A Practice to Keep you in the PRESENT: Negative Visualization

Do you every struggle with truly being PRESENT and appreciating what you have HERE & NOW? As humans, we have something called "hedonic adaptation" which means we adapt quickly to pleasurable experiences and take them for granted. So, if you're feeling that way, it's just because it's in your DNA! 

HOWEVER, there are things we can do to increase our appreciation and GRATITUDE for the positive things in our lives in the PRESENT.

Today's episode refers to a practice called NEGATIVE VISUALIZATION which goes all the way back to Greek philosophy and was popularized by stoicism. The idea is to visualize yourself WITHOUT something specific (like your job, spouse, health, home, family, etc.) to allow you to truly APPRECIATE that thing in the present. 

Hopefully this is helpful for you and you can use it to keep life from passing you by!

Love you, thank you!

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Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Hello. Hello. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm so glad that you were here. I'm talking today about something that has been coming up in the last few months. It's called Negative Visualization. I am curious if any of you have ever heard of it, but it is a practice that has been around for a long time. Before I get into that, I do wish just wanna pause and say thank you. If you have been sharing this on your social media or with friends, I would really appreciate if right now as your list. To this on your phone or wherever it is that you're listening to this, that you just take a quick screenshot, take a quick picture, put it on Instagram, tag me. I would love to repost it so that I can shout you out and thank you personally, and if you're in the habit of doing that, I really appreciate it. It helps get the word out and it just helps people know about the podcast and helps it to grow. So I feel like the topics that I talk about on here, they're things that I am passionate about and that I feel like everybody could benefit from. And so if you feel the same way, I would really appreciate it if you would share. So without further ado, I do wanna get into the episode. So it is officially April. It is officially, we are into the second quarter of the year, so two out of four, if that makes sense. So April 1st is when second quarter starts. So we are already a quarter into the year, which is so wild to me, but I feel like it's around this time of year that people start saying. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's already April and we're already four months into the year. And I have found myself saying that, and I think that it's one of those things where we just get really bogged down in time and then we don't realize like, wow, life is passing us by right before our, our eyes. And we just don't even realize it until we're one of those people saying, oh my gosh, I can't believe how the year has flown. And recently I've been saying that like, oh my gosh, I can't believe March is already over. I can't believe we're already a quarter into the year. We're already into spring, where before we know it, it's gonna be summer and then fall and then winter, and then we're gonna be back here again. It's gonna be 2027. It's just one of those things where life, it just goes on and time is crazy, and especially when you have people going through major milestones in life, like I have a lot of friends having babies or even just. Past that. Like I have a sister who is 18 and graduating high school, and my husband also has a cousin who's in the same boat. And we're just seeing a lot of people, you know, we're going to a wedding this weekend. We're seeing all these milestones happening and life is just happening and it is happening with or without you. So this is a practice that I feel like helps me to stay present and is one that I've been practicing. In the last few months, but also I kind of think I'll get into this in a second, but I also kind of think that this negative visualization is something that I won't say it comes naturally to me because it's, it's not natural, but it was brought on by a situation in my life, so I don't know if that makes sense, but we'll get into that in a second. But wanted to talk about the concept of negative vis visualization, which is something that is rooted in stoic philosophy. I think that that's back in like the Greek ages, like literally 2000 years ago. Was, I think the first documentation of this philosophy, but it's the idea, the concept of you don't know what you have until it's gone. Oh my gosh, that reminds me of a song. What is that song? It's like, don't know what you got till It's Gone. Pay Paradise. Put up a parking lot, something like that. I dunno. But anyway, you don't know what you got till it's gone. That song, and that's the pretty much the entire concept of negative visualization is that we as humans, this is something that is wired into our DNA somehow, but it's called hedonic adaptation hedonic with like an H and hedonic adaptation is the experience of humans where we just get used to pleasurable experiences, so our brains just kind of adapt. It reminds me of how whenever you enter a room and there's a really strong smell, you adapt to it really quickly. Your senses just. Kind of adapt to it. And that's why a lot of people don't real, they can't recognize their own smells. But hedonic a adaptation is the same thing except with pleasurable experiences. So when we are first learning to walk and it's really, really hard, and we get that first step, and we're elated, we're so pumped, we're so excited. Then walking just becomes normal. And I mean, how many days do you wake up as an adult and you take your first step and you're like, oh my God. Like the same way that you did whenever you were probably a toddler learning how to walk. You don't do that because you're just used to it. We get used to these pleasurable things, and it's the same way whenever you. Let's say that you upgrade a room in your house or something like, we just did a major bathroom renovation and already I'm finding myself getting, I'm very used to the bathroom that we just remodeled a few months ago. It looks totally different, completely upgraded. We spent tons of money on it and I'm so, I was so happy, ecstatic about it, and I still am, but over time you just kind of lose that excitement and. Enthusiasm and thankfulness and yeah, ultimately gratitude for the really positive things in your life. And we just kind of take them for granted. This is just something that humans do. We, it's called, it's hedonic adaptation. We adapt to the pleasurable experiences of life and we take them for granted. And negative visualization is one practice that you can incorporate into your everyday life or every so often throughout the week to help you kind of reconnect with the gratitude and excitement and enthusiasm that you have over those positive things in your life. Because right now they're just kind of like going by your eyes without you even realizing it, but when you practice negative visualization, it does help you to appreciate those things a little bit more and just remind you of what it would be like if they weren't there. I feel like I was kind of thinking about this beforehand and bear with me with this example, but I feel like negative visualization incorporating, this is almost like a vaccine where you like the way that vaccines work is that they have. Little parts of the virus or whatever it is that you're trying to vaccinate against, and you inject that into your system and your system then recognizes, oh, okay, these are the things that make up this virus. And then so later, whenever the virus comes around, your system has. Developed antibodies and developed a process for fighting off that virus. And so it's almost like with negative visualization, you're almost preparing yourself by. Visualizing the negative things in your life and that helps you to appreciate them. Whenever you come back to reality, after you've done your negative visualization, when you're back in reality, then you, your system is more aware of all of the things. In your life that it should be grateful for. And I don't know if that example really tracks with you, but it was just something that kind of came to my brain. I don't know why, but it, that's how I am thinking of this practice right now is just that it is, it's a tool, it's a method. It's something that can bolster my defenses against getting complacent in life and. Bored with life and just not appreciating life for the true gift that it is because it truly is. And a second ago I was talking about, I kind of feel like negative visualization is almost like a superpower that I have because of a really sad occurrence that happened young in life and that was losing my brother a few years ago. And I know that my. Siblings and family resonate with this, and if you've lost someone really young and unexpectedly, then you probably do. But one thing that came from that experience is that I think about. Death pretty often, and it sounds really morbid that way, but it's actually a really good thing now. I mean, obviously when you're going through grief and loss and hardship, like right after my brother died, I wasn't thinking, oh, well this just shows me how great life is. Like I wasn't thinking that, but now I can. Look at life and think like, what if this was my last day or when my husband gets in the car to go somewhere? I, I hate how often I think this, but like when my husband gets in the car to go somewhere, my brother didn't die in a car accident, but. I, I think like what would it be like if I lost Jared? And it just immediately, my body has like a physical response and I feel just my heart swell at that thought of like, I need to appreciate him while I have him because no day is guaranteed and we have no idea how many days that we have here. And so. Obviously I don't want people to experience loss like that in their lives, and I don't want anybody really close to you or important to you to die, or especially unexpectedly and young. He was 33 when he died, and it just reminds me like as a 30-year-old, you know, I'm, I'm not too as age yet, but. I'm not that far away and anybody, I mean, anybody that lives past 33 has more time than he had. So. I don't know if this is tracking, and again, I know that it's a little bit morbid, but it is something that I think about regularly and I didn't realize that there was an actual name for it until more recently, like a few months ago when my husband was talking about negative visualization and this practice and stoicism and I was like, oh, that I feel like is. Some of the mental mindset reframe that I do or try to do on a daily basis whenever I am feeling unhappy or feeling doom and gloom And I just try to remind myself, okay, well this, this day you're never gonna get to day back and you may not wake up tomorrow. And so I didn't realize that that was a practice that. Actually already existed and has existed for thousands of years, and probably longer than that. It's probably existed longer than it was even documented back in the Stoicism Greek philosophy ages. So yeah, Truly all it is, is the practice of taking a few minutes, five minutes, maybe in the middle of your day or when you're feeling really frustrated with life, or you just find yourself kind of going through the motions or you're saying things like what I said at the beginning of this episode of, oh my gosh, I can't believe it's already April. Or, oh my gosh, it's already Wednesday. Or, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm 30 already, or something like that, and you're just feeling like time is passing you by. It's something that you can incorporate to ground yourself in the present and to just really appreciate and increase your gratitude for every day. So. The idea is that you take something specific and it really should be specific. It should be your partner or it should be your children, or it should be your job or your car or your home, or just something that you feel like maybe you're taking for granted, and then visualize what it would feel like if that thing were no longer there. A really big one that I think. I started doing before I even knew that negative visualization was a thing, and before my brother passed, was back when several important people in our lives, my husband in my lives were going through kind of health crises several, like eight years ago, and we, and we had experienced some really scary moments with those people in our lives, that had some serious falls that really. Affected their health. And I remember this was, yeah, probably like seven or eight years ago. And it was one of the things that springboarded me into trying to get my health on track because I just kept thinking, when I'm older, I wanna be able, I wanna be mobile and I wanna be able to move my, move my body like normal. And it was something that I was able to. Whenever I was starting that routine, like developing a new health routine, I would think to myself. What if one day I wasn't able to do this or what, what if one day I wasn't able to work out, I wasn't able to do jumping jacks, or I wasn't able to lift weights or something like that because I physically was unable to, and that is something that kept me going and still keeps me going every day. Like any day that I wake up to workout or I go on a walk. A lot of the time, that's what I'm thinking whenever I have that first initial thought that we all have, which is like. Oh, I don't really wanna work out. Oh, I don't really feel like it. My next thought is usually, well, I'll be better for it. And what if I couldn't do this? Like, what if I was, there are plenty of people out there that their legs don't work, or there are plenty of people out there that their cardio is in such bad shape that they couldn't do this for 30 minutes or 40 minutes or however long I go for, and it, it truly does help me to. Move forward in the thing that I'm wanting. But more than that, it just gives me an appreciation for, like, on the flip side of things, it gives me gratitude and appreciation for my body. So instead of looking in the mirror and picking apart all the things about my body that I don't like being like, I'm really thankful that I have strong arms. I'm really thankful that I have legs that take me where I need to go. And I'm just really thankful for all of the things that I see in the mirror in which it's obviously a work in progress, but this isn't how I feel all the time. But it can help to negatively visualize. What if I, what if I wasn't able? What if I did have some kind of severe injury? Or what if I couldn't walk for a year or, or forever? Or what if my hearing went out? I mean, it could be anything, but especially with health. So that's an example of vis negative visualization when it comes to health. Another really good one, like I mentioned with Jared is with your partner or relationship that you have. I know, especially at this age, I feel like relationships with parents can be really tricky because you're an adult and obviously not everybody listening to this is the same age as me, but. But I like to talk on here about real things that I'm going through. And so when you have a parent or you have a parent in-law, or you have a grandma or somebody who just kind of drives you nuts, and it's really just because of the age and everything, and you're probably like me where you think that you know better because you're an adult and really like they have tons of wisdom that they could offer you. But I digress, but if you have like a tricky relationship with someone in your life, this is something that I do regularly where I'm like, well, maybe this is not the way that I wanted this conversation to go, but I can increase my appreciation for being able to even have that conversation because not everybody has a parent or a parent in-law, or a grandma or a sibling or just someone that you are kind of struggling with right now. This negative visualization can really help you improve your appreciation and gratitude for that person and the relationship that you have with them, because you probably won't always have them in your life. And that's something that I know that my husband and I have talked about a lot. This is gonna sound so silly, but with our dog recently, our poor family, it's like it goes in waves. But our poor family has multiple people in our family have had older dogs recently that they've had to. Put to sleep, and it's really like sometimes we're forced to accept this negative visualization, right? Like it's sometimes it's not something that we bring on on our own because in this case, there were real life things that happened in my family where three different dogs had to be put down 'cause it was just their time and their age. And I have a five-year-old dog, and more recently my husband and I when we're taking our walks with our dog. It makes me sad, I think about losing him, but then it also reminds me, like right now it's spring and it's fricking rainy and muddy, and my dog comes in and I don't wanna ever let him out because he is gonna get mud on his paws and then I'm gonna have to clean them before he gets on the couch or on the carpet or whatever. But I can very quickly ground myself and be like. I'd rather have to clean his muddy paws than not have him here, right? So it's really sad thing, and it can be morbid again, but it's something that can really ground us with your job. This is another example. So with your job, how many of us grumble and complain and are annoyed about going to work every day, but then say that you get paid, I get paid every other Friday, so. Say that you get paid every other Friday, like the next time that it is payday. Imagine that you wake up and you don't get paid. You don't have that job, you don't get a paycheck. That would suck. That would be a bummer. And so it can help remind you you're happy that you have this, or another one that I really like, and this might be helpful for those of you that are parents, is I was listening to a podcast one time and they were, and she was talking about she had a young child, like a young infant, and at that point really, really having a hard time, like even just going to the grocery stores harder. Once you have another human to. Take care of. And she said that she was at the store and there was a older lady that came up to her and said like, oh, I miss those days. And it just made her think about how one day she's gonna miss these days and she's gonna miss the time whenever she has that has that young child. And the house is quiet and. It really helped her root in the, in the present. And I've been thinking about that a lot with my niece being so close by. I am obsessed with her. I, I feel like I haven't talked about her in a while, which is crazy. But Mila is my niece and my sister lives like a five minute drive, 25 minute walk from me and my other sister just moved like seven minute drive, seven, eight minute drive away, and it's just lovely and I think very regularly, very often. That when I'm walking our neighborhood or driving our neighborhood or just popping over for a minute, that there's probably going to be a day where we don't live this close together. And I just want, and I, I'm already thinking like in the future there's, we're gonna be thinking, wow, those were the good old days. Like, wow, those were so wonderful and I just don't wanna take them for granted. And so that's a. Piece of negative visualization that I do regularly to make sure that I'm appreciating the moment and grounded in the present and really soaking it up while I'm here. The last thing I wanna leave off with is if you have not watched a movie about time you should. It's got Rachel McAdams and I can't remember who the actor is. You would recognize him probably if you saw him, but it's so cute. It's so sad, and. This is part of what brought this back to my mind for today's episode is my husband just watched that movie again and. I don't think I'm gonna spoil anything but the premise of the movie is that the male protagonist can travel back in time to any day and relive it. And he finds out that this runs in the. In their generation of men, so his dad can do it too. And so at first he goes back in time to try to like correct mistakes or do things better on a particular day. But then over time he uses it as a way to go back to days and relive them. Like those really good days, like my husband and I our afternoon walk at the end of every day, we rate the day one to 10, and we very rarely have 10 outta 10 days. We kind of save those for the best days, but that's the idea in this movie. He uses this to go back to those 10 out of 10 days, and at the end there's this really sweet thing that his dad says to him about the secret to life is to wake up in the morning and pretend that this is a day that he's gone back to. So it could be any day, you wake up in the morning, you have to let your dog out, and then you have to let him back in and he is got muddy paws and blah blah blah and whatever. But the way that you would think about that day is so different. If you were like, oh, you know what? I really wanna go back to that day because I love that day so much. If you just woke up with that energy from the get go of, oh my gosh, I'm just gonna love this day so much, and look for all the good things and look for, when my husband's being annoying, or my boss is being annoying, it just won't bother you as much because you'll be present and you'll be appreciating the things that you're experiencing because they could. They could be gone. They'll be gone before you know it. So I don't know if this makes sense. Hopefully this is making sense with you and it's tracking with you. If you like this episode, please let me know. I would love if you would DM me on Instagram or like I said, tag me on Instagram after you post it on your story I would really appreciate it. I hope you have a wonderful week. Love you. Thank you.