SPEAKER_02 0:00

What's up you guys? Welcome back to the Doping Diaries podcast. This is Coach Kate and I'm sitting here with my husband.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hello.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

It's 9 p.m. on a weeknight.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Almost bedtime.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

It is almost bedtime. We usually go to sleep at like 9 30 because we're old people. But I thought it would be really fun to do a joint podcast talking about our perspectives on the difference between newborn slash baby parenting and where we are currently at with toddler parenting. And we also both work individually full-time. So keep in mind that, like, obviously, some of the things that we talk about will probably be flavored through that lens of like that's the reality that we live in. We both have full-time jobs. So yeah, I just thought it'd be really cool. And I'm sure there's gonna be parents listening to this that are way past the baby and toddler stage, and you guys are gonna be listening to this thinking, like, oh, just wait. And to that, I say, don't ruin the surprise for us. Let us figure it out on our own and listen to this and just humor the new the new parent perspectives.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Yeah, I mean, I think I've learned at this point that you just kind of have to wing it, and you think you know what you're doing, and then afterwards, like, mmm, I didn't really know what I was doing, but I tried my best.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

I mean, that's definitely how we did baby parenting. We had no clue what we were doing.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Yeah, I mean, I think from the the the sense of like parenting, like feeding and all things like that, I think it's a lot more um relaxed with a toddler than a baby.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

I feel like the baby we I think so Oh man, I don't think that at all.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

I think there's I think it's a different. I think everything as a baby I f we feared for her life. Where now we're like eat the damn vegetables. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

I mean, I s I I fear for our toddler's life all the time. I see your point, yeah, but I think that I kind of look at it as like in retrospect, a newborn slash baby, the hardest part about that was the the sleep. Our sleep situation was pretty bad. That was the hardest part about it. I think that if our sleep would have been a bit better, it really wasn't that hard because they didn't need anything. You could put them after they ate and after they slept, they could sit in their little like play chair while you like you know focused on just cleaning the kitchen, and now it's like I'm half focusing on the kitchen, half making sure my child, my toddler, doesn't yeet herself into a sharp corner. Like it's it's just a different breed of chaos at this age. I don't like it was. Okay, so how is it different for dads?

SPEAKER_01 3:08

The first stage is like sitting there with a newborn in front of you, like just like stare, like just staring into each other's eyes back and forth. You're like, what do I do?

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Do they even like me?

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Yeah, I don't know how to interact with this child, and like yeah, holding her is nice and things like that, and getting to have contact naps was nice and all that. But I feel like for you, it was like you just wanted to like literally like absorb her into your flesh. Like you like you held her so tightly and so deeply. And did I yeah, it was just like that well, past the first three months. I'm talking like more like up until six months around area. Um I just felt like for me, I'm like, it's really hard, it was really hard for me to interact with her in a way that felt fulfilling for me.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Yeah, I mean, we've talked about that, like just even just like the differences between um how mom and dad's like basically like how our biology is set up to interact with kids. So, like that makes a ton of sense because when she was smaller like that, yeah, she was on mail time, she was nursing. I wouldn't say that she was comforted by me more. I I feel like we both equally had a hand in like when she was fussy, like sometimes you would take it, sometimes I would take it. Like, I remember so many times like I couldn't get her to settle down and you would actually come in.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Yeah, for like newborn, newborn that's changed since then.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Well, yeah, now it's like if she needs comfortage, she's running to me.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

When she wants to have fun, she runs to me.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

And when she wants to have fun, she runs to you. But I think it's just I think it's so interesting because like when she's playing with you, I'm not as like hyper-vigilant because I'm like, he's he's got her, like he's not gonna let her like jump from a ledge that's too high up or like run with a knife straight in her face, right? Like, you're not gonna do that. But if you're not playing with her, and it's like that's the difference I'm talking about, is like now when she's just like doing her own thing, it's so different than when she was a baby.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

More exhausting. I think the the beginning stages was a mental marathon of just like getting through the like thick of the groundhogs day, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:30

Every day was the same, everyone scaries we used to get time scaries. Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

The zombie mode. I remember like because again, we you and I both worked full-time, and we kind of share the load pretty equally. So I mean, I was just at the point where my eye, like my eye was twitching forever. Like I had a twitch in my eye. Yeah. Because like I was so sleep deprived. I already have trouble sleeping as it is. So waking up with her and like having a hard time getting back to sleep, I was getting like three hours of sleep at night.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Yeah. If that is pretty bad.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

It was bad. So I remember I remember that point. Like, I felt horrific.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Not to like scare any soon-to-be parents or like want to be parents.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

But then there's people that like have kids asleep through the night. So it's pretty good. I know.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

That's how like I want to be like, because I know that there's a lot of people that listen to this podcast that don't have kids yet, and there's a lot of people that do. So like the people that have kids are gonna be like, they're gonna get it. But the people that don't have kids, like, I don't want this to scare you. I have so many mom friends, and so I know so many people that like they are well rested and they've been well mostly well rested with like the occasional random nights.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

That during the first eight to nine months of her life, we were without child care. So I went to work, you watch her and worked, and and worked a little bit. I came home and you worked.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Yeah, basically, yeah. I would work as much as I could during the day, which was very little, and then I would basically run all of my one-on-one coaching calls in the evenings and on weekends.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Yeah, so we were like both full-time working and full-time parenting and burning out at both ends, quite literally. We didn't really have like a crazy support system. No, because my family is in a different state, and your parents still both work full-time.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yeah, they're so like I don't I don't want to say like there's we didn't have a village, because like that can be like really negative, but like our circumstances did not allow us to have a regular village, although we have family.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

So we were in the struggle bus in the beginning, but I feel like now you've also kind of loosened your grip with her as far as like feeling comfortable with her staying places and during the day mostly. So I feel like now every once in a while we get a little we get like a toddler-free Saturday so that we can do the things that we've been putting off for the past month, you know. Yeah, which is nice, which is super nice.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's just it's just really different, even from like the the working lens. Like, I remember the other morning I was on a walk, and this was after she was already at daycare, and I walked by this woman pushing a stroller, and I've walked by this woman probably like six or seven times, so I'd recognized her, and I kind of realized like, okay, she walks at like the same time of the day that I do, as consistently as I do, and I started like really observing her, and her child looks to be um probably like six or seven months old, and like the the other morning when I walked by her, I was just like, I felt like I was walking by the six to seven months postpartum version of me, and it was so surreal to kind of be like I feel so far removed from the no child care season of parenting.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

It's like a different life.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

It really does, but like it's like I it was like to walk by her and just kind of like remember like every morning we'd all wake up, or well, her and I would basically be awake since like five in the rocker, and then you'd get up, start to get ready for work, I'd get up with her, and my goal would be to get out the door the same time you do because I had just enough time to go for a walk before her first nap. And it was like that walk was like remember, I would like it was raining, and I like got the rain covers for her stroller because I was like, this is literally the time that I have for myself before a really hard day running on zero sleep, and I just want to be able to walk. It was so good for my stress, like it was so good for my mental health. Like that was like what I loved about that season. And so when I walked by her the other morning, I just felt like it was crazy to like remember how challenging that was and remember how much of my time to not not only just like work and do the things that I really like, but also like do things for myself, like you know, put time and effort into my skincare and like self-care or I don't know, just like little things, right? Like it's just it was crazy to kind of remember how much of that didn't exist and truly like the sacrifice that parenting is when you when both of you work, right? I feel like if we didn't work, parenting is still a sacrifice absolutely all day. But I feel like when you are working parents, it's just this different level of sacrifice that can be really, really hard. It flies, time flies, but like I want to caveat that though.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Okay, because as much as I agree with everything you're saying, I think we're really, really bad. We we're really, really lucky that both of us are as involved as we are.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

I agree, but like what do you mean? I need you to elaborate, but I agree.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

We as hard as things were, we share the load very well. Like, it's not like one person carrying the load for like everything, right? Yeah, but it's still hard because we Yeah, yeah, but I'm saying there's people and circumstances that that's not the case.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

And uh, you know, I'm grateful that we're in a place where both of us are very involved parents in our life.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Yeah. Yeah, I mean for sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

It doesn't make it that hard, but it also makes it like easier to have a teammate rather than being alone in it.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Yeah, I couldn't imagine being I know a lot of single parents, and I can't fathom the the complexity that that probably is.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

My thing is I think the hardest thing for me was before Loveland I oh I said her name.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

That's fine.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Okay. I didn't know if it was a no-go on her on here or not. Anyway, before child's name.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

I'm so dead. Continue on.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

I felt like there was an element of me that didn't realize how selfish I was. Oh, yeah. Not like laughing at you, like same. Oh wow, that was rude. I was gonna like, yeah, dude, you're so selfish. Oh man. But like there there were certain things that I was, right, with my time. I was very selfish with my time in the sense that like I would spend an hour and a half at the gym whenever I wanted to. I would play guitar for however long I wanted to, I would play video games, like I did what I wanted to with my time, right? And a lot of it was like obviously you and I would hang out a lot, but we also like did what we wanted to.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

And I think the part of me that like struggled was that like I felt like I gave all of it up at once, and it sent me in into kind of a little bit of a depression because I'm like, I I had to like rediscover who I was outside of those things again. And I feel like I'm finally getting back to the point where like I have the energy and capacity and bandwidth to keywords there. Energy, capacity, bandwidth.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

Capacity and bandwidth. I love that you're using my my lingo.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Your lingo? What did you invent the language?

SPEAKER_02 13:20

No, but like I say it all the time.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Yeah. Well, I mean, those are those are legitimate things, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:25

It's nervous system language.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

I uh but yeah, I didn't have that before, and now I feel like I do to start trickling things back in my life. And it's been a slow roll. Like, you know, I feel motivated sometimes to pick up the guitar, but then I hate the fact that I'm not as like sharp as I used to be before. Or like I'll get really good weeks where I'm like hit in the gym consistently, and then a couple of things will come up and obstruct that, and then I get a you know, really inconsistent again. So I feel like it's like I'm I'm getting back into the swing of things. Um, and I have again I have the the bandwidth and capacity to do that.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

But it's as a nervous system thing.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

But it's still a challenge, right? Because I think the habitual part is to stretch, yeah. Right? So I gotta get like whereas like re-establishing habits on many fronts is like a large pill to swallow. So like taking like certain things where I'm like trying to be the most consistent with like going on the walk every single morning with the dog for 30 minutes, right? That is something that's like non-negotiable. I wake up, I walk the dog. Um, that habit feels at this point normal. It feels like I just wake up and do it. It's part of my morning routine. So I'm happy that it's happening. I still feel like there's other things that feel like an effort still that I'm like trying to make. But like moving towards like toddler parenting, I feel like I have the ability to do that, right? I feel like there's time in my day, I can make time for that to for that to happen. I'm getting sleep at night where, you know, if I consistently get about seven hours of sleep a night, and that's for me is like plenty.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

It feels plenty at least. And I think that the other thing that for me is really rewarding is that I feel like when I am interacting with her, it feels a lot like it's fun now. Like I can do stuff with her that I feel like I'm engaging with her on a level that like feeds me as well. Right. Like I could just be like, Loveland, let's go play with some blocks. And she runs into the other room and we're playing with blocks. Oh, I thought it's already the cat that's out of that bag.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Let's call her Jane. Jane Doe.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Jane Doe.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I'll call her You know, I kinda I don't know if I want to challenge you, because we kind of talked about this a little bit. Maybe just go with me challenging you and take it less seriously because I actually think that a lot of people would relate to this. So some of the habits that remember how we talked about like you were going back and forth on like, should I do this like program? I should figure out how to do my split for exercise. Yeah. And so it's I was literally thinking about you this morning on my walk. Oh, that's sweet. With this, well no, with this topic. It was still in an endearing way for sure. I was thinking of like better ways to explain what we were talking about with that to help you through that.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Do you want me to give a little bit of background?

SPEAKER_02 16:21

I'll give some context really quick. You give the context. It's your context to give.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

So, right now, the thing that I'm struggling with is that every time I walk into our gym that we have, I feel like my my mindset is that I really would like to work out to have the capacity. Again, I'm gonna keep using this word in my head now.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Get on with it.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

I'm gonna try I I always want to work to the same level that I did prior to, you know, Jane Doe coming into our lives. Um, or like even like before that, like when I was much younger. And there's a few things about that that are challenging. One, like, I'm not a 20-something in my prime anymore, right? So that's a challenge. I also was very like, you know, I was a six times a week at the gym, sometimes two a day's person before. And I I just don't train for those purposes at all anymore, because I don't have the desire to do that. Like I don't have the actual desire to do that anymore. But it's hard to break the habit of like getting into the gym and be like, okay, it's chest day. I want to do high volume, or I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna heavy lift, I'm gonna like do how I want to do my split. So it's but I also don't necessarily enjoy doing other types of workout routines. So it's like the battle of like what feels comfortable and safe, and like what feels familiar to me versus like what's gonna benefit my health now and keep me consistent because I don't want to lose my motivation when I go to bench press, and it's half of what I used to bench press, right?

SPEAKER_02 18:08

So I and so this is where I feel like the challenge could possibly come into play where it's less like you're describing it as like these are difficult habits for you to break, habits of training. I actually think it's less habits and more of you have this like unrealistic standard for what exercise.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

No, it's not habits at all. It's it's exactly that.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Like, yeah, it's it's like you like I was this is what I was thinking about this morning.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Like you, you're a I want to go in and be the best that I possibly can.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Yeah, you're a high achiever. Like you're like high achiever perfectionist at these types of things. So like the challenge with that, and I and this is where it's like really less of a challenge to you or at you, more of a like literally everybody struggles with. I'm the same way, right? But the difficulty when like we have those patterns of like perfectionistic or like I want to go in and be the best, or this is my expectation, is sometimes like those ideas or beliefs that we have about ourselves are so incredibly like high up the ladder of what's possible. Like it's so high up that we lose sight of what's actually doable in the gray, like doable it with what's in the middle. And that's what I was explaining to you the other day when we were talking about your workouts of like the approach that I take of you know, I'm a past competitor. The first three years after I stopped competing, I was in that same weird like fog of like I don't know how to not train this way. So because I don't know how I'm not going to do anything. I was there, and so now the approach I take is I wake up and I ask myself, what does my body want today? What is my body craving today? Sometimes that is a 60-minute walk and nothing else. Other times that is a 60-minute, hard as crap Peloton ride cardio. Sometimes it is 30 minutes of doing just squats for literally 30 minutes. Other times it's full body, but like I've given myself the permission to be very like in the middle of all or nothing, and in the middle of like, well, it's not the perfect training split or it's not the perfect this. But it's also allowed me to be very like imperfectly consistent. It is a challenge to what I believe could get me in the best shape because I see other people online and I feel that same urge of like, well, man, I just need to like hire this coach to do my programming because then I will look like her. And maybe if I just pay her to tell me how to work out, then I'll consistently do it. But I think with where we're at and the season that we're in, like we're better suited to like sometimes we want to celebrate our work days and we get home and we just want to like go take Lovelin, our daughter, Jane Doe, and the dog, and like go do something. And so, like, it's not realistic for each of us to go down there for an hour and hit like the perfect workout, right? So, like, I think for you, it's just like you have to let yourself, and probably everybody else, has to let themselves like be okay with doing the really, really small shit. Like, I've even started, I like to walk for an hour. I like to try and hit three miles in that hour. And I've noticed that like my perfectionist traits are starting to come out in other areas of like work and even like tidying things around the house. I'm like just noticing these patterns of behavior. So for the last two days, I've actually intentionally cut my walks short, even though I had the time to hit the 60 minutes, and even though I had the time to hit the three miles, I've literally cut them short. I've like I've intentionally fallen short on purpose to like give myself that exposure of like, oh, see, like we don't actually have to be perfect. And this like walk and thing that we're doing doesn't actually have to be like a metric of performance. We can just enjoy it and not not give a shit about the numbers. And it's actually helped so much in the last couple days in other like those like the other areas of my life and work where that pattern just come up of just like I kind of like get to exhale a little bit around like, oh well this like content has to be perfect. I'm just kind of like, nah, it's just kind of what I want to say, and I want to just have fun with it and not like be so performative about it. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Yeah, it's actually really funny you said that because when I do my walks with OSCE in the morning, I uh I aim for about 30 minutes, right? So we walk I walk at this park every morning, I'll get up and I'll drive to this park and I'll walk with them. And there's a bunch of different like kind of paths you can take. It's all in the same area, and it's kind of like you can like almost figure aid it a little bit, and there's different ways you can go through this path. Well, my truck's parked on one side of it, right? So when I'm walking through and I'm walking towards my truck, and I look at the clock and it's only been 27 and a half minutes, right? No, I don't.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

But you used to. But I used to.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

I used to, I would turn around, I'd walk for a minute and a half one way, so that I could turn around and walk for a minute and a half back to my truck. And I'm like, if I take like if I just thought like myself, I was like, I'm literally doing this, but then I'll go and I'll have like Chick-fil-A and fries tonight. And I'm worried about a minute, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:31

Yeah, that's my point.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

And like it was like the moment I had that kind of like aha, I realized the point isn't for me to hit 30 minutes, the point is me to walk every day. Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

And that was lifting.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Yeah, and it was like that was really empowering for me because some days I hit 32 minutes based upon the plant I'm walking. This was like a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Because like same wavelength. Again, I would like make a turn and I'd look at my clock and I'd be like, because I like to keep in the morning, I like to keep my phone in my pocket. Because it's just me, him, and there's like literally no one out there because it's like 5 30 in the morning. Yeah. So I just like to be kind of at peace. So every once in a while, I'll just like look at check my pocket to see what time it is. And I'll look and I'll be like, guess me, okay, if I turn this way now, it'll be about 10 more minutes, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

And then sometimes it's 12, sometimes it's eight, and I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

Yeah. Like, yeah, it's really freeing. Like, I was thinking about this today, and um, shameless plug. I'm actually gonna be doing like a full training breakdown on kind of this topic and the all or nothing training that I'm doing the week before HBA starts.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Plug in your own business and your own podcast. I know, crazy right.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

As long as I pay for this platform.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Shameless plug. I am running a five-day all or nothing thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Shame shit.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

You should tell them to join it.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Join it right now.

SPEAKER_02 24:53

But what was I gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 24:55

I don't know. Oh, we're supposed to be talking about toddlers.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

We've totally subtracted our ADHD is out of control. Um, no, but one of the things, one of the little things I'm gonna mention in that training, just for anyone that's like, you know, thinking about it, is when we look at like people that are extremely exhausted, burnout, and just feel like everything they've that they've got going on in their life is just kicking the shit out of them, which we're looking in the mirror. True. Some of that is true. Some of these things in our lives do kick the shit out of us, but perspective shift. Let's take our health as an example, right? These things that we do to try and be healthy parents, be here for our child, and live long lives, and like not be in chronic pain with chronic illness, those types of things. If we started looking at movement, even how we like feed ourselves with zero pressure around how we're actually performing in that, take the walks for example. If it's just like, I just want to walk every day, I really don't even like care how much time it is. I'm not gonna like you know, beat myself up if I don't get that three miles or if you don't get those 30 minutes. And same thing for exercise. If it's like, oh, I've got 15 minutes, I'm gonna go down there and lift really quick. And if I, you know, screw around the whole time and barely break a sweat, I'm gonna celebrate that the same way I would if I did the hardest 15-minute circuit of my life. But I thought today, I was like, how much of an energy shift would it and could it be if we looked at all of these things in our lives that we try and be perfect at? Because being perfect at things, one requires so much energy, and honestly, in my opinion, holds us back because truly, if we're perfectionists, we're really not gonna aim for the goals that we technically probably could get to because the risk of failing is too high. Perfectionists like literally will like kill themselves over the goals that they know that they will hit because at least they'll be able to do them perfect. But that's a whole nother conversation we can have later. One second. But how much energy would we save if we started looking at all of these these things of just like, oh, like it doesn't require any energy or work for me because I'm not putting so much pressure on what they mean for my day or what they mean for me. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Yeah, yeah. I was just gonna say that, and this might ruffle some feathers.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

Whose feathers are we ruffling?

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Just peoples.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

But who's the people?

SPEAKER_01 27:25

You'll find out.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Is it gonna ruffle my feathers?

SPEAKER_01 27:28

No.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Whose feathers are gonna ruffle?

SPEAKER_01 27:30

Peoples?

SPEAKER_02 27:30

What do you mean, peoples?

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Just listen to me. You'll you'll I think you'll reason with this. I think that a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Is this gonna get me in trouble?

SPEAKER_01 27:38

No. I think a lot of people will agree with what I'm about to say. Or they won't. Okay. Um, it's gonna be a 50-50 crowd. But I I feel like when P there's a lot of people who say, Oh, but I'm a perfectionist, and I think it's absolute bullshit. It's just an excuse to not execute what they're trying to do. Right? It it's they use the fact that they're trying to be perfect to continue to just delay what they're trying to do, to do a bunch of other minor tasks or things like that, or they keep like they're not actually a perfectionist, they're just avoiding doing what they need to do.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

I mean, that's kind of like what I just said.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Yeah, yeah. But like, so I think it's like when people are like, Oh, like I'm a perfectionist, so I'm just gonna keep doing this. But like, no, you're just like not doing what you need to do, you just get it done.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

I mean, perfectionism just comes down to like fear. I mean, like, for it perfectionism is a nervous system response stemming from a complete fear around not having control at all times.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

And so the need to be perfect really just comes from a need to control. Um, a need to be perfect also flavors a lot of all or nothing because it feels really good to be all in and it feels hella good to be all out. It does not feel good to be in the risky middle. Um, because you can't really control that, so you can't be perfect there.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Um I've never actually gotten the most success out of my life when I realized that when I tried to quote unquote do everything perfect, I got nowhere. But when I did exactly what needed to be done and kept moving forward, just continually, continuously moved forward, I made much more progress much more quickly. Because I didn't just get distracted, I didn't get in the rabbit holes of a bunch of things that were non-necessary, and I was probably the only person who cared about those things at all. Other people didn't, you know. I just kept to the goal and I achieved the goal.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Yeah. Well, like, and this should probably be a whole nother side conversation too. But like we're all over the place.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

We are squirrel brands.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

I know, we're gonna wrap this up because it's actually getting pretty long. We've already we're already at 30 minutes. Um this we'll have to have a whole nother conversation about this, but like it's also really important to mention that um seasons of like being being very black and white thinking, or seasons of like really struggling with perfectionism, um, also are heavily influenced by everything else going on in our life. So if you've got a lot of things taken, can you set that down? I can her monitor's like right by the camera. Um, if you've got a lot of things like stealing your energy or causing you a lot of stress, or like for example, like it was really easy for me to kind of fall into that perfectionist thinking the first year of her life. Why? Because my bandwidth and capacity was zero. I had no control over anything, so I was gonna control what I could control, which were all of the things within my reach that I could be absolutely perfect at, but didn't actually make me happy, happy and never and also never felt like enough to kind of like scratch that like, well, I wanna I'm ambitious and I want to accomplish everything.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

A lot of it was checklist goals, right?

SPEAKER_02 30:51

Like Yeah, because that's that's exactly what um that's exactly what you can do. But then like the checklist goals becomes a problem for people because again, if they're in that season of life where they are absolutely fucking taxed and they make a list, and they're like, well, I'm gonna feel good and I'm gonna feel successful because I have this five check mark to-do list, and then they start their day with like three percent energy and something hijacks that three percent, and then they're looking at their completely unchecked to-do list at 5 p.m. And then it creates the cycle of shame, the cycle of what the hell is wrong with me? A freeze response, a feeling of being completely like disconnected and shut down, and then they get into the funk, and then the funk lasts for weeks, and then they try and come up out of the funk, and then they're super behind on everything that they want to do. So then they try and be perfect more, then they feel like they have to achieve more. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Yeah, I have so much I want to say, but I also know we're nearing the end of this. We should have a squirrel brain part two, and like we'll listen to this end of this real quick so it reminds me of what I wanted to say, and then we can get into it because what the fuck was that? Also, what you're talking about is such a good topic, but I'm like, this is gonna be another 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 32:07

So we'll do a part two and we'll call it scroll brain part two. Okay, what does everybody need to do after they listen to this podcast?

SPEAKER_01 32:17

Drink some water.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

Bro.

SPEAKER_01 32:20

What?

SPEAKER_02 32:21

What do they need to do?

SPEAKER_01 32:23

I don't know. Do whatever they want with their life.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Sign up for HBA?

SPEAKER_02 32:27

Sign up for HBA.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Oh, well, if they didn't do that already, then what the hell?

SPEAKER_02 32:31

Well, there's a lot of people that listen to this that haven't done HBA. And I'm constantly scratching my head over why.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Listen. Linda, Linda.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

We got give give them help for three minutes, babe.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

All I'm saying is I don't believe in a lot of people, but I do believe in my wife.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Do you believe in me? Of course I do.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

That's why I married you.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

How hard have I worked on HBA over the last year?

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Very hard. But also, I feel like what you do is you are you are changing the status quo of what it means to be a coach. And I wholeheartedly mean that. Period. Like, period.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Why do you mean that though? Tell me.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

Because I've had quote unquote coaches throughout my life, and it's the same prescribed, it's like almost like how the healthcare industry is. Like, here is your prescribed bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

Oh my god, we gotta have a scroll scroll brain part three, and we gotta talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

And here I'm just gonna give this to you checklist. See the thing that worked for person A is now gonna be applied to person B and person C, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:27

Zero nuance to it.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Zero nuance to it, and it's just like that's how it always is, right? But I think what you're doing, what you're doing differently, is you're coming at health from a completely different perspective, other than like eat cow salads and drink nothing but water and eat ice cream.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

Yeah, I don't talk about that shit at all.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Like I don't care what people eat. You are actually helping people heal on a deeper level so that they can imp be empowered to then go and live the rest of their life in a way that fulfills them. It's like not about achieving macros or or like doing hot yoga while whatever else, drinking some tea.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

I literally don't talk about nutrition and movement at all.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah, what I'm saying is like you are you're giving people the necessary tools so that their day feels accomplishable and not only accomplishable, it feels like they can do more with it. So, like to me, that is like the pinnacle of being able to help someone. It's like it's like that they say you can like give a man a fish or teach a man to fish type deal, right? I think that's what you're doing. You're teaching people how to fish, right? Yeah. So that they don't need you at the end of this, right? Like that's the whole point. And I feel like a lot of other people, they like it's like, yeah, they'll come back for more, they're gonna keep coming back for more, and they're gonna keep coming back for more. And you're like, no, like this is a program that's gonna really set you up for success.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Because it works on bandwidth and capacity.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Which if you work and you parent, you already are at a disadvantage of having good enough amounts of that.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

So not only that, you've done the work, like you're not just some person that's like listen to someone other person's podcast.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

I read a book once, and here's this program.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Yeah, or like here's this one thing that worked for me, so now it's gonna work for everyone else.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

It is$85,000 million dollars. Sign here.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Yeah, so like I just I don't know. I believe in what you do, I think it's awesome. And yeah, I think everyone needs to sign up because she is everyone's gonna be like, Well, he's your husband. Like, of course he's biased, but I'm not fucking biased. I tell people how it is.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

First of all, my husband is very Italian and brutally honest, and he will say things to me that I will look at him and be like, oh, oh my gosh. Like, how dare you say that?

SPEAKER_01 35:48

And you're like, well, mean, I'm just honest.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

You're honest. That's what I said. That's what I said. You've never hurt my feelings, but you've always been very you're a straight shooter. You are a straight shooter. So it's really not about like that, it's about he's watched what HBA has become in the last year.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

So yeah, I think it's incre I think it's an incredible, incredible thing.

SPEAKER_02 36:10

Yeah. Alright, so we're gonna have a squirrel brain part two. Whatever the fuck we just talked about.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Oh my god, it's gonna be a trilogy.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

And then we're gonna have a squirrel brain. We're gonna have a squirrel, we're gonna have squirrel brain part three, and we're gonna talk about Return of the Squirrel. Return of the Squirrel. We're gonna talk about like the coaching and the mentorship space because you have had always had a lot to say about that. I have a fuck ton to say about that. So we will have two more parts coming, and then we'll do a squirrel brain.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

So this is the fellowship of the squirrel. We have grinnel are gonna go on our journey.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

This is gonna be the episode title.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Fellowship of the squirrel.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Parenting edition. Okay, bye guys.