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Learning to Be Unbothered & Truly Happy w/ Diane Walker | Ep. 25 [NEW]

• Lindsay Mars

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Diane Walker’s story is one of deep transformation from years of negative self-talk, body shame, survival mode, drinking and toxic relationships to a life rooted in peace, joy, nature, healing and self-love.

In this conversation, Diane shares how Reiki, plant medicine, meditation and deep self-reflection helped her completely shift the way she experiences life. She opens up about body image struggles, domestic violence, healing alongside her children, and learning how to become “unbothered” by the chaos around her.

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00:00 - Intro
00:41 - How Diane Defines Happiness
01:55 - The Evolution of Diane Today
03:07 - Gender Differences with Body Discomfort
07:15 - Diane's Life in Her Hardest Season
10:08 - The Beginning of Diane's Body Image Struggles
11:23 - Connection of Body, Trauma & Relationships
13:12 - The Life of a Single Mom
17:23 - Diane's Battle of Domestic Violence & Her Advice
24:12 - Diane's Gradual Shift Led by Plant Medicine
29:21 - Beliefs Diane Had to Unlearn in Her Journey
35:12 - "Nothing about life changed, but I changed."
39:03 - How Others Showed Up During Diane's Healing
44:40 - What Having a Good Relationship with Yourself Looks Like
45:33 - How to Create Ease in Your Life
46:26 - What Diane Would Say to Her Past Self
47:00 - Diane's Advice to Those Wanting to Heal
47:58 - What's Next for Diane?
49:56 - Outro

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ABOUT KNOW HAPPINESS
A series for people seeking alternative therapy, treatments and activities that create long-lasting happiness. Follow along so you can Know Happiness.

#knowhappiness #podcast #plantmedicine #bodyimagehealing

Intro

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to No Happiness, a podcast where we seek, find, and sustain happiness in some of the most unusual places. Today I'm joined with Diane. Diane is a Reiki master, Mama D, known to our spiritual community, and of course, mother to three beautiful children, and a dear, dear friend to me. Welcome, Diane. Thank you. It's been a long time coming having you on. So I'm really grateful that you made some time for us to share about your life and your experiences because they're pretty incredible. Yes.

How Diane Defines Happiness

SPEAKER_00

So the very first question I ask all my guests is what is happiness to you?

SPEAKER_02

I think happiness is like a state of bliss for me. Kind of like when the sun shines on your face and there's like a little bit of wind and you're just in nature. I just like that feeling of bliss.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that sounds amazing. And I I can totally relate to that feeling and also to it being in nature. Yes. It seems like you're so, or I'll speak for myself, so capable of reaching that blissful, peaceful, happy place out amongst the trees and nature.

SPEAKER_02

In nature. Like on the weekends when I get to sleep in, and then I take mojo for a walk through the park. Like I literally could almost like burst into tears. I'm so happy. I'm just like, this is my happy place. I love it so much.

SPEAKER_00

Do you ever get that way? I, you know, when you said burst into tears, there are moments when I'll be driving and the sun is shining. And it's like I feel more connected to source, spirit, God, whatever you call it, that it brings tears to my eyes.

SPEAKER_02

And like a that breath.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That deep breath of just connection.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I love it.

SPEAKER_00

So

The Evolution of Diane Today

SPEAKER_00

let's get into getting to know Diane. So for listeners meeting you for the first time, how would you describe who you are beyond your roles and your responsibilities?

SPEAKER_02

I would say I'm like a sporty spice kind of girl. I love my sports. I I love to be happy and joyful and laugh. Um, it's just been it's been fun to get to know that part of me now.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna say, because we've known each other going on about three years, I believe. And the Diane that I met originally to the Diane today, there's just been such an evolution. Yeah. And I have adopted your I'm in toddler mode after our vacations of where you just like I don't want to make any decisions, I just want to relax and go with the flow. Yeah. So it's really awesome to see that that that's not just on vacation, that's now an everyday practice for you.

SPEAKER_02

It really is. And it's just like not buying into everybody's unhappiness. And there can be unhappiness and chaos all around me. And I'm just like, I'm in my little mode, I'm in my happy mode, and it's sustainable.

Gender Differences with Body Discomfort

SPEAKER_00

So when you hear the word happiness, how do you think like what does that mean to you today?

SPEAKER_02

It means like no negative self-chatter ever. I just really don't have it anymore. I used to be negative self-chatter all the time. I don't, I don't have it anymore. Like if I'm thinking about something, I'm like thinking about like what I'm gonna do next. Am I going to tennis? Um, just getting through my day at work. But it's not even anything negative about myself in the work, just like the tasks that I have to do at work. Where before it used to be like, oh, I'm so tired, or oh, the negative thoughts about myself, like, oh, my hair looks this way, or I don't, I look ugly, or you know, I don't fit in in this room. And it there's nothing about that anymore.

SPEAKER_00

Where do you think that that like was it a moment and a shift? Or do you feel like that has just snowballed from all the work that you've done up until it's been a snowball?

SPEAKER_02

And like I started like in the beginning, just getting energy work, you know, weekly. And just I think as you elevate yourself in your vibration, it just doesn't feel good to think bad thoughts about yourself. And then like when you're talking to people, you're like, oh, like I could help them by telling them, like, hey, if you have a bad thought about yourself, flip it and you know, think something good. And you're just like, oh, yeah, right. But no, it really works. And then all of a sudden, it's that simple. And then all of a sudden, there's no more bad thoughts that you're thinking about yourself when it used to be all day, every day. Incessant. Incessant.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. That's beautiful, and I think so important, especially for women, to hear that, because it seems to me from where I'm sitting that it it really is a struggle most women share.

SPEAKER_02

For sure. And especially like with our bodies. And I don't know why. And I don't know whether it's our generation or it's just everybody, but I knew always that anything wrong that happened to me was because of my body. Because of the way that I looked. I was too fluffy, I was too ugly, I was too whatever, and it was always that. And I never fit in to any, like, I would walk into a room and I'd be like, oh, they're looking at me, they think I'm fat. Like, and I would like take myself out of the rooms or the situations because it was so uncomfortable for me. Because I just was so uncomfortable in my body. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I can relate to that. And I don't even think it's a generational thing, I just think it's a gender thing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I think so much influence is placed on a woman's physical appearance. And I don't know that that's changing. I mean, we think we've made a little progress and there's these movements to be more body conscious conscious, but then it's like it ebbs back, and now it's like the super skinny Ozimpic craze, you know, like so, but it's always about a body type for women.

SPEAKER_02

It's for women. It's we think that the men want the skinny women, and that's not the case. Yeah, they want a happy woman. So if you're beating yourself up over being not thin enough, not pretty enough, like that is the energy that you're vibing out to them. Yeah. And I'm just learning this. Like I thought, again, like I wasn't skinny enough or pretty enough or whatever. No, it was your vibe, girl, that you were talking to yourself with a negative vibe, and they picked up on that vibe. Yeah. And so it has nothing to do with that. And I see so many people that are normal sizes or even just a little bit, you know, larger than the stick figure that are so happy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Because they love themselves.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, confidence.

SPEAKER_02

Confidence.

SPEAKER_00

Confidence vibrates really high. You know, I was just thinking the other day about the difference of like how I used to be in a bathing suit and how I would scurry to get into the pool because I did not want people to. When you got into the pool? Yeah. I never got in anything. And it drew so much attention. Like the very thing I was hoping to avoid, I was creating. Right. You know, because I looked weird. I look like some kind of creature scurrying around in the night, you know? Right. Versus today I just get up and I don't care if you're looking at me and if you are judging me, you're not my person and it doesn't matter. And that's more of a them than a you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely.

Diane's Life in Her Hardest Season

SPEAKER_02

So take us back.

SPEAKER_00

What was life like in one of your hardest seasons?

SPEAKER_02

Heavy, really heavy. Um, and I was like drinking and smoking and just being like cranky, chip on my shoulder, working all the time, tired, just could never, I felt like I couldn't catch a break. And I felt like everywhere I looked, like everybody else's life was easier than mine. And I was like, what are they doing to catch a break in this life? Because I can't catch one. And it just felt heavy, really heavy.

SPEAKER_00

How did that experience impact the way you saw yourself and your worth? It kind of feels like that was all factoring into that.

SPEAKER_02

Right. I mean, like I was doing everything I could just to medicate myself into oblivion, just so that I couldn't, you know, I didn't want to feel this feeling of heaviness, the anger, the disappointment in my life, in myself, in who I was. And so the more I felt bad about myself, the more I drank, the more I smoked, the more I, you know, was cranky about it.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Well, and it is interesting, like the very thing that we feel like would make us better, you know, being in better physical and spiritual mental shape, we're avoiding, right? We're doing the opposite of it, right, you know, and making excuses and playing kind of that victim role, like, oh, my life is so miserable, even though we were at the center of it. We were the common denominator. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. But you couldn't tell me that back then. No. At all. Was that like back when you first met Christy?

SPEAKER_02

Was that before that? Yeah. So I probably I spent like 15 years in that cycle. And then I met Christy. And then, you know, within a couple months of meeting her, I was going every week to see her and having my energy sessions. And within two months, I quit smoking and slowed down on my drinking. But the quitting smoking, like after it was just my vibration was not a lot in alignment with that. And I mean, I after smoking for 30 years, I just put it down.

SPEAKER_00

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's incredible.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it was so good. So, how did you meet Christy? How did that? I I don't think I ever have asked. It was like a friend of a friend. One of my, you know, one of my best friends growing up, her mom like got in connection with her and she gave her to me for a birthday present one year. No way. Yeah. And so then, like a year later, I was like, you know, I think I want to quit smoking. She goes, Before you go to Florida and to camp, you know, for $3,000, why don't you try Christy? And I was like, okay. Boom. Two months later.

SPEAKER_00

Wow. Way less than $3,000. Yeah. And a beautiful friendship. And like, look at how like the community you built around that. Yes. She doesn't even know. She doesn't even know.

SPEAKER_02

She's I do tell her she knows that she saved my life for sure. She

The Beginning of Diane's Body Image Struggles

SPEAKER_02

did.

SPEAKER_00

So you've shared struggles about your body image. Where do you think that story began?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, when I was little, when I was really little, like when I would go to a relative's house, they'd pinch my cheeks really hard and be like, oh, you have so the fattest cheeks ever. And I was like, I do. And then like that put that idea in my head. But also I had um thyroid issues. And so my thyroid stopped working when I was in third grade, so eight. And I it was went undiagnosed until I was 12. So I was four years without any um medication. I missed my growing years. So like my brother's 6'4, my sister's 5'7, I'm 5'2. I missed like significant growing years. And so I was, you know, as you know, like you're not growing, but you're you're expanding because I'm retaining water and my skin's brown and my hair's falling out. And uh once they figured out like the endocrinologist, um, and they found out it was my thyroid and I got medicated, I you know, thinned out. And so the kids at school who used to make fun of me were now my friends. And so I was like, oh, fat, no friends, skinny friends. Wow. Mm-hmm. And that was it.

SPEAKER_00

You that yeah, it would make sense, especially in a 12-year-old's mind. Yep. That it was it's just that simple. It's that simple.

Connection of Body, Trauma & Relationships

SPEAKER_00

In what ways did you connect your body to your trauma or your relationships?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that was always hard for me. I really just honestly just thought I wasn't if it didn't work out, I just always blame my body. I was like, I I I could be running, you know, five miles in the morning at 3 15 in the morning before I went to work at five o'clock to um, I I was bulimic for 35 years and I blamed everything, not being skinny enough, not being, you know, pretty enough. You know, I'll I'll repeat it through this whole thing, I'm sure. I just always blamed my body for whatever it is. And it's funny because one of my counselors was like, you know, that like Oprah was really successful and she was not a small woman. And I was just like, I mean, that's just Oprah. But over here, I'm different. I'm different and special and unique. I did not want to hear that at all. You know, because that was what I blamed everything on. And like thinking about it now, like I I like I'm so, you know, I've forgiven myself, but it's just like how hard I was on my body, and she kept showing up for me. Yeah, she did, like, and how strong she is, even though I was like mean mugging her every day, you know. So mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00

Now, how do you think those beliefs affected your friendships, relationships, or how you showed up in life?

SPEAKER_02

Well, it was just like I I mean, I I didn't have a lot of friendships. I had my family, I worked, and so I just think I put my head down and was just like trying to get through the years, like survive.

SPEAKER_00

Do you do you think that you didn't want to be seen? I did not want to be. You were trying to hide.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I was not trying to be seen. I was just, I had a couple friends and that was it. Um, and I had my kiddos and just raising them and you know, trying to be a good mom, but it was

The Life of a Single Mom

SPEAKER_02

hard.

SPEAKER_00

You often describe your life as so hard. But what did it look like day to day as a single mom?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, it was rough. You know, I just had I had to figure out daycare every day for my kids, get that lined up, get to work by 5:30, um, race around after work to pick up the kids or get them from where they were going for their extracurricular activity, make sure that I had my two margaritas strong going, you know, while I was trying to get them where they were going and, you know, get them home, get them ready for bed, and then try and get some sleep. You know, it just was it was hard. It was it was the same thing over and over, like every day.

SPEAKER_00

Well, uh, you know, it reminds me of my mother, and she had to be at work before I could go to school. My brother went to daycare at that time. He was younger, and she'd just take him in with her. Uh, but for me, I had to sit in a donut shop by myself at, you know, seven, eight years old and get myself to school. So I can completely, I have so much compassion for being a single mother and how much is you know, when you have a job where it's there's not a lot of leeway. There's no flexibility. Yeah. Like you were to be at work on time every day.

SPEAKER_02

Every day.

SPEAKER_00

Uh how'd you make that work?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, how'd you not successfully, to be honest, you know. So when the kids were little, like my mom and uh the kid's dad, the mom would come over and uh get them off to school. Um, but you know, that it's not it's not your I always wanted to do it, but I couldn't. I had to had to be gone. And so, you know, but then when they got a little bit older, they got themselves up. They got themselves up and got on the bus because I was long gone by then. And I was also in bed. Like I would get them ready for bed. And sometimes they were in bed before me, sometimes I was in bed before them, you know, which later on in the years.

SPEAKER_00

We're gonna get to that. As my mom says, it's always the mother's fault.

SPEAKER_02

It is well, and we tell ourselves that too, you know, like nobody could be harder on me being a mom than myself.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I do know now that I parented from a place of trauma. You know, and going through all of my healing journeys and plant medicine journeys and things like that, things that you block out from your childhood. Um, you know, I was sexually abused when I was younger. And, you know, this was all blocked out and just came to fruition, which I also believe, you know, um affected my body issues. Like I didn't want to be seen at all. And then you think about it, you think you're thyroid, and you think, oh, the thing that you couldn't use to save yourself, your voice, now that's gone, you know. So isn't that fascinating?

SPEAKER_00

It's so fascinating. And it also, just as you were saying that, I'm thinking subconsciously, you probably knew if I make myself fluffier and I, you know, go inward, I won't be noticed, I'll be left alone. Alone, i.e., men or or women, whomever would be, would not sexually assault me. Right. Which is insane. Right. But I that totally makes sense.

SPEAKER_02

Or babies, we have no idea how you know how to deal with such a situation.

SPEAKER_00

So yeah, and I think like for me with the sexual assault, it was like I was finally getting attention paid to me. This was a time when my dad and mom got divorced and my dad wasn't there. And so, like, that attention from my grandfather felt good, even though it was icky and I didn't really like it, it it was still attention, right? You know, and I was so desperate for a man's attention, yeah, and how that then played out for many, many years. Pay attention to me. So even though the emotions were the same as ours, look at how different they were expressed. Right.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, because I was like, don't pay attention to me, like get away from me. Yeah, and so and so I that I made it so.

Diane's Battle of Domestic Violence & Her Advice

SPEAKER_00

So I know you were in um a pretty toxic relationship. I think it's important for other women who are listening to maybe share some of that experience if you feel comfortable with that.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. Um, so I didn't love myself at all. And I didn't I thought that this was the only relationship that I would be in ever, you know, because that was all I was worthy of. And it was a domestic violence situation. Um and it went on for a long time. I have kids with uh him, so then it lasted even longer. But the the biggest thing that I've learned over time is that I manifested him into my life to keep me down and keep me at that certain level because I didn't love myself. And so if I have somebody who's beating me down, air quotes, you know, um, then I'm keeping myself at that low point. I'm never gonna come back up. And it wasn't until I started being a little more successful at work that I gained the confidence to, okay, well, maybe I don't have to be in this situation anymore. But I just think it's really important for women to understand and know that as you work on yourself, your vibration gets a little bit higher, and then you don't feel like having to endure that anymore. You know, and so I just I that was the biggest message that I wanted people to know is that like I understand and know that I manifested that. So I take responsibility for that for myself and forgive myself for that. Um, I know that he showed up as that dastardly person in my life at that time because I manifested that. He mirrored that for me. Yeah, he fulfilled that role. He fulfilled that role.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I think that's gonna be a very bitter pill for a lot of women to accept and to swallow is like that they are responsible. Yeah, and that because if you think of it in the other way, if you are a very secure, stable, confident woman, do you think that that's going to attract a person that beats you down both mentally, physically? Probably not, because the moment you meet them, your body's gonna say, that's a no. It wouldn't go any further. No, thank you. You know, you wouldn't get into that situation if you felt good about who you are. And so that's like uh it is a hard pill to swallow.

SPEAKER_02

But something that I learned along my healing journey too is that like we have a soul family that we all sign up and we have contracts and we come to this earth, and there's there's a lot of people that want to sign up to be your friend in the lifetime. Nobody wants to be the dastardly bad guy. So, what kind of best friend is it of yours, best soul family, best friend, that would sign up to be the abusive partner in your life? They're your best friend on the other side because nobody wants to be the bad guy in this life. Right. And so I can look at that and situation and be like, okay, you know what? That's right. You know, nobody wants to be the bad guy. And this person who must be a best friend of mine in my soul family to sign up for to be the bad guy in my life for almost my whole life, right? Right for your evolution, for my evolution to help me, right? And so if I think about it that way, there's a lot of forgiveness that comes through, you know.

SPEAKER_00

That's really beautiful. And I also think, too, that when we can learn to have compassion for those who harm us, for sure, because again, they're coming from a wounded place as well. Hurt people hurt people, they do. It's cliche, but it's so very true.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And it doesn't mean you accept or condone the behavior, but you can understand it. For sure.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, I parented from a place of trauma. He was uh a husband and father from a place of trauma. So um, you know, and and how we communicate now is delightful.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I think that that is so miraculous, and I think it's important for people to understand that it is so possible. It is possible when you do the work and you really look at your role in everything that has occurred in your life and take accountability for that, how things can shift. I mean, it seems you have a pretty amicable relationship with him, and he'll forever be anchored in your life because he's your children's father. Right. So the fact that you now have a relationship where you Have to be best friends, right? But you can certainly co-parent. We coexist. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And what did he do in this situation? Nothing. He's still the same person, but I worked on me. And so when there's fights between him and and I'm fights, you know, just like arguments between the kids and him. I used to be very invested. I would have a visceral reaction to it. And now I'm like, well, that's their dad. They've got to learn that it's their journey. So that that's what that has everything to do with them and nothing to do with me. And so then I became unbothered by it. And now, you know, nothing affects me that has to do with them.

SPEAKER_00

I think that is absolutely incredible and it's super inspiring. And for women who are listening who are in a relationship, and it may not even have to be domestic violence. Right. It can just be a relationship that you know in your heart of hearts isn't for you. Right. And yet you keep hanging in there for, you know, whether it's being afraid to be alone or that you won't find another person, or this is as good as you're gonna get, or all the stories we tell ourselves that the self-betrayal, you know, is real. And until that shifts, you'll stay stuck in that loop and on that wheel forever.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Something that I see a lot of is like people are so dependent, their happiness is so dependent on their partner. Like if you're in a good mood, or if you treat me right, or if you do what I ask you to do, or you don't, or do you you do this? And really it's like how you are to yourself. Because they're just mirroring, right? They're mirroring what you feel about yourself. So if you just turn the spotlight back on yourself and you just work on yourself being happy, they're gonna show up different.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I am pure proof of that, you know. So you just like you, all of all of women, you know, just take care of yourself and just be happy and wake up and just start the day with joy and gratitude.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Stay in your lane. Stay in your lane.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

If they're doing something you don't like, don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Don't worry about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Great advice.

Diane's Gradual Shift Led by Plant Medicine

SPEAKER_00

What started to shift for you all those years ago? Was there like a specific moment or was it more gradual?

SPEAKER_02

It was more gradual, like I wanted to quit smoking. And, you know, uh, a man that I'd been seeing, uh we saw each other on and off, and he got married, and I had no idea he was even seeing somebody else. So that was delightful. And so at that point, I was like, there is something going on here. I really need to start paying attention to myself. And I think I was like, I I need some help, really some help. And I wasn't getting it doing what I was doing. So um, yeah, I just really started uh going on healing journeys and plant medicine. Uh I also think plant medicine is a game changer.

SPEAKER_00

It really is. It it is such a powerful tool. And I say tool because it is you cannot solely rely on medicine to heal or fix your life, right? But it is it can fast track things in a way. I mean, it can be 10 10 years of therapy in a night. Literally. Yeah. But it's the like applying the the insights and downloads and and gifts that you were given during that time and going and putting them into action. And that's a much is a more challenging to do. It's like all these aha moments. Oh, this is why I do that. This is where this came from. Right. And then it's like right back to the same behavior.

SPEAKER_02

Right. You know. And if you like, there's a lot of things you black out and you don't remember. And so being able to be shown those things through the plant medicine process, being seen it, then you can, okay, I I wasn't aware that that happened. And then dealing with it, and then your body's like, okay, great, we don't have to hang on to this anymore. Yeah. And so that's what that's been one of my favorite things, and going through it with my daughter, and some of my kiddos just have experienced it as well. And I just watching them heal through that as well has been like the best part of my life.

SPEAKER_00

I fully agree. You know, doing plant medicine with my child has been so healing for our relationship because it offers you the opportunity for both people, really.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But especially as a mother, there's an um oh uh defensiveness that comes up, you know. Even though we know what they're they're saying is true, but it's it's like, uh, it's really hard to hear. And when you're in a ceremony and this is brought to you, it's like the reaction is just okay. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Yes. I'm gonna really work to make sure you feel that that is not the truth. That's not that's not what I meant by that, or that's not how I was really feeling. You know, like it just gives you such an opportunity to change courses.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and it's more important to me that they're healing than the words that they're gonna tell me that might or might not hurt my feelings.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And over time I found that even the things that I thought would hurt my feelings, I'm just so glad that she was able to get it out and then doesn't have to hold on to it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, and let's face it, Diane, there's nothing we can do about the past. Right. You know, I'm quite confident I was not ready to be a mother when I became a mother, you know. I don't know that anybody necessarily is, but I certainly was not, you know. I was pretty deep in my addictions and had not dealt with any traumas and, you know, just kind of did what I want when I wanted and hurt a lot of people along the way. And, you know, it was like I found myself pregnant and was like, oh, what now? I don't know what to do with all of this, you know. So, and I I've talked about this before on the show, the difference between me parenting Ella and me parenting Calder. They got two different moms, essentially.

SPEAKER_02

My kids say the exact same thing. Like the twins got a different mom than uh Alana got. Yeah, and I hear that all the time. They're like before healing, after healing.

SPEAKER_00

Right. So and I guess the story, the moral of that is like, thank God. Right. You know, like thank God there was a catalyst, there was a change, you know. And so we get to look at our children as they go become parents, and they get to stop a lot of that from being passed on. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

And also we got to share with the ones who didn't get the before heal or the after healing, we got to share the medicine journeys with them to help rewire their nervous system, too.

SPEAKER_00

Really is a beautiful opportunity for families. And I highly recommend it. If you feel the call, family psychedelics. Exactly.

Beliefs Diane Had to Unlearn in Her Journey

SPEAKER_00

What beliefs did you have to unlearn along the way?

SPEAKER_02

Well, the single thing that I learned along the way. Um, well, even just like uh as you grow up and your parents aren't don't parent the way you think that you should be parented and you're angry at them, and just the body issues, and you're trying to do it over. And you know, I as a mom, I didn't want to parent the way that my parents parented, so I parented different. And so uh they're like, oh, you're the almond mom. Like you would send a salad to because I didn't want, I did not want them to have any body issues. And so I I didn't feed them, so they wouldn't have any body issues. So you just rejected that, rejected it. Here's one almond. Here's exactly here's a salad, here's one leaf of lettuce. But so I did the opposite to my kids. Yeah. And so I think like now we've discussed it and we've learned that their kids are not gonna, that food's just not gonna be an issue. Yeah. And, you know, I will tell you over all the years, and I am 55 years old, and and I'm like the happiest I've been in my life. But the very last plant medicine journey that we have, I literally saw the book closed and the bow tied on my body issues. Like they're just never gonna be there again. Wow. I and and I exactly like I am was so happy about it. And I'm like, I could eat, drink, do whatever, and my body will not betray me ever again.

SPEAKER_00

Boy, that feels like freedom.

SPEAKER_02

Freedom. I mean, so free. Yeah, like I just don't think about it anymore. It's never anything that is in my mind at all.

SPEAKER_00

Uh, you know, I think I'm in the space where the the the comments are far less and far often. Uh and they, but when they do arise, I know what to do with them. Right. You know, I'm not gonna feed into it, I'm not gonna say it out loud, you know, because you give it energy, right? It becomes so much bigger than you are. And I'm certainly not perfect, but it's very inspiring to hear that like it's it's just not even a consideration.

SPEAKER_02

Not at all. It's and and you know, uh the the last medicine journey was just like a month or two ago. And so it's taken all of this time, like a decade, you know, of this healing to do that. But at some point, it's done. Yeah, that portion of it is absolutely done, complete, complete, and so now I'm not having to search and continue like to find things wrong with myself to heal. I'm just currently complete, yeah, which feels so good and light.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you do feel lighter to me. Your energy just feels just not that I ever thought your energy wasn't, but there's just something different. Yeah, it is different, which is just so cool to like watch this group of our soul family just watch everybody expand and grow into these kick-ass people. Yeah, you know, that's so fun. It it is. You just see growth, and I guess you better, right? Oh yeah, you don't be left behind. Yeah, you know, I mean, obviously not everybody's along for the ride, but right the ones we've remained friends and close with, it seems like it's just up from here, you know. But I also like to realizing like I'm in this space right now where it's like there's nothing to heal, there's nothing to fix. I've done a lot of work, and I'm gonna just coast for a little bit. Right, you know, they'll enjoy it. Yeah. I'm not searching for the next certification, and you know, I I will always have a desire and hunger for knowledge and to understand myself and the world better. That's never going to go away. I agree. But it doesn't feel like it's this race to the top, you know, that it's just, you know, I'm the eagle kind of gliding across the lake. A really pretty eagle.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. But no, even just the longevity piece. It's like I think, you know, we get to an age where we're just like, we're satisfied, we're we feel at peace. And for me now, it's just like, okay, so now like what are these great things that I can do to take care of myself? And I want to live forever. I want to see everybody forever. And, you know, the food, the red light therapy, the peptides, like I could go down that rabbit hole all day long. Like I love all of it. You know, I want one of everything. And just because I feel so good, you know, and I just want to continue. I I want everybody else to feel so good.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, so oh, I so agree.

SPEAKER_00

And I feel like I feel like I'm just hitting my strides. Like this is just the tip of the iceberg. There's so much more my life has, you know, I I have yet to accomplish. And totally. And physically, mentally, spiritually, all of it. So this notion that getting old sucks. And yeah, I'm just not gonna buy into it.

SPEAKER_02

I don't buy into it at all.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm not going to speak it into existence either. You know, I'm I'm having some elbow problems at the moment, and it's not particularly fun. And I shared that with my mom, and it's like, she said, uh, it just sucks getting old, doesn't it? And I was like, uh no, I don't want to adopt that mentality. Yeah, you know, yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_02

I want to just I I like have a mantra to myself, and I think I told you this, it's just like every cell in my body is happy, healthy, whole, and young.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I just like I mantra that all the time when I walk around. Say that again. Uh, every cell in my body is happy, healthy, healed, and whole and young.

SPEAKER_00

Aho. Uh-oh.

"Nothing about life changed, but I changed."

SPEAKER_00

So you said something really powerful that your life on the outside didn't really change, but your experience of it did. Can you explain that?

SPEAKER_02

I am still working the same job that I've worked uh for 26 years. So nothing about that's changed. I still have three children. They are a little bit older, but I wake up and I'm happy. I I like literally describe it to people as you know, that cartoon where you have two people sitting on the bus and one guy's looking out over here and he sees this horrible, cloudy, rainy, and another guy looking over here and he sees like the sunshine. Like I just see sunshine. Like that is how my life has changed now. Nothing, nothing about the life has changed, but I've changed. And my so then what happens is is like I manifest things or like I manifested my house. And I live in this, you know, beautiful house that I love. I manifested that uh I play tennis now. I just like all these things occur. And I think like as you feel better about yourself, people, places, and things show up for you that help you move along. And so I think like I'm lucky. I mean, I've done all this work, and so am I lucky? Maybe, maybe I'm not. I don't know. But I've worked in such a way that I expect my my day to be great every day. I expect it to be great. And even if it's not great, I'm not like the complainer, you know, is victim. Oh, this is all happening to me. It's like, okay, well, what can we do to shift this? And I'm not gonna hold on to it. And lots of things have been happening in my family. Like, you know, my sister's ill, my mom's had some uh stuff, and my like my brother, everybody's had some stuff going on. And at first I bought into it, and then I was like, well, wait a minute, that's not mine. And so I'm I I'm not going to viscerally react to these things anymore. And so I can be the observer and I can have compassion that these people are going through these things and send love, but it's not gonna impact my day to day and how I choose to live my life, being grateful that I'm healthy and being grateful that my kids are healthy and everybody around me, you know? And so I just, yeah, it's just a different uh, it feels good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and let's face it, it takes just as much energy to think things aren't gonna work out or life is shit or whatever as it does to think of all the possibilities. So good. And it's never too late to start the day over. You really get to decide. I mean, the other day it was like one thing after an X, you know, just things were not going my way. And I have had proclivities to complain or be irritated and like, oh my God, what a day. And I literally just laughed. I said, okay, you got me. Clearly, patience is being tested today, you know, and surprise, surprise, things just shifted and my day got better. You know, it's like, what you what what are you feeding today?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And you could get upset about it and you could be angry about it, or you could just go with it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you would have a right to be upset from the outside looking in and be like, damn, you've really had a shitty day.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. You know, but yesterday the dealership delivered the car to my they had an oil change. They delivered the car back to the Ford plant for me. And I went at the end of my day, 4 30, to get in my car. There was no key. And they swore the key's in it. And so we went back and forth, blah, blah. And I could have been really upset about it. But they came, they picked me up, took me all the way home, got my key, brought me back. And again, that was another hour and a half out of my day that I didn't have. And I could have been really upset about it. And I was just like joyfully talking to the little old lady who was driving me back and forth, and we just had a delightful conversation. And so it it could have been, you know, a horrible thing, but I didn't make it that way. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Love to hear these kinds of things.

How Others Showed Up During Diane's Healing

SPEAKER_00

So, do you think your healing changed the way others showed up towards you and for you?

SPEAKER_02

For sure. I mean, my children show up differently, their dad shows up differently. We could barely even speak to each other. Like, I saw this thing where I think it was a llama where it was like hissing at somebody and then spit at him. And so I was like, that could be me, like at him. Like I would have, like I had so much disdain for him back in the day. And now we get along well. He's not done any healing work himself. Um, but he just shows up differently. And like when I need somebody to watch my dog, he volunteers to watch my dog. Which is so loves my dog. So now we don't, we don't exchange kids anymore because they're too old for that. Right. Now we exchange the dog. Yeah every week he watches mojo on Fridays when I'm working. So it's just this delightful exchange. And I don't expect him to show up in a malicious way, and so he doesn't. And all the whole time that we were arguing about kids and pickup and all this stuff, um, I I just don't expect it to be that way anymore.

SPEAKER_00

You know, and I wonder if some of that too is because you aren't expecting him to play that character for you, that it opens up and frees him to actually be more authentic, be more kind to, you know, to it's just interesting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

To me. Yeah. You know, not saying that that him and the kids or him and whoever they don't have their beefs every now and then, but um, I'm just not in it at all. Like I'll I'll even witness it. I'm like, what was going on? Oh, I didn't even hear it. The universe protects me, like the door will be closed, or I just the universe protects me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, so yeah, it's it's it's a unique thing that I've noticed.

SPEAKER_00

How do you think you approach relationships differently?

SPEAKER_02

I just think that I'm more peaceful about things. I don't have a whole lot of expectations for people. Um so when they and I don't mean that in a mean way, I just mean like I I don't put expectations out there for anybody to disappoint me. So I they just show up how they are and I enjoy that, and that's great. Now, when my kids come home from college, I would like to see them. So I do have that expectation, and sometimes that's overwhelming for them, but I just miss them so much. Uh, but for the most part, I'm pretty chill. Yeah. It takes a lot to get me fired up anymore because I just I can't be bothered with it, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Well, you know, they say expectations are resentments waiting to happen. Yeah, and it is true. It doesn't mean you can't have boundaries or make make what you want very clear. That doesn't mean that you get to expect that someone else is gonna do that. Right.

SPEAKER_02

You know, you can't make people do something they don't want to do, period. And so I've just come to the fact like, hey, if I'm going, I I what I've noticed out of my kids is the more that I let go of that sort of situation, the expectations that they're gonna be around, the more that they're around.

SPEAKER_00

Well, think about the energy of it. Yeah, it's a polling, like I want you, I need you to be around me, I need you to come and hang out, versus, okay, well, it you know, it's that push-pull. The more someone pulls at you, the more you push them away. Exactly. And when it's like, eh, you don't, you can come by, I'd love to see you. Right. You know, it's like, oh, well, uh, what do you mean? I'm gonna come over then. I'm gonna eat your food and sit on your couch all weekend.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

It's just different. It really is. So yeah. I think about that in like uh intimate relationships, partnership, you know, like being needy of someone's time and affection and the energy that that puts out.

SPEAKER_02

For sure. I mean, I think for myself, it's been, you know, a long time since I've had like a, you know, like a serious relationship. And I think like I I think I would approach it differently now, like not being unbothered, but kind of like if you want to be around me, that's amazing. And if you don't, like that's okay too, because I am so fun with myself. Like I'm gonna go play tennis and I'm gonna go I'm living my life. I'm living my best life. And so, like, if you want to come in and like have a good time with me, that's awesome. But I'm not gonna be upset if you don't call me or don't want to be around me. It's just not my vibe anymore. Like, I don't care. And so I think, you know, and I'm also like trusting in the universe that they're gonna bring the universe is gonna bring me somebody that is just perfect for me. Yeah, you know, and so it's not desperately out there anymore.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think even that's a big change for you just in the last year and a half, yeah. Yeah. Because I can recall that. Like there was a a longing, and it makes so much sense. We all, you know, w want that partnership, but it's like you have fallen in love with yourself.

SPEAKER_02

Totally.

SPEAKER_00

And now that that's like a whole different diamond. And it is into the world.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I feel it. I feel so good. And I just, and to me, also, like, I want my partner to feel so good about themselves. Like, I don't need them to be desperate for me either. You know, I want them to be happy and joyful and a wounded bird either. I've already helped a lot flesh to someone. No, exactly. And I don't want that role. I just, yeah, you know, I'm at that point in my life where I'm like, I'm seriously having like the best time ever. And so to have somebody is great. It's just not necessary, but it would be fun. Yeah. It'd be a good time. It's an addition, not the everything. Right. It's a delight to have somebody to play with.

SPEAKER_00

What

What Having a Good Relationship with Yourself Looks Like

SPEAKER_00

does having a good relationship with yourself look like today?

SPEAKER_02

I think we just went over that a little bit. Yeah. Just like really like enjoying myself, like waking up full of gratitude, being appreciative. Like, do I love my job? No. But I am appreciative that I live a really good life because of it. And I am happy with the relationship that I've developed with like my tennis and my tennis friends and uh even nature. Like it sounds so silly is to have a relationship with nature, but I talk to the trees. Like when I go out there, I'm just like, oh my God, look how cute you are. You guys are so fancy. Look at those leaves. Wow. You know, just really having that exchange feels so good.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and it's such a perfect season. As everything is blooming and just it's like so inviting and calling you to come, Marvel. And it's you know, like

How to Create Ease in Your Life

SPEAKER_00

how do you create ease in your life, even when your circumstances don't change?

SPEAKER_02

I just, it's my self-talk. Like I just, I just don't buy into any of the negativity. I don't buy into any of the, you know, Mercury retrograde, and all these things are gonna happen. And even if they do, so what? I'm still the same person. I still have the same activities, you know. A lot of people, and not to bring up cop politics, but it's like we I've been alive for all this time, and there's been this president and that president, and I still wake up and I go to work and I come home and I still wake up and I come home and I go to work, and so it doesn't matter who's there, right? So I'm just unbothered by all of that.

SPEAKER_00

No, I think that needs you're we need to get a tattoo for you that says unbothered.

SPEAKER_02

Unbothered. Like just unbothered. Unbothered. I'm just not buying into anything that is gonna distract me from my peace and harmony. Yeah, unbothered, unburdened.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Love

What Diane Would Say to Her Past Self

SPEAKER_00

it. What would you say to a past version of yourself who was in the middle of all that pain?

SPEAKER_02

Well, first I would give her a hug and say that everything's gonna be okay, and just not to take everything so seriously. It's not all that serious. We think that it's so serious at the time, and tomorrow's a better day. And you think today is the worst day of your life, but tomorrow's gonna be better, and the day after that, even better. So just I I think just not to take it so seriously.

Diane's Advice to Those Wanting to Heal

SPEAKER_00

So, what would you say to someone who's kind of just starting their spiritual journey? What what practices or what would you tell them to encourage them to embrace this lifestyle?

SPEAKER_02

So something that I did in the very beginning that I still do to this day is I meditate. I I use the Insight Timer app and I just pick like if you have 10 minutes or 15 minutes or 30 minutes, I I do a meditation almost daily. And that is so I learned that five minutes of meditation erases eight hours worth of stress. So it's so key. And then also like um Abraham Hicks on on YouTube, just go to YouTube, type in Abraham Hicks, and whatever pops up is the thing that you're supposed to hear that day. And they're all different, everything is different. Um, and I think those are the two main things that I started with. And if you can get some Reiki done, get some Reiki done.

SPEAKER_00

Find a good Reiki practitioner in your area. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

What's Next for Diane?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and it's really fun to watch you step into seeing clients a little bit more. And, you know, as you're nearing your retirement from your corporate job, what what is next for you? You know, like there's so many exciting things on your horizon.

SPEAKER_02

So many exciting things because I I think like there's like different buckets of people I would like to help. Like I would love to help like young girls going through trauma and having like eating disorders or or sexual trauma or any sort of abuse. I would love to help that. And then I also have like the experience of corporate America. Like, I could help corporate America and how do you relate to your employees? How should you be speaking to your employees? How can you get more out of your employees by being, you know, kindler and gentler, but still being firm and having expectations of your employees? So there's like different avenues that I think that I would love to go down. I'm three years away from retirement, girl. So it's coming.

SPEAKER_00

It's gonna be here before you know it. And you know, I I think of like what Christy just got hired to do. And there's such a move and push towards our woo-woo practices, you know, that they are the value. I mean, just the other day I heard like they're uh psychedelics are getting ready to like have way less restriction around studies, you know. That's huge. It's huge.

SPEAKER_02

It's gonna change a lot, it will, and quickly, and I do like I think uh meditation, Reiki, if you or if you are able to do even like microdose mushrooms or something that just is light and can get you started to rewire your brain. Yeah, I like I am so sold on that. Just the plant medicine version because I really and the ketamine. The ketamine is something like that, it will help you rewire. Yeah, I I strongly believe that.

Outro

SPEAKER_00

Well, I have thoroughly enjoyed our conversation.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00

I really appreciate you coming and making the time for the show. Thank you. And so much to look forward to and watching you. And in three years, we'll have you on because we'll find out what's next for Miss Diane. Exactly. Thank you for having me. Yes, thank you. And if you liked this episode, be sure to like and subscribe to keep up with more conversations around healing growth and what it really means to be happy. Until next time, be kind to yourself, listen inward, and keep following what lights you up.

Head Shot

Lindsay Mars

Host