What's up you guys? Welcome back to the Dopamine Diaries podcast. This is coach Kate and it's crazy because we are rapidly approaching the one year anniversary of me starting this podcast and that's insane. I feel like my life is totally different from a year ago. I feel like Everything about like what I even do day to day is so different. And that's kind of inspired the episode today, among some other things. So I'm not usually one to like respond to or rebuttal drama, but I think in this situation I'm going to because When it comes to motherhood and the little cliques of moms that develop, the breastfeeding moms, the stay-at-home moms, that whatever clique people want to put themselves in or categorize them as, in some ways I categorize myself as a working mom, a mompreneur per se. But when it comes to those things, my biggest gripe with it is that like everyone wants to preach like oh we're not being toxic we're just talking about our own experience but talking about people's experiences while throwing stones is toxicity so i'm gonna respond to some drama that most people probably aren't even aware of but that's okay um it's been brought to my attention that there's some people that don't like what I talk about. There's some people that don't like that I'm somebody that believes that I can be a present, loving, nurturing, and safe mother while also giving my passions and my desires and my energy into a career that I absolutely love, that lights me on fire. And there's some people that think that I'm choosing... Everything over my daughter. And one, to that I would say, fuck you. Unless you live in my household and you experience the relationship between me and my daughter, you see how I lead and you see how I mother. It's one thing to make an interpretation off of my words, but it's another thing to like outwardly say, like, how dare she? How dare she? It could be so harmful to the child. Or I also get the like, what if your daughter grows up and sees these things that you've said? And my response is, okay, what if she does? I'll let her listen to this podcast if she wants. What I'm not going to do is let my daughter grow up and believe that things that she loves and finds passion in have to be completely retired forever. When she also decides to become a mother. So when I say I firmly believe that women can be both, I don't mean that one is better than the other. I don't mean that it's selfish to follow. And like, that's the thing I think people get twisted to. It's like, oh, we're your career and your resume. And your goals. It's really not about any of those things. I'm a business owner. And I think sometimes people get it twisted like, well, she's choosing business growth over being a mother. And I'm like, really? No, I'm not. Because the year I became a mother, I completely dismantled everything about my really great and awesome business. Because one, it wasn't making me happy. And two, it required too much of me. And I wanted to give way more of me to my daughter. And so the claim of like, you know, it's selfish or she's misaligned or whatever the fuck else people are wanting to say. You know, I thought I'm on a walk this morning and I was like, don't respond, Kate. It's not that big of a deal. They don't live in your home. But to be honest, like one of the things that was driving that feeling of don't respond was don't give it any attention or don't rebuttal because then that'll make you seem on the defensive. But honestly, fuck that too, because isn't that the whole problem with what women struggle with? We never feel like we're able to use our voice or we always feel like the words that we say will be completely taken the wrong way. Isn't that the whole fucking point? Isn't that what every single one of you guys listening to this bitch and moan about to your husband or your friends or to your therapist? I just want to be heard. I just want to be seen for who I am. Isn't that the whole fucking point? So why wouldn't I respond? Why wouldn't I clap back per se and not justify or defend decisions that I've made to still pursue things that make me super passionate. Let me add another layer to it. This morning, I, um, saw, like, all of the Taylor Swift news of, like, her new album, how she's gonna be on the podcast with the Kelsey Brothers, if you know, you know, and, like, everyone's, like, beaming with excitement around that, and it's, like, it kind of, like, it became addicting to, like, see everyone's reaction videos, and, like, I felt playful. I felt so excited for this, like, community of, like, Swifties, I mean, I'm not even really a Swifty. My daughter is, right? That's the only reason why I know this information. But like, I was in that moment with them feeling so just like giggly, childlike almost. And then I scroll and the next thing that comes up is the state of the world and the political climate and everything that's happening to our society. And it instantly took me from feeling childlike and playful and safe and happy to feeling so homesick for a world that doesn't exist anymore and so sad and so scared so scared as a mother with a young daughter and thinking about the world that she's going to get to grow up in as an adult and it was like whiplash it was like complete whiplash over those two experiences the experience of wow everyone is like geeking over this Taylor Swift thing. And then, wow, I just got smacked in the face with the reality that the world is really heavy right now. And I'm saying all of this to you guys because make no mistake, when you see me share things, like I believe women can love their careers and love motherhood and be really good at both. And I believe that one doesn't have to suffer. What I don't mean is that we get to blindly pursue one or the other and neglect another desire that we have. What I mean is I have a lot of passion and I find a lot of purpose in motherhood and I also find a lot of purpose in my work because my work is centered around helping people experience the emotional whiplash like what I just described I experienced this morning. My work is centered around helping women stay tethered to the chaos and the crazy in their life instead of continuing to run away and numb it. That fucking matters for them as mothers. I can be so passionate about my work and want it to reach so many hands. And sure, that means my business grows, cool, whatever. But more than that, it means that I help women feel more connected to themselves. And what does that do for the children? It helps them be safe and regulated. This is beautifully shown by a conversation I had in the past couple of days with one of my clients. She's worked with me one-on-one and she's also done HBA, which is everything that I talk about. And one of the things that she said to me, she noted that her significant other and even her have like recognized the steady and safe and present woman that she is for the child in their home. She's recognized that all of this work that she's done through a lot of like the core teachings in my programs, it's nothing magic that I do. It's not me that is having this ripple effect on women and as mothers and as future mothers. It's literally the core principles of HBA, the program that I teach and that I educate on because it helps women safely connect back to their body, which they've been disconnected from for years. The amount of times women say to me like, Oh, I like always hold my pee at work or I like never even like realize I'm hungry. There's a huge disconnection with women and their bodies because that's what we've been designed to do. Ignore our voices, ignore our needs, not ask for things. Is that what we want to model to children? So am I not allowed to find so much passion in helping women rewrite that type of narrative? And it's wrong. It's wrong for me. It's wrong for me to do that because I'm a mother. And it's wrong for me to give any ounce of my attention to other women that want to be mothers simply because I'm a mother. I hope my daughter grows up and sees the things that I've said and the work that I've put out. And I hope that she's proud that I gave a fuck. And I hope that she's proud that I never silenced my voice. And I hope that she's proud that even through all of that, I was there for her. I was there for her. I was present. I was happy. I was where her feet are. Make no mistake. Just because I say you can have both does not mean that one is getting neglected. You're allowed to have passions and do not let any single person in the motherhood community make you feel fucking bad for wanting to do something outside of the four walls of your fucking home. And it's no shade to those that want to be within the home all of the time and homeschool and make the bread. No shade. I love you for it. I love you for it. I want you to do that. I love that for your family. And I hope that when you have a moment where you're completely overwhelmed or you're really unsure or you're dealing with different traumas that you've had as a child come to the surface, that you know I'm there to help you through that so you can continue to be the mother and the rock and like the beacon of light within that home. I'm so fucking tired. I'm so fucking tired of people using the excuse of, well, this is just what I believe. And my experience as a way to throw shade at other moms that want and believe differently. I'm so tired of it because it's not noble. It's not. It's literally not. It's literally not. And so I went back and forth, like I said, on whether or not I was going to respond to some of this drama of how dare she? How dare she? How dare she? act like motherhood was such a burden to her. Listen, when you become a new mom, there's an element of that change that is a bit disruptive. The lack of sleep, I'm allowed to say that the completely inconsistent sleep and lack of sleep is an actual burden to my mental health. I'm allowed to say that and it not mean that that I resent my daughter and it not mean that I resent motherhood. Why can't all of those things be true? Anyone's sleep, if you understood the brain, you'd realize the brain suffers. It's kind of like a really important process of the brain is to get adequate and restful sleep. And when that doesn't happen and you have underlying things happening in your brain anyway, I have diagnosed PTSD. When I don't get sleep, it kind of triggers that a little bit. And I suffer a little bit. And I'm allowed to feel like the not getting any sleep as a mother is a burden on my health because it is. But that doesn't mean that I resent motherhood. And it doesn't mean that I resent the way that motherhood has changed me. Motherhood has been the best thing. Motherhood has reinforced my ability to deprioritize shit in my life and shit in my work that doesn't matter. Motherhood has made me so confident. Motherhood has made me so courageous and so intentional about what I want and where I spend my time. I guarantee I don't scroll half the amount of time that most people do. I don't waste half the amount of time. I tell people all the time, motherhood is the best productivity hack because you don't got time to overthink anything. If you've got five minutes before that baby wakes up, you've got five minutes and you get it done. And when that baby is up, she's up and you're there. Let's not cast and throw stones simply because someone lives a lifestyle that's different than yours. Shall we? Can we finally, like, maybe this year, next year, drop the very obvious cliques of motherhood that we all want to pretend? Well, motherhood's like the most welcoming group. Is it? It doesn't always feel welcoming. It doesn't always feel welcoming. You should co-sleep. I can't, guys. I have a sleep disorder. Oh, well, it's the most natural thing to do. Awesome. I love that. I wish I could. On to the next discussion, please. Oh, breastfeeding is the best. I agree with you. I agree with you. It didn't work out for my journey. So I'm happy that I had the means to still feed my child. But I agree with you. And I love that that's your journey. Oh, homeschooling is the best. I mean, in many ways, I would agree with that. Less, you know, for so many reasons. No bullying, no threat of gun violence, no threat of grooming by really shitty teachers and people in positions of authority. I fully agree with you, homeschooling is the best. Is it doable for everybody? No. It's like, I don't shame anyone for their motherhood choices. I don't shame anyone for their motherhood aspirations and goals. I just love that people love motherhood because there was a time in my life where I wasn't sure that I wanted to do this. And yeah, Our pregnancy wasn't planned. And yeah, it completely changed my goals and what I was trying to do for the year. Yeah, it did. And I'm allowed to feel, in the moment, scared and unsure about what those changes meant. But when I tell you, it was the best change of my life. And I'm thankful for it every day. Because it's made me so much more intentional than I ever would have known to be before I became a mom. and before I held my daughter in my hands for the very first time. So don't let anyone shame you for having passions outside of mothering. I'm a fantastic mother. I have a secure and safe and present relationship with my daughter. Spend an hour with us and you'd see it. I am in control of my time. I spend more time as a mom than I do working. truthfully and I wouldn't have it any other way but I also give so many fucks and I will continue to give fucks about helping women experience their life in a more present way because there was a version of me years ago that had I become a mother then and not know what I knew now I would not be the best mother for my daughter and it would leave very difficult impacts on her so I apologize for anyone that takes offense to my stance of telling women that they don't have to fall into societal pressures or the motherhood group pressures of what they should or should not do. And if they have passions that light them up and bring them joy and leave an impact on the world, they are allowed to wake up and care about those in the same way that they wake up And they care about the nap schedule. And the feeding. And the what are we making for lunch today. And the doctor's appointments. You're allowed to care about both. Bye guys.