Normalizing Changing Your Mind As a Sign of GROWTH and EVOLUTION

In today’s episode, we’re diving into a topic that feels especially relevant this time of year: normalizing changing your mind.

As we head into the holiday season, many of us will be surrounded by people who have known us for decades. They remember old versions of us… versions we may have outgrown. And while that can bring up dread, tension, or a little “uh-oh, here come the questions,” it can also be an opportunity to stand confidently in who you’re becoming.

I share why this topic has been top of mind lately, including an update about the podcast and the big shift happening behind the scenes. (Spoiler: my sister and longtime co-host, Bailey, has stepped into a new season—and I couldn’t be prouder of her.) That transition inspired a lot of reflection on what it really means to evolve, release old roles, and choose the life that feels aligned.

We’ll chat about:
 ✨ Why our brains resist change—and how to reframe it as growth
 ✨ How to navigate family and friends who only see a “snapshot” of who you are
 ✨ Avoiding the trap of reverting to old versions of yourself
 ✨ A simple mindset shift that makes big decisions feel easier
 ✨ How to pre-decide your boundaries before gatherings
 ✨ One-liner responses you can use when you don’t want to explain yourself
✨ Why changing your mind is not flaky—it’s powerful

This episode is your permission slip to evolve, to pivot, and to show up as the version of yourself you’re excited about… even if others need time to catch up.

If you’re feeling anxious about seeing people who may not understand the changes you’ve made (or are about to make), this one will feel like a deep breath and a pep talk rolled into one.

If you enjoy the episode, share it with a friend who might need the reminder—and if you’re watching on YouTube, let me know what you think of the new name and logo!

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Don't forget to check out Shared Shelves Book Club pod!

Transcript

0:40

Hey, thank you so much for listening into today's episode of the show. I'm really excited for this topic because it's top of mind for me for a few reasons I'll get into in a minute. But on top of that, I feel like talking about. Change and normalizing change is something that we don't do enough in our cul culture because as humans, our brains are wired to find patterns and consistencies and we like, we like things to stay the same, and when things don't stay the same, we get really, I don't know about you, but I sometimes can get very inflexible and not realize that sometimes change is a sign of growth and maturity. Evolution and something better ahead. So I know for me, going into the holiday season, whenever we are going into a week, like this week with Thanksgiving, we're gonna see a lot of people that have known us for a long time. A lot of our family that we're seeing, or friends that are there, have been around us for 10, 20, 30, 40 plus years, depending how old you are. And they've seen us go through a lot of different phases of life and sometimes they kind of are. Stuck with a version of us in their minds that is no longer really current. And sometimes that can be really hard, or it can conjure up a sense of dread whenever you go into a season, especially if you've changed a lot since the last time you saw Aunt Judy or uncle. Eric, I don't know. I don't have an Aunt Judy or an uncle Eric, but if you haven't seen them in a while, say it's been since the last holiday, or it's been since last Thanksgiving, or something like that, and they haven't seen you in a while, and something major has changed, like you've really started to prioritize your health and maybe you look a little bit different or you've switched career paths and they don't really approve of what you're doing, or they were like, wait, you were a doctor before. Why are you trying this new thing? Or, you know, you've started. A, I know for me, whenever I was getting into network marketing and really enjoying sharing about health and fitness programs that I was doing, that was kind of a scary feeling of the first time you see a big group of people and they're like, what is this thing that you're talking about on social media all the time? And why are you showing yourself working out or sharing about the supplements that you take or whatever, and that can be really scary. So I love talking. On whenever I have episodes, I really like talking about topics that are tangible, relevant, and we all experience, but also talk about them as though we're just sitting down over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine or a margarita or whatever it is, and we're just chatting like girl to girl or friend to friend, whatever that is. And we're talking about, you know, what I wish that more people would do is just normalize. Changing your mind, and that's what we're gonna talk about today. So I feel like normalizing changing your mind is something that can be so beneficial to everybody involved because not only is it beneficial to you, because if you have started changing, and maybe you've changed your mind about, like I said, the way you eat or the way you exercise, or you've changed your mind about what career path you wanna pursue, or you've changed your mind even about something really small like you used to. Party a lot and stay out all night and now like you love your 8:00 PM bedtime like no other person. You know, that's really small, but it's something that when you do go into a big gathering like this, they can sometimes be like, oh my God, you're not having more to drink, or, oh my God, you're leaving at. 7:00 PM the party just started, or something like that. It's like, it's okay. So not only is it beneficial for you going into this season when you're seeing a lot of people who have known you a long time and might have a predetermined version of you stuck in their head. It's not only good for you, but it's also good for them because you can show them that there's freedom in changing your mind and there's growth and there's opportunity and evolution, and so you can kind of be. The person that exposes other people to that idea that. Oh, if I change, you know, change is not so scary. So I really am excited to get into this with you and also give you a few tips for when you are going into a potential situation where you're seeing a lot of people that you've known for a long time, and if you are having any sort of hesitancy or weird feelings about that or. You remember the last time that you really made a big decision, or even a small decision, but just a decision that was different from who you've been previously and you remember feeling a lot of tension whenever you saw someone who didn't necessarily agree, or maybe they didn't even disagree. They just kind of questioned it and we're like, wait, that's not really the old you. I wanna give you a few tips for that too, but. Before we dive in to that conversation, I did wanna share that if you have listened to this show before you know that my sister was my co-host Forever, ever, and this is the first episode without her. So that's why this conversation has been top of mind to me because. Something that I'm so proud of her for doing is kind of being like, you know, we have done 70 plus episodes of this show together. I am entering a new season of life. She's a mom now, and my niece is perfect. Okay. We won't put that pressure on her. Mila, you're not perfect, but you're damn near close. But she is. She kind of had a change of mind about the podcast and has decided that she's going to. Relieve herself of that obligation and move into other things. So her getting rid of the podcast in her life, or rather just, just removing that responsibility, has freed her up to do other things and really engaged in other responsibilities. So I, that's why this. Topic has been top of mind for me, and I felt like going into the holiday season, it is really applicable because I'm guessing that this week at Thanksgiving, I welcome these conversations by the way, but I'm guessing at Thanksgiving we'll have multiple people at multiple sides of the family. If you don't know this, Jared and I go to like three Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day and then one Thanksgiving the day before Thanksgiving. So we're gonna see lots of family, lots of friends, lots of people that we love and have known us a long time and have been tuning into the podcast. And we'll probably get some questions about that and that's okay but it can be something where we get a bit stressed out about that. About them questioning us or about people not really understanding where we're coming from and we have a lot of tension or fear or even ego around it. And that's just something that I think that we should all be aware of going into the holiday season, but then also that we should prepare for, because it. Sometimes it can catch you off guard. But if you know that that's something that you're already going to be combating or just facing, then it's good to go into it aware and knowing how you're gonna deal with it. So, one thing I do wanna say is that. These people that are people on social media, people that you see once or twice a year, they just have a snapshot of you. They don't have the full picture of you, so it's totally normal that they would be like, oh, why would you? Why are you no longer doing the podcast? Or Why are you no longer drinking every weekend? Or Why are you no longer? Deciding to do this career thing, or you've changed your major in school, or whatever that thing is. They only get a little snapshot, so it's totally normal. We can give them grace for that, but then also it helps us to reframe and remember that, okay, they only have this tiny little picture of me and I know the full picture behind it. Right? I am not just that. Thing that they saw me as I know the full picture behind it. And just kind of realign yourself with what that is because that helps a ton. Sometimes with people that we love and have known for a long time, we kind of revert back into our old selves. So I know for me. So a lot of the time I was always like a take charge person and I kind of put a lot of pressure on myself in family situations that nobody else put on me. But when I was a kid, little story time here when I was a kid, we always loved to love to play this game. Sing Star. If you ever play that game, I would love to hear it because. We love that game. Growing up it's really just glorified karaoke, but competitive. So if like not hitting the right notes and things like that scares you, this would not be the game for you. But we all were. We all really loved singing. We loved music and we are very competitive people, so we love playing this game. Growing up. But something that I always think of is whenever we would get together or whenever we decided we were gonna play this game, I was always in charge of setting up the PlayStation and it was just something I assumed nobody told me to do that. But then now or then following like the first few times that I was like, I'll get it set up. I'll take care of it. Then it was just kind of an expectation or it was something that people expected me to do. Now that's a very. Minute example, but if you're the type of person that people remember always as the take charge person or something like that, and you're really working on setting boundaries and relaxing the responsibility that you feel, or not being a people pleaser or something like that, like I'm working on, then that might be something that people remember about you and they're like, oh my God, why aren't you taking charge? Or Why aren't you doing that? And I'm not saying that my family does this, but just an example that comes to mind whenever I think about, oh, this is someone that I always was and I'm trying to get a lot more flexible and I'm trying to get a lot. More just comfortable with the way that things unfold and not be so stringent and strict and rigid about whatever structure I think should exist within this space. And the space is just playing sink star, you know? So if that, if you're someone like that where people used to know you as, oh, you always came in and you were the life of the party. What's going on? Why aren't you? Drinking or why aren't you? Why aren't you the one starting the game? Or why aren't you the one that is staying until 1:00 AM or something like that? That's okay. You don't have to be that person, you know? So remind yourself before you go into the situation that you don't wanna revert back into that person if it's important to you, right? You get to decide what values are important to you. I've decided I really don't want to feel. Tense, and I don't wanna feel high strung, honestly. I think of Monica on friends when they're like, well, you're high strung. And she's like, no, I'm not. And I feel like that's me, but I really am trying to just egg. Experience a life where I'm very present and I'm very mindful, very demure. Just kidding. But I think that holding onto things so tightly, like, like I'm, if you're watching on YouTube, you can see I'm holding a fist, but holding onto things with a fist instead of like with a loose grip. That's not really who I wanna be anymore. So when I can, I can go into those situations and I can say, okay, when I walk into this family situation, I'm just gonna sit back. I'm gonna let other people take charge. I'm gonna try to listen more than I speak. I'm not gonna try to control things if someone is doing something that I don't really agree with or, or not even agree with, but just that I don't think is done like the perfect way or something. I'm just going to, I'm just gonna sit back and I'm gonna enjoy my time. I'm not going to revert back into that role that I used to play 10 years ago, or even more 20 years ago. So that's one thing that, just a warning that you can kind of revert back into your previous self, but you don't have to. So. One tip that I have is pre decide your boundaries. So like I just said, you can ask yourself before you go into Thanksgiving, do it right now. Like while, while we're, while you're listening to this in the car, or if you're getting ready for work, or you're in the shower or wherever you are, decide right now what type of person do I wanna show up to at the gathering? You know, what do I want? What do I, what version of myself do I want to be? And if that version of yourself doesn't align with the version of yourself that showed up 10 years ago or even last year, that's totally fine. Just make sure that you know, so that you can kind of be prepared or so that you, you step into it knowing exactly where you want to be, and you can align yourself with that. So pre decide your boundaries. That's one tip that I have. The other tip that I have is. You do not need to explain yourself, girl. You do not need to have a TED talk when people ask you questions or whatever it is. If you have been focusing on your health journey and you've decided this. This Thanksgiving, you're skipping the mashed potatoes or the wine or something, which probably I'll skip neither, but whatever it is, if you've decided that you don't need to give them a TED talk, you don't need to explain how you came to this decision. Likely they are only pointing it out because it's something that they are struggling with as well, or something that they, you know, when people point something out in us, a lot of the time, it's something that. They're self-conscious about in themselves. So if they've pointed out like, oh, you're not, you're not drinking, or you're not eating this food, or something like that, you can just have, just have a one-liner ready. You know, like start being like, yeah, I just realized I'm, I'm not a big mashed potato girly. Or I've just realized that I feel better whenever I don't eat them or something like that. Again, I'll probably be eating mashed potatoes. But you do you, but if you are, you know, if someone questions, yeah, I saw that you got a new job, like. Why are you, why are you all of a sudden a bartender when you were going to med school or something like that? And you can just, you don't have to get into, oh, you know what, it's just, it was just sapping me of energy or rid me of my soul, or whatever. You don't need to go into. All of the 15 steps, because it probably did take a lot to make that change. If you made that change. You don't have to go into all of that information. You can really just say, yeah, I've just noticed that it was better for me and I'm in a lot better space right now, and I'm really excited to see what comes of it, because I'm, I'm really excited that it feels like I'm, I'm learning a little bit more about myself, so all of that to say that one of the tips is that You just don't have to explain yourself. You know, you can have a couple phrases just at your disposal that might be helpful to you. So I'll give you a few. One could be like, yeah, it's been cool to learn about myself and realize that that's not really something that I wanna do, or. I just have been doing a lot of reflection lately, and I'm not sure that that's something that I wanna do this year, or I, it could even be just as simple as like, yeah, I, I just don't really do that anymore, or something like that, so when you go into the holidays this year or any time, I just really hope that you feel empowered, that you can, that you have the ability to change your mind, that changing your mind is a sign of growth that every season brings new frames of mind. And honestly, that's what I've seen with this podcast with. Realizing that when Bailey decided, not to stay on the podcast, I noticed that. I was like, you know what? I really wanna change some things about it. I really want it to be quicker. I want it to be shorter. I want to change the name, which is so exciting that today is the first time that I've shared that name. And I know that a lot of people will ask questions about that or have questions about that, and some people will just accept it. When people have questions like that, it can bring up that sense of fear, tension or whatever worry that you might have about it. And that's okay. Those things are just steps in the direction that you're taking toward a life that feels more aligned for you. And the one last thing I'll leave off with a little piece of mindset that you can take into the day is this. Last week I was doing, I do a workout program. I do my workouts through body and have for a long time, but the workout program I'm doing right now, the trainer was saying that every decision that you make is a step in the life that you wanna lead, or excuse me, lead. And so whenever you are sitting down to have a conversation or you. Sitting down to have a meal or you're sitting down to do work or something like that. That thing, that thing that you're doing, whatever action you're taking there is pushing you in a direction. And if it's not pushing you in the direction of the life that you want to lead and a life that you are excited and and obsessed about, then it's probably not the thing for you. So for instance, for Bailey, it was like, you know what? I'm not, I don't think that doing the podcast is going to. Put me further into this life that I'm obsessed with and excited about. And so that is something that I'm going to kind of like leave in the past and be like, that was great. I learned a lot of skills. I did a lot of things that I was uncomfortable with. I was vulnerable on the podcast and I'm honestly made a lot of friends through it. So that was great. That was really cool. But it's in the past and for me, the change of mind was, you know what? I realized that. Being, doing a long show with lots of working out the logistics of just the logistics of getting people here, figuring out a time, figuring out a topic. Putting out an extensive outline or setting up an extensive outline because it's really hard to talk for that long if you don't have some ideas already Conjured up. Today I just have like a few bullet points that I'm looking at, but when I decided that I was going to continue with the podcast, I was like, I need to do something that excites me and it that I'm obsessed with because this is. You know, like you guys are listeners, and I want this to be something that is helpful to you and empowering to you and emboldening to you, but I also have to love it in order to do that. So all that to say that I so encourage you to take the time to decide what is, what is it, what life is it that you're wanting to lead, and. What changes have you made that have gotten you here and closer to that version of yourself that you're really obsessed with and really excited about and really proud of? And what changes do you still need to make? And when other people around you question those changes, just remember that they only get a snapshot of you. You're the only person that is gonna live with you for the rest of your life, like every second of the day. So you are the one that gets to determine what kind of life you wanna. What, what kind of life you wanna live, and sometimes changing your mind or facing the fact that a season has changed and some things in you have changed and you've gotta release some prior version of yourself to move forward to this version of yourself that you're more excited about and wanna grow into. Sometimes that's okay and that's exciting. So just wanna encourage you this week that if you are. Anxious at all or tense at all, or maybe you weren't and you now you're realizing, oh, okay, this is something that I should prepare for. Then You have every right to move forward toward the life that you wanna live and person that you wanna be. And guess what? You're gonna change your mind again in the future. And you're gonna change a season and things are gonna happen that are just gonna make you change in general. And that is very uncomfortable, but that's okay. So I hope you love this episode. Please share it with a friend if they could benefit from it. And please drop a comment. If you have listened before or if this is your first episode, that would be so exciting. But if you are watching on YouTube and you can drop a comment, Let me know if you like the. New title and the new logo and all of the things, and please remember to subscribe and share with others, I would so appreciate it.