58: [Lets Get Deep] Body Image

Welcome to the FIll Your Cups Podcast! Today we're tackling body image. For as long as I can remember, my body and how it looks has always been one of the things I care about the most. Do I look pretty enough? Is my pant size small enough? Do other people think I'm good enough? Our body image has controlled us long enough and we're both ready for a break from it. 

Tune in to hear how we help change our thoughts when we notice we're focusing on bodies too much and why we want to stop commenting on bodies now. 

As always, share this with someone who could benefit from it! 

Love you, CHEERS!

Transcript

0:05

Welcome to the The Cubs podcast. We're your hosts, Morgan and Bailey. Hey guys. Welcome to today's episode. We are diving a little bit deeper today and kind of talking about body image and how we see our bodies and what we notice about our bodies and why it's not necessarily. Something that Morgan and I really wanna continue focusing on so much, and so we hope it's an episode that you guys really enjoy. I feel like it's super relevant, especially going into the summer and how there's such a, there's such a diet culture and there's such a like mm-hmm. I feel like there is like a body movement culture going on right now, but it's like are we going in the right direction or are we still kind of going in a way where that's all that's important to us? Yeah, so I definitely wanna start talking about it, especially as my body is personally changing a lot and like just all the things that I've noticed. So yeah, we're gonna kind of dive into that today, but before we do, what's filling your cup? I have a coffee. It's just my regular go-to with a little bit of almond milk and stevia. Yum. What about you? Same thing. You're so sweet to ask me if I wanted any coffee this morning, and our regular listeners will know that I'm normally a. Iced coffee drinker. Yeah. But I woke up this morning, I was like, yes, I would love a coffee, but also I want it to be hot because you got texted me like 45 minutes before I got here. So I was like, I know you're gonna put it in the freezer for me. Yeah. Because she always does that. It's so sweet. But I was like, I could use a warm coffee. There's something about like, I don't know, this weather I think is like getting to my throat. Mm-hmm. So. I don't know. Soothing, there's, there's some throat stuff going around for sure. Yeah. Something in the air. Kind of icky. Yeah. I definitely had it. And I feel like when the seasons change, I mean, I know that it's real because Ed gets itchy. Yeah. And he starts sneezing and stuff. But when the seasons change, I feel like just some throat and like nose spa congestion stuff happens. So yes. My body cannot handle when the seasons change. Yeah. It, I cannot, it goes down so bad, I dunno. That, but love what's filling in your cup. Do you also have a handy dandy water? I do. Do you? Nice. I do. You. Oh yes. So if you've been listening along, you heard me talk a lot about my, like Invisalign. They were actually called Spark Clear aligners, but basically Invisalign. Whenever I got them, I was always talking about them because I had to be particular about when I ate and drank stuff. Yeah. And so when we did what's filling our cups, I was always like, well just water.'cause I have my liners in or whatever. Yeah. But I got them all. So I pick up up my retainer. This week, and then I'll, he did say, he did say to, he recommended wearing that pretty much all day, every day for the first six months. And then after that I can go to just nightly. Oh, that's so exciting. So it will still look like similar to an aligner. Yeah. When I'm wearing it. But yeah, I'm excited. I know. I'm excited for you. And they look so good. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. It's, I was kind of like, it's funny that we're talking about body stuff today. Oh yeah. Because I definitely, I mean, the reason that I got my teeth. Straighten is definitely like a vain aesthetic mm-hmm. Thing. Mm-hmm. You know, but I, and I have been talking about it. Mm-hmm. But I do feel like there's something a little bit different, more sensitive about. Body image. Yes. And especially as women. Completely agree. I was gonna say, I feel like that's something I wanna dive into with this episode is like vanity and like Yeah. What, what we can talk about and what is okay to mention and Yeah. Things like that. Because it can be such a weird slope. But that's so funny that that really like kind of led into today's episode. Yeah. However, before we do that, we should do our shout out. Yes. I was gonna say, before we get too far, I do have a shout out. So. We did our Fill Your Cups Party, and we asked a bunch of people for a bunch of random shout outs. And this one's kind of selfish'cause this was my shout out, but I wanted to give a shout out to our mom. She has been an avid supporter, an avid listener. I know she listens to every single episode, and then I know she talks about it with the family because they always kind of know what we're talking about or. Like we did our Summer in and outs episode, and Chloe love our little sister was like, oh my god, mom's gonna be so excited. Like, she loves the Inn Outs episode. Yeah. And then she makes us all come up with our own in and outs and I'm like, that's so fun. Like, that's what we want. So I just wanted to say, shout out to you mom, and we really have appreciated all your support. Um, I had been really enjoying this season of life that you and I are getting to go through together with my pregnancy and just how supportive you've really been and how you've been. A reliable person that I can ask a lot of questions to, so, and expect a lot from, and you always come through. So, Aw, thank you. And shout out to you, mom. Shout out. Yeah. Yeah. Earlier you said something about your body changing and I was like, okay, if you're new here, it's because she's pregnant. Oh, yes, yes. That's why, that's why you said something about your body changing. But yeah, I know the going through being. Pregnant, I'm sure makes you feel, just starts making you feel differently about lots of things in life. It does. Yeah. Including like being a mom. Having a mom, and then also like the body, the stuff that we're talking about. Definitely. So yeah, this episode kind of was sparked by, if you listened to our last episode, we did a summer in and outs, and one of your outs was. Talking about your body. Yeah. And one of my outs was complaining about my body and we came up with our own in and outs at separate times. So it's not like we like consulted each other's list first. Yeah. So I thought that that was funny that that was like a top item on both of our lists, Uhhuh. And I feel like it was, I don't know about for you, but for me. That idea of just stop talking about my body in general is sparked by the fact that I'm having a daughter. Yeah. And I just don't want her to hear me talking about my body, even if it's positive. Yeah. Because. Even with positive feedback, it leaves room for negative feedback or leaves room for noticing when things aren't so positive. Yeah. And so, yeah, there's just been this change that's kind of happened to me that I'm like, no, this is really important to me and I actually wanna stop doing it. Yeah, like now. But it's such a hard thing because we talked about, like, we talk about our bodies constantly and we talk about what we notice and how we're feeling that day and what the number on the scale is that day and. Things like that, that I'm like, it's almost so second nature to see it in a mirror and notice it immediately. Yeah. And talk about it. And so yeah. I just kinda wanted to talk about all that today. Yeah. I think it's interesting. So I was just watching my back burner show whenever I don't have something else. Mm-hmm. Going on is always friends. Yes. And I was thinking about how. At that time, which I feel like at the time that those shows came out, we were pretty young. Yeah. And so it was very formative. But I rem like I was noticing in the show, they don't necessarily talk. A ton about the women's bodies. Yeah. But women's bodies that were portrayed in media at the time were all really, really similar. Yes. They're all really, really thin. And that was kind of the standard of beauty at the time. Yeah. And it's, it has what the media portrays as beautiful has changed over time and I do feel like it's becoming more inclusive and you know, the whole body positivity thing is becoming more. It's diverse, I guess, showing different body types and whatnot. Yeah. But it is just all around and it is something that I feel like has been talked about enough that like freely mm-hmm. That now that we kind of feel like talking about it is the norm. Yeah. And I almost wish it was more taboo. Yeah. Like, I almost wish it was like talking about like, you never like. Asking someone how much they make. Yeah. You shouldn't be asking that, you know? Yeah. So, or even talking about how much you make, like that's kind of mm-hmm. It's weird. It would rub people the wrong way. Yes. So I almost feel like I wish that it wasn't such a free subject. Mm-hmm. Because even though I feel like it's really important, I feel like we live in our bodies every day for our entire lives. Yes. Yes. Like it's important to take care of them and it's important. Yes. Our body, like as a vessel. Yeah. Is important. Yeah. But the way it looks isn't so. Yes. I feel like that's a really big thing that I've been noticing is that healthy looks different on everybody. Yeah. Because I feel like, like obviously we've done like a weight loss episode before and we've done, like I've said, things like look like shit, feel like shit, act like shit. Yeah. Kind of thing. Yeah. And it's like, like, yes. It all goes with. How you do look from the outside, but what we're always talking about in those instances is how you actually feel. Yeah. On the inside. And like, do you feel healthy? Does it? For me, for a long time, it hurt to put on my shoes when I would bend over because like I got too out of breath or like my midsection was getting cramped. Mm-hmm. And so like, it's things like that, or like when you do eat really unhealthy, like you do feel horrible and like mm-hmm. Like maybe your skin gets a little backed up or whatever it is. And so I feel like there is the difference between treating your body like kindly and making sure you're healthy versus only focusing on it purely aesthetically. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. What we've been taught is that a specific image is more beautiful than another. Yeah. And beautiful equates with healthy kind of, but it's just like you don't actually know what is going on underneath of that because someone could look very. Quote unquote beautiful. Mm-hmm. Per like magazine standards. Yeah. Or model standards or something like that. And actually be extremely, extremely unhealthy. Yes. So I think it's just the difference of focusing less on beauty and focusing more on health. Yeah. Or like you said, how you feel. Mm-hmm. I don't know what that would be called, like function or something like that. Uh, yeah. I feel like it's related to health. Yeah. Yeah. So. I don't know. I think that I'm really trying to work on getting to that mindset. Mm-hmm. Because, and it's funny because I definitely, when I started doing Beachbody, which they've since changed their name to body, which good for them because Beachbody is just terrible name. Yes. But, but when I first started doing Beachbody, it was very much because I didn't like the way that I looked. Right. But it has it. Since then, like it cascaded me into developing a routine physi like physical health and also just like nutritional health, I guess. Yeah, IT and mindset, like mental health and has helped me see that. I don't know, like doing those activities for me now has way less to do with how I look. Mm-hmm. And I don't think it's. This is where it gets complicated.'cause I don't necessarily think it's bad for people to want to change the way they look. Completely agree. Or like to care about how they look. Yeah. Yeah. But I, I think it's like the priority, right? Yes. Where is your priority, if, you know? For me now, like working now and eating well is mo more because of the way I feel and then also because of the way that I want to like, because of longevity. Yeah. And wanting to. Live a long life, but also that life not be like disabled in any way. Yeah. Or anything like that, as much as I possibly can control. Mm-hmm. And so I think that that's where it's like gotten for me and I, yeah. I don't know, it's just, it's just interesting like coming from that background.'cause obviously I know like your priorities can be misaligned at first. Yeah. But now I'm just getting to a point in my life where I'm like, I don't, I don't want. This to be like a core value of mine. Yeah, no, I totally know what you mean. I do think that it can get slippery because Yeah, exactly what you were saying about how it is okay to want to look good and like to care about how you look. Because that would be crazy if we were on here saying like, you shouldn't care about that at all yet. We still wear makeup and yet, like we still put contacts in so we don't have to wear glasses or things like that. Like, and we still put on cute outfits like. I do think that there's a difference between knowing that you do wanna look good, but then also commenting on it all the time. I think that's where my thing is, and what my main goal is, is just stopping myself from commenting on it. So I'll have days where I wake up and I'm like, oh, I just feel so fat today. Or I'll have days where I wake up and I'm like, oh my God. I look so skinny. And it's just, it's just. Not great that these are two things that I notice daily, and if I'm feeling really skinny, I need Mason to hype me up and be like, yeah, you do look so skinny. And if I'm feeling really fat, I need him to say like, oh my gosh, babe. Like you don't look fat at all. Like your scale hasn't changed at all. You're clothes at the same, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, I don't want. That to even be something that I'm noticing about myself. And I don't want it to be something especially that my daughter hears me say, because it will be something that she then notices Yeah. About herself. And I also think that there is a part of us, and maybe this is just me, but I do think that there is a part of us that when you feel really good about your body. Or you're noticing things like, oh my God, I haven't gotten any stretch marks during pregnancy yet. Or, oh my gosh, like I like my legs are so toned today. Or things, or like, my hair is so long. You are almost kind of comparing yourself to other people. So you're thinking automatically about what doesn't look good and you're like, thank God I don't look like that. Like mm-hmm. I do look good. And I do think that there's a part of me that automatically sees myself as being better than others because. I, I feel skinnier that day, so I'm better than people that aren't feeling skinny that day. Mm-hmm. And I think like, I don't know, hopefully that's a thought that other people can understand. So I'm not just having like a massive bitch, I feel like there's definitely the comparison. Yeah. I definitely feel like if I look at myself and I notice something like, oh wow, I love this line in my leg. Yeah. You know, like the muscle tone or muscle definition or something like that. Mm-hmm. Then it. I definitely could be thinking kind of in the back of my mind about someone who doesn't have that. Yeah. Or like legs that don't look like mine. Mm-hmm. That I'm like, Ooh, wow, my legs look great. You know? Mm-hmm. And I think it's easier to notice on other people too. Yeah. When you're like so focused on your body or it's easier to notice on other people. It's the, I mean, yeah, if, if you are thinking about your body all day long, the first thing that you notice about other people is their bodies. Yeah. And that is something that I've noticed. I'm not perfect at it yet, but in being more intentional about this mindset shift. And kind of redirecting my thoughts about my own body. And one of the like kind of tips that I have with this is I do try to, when I start to think about something negative or positive aesthetically with my body, I try to reroute that to something functional. You know, like for instance, whenever, like if I see like the muscle tone pop or something in my legs mm-hmm. Instead of thinking like, wow, my legs look amazing, I. I try to reroute that to like, wow, my, I'm like, I'm, I'm proud that when I get older I'm gonna have strong legs. I'm not, I'm gonna Yeah. I'm gonna have less of a likely risk of falling. Yeah. You know, but, so I do think that it's, when you like, stop thinking as much about the way that you look, it helps you like not see that immediately. Yeah. When you're looking at other people. But I definitely agree with you. Like you, the comparison. Is hard, whether you're thinking negative or positive. Mm-hmm. And it's fun. It again, it's like I keep saying it's funny, I guess it's not funny, but it's just interesting. Like ironic or, yeah, but like on the flip side, I'm giving the leg example. Mm-hmm. I think just'cause you said something about legs, but I think this pretty often that I care, like I carry weight a certain way in my legs and I kind of tend to have like. Stronger looking legs, I guess or something. Yeah. And it was always something that I was, I didn't like about them really. Yeah. Yeah. Until I started focusing more on health and longevity. Mm-hmm. And thinking like actually having strong legs is one of the biggest indicators of. Older people's health. Yeah, because, because you don't fall in like mm-hmm. Or you have better stability. Yeah. Or things like that. But I always used to be, I always used to like hate my calves, for instance. And like, they're too mu, you know, Uhhuh. But if you don't have muscly calves, then like it's pretty bad for you in the future. So, Uhhuh. But I don't know it, it's just interesting'cause you can see it one way or the other. Yeah. But whether it's positive or negative, it still is. Clearly a focus or a priority. Yes. And I don't want that to be a priority. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's funny. So while you're talking about that, do you feel like had someone around you never mentioned calves and had someone around, you never talked about how small calves are a good thing or like, oh, zipping up your boots, like over your caps. Do you think you ever would've noticed. The calves. No, no, that's a really good point. Right. That's something that I have noticed. I can pinpoint a specific area on my body'cause I heard this on social media and it was talking about how this was a bad place to sore fat, and I was like, oh my god. I store fat there. I did not even know that had a name. Like, yeah, like where it was. You talked to me. Mm-hmm. But you talked to me about something like that. I think it's, yeah. I can't even remember what it was. Hip. Hip dips. Hip dips. Oh, hip dips. Mm-hmm. And it's just right here. You just store fat. And some women just, or some people just do, yeah. It's just different body shapes. Yeah, just different body shapes. Some people carry their weight in their. Like boob. Some people carry it in their butts. Yeah. Some people carry it in their stomach. I happen to really carry mine in the top of my legs, like, yeah. Yeah. I. I had that thought when we were making the outline for this episode, or like talk, talking in advance of this episode. Mm-hmm. That another, I guess tip, which people hear it all the time, but they don't implement it, but is not following accounts like that on social media. Yeah. And you can even, there are settings. In your Instagram specifically? Yeah. I don't know about TikTok. I'm not on TikTok enough to know there should be some type of, yeah. But there is a setting where you can choose, select the advertisements that you get shown to. Mm. Like you can ask them not to show weight loss or help. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I'll have to figure out what that is and then like share it on our Oh, wow. Instagram, because yeah, it's. It's really, I saw it forever ago. And you can go in and literally pick, like pick the topics that you don't want. Yeah. Promoted to you, because obviously we are in control of the accounts that we follow. Mm-hmm. And if we're following accounts that are only talking about weight loss, yeah. We're talking or we're following accounts that are like. This is how to contour your face to make it look skinnier and stuff like that. Then of course it's gonna be on our minds all the time. Uhhuh, we're gonna be thinking, how can we do that? Yeah. Constantly. So the thing that we can control, and I would encourage our listeners to actually do is stop following those accounts. Yeah. Block them or, uh, delete them or whatever. Mm-hmm. And then. Then the other thing that you can't control is what's getting advertised to you. But on Instagram, I do know there's a setting for that. So I'll figure that out and then share it. Yeah, that would be really cool.'cause I see advertisements all the time about things that I probably shouldn't be focusing on anymore. Yeah. Or in general. Yeah. But I still see them and it still, yeah. Triggers an automatic response to be like, oh, mine's not good enough. I'm not good enough. Yeah. And I think that's the thing too, is that I really wanna stop putting my. Worth into how I look. Yeah. Because I feel like I do a lot. Like I don't feel good enough because I don't look good enough. Mm-hmm. In my head. And it's obvi obviously. That's never true. Mm-hmm. I think that's the hard part, is that you can know that something is not true. Mm-hmm. And you can know that it's a lie, but like you still can feel it. Yeah, sometimes. And I think that it's so hard and that's why I wanna stop. The habit and the thought cycle like now. Yeah. So I'm like, it's gonna take me a long time. Yeah. To change that all around. Yeah. It actually is. This actually is funny, I think. Mm-hmm. But it's funny because this episode, our goal is to kind of share where we are with this. Yeah. With this and the, and honestly, I think sometimes our, let's get deep episodes are just us processing, but then also kind of. Saying, putting it out into the universe and saying it out loud. Yeah. So that, so that we can start to make changes. Mm-hmm. And so it's funny because this whole episode we're talking about body image. Mm-hmm. And we're like, but we don't wanna do that anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Which, so it's like, okay, after this episode, then we're gonna be done. Yes. But, but I feel like the, what's important to us is not, is like kind of starting, not necessarily a movement, but starting. With ourselves. Mm-hmm. And then hopefully letting it trickle into our surrounding Yeah. People and families and friends and whatever that, that's just not an important topic for us. Yes. You know, it's just not, the way that we look is just not important. And I do still think it's okay to share. Like I do. I do wanna still. Be able to say like, if I am having a hard time or something like say mm-hmm. Say to someone like, yeah, I'm just, I would probably only say this to you, or like mm-hmm. Like a really close, confident, yeah. Yeah. I'm, yeah. I'm like really struggling with my body image lately. Yeah. Or something like that, or, yeah. I'm like kind of in a bad mind space with my body or something like that. Mm-hmm. Like I still want That still is Okay. Yeah. But I think it's like talk, making comments about your body. Yes. Especially in front of your kids, I think. Yes. Like what you were saying with your daughter, that's been something that I've been just thinking a lot about with all of my friends having babies. I'm like, yeah, they're gonna understand me sooner than later. Yeah. They'll start picking up on that. Yeah. And they'll start noticing things about their own body. Yeah. And yes, yes, that's exactly what I was saying about like. You don't even notice things that are quote unquote wrong with you until you hear someone else talking about it and then you're like, I didn't even know that was a thing that I should be thinking about. Yeah. And that's happened to me so many times. Like last night I was literally going to the bathroom and we were talking about doing this episode and I was looking at my hands.'cause I've always hated my hands. Yeah, same. And I'm like, who hates their hands? Their hands? Like, why is that even something. Like you can't, there's absolutely no control over the way your hands look. Yeah. Or the way your nail beds are set up. Or like the way if your knuckles are bigger than the rest of your fingers, like there's not, you can't work out to fix that. You, you can do nothing to fix your hands. Yeah. And I was like, that's so funny to me that. Like I grew up really hating my hands and I do think it was a topic like in our household kind of thing about like we all talk about it. Yeah. We all literally, every single one of us, yeah. Talk about our hands. And it's so funny because I'm like, they're hands. Yeah. Why are we talking about our hands? I thought I thought about that a lot too and I'm like, it's actually insane because our hands do so much. Yes. For us, they function My my hands function perfectly. Yeah. I'm like, that should look. The look of my hands is the least important thing about my hands. Yes. Holding my coffee mug, going like, I don't know, driving, like there's so many other important things that my hands do besides. Look a certain way. Right. So, yeah. I I actually, I've noticed that too before.'cause we talk so much about hands. Yeah. And I feel like we all talk about how we hate our hands, Uhhuh. And I'm like, actually I, I actually have like, kind of corrected that in my mind a bit. Mm-hmm. Like, I actually, I don't hate my hands. They do so much. Yeah. Like. I love them. I'm really, really grateful for them. But it takes a lot. I feel like it takes a lot of intentional, like mindset work to get to get to that point. Exactly. Because it's so nature. Yes. Yeah. That's what I was gonna say. It's like almost just a habit or like an instinct or what It's a habit. Yeah. Which we talk about habits all the time. The way to break them, you know, is you have to be intentional, but mm-hmm. Yeah. I guess something that I'm, I struggle with with this. Topic too, is I wanna still be able to like compliment people. Oh, this is where it gets so dicey when they look good. Yeah. So I'm like, I don't know the best way to do that, honestly. Me either. I think I'm trying to get farther away from like commenting on the body necessarily. Mm-hmm. But commenting more on like, like. For example, I have this friend who, he has been going through a huge weight loss journey and he's been really working at it. Mm-hmm. And really trying hard, he doesn't talk about it often. Mm-hmm. And so I really only know this because of like snippets. Mm-hmm. So when I see him though, I do, I'm like, I'm like, man, I know I feel good when. People noticed my weight loss. Mm-hmm. And like told me like, oh my God, you're looking so like small. I'd like, oh my God, thank you. But I don't wanna say that to him if that's not something that he's going for or if that's not something that like, I don't know. So instead what I've been saying is like, oh my gosh, I really love that shirt. Like, like, wow, that's a really cute shirt. Where'd you get it? Or something like that. Yeah. Like, and I think that. I think for me a compliment like that is also really nice and I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you. And then I feel good about my shirt and I feel good about the way it looks on me. Yeah. So I don't know. I've been like trying to go farther away from what their body looks like. Yeah. And more of like the surrounding, yeah. Around their body. I don't know. It is a slippery slope on this one. I guess I keep thinking about it from the perspective of,'cause part of what this. Has come from is you having a daughter, but yeah, what would I want a, a daughter to focus on? Mm-hmm. Or whatever. And so I guess I feel like it would, I feel like it's not bad to tell someone like, wow, you look really stunning today. Or like, you're looking really healthy lately, or something like that. Mm-hmm. Like, I wouldn't, I would be Okay with your daughter overhearing me say that. Yeah. Versus like, in the past I've, I. Have often complimented girls like, wow, your boobs look amazing. Yeah. Or something like that. And I'm like, actually, I wouldn't want your daughter to hear me say that because I wouldn't want her to feel like if her boobs don't look like that, yes. At some point then they're bad, or Exactly. Or they have to look like that to be good. Yeah. You know? So I feel like I'd rather tell someone like, wow, that like, you look stunning and you're like that. Mm-hmm. Or I don't know if it's even bad, like you were saying with the shirt, like, that shirt looks really great on you. Yeah. Like I, that still is, looks focused, but it's not body focused, if that makes sense. Right, right. That's kind of what I'm going for. It's like not about your body per se, it is about how you look. I, but that's a hard thing that compliments a lot of times are about how you look. Yeah. And. I would be sad if I stopped getting and giving compliments on that. Yeah.'cause that's like, it's such a huge thing for me that I see it and say it kind of thing. Yeah. Only when it comes to positive things. I never see it and say it about things that people can't change in practice seconds. Yeah. But yeah, it is the slippery slope. And also like if like I'll, I'll tell girls all the time, like who have really good skin or like no wrinkles kind of thing. Yeah. I'll be like, oh my God, like your skin looks amazing. Like what kind of skin care are you using? Yeah. And I'm like. I think that's okay, but also are there gonna be people around that are like, wow, no one's ever told me that. Like, I know my skin looks bad. Or like, are they gonna say like, you know, just what I mean? Yeah. It gets so hard. Just bring it to the attention. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that that's where you have to be kind of careful with your compliments because, yeah.'cause what you just said with the skincare, for example. If your daughter had acne or something like that, or scar or a big birthmark or, yeah, yeah. And heard me say to someone else, wow, your skin looks amazing or something, and she was feeling really. Self-conscious about that. Yeah. You know, then I wouldn't, that's not something I would want her to. So maybe for me in the, when I give compliments, I'll just think about, would I want Bailey's daughter to hear me say this? Yeah. And then that'll help guide me. Yeah. Honestly, while we're talking about this, and I had just said the thing about like, I would, I would never say something about something that someone cannot change in five seconds. Oh yeah. Have you ever heard that before? Yeah. Like, don't comment on something that someone cannot change in five seconds. If they have food in their teeth, you can mention that. Yeah. And say like, Hey. I wanna get this out, and I'm wondering if this goes with, like, you can compliment what they are wearing because that could be changed in five seconds. You cannot say something about their skin because that can't be changed. Oh, yeah. In five seconds, you know? So I'm like, I'm like, maybe that's like something that I can focus on. It's a good distinguisher. I'm not sure though. But no, I like it because Yeah, your skin or like your hands. Yeah. Or something like that. Like if someone smells good, like you'd limit on that because. They can change that in five seconds. Now, I would never tell someone like, you smell terrible. Unless it's a, like someone super close to me and I'm like, Hey, just let you know. You might wanna go throw on some teodor. Yeah, yeah. No, I agree with that. Yeah. Even like in a positive way. Mm-hmm. Like, oh, your boobs look amazing. Oh, your butt looks amazing. Like, that's okay, but what, when? What about when they age 10 years and their butt doesn't look like that anymore? You know? Exactly. I've been thinking about that a lot too, with. Aging. Just that we probably do look the best now than we will ever. And like the, this is probably the peak for, these are our years. Like we'll start getting wrinkles and we'll start getting stuff like that. And I wanna be like thankful for those changes when they come because it means that we're living life. Yeah. And that we're going through life. But I have been thinking about that with aging because I don't want to. Be in, let's say 20 years. I don't want to be looking at myself and thinking, because I don't look the way that I do now. Mm-hmm. That I look bad. Mm-hmm. And so I think that starting, people say this a lot with health, like that high blood pressure when you're 50 starts when you're 30 or, or like. In instability when you're 60 starts when you're 20 or like things like that. Yeah. Like things to work on now, but mentally and mindset work, it's the same way. Yeah. So starting now, dude, that's why I'm doing it. Yeah. Uhhuh. Yeah. Starting now is going to help in the future. Yeah. Make you like, feel, think differently. Yeah. About your body completely. I really wanna do. Like affirmations with my daughter. Aw. So like, I really wanna put a mirror above her dressing table and then like, when we're done, I really wanna like look in the mirror with her and be like, be like, I am smart and like I am strong, I am funny. Mm-hmm. Like I am witty or things like that instead of like, I am beautiful, or I have great hair, I have like cute toenails. Like Yeah. Instead of things like that, I really wanna focus on. The outside qualities or I guess the inside qualities. Yeah. Actually, so opposite. I really wanna focus on the inside qualities. Yeah. And kind of go from there. But there's a part of me that when I get. Done meeting people for the first time. Like the, almost always, the first thing I say is like, oh my gosh, she was so pretty. Or like things like that. Or I think I've talked about it before of how when I meet people for the first time, I want them to think I'm pretty. Yeah. And that is something I really focus on. So yeah. If I'm going to like out with Mason's friends and one of them have a new girlfriend, and I'm like, oh my God. Like I try, I honestly try to look my best. I try to make sure my hair is like looking good, my mascara is looking good. I want her to be able to compliment something on me or say that she likes something on me because I want her to think I'm pretty, because that is something I notice about other people. Yeah, I definitely have those thoughts sometimes, but I. I honestly, I think I have a pretty low standard of beauty. Nice. Like for other people. So Nice. My vanity is so high. It's so high. And I'm like, I need to start working on this now. And I don't know if that's like a nature versus nurture, if that's like a, uh, just how you're born. If I'm, if I've just been more part of social media for longer than you have maybe. Or, I do think I, like, I definitely think about people and the way that they look when I see them. Mm-hmm. But it's not something I really think about once I've left. Being around them. That's so nice. But I, it is like a first thought. I wish it wasn't a first thought. Mm-hmm. Like for instance, we had a pool party yesterday. Mm-hmm. And swimsuits, like, it's what we're talking about like summer. Summer just brings on feelings about bodies and just paying attention to them'cause there's more skin revealed, you know, whatever. Yeah. And I did notice, I don't know, like it, I just. It's like you take note mm-hmm. Of what everybody looks like around you. Mm-hmm. And I guess I don't really feel like, oh, that looks bad or that looks good necessarily. Yeah. But I do just notice like how everybody looks different. Mm-hmm. And people that look d like smaller or bigger than me. Mm-hmm. Basically. Yeah. And, but I, I don't feel like I get home and I'm like still thinking about it necessarily. That's so good. I don't know if, if it stems from social media of being like, who has more likes on their pictures? Yeah. Or what. I will say, that I actually turned on Love Island the other day. Really? I actually, well, I went downstairs. We, I don't know who we were talking about it with, but I went downstairs. I was hanging out with Jared while he was gaming, but I had been drinking, which I can't really like, focus on reading while I'm drinking. Yeah. So he knew I would wanna watch some kind of tv. So he pulls up Love Island and I was like, oh, is this like what we're watching now? And so I started and it's the beginning scene where they're like singing and dancing. Yeah, whatever. And I, within minutes I was like, I don't wanna watch this. Ah. And it truly, I feel like I'm getting better at se setting the boundary where I'm like, this show is. I'm not judging anybody that watches that show. Mm-hmm. But it's not good for me mentally because I was looking at all of the girls and the first thing I said was like, wow, do you have to have fake boobs to be on the show? Ah. And I was like, that's so judgmental. And also, I don't know, I just. I was immediately like, I think part of the reason that I fixated on that is because in the past I've been self-conscious about my myself. Yeah. And so about that particular thing. Yeah. And so I was like, yeah, this isn't gonna be good for me to watch. Yeah. Like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna be looking at other people's swimsuit bodies, Uhhuh, and in my free time, you know? Yeah. And so then I ended up watching. A different show, but I, but yeah, I was just like, wow, this is like all, this is what everybody's talking about and what everybody's watching right now. It is honestly so damaging. It really is. I, I'm not judging people that watch it. I just, I mean, we know. I love that show. Yeah. I've, and I watched a lot of reality shows. Like I watched the, what's the Pods? One Love Is Blind. Oh yeah. And I've watched Bachelor before and stuff like that, but I've, I really have kind of gotten away from them because of the body image thing. Mm-hmm. But one in particular that I did the same thing with a coup, I think it was like a year or two ago, was too hot to handle. Oh yeah. And I noticed, I was like on a spree of reality TV shows. And I was like, oh, I'll put this one on'cause I'll know some of the people in it. Mm-hmm. And I put it on and it was just so body focused. Yeah. Or not even, but just looks focused. Yeah. It's literally called too hot to handle. So they bring on the hottest celebrities or hottest reality TV contestants or whatever. Mm-hmm. And that's the focus. Mm-hmm. And so when, and I did the same thing with that show where I turned it on and I was like. This is making me feel bad about myself. I have to turn this off. You do great boundary. Yeah, I don't. Great boundary. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know, like that's something that you can do. I do think it's hard and I honestly, like I do have some FOMO with like Love is blind and not knowing people's references. Yeah. And things like that, but it's not worth it to me to feel the way that I felt just in minutes of watching the show. Yeah. Like it only gets worse. Love island. Like they're making out with each other constantly. They're raiding each other's kisses. They're like, who could, who would you couple up with if you weren't with your current partner? And like, it really is messed up as a viewer. You love it for the drama. Yeah. But it does like, like you are sitting there. Inspecting all of them. Mm-hmm. Or being like, oh my gosh, like Nick is gonna couple up with this girl, but this girl's so much prettier. Like, but this girl, yeah. Like, she wouldn't kiss him, so she, he should go with the other girl. Like, yeah, it's, it really is so damaging and so bad. But you love it for the pure entertainment of it. Yeah. And maybe we just like hurting our own feelings too. Maybe that's just part of it. Yeah. I don't know. But I think that one of the best things that you can do if you are struggling with body image or struggling with making that not a focus, is watching what you consume. Yeah. Media wise. And so like what we said about Instagram, checking the accounts that you're following, or TikTok or whatever it is, and then setting boundaries with whatever. Media or something. I mean, it doesn't mean that you can't watch those shows. I just know for me, I was like pretty aware of how I felt about myself within moments of seeing all these people. Yeah. And I was like, I don't like the way that this feels. Yeah. So turn this off, let's change it. I really like that. It reminds me of, you say this pretty often, but your brain, like the brain bias biases or confirmation biases. Oh yeah. Confirmation bias. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Where. If the thoughts are in your head, your brain's gonna see it and confirm it. Yeah. And so I do think that that's a really good boundary to set, especially if you're already struggling with that. And like for me, I, that's probably a great boundary to set, especially because I notice it on other people and then I say about myself and mm-hmm. Is it, do I have that or do I not have that? Is that good or is that bad? Mm-hmm. And that's something I focus on a lot. Mm-hmm. So yeah, that would be a great. Great boundary for me to set. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I think, yeah, boundaries are good when we're talking about this sort of thing, it's just mm-hmm. Navigating them and figuring out what works for you. Yeah. And what helps you, I guess, if, if your goal is to think less about your body, like what helps you get there. Yeah, definitely. Um, this is the last thing I'll say before we wrap up, but as we have been talking and as like obviously I've said I'm having a daughter and. I think like I went out into the kitchen the other day, and this is like, what really sparked it for me is I went out to the kitchen and I think I was talking about like, oh my gosh, like I'm just feeling so big today. And I was like, you know what? I want that to not be a thing that I mention anymore. And it reminds me of how people will like, say to their kids, or like, even they're animals. Like, like, Hey, chunky, or like, like just, oh yeah, like, oh my God, look at all these rolls, or, yeah. I don't know. Or like there's stories about how Oh yeah. Like you were a fat baby. Like kind of things like that. Yeah. But I'm like, I don't even want that to be something that I mentioned. So I'm gonna really try my hardest not to even comment on like her body ever. That's good. Yeah. Like I don't wanna do it ever. Yeah. Like even if it's a cutesy little like, oh look, that chunky butt. Yeah. Like I don't want her being four and still hearing that kind of thing. Yeah, for sure. Because. Yeah. I don't know. It's just, it's something that I'm really gonna try really hard to do. Yeah. If you're not mindful about it to begin with, then it's gonna make it much harder not to say something about it later. So, yeah. Or say some. Yeah, I, no, I like that. Mm-hmm. I think that that's really good. I actually had that thought the other day. Really? We saw, well, one of my friends who has a BA a. He's like four months Uhhuh. I saw him and I was like, oh, you're getting so big. And then I was like, wait, should I say that? Yeah. And I was like, you're, I, I kind of rerouted it again, like I was saying, like, wow, you're growing up. Yeah. You know, you're getting so developed. That sort of thing, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. Um, and I've even thought about it whenever my friends have been pregnant and like, even like, I. I've been saying, so like, wow, you're like really bumping today, Uhhuh, or something like that, instead of being like, you're so big, or, yeah. Your belly's getting so big. Mm-hmm. Like, I don't, you're about to pop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I've been saying like, wow, you're really bumping, or like, oh, she's really growing. Yeah. You know, something like that. Yeah. Trying to like reroute it a little bit. Mm-hmm. But yeah, I had that thought the other day about the baby.'cause I'm like, isn't that so funny? I don't wanna start now. Right. Yeah. It's so, yeah. It's so funny. I'm glad that it's something that we both are focusing on and I hope that. While you're listening to this episode, it maybe will spark something in you to start rewiring your own thoughts and your own brain. Absolutely. Yeah. Hopefully you enjoyed this episode if you felt like it was helpful or just something that you wanted, think more about, please share it with friends and loved ones family who you think would jive with it. We definitely want, wanna hear if this is a topic that you are interested in too. Mm-hmm. And what you know, advice or offers you have if you feel like you've been working on this as well. Oh yeah. We love to hear what you guys are thinking, so please share it. And otherwise we will see you next week. See you next week. Cheers.