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Healing While Raising Children: Montessori, Connection & Breaking Cycles w/ Faye Khoury | Ep. 23 [NEW]

• Lindsay Mars

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In this episode of "Know Happiness", I sit down with Faye Khoury — also known as The Monti Mama — a certified Montessori teacher, neuroscience-informed parent coach, student of biblical psychology, mother of five in a blended family and author of "Montessori as a Lifestyle".

Faye shares how Montessori is truly a mindset shift:
- Seeing children as capable humans
- Allowing them to contribute
- Letting go of unnecessary control, and
- Building connection through everyday moments

We talk about what it means to raise capable, confident, independent children — not through perfection, but through presence, repair, and trust. So, if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, discouraged or unsure whether you’re doing parenting “right,” this episode is a reminder that it’s never too late to repair, reconnect and choose a different way forward.

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For more information on Faye –
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/faye.themontimama/
Website: www.fayekhoury.com
"Montessori as a Lifestyle" Book: https://themontimama.thrivecart.com/montessori-lifestyle/

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00:00 - Intro
01:33 - Why Happiness Means Connection
05:17 - Who is Faye?
08:14 - How the Loss of Her Father Shaped Faye
14:09 - How Early Loss Structures Parental Control
17:37 - Faye's Start with Montessori
19:39 - The Deeper Meaning of Montessori
21:16 - The Impact of Montessori on Children's Capabilities
27:13 - Why Contribution Creates Belonging
28:45 - The Misunderstandings of Montessori
30:02 - Neuroscience & Montessori Coorelation w/ Child Development
32:47 - "I'm healing alongside my children."
35:41 - Focal Shift from Aesthetic to Mindset
37:26 - Where Can One Begin to Learn About Montessori?
39:22 - Why Learning to Disagree Matters Today
43:27 - The Core Message of Faye's Book
44:23 - Weaving Faith into Montessori Practice
45:26 - Faye's Message to Parents Who Feel Behind
46:09 - What Faye Would Tell Her Younger Self
47:18 - Outro

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ABOUT KNOW HAPPINESS
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#knowhappiness #podcast #montessori #childdevelopment #parentalcontrol

Intro

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to No Happiness, a podcast around how we seek, find, and sustain happiness in some of the most unusual places. Today I'm joined with Faye Corey. She's also known as the Monty Mama, certified Montessori teacher, neuroscience informed parent coach, student of biblical psychology, mother of five in a blended family, and the to the add to the latest edition of her repertoire, it includes author of Montessori as a lifestyle. Welcome, Faye.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks, Lindsay.

SPEAKER_02

I meant to put on their friend.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. Besties. Yeah. Um, I know it's I was thinking today, like in my intro, like, uh, we have lived so much life together. And if when we first met back in the the Halloween parties, if we knew at this that later in life we'd be sitting here chatting over some microphones, we'd be like, what?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Oh, I agree. It's been quite a journey. I mean, how long have we known each other? Like 10 years? 10, 11 years. I mean, I was made of honor in your wedding. I know, like, no big deal, right? Maid of honor in my wedding. Yeah. And yours, you and mine. Yeah. So we've seen a lot of, we've had a lot of history. Yes. Yeah. Well, I'm it's about time I finally got you in here.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

And I'm really glad that we can highlight you and all the amazing things that you have been doing.

Why Happiness Means Connection

SPEAKER_02

But before we get into that, I want to ask you what I ask all my guests, and that is, what is happiness to you?

SPEAKER_00

My version of happiness right now, and what I've grown into understanding through my life, is connection. Connection with my family and my friends. Um, it gives deeper purpose. It's the, you know, the mornings where you wake up and you see your family or your kids and you say, Good morning, how are you? It's the little moments of the giggles and the pitter patters, of the feet running across the floor. It's the hey mommy, look what I made you. It's the sad moments too, the tears, the comforting, and the growing in deep connection with each other. And um when I find that, that makes me feel it makes me feel rich in life.

SPEAKER_02

I it really sounds to me like it's your why, you know, like your family and friendships, your connections with people are your why. Why what makes you get up in the morning? And I I can really appreciate that. Uh I've certainly gotten to deal with the not having having children that don't really necessarily need a lot of the day-to-day things. And you're in a different season in your life, yes, mainly. You do have a teen, uh, but you kind of got to do uh do-over here with young kids again. We did, we did. Yeah, and so I think for me, learning to find my why has been quite quite an experience, quite a journey, you know, because your your kids, you know, the the job that we have is to prepare them to leave the nest, right? Right, absolutely. But nobody really prepares you for how that's going to feel as they start pulling away and you creating distance so that they can and are ready to fly the nest, you know? Right, it's like a hope and a prayer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I hope I did good.

SPEAKER_02

Here we go. You know, it's interesting. I thought about how we have 18 years with our kids, right? Where we are in that parental figure, and we'll always be a parental figure. But really, after 18, and or especially after they graduate college, is it becomes a friendship. You know, you have a deep friendship with these once babies or now grown adults that go off and have their own children and marriage and all the things that come along with adulthood. And so it's been interesting to navigate those waters in being able to build a friendship with my children before they turn 18. And I have my husband to thank for that because I was raised with a mom that was very rigid and very, we don't drink, we don't do this, we don't do that. And I understand You do this because I told you so. Right.

SPEAKER_00

I'm the mom, I'm the parent, you listen to me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, right. And so, really, and this is not not a fault of hers or a knock at her, but it just taught me to get really good at lying and sneaking and deceiving. Right. And so it's been fun to find a healthy balance of uh, you know, being a safe space for my kids to be able to come to me to talk to me about anything that comes up without fear of reprisal, right? So I hope that that is your experience because it has really been awesome to step into that parenting role with them, uh, friendship. So

Who is Faye?

SPEAKER_02

for listeners meeting you for the first time, who is Faye beyond the titles, beyond just Messory and Coaching?

SPEAKER_00

Ah, Faye. Um, I mean, first and foremost, I I definitely pride myself as a mom. I, you know, really growing up in my younger adult years, I didn't think I was gonna have kids. I think I was so broken inside. I didn't, I didn't want children. And my younger self would be kind of laughing at me now, like, oh, you have five kids? Are you serious? Like, huh? Right. Um, so it's kind of, you know, things are put in our lives and happen in our lives to help us grow and to learn. And that's my children is where I have grown and learned the most in my life. It has stretched me in so many ways, especially in a blended family. That's a whole nother dynamic that people that don't live it just don't quite get.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_00

There's so many other moving parts than the nuclear family. Um, so yeah, so I have five children, four, seven, fifteen, seventeen, and eighteen. So I am we're sending one to college next year, and I still have one at home yelling in the bathroom, Mom, come wipe my butt. So, you know, it's a very special season in our lives.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um, but it's fun. Yeah. Well, what's funny to me is I think of like the two relationships in a person's life that are the biggest mirrors and biggest triggers are being in an intimate relationship and parenting. And they are the things that bring out all of your shit, all of your unhealed wounds. All the shit. Yeah. And how literally wiping shit. Yeah. How we can, if we're not conscious in our parenting or in a relationship, how easily we project our own shit on our kids. And it's like if we don't break those generational curses and cycles, it just continues. So, like, no more, no extra pressure, right?

SPEAKER_00

Right, yeah, no big deal. Yeah. We're just, you know, creating the next generation of humans that are gonna be contributing to the world. No big deal.

SPEAKER_02

Right. Yeah. And you know, the the reality is we are gonna fuck up our kids a little bit. There is no perfect parent out there. And it even just like the smallest little things for a kid, they can internalize and it turned into this huge wound, you know, just by their perception of what you were saying. You may not have even meant it, but that's how they heard it, that's how they internalized it, and then that's what they became. And so no matter how or what you do, there's always gonna be something with your kids that they have picked up from you or your parenting, you know? Absolutely. Yeah. So

How the Loss of Her Father Shaped Faye

SPEAKER_02

I know you know, since we've been friends, I know you lost your father when you were 12. Can you just take us back to that season in your life and how it has shaped you today?

SPEAKER_00

When my father died when I was 12, um, really at the same time I lost my mom. She was just grief-stricken, and I resented her for that for years. She was not there like she had been. You know, really, I I always explain my mom in my early childhood years as Betty Crocker. She was making her own bread. My parents were organic before organic was even a thing. Um, they were so conscious and um parents that embodied like love and compassion and empathy. And I lost both of them kind of at the same time. Um she, you know, quickly found someone else after my father and was kind of gone and in and out and inconsistent. So I I just remember thinking, you know, it's me and my sister, and she's just a few years younger than me. And I'm like, I just I have to step up. I have to be here to make sure my sister's okay. Now I'm a 12-year-old, 13, 14, 15, 16. This goes into my early adulthood, um, trying to just like navigate how do I make sure my sister is alive at the end of the day. But also, I was given so much freedom and independence. So I can't even imagine for her what that really, I mean, what that looked like. Yeah. I uh, you know, it sounded it was great at the time. As a teenager, like, I do do whatever I want. Doing a face house. Woo! Yeah, it was it was the place to be. Um and yeah, it was great. But now I look back and I'm like, man, I that was tough.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I I was navigating so much hurt and pain on my own and my sister, and um it made me grow up really fast.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I was just getting ready to say from like where I see in my perspective, is you were catapulted into a role you didn't choose, all while dealing with your own grief. That is an an enormous amount to put on a on a child because you were a child. And and yet I I think of in my own examples, and I definitely know this with you, that while that was really an unfair situation to be put on you, it has created an extremely independent and self-sufficient, mature young lady, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. Yeah, you know, you know, I yes, it it did. At a very very early age, I had, you know, I always was um reaching for the next best thing um in a young career and um trying to one up myself. I really did just pull up my bootstraps and I I went for it. And that was kind of what gave me structure was going into my work life and um finding something um in like in management that gave me something to um rely on because I didn't have that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And so that was my focus, and that's what kept me going. Um, you know, I I have a really good friend that she's told me and she knows just like you, the depth of everything that happened through a lot of those years. And she was like, Man, it is really amazing. You didn't end up being an alcoholic or a drug addict or something because you had every opportunity. Yeah. But I found that structure that my personality really needed in my work life, and I think that was kind of something that saved me.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah. Well, I'm super proud of you. I think that what you went through is nothing short of miraculous. And, you know, I think back to my teenage years and we know how that ended. And so I'm just so grateful that you made that not only made it through, but like it it molded and shaped the human being and the mother that you are today. Because I know you as a mother, and you are very hands-on. And like to me, and I have a lot of empathy for your mother. I know her and I absolutely Mama Jay, I'm called for that. I know that this was the love of her life, you know. I think about like how if Scott and I were much younger and we had young kids, how I would deal with that, you know. Absolutely. And so there is zero judgment. And I think it's really cool too that you and your mom have found forgiveness. I know that wasn't initially the easiest relationship to find forgiveness in, but I she's there for you now, you know?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, she is, and that's something I'm so grateful for. And that just also shows such a testimony of the body remember safety. My mom was safety growing up as a child. And when she finally came it back into my life, I was able to let go of my resentment and my anger and my hate for her. Um, and she has done so much more than I could have ever imagined to be the mom that I I've needed. Yeah. And a great grandmother, yeah, me mom that has just goes above and beyond uh for my kids.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I think that's really wonderful too. Like I think that way about my mom, especially, because she was working all the time. I spent an awful lot of time alone at very young ages, and she was just doing the best that she could, but man, is she an amazing grandmother, you know? And so I think we find a lot of forgiveness through watching them with our children. There's like there can be a lot of healing in that capacity. So it's a beautiful thing to have. Thank you for sharing that part of you. I think it's important in understanding who you are and you know, is clearly about where you've been, right? Yes. So

How Early Loss Structures Parental Control

SPEAKER_02

looking back as a parent, how do you see that early loss influencing the way you approached control, structure, or protection in your own home?

SPEAKER_00

I definitely um came out as I want my children to feel safe and secure. And if I'm being honest, in a lot of ways that came in the form of control for me as an early parent. I've had so many phases of parenting with a large age gap, and I've learned from each and every of those children, and it has changed so much. Like the parent I was with my first child all the way down to the last nine day.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and you know, like I said, they've grown me the most. Um, you know, for example, my three older children. When I was when they were younger, I was very into trying to teach them to be independent. The things I wish I knew how to do um when I was in my teenage years. Um, for example, folding towels. That was something my mom did teach me. And it was a very specific way of folding towels. And it was handed down from my grandmother and her grandmother. So it was like this story. I don't know why this is something that's always stuck with me, how to fold a towel this specific way. But I was teaching my children how to do it, and they just couldn't get it. And I would snap at them. I'm, I would get so upset about it. I would I would just like pull them all. I'm like, I look back at myself, that is ridiculous. But there was a moment finally where I realized, what does it matter if the towels are folded a certain way? And I realized this is something about me. And I finally started to let go of certain things of it had to be done a certain way. No, it does not. The fact is, is that children are capable, and that's what I was teaching them to be. Not how to fold a towel perfectly, it's they have that independence and the will to be independent. And that's what I was trying to teach. That and when I found Montessori, that gave me the language for those things that I had started so early on with them and didn't understand it.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

Um, so capabilities, independence, and building that inner confidence, that inner voice of I can do it. That's that's what I was really looking for. But um, it wasn't until I started to let go of my control and the need for things to be a certain way that I really find that to be what I wanted it to be.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I think that um, first of all, it's great that you can see how you progressed as a parent and the things that you know you initially were doing. And I bring up Ella all the time, my daughter, in that she got a different parent, with a seven-year swing between my children. And oh, Ella. I know. And so from the outside, looking in, especially from her perspective as a teenager and early adulthood, it's kind of like, well, I she must have favored Calder because you know, she was she did better with him.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, but I think it's a real reality.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So I think it's important for other women, especially to know and to have forgiveness and give themselves some grace that when you know better, you do better, hopefully, right?

SPEAKER_00

You can't you don't know until you know. Right. And it's all life is a journey. Yes. It does not end. Yeah. There's no finish line. I mean, there is eventually, but yeah.

Faye's Start with Montessori

SPEAKER_02

So how did Montessori first enter your world? And what did you initially think that it was? Because I know there's like a lot of the preconceptions uh around what Montessori is. You know, I think of like really granola-y, like hippie kind of parents that are like that's how I think some perception is on the outside world. So share with me about Montessori.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um, yes, that was my first experiences. It's crunchy moms with this beautiful little playroom that they found a perfect Pinterest photo and replicated it with this, you know, beige playroom or the shelf and all the perfect little toys and everything is perfect. And um, that's what draw me in. I was gonna say that that's perfect. It drew me in. And I was like, that's beautiful. I love that. Um, but it was pretty quickly what I, you know, I set up the shelf, and I was so excited. And I didn't find Montessori really until um Pierce, my seven-year-old. And um I set it up, I watched him, he walked towards it, and he climbed it. Like it was a mountain or something. I was like, this is not, no, what am I doing wrong here? And I was like, okay, so it got me curious. Like, there has to, how are all these children on Instagram or whatever? They look like little monks sitting in their, their, their playrooms playing so quietly. What is to this? What am I doing wrong? And that's what led me to um knowing more and wanting to gain more because my personality type, I am a researcher. So when I find something interested in, I do like these deep dives and like obsess about it. So that's what I did with Montessori, and here I am.

SPEAKER_02

You're so funny because like I'm the complete opposite. I'm like, that looks good. Jump in, just do it. Yeah. I mean, I'm married to a man that is a thorough researcher. I've got something for me. Yeah. Yeah.

The Deeper Meaning of Montessori

SPEAKER_02

When did you realize that Montessori wasn't about the shelf or the wooden toys, but about something much deeper?

SPEAKER_00

Um, well, definitely when my child climbed it, I was like, well, I'm doing something wrong here. Um so, you know, that's what drew me in, but learning more and understanding the depth in which child development runs. Um, and understanding that as a parent, it really grew me in a whole nother way because I wasn't just telling my child what to do anymore. I understood what they're capable of. I think in this modern society, we have these expectations of children, like adult expectations, like you should know better, or they they know better than that, or they're trying to manipulate me. And through Montessori, I understood from her findings that that they have incredibly intricate developmental planes. And when you understand what they're capable at different times of their life, you're able to support them in those areas to help them grow the fastest or uh the most.

SPEAKER_02

I love that it to me what it sounds like is you're really maximizing their capabilities at a young age. And I think that sets them up for great success as they get older and that, you know, they realize they're far more capable than their buddies, you know, that aren't participating in.

SPEAKER_00

And it's not that they're they're smarter or advanced or anything, it's that we treat them in the home as capable uh little humans that can contribute and be a part of the culture in the home.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think that's awesome.

The Impact of Montessori on Children's Capabilities

SPEAKER_02

So once you became a lead teacher, what did observing children every day reveal to you about what they really are capable of? And we talk about capabilities. I I'd love to know some examples for those who don't really know a whole lot about Montessori.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um, you know, children will rise to the level of responsibility that we give them. And like I was saying, you know, they they're so much more capable. Um, for example, my daughter, Vivian, um, by the time she was one, she was dressing herself. She would wake up in the morning, we had her clothes laid out, she'd know what to do, and she loved doing that. It wasn't that I was just leaving her by the wayside, like figure it out, make yourself. Breakfast. She felt confident and capable, and she would come downstairs so happy, like, good morning. And you could just tell that like glowing joy of hey, I did this on my own. It was such a big deal. Or, you know, the crazy outfits she'll put together. Right. That's been fun. Um, you know, my son Pierce, he was cutting bananas and strawberries and things by like about two, and obviously with my supervision.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

Um, but children watch us in the home. And you ever notice or remember when your kids would just like kind of follow you around and you're like, what are you doing? It's because they want to know what we're doing. They want to be doing what we're doing, and we treat them like you're incapable, you can't do that, or like not giving them opportunity. Well, why not? It's a it's an opportunity for connection. When you have those moments of teaching them independence, how to cut something, how to put something away, how to put their shirt on. That's connection that you get to gain in those moments of helping them learn to be a human.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so let me ask you this with you and the perfectionism that you've struggled with throughout life, what do you do when, like when they come down? I thought I would imagine it's just really important to not say, oh, well, that's not the right way. You know, that doesn't go together. How do you navigate when you know your child's not doing something the right way, but they're doing it themselves?

SPEAKER_00

Where how does that work? So Montessori language is we don't correct in those situations. We would wait to another time to maybe like show them how to do it again. Okay. Or it doesn't create shame or hey, you did it wrong. It makes them feel like not good enough.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and enough of that, an overcorrected child creates anxious children. And so if my kid puts her shirt on backwards, do I say anything about it anymore? No. Did the old me? Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You got your shirt on backwards. You look ridiculous. Well, now I'm just like, oh, you got your shirt on. Great. And then we we move on. I the other day, Vivian had her hoodie on backwards and then her pants on backwards. We were walking around Target like it was no big deal because what does it matter?

SPEAKER_02

Right. They did it on their own. I think that that is an amazing thing to teach kids because I think of like Scott and his dad, and his dad always had the best intentions and and wanted to teach him things. And, you know, I he talks about he'd be assisting with fixing a car, and his dad would have him do it, and then would get frustrated and say, I'm just gonna do it, you know, get out of here. Yeah, I've got it. You know, because he he had not learned that like, and and as a result, Scott doesn't want anything to do with home repair, fixing of anything. I mean, he's just so it really taught him the opposite of what he was ideally hoping, right?

SPEAKER_00

Right, yeah. It it it shut him down. It taught him, you know what, I I'm not needed. Yeah, it it creates hesitation when we overcorrect and just keep nitpicking the things that what doesn't matter. No, if it comes to danger, sure, let's correct it right away. Like please don't fall down those stairs. Yeah. Um, but absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

So what happens developmentally when we consistently step in too quickly? Kind of like what we were just talking about with the correction, but this is like stepping in too quickly.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Um, you know, a lot of parents these days in modern society, I think we're in such a rush all the time that we're just like, let me do it. It's gonna be faster. But what you're doing is interrupting your child's brain development. Some parents also, I have found, need to be needed. And um, you know, and that is something that when we look inwards, we we can uh start to understand why that is from our own childhoods, but that is also taking away that confidence and opportunity for the child to develop mentally and spiritually, really. Um it when a child is able to attempt things, it creates the dopamine release and that's something that they need for that loop to continue, and that creates that intrinsic, intrinsic motivation and confidence for the child growing up to want to keep trying, to want to keep doing. Um, because when you just jump in all the time, they they're being told you can't do that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that well, that makes so much sense. And this has been something I've struggled with with my kids and either doing something just for them, and and a lot of it's just subconsciously, right? You know, and then when I really strip it away, I realize that like if I make myself indispensable, then they'll never leave. They can't abandon me, you know, and that's old shit from my childhood. And the truth is, I need to prepare them. So that's been a big learning lesson for me is starting to put responsibilities on them. Like, you need to figure it out. What do you think you need to do for that? You know, yeah, asking the right questions.

SPEAKER_00

How do you get to doing this? And then guiding them through instead of doing it for them. That's great that you're finding that. I am girl.

SPEAKER_02

You can teach an old dog new tricks.

Why Contribution Creates Belonging

SPEAKER_02

So you've often said that contribution creates belonging. What does that look like in your home?

SPEAKER_00

You know, in the home, um, just I mean, as us humans, we're wired to contribute. We want to feel a part of things. We want community. And when we let our children participate, they get to be a part of that. And that creates a belonging. And that looks like in the home, um, like letting them, you know, for example, when they're small, young, young little toddlers, wipe the table. Go pick that up off the floor. Let's put it in the trash. It's so simple. It's not like it's something appropriate. Yeah, it's not some grandioso thing. It's just these daily movements that they're gonna be doing for the rest of their lives, but you're letting them do it instead of just picking everything up for them or wiping everything down. You're letting them be about a part of the process of family culture.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, and that makes sense because you think about like a sense of purpose as you know, we retire and we get to that point where it's time to no longer do our purpose. Yeah, people have a tendency to wither up, you know, like it it is so important that we have some kind of contribution daily, no matter how big or small it is, for the rest of our lives. So good for you for starting that early.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, contribution, it activates pathways in the brain and it just keeps that brain development growing, especially when they're younger in that zero to six age.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

The Misunderstandings of Montessori

SPEAKER_02

So Marie Montessori said, do not do for the child what they can do for themselves. Why is this idea so powerful and yet so misunderstood?

SPEAKER_00

You know, many people think that this is withholding help. And it's not. Again, it's it's teaching them that they're capable and having confidence and doing the basic things of being a human. Um, but you know, the goal is the goal is development, not efficiency, not perfection, just doing. Those processes of Montessori are so important. Um, for example, I always like to explain it to parents that little children have all these thoughts and things going on in their heads, like a little tornado of emotions and feelings and thoughts and this and that. And Montessori and processes in in the home and as a family um help create filing cabinets through the years to file all those thoughts and thinking away in a purpose, purposeful way. And so it creates organization of the mind.

SPEAKER_02

I would not have known that. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I can see why you value this and have chosen to teach your youngest this pathway. Yes. Makes a lot of sense. Montessori

Neuroscience & Montessori Correlation w/ Child Development

SPEAKER_02

was ahead of her time. But what did she understand about child development that neuroscience is now confirming today?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um, Maria Montessori was a scientist, and she was the first to study thousands of children and develop a whole method around their development. And she found that there's sensitive periods for children. So there's certain stages where the child is very intrinsically interested in certain things. So, for example, children lining up things in a row. That's a sense of order in a way. Um, putting things away, repetition of different things in the home. You know, I've I've caught my two youngest, and now that I understand these things, doing different things and over and over and over, because repetition creates strength in those brain pathways. And I'm like, what is going on? I'm like, oh, it's a sensitive period. And then once the brain gets enough of whatever that is, all of a sudden they just stop. It's like, what? Wait, why aren't you doing that anymore? Um, so that's one of the things that she found. And it's it's very um interesting when you understand that because you can kind of see this like uh growth in these different areas. That sounded really stupid. I don't know what I'm saying. It do not okay. Um, she also found the absorbent mind, which is uh ages zero to six. Children in this age tend to absorb the environment, j not just what's going on around them, but also emotionally. And there's no effort in this, it just becomes a part of who they are, their foundation of their life. You know, between seven or eight is when our brain changes to the reasoning mind, like what me and you have. And for someone like me that would really love to learn Spanish, it's incredibly hard and I I keep giving up. So, but if I had learned Spanish maybe a zero to six, it would become a part of me. And that's why a lot of people do learn uh or have their children learn languages much earlier on because it's so much easier. Right. They might be a little bit delayed on one or the other, but in the end, it becomes a part of who they are and it's effortless for that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, that magical age you're talking about is, you know, when kids have these imaginations and anything is possible, and you ask them what they want to be when they grow up, and it's an astronaut or the president, you know, and then like little by little the world starts chipping away and they flip into that rational brain, and it's like all that goes away. And like it's so cool to start the the people have caught on to like that notion that, like, no, no, we need to protect and nurture that innocence and imagination for as long as you possibly can.

"I'm healing alongside my children."

SPEAKER_00

Keep our children, children, as long as we can. Yeah, absolutely. That's one of my mottos.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Well, and honestly, you know, for parents who didn't grow up in a regulated or emotionally safe home, what's the hopeful truth about healing and repair as you're in in going into this endeavor with Montessori?

SPEAKER_00

I think, uh, I mean, personally, what I've experienced is I'm healing alongside my children. And people, I think, are just kind of starting to understand that this is a thing. Like, I mean, this is the first time I've been a mom at this very age right now. Okay. You know, we're always talking about, oh, it's our child's first step, it's our child's first that, but like what us as parents, this is our first two. And it's not like we have some perfect guide to go by. And that's why this work is so important to me is we can always go back to connection. We can always go back to how are we talking to our children? How are we handling situations? Are we flipping our lid and freaking out because the towel was folded wrong?

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Or are we gonna just say, hey, you did it and you move on?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And that shows the connection and the capability within your relationship with your child.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I think it's important to add that if and when we do lose our shit, or we don't follow the the path or the suggestions to have grace for ourselves and remind our one another that, like, oh my gosh, I am a human being. Yes, and I'm not going to do this perfectly. It's kind of like what we were talking about at the very beginning, you know, that like every parent's gonna screw up. Absolutely. Take a little of the pressure off of doing everything perfectly.

SPEAKER_00

And yes, and repair is one of the strongest tools we have as parents in our toolbox. Repairing with your child and saying, hey, mom didn't didn't handle that well. Yeah. I'm gonna do better next time. That shows them that you are human too, that you make mistakes and that it's okay to make mistakes. Yeah. And that models that um behavior for your children, and especially that zero to six, it becomes part of them and they know it's okay to make mistakes because we are going to make mistakes the rest of our life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I don't know if you know anything about the Gottmans, but they they studied marriage and relationships, and they talk about, you know, it is uh inevitable that you will fight and argue in a marriage, but that it's how you repair that really is the most important. And that, and that is modeling, then of course, for your kids too, you know, like every part of our lives are being, like you said, watched and modeled and emulated. And so, like, learning to acknowledge when we've made a mistake or we've done something that, you know, is not authentic to who we really are, not

Focal Shift from Aesthetic to Mindset

SPEAKER_02

our highest and truest self with the T. Yeah. So I think this is kind of fun. Like when you uh stopped focusing on aesthetic and you started focusing on mindset, what changed in your home?

SPEAKER_00

Well, my house got a little bit messier. Um, and that's another part of me that I've really had to kind of let go. I mean, I have five kids.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And at one point, all of them were in the home all the time. Yeah. We didn't have all these activities going on the way that we do now. And it's messy. Yeah. And I just had, and my husband, he we just dads.

SPEAKER_02

I get it. I've got another child when it comes to that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So um really, it created an understanding and a mindset shift of peace. It it created more peace for us.

SPEAKER_02

I bet, you know, that's I'm still live with that. I just yelled at Scott this morning. He, you know, I just had the house cleaned yesterday. And so it's like, I just want one day where nobody's in the kitchen making messes, you know. So I'm kind of like the warden trying to keep you like, yes, you can be in the kitchen, but do not make anything. And this morning, he liked I don't know how, but streaks some milk down the fridge uh front of the fridge. And I'm like, going to talk. I'm like, do you not see that? So that I have yet to let go of. I've been a tough one. I've gotten better about like letting dishes sit in the sink and letting, you know, waiting till one of the kids gets home to unload the dishwasher, you know, versus, oh, I'll just do it because I can't stand it not being done.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, I've definitely improved, but

Where Can One Begin to Learn About Montessori?

SPEAKER_02

there's still plenty of work to do.

SPEAKER_00

Good for you. Yeah. You're doing it.

SPEAKER_02

If someone feels overwhelmed by all the information online, where should they truly begin? Like, what's a good first step for someone?

SPEAKER_00

Well, they should just get my book. Okay, no, I'm kidding. But not no, I'm a little serious. But um, I did create this book because of who I was back then when I first started. I wish I had a resource that just gave me these very beginning foundational steps of mindset shift for how to live Montessori in your home as a lifestyle. And um because there's just there's so much information out there. You don't know what's real and what's not, what's truly Montessori and what's just Montessori inspired. And once you go down this rabbit hole, you start to understand that there's all these knockoff ideas and things and da-da-da-da-da. Um, so this book that I've created, it it goes through these steps as a mindset shift, um, understanding child's developmental planes, and how can we kind of flip some of these scripts of how do we talk to our children in our homes and treat them as capable, independent little humans?

SPEAKER_02

I I I'm so happy for you. I'm so I know over the years it's been a journey of, you know, what is my purpose? What's Faye's purpose? And, you know, try and I love that you've tried all different things. I've tried a lot. You have. As have I, you know. Yeah, yes, you have. I feel like you this is really something then it's very clear that it lights you up and that you really believe in. And, you know, what what better way to sell something when you wholeheartedly believe in what you're selling?

SPEAKER_00

Right. And and it's something that I'm doing every day. Right. And and am I perfect? Absolutely not. And that's okay. I've learned to admit that I'm not. Yeah. Um, through this whole process, gotta set the pride aside.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, yeah, I I think that

Why Learning to Disagree Matters Today

SPEAKER_00

understanding just these foundational things is it's so important, and that's what I wanted to create for people out there.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Well, you you mentioned about sibling connection, and you've got, you know, quite a few. What does learning to disagree while staying connected mat why does it matter so much today?

SPEAKER_00

I think in this world that we live in right now, there's so much brokenness and disconnection. And to me, that's incredibly important. One because I'm estranged from my sister right now because of some of that. And um, it is such a gift in America that we can have our own opinions, beliefs, and feelings about things. And I want my children to know that, but no matter what, at the end of the day, they have each other.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And how we treat them as parents, as siblings, like together as siblings, can shape their bond later in life. And um it it's it's a hard subject from for me with my sister. I just I don't want my children to live that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And there's still hope and there's still love um between us, but um I think that some of our earlier years in our childhood, uh, you know, after my my father passed, that shaped the resilience ability for us as siblings for later in life. Yeah. You know, when there's disagreement, instead of just cutting each other off, I want my children to be able to work through it and know, hey, I still love you and I'm still here for you. We can think differently, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02

That's wild. Yeah, I'm something my mom would always say to me, because it it bothers a mother when their children aren't getting along, their adult children, you know. Obviously, in the home, it's different. Like, don't treat your sister like that and don't hit, you know, that's different than adult children. Right. But it still is hard for the parent to to deal with that, right? And so it always bothered my mom when my brother and I were to have a disagreement or we'd be angry with one another. But the reality is like my mom and dad are gonna pass away sooner than my brother and I. And it will be the longest relationship I've ever had with anyone. Yeah. And so nurturing and maintaining that relationship is and has become a really big part of my life. And I and I know your sister and I know the situation.

SPEAKER_00

And if she's listening, Liz, come back home. Come on home. I love you. Yeah, love you. Um, yeah, you know, I and I I think that like I like I was saying it, shaping that as a parent when they're younger is just so important. Um, you know, not creating creating healthy competition, not pitting each other against one another. And when they do have, you know, arguments, help them work through it. What kind of language do we use when we we work through different things? Teach them, model it. And um, that's things that I do in my home, you know, for my my little two. I tell them you're best friends for life. And that's something that they have like latched onto, and they really do treat each other that way. Yeah. And they they love each other so much. And I I've love seeing that blossom. And I think that that fills a little piece of me that's missing right now.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. It's I look at my family and all the different relationships, because we have the the wide range of ages too. You know, I mean, we're grandparents now, but seeing it's really beautiful to watch each of them have their own unique relationship with one another. And yeah, in a blessed or a blessed, in a blended family, we're you know, we are super lucky because they all genuinely like each other. You know, we've been navigating all this stuff for our will, and it's stirred up a lot of like what ifs and we do not great feelings about dying, you know, but we all are going to transition at some point. And, you know, my hope is that these kids will continue to focus and work on these bonds because it

The Core Message of Faye's Book

SPEAKER_02

is fundamental to their life's experience. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I agree.

SPEAKER_02

So let's go back to your book a little bit. What is the core message of your book, Montessori as a lifestyle?

SPEAKER_00

My core message is it's not about the things. When you want to bring Montessori in your home, it doesn't have to be getting the wooden toys, it doesn't have to be getting the shelf. You don't even have to start there. It's about the mindset shift. And it's giving parents that language for that. And what does that look like? What does it feel like? How are we flipping some of these? These scripts of how we treat our children in our home. You know, we all are handed a blueprint from our parenting experience as children. And sometimes it's not what we asked for. And when we become conscious and understand that, we can change and we can change, you know, shift our minds to a different way of thinking that creates resilient, capable, independent,

Weaving Faith into Montessori Practice

SPEAKER_00

confident children that are lifelong learners. That's what that's what I'm trying to do here.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I think that's great. You know, many people don't realize that Montessori's writings were deeply spiritual. Why was it important to you to weave faith back into the conversation?

SPEAKER_00

Um, several of her books were incredibly spiritual in the sense of talking about the spirit of the child. Um, she was Catholic. I'm also Catholic. Um, but a lot of those writings were all taken out many years ago throughout her books or softened. Um, I think for, you know, larger consumption, or that's my guess. I think there's like one publisher that still has her books as they truly were. Um, and later in my life, I have found faith again. I think through my hardships and my trauma and things growing up, um, you know, I've I lost that that piece of me. And I, again, in this modern world, we're so there's so much heartache and um disconnection. I think faith brings people together in a different way.

Faye's Message to Parents Who Feel Behind

SPEAKER_00

And I wanted to bring that back to Montessori because it's it's not out there. A lot of people have no idea.

SPEAKER_02

If a parent is listening and they feel overwhelmed, behind or discouraged, what would you want them to hear?

SPEAKER_00

I would want them to know they're not behind. I want them to know that it's never too late. Even when it feels impossible, when it feels hard, and you feel like you just want to fall on the floor, you can figure it out, you can repair, you can choose to do different. But it's that curiosity that you never want to let that flame go out. You keep staying curious and you're gonna keep growing and you're gonna keep that connection with your children.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And keep moving forward.

SPEAKER_02

I think that that's important for parents to hear,

What Faye Would Tell Her Younger Self

SPEAKER_02

certainly mothers, you know. Give yourself grace. Yeah. Yeah. What's something you now understand about parenting and happiness that you wish you could tell your younger self?

SPEAKER_00

Just let go of the towel folding. Um, yeah, just I I think people like me, I've always kind of identified as like a type A person, um, which is, you know, controlling, detail-oriented, and not everybody's that way, and that's okay. There's room for everyone. That's fine. If someone doesn't want to get this done that way, that's okay. And letting go of that control because when I'm able to let go of the control, that's when I find more joy.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I always tell my children always search for joy because where there's joy, there's love.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, and it's you're in that divine feminine when we're flowing and we're not doing and checking things off our list and na na na. Those things masculine, you know, then it's so easy to receive and see how effortless life can actually be. And of course we need both. Right. But stepping into

Outro

SPEAKER_02

that and just flowing is amazing. It is. It's so good. It feels good. Where can listeners connect with you and learn more about your work?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um, so I mean, I'm always posting on social on Instagram, Faye.themontymama um and TikTok. And you can also find my parent coaching information on www.faycore.com. And um I have links for my book and on those platforms.

SPEAKER_02

Perfect. And when this releases, we'll make sure that we have all that information so people can go and find this, all the new and existing mothers out there that have an interest in this work. Well, I want to thank you for coming and sharing not only about Montessori, but a little bit about you and what led you to this Montessori school way. And uh, I just thank you very much for being here. I love you to pieces.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. I love you too, Hoof Sister.

Head Shot

Lindsay Mars

Host