you're not alone, but then also to remind you that we do live together. In a world of like instant gratification and consumerism, constant simulation and constant messages that are telling you, you should be doing more. And so you're not alone, but also you can slow down, give yourself some grace. And we're going to talk a little bit about the ways that we kind of deal with that. Yes. Before we do get into that juicy juice of the episode, though, Let's fill in your cup. I have my water, and then Jared got Chick fil A for lunch today. So I had him get me one of the diet lemonades. Ooh, yum! I love these things. Those are good. They definitely have, I, it's not Stevia, they have, Splenda in them. Uh huh. But every once in a while. I love them. They're so good. They're like, I'm pretty sure they're like 50 calories or something. I don't know. Oh, they're so yummy. Yeah. No, you deserve it. You're always just drinking water anyway, so you're good. And it's in a straw. And it's in a straw, you know me so well. What about you? Um, I am just drinking a little bit of water today, but I do have a Pibb on the side, but the Pibb's not really doing it for me today. I think I'm just so, yeah, I think I'm just so thirsty and like, Dehydrated. So I'm like, I just need water. We did drink a little bit yesterday. We did. It was a cute little football Sunday. First football Sunday in our new home. Oh my gosh. So, oh yeah. Update for our listeners. This is going to be a couple weeks after we've already moved in, but Mason and I moved into a new home. We did not buy. We're just renting still, but hopefully it's going to be somewhere where we can be for a few weeks. So, uh, I'm excited. Couple years and yeah, kind of get our little adult life chapter started. I'm excited about it I walked there at some point in the day and my watch told me it was 23 minutes. That's incredible So I didn't ask me today if I was gonna walk here. Oh, really? He's like, are you walking with all of your stuff? Oh, you're like laptop and your drinks, right? Oh my gosh, I did tell I was like, honestly if I didn't have to be there and like 30 minutes and still make an outline. I would walk there, but I don't have the time today, but it makes me excited that we can do that in the future. How good. And it's not in your neighborhood, but you've always said you wanted to live close and this is pretty close. I know. Yeah. Now we just got to get Julia in here. Yes, yes. Julia and then we'll get Jordan in. Yes, exactly. Gotta have the. family all in the same spot, compound. Yes. That's what Jared calls it. Yeah. Speaking of Julia though, she actually is involved in our shout out for the day. She, we were leaving book club a week or two ago and got a call and you were actually in the car with me. So I was like, Julia, you're on speaker with Bailey. And she was telling us how she had been talking about the podcast with her friend at work, long time childhood friend, Sam, and that Sam had listened to a few of the episodes here and there and was like, you know, I've really been meaning to like, go back and listen to them sequentially, which You don't have to do, but you totally can. But she went back to our very first episode, which also by chance was our longest episode. And she said that she really loved it. And she actually started implementing some of the cue and response techniques that we talked about for nurturing your relationship. She started implementing them in her marriage and she was just really excited about that and shared that with Julia and Julia was really excited too. So she shared it with us and we just loved hearing that feedback. I think that it can also encourage you, like, whether or not you've listened to every single episode, or you're just tuning in for this one for the first time, you can always go back to any of our episodes, you can scroll through the titles, see what looks interesting, or just, even if the title doesn't look interesting, that's probably, like, a very brief thing. Snippet of what the episode's actually about, so give them a try, go back, listen to one or two. You know, every time that you go back and listen to an episode you haven't listened to before, that also is a download. So we, which helps us a ton. Downloads, reviews, all of that helps us a ton. So we really appreciate the positive feedback. Yes. Keep givin it to us. We love it. Yes, and without further ado, I think we can move right into being overwhelmed. Get right into it. So, uh, we always kind of start with the how we thought of the episode. And I remember, this was several months ago at this point, because in, I feel like in January is when I really started my new, like, better version of myself, of like, trying to eat better, trying to form habits, trying to like, I don't know, do all the things. That are to make you better, but I remember walking on the treadmill, and I was doing the 12 330 method have you ever heard of that? I haven't I saw it in the notes Yeah, I was curious so they tell you to walk at a 12 speed Wait, no, sorry. They tell you to walk at a 12 incline at a speed of 3 for 30 minutes. Oh, okay. And they say that's like the best way to do it. You're going to lose the most weight doing that. You're going to like, be the most active doing that. So, and it's not easy to walk at a 12 incline. It's really hard. It sounds terrible. It's straight up like, You're off the ground. What? I mean, I'm like, what's that a on a scale of like one good, right? I don't even I don't even know how high the inclines go, but it's a big one Um, but I remember being on that and I was just scrolling on Instagram you know Just passing the time and I saw an ad on Instagram that was like, oh, are you doing the 12 3 30 method? Like cut that out. You need to be doing this instead of that You need to be running on the treadmill so that way you can start watching your oxygen level intake and making sure that you're in the right ozone layer or whatever it is, like the ozone, maybe not ozone, but like the right oxygen compartment for yourself. It's like your C2 or something like that. And I remember being on the treadmill and being like, oh my god. I can't do it anymore. I was like, I'm already doing this other fad that is like proven to work wonders and everyone does it. And then I see this other one that's like, don't do that. You need to be doing this instead. And I was just like, oh my god. I can't, I can't keep up with it. Yeah. It's how I legitimately felt and I was like, I just, I can't do it anymore. So, that is really like where I got this. Cause I was like, I was so overwhelmed. And I feel like whenever you feel overwhelmed, It can be hard to remember that you're not alone in that feeling, and that a lot of people feel overwhelmed. It's not, like, I have a problem with, like, minimizing my feelings, of like, this is stupid, you need to work through it anyway, like, you're complaining for no reason, so, things like that. And, I think that that moment I just realized like, okay, I need to give myself the grace to step back and to say, I'm not going to try this new fad. Maybe I don't even need to be doing the 12, 3 30 anymore. Maybe I'm just walking because that's also good for you. Like, you know what I mean? So something like that. And I also think it's important to talk in this episode about how I know that our podcast, we always have like our how tos, and we have our bit of funs, and we have our let's get deep. And I feel like a lot of times whenever you're listening to podcasts, or better help books, or things like that, there can be a lot of information. Yeah. And a lot of like, do this to be a better wife, do this to be a better mom, like do this to look better, do this to feel better, and everything's like piles on top. And so I just want to give our listeners The know that or I don't know like the understanding that yes, there's a lot that you can do But it's okay to step back and to learn like what you can't add on to your plate anymore Yeah, so I definitely wanted to talk about that. Yeah, and that's some I feel like the point too is that sometimes What you're doing is plenty. Yes. Sometimes what you're doing is enough. Yes. Like, it is great to want to improve, but when you are, yeah, working on your health or whatever, that's a great example of you have to just start with one thing. You can't start with the 25 things that your phone throws at you, and I, I totally relate to that. I didn't, I wasn't doing the 12 3 30 method, but I feel like I'll be in a routine of something that works really well for me physically or like exercise wise. And then all of a sudden, have you been getting the, on Snapchat, I get it all the time, ads for the wall Pilates thing. Oh my gosh. Yes. I get it all the time. And then today I got like a dance one and whatever. And it, it makes you, even if you are in a good routine, sometimes it just starts to make. You second guess yourself, and you start to be like, Am I doing the best thing? Am I gonna get the best results? Is this the best thing for me? Is it affecting my oxygen levels properly? Like, what the fuck? Who can even keep up at this point? That's how I felt. Yeah, so it's like, just realizing that what you're doing, whether it is in your health, or in your marriage, or in your, with your kids, or in your workplace, or wherever it is, in your friendships, that sometimes you just Have to be like look I I'm doing enough. Yes. What I'm doing is enough yes, there's room for improvement as there always is but sometimes if you are just like spinning your wheels and feeling frustrated because you're getting this constant stimulation overload of everything that you could be doing. Yes. You have to realize like you already are doing. Yes. Plenty. Yes. I feel like sometimes we add on not even to improve ourselves and not even, even because we're like, okay, I do need to be doing a little bit more. Sometimes we just add on to add on because our phones are telling us to add on or you're a really good work friend is saying, oh my God, have you ever tried this hot yoga before? You should come. And you're like, I already am so busy every single night and I never get to spend time with my dog, but okay, I'll add it in. Like, you know what I mean? Like, sometimes you're just adding on to add on. Yeah, and we can be very impulsive, especially with the, when we talk about our phones telling us what to do. Yeah. There is the instant gratification of purchasing a new product or of purchasing a new program. It's like that dopamine hit. Yeah, exactly. And then there's also the added, you know, of telling someone, like Jared and I have talked about this before, where you, you go and you, you buy a new product or whatever, and then you go and tell someone, oh, I'm going to start using this, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then sometimes it's like, You, the actual reality of you doing it doesn't, you don't even actually have the will to follow through, kind of. Because you've already gotten the good juices of buying it and telling someone about it. Yeah. So, you've already kind of, Done the heavy part of yeah, exactly, yeah. So, it's just one of those things where it's like, do I really need to be adding this in my life? Or is my life that important? Good, just right where it's at. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. It's also good timing because it's like right before the holidays. Yeah. Which, holidays can get so busy, so overwhelming, so overstimulating. There's always someone to see, there's always a new present to buy, someone for, or For someone for someone Yes, and so I feel like hopefully this can be a topical even in that route. Yeah, I feel like that I feel like the holiday season is one that can be an innate sense of overwhelm. And yeah, especially if You're like us. We have lots of Thanksgivings and lots of Christmases that we attend and Christmas Eve's that we attend and Just lots of people that kind of depend on us at this point. So yeah, it's a really good time frame This is a really good kind of line in the sand for me to remind me that right now I need to be thinking about the next few months and rather than Dreaming up all these things that I should start or that I should be doing. Yeah, just Really doing the, not bare minimum, but really doing the Most important things. And cutting out all the other bullshit. Yeah. Like, The things that you don't need to do, the things that are hurting you. Yeah. And my boyfriend. Absolutely. Distracting you from what is more important. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. It's actually funny. Have you ever seen Bad Moms, um, Christmas? Or, I think it's called a Bad Moms Christmas. I feel like I've seen Bad Moms. Okay, so the Chris It's Mila Kunis. Yes, and Kristen Bell. Okay, I've definitely seen one of them, I don't know if I've seen the Christmas one, I can't remember. You've probably just seen the regular one, but I love the Christmas one so much. It's literally one of my Christmas movies that I watch, which cracks me up because it's Bad Moms Christmas. I need to watch it. But you have to watch it, it's so good. But it's basically, kind of like what we're talking about in this episode, like the mom of Mila Kunis, She decides to have a really low key Christmas with her kids this year. Like, they're not gonna go caroling. They're not gonna go see the Nutcracker. They're not gonna go do, like, all these things that her kids don't Go see the lights and Yeah! Like, that her and her kids don't even really want to do, they just have to. So, she was like, yeah, us and our kids, like, we're gonna have a low key Christmas. Stay in, make cookies, watch Christmas movies, whatever. And then, Mila Kunis's mom comes into town, the grandma, and she's like, You can't do that, you have to make your Christmas wonderful for your children. So then the rest of the movie is like, them doing the most outrageous Christmas things, Oh gosh. In like a five day time period. And basically at the end of the movie, Mila Kunis like breaks and she's like, I can't do it anymore, like this isn't what I wanted, this isn't what my kids wanted, I don't want to do it. And I feel like, It's almost like a perfect example of how it happens when you break. Yeah, you kind of get to a breaking point. Yes, so honestly I feel like that, that's like our first thing, because I want this episode to be not a how to because I don't want to overwhelm you with more how tos, but we are going to kind of try to talk about like, how we can give ourselves a grace, how we can help ourselves whenever we're feeling really overwhelmed, and honestly I feel like the first step is identifying who you are. When, like, identifying how it feels when you're about to reach that breaking point. Mm hmm. So, like, look at yourself. How can you tell that you're about to snap? Mm hmm. And how can we stop it before we snap? Yeah. You know what I mean? Do you have, like, a tell sign for yourself? I do. I have several, I guess. Yeah? I, I do think one thing that we're not very good at as a culture is, Being in tune with our body and our emotions and like how, how they connect, you know? And I definitely noticed that for me, I start to feel very, very tired. Like it's not necessarily that I'm not sleeping as well, but that can be an indicator too. But I just feel. At the end of the day, I feel that like kind of bone tired feeling. Yes. And like I have to lay down. Yes Yes, and it's unusual, you know, it's yeah, it's an unusual tiredness and one where i'm so Fatigued mentally that my body is just exhausted, too And that actually is scientific by the way I I have learned this that you have a certain amount of calorie expenditure you can do in a day And that's why sometimes like people can Run for miles and miles and miles and miles and like not lose weight because you only have so many calories that you can expend. Yeah. And your body when you start expending them on like the physical part or vice versa, you start spending like mental calories on mentally fatiguing things it can take away from where else it could go. Yeah. Anyway, we can get more into that in another episode. But, but yeah, so I definitely feel like just that bodily fatigue is a sign and one that I ignore a lot. One that you just try to power through. Yes, and I'm just, like, I'll get to the end of the day and say that we have plans or something. I'll get to the end of the day and I'm so tired, but I'm like, well, I already agreed to go to this work happy hour. Yeah. So I go anyway, and then I'm Honestly, like, it may not have been the best choice for me to push through that and go. I, I hate, like, I don't like, uh, I get frustrated with when people are flaky, but I think that on the opposite end, I could work sometimes on being more self aware and okay with every once in a while, like, breaking a commitment because I can feel myself getting to that breaking point and not, and it, it'll be worse for me and the people around me if I get to that breaking point than it would be for me to break this one commitment tonight, you know, sometimes. Right, yeah, and give yourself like a recharge. Yeah, and of course it depends on the situation, but. Of course. Yeah, so I would say that is one. The other one I would say is, this is so stupid, but, uh, when I start to feel myself, uh, Like, when I start to feel the sting of tears cropping up, like, more often than usual. Yes! That, that's my telltale sign, too. Yeah, like, I start to feel that pressure, and I start to feel, like, crying over things that don't warrant me crying. Yes, and I have that, I think I told you about this, but I had that not that long ago, and I think it was more of a hormonal thing, but I, where we played volleyball, and we like lost pretty badly a couple times, and I got in the car, and I wanted to ball, and I was like, this is not a perfect, this is not a match, a matched response to what just happened. Like, yes, that was annoying and frustrating, and No one likes to lose. Yeah, but I shouldn't be bawling like you know what I mean? Like, it's just, the response was way, over, it was just way over what the actual action was. So yeah, so that's the other one when I can constantly feel like that prick of tears and like stinging of tears. And so you said that's yours. Do you have others? Um, I think so. Yeah. So my main one is like whenever I can feel myself being very emotional, cause I think I'm not a super, super emotional person in the way where like, I feel like I don't act out of feelings a lot. Like. Which I'm thankful for. Hopefully you don't disagree, I don't know, but No, I don't, I, I would agree with you. I mean, I feel like you have emotions, but I, I don't feel like you Make emotional decisions. I don't think I do either, but, when I can feel myself feeling like I'm wanting to cry, or I can even have the reaction on the other end where I'm just like, wanting to snap. Like, to get angry, or to be like, oh my god, like frustrated. And I think that those are emotions that I don't feel too often throughout the day. Like, I like to think I'm pretty go with the flow, like, whatever you need to do, I'm fine with. Like, if it helps your emotions better, that's fine with me. And, like, it genuinely is fine with me. But then, once I'm feeling too overwhelmed, I can really feel, yeah, the sense of emotion and the burn of the eyes. I like that you said, like, when I feel the stinging of the tears. Yeah. that's real. Like, I'll be reading a piece of mail. That's like, hey, you just need to do this. You have a car warranty. Come and do this. And I'm like, no, oh my god I can't do this. Like I just get too, yeah, I get like emotional about that. And then another big one for me is like the decision fatigue. So where I just can't make a decision to save my life. I can't tell Mason what we're gonna have for dinner. I can't decide what shirt to wear in the morning. Like, I just feel like I'm like, I need someone to do it for me because I'm doing too much. And this is another thing that I'm needing to do. And I can't do it. Those are big, big ones for me. For sure. I think that, um, I feel like anger is a big one for a lot of people. I was gonna say something else that, I mean, I wouldn't relate to this, but, or this doesn't happen to me, but I think that for people who That's it. You I think that there are emotions that people go to whenever they are overwhelmed, like for me it really is like sadness and like, sobbing, like that pit pity kind of whatever, but for people who are more anger prone, I think like racing heartbeats. Can, can be a sign that like maybe they don't realize that all, but if you're noticing that you're getting really like kind of that adrenaline rush or like that heartbeat increase, more often than usual might be a sign that you're kind of like turning the point on a breaking point or yeah, maybe like constant headaches. Is a big one. Yeah, because there's so much pressure in your body and like, I feel like whenever I notice I do have constant headaches, I notice at the same time I've been clenching my jaw like crazy. Which is like a sign of stress and overwhelmed and, um, so that's funny that you say that because I didn't even think of that as like a sign, but it really is. Yeah. So many, isn't it crazy how many things your body tells you. I know. Before you know. Yeah, that you're like not conscious of. Yeah. The another thing I know both of us are kind of bad about this, but I will pick at the skin around my nails, which I do Pretty regularly anyway, but like I notice that when I'm particularly stressed like during the holidays Oh, yeah, don't even look at the skin around my nails because I will pick them until they like bleed It's so bad, but it's just such a mindless thing. I don't even think about And that is something that I think You know, if you're someone who has those nervous habits, like biting your nails, picking at your nails, picking at your face, picking at your hair, pulling your hair, or pulling, uh, Jared does, like, the pulling at his beard sometimes. Picking your lips. I pick my lips bad. Picking your lips, yeah, yeah. Are there, like, nervous habits that you feel like, and maybe you have them all the time as well, but that are increasing? Like, they're worse? They're worse right now. Then you may be kind of overwhelmed. You may be a little overwhelmed. That is very true Yeah, and then I feel like we go into the next one of What is kind of pushing you too much? What apps are Making you feel like you need to do more what people are making you feel like you're not enough like and then how can we? Look at those people and just kind of like take a little break. We don't need to cut anything off We don't need to delete accounts But like when we're in that really overwhelmed stage Maybe we stay off of the Instagram for four days. Maybe we like, don't hang out with, not our mom, but like, maybe your mom is someone who, you know, every time you see her, you're like, oh my god, like, she's nitpicking me. Maybe we don't see her for like, two weeks. And that's okay. Like, I feel like we need to identify, What in our lives are causing the overwhelm and causing the stress and the breakout, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I think that I mean we're all about things that can fill your cups, right? So I feel like thinking about the things and I think we say this a lot But just because something is not filling your cup consistently doesn't mean that you completely take it out You know, there are things that you can that you can handle a drop at a time. Yeah, whereas But if you're allowing something to be poured in at a cup, two cups at a time, you know, and it is something that is not very life giving, then, and it's way more life draining, then that's going to be, That's going to be harder on you. So, so not saying, like you said, cutting anything out, but what, yeah, what things are really filling you up? Can you just keep those things? And then what things are not filling you up? And can you just, I am so, totally not above, Muting someone's Instagram or something. Oh, yeah I mean people don't get notified that you mute them if you mute like their posts or their stories or something Yeah, and you can always write back on mute them Yeah, even if there's someone that in the past you've been fine seeing their posts, but mm hmm. I had a period of time Where I got, I got off Instagram pretty much totally, but I just was, yeah. And I was just noticing for like a couple of years, I think. And I was just noticing that I was in this weird place where I wasn't, I wasn't comfortable with my, enough with myself to be seeing other people's lives, even though I was like, yeah, I feel happy in my relationship. As soon as I'd see someone else's relationship, I'd be thinking, well, why don't we do that? Why don't we look like that sort of thing? Or about my body or about whatever it was. So I just think that, yeah, I, I like the idea of seeing what things are filling you up, seeing what things are not, and then just kind of cutting that excess. Yeah, absolutely. I like that you even said, um, like you're not above muting people, because I think that this can happen in real life where, and like we're not only, I'm not only talking about like celebrities and influencers and stuff like that, I'm talking about like people you know too, like maybe, maybe you're feeling behind because you're And you're not married, but like most of your friends are or something. There's no rush. Like we, we've said this before, like we're not on a scheduled timeline or anything like that, but like maybe it's making you feel like your relationship is not enough. It's making you feel like, what is my partner waiting for? It's making you feel like, Oh, I need to do this. Or maybe you're like, I don't even really want to get married right now, but I feel the pressure to or something like that. Yeah. It's okay to like mute your friends who are, Doing their engagement parties or like getting married like it's okay to do that and then come back whenever you're ready Just so that way you're not looking at it from an envious point of view and looking at it as a way of like You're not doing enough. Yeah, and that's just like a small example but it could be people having kids people moving across the country people graduating college and you're like I still have two semesters, you know, yeah I could see parents really needing to, especially like if they're in a stage where they're figuring this shit out and it's really hard and there are other people on social media that look like they have all their shit together and they have the perfect kids and their kids are Reading at age six months. And like the celebrity mom who looks like she never had a baby. And it's like, Oh, it's probably because she has eight home trainers. Right. She has a private chef. She like can do, she has a full gym at her house. Like, but Instagram doesn't give you that. No, no. And that's another thing too, that whenever you're looking through these apps, we have to remember that it really is a highlight reel. Like even for the people that try their hardest to have their most, their most authentic self. You're still not seeing the worst parts. You're not seeing the fight that they had with their husband last night. You're not seeing the pimple that they're covering up with foundation. Like, you're not seeing the negative checking account because they spent it on their car payment. You know what I mean? Like, there's just so many things you don't know. And so figuring out the triggers I think are so important so you can let yourself breathe Yeah, I think a great thing that's just popped in my head, but a great thing that you could do as well Is because again, we're not saying cut it out. We're not saying delete instagram or anything like that, but could you delay Like if Instead of mindlessly just opening it up at the end of the day when you're already feeling tired and fatigued and whatnot. Yeah. Could you just delay, one of the influencers, like nutrition influencers, says this more about nutrition, but I think it applies here, but delay, she says, she always says delay, don't deny. So it's like, you, you never have to deny yourself ice cream, but like maybe you could delay it by like drinking some water first. I love that. You know, and I think with social media it could be the same thing, like when you're going to open Instagram, could you just delay it by doing something for yourself first? Yeah. Yeah. Could you get up and, like, get up and run a bath, or get up and paint your nails, or get up and take a quick walk around the block, or get up and Snuggle your dog. Yeah, well, yeah, snuggle your dog. Like, just delay it. You know, you don't have to deny yourself Instagram, but maybe just delay it by doing something for yourself. Like, I think that could be really helpful when you're in the state of overwhelm to just Instead of like, it seems like tuning out on your phone might be the best answer, but yeah, it often you're just Oh, you're absorbing even more information. That's just overwhelming. True. So true. Or now you're stuck in a position where you're like, well, since apparently I'm like, I need to take a break from this. What am I going to fill my time with instead? Like, and you're like, you're just adding more for yourself again. We're just adding and adding and adding. That's so funny. So on the other side of things, like the actual to do's that you have to do, I think that's a huge one for me that makes me feel Overwhelmed is just when there's so many things to do. So, I want to know, like, how can we delegate our tasks? Can we ask our husband to take our kid to soccer practice tonight? Like, can we, I don't know, like, there's always laundry to do. There's always dinner to cook. There's always store to go to. Like, can we order our groceries online to be delivered this time? Like, you know what I mean? Just figuring out what can. I take off my plate. What can I ask someone to help me out with? What can I use the power of like the internet and immediate services to my advantage? Yeah, definitely. I think that. Asking for help is so underrated and it can be so helpful and some, I, I say this all the time, but if you don't, if you never ask, the answer is always no. So if you are never asking for help with the dishes or whatever it is, then you're always going to be doing it yourself. You know, they can't, people in your life are not mind readers. So yeah, I think that asking for help. And then also, I mean, In the workplace, too. I think that we think that we need to, well, it's like, oh, I've got to do my job. But, okay, is there, is there too much on your plate? Like, is there something that you could be asking for help with? Is there something that you could just be, have an honest conversation with someone and be like, look, this, I, this task is just so, A little bit too much at the moment. Could I do it less frequently or could someone else help out with this? You know, that sort of thing. Yes, yes. I had to do that once at one of my jobs because we would have like, our weekly check ins on Monday morning at like 10 a. m. And I remember telling my boss, because it was like with my corporate boss, I remember telling him and being like, I can't do check ins at Monday at 10 a. m. anymore because I'm so like, I'm still trying to take off my coat at 10 a. m. on Monday because I got in at 8 a. m. There's all these things for the weekend that I have to do. There's all the people to check in with. And at the time I was a property manager, so I was also like. Having people walk through my door at 8 a. m. Yeah, and I was like, I just can't be doing this anymore So we actually ended up moving it to I think we either move it to the end of the day on Monday or the end Of the day on Tuesday because I was like, I just I'm not Effective if we are having Monday morning 10 a. m. Meetings. I'm giving you no notes I am letting my other co workers down like I'm running behind like crazy Yeah, and so it was funny we did have to adjust and you know Make workout better for us. We did that with our staff meetings when I was at the chamber. They used to be on Mondays at like 1, I think. Which doesn't seem like that far back, but at some point we were like, we would have staff meetings, but none of, we would all still kind of, Yes! All we did all morning was get caught up on emails and whatnot. Yes! So when we arrived at the meeting, we didn't really have Any, we didn't have like brainstorming. We didn't have anything really. There's like no updates to give each other. Yeah, we had nothing really prepared. So we moved them to Tuesdays, and it worked a lot better, and I just remember at some point someone being like, honestly, like, I just don't even know what, I, I don't even know where I am on the day. Yes, that's how it goes, because there's just so much to do. Yeah. It's always with the tasks. That's a good example, yeah. Um, I also feel like, instead of taking everything on, like, in your home life. So, with the dinner, the laundry, the groceries, the taking your kids places, the hanging out with your friends, like, can we, I don't know, like, let's set up a carpool for our kids. Like, hey, I'll take them this week, you take them next week. You know, like, I'm sure those other parents are also exhausted. Like, I'm sure our parents, I know I carpooled all the time. Mm-Hmm. because we had to. So I love that. I also think that, um, we have started using like Walmart grocery delivery, which is, I think we only used like a free trial, which I think was like six weeks or something like that. But we just did all of our grocery orders online and it got delivered to us. But you could also do like a pickup. Mm-Hmm. where if you don't have the 30 minutes to an hour to spend at the grocery store. Can we, you could just drive by and they'll load it for ya. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I loved doing that option. Especially for when I was like, there's too much on our plate. We're too overwhelmed. I need to change it up. Yeah, I've done that a few times right after a trip. And someone, Brittany actually in our book club, Recently was telling me that sometimes after a trip she'll do like a box of Hello Fresh or something. And have it delivered like the next day so that she doesn't have to worry about grocery shopping and she doesn't have to worry about meal planning. It's all just like right there and she it. I love the preventative measures. Yeah, yeah. So I think that I, yeah, I think that and It is easy to get overwhelmed after a trip or something like that. Oh, yes. Or after the holidays. You could do this after the holidays. Like, after Thanksgiving, you probably have plenty of food left over, but, or after Christmas or something. Or before, even the week of Thanksgiving, week of Christmas when you're like, I know that I'm not going to want to be cooking because I'm going to be like, working myself up to seeing all of my family. Yeah, or like, maybe you're hosting and you're like, I have to be cleaning and getting the menu together. I don't have time to. Think about what I'm going to make for my family this week. Yeah, to just take something off your plate. Yeah, take something off your plate. I like that. I also like the preventative planning of like Brittany ordering her food. I know that was a big thing I had to do with my laundry. So I've said multiple times that like I do a load of laundry every day or some type of laundry every day. And I had to start doing that because I was like, I was only doing it once a week, and on Sundays that was all I was doing all day long. And I was like, I've never caught up! So like, me doing it, one little small thing daily, made a huge difference. Prevents a little bit of overwhelm. Yes! Prevents you exaggerating the overwhelm on Sunday when you're like, Yes! I'm already overwhelmed and I've got all this laundry to do. Mhmm, or like if I was gonna be busy on a Saturday and I was like, well, Laundry's not getting done for two weeks, sorry. Like, you're gonna have to buy new underwear because they're not clean. Something like that. so our next kind of topic, or our next bullet point, is just knowing when you need to give yourself a break. so, for example, I just moved, like we talked about, and it was really like a two week process for us, probably from the moment that it was like, okay, yes, you can get out of your lease, you can have a shower. It's home, like blah, blah, blah. It was like a two weeks. And during those two weeks, we were go, go, go, go, go the entire two weeks. And I remember telling Mason and I had told myself, I was like, okay, for these two weeks, the priority of working out and the priority of meal prepping is not going to be on my priority list. And I felt comfortable with doing that for myself because I, I've, you know, that was something that I was fine with taking out of my load and something that I said, like, I know that if I try to put all my focus on that, I'm going I'm gonna, I'm going to become too overwhelmed. Yeah, so that was a big thing that I said, okay, I know i'm gonna need a break for this time period So i'm going to take this off my plate I'm not going to be doing this and it's not going to be something I focus on and then Mason still did His working out and his meal prep and I was just like good job. I'm really proud of you Hope you keep going and then now that we're fully moved in it's starting again tomorrow. We went grocery shopping I'm meal prepping tonight. And so i'm like, okay good now we get started again So I was a good moment of like Figuring out the break I needed and figuring out the moment. And sometimes that just feels like a relief. Like, even though you're not stopping forever, sometimes it's just, some of the mental and, mental fatigue and overwhelming feelings is the idea that you're not doing enough. And that can happen if you don't intentionally say, Okay, I'm taking a day off. Then at the end of the day, even if, You probably weren't gonna work out that day. If you didn't intentionally say like, okay today I'm not working out because of this or like these two weeks I'm not working out. If you get to the end of the day where you're like Oh, maybe I'll work out and you get to the end of the day and you didn't then you just feel bad. Yeah, if you get to the end of the day, that was a rest day or an off week, then you're like Yeah, that was the plan the whole time. Yeah, you're like, I got all my other things done. Yeah, you don't feel bad. You don't feel like you didn't do enough. Right. And so, I really, really like that. And I think that you could apply it to a lot of areas. But, the gym is a really good example and I think it could be the same way, like you said, with household chores, with, Work things, there are certain things where you could communicate with your team, like, Hey, I'm still doing these things, but this extra thing that I was doing, like, I can't do that for the next week, so, you know. Yeah. I think that that's, I think that's really great. I think giving yourself a break just automatically get, it's like a permission slip to yourself. It really is. It really is a permission slip to yourself. I like that actually. I hadn't thought about it like that. Yeah. I really like that. It's just like, here you go. Doctor's note. Uh huh. Yes. You are out of school. Excuse for the day. Yes. Yes. I do feel like that is a huge one. Um, and we've talked about this before, but like, your mental health days at work. Yeah. Like, being okay with saying like, okay. There is way too much going on for me right now. I need to take a small mental break. And then there's another one. I'm so talkative on this episode today because I feel so strongly about feeling overwhelmed. Good! That I might get myself a break. But another one that I just recently did for myself and gave a break, and I don't know if it's going to be an indefinite break or not, but has been my skincare stuff. Oh! So I kept Looking at whatever the new chemical was that I was supposed to be doing. Looking at whatever was gonna help my acne and like wrinkle lines more. Looking at what face peel thing I need. Because there's literally always something new. Oh yeah. There's always a new brand of makeup. There's always a new like, this actually isn't good for you. And this has this in it. And this has this in it. Blah blah blah. And I was like, oh my god. So I had noticed I was spinning a little bit. On skincare that I would like I like to say i'm not I don't spend that much money I like to think about myself at least but I was spending some money and I was like Reordering every month and just like I don't know doing these things and then I was like i'm not even noticing a huge difference Anyway, like there's a couple products that I was like, okay I do notice that this is a huge difference like I have a toner Uh that has glycolic acid I think is what it's called And I love that toner and I notice it makes a huge difference for me But like With a, I think I was using a niacinamide to help the redness in my face. I was like, this isn't helping. And I've been using it for like five months now. And I keep spending like 28 a bottle. And I was like, I should just cut this out and I should just stop thinking I need the new skincare brand and the new thing that like just got released. A new bestseller. I was like, I need to stop doing that because it made, it made me feel like it started making me feel like I had bad skin. It started making me feel like. I needed to have the brands that the celebrities were using, like, And it, it was just a moment for me that I was like, okay, I've, I've gone too far, and it's too much for me now, so I just decided to stop getting it. Nice! I'm like, I'm just not gonna do it anymore. When I think of stuff like that, that is a part of an everyday routine, I really try I really try to think about what's sustainable because I think that I think we get overwhelmed because we start things that aren't sustainable And then we feel bad because we didn't sustain them But in reality they were never we never set ourselves up for success in the first place Yeah, and so when I think about that, I'm like Would you, when you're 60, still be applying every single one of these things? Like, every single day? I want, I don't know. I wonder, I mean, maybe. I wonder. Some people probably do, but I feel like, realistically, you know, for whatever person it is, like, what, can you look at, like, everyday things that you're doing and think, like, could I sustain this for a long period of time? Could I sustain this till I was 60 And if not, then, okay, maybe that is. Yeah, maybe pare that down a bit. Yeah. I feel like that's a really big thing too with um, like diet culture Yeah Is that I've heard you say that before like What is sustainable because you can't you can't eat no carb for the rest of your life You can't have no sugar for the rest of your life. You can't um, There's so many more like you can't go on a juice cleanse. Mm hmm all the time or like just a fish diet like yeah It's not sustainable. So figuring out a diet that actually does work and not changing it up constantly because And that's just a, that's just a part of where, in this episode, I'm saying, like, give yourself that break. Like, don't, don't force yourself to do that anymore. It's not working, it's not sustainable, like, stop doing it. Yeah. Don't add that onto your workload anymore. Yeah, I think this episode is very much, like, the theme is kind of, Cut back, stop, like, stop adding more stuff, like, you don't, you don't need more, you need less. Yeah, yeah, actually, I like that. our, one of our last little bullet points is, I think it's totally fine to re look at our goals. And adjust as needed. a huge one for me was my reading goal. I like had set it at 60 books, and I think last year I had hit exactly 60 books. So then this year I was like, oh I can easily hit 60 books again. But then it started feeling like an assignment. And it started feeling like the days or the weeks where I was really overwhelmed. And I wasn't reading. I felt I could feel the overwhelming sense of being like, Oh my God, I'm behind. What am I going to do? I'm never going to reach this goal. Like I need to read these books and. I don't know, it just, it started just feeling like an assignment for me that I couldn't complete. Yeah. And I was like, okay. It's just another one of those, yeah, it's just another one of those things where it's like we have this arbitrary goal, we have this arbitrary thing that we're supposed to be doing, and when we don't do it, then we feel bad. And, of course, you should follow through on your commitments and whatnot, but there are times, there are times to, you know, your life looks a little bit different this year than it did last year. You know, things have changed. There are seasons. Other things have become prioritized like and it's okay to be like, you know what 60 may have been overshooting it for this year I did do that last year, but I Might need to move it down to like 40 this year or something like that, you know? Yeah, I, I love like the word adjusting. Like, you can just adjust anytime. Adjust what looks better for you. Adjust what looks better for your family. Adjust what, just whatever needs adjusting. It's okay. to look at that goal of like, Oh, I wanted to lose 20 pounds by the end of the year, but I lost 10, and that's really good, and if I try to lose these next 10 pounds, like, I'm gonna be starving myself, I'm gonna be spending so much money that I wanna spend on Christmas presents, like, I don't know what it is, but like, adjustment's fine. Yeah. I mean, what would you tell, like, a kid that you were giving this advice to? You know, like, that was like, There's no way I'm gonna make it to my 60 book goal. Like, would you be like, You better hunker down and get going. Like, that's really, really important. Who the fuck cares how many books you read? Exactly. I'd say, I would say, well, what are you gonna get whenever you get to 60? And they're gonna say, I'm just gonna say I met my goal. The satisfaction of, yeah, the satisfaction of feeling good and seeing it on Goodreads. Yeah, I would be like, okay, well, let's set a new realistic goal then. That way it can be satisfying when you do hit it. Right, yeah. Like, let's set, like, maybe, and if you've already read 40 books, let's not set it at 41. Fun. Let's not do that. If you're still wanting to read, like, maybe let's say you're going 45. Yeah. Five more books between the end of the year. I think you could do it. You know, I'd say something like that. And like, figures. Adjusting it. Yes. However works best for you. This is a really silly example, but it just popped into my head because it was yesterday, but we were using this website, Sporkle, that you and Mason showed me. And we were doing little, it's like little quizzes, so you can do like Taylor Swift songs or you can do. Friends, characters, or you can do U. S. states. Yeah, and we started with, like, football teams and whatever, because we're football girlies, as you know. But We're hanging out with Mason. Yeah, but we, so, uh, what I really I feel like this analogy works well because, so I noticed that he would be like, Okay, how many football teams do you think you can get? Or whatever. And this, well, let's say countries. Like, so we were like, Okay, how many countries can we get in this amount of time? We were like, mmm, probably, like, he said, do you think you can get 50? And you, and you were kind of like, I don't know. And I was like, I think we could. I was like, heck no. Yeah, and so, and so we were getting really close and he was like, wow, so, you know, We got to like 48 and we were kind of stuck for a second and we got to like I think ended at around like 70 or 75, but we got to like 48 and we were stuck for a little bit and he was like Oh, this might have been like a really good, 50 might have been a really good go for you guys because you like got to 48 and you're kind of stuck and we like went a little past it and then he would In each of the different quizzes, he would be like, all right, do you think you get five more? Yeah. All right. Do you think you get five more? Or like at some point I think it was, what was it? Basketball teams or something for hockey teams or something like that. And we were like, no, we probably can't get very many. And I think we started with like, okay, can we get 15? And then it was very clear. Like we were struggling. We were struggling hard at like seven. Yes. And so he was like, okay, okay. Just get three more. Just go to 10. Yeah. You know? And it's like, All we, yes, we, like, if you're really, really struggling to get to 7, then 15 is, is not, it's out of the question! It's like, why are you even striving for, why are you even telling yourself, when I get to 15 I'll be happy, because like, Oh yeah. It's so unrealistic, and you know, like, let's just adjust. Yeah, based off of the current circumstances and try to get to ten. Maybe that's a good, that'll stretch you a bit You know, you'll have to work for it. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, so I don't know I felt like no that is like a Yeah, I felt like that game yesterday like I was like that's really nice because For me, I am a numbers person. I'm like rules person. So when I set a goal and I don't meet it, I am upset. And so I, but I like the idea of like, you can change the goal halfway through. Yeah. It doesn't make you, it doesn't mean that you'll never get to that end goal ever again, but it just means like maybe for the time period that you're in, You just adjust it. Yeah. Based off the current circumstances and then you can still work toward that other goal. Yeah, and it doesn't mean you're a quitter. It doesn't mean you're a failure. It doesn't mean like that you didn't put enough time and effort into it. That's not what it means. It just means that it looks differently right now than you thought it would. Yeah, and I think it even makes you more likely to continue that, like, seeking that thing. Like, reading for instance, like, For you, if you were still trying to get to 60 or whatever, at the end of the year you got to like 40 out of 60 and you were like really annoyed by that, really upset by that, that could like put a bad taste in your mouth about reading. You could just like stop. So like if reading is important to you, then maybe just like adjusting the goal, feeling good about it, and then continue reading. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, with my reading goal, what I decided to do is I was like, okay, I feel really proud of how many books I've read. I am still going to my book club books. So I was like, honestly, there's no, there was no real point of setting a goal besides the fact to show all my friends on Goodreads that, Hey, I hit my goal. So I just told myself it was fine. I didn't need to, I didn't need to reach any specific book goal as long as I was still doing what made me happy, which was going to book club, reading silly books that I wanted to read, and then immediately after I decided that, I wanted to read again. And I, like, got, like, seven books that I wanted to read in October, and I'm flying through them. And I think it's because I decided that the number wasn't important anymore, and I decided that I don't know, I just Making that change immediately put me right back on track to I could finish my goal, but now it's not about the goal.

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Yeah. And I think that the last thing that we really wanted to say is that it's always okay to reach out for help. The last thing that our listeners could do is seek help from someone else. More than just like asking for help with chores and whatnot, like asking help with that emotional and mood regulation and yeah. Talking through things. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's important too. Find a safe person in your life who, you know, I can be someone that you can reach out to. like a huge one for me, or like my sisters. And then Mason, and I think. And I'd like to know that they all on their end know that they can reach out to me. And it's like a legitimate, anything they need. I will do. Or that kind of thing. So I definitely think find someone in your life who feels that way about you and who you can be that person for as well. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I think that kind of wraps wraps it up. Hopefully. You guys know you're not alone and feeling overwhelmed. It's totally normal. But there are ways that we can go around it and help ourselves a little bit. Yeah. And this is your reminder if you're not overwhelmed yet, but the holiday season does typically bring a sense of overwhelmed. Right now, think about what things that you can be paring down and minimizing. So like some tabs that you can close so that. Yeah. So you can really focus on the tabs that are in front of you. For the rest of the year and holiday season. Yeah. Well, I think that pretty much sums it up. If you guys felt like this was helpful to you and can be helpful for someone else, make sure you send it over to them and less than what you think. And the upside. Okay. We'll see you guys next year.