4 Questions to Help Take the PRESSURE Off

When the holidays roll around, it's easy to feel like you're not doing enough and you can't keep up. You have an endless to-do list and if you're anything like me, you have this internal pressure to be perfect, creating stress and overwhelm in an already busy season.

This episode encourages you to practice asking yourself 4 simple questions to help you release all that pressure and remind yourself that you are doing great and you are already more than enough.

As always, if this was helpful for you, please share with a friend or loved one!

Love you, rooting for you!

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Transcript

0:40

Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. I just love the idea that we have this vibe here where it feels like I'm sitting down with, even though I'm just like sitting here talking to my wall, talking to my computer, it feels like I'm sitting down talking with a girlfriend. You know, maybe we're having. A glass of wine or coffee or whatever it is that you vibe with, and we just get to talk about real talk. And that's what today's episode I want it to be about. Because this time of the year, I don't know if you feel the same way, but if you're listening to this in real time, the holidays are here. Like they happen fast and I feel like this is the time of year when everybody like really picks up their pace. Time just moves so quickly and we all are just hustling and bustling trying to get through the year. Trying to celebrate all of the personal things that we have going on while also managing, I mean, a lot of us work full time. A lot of us have other hobbies. A lot of us are trying to keep up like a workout regimen or a skincare regimen or whatever it is. We just have so much to do. And then on top of that, we're baking cookies and we're putting together Christmas outfits and Christmas cards, and there's just like so many things. Added into the chaos of what already is real life. And I find that for me, especially in seasons like this, whenever it's really busy and there's hustle and bustle and chaos, I find that I just put so much pressure on myself. And my hope for this episode is that you finish it and you just feel like you can like. Like, let out a breath of fresh air. Let out, let out a nice big exhale. Give yourself permission to release the pressure that you're feeling because it, it's really non-existent. We put it on ourselves the majority of the time, and I wanna give you a few thoughts, questions that you can ask yourself to reframe and put you back into a good mindset going into. Not just the holidays, but the new year and 2026 rolling around the corner. If you are listening to this in real time, so first I wanna tell you where this idea initially came from. I was at a blood drive. If you haven't listened before and you didn't realize, this is what I do, but I, I currently coordinate blood drives full-time in the local KC metro area where I live, and I was at a blood drive and I was talking to a coworker and I was just talking about how, dude, this was actually before Thanksgiving, but, and that's when this. Idea kind of sparked. But then I went to another thing this last week that made me think, okay, I really should talk about that and I'll talk about both events. But this conversation with the coworker, I was coming up to him, he was killing it at his blood drive and I was like, dude, I do not know how you do it. I am. A I, I'm married to my husband of, we've been married nine years. We have one dog, but we don't have kids. And already the holidays and. So much to keep up with is just stressful. We, we just have so many stressors already and I was like, I do not know how you do it with kids. And I just loved what he said. He turned to me. I wrote it down, so that's why I'm looking at my phone if you're watching this on YouTube. But I said, I. Gosh, I just don't know how you do it. And he said, I guess I didn't have to look at my note. I probably could have remembered that, but he said, neither do we. We're all just winging it. And I was like, okay. I actually love the honesty of that, and I love that he was truthful and open about the fact that, look, being a parent, we're all just doing it for the first time ever. Those of us that are, and you might be saying I was saying, gosh, I don't know how you do it, being a parent. But it, this could apply to anything like people saying like, oh my gosh, I don't know how you do it. Keeping up a regular workout routine, or, oh, I don't know how you do it. Having. A full-time job and then a part-time job too, if that applies to you or, oh, I don't know how you do it. If you are managing like a side hustle or a side business or something or, oh, I don't know how you do it. You home cook your meals every night or, oh, I don't know how it could apply to so many things. Right. I don't know how you do it. You tr seem to travel every month, so everybody is thinking these things about everybody. Right? We, for me, right now. So many of my friends and coworkers are parents and a lot of them new parents. So that's why it's top of mind for me. I'm like, gosh, I don't know how you do it. It already is so stressful, just living a normal life. I don't know how you do it. And he just said, honestly, neither do we. And we're all just winging it. And I feel like that immediately was just a quick. Mental reframe. He meant it as a joke, but it was a quick mental reframe for me that, wow, I don't need to have all this pressure and stress built up around things like we all are doing this for the first time ever. We all are doing life for the first time ever. This is the first time we've been here that we know of, and we are figuring it out along the way. And we all have different tools in our toolbox and information that we are operating on from day to day. So it just kind of releases the pressure to be perfect in what we're doing, or releases the pressure that we might be feeling to get it all done for who knows what reason. And so it was just a reminder to me that I was like, okay, I can release this pressure from myself to be like. Oh, I have to manage all of these different things and I have to do it perfectly and blah, blah, blah. It just reminded me that some of you might be feeling that way too, and I think that being able to have those conversations amongst ourselves, right in the midst of a busy season is so important because it can be so grounding. So that's why I wanted to talk about this today. I have four. Questions or thoughts that I want you to keep in mind as you go through the season or really any season where you're feeling like God, I am an instant pot right now, and the pressure inside of me is building and I'm going to explode if I don't release it. So here's your chance to release it. So first question that I wanna ask you is, are the stakes actually that high? Right? So with my friend, my coworker, who was talking about parenting. There are some high stakes with parenting. That's true. I know that you wanna do a good job, you wanna raise your child well, you want them to be kind, hardworking people or whatever the values you have are, and you, yeah. You want them to, you wanna grow them into great human beings. Yes, I know that the stakes can be that high, but when it comes to small things, so like when I was talking to my coworker about the holidays and just like, oh my God, like how do you do it? I can barely do it and I don't have kids. Does the Thanksgiving meal really have to be that perfect? We're past Thanksgiving now, if you're listening to this in real time, but. Like does, does the Christmas meal have to be that perfect? Does everything have to be home cooked? Do you have to get to grandma's exactly at 11:00 AM That's when we go to my grandma's on Christmas day, if you're wondering, but do you have to be there at exactly 11:00 AM? Can you modify things and just release the press, the pressure and the stress of. These specific standards that you have for yourself and remind yourself, you know what the stakes of being 20 minutes late to grandma's, they're not that high. You know, maybe my sister or my cousin or my aunt or whomever, maybe they'll be like, oh, we thought you were coming at 11, and you're like, well, I'm here at 1120. Stakes are not that high. Is this gonna affect you in a year or five years, or 10 years or tomorrow? Honestly, no, it's not. So when it comes to like getting your kids dressed in the morning and getting them fed, or getting them the right outfit or. What? Whatever it is that you do with your children, are the stakes really that high in that moment? They're not. And honestly, stressing about it and adding that pressure, they're gonna absorb that anyway, so you might as well just remove those stakes. Remind yourself that they're not that high. I know in some situations the stakes are high, like. If you have a job where you have to hit a certain measurement or you'll be fired, like that's a pretty high stake. Yes. I realize that losing your job, that's a pretty high stake, pretty high risks there, but when it comes to your job and answering this email after 5:00 PM Is not a high stake. You see what I'm saying? Like you can look at an email, it came in earlier in the day, you haven't answered it, and it's 5:00 PM and it is time for you to go be with your family or go do whatever it is that you do in the evenings with your after your workday. Are the stakes very high to reply to that email? Probably not. I mean. Maybe they are. You get to determine that. But I just want you to ask yourself, when you are stressing yourself out to get this thing done, or rush through this thing, or put your pressure on yourself to get A, B, C, D, E, F, G, whatever, all these things done, are the stakes really that high or are you making this up? Are you making the risk up whenever it comes to the stakes of you not doing it perfectly or. Not doing it at all honestly. That's the first question. Are the stakes actually that high? Oh, inside side tangent. I did wanna tell a little story because this is what re brought this to my mind was I was at my sister. I have a sister who is 18 and so she's a senior in high school right now and she had her last band concert the Winter, well, I guess it wasn't her last band concert, it was her last Christmas, or excuse me, winter holiday concert. And I went to it and I was just sitting there thinking. Oh my gosh. I remember they were playing green sleeves, if you're familiar with that. And the, in this song, I remember that the version that I did when I was in band, when I was in high school, had a part at the beginning that was solely just the French horns, which is the instrument that I played at the time. And it was like. We were laid out there to bear, you know, so is that the phrase? I dunno if that's the phrase. We were the only ones that you could hear at the very beginning of the piece. It was all French horns. That was all you could hear. That was the introduction to the song. So in my head there were these really high stakes to get. Perfect. And honestly, it kind of shot me in the foot a lot of the time, like whenever I would have a solo or something like that in band, because unfortunately for my insecure self in high school, there are actually a lot of like french horn solos or isolated parts because the french horn is a very beautiful instrument, but I didn't know that when I chose it, and so I would get super self-conscious because in my head as a. Whatever, 15 to 18-year-old, the stakes were so high of embarrassing myself. If I started Green Sleeves, for instance, if I started that piece and I messed up on the note or something, or I started on the piece and yeah, and I just didn't sound very good or our, our section didn't sound very good. I had all of this pressure and all of this stress, and it was so unnecessary and the stakes were not that high, and so. I was just thinking like, wow, I feel like I would be actually such, such a better band performer now, because I would be able to be like, who cares? Like in a day, I, this concert's gonna be over. I'm not gonna be thinking about it. Right. Even in like 10 minutes, like once the piece is over, we're gonna be onto the next piece and it's not gonna matter anymore. In the course of your lifetime, these tiny little things that you are applying so much pressure and stress to the stakes are not that high, right? So that's the first question. Second question, am I chasing a standard that no one asked of me? Right? In our jobs and certain things, we have certain standards and you know, in our relationships, maybe we have certain designated standards, like things that we agree to and boundaries that we set fine. Great. I think that's awesome. But a lot of the time we have these invisible standards that we're chasing that no one asked of us. So maybe you need to reevaluate those standards and figure out what the, what actually aligns with the life that you wanna live, a life that you're obsessed with and what the standard is for yourself and figure out is that what you're doing? Is that what you're putting pressure on? For example, it's the holidays for some reason. A lot of people. Feel the pressure to send out holiday cards. Jared and I, my husband and I have sent out holiday cards before we've sent out. We've, there are years we haven't, we're not this year either way. I think it's great if that gives you joy. If that elicits like a fun, Christmasy vibe for you and it improves your life and you're like, oh my God, I just love doing our Christmas cards every year. Awesome. Great. Keep doing it. Applaud you for that. But if it's just another unnecessary piece of stress and for whatever reason you're putting some. Some silly invisible pressure on yourself or invisible requirement on yourself where you're like, oh, well, the first two years we got married, we did send out Christmas cards, so now I feel like I have to, and now I have to spend money on it and oh my God, it's already December 15th or whatever, and I have to, I haven't gotten these out and oh my gosh, and now I'm embarrassed and whatever. Like all of those things in the back of your brain, can you just let go of that? Can you just. Realize that that standard is an invisible requirement that you made up for yourself and nobody is expecting of you. Or even if they are expecting that of you, like that's on them. That's weird. That's weird that somebody would be like, oh, I didn't get a Christmas card from Morgan Jared this year. Like, they must not have done them. What losers? Like, that's on them. That's what a weird standard to hold me to. So that's the second question I want you to ask. Am I chasing standards that no one asked of me? Or essentially like, are the requirements that I'm putting on myself made up and invisible? Where can I just let those go? The third question I have is if your bestie came up to you, your work bestie, or your sister or your best friend from high school, or whomever, if your bestie think about your closest friend came to you and was like, oh my God, I'm stressed about all these things. I haven't done this, I haven't done that. I feel like I need to do this. I feel like I need to do that. What advice would you give her? I sure bet you, because this is how I am when I'm putting all this pressure on myself, I'm telling everybody around me, oh girl. Nobody expects that of you. Oh girl. You're, you're way too hard on yourself. You need to go easy on yourself. If this is speaking to you, then back 30 because those same things apply to you, right? You are being too hard on yourself. You are again, holding yourself to invisible standards. You need to let some things go and just remind yourself that you are like, you are that best friend to someone else, right? You don't need to have all that pressure and all of that intensity built up to built up on you. I feel like it's so much easier to give advice than to take our own advice. But if we were sitting together at a coffee shop right now and you were telling me, oh my God, I haven't done the Christmas shopping, I haven't sent out. Holiday cards. I'm hustling at work. I missed a workout this week. I had to get fast food or like something like that. I mean, maybe none of those things are things that you wanna make a habit of. That's fine. But what I would tell you if we were sitting down together right now is I would say, Hey. This time of year is hard for everyone. This time of year is busy for everyone. You need to go easy on yourself. You what? What things have you done? Well, sure you got McDonald's on Monday, but did you cook at home on Tuesday or, yeah, maybe you haven't finished up Christmas shopping altogether, but is there something easy, like where would good enough be for you at this point? Where would, can you just like. Maybe reduce your efforts by 10% or something and or take out 10% of your expectations on yourself and just figure out what is the line that is good enough to where like, I'll feel good, or maybe you just need to totally ask yourself like, what is important in my life? What is important to me? And. How I feel in my day to day and how the people around me feel in their day to day. Because guess what? You affect them too. And when you're stressed, I'm talking to myself too. But when you're stressed and you put all this pressure on yourself, it affects the people around you. So what do you want in your day-to-day? Day-to-day? Align that with the expectations that you have for yourself I wrote down like, would you tell your bestie this? But actually what would you tell your child if you are a mom or or dad? Or what would you tell your niece? Or nephew, like if they came to you and they were like, oh my God, I just feel like I'm, I'm failing at everything and I haven't made the Christmas cookies to bring to class and I missed the bus on Monday. And, uh, I don't know. Or I, I fell behind on my homework. Like you would tell them. Okay. Yes. Let me help you with this. Let's get it together. But you wouldn't, you wouldn't tell them wow, you're a piece of shit. Wow, you aren't getting anything done. I dunno. You know what I mean? I mean, maybe we would be different parents. I'm not sure, but I like, I feel like. If I had a, a bawling Mila, Mila is my niece. If I had a bawling Mila in front of me, just like so stressed out and frazzled about the fact that she is not achieving the things that she wants to achieve, I would be like, girl, settle down. You are enough. You are more than enough as you are. Okay, let's, let's work. We can work this out together. And that's. Something I didn't put in here, but like maybe you need to employ help. Maybe you haven't been asking for help, and I'll talk about that on a future episode. But the last thing, last thought or question that I would tell you to ask yourself is, is the pressure coming from who I am now or who I used to be? Do these goals and standards still align with a life that I'm obsessed with? So the life that I am going toward, so again, with the holiday card thing, am I putting this pressure on myself? Because a version of myself before that maybe had more bandwidth, sent out holiday cards because she thought it was really fun. Maybe the version of myself today doesn't, the circumstances are different and I don't have the bandwidth for that sort of thing. That's okay. I'm not that person anymore, or I'm not that person this season. That's totally okay. Or maybe you used to be the type of person that used to go to like HI classes every day or. Three to five days a week or something like you went to a Power Life or Power bar, or Pure bar, I, I can't even remember what they're all called, but you used to do these HIIT classes or you went to the gym or something like that, and the person that you were before, maybe that person didn't have the responsibilities that they have now, and that's okay. That person was awesome. They were great, but maybe the person that you are now has the circumstances have changed. The circumstances are different. At home workouts are what you need to be doing now, or just taking a walk each day is something that you could do now, and you could just remove that pressure of. Oh, I'm like, it's always in the back of your head, right? Whenever you get into a good routine and you get outta that routine, it's always in the back of your head of like, oh man, I really miss, like, I really wish that I was still like that. I really wish, I really should go back to my episode about not shutting yourself, but I really should be going to the gym every day, or I really should be going to class every day. And I haven't been why should you, maybe instead of that, you. Could just realize like, okay, my circumstances were different at the time. I still value health and the life that I wanna live and the life that I'm obsessed with. I do envision myself as a healthy, energetic person that can run around and do everything in my life that I wanna do, but that per that healthy person, maybe I get there differently, maybe. That pressure that I'm putting on myself is because I'm not the same person that I was five years ago whenever I was doing that exact routine, just rele, like release that pressure of being the person that you used to be when the circumstances were different. I would really encourage you if that speaks to you, go back to, it's just a few episodes, uh, episodes ago. I'll link it in the show notes. But I had an episode about normalizing change and that that is a sign of growth and evolution and not a sign of going backwards or setbacks. So maybe instead of harping on the fact that you aren't doing the exact same things that you used to do when the circumstances were different and your life was different, and maybe your job was different or your family was different, or the place that you were living was different or whatever. Maybe those things don't apply now, but you keep saying in the back of your mind like. You keep having this pressure of getting back to that person and I'm say saying that with quotes back, quote unquote, to that person, and that doesn't make sense for you and that doesn't align for you anymore. And maybe you've changed, then I would. I would encourage you if those things are speaking to you, to go back and listen us to that episode. But overall, I just want to encourage you, you're doing great. You are doing enough, and yes, I want you to feel motivated when you come here and listen to these episodes, but I also want to remind you That you only get one chance at this, right? Like this is the only time you're gonna have Christmas of 2025 or the holiday season of 2025 in your whole life. Like we, we only are here for a certain period of time and none of us know how long that time is. So you might as well take a deep breath, let it out like. Just do it right now and think to yourself where in my life right now am I applying pressure where is not needed? So just a reminder of the thoughts that I gave you. Are the stakes actually this high? Where am I applying pressure? Where the pressure it, it's not that important. Two, am I chasing standards that no one asked of me? Am I. Making up invisible, invisible requirements for myself. Three. If my bestie was feeling like this, or my niece or my child, or whomever that you love, most dearest in the world, what? What would I say to them? What advice would I give them? And then last four, is this pressure coming from who I am now or who I was? At another point in time in my life, and do those goals or those standards or those invisible requirements that I'm making up for myself, do they still align with the life that I'm obsessed with? Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that it feels good to you. If this is a relief for you to hear or just a good reminder for you, I would love to hear from you. Please DM me on Instagram at Rise and Energize pod. I'd love that. And if you have the time to leave me an Apple Podcast review, it makes a huge difference and I appreciate you. Love you. Bye.