Identifying FOMO & Turning It Into JOMO

If you're like me, FOMO (fear of missing out) can really take over without you realizing it! In this episode, I'm going over a few reflection questions to ask yourself to help determine if you're acting out of FOMO or true desire when you're saying yes to something. 

I hope this is helpful! As always, please share with a friend - maybe the one that gets FOMO bad!!

Love you, thank you!

Here are the questions I mentioned in the podcast, plus a few others:
1. If no one else knew I did this, would I still want to do it?
2. If I couldn't post about this or tell anyone afterward, would it still feel worth it?
3. Am I excited about the experience itself, or the idea of having experienced it?
4. Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to, or becuase I don't want to feel left out?
5. If this opportunity came around again in 6 months, would I still feel like I HAVE to do it right now?
6. What emotion am I trying to avoid? (Regret? Loneliness? Feeling behind? Boredom?)
7. What emotion am I hoping to gain? (Connection? Status? Pride?)
8. Does this move toward the life I want, or just keep me from feeling like I'm missing someone else's life?
9. After I imagine saying yes, do I feel energized or just relieved?
10. After I imagine saying no, do I feel disappointed or simply afraid of missing out?
11. Is this something I've wanted for a long time, or something I only wanted once I saw someone else doing it?
12. Am I making this decision from abundance ("I get to choose") or scarcity ("this is my only chance")?
13. What would future me thank me for choosing?

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Transcript

Speaker 0:40

Hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. Today, I'm talking about something that I feel like is especially prevalent this time of year when summer and fall rolls around, and even winter. Maybe not as much later winter, but I feel like, I guess, between April and December, we just get so many invites to so many different things, and there's so many opportunities to do things. There's so many opportunities to eat things, to spend money, to go to things, to travel. There's just always events going on, and I feel like really the only quiet months of that are kinda January through March. People slow down, recoup, and there's fewer events going on. But once April kicks in, I always feel like once Easter hits, you just start getting invites to things because the sun's coming out, people are doing things, and everybody's inviting you to do something. Or you're seeing other people doing things and maybe they're not inviting you, but you're like, "I wanna do that too." And social media is not our friend when this when it comes to this situation because whether it's Snapchat or Instagram or TikTok or whatever the thing may be, if it's someone you know or it's someone you don't know, it's just v- really enticing to see that the people you're following are doing this thing or buying this thing or going to this thing and thinking, "I need to do that too." And so today on this episode, I wanted to talk about FOMO because it's something that I experience very intensely, fear of missing out, if you aren't familiar with the term. I feel like most people are by now. But I do have-- get intense FOMO and have to keep it in check pretty regularly. And I think that in, maybe in the last few years, I've just been working on this a lot more of saying yes less or just pausing before I say yes because sometimes that obligates me to something that I actually didn't really wanna do. I just felt like I either needed to do or I should do because other people are doing it, and that's not always healthy, and it can leave you feeling resentment or it can leave you feeling drained from something that you didn't actually really wanna do, or it can leave you feeling even more empty. Because a lot of the time, I think the reason that we say yes to things that we don't necessarily wanna do is this FOMO, fear of missing out, and we're worried that we're missing something. We feel kind of empty. There's some kind of emotion that we're missing, and because of that we say yes, and then that isn't fulfilled, that empty space in us isn't fulfilled. And so then we just still feel empty after that experience or thing that we're doing. So- I think this is super prevalent today. If you struggle with FOMO, I'd love to know, because I feel like I'm a recovering FOMO addict or some- something of that sort. I'm recovering from my FOMO tendency, And today I wanted to talk about some questions that you can ask yourself before you say yes to something that can maybe help you turn that FOMO into JOMO, which is... That's, I feel like, less talked about, but joy of missing out. So making your yeses and your nos feel strong, and specifically making your nos feel like a joyful no, rather than a "Oh, I'm sad I'm missing out because I can't do this thing," kind of no. I don't know if that makes sense. But ba- basically, I just wanna talk through some questions that you can ask yourself to really figure out, am I doing this because I actually want to, or am I just doing this because I have FOMO? And then that way you can help turn that into JOMO whenever you decide, "Actually, no, I am only doing this because of FOMO. I should not do this because that's not a good enough reason to do this thing. I don't think I actually want to." Turn that into JOMO and feel empowered when you say no to certain things, because there's so much power in creating space in your life for other things, and we'll get more into that when I talk more about JOMO. But I'm gonna talk about some questions that you can ask yourself, and then how you can turn things around into JOMO. I did wanna say that even though I just think this is prevalent because of the increasing frequency of activities that you're invited to come spring, summer, fall, and I would say holiday season. Not necessarily winter, but spring, summer, fall, holiday season. Once you enter those seasons, I do think it's super relevant, but on top of that, I have had several conversations recently with girlfriends where we're talking about Just kind of that element of FOMO or I guess just that experience of feeling FOMO And since I've had this conversation with not... Like, more than one person recently, and on more than one occasion, I was thinking, "You know what? This might be good to talk about on the podcast," 'cause I always come on the podcast and think of it as though we're having a conversation, and we're chatting about, "Oh, this is what's going on in my life right now, and this is what I'm experiencing, and this is what I'm trying to get better at." And this is one of those things that I'm trying to get better at, and that I think I have im- made improvement on. But of course, most things are a lifelong journey of improvement or figuring out how you fit into the season of life and what kind of... What version of yourself you are. So that's part of... That's another reason why I wanted to come on here and talk about this, is because I've had conversations with other people, either over a drink or over a coffee or whatever that is, and I love coming on here and, thinking about it as though you're sitting across from me, and we're just both having a chai latte or a sangria or whatever and talking about what's going on in our lives. So with that said, I wanna talk about some of the questions, and I made a list on my phone, so if you're watching on YouTube, that's why I'm on my phone. I'm not talented enough to multitask and, like, be texting and looking things up while I'm on my phone and doing the podcast, so that's what I'm doing on my phone. And I wanted to read some of these questions that can help you determine if it's FOMO or, like, a genuine desire that you actually have. So this first one I think is really telling. If no one else knew I did this, would I still want to do it? F- so for instance, I can fall in this trap because I really like sharing things that I do on my stories, like Instagram stories or Facebook stories. I really like sharing things like that, or I really like telling people about the things that I do. And sometimes when I sit back and think, "Okay, what if Instagram didn't exist?" Or, "What if I didn't see this trend going around and it, you know, a trend that started with TikTok and everybody's doing it now. What if I didn't see that? Would I still have a desire to do this?" And I think that that can be really telling because if no one knew that you were doing it, then you would truly just be doing it for yourself. I think of my husband, which he was a little upset that when I had my hobby episode several weeks back, that I didn't mention his candle making, or not even his candle making, but candle making as a hobby, 'cause he's really gotten into this. But when I think about my husband and his... He's been spontaneously wanting to make candles and, like, getting really into it and trying out different scents and trying out different wax. And we went to Michael's one day and checked out all their stuff, and then he's looked into more things on Amazon and all that. Like, no one else knows he's doing that, besides the people that I tell, because I tell everybody our business. Sorry, babe. But he's just doing that because it's just fun for him. It's just a genuine desire. It's not because he saw someone else doing it and was like, "Oh, I need to get into that. Everybody's making candles. I need to make candles, too." It's not like that for him. It's just that that's a genuine desire that he has. So when you are doing, when you're doing something or you're making something or you're attending an event or you're s- just saying yes to anything, ask yourself, "If no one else knew that I did this, if I didn't have the ability to post this on my story, or if I wasn't going to immediately text my sister after and tell her I did this, or text my..." I'll say book club, 'cause I have book club, but, like, if I wasn't immediately gonna text all my book club and be like, "Oh, this is what I'm doing," or send a message to whomever. If no one knew that you were doing this thing, would you still want to do it? And that can help you separate FOMO from true desire. Another really good one that really applies to me as well is, am I excited about the experience itself or just the idea of having experienced it? This is something that I literally just today, as I was making the notes for this podcast, I was like, "Oh my God, I can apply this today." Because if you've been following along, Kansas City, where I live, is one of the hosts of the World Cup, and we have this big thing called FIFA Fan Fest, and It's in an area downtown. It seems really cool. They have different performances every day. They have different vendors. Margaritas and beers cost, like, $20, but regardless, it's fun vibes. I have not been. I've just seen, the videos of it. I've heard people talking about it, and it just kinda seemed fun to go to. So I... The tickets are free, but I reserved tickets because sometimes they do, quote unquote, "sell out." I'm saying sell out in quotations just because they don't cost any money, so they're not actually really selling anything, but you have to reserve your pass. And I decided a few weeks ago to go ahead and reserve a pass for the last day, which is today, and today's the last day of FIFA Fan Fest, and in Kansas City. And the All-American Rejects are playing, and I was like, "Wait, that's kinda cool. I like the All-American Rejects. Jared likes the... My husband likes the All-American Rejects as well." I just thought that would be cool, and I was thinking about Ooh, I think it would be so fun, and just go and finally experience the vibes." Everybody's been talking about it. But when I started to think about am I actually interested in the experience? First of all, it's really, really hot here. Second of all, we've been getting a little bit anxious about leaving our dog at home alone for really extended periods of time. He hasn't been doing as well. He's just turned five this year, and he, some... Just randomly, some things have changed with him. Like, all of a sudden he's scared of thunderstorms. He never used to be. He did fine with 4th of July, so it's not just loud noises. I think it is just we've had some major severe thunderstorms here, so strange. And then also, he... I think maybe part of it is that we both work from home now, so we're home almost all the time, and I think he's just used to that possibly. But he's had two accidents when we've been gone for extended periods of time, like five-plus hours, I guess. And it's just been, like we hate that for him. We don't want that for him. And so that was another thing I was thinking about, like we'll be gone for a long time. Another thing that we always hate to deal with is, parking downtown, figuring out... And for the FIFA Fan Fest, there's so many people. I just realized that's, like, such a funny thing to say fast. FIFA Fan Fest, FIFA Fan Fest. Anyway, with, with that, we, there's so many people that you have to park and then kinda shuttle to the FIFA Fan Fest. And also, everything costs a lot of money. We wouldn't be planning to drink or buy food there or anything. It would really just be to see the thing and experience it. And when I was thinking about the actual experience, I was like, "I don't think I actually wanna do that." I think more so what I wanna do, or more so I like the idea of the experience itself because I keep thinking to myself, "Well, the US hasn't hosted World Cup in 32 years, and Kansas City never has hosted, and there's a chance that this will never happen again in our lifetime. We should go." And- I think that is the perfect epitome of FOMO because none of the things about the experience seemed cool to me, except for maybe seeing Amer- All American Rejects, 'cause I do love live music. However, we found out... We have a birthday party, that's like the only commitment we have today, and it's literally 2:00 to 4:00 and All American Rejects play 2:30 to 3:45, so, like, we wouldn't, we wouldn't see them anyway. But outside of that, all of the things that are encompassed in the experience, I was like, I actually don't think I would super enjoy the experience. I just am excited about the idea of the experience, and I'm afraid of missing out on something that might never come back again. And here's a follow-up question that I think is really, really good for this. If this opportunity came around again in six months, would I still feel like I have to do it right now? And my answer is a big no. If this was gonna happen in six months, I would not feel like I needed to do it right now. And to me, that's such an aligning thing to realize that, okay, yeah, this is not actually a desire of mine, it's just FOMO. It's really just FOMO. So I transferred the tickets to my sister, and I hope she has a great time, and we're gonna go to our birthday party, and then we're probably gonna like just have a dinner date or something afterward, and that's a little bit more our speed today. That's just something that I am feeling a lot more excited about. And that's okay. That's totally okay. I don't have to do what everybody on Instagram is doing. I, I genuinely didn't even know about Fan Fest until I started seeing videos and people were talking about it and all that, and they were like, "You definitely need to go." And I'm like, "Oh my God, I do." And then I'm like, "Actually, no, I don't." I don't even think that would be super fun for us. So that's a good question to ask yourself is, are you excited by the experience or the idea of the experience? And a follow-up question to that is, if this experience was gonna happen again, if the opportunity presented itself again in six months, would you feel like, I have to do this now still or not? So those are some good questions. Another question that I really like that goes... It's a little bit more kinda checking in with your emotions. It's a little bit more h- maybe mental health focused, but it is, what emotion am I trying to avoid? Regret, loneliness, feeling behind, feeling bored. So, like, what emotion are you trying to avoid? Because if there's something in your life that isn't going the way that you want, like say that you- your relationship status isn't going the way you want, or your homeowner status isn't going the way you want, your work status, career status isn't going the way you want, your family status isn't going the way you want, it's really likely that you're going to start seeking fulfillment in things that won't fulfill that hole in you, because there's a hole in you that's related to something entirely different. But as humans, sometimes we just fall into the trap of, oh, but if I have that or I go to that or I buy that or I eat that, that's gonna fill that hole, and it's really not. So getting in tune with yourself and figuring out, am I just feeling lonely in my life? Am I feeling bored in my life? Am I feeling behind in my life? Am I feeling regret for something that I've done? That might help you determine, is this something that I'm trying to use to fill that void, or is it something that I actually desire? And then on the flip side of that, you can ask yourself, what am I hoping to gain from this experience? So are you trying to get connection, or you're trying to gain, status? You're trying to seem popular or cool, or like you do all the things. Or maybe you're trying to seem as though you have it all put together, or you're trying to seem as though you do all the fun things. You're trying to seem fun, or you're trying to seem... What are you trying to project? Like, what image are you trying to project? Because that image that you're trying to project you're probably trying to project it because of the missing thing that you, that emotion that you are feeling a, a void in. I hope that makes sense. That's a little bit more, oof, intense, vulnerable feeling. And I actually have so many more questions written here, but I feel like I'm getting a little bit crazy on time right now. So I'll put more questions in the show notes of this episode. But the last one I want to talk to you about is, does this move me toward the life I want or just keep me from feeling like I'm missing someone else's life? And this is a really good one, one that I really resonate with because I am so obsessed with my sisters. I love them so much. Or I'm so obsessed with my book club. I love them so much. I'm so obsessed with the Butte girls, which I don't know if I've actually called them the Butte girls on here, but they're my college roommates. I love them so much. And I'm the type of person that I am thinking about those people 24/7. Like, I am constantly thinking about them, and genuinely, I don't mean to, but thinking about, what am I missing in their lives. Like, oh my God, what if I'm not caught up on the latest thing that's going on at work for them? Or what if I'm not caught up on the latest thing that's going on with their husband? Or what if I'm not caught up on the latest thing that is going on with their house situation or whatever. Like I just... I-- maybe I'm just a busy body. I say maybe. I definitely am just a busy body. But I love to know what's going on with people, and I really, really do truly love supporting them through those things. But then sometimes I have to remind myself, what do I want in my life? What am I moving toward in my life? And when I make decisions about, going to things or saying yes to helping someone with something, or saying yes to attending an event or whatever, I have to ask myself, "Is this something that actually is moving me more toward the life that I wanna live, or is this just me feeling like I'm missing out on someone else's life, And if I don't go, then oh my God, maybe they won't invite me to the next thing, or maybe I'll miss out. Other people that are there will get the latest scoop on what's going on and I won't, and other people will, like, connect and I won't be able to be there to, like, also connect. And it's just, it's totally FOMO when you're in that state. And so for me, that's really helpful. I hope it's helpful for you too, thinking about yourself, "Is this pushing me toward the life that I wanna live?" Because for me, I've talked a lot on, on this podcast that I want space in my life. I want pause in my life. I want to live a life that feels restful and that also feels joyful and excited and enthusiastic, and that I've got support and whatnot. But I do want a restful, peaceful, slow life that is sometimes broken up by fast-paced exciting things. But that's something that I'm really seeking, and that's... I can't do that if I'm constantly like, "Oh, this thing, this thing, this thing, this thing." And so that's something that you can ask yourself. What kind of life are you moving toward? And that can change with the season too. Maybe at some point in life I won't want this slowdown. You know? That's fine, but it can change with the season too. But get aligned with like, what do you value this season in this life right now? What are you moving toward? And when you say yes to something or no to something, make sure that it's still moving toward that direction that you want, and it's not just moving... You're not just having the fear of missing out on someone else's life, because their life and their values and where they're headed is different than where you're headed and your values and all that. So I'm gonna stop with the reflection questions 'cause I just feel like I've talked about them for a long time. But I do wanna talk real quick about the JOMO, the flip side of it, because JOMO, joy of missing out, it's not about convincing yourself, "Oh, I don't want that," or "I didn't wanna be invited to that thing, so I'm like not missing out," or, "Oh, I never even wanted to go to that thing, so I'm not missing out." It's more so about, intentionally moving toward a life that you love so that when you say no, it comes from a place of peace and joy rather than a place of, I don't know, panic and, and anxiety And just a reminder that every yes is also a no. So if I were to say yes to going to that FIFA Fan Fest thing, then I would be saying no to spending some time at the house before a really busy day tomorrow, or I would be saying no to probably our afternoon walk with our dog because we probably wouldn't be able to squeeze that in at that point. Or I'd be saying no to some potential other quality time with my husband. Just there are other things that I would be saying no to, And I just feel like every time that you intentionally miss out on something that doesn't align with what your priorities are or what your values are or where your life is moving toward, it opens you up, it gives you space to do something that does align with your priorities and does align with your life that you're building and your values So when you do say no, ask yourself "What am I making room for? What am I making space for in my life?" Because it's really, really helpful. I think especially as I'm out of my 20s, I'm way less likely to say yes to going out on a random weekday or even on a weekend day and staying out super late and drinking. And I just, there are different repercussions and different values that I have now. Not even values I would say, but just, priorities that I have now where I'm like, I am gonna say no to drinking alcohol until midnight because I am saying yes to getting good sleep. Or I'm gonna say no to hanging out really late on a weeknight because I'm gonna prioritize being able to reset before a work day the next day. Or I could probably think of other examples, but I'm blanking right now. So I just want you to feel the joy of missing out rather than the fear of missing out, and I hope that these questions are really helpful for you as you reflect and say yes and no to things going forward. And I love you. Thank you